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*usan Strict agony aunt

*usan Strict

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*usan Strict's profile:

Writer and publisher of fiction, including books for children and young adults, science fiction, horror, mystery, and some strictly adult fantasy novels.

Married with three children, living south of London in the UK.

And what qualifies me to help people? Many things, I guess, but not least because I had many tempestuous (I like that word) relationships before I finally settled with my permanent partner and realised how fulfilling a long-term relationship can be.

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If he was going to feel something for me wouldn't he have by now?

Q.   I am going crazy. Just had to go to Dr. yesterday and got Rx for Xanax. I have lost 13 pounds in the last two weeks. This is why: I met a guy who really felt like my soul mate. We met July 31 and have gone out every Fri and Sat since then. The ...

A.   2 October 2009: Ask him, and tell him you really like him a lot, but don't push him. More relationships falter because of lack of communication than anything else. But most men aren't good talking about how they feel (or even about how they don't feel) or showi... (read in full...)

If I have an abortion,will I go to hell?

Q.   Mod note] Two questions condensed. Hi,im 23 and a single mom,been seeing this lad for 5months now and his treated me better than anybody ever has,an i really am happy with him,the only thing is his only 20,i have my own house with my 2year old son,...

A.   20 August 2009: The only advice you should get for that question is "don't listen to any advice". Abortion is a matter for you to decide, and no one else. No one's opinion or feelings matter, except yours - although that doesn't mean you should simply ignore t... (read in full...)

Should I get divorced?

Q.   I've been married for over fifteen years and unhappy with my wife for most of that time. After our son was born she developed depression, and to this day she is a changed person - she's nervous, irritable, she shouts and swears, and she hates ...

A.   20 August 2009: Yes, of course you should get a divorce if, AND ONLY IF, you're giving us the full story. Spending another ten or fifteen years with someone you don't love and who doesn't love you isn't doing anyone any favours - and certainly not the children... (read in full...)

When he's drunk, he's violent and mean. Should I leave him?

Q.   When my boyfriend of 5 years gets drunk says like im ugly, I need to lose Weight and many more. One night we went to a night club and he got drunk (again) and started hitting the waitress in front of me. When she left, I give him hell. He told me ...

A.   17 October 2008: You need the answers to some questions before you make a decision: Do you love him and does he love you? If the answer to either is "no", then your decision is simple. Does he realise how he behaves when he is drunk? Does he regret it when h... (read in full...)

I'm into animal erotica. Can anyone answer questions on "fish" sex?

Q.   Hey, Im kind of new with this.So anyway, Im a 39 year old female, Im overweight, lonley, and I need to get my freak on, Im so used to my 9-5 shifts anyway Laitly Ive been turned on by animal erotica, I had a moment when I was 10 with a dog that Ill ...

A.   22 August 2008: Yes the eel came out alive. Eels can live for many hours without needing to breathe. Was it happy? I don't know how you tell whether an eel is happy or not. The summary of what she said when she told me was that it seemed eager to go in, and ... (read in full...)

I'm into animal erotica. Can anyone answer questions on "fish" sex?

Q.   Hey, Im kind of new with this.So anyway, Im a 39 year old female, Im overweight, lonley, and I need to get my freak on, Im so used to my 9-5 shifts anyway Laitly Ive been turned on by animal erotica, I had a moment when I was 10 with a dog that Ill ...

A.   22 August 2008: Oh good grief. On a serious note, I have a friend who did this with a fairly large eel. I'm NOT recommending it. I would only say that she put a condom over the head of the eel (because eels exude a lot of slime), but then had great difficul... (read in full...)

Does an abortion hurt under local anaesthetic?

Q.   i'm 16 and i've just found out that i am 8 weeks pregnant. I know without a doubt that I am going to have an abortion, my mind is made up about that one. I just want to know what the least painful method of abortion is as i'm terrified of general ...

A.   16 July 2008: To the asker of the question, no it shouldn't cause you pain under local anaesthetic. Do please make sure you have considered all the options and implications before you go ahead, and be absolutely certain this is the right route for you to take. ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with the death of my mistress?

Q.   sad storey that i cant get over,i was having an afair for over 25 years. she was a wonderfull person,she had a husband me a wife,we went out together 3 times per week and it suited both of us, 2 years ago at christmas time new years eve to be corre...

A.   10 July 2008:  Anyone who has suffered the death of someone they love doesn't deserve insensitive, unpleasant and nasty responses - no matter what the circumstances of their relationship. So I'm just letting you all know that I've removed two of the response... (read in full...)

This thread is Rated "Arrhhh"

Q.   As of late i find my posts.. vanishing or not even being posted. Apparently some of the mods/admins around here thinks its ok for a man to want to sleep with his sister. Instead of telling people what they need to hear, it seems as if they would...

A.   28 June 2008: Well, Waz, you are of course entitled to your opinion. I would only say that if this part of this site turned into a debating forum, I most certainly wouldn't be here. Nor would I be here if the site policy were to allow offense and insu... (read in full...)

Very worried about his health! My BF's always only eaten junk food.

Q.   I love my boyfriend of nearly 3 years dearly, but i am becoming very worried about his health. Since ive known him, he has always only eaten junk food. Even before we met, he had always eaten junk food and nothing else- he is 27 now- and im worre...

A.   28 June 2008: If he doesn't eat ANY veg or fruit, what does he eat? You say "junk food", but that covers a wide range - and one person's perception of what is junk food doesn't necessarily coincide with another's. Of course healthy eating is importan... (read in full...)

This thread is Rated "Arrhhh"

Q.   As of late i find my posts.. vanishing or not even being posted. Apparently some of the mods/admins around here thinks its ok for a man to want to sleep with his sister. Instead of telling people what they need to hear, it seems as if they would...

A.   28 June 2008: You can't have debates on here, you say. I think that's right. This is not the place for debates. Debates belong in forums, discussion boards and similar. They don't belong on a part of a site where the purpose is to give the most helpful,... (read in full...)

Sex statistics on fellatio and anal?

Q.   what percent of single women have performed fellatio and what same for having anal intercourse....

A.   27 June 2008: Statistics? Why? I mean, why would anyone ever bother to work out the statistics for something like that? Perhaps a quotation is called for: "There are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics" Benjamin Disraeli. Or possibly... (read in full...)

I emotionally cheated on him 3 years ago and he can't get over it! What can I do?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend of nine years are in a huge fight. It's to the point where we haven't lived together in over a month. I take complete responsibility. Three years ago I had a emotional affair with someone, no sex. Well three years later he can't ...

A.   27 June 2008: He's nearly as bad as you are. "You had an emotional affair" and you can't forgive yourself. You had an emotional affair? That's not an affair. That's a fantasy that you happened to tell to the person it involved. You said there was no sex... (read in full...)

Will my 'bad looking' intimate area be a turn off for a guy??

Q.   I have a physical problem with my intimate area,, I have a bit of an excess of skin. Not a skin disease or anything, just skin. But it does look ugly (as in not pinkish and rather dark). It was caused by me, masturbating as a kid, not knowing what I ...

A.   27 June 2008: It won't gross him out. I don't think it's a problem at all. I'm not an expert on what all women's bits look like except my own (I could tell you a fair bit about man's bits, but that's another matter...) but we're most certainly not all the ... (read in full...)

My friend has biopolar disease...what shoud I do?

Q.   my former best friend has the bipolar disease and it really affects her becuz one min. she's happy then next thing u kno shes going crazy we both want to be best friends again but i cant because i dont know wats gonna happen this time. wat should i ...

A.   27 June 2008: Yes you can be friends. You need to talk to your parents about it and probably to your friend's parents about it, and make sure that you aren't at risk - which is unlikely if your friend is the same age as you, but you do need to be a little ... (read in full...)

Dated his cousin and now---he doesn't trust me! What can I do?

Q.   About one in a half years ago I did something bad. well my boyfriend now, we've been together for a year in a half now, well before we were together we were together for a month and broke up but i can't remember why. Anyways he decided to get with ...

A.   26 June 2008: He has the problem, not you. You broke up. You dated someone else. It happened to be his cousin. OK so you deliberately picked his cousin to annoy him. So what? If he's now THAT jealous and possessive that you can't even look at another ... (read in full...)

A text is just a text... or is it?

Q.   hi i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and about 2 years ago he cheated on me. i decided to forgive me we are all humns and i believe we al deserve a second chance so i forgave him. but mving on our relationship just like many other has ups ...

A.   26 June 2008: Oh just stop being paranoid. Ignore these people who say things like "once a cheater always a cheater". That really annoys me. I wonder whether they're really that insecure or whether perhaps they're just jealous of anyone having a proper ... (read in full...)

He masturbates to porn--would phone sex and webcam use make him masturbate to me??

Q.   Okay. So my boyfriend has been lying to me about masturbating to other girls for about a year. I found tons of porn on his computer yesterday. I am really angry at him and I was wondering if phone sex would make him masturbate to me? And possibly if ...

A.   26 June 2008: Why bother with a webcam? OK so you're angry at him. If you're already thinking in that direction, make the "punishment" fit the crime - tell him you're angry, take him up to the bedroom, and order him to masturbate to you, and DON'T let him ... (read in full...)

Sex is hurtful, could it be because he is better endowed than my ex? My first experience with the ex did not hurt at all.

Q.   Hi everybody, first I want to say thank you for taking the time to read this. I am 20 years old. I had sex first when I was 18 with my first boyfriend. My first time to be honest with you didnt hurt at all and it actually felt really good. I d...

A.   26 June 2008: My guess is that when you first did it you spent far longer building up to it, so there was more natural lubrication. Maybe this time you are rushing it a bit?? Concentrate on spending longer on foreplay (getting HIM to spend longer on foreplay... (read in full...)

Has anyone else lost their sex drive? how can I get it back?

Q.   I am 39 year old mom who has been married 15 years and have 4 children. Ok, here is my thing, I am totally turned off by sex. It totally grosses me out and I have no sex drive whatsoever. So the reality of it is that we have no sex life at all. ...

A.   26 June 2008: No, you're not the only one. I went through something like that, but it didn't last very long and now I'm more enthusiastic than ever. Why does it "gross you out"? What do you find unpleasant about it? Don't necessarily tell us, but you need... (read in full...)

Has anyone got any tips or ideas for making me go off him?

Q.   I am not in a class with my best friend's ex. Because we only knew each other at the time we ended up sitting together etc and I found myself being very attracted to him. Of course I know he is NO GO area and I would never ever consider it. But I ...

A.   26 June 2008: Well, I suppose if you REALLY feel like that, then that's it. I would question WHY you feel so strongly he's a "no go" area. After all, your best friend has finished with him and he's available. If you really want to put yourself off him, the... (read in full...)

He told me that I'm sending him mixed signals, how do I salvage this situation?

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, but I recently met a very nice guy (not a rebound) that I'm starting to like and can probably grow to like a lot in the future. He's been very good at persuing me and asking me out, while I've just ...

A.   26 June 2008: Explain it point blank. Sit down on your own first. Work out clearly and concisely what you feel and what you want to say. Think about where you are going, where your relationship is going, and where you think you want it to go. Work out all ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex I'm pregnant?

Q.   Hi. I have a 2 and a half yr old son. Went through a very rough time as single mother and swore to myself i'd never hav a baby unless i was secure and happy with a man. had a bf for a yr and i do love him, but split us as he got aggressive infront ...

A.   26 June 2008: You need to tell him. Every man has a right to know that he is a father. But in view of what you have said about him, I'm not sure you need to tell him right now. I think from what you said that you wouldn't want to have him back? You don't... (read in full...)

How can I be quieter during sex?!!

Q.   when me and my boyfriend have sex he makes me orgasm every time without fail but i feel the need to let out a big moan but when i do theyre loud, i enjoy it with him and he says sex it great with me, but when theres people in the bedroom next door ...

A.   26 June 2008: IF you're the same person who asked about "spicing up your sex life" (next question down in the list) and on the basis that you said you liked him to "take advantage" etc etc and wouldn't go into too many details... then maybe something like this ... (read in full...)

Any ideas for spicing up our sex life?

Q.   does anyone know any good ways of spicing up the sex life. well what i mean is, ive been with my boyfriend now for 17 month and after my 16th birthday in march we have started having sex, its amazing dont get me wrong but he seems to be the one ...

A.   26 June 2008: So try reversing the roles - be in control and "take advantage" (as you so delightfully put it!) of him. You might get to enjoy it. I do. *blush*... (read in full...)

I've lost 6 lbs so far in the past year, is that something to be worried about or proud of?

Q.   okay so this question is about losing weight. i've always wanted to lose weight because i look at myself and i think i'm not good enough for my own self. i stress on my body and i'm very self conscious about it, even though people say i have a nice ...

A.   25 June 2008: 6 pounds since last year sounds like a reasonable rate - assuming you were overweight in the first place. But if half of that was lost in the last week then I'd say that was far too fast for comfort - and you risk doing serious damage to yourself, ... (read in full...)

How can a man manage to keep his virginity?

Q.   how can a male manage to keep his virginity through the post-GCSE summer when most of his female friends are losing theirs?...

A.   25 June 2008: If you don’t mind me bastardising the immortal words of Rudyard Kipling: IF you can keep your virtue when those round you Are losing theirs and saying you should too. If you can find yourself when all confound you But make allowance for their ... (read in full...)

How can I make my brother's wife have sex with me?

Q.   How I can make my brother's wife to have sex with me?...

A.   24 June 2008: OK, so I know I'm going to regret asking... Dr Vendetta, why the bar of chocolate?... (read in full...)

Were you nervous about asking your partners on your first date? How did you do it?

Q.   I like this waitress in my local pub that I want to ask out, but I'm nervous about it? I was just wondering whether readers were nervous about asking their partners out, and what they think I should do? (sounds obvious, but I'd still like ...

A.   24 June 2008: Nothing wrong with being a bit cheesy! As long as it fits fairly well with your own character - if it's something you can say without feeling that you are trying to be someone else. And SMILE. You don't have to grin like an idiot, but a smi... (read in full...)

Who here is against recreational sex? Any antisexuals?

Q.   I know several asexuals but only a handful of antisexuals. It's disheartening that I often feel I am alone on this. While asexuality is gaining acceptance, people ridicule those who are against sex. The only sex I am not against is proc...

A.   24 June 2008: LOL, LazyGuy. Actually, as I understand the teaching of the Catholic Church, the joy of sex within marriage is something to be celebrated - "the ultimate expression of love that unites couples", and not purely for procreation. This view bei... (read in full...)

Should the mother of my fiancee's kid back off a little?

Q.   Im interested in what you have to say and your opinion.. My fiancee has a 5 yr old son to another woman from years ago, before i ever knew him. She comes in our house to talk about 'their' son, which i dont have a problem with. Its when my fiancee ...

A.   24 June 2008: Yes I think you are being more possessive than you need to be - and that's quite understandable. If you fiancé can remain friends with the mother of his son, that's good not bad. There is no need for it to threaten your relationship with him. ... (read in full...)

Were you nervous about asking your partners on your first date? How did you do it?

Q.   I like this waitress in my local pub that I want to ask out, but I'm nervous about it? I was just wondering whether readers were nervous about asking their partners out, and what they think I should do? (sounds obvious, but I'd still like ...

A.   23 June 2008: OK. Keep it simple, fairly basic, and direct. So, something like this: She brings you the food you just ordered... "That's really nice..." [look straight into her eyes] "and so are you..." [hold the look for a second] "I suppose you're m... (read in full...)

Let the sleeping dog lay and see where things end up.........what does that mean?

Q.   Okay there was this guy I was pursuing and i found out that he was not interested in me. He gave me mixed signals so I continued to pursue him until I just told him how I felt. He said he just wanted to be friends. Although Im really "pretty and ...

A.   23 June 2008: It means he never paid attention in the English lessons when they were talking about mixed metaphors. Come on girl. Put your shoulder to the wheel and don't stop until you've left every pebble on the beach unturned. A boy in the bushes is worth... (read in full...)

Were you nervous about asking your partners on your first date? How did you do it?

Q.   I like this waitress in my local pub that I want to ask out, but I'm nervous about it? I was just wondering whether readers were nervous about asking their partners out, and what they think I should do? (sounds obvious, but I'd still like ...

A.   23 June 2008: Collaroy, we EXPECT men to be blubbering idiots. And usually we stand back to let him struggle through his embarrassment, pretending not to understand what he's trying to say until he feels a complete moron and eventually gets his words straight - ... (read in full...)

My sex life lacks passion, should I stay with my BF that I DO love or keep in contact with the other man who made me feel so special...?

Q.   I went away for the weekend with a group of friends to Ireland. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, who I love very much. Our sex life hasn't been very good for the last 1.5 years, he doesn't initiate things very often and only makes an ...

A.   23 June 2008: Well of course you should make an effort with your boyfriend if you love him. Not all men want to initiate sex all the time - and some of them really need a good kick to get them moving. But with most of them it's well worth it once you get them... (read in full...)

Were you nervous about asking your partners on your first date? How did you do it?

Q.   I like this waitress in my local pub that I want to ask out, but I'm nervous about it? I was just wondering whether readers were nervous about asking their partners out, and what they think I should do? (sounds obvious, but I'd still like ...

A.   23 June 2008: Just ask her. Why be nervous? What's the worst that's going to happen? She might say no, and so you move on to someone who might say yes! Of course you do have one problem. Where are you going to take her? I mean, asking her to go to the... (read in full...)

Why doesn't my mother want to meet my boyfriend?

Q.   Okay, my boyfriend and I have been dating three months, and it's got more serious in that time. I've met his mum, now I want him to meet mine. Problem is, that Mum doesn't want to meet him. When I suggested it, she went on about how she doesn't ...

A.   23 June 2008: Your mother has had some bad experiences with men and is terrified you will have the same. Having a man in the house, nice as he may be, just brings back the memory of all the hurt she has suffered. It may take a bit of time. Why don't you see ... (read in full...)

I need a way to find closure...help!!

Q.   My ex bf was controlling and sexually abusive to me. Then one day he dumped me out of the blue and moved on so quickly, like as if I never meant anything to him. I never got to tell him what I thought of him, I never got to actually stand up for m...

A.   23 June 2008: Move on. You don't want "closure". You're just calling it that. It's already closed, and what you want is to vent your anger at him. What's the point? It won't achieve anything. It won't even make you feel better, because when you do it he'll... (read in full...)

Should I forgive him after he punched a wall during an argument?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months he is very passionate and lovey dovey. I like it I'm that way too. But one night he was over and we got into an arguement about him going to a party without me. I told him if he goes without me ...

A.   23 June 2008: Right. I'm going to disagree with most of the others. Of course you need to be cautious, because this man has a serious aggressive streak. But many people are like that, and it doesn't have to be a problem for you. The fact that he punched ... (read in full...)

I like to experiment with everything sex wise whereas he doesn't. Is it wrong to want sex all the time?

Q.   Hello- Sorry if this is a bit inappropriate but I would like to get some feedback. I have been in a relationship for about a year now, my boyfriend and I have always had a healthy and very active sex life, but now it seems like I am a bit much for...

A.   23 June 2008: He just needs to be encouraged a bit, and you need to find out what he particularly likes. Nearly everyone has desires and fantasies that they don't like to mention, and somewhere in the depths of his thoughts there are probably some great ideas! ... (read in full...)

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