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*doneitagain

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What do we have together? He will not confirm if we are in a relationship.

Q.   Hi cupids any chance of a little help?? Been seeing a guy for 5 months now, it’s been ok-ish. I've began to fall for him and I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing allowing myself to as he's so complicated. He’s got a lot going for him, he ...

A.   7 February 2013: Don't ask him what he wants, or ask him to tell you if he thinks you are or aren't in a relationship. Tell him what you want. Tell him what you aren't happy about, tell him what you want, and then see what he does, not what he says. You can igno... (read in full...)

Can I see both? Or one or the other? What should I consider, and how can I decide?

Q.   I am 16,i have a b/f who i took as a brother and friend. Not as a lover I can't imagine him kissing me because the love i have for him is brotherly. Since then I have met another guy, and i realise i like him very much. But how do i see this ...

A.   7 February 2013: As you are experiencing, there are different kinds of love. Some love is brotherly, or feels like family, some love feels like friends, and some feels like someone you want to kiss and be physically close with. If you have a friend who you love like ... (read in full...)

She has started going on dating sites, in front of me. She tells me there is better than me out there. What should I do?

Q.   I have lived with my girlfriend for 5 years. We have both decided against getting married and have no children (she doesnt want any). Everything has been steady and we have always got on. Over the past 6 months she has got into a twice weekly g...

A.   7 February 2013: Firstly, I can imagine that what she is doing would be experienced by you as hurtful, even cruel. She is not being mindful of how hurtful it would be, for the person you are with to to turn to you and say, there's better out there than you, you're ... (read in full...)

Desperate - wife found a pic and says she is leaving

Q.   My wife and I have had a very close relationship - and we have both been known to get a little freaky regarding sex. We both use porn (me more than her), but she has never had any issues w/it at all. I recently created a "locked" folder on my pho...

A.   5 February 2013: I agree, its probably an over reaction, but what does my opinion matter, and in the face of her wanting to leave you, what does your opinion matter? The opinion you need to be listening to right now is hers. You need to find out how she feels and ... (read in full...)

Was it out of line for my therapist to tell me that I'm beautiful?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I recently started seeing a therapist because I have issues with my parents at home. I've been verbally abused my whole life and that is why I've decided to seek out a therapist. Last night I had my fist session with my therapist and...

A.   5 February 2013: This is both a question of whether it is appropriate, and more importantly in my mind, whether it is good therapy. It is generally difficult to judge comments outside of the context of the therapy session, or to know if what he said was exactly as ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant after a one-night-stand. How do I tell him? 

Q.   4 weeks ago I had a one-night-stand with this guy. A couple of days ago I took a test. I'm definitely pregnant. I want to tell him but I don't know how to. The major problem is he is in a relationship and his girlfriend doesn't know we had ...

A.   20 December 2012: There are 4 parts to this. There is you, your friend, the guy, and the baby. In terms of the baby... Obviously you need to decide if you are keeping the baby or not, and this is very much your decision. If you believe that the father has the r... (read in full...)

Do I need counseling or is this a passing phase?

Q.   i've recently broken up with my boyfriend who I was with for a few years. ever since the break up I feel as though i've lost all respect for myself and my trust in others. I've had sex with people since and i've just let them treat me like i'm ...

A.   28 November 2012: Both can be true. It can be true that this is just a phase that will pass with time. It can also be true though that using counselling as a tool through which to go through this phase can be a good idea. It is not to say that one has to see a ... (read in full...)

How can I get over my nervousness and do sexual things to my boyfriend?

Q.   How can get over my nerves in the bedroom and get some confidence? I've been with my partner a while now and the sex is great between us, hes incredible at everthing he does and I want to return the favour but I get so nervous I chicken out. I feel ...

A.   13 November 2012: Probably all you really need to do is tell him. If you tell him you want to do those things with him but that you become incredibly nervous in the moment, I am guessing it will release a lot of the tension you have around doing it. You might still ... (read in full...)

I'm sleeping with my best friend's husband and I don't want it to end

Q.   Last few months my best friend's husband and I have been sleeping together, last night he tells me he loves her and wants to break it off with me, I got mad and told him I don't want to end our relationship. What do I do? how do I keep him from ...

A.   8 November 2012: Short answer is, unfortunately for you, you can't. Basically, if he has given things a go with you and decided he loves his wife and wants to stay with her, there isn't much you can do really. You can try to change his mind, but that's not very ... (read in full...)

I think my behavior is what really ended the relationship, but I want a second chance with him.

Q.   Dear Cupid, Almost 3 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend due to his issues with comitting to a relationship because he feels he's too busy (but secretly I think it's partly because towards the end I was so stressed I became a real nasty piece...

A.   8 November 2012: Your best chance is to basically tell him all the things you have told us here on this website, to be honest about how you feel and how you think your behaviour related to the break up, and the ways you think you have been unfair to him. And how you ... (read in full...)

I'd like my gay friends as bridesmaids but my boyfriend is against gays

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for a while now, almost two years. We've had our fights, but never anything bad, we always make up, we know we love each other very much and would never intentionally try to hurt each other. He wants to get married after ...

A.   5 November 2012: I think it is important that a couple can negotiate their differences, in fact, it is vital for a successful relationship. In the same way that you are accepting of him not tolerating gays, he needs to be able to accept that you are accepting of ... (read in full...)

Our friends keep asking us if we would like to "house swap" with them! They are relentless!

Q.   This may seem trivial but I'm really angry about it... Basically my partner and I have bought a lovely 3 bed house. We've worked hard to be able to afford it- sacrificing things, working all hours, not having a decent holiday for the past 4 y...

A.   5 November 2012: Their actions and way of communicating are not the problem. They don't see any issue, they are either trying their luck, or being manipulative by using their kids, or just being tongue in cheek, or whatever, but they are ok with communicating in ... (read in full...)

How can I get my boyfriend back? My lies caused the break up. I lied because I knew he would not like the truth.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over 3 years now, on and off. He has always complained about my lying but the thing is then I did it to protect him since I knew he wouldn't like the truth. I know now it was stupid of me. Everyt...

A.   1 November 2012: "He has always complained about my lying but the thing is then I did it to protect him since I knew he wouldn't like the truth." You think you were lying to protect him because he wouldn't like the truth. Actually, you were lying to protect ... (read in full...)

Is it strange for a good looking 24 year old girl to be a virgin?

Q.   is it strange for a 24 year old , good looking girl to be a virgin? Some of my friends laugh about it and have told their guy friends who then called me the virgin mary. I like the way I am and am proud, why do others think it strange?? They think i ...

A.   29 October 2012: Strange is the word we use when a person's personal choice somehow differs from the socially accepted norm. Your choice does differ from the norm but that's not a bad thing necessarily. The norm is for people to have sex in their late teens an... (read in full...)

Help! I'm scared. This girl in our group already took over one girl's Bf. Now what can I do? Because I think she's after my Bf.

Q.   Hello:) Thanks in advance for your time:) I'm in a relationship, which is going well, and we are both in the same friendship group. All his guy mates, and all my girl mates are all mates! haha, but there is one problem. One of my girl mates...

A.   26 October 2012: There are two sides to this. First, talk to the girl. Not in a blaming or accusing way, but just to express how you feel. That can be a pretty tough conversation but its worth having, if she can hear you out it will change how you feel and your ... (read in full...)

Will he EVER leave her for me...?

Q.   I'm starting to fall for someone I met though work but I'm not sure if I am being silly thinking he will leave his girlfriend for me. When we first started chatting as friends he told me he lives with his girlfriend and their young son but he...

A.   26 October 2012: He could be sincere, and he could be using you. How do you find out the truth? Time. The simple solution is, if you want to pursue something long term with him, to let him know what you want, but that you aren't going to take anything further until ... (read in full...)

Do I need professional help? I STILL can't get my ex brother-in-law out of my mind!

Q.   Can't get ex brother-in-law out of my mind! I'm going to try and make a long story short! I'm still attracted to and in love with my ex brother in law and I can't get him out of my mind! It's driving me crazy! We has sex one time, and use ...

A.   25 October 2012: It is not a question of needing to seek professional help, its more a case of professional help being one of many options that you could use to work through a problem. I think it would be a good idea. You have a problem that you haven't been able to ... (read in full...)

Was this teacher's behaviour inappropriate?

Q.   I'm sitting in class around everyone, my teacher stands beside and in back of me for about 2 minutes not saying a word. Then she starts touching my hair for a good minute. Very awkward and made me feel uncomfortable. Are they allowed to do this? Sh...

A.   27 April 2012: It is inappropriate. Its no surprise you felt awkward and uncomfortable. They are not allowed to do that. You should tell someone. It is good to trust your feelings on this matter, if you feel it wasn't right, and if you feel that its probably best ... (read in full...)

I kissed a female friend jokingly, did I cheat?

Q.   hi guys, Just a quick one really. I kissed my female friend when out as a joke. Does this consitute as cheating? I've never thought about it before until the topic popped up on TV. I have zero interest in girls and have never been sexual with o...

A.   14 March 2012: No, you did not cheat because you kissed your friend with innocent intentions. You were not seeking sexual fulfillment from it, it was a joke. Try to not be hard on yourself or make yourself feel guilty for something you did with no bad intent ... (read in full...)

How can I incorporate psychology into my journalism career?

Q.   dear cupid, this isn't a relationship question, but i figured that it wouldn't hurt to take a chance on someone being able to provide me an answer here. anyways... my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend hurt him really badly--she cheated on him multip...

A.   19 October 2011: A few things come to mind. First, rather than think of it in terms of either/or, you can do both. You can follow a career in journalism and start to read about areas of psychology that interest you, or do some courses in psychology. If you take... (read in full...)

Do I open Pandora's box to ease my mind?

Q.   My boyfriend has been fairly open and up front with me about the women in his life. He has talked about one at work that apparently all the guys ogle, and another that has befriended him (I think she has a crush on him). We're friends on Facebook ...

A.   13 October 2011: Trust has two sides. There is your sense of trust in him, and his trustworthiness. You give the sense that you think he is generally trustworthy, and if he hasn't done anything to question your trust in him, it would seem that you need to look at ... (read in full...)

Is 9 months too little time to start a family in our circumstances?

Q.   Hi All, I dont really have a "problem" so to speak but more a situation that I need advice on, I hope some of you can help! :) I have been with a lovely girl now for 9 months, and we had an amazing 5 or 6 month start to our relationship tha...

A.   13 October 2011: It seems like you are asking this question because you want to know if everything will work out ok, or if it will all end in disaster. You want to know what other people's experiences were like so you can get an idea of how yours might be. The truth ... (read in full...)

Neither my cousin or I are getting our sexual needs met by our partners and are thinking of meeting up once in a while to 'satisfy' each other, any opinions?

Q.   Ok, I am a 28 year old married male that has a 29 year old married female cousin. I have been married for 5 years and she has been married for 1. We are first cousins and have always been very close growing up. She only has sisters and I only ...

A.   13 October 2011: I will outline some of the possible problems in point form for the sake of being brief: 1. This means you will both be cheating on your partners. This will affect you both emotionally, and affect both of your marriages. 2. You say "its just se... (read in full...)

Will a guy go back to his old ways?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had broke up for a while. He lied and hid a lot from me in the past. After he realized what he had lost he came back to me promised no more of that and because I love him I decided to get back with him. A part of me believes him ...

A.   13 October 2011: He might have the best intentions, but often this behaviour has its roots in the emotional patterns that a person has which are hard to control, often unknown to the person who experiences them, and as such often can't be changed on their own. ... (read in full...)

My 12 year old daughter kissed a boy. A little shocked, wasn't expecting it! Even though I knew it would! Big deal or not so much??

Q.   My daughter is 12 almost 13! I know what I'm getting ready to say ppl will think I'm nuts. Yes what I have to say is normal, but I am a single mom, I work and go to school! I have my own buisness so I could always be home with her! I have done this...

A.   8 October 2011: The problem here is that your concern over her and your emotional reaction will make her feel that she has done something wrong, something bad. The truth is, she hasn't. She is starting to develop sexually at an age where she is physically becoming ... (read in full...)

I want to take my family back into my life, but then ask myself, why would I, after all the hell that they've put me through?

Q.   I'm battling lots of different emotions right now and could really use some advice. For years, my sister has been sick with bipolar disorder and it's broken my family apart - worn my mum and dad down to shells of their former selves. I staye...

A.   8 October 2011: This is a complex situation. Firstly, I think it is good you have taken yourself out of what was clearly an emotionally abusive family situation. It doesn't surprise me to hear that you are doing better, and being in a dysfunctional environm... (read in full...)

My Dad asked me to tell a serious lie. I feel bad about that. Should I cut contact with him?

Q.   Hey everyone so its been awhile since i have been on here but i could really use some help, so this morning my dad called me and he lives six hours away from me and i only see him once in a great while and he asked me if i could do a favor for him ...

A.   8 October 2011: It was not right of your dad to ask you to lie for him. It sets a bad example and I am glad to hear that you had enough good sense and courage to tell him you didn't want to do it. What was worse though was that he put you in such a difficult ... (read in full...)

I can't guarantee I won't cheat on my boyfriend if I visit my ex.

Q.   I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. I wasn't too sure about going out with him at first, as he wasn't the type I would usually go for. I went for it, and found it the best decision I'd ever made. He is the most caring, ...

A.   8 October 2011: Your ex wants to have sex with you. He has already made convenient arrangements for you to stay over, it all sounds very reasonable and logical, but really, it is all just masking the fact that he wants to have sex with you. He probably wants to ... (read in full...)

Why did my last guy refuse to give me another chance? I know I cheated. What should I do?

Q.   Since as long as I can think back I have cheated on every guy I dated. I had been with my soul mate now for 9 years. For 2 years I did resist cheating except for the first 6 months. We was about to set a date to marry when he found out I was sex ...

A.   7 October 2011: Your title is: "Why did my last guy refuse to give me another chance? I know I cheated. What should I do?" Simply put, he refuses to give you another chance because he doesn't trust you, and he doesn't believe that if he gives you another chance y... (read in full...)

What is do the numbers signify? What's normal for you? Is more sex with more people success? Or is more relationship with one person more?

Q.   Out of curiosity, how many a) romantic relationships (i.e. dated for a while, no sex) b) full-on-committed relationships (i.e. with sex) and c) sexual relationships did you have by the time you were 22/23? This question is both for men and wom...

A.   7 October 2011: By the time I was 23 I had a few romantic relationships, had one sexual relationship and was in the middle of one full on committed relationship. The stats you get from this site probably won't match the stats for the average population. All 3 types ... (read in full...)

What to do? The Cook and I made out in the back room of the restaurant. Do we continue? He's married.

Q.   I work at a restaurant as a server. I get along with everyone I work with fairly well, but the cooks exceptionally. All the cooks are men (but I've always been more partial to having male friends than females) Somehow I managed to attract the atte...

A.   7 October 2011: This is a crossroads in your life. You have a choice to make, and the choice you make determines the kind of person you become in your future, and the life your future holds for you. If you choose to sleep with this guy, and fast forward to 5 yea... (read in full...)

Why do I have trouble completing sex in a committed relationship yet can reliably cum during flings and one night stands?

Q.   Hi, I'm a bit confused here, I'm 20 years old, and have only had 2 SERIOUS relationships, the previous lasting 4 years, and one currently. In between, and before the relationships I've had several flings / one night stands, etc. I've noticed I...

A.   7 October 2011: It is common for an underlying emotion, thought, fear, anxiety, or pattern to play out in our sex lives in committed relationship. In fact, it is so common that people joke about how when you get married, your sex life dies, and this is often due to ... (read in full...)

My fiance is inexperienced in so many ways. Should we grow old together and learn together? Or should I call it off?

Q.   Would you be worried if your fiance was inexperienced? Inexperienced with life, relationships, and sex. Would it be enough to call it off, even if everything else compatibility wise was perfect? Any input would be greatly appreciated. ...

A.   6 October 2011: It is understandable that if your fiance is inexperienced in life, you would be concerned because you don't know how he will respond to the challenges of life, and you don't know the person he will become. However, at your age in your early 20... (read in full...)

My husband has given me STIs!

Q.   I have been treated three times for STI's in the past five months. My husband claims he knows nothing of it. I have not slept with anyone else except him. I now insist we use condoms and he complains its not proper for people in marriage. Should i ...

A.   6 October 2011: You need to get professional medical advice on which STI's might be contracted by other means, and which one's have to be transmitted by sexual contact. The reason you need to seek professional advice is that your relationship is at stake. Some ... (read in full...)

Is it common for guys to take pictures of a girl during intimate moments?

Q.   This is pretty humiliating but i'd like to know peoples opinions. Me and a guy i was seeing were having sex then (without asking) he starts taking pictures of me! I was lying on the bed and he was standing and just started taking pictures while he...

A.   6 October 2011: To take photographs of you naked or engaging in a sexual act without your conset is at best unacceptable and at worst illegal. It is totally inappropriate behaviour unless it is agreed to, in your case you were totally unaware and it is a violation ... (read in full...)

Could I really just be a late bloomer?

Q.   Okay, I'm honestly starting to believe I'm a late bloomer. Both my dad and my brother are both hairy guys. I'm 19 and my navel hair is just starting to kick in. Everybody keeps saying, "Oh some guys don't grow hair on their bodies." Bullshit, Both ...

A.   30 September 2011: Your dad is not the only source of your genes. Was your mom also hairy and manly at 19? Do you look like the postman at all, lol? Some people develop genetic variations which is how evolution works, there might have been something in the combination ... (read in full...)

How normal, or how often, is it likely a person could get depressed by what their loved one says?

Q.   How normal or often is it to get depressed by what your loved one says? sometimes I feel like I was in a better place before I talk to my boyfriend. He's very politically centered, and I just don't like politics. everything has to be poli...

A.   30 September 2011: "How normal or often is it to get depressed by what your loved one says?" Actually, the feeling of getting depressed is from the other aspect you mentioned. It is from you not being able to say what you feel. It is from the part where you say ... (read in full...)

I've been waiting for 2 and a half years for my boyfriend to talk to me! Is he worth it?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 years and a month. (Since I was 12, and now I'm 17.) After 2 and a half years together, he moved across the US from me. Before he left, everything in our relationship was GREAT! He was the perfect ...

A.   30 September 2011: Just because you say something, doesn't make it so. Actions speak louder than words. I can tell people I am the king of the moon, but it doesn't mean anything. You tell people you are together, that you are boyfriend and girlfriend, but what does ... (read in full...)

I used her laptop to watch porn, and now she's mad at me. I don't understand the fuss!

Q.   Hey there, I got in somewhat of a shocking fight today with my girlfriend, let me explain. First of all she found out that Ive watched porn on her laptop in her house when she was in class. That day I woke up and she was already at class, I ...

A.   30 September 2011: It is clear that you didn't mean to disrespect her. It is also clear that she feels disrespected. I can tell that it is important to you for her to know that you didn't intend to disrespect her, and once she has calmed down I am sure she will be ... (read in full...)

Why is he acting this way when I mention a friend?

Q.   So I'm sleeping with a guy that at first was only once week a week and now it has turned into 3-5 days a week. He has told me he wants nothing serious, but lately he has been wanting to meet my family, me to meet his friends, and do things like go ...

A.   30 September 2011: I think your feelings are correct again, it sounds like he wants to be with you and doesn't feel comfortable to say it. Or that he isn't ready to say it. Sometimes things take time to form, but you have the answer you wanted, he said he loves you, ... (read in full...)

I've been waiting for 2 and a half years for my boyfriend to talk to me! Is he worth it?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 years and a month. (Since I was 12, and now I'm 17.) After 2 and a half years together, he moved across the US from me. Before he left, everything in our relationship was GREAT! He was the perfect ...

A.   29 September 2011:  "After he left, we've still been together all this time" Actually you haven't been together, you have been apart and waiting. Your relationship has been on hold. You might have some agreement in place where you have agreed to start your relat... (read in full...)

I used her laptop to watch porn, and now she's mad at me. I don't understand the fuss!

Q.   Hey there, I got in somewhat of a shocking fight today with my girlfriend, let me explain. First of all she found out that Ive watched porn on her laptop in her house when she was in class. That day I woke up and she was already at class, I ...

A.   29 September 2011: This is not a question of right and wrong. It is simply a question of perspective. It is understandable that you did what you did and felt ok about it, because of how you view porn, sex, masturbation and relationships. It is also understandable that ... (read in full...)

Why is he acting this way when I mention a friend?

Q.   So I'm sleeping with a guy that at first was only once week a week and now it has turned into 3-5 days a week. He has told me he wants nothing serious, but lately he has been wanting to meet my family, me to meet his friends, and do things like go ...

A.   29 September 2011: You answered your own question. You need to ask him if his feelings have changed, which it sounds like they have. It also shows that your intuition is correct, and that you can trust it in the future to answer questions which come up for you. I am ... (read in full...)

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