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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 14 July 2014: Sadly I think you'll have to be guarded about what you tell anyone in her son's family. They seem to be tolerating her continuing reign of harassment.
That they tolerate it, does NOT mean that you have to put up with her continuing harassment.
Wh... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 14 July 2014: Hi
I used the term Judge. But it seems in your country you have another role which is less than a Judge but where the person has plenty of Power in the Courts at a lower level than a Judge. In your country it is called a Magistrate.
I don't k... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 14 July 2014: A threat to your business?
That is a serious threat to your livelihood.
Get a lawyer to handle this. She needs to hear a Judge warn her off.
She will not listen to you and you are wasting your time trying to appeal to her.
Her aims towards you... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 13 July 2014: No I don't think it will help at all. She will no doubt be contemptuous about the letter.
By writing to her you are giving her the attention and drama that she craves. You will be giving her the Power over you that she thinks she is entitled to y... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 5 July 2014: hi
you really must get over this guilt, it is unproductive.
Get some counselling if you start to want to go back to being humiliated and abused and manipulated.
Doing the same thing again will get you into an unhealthy situation and you will not... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 5 July 2014: Well done that you managed for TWO YEARS without them. The world did not stop while you left did it?
They managed without you while you were away?
You have been there and done that in the past and you know how toxic they are towards you.
Cont... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 25 March 2013: you will need to be more guarded in what you say. While your siblings are still ''under the thumb'' they should be give limited information. When they are mature enough to respect your privacy and you can trust them to keep a confidence then they ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 25 March 2013: Hi
Yes I think the letter will add fuel to the fire. And I don't think you have to physically move again to get some distance.
They still make you feel hurt even though you distanced yourself from them. Part of the problem being that you still al... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 21 January 2013: Hi,
Good to hear from you again.
Your selfish parents are never going to change, you know that. So don't allow this crisis with your brother to draw you back into the family and then see yourself back into the abusive cycles you suffered when you... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 19 December 2012: you can wallow in self pity or you can use the time she is away wisely.
but i think you prefer to go over and over the state of the predicament you are in instead of making yourself completely unavailable to this women. Physically, emotionally, psyc... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 16 December 2012: What magic answer are you looking for? That you married the right woman? No you did not. That your wife will change if you can just discover the right moves? No she will not. That deep down your wife loves you? No, all her actions indicate tha... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 12 December 2012: hi Soul,
You seem to be going around in circles repeating some things you mentioned earlier.
And you seem to be trying way too hard to impress your wife. What is she doing to impress you? Fair is fair.
Do you think that maybe you are trying too h... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 9 December 2012: For Goodness sake you are living with a dangerous deranged cruel woman. Thousands of men enduring Domestic Abuse at the hands of a cruel woman DO walk out.
Don't hint you are walking out. Instead consult a Divorce lawyer
Don't threaten to walk out... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 5 December 2012: Your wife is TOXIC to your good health in the future.
And she is TOXIC when it comes to trying to undermine you.
And further she is wrong.
I have met some very successful couples.
Invariably they are ON THE SAME PAGE as far as their values and... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 3 December 2012: She sounds so convincingly TOXIC that the only option appears to be that you tell her to go back to her ex.
That you will move on and move forward without her.
This is an unhealthy relationship.
Without her putting you down I suspect that you cou... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 3 December 2012: my view has always been that if you love and adore a person then you would happily live in a tent with them on the edge of the river, and still be happy, since they are with you,
But...
If a person is NOT in love with you then 16 bedrooms , 21 bat... (read in full...)
Would like to hear some advice about being with a widower
Q. Would like to hear some advice about being with a widower How do you know if they're ready, and can they be very warm and flirty one day, and more withdrawn, though still very friendly, another time? I really like this guy, he's been widowed jus...
A. 2 December 2012: It may be a cultural thing that he is hesitant. I was a younger widow than you when I was widowed and my problem was not finding one nice man. My irritation was men approaching me who I was absolutely not interested in. I mean a married neighbor, NO ... (read in full...)
She is a weak woman who thinks with her heart and not her head. what is wrong with her?
Q. hi i got myself into a tissy and i my conscious is getting the best of me. sometime ago i connected with a woman on a dating site. i didnt tell her i was bi and not divorced and occassionally sleeping with my husband and my man boss. she thinks...
A. 2 December 2012: You want this woman all to yourself - you want her available to you, at your discretion. Because she is gorgeous. So does that suggest she is a trophy to you? Yet you also want to get her to back off a little, so you want to let her down, but ke... (read in full...)
I'm starting to wish I was single again. Should I attempt counselling to try and heal?
Q. I am starting to wish I could be single more and more. I am really regretting to marry my wife. I wish this could be turned around. Last night I told her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. What I mean is to honor my commitment t...
A. 1 December 2012: She demonstrating all the signs that she really is not committed to you at all. You married her, so you provided her with one thing she wanted. Citizenship.
How the next stage. She IS looking for a richer husband.
Without doubt she does not lov... (read in full...)
I'm 14, am I ready for sex?
Q. I am a 14 year old girl...i am from india...the question i want to ask is that am i ready for sex?...i know this guy since 8 months..we are pretty much good friends...we share everything with eachother..no secrets...he wants to have sex with me...so ...
A. 28 November 2012: Any guy encouraging a 14 year old to consider sex at 14 is a predatory guy who will use you and hurt you.
You are definitely NOT ready for sex.
Why do I say this?
I know you are a teenager.
But the LAW defines you as a child.
And that is do... (read in full...)
What can I do to take away the awkwardness and make her like me?
Q. I met a girl during my class and she is not that beautiful but I'm very attracted to her. Whenever I see her outside the class, we talked only about the subject we're both in. We always exchanged smiles and teases but now we do not talk anymore. It ...
A. 26 November 2012: It's early days and ignore your classmates who are making mischief by teasing you, and probably her as well.
If you want her to like you then play a waiting game.
Do not show interest in another girl.
Do remain a gentleman at all times in her... (read in full...)
How do I get over my married lover who is also the father of my daughter? I've tried, but it's so difficult.
Q. MY daughter's father and i broke up 9 months ago. I'm still not over him. We have a 15 month old daughter together, he is married and is having another baby. I know you might think what do i want with him? It's not that i want him its more so i c...
A. 24 November 2012: Oh dear, what a rotten thing to do to you.
What a Huge betrayal you've had to get over.
He is indeed a jerk. To you and to his wife.
And in the time you were together you had 'relationship' problems with each other. So things were not perfect... (read in full...)
How do I get over my married lover who is also the father of my daughter? I've tried, but it's so difficult.
Q. MY daughter's father and i broke up 9 months ago. I'm still not over him. We have a 15 month old daughter together, he is married and is having another baby. I know you might think what do i want with him? It's not that i want him its more so i c...
A. 24 November 2012: Your ex was never truthful to you.
Is he paying regular and reasonable child support? If not get it regularised. If yes then he should. That payment is for HIS CHILD to support HIS CHILD. You don't have to provide him any comfort in return. ... (read in full...)
I really like him, but I'm not sure if he's interested
Q. There is this guy I like at my school. I'm 20 and he's 21. The first time I spoke to him he was very nervous and fidgety. I was walking and talking with him but out of nowhere he just walked away in the middle of the conversation still smiling. I ...
A. 22 November 2012: I agree with you. When he is with you he is inept and socially awkward to the point of rudeness. And I think he is trying to appear "cool" and failing. By any standards his behaviour is rude.
He has some learning to do. IF he ever did a "emo... (read in full...)
Whats on this older mans mind?
Q. so quick summary : i'm 19 and go gym very often this guy lets call him 'S' is 30, yeah its abit of an age difference. ('S'works at the gym) we make alot of eyecontact and smile and flirt etc ...hes never too foward with the flirting, we have ...
A. 20 November 2012: I think he is a player.
He first got you thinking he was interested (the flirting) then he gave you the cold shoulder. That second move was his game where he hoped that you would come on to him, thinking he liked you.
In fact it is a game that ... (read in full...)
I don't understand the way he's acting, please help!
Q. I have been with my bf for 5 yrs only 3 days ago he changed he started telling me to shut up every time I spoke that he hates me. He didn't want me to stop at his mum house were he lives. So I went home and thought that it might be cuz he hasn't had ...
A. 19 November 2012: Hi
Sadly he seems to be having his own life crisis, the like of which perhaps only his Doctor can untangle.
If there is medication that he should be taking (but has chosen not to take) then that may be part of the answer.
You on the other han... (read in full...)
Boyfriend had anal with me without asking first. Should I be freaked out?
Q. Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and love each other very much. We're very serious and have been making plans live together this summer. We have a great sex life-- we've very open with each other and I trust hi...
A. 19 November 2012: What you describe is completely unacceptable in a relationship and I have no doubt you were shocked beyond belief.
What he did is enough grounds to break up withhim.
ANd I concur completely with person12345 on this one. What he did was a crime. T... (read in full...)
How can I make him commit to me?
Q. I am emotionally drained. I love someone who I have a child with. We have a 27year old on and off love affair. He always says his life is to complicated to commite to anyone. But continues to want to spend time with me. I'm not fulfill with ...
A. 18 November 2012: Put him out of your mind. He will always be selfish and he will never see you as his life partner.
Sadly he has chosen to have a very poor opinion of you - otherwise he would have committed to you on any of the days in the past 27 years. He neve... (read in full...)
How do I get over my past abusive relationship?
Q. I'm going to try to shorten the backstory as much as I can, but it is a bit of a long one. I was sexually, emotionally, and psychologically abused by my first boyfriend, first everything really. He coerced me into everything but intercourse, i ...
A. 18 November 2012: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
You need to remind yourself that you were always INNOCENT of any wrong doing.
And you need to remind yourself that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.
And finally you also need to remind yourself that YOU DID NOTHING ... (read in full...)
I feel ashamed that I have let him have such power over me. Please help me!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I know he is probably a good person, but he makes me so sad most of the time. He literally critiques almost everything I do. Just to make sure I wasn't crazy, which he frequently tells me I am, I started ...
A. 18 November 2012: He has sapped you of your inner confidence.
You need to leave immediately and after you leave you will need immediate counselling.
If you do not get into counselling you are likely to want to go back to him. And when you do his abuse will become w... (read in full...)
Should I talk to him about it and hint around?
Q. So i've been talkign to this guy for months now, and this is our story. i met him in college when i started this year, and we've been friends for awhile. but i'm not sure that i can call ourselves friendly at this point. we've grown pretty c...
A. 18 November 2012: hi
Sounds to me like he's ambitious and very focused on his studies. Which is better than a guy who gives you 24/7 attention but is failing in all his grades.
Also he may be one of those very cautious guys who likes to observe the girl's behav... (read in full...)
Would you date someone who is mentally ill, more specifically bipolar?
Q. Would you date someone who is mentally ill, more specifically bipolar? I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, and in my googling I have read many, many warnings from people who have dated bipolar people to steer clear of us. I have al...
A. 18 November 2012: Since 25% of the population in the world will, at some stage in their life, need help with anything from (in alphabetical order, not in any order of severity) Anxiety, Aspergers, Autism, Bi-polar, Depression, Paranoia, Scitzophrenia etc, etc, etc ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 16 November 2012: First Congratulations with the recognition. Sounds like you deserve such recognition.
Actions: these tell intentions.
IF your grandmother was really proud of you then she would not seek to undermine you. She would make it her mission to find out... (read in full...)
What are your best survival tips to help you and your loved ones in a Super Storm like Sandy?
Q. to all the wonderful people in Dear Cupid affected by Super Storm Sandy my Good Wishes to you. Such natural events can have repercussions on family life, relationships, friendships and cause personal pain. Wherever you are, if you've missed fl...
A. 1 November 2012: Thank you for taking the time to provide updates.
There will always be another Sandy or a Sandra in the future.
An event like Sandy often reveals more tragedies after the waters have subsided.
You all received 5 stars from me.
So Very ... (read in full...)
What are your best survival tips to help you and your loved ones in a Super Storm like Sandy?
Q. to all the wonderful people in Dear Cupid affected by Super Storm Sandy my Good Wishes to you. Such natural events can have repercussions on family life, relationships, friendships and cause personal pain. Wherever you are, if you've missed fl...
A. 31 October 2012: My first suggestion would always to have a battery operated radio and a mobile phone that is charged up.
Is this a good suggestion or of not much use?
And somewhere safe to retreat to that is very safe. ... (read in full...)
Still single and sick of it. How do I put the Zippity Do Dah into my life and Spice things up enough, to learn how to successfully date and become a partner to a nice girl?
Q. I posted here before 4 years ago. I imagine you probably receive hundreds of messages like this regularly. I thought long and hard about whether to actually send it. I actually wrote something sinilar to this at the beginning of the year ju...
A. 30 October 2012: Hi You have some GREAT things going for you. But there is something else that is not resonating with the girls. So there are some adjustments to make. My guy and I know a lovely 45 year old very well employed, financially stable, in fact in... (read in full...)
She created a fake profile to talk with him after telling me she'd deleted him...
Q. true issues. please help she made a fake profile on Facebook to talk to a guy behind my back, what should i do? Long story short, we had some trust issues because of this guy, she said she would block and delete him, she did that, then recently...
A. 28 October 2012: You cannot trust her word.
She is weak.
You will always face more trouble from a weak person as you cannot rely on them and they will not honour their word. They agree to things too readily. They are often too scared to tell the truth. Their pr... (read in full...)
Is telling the truth one option? How do I get out of this tangled web of lies that I created? My Imaginary Gay Boyfriend is causing problems with my ex and I
Q. Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Firstly let me just say that I am a really honest guy, who doesn't normally lie (truth) (Hard to believe when you hear my story). But one lie I told recently has snowballed into ...
A. 28 October 2012: You have broken a whole lot of eggs into the bowl and it's scrambled.
Your ex has moved on.
Time you stopped contacting your ex.
Explain? It would take too much time and waste the time fo your ex.
Start afresh somewhere else. make new friends... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from my boyfriend and I'm worried that something happened!
Q. Yesterday was my boyfriend's birthday, I was so excited to see him so I could give him gifts and stuff. I know his schedule for the day, he had work from 12:00- 6:00. So, I texted him at 10 in the morning, figuring that if he wasn't awake by then, ...
A. 28 October 2012: This is not a good situation if he has given you the impression that he is your boyfriend, and yet he chose not to have you beside him for his birthday celebrations.
When a guy likes a girl he actively wants her to share special events like his birt... (read in full...)
How does he always seem to turn up?
Q. theres this boy who is always just turning up when I arrive in the cafeteria and I dont even have a really regular set routine. So how is it when I choose to go early there he is? When I choose to sit outside he just happens to walk up the path ...
A. 28 October 2012: i like the advice Karlos gave you as I think that's a very logical explanation. Perhaps this guy at your school senses something within you that resonates with him, based on his earlier experience when he started at the school.
Talk to him. He soun... (read in full...)
First meeting with his parents and I. Do I take a present and if so what?
Q. My Boyfriend said he wants me to meet his parents next weekend and I am scared. We have been together now for 6 months and this is the first time he has suggested this. He said to me to not be bothered by his Mother. I asked him what he meant an...
A. 27 October 2012: If it's not until next weekend it's good that you are already thinking things through in advance now, and not Leaving these things until it ishalf an hour before you are due to visit.
And it seems you really want to take a gift even though your... (read in full...)
It feels like people in this Gaming club hate me. How do I still enjoy the club and make friends?
Q. So I joined my school's gaming club, because I love gaming and I want to meet other gamers, but almost all of the people in the gamer club seem to hate me, because one time I was with one of their friends and they kept bugging me and I lost my ...
A. 27 October 2012: Where there is a close knit community of people in any situation, at work, at school or in club the existing members can develop a "them versus us" mentality.
They do not see the reality.
They gang up and use nasty tactics to exclude the new pers... (read in full...)
My due date is soon. I'm really scared. So how can I get this fear under control?
Q. When my mum had my youngest sister 6 years ago she had really bad complications in pregnancy (eclampsia) She ended up really sick and to be honest it frightend me to bits as being 18 at the time, the memory is very fresh. I'm now expecting my...
A. 27 October 2012: Sit down for Long Appointment with your Doctor for a thorough going over of all the issues likely to affect your pregnancy. And if you are still anxious after the Doctor has spoken then organise some counselling sessions to help you deal with your ... (read in full...)
She is not demonstrative. Am I unreasonable being irked that she will not initiate any hugging nor kisssing?
Q. Hey everyone, I've been a relationship for the past 2.5 years now. I'm 18 and my girlfriend is also 18 and we are each others first boyfriend and girlfriend. We have chosen not to have sex until marriage however there is always one thing that bu...
A. 27 October 2012: She may lack confidence in sexual matters. but I would be concerned that this may well be who she is for all time. Some people are less demonstrative and not 'huggy" type people. You could be setting yourself up for an intolerable situation in the ... (read in full...)
Help me make a list of everything I need to take with me!
Q. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. About mid afternoon I am meeting up with my boyfriend and going for a walk around a local park. Then we are going back to his house to get ready to go out to a mutual friend's birthday party, I will be ...
A. 27 October 2012: Try to choose clothing that will not need ironing.
Pack in an extra pair of jeans and an extra t-shirt.
Now here is the list:
your tooth brush (hopefully he will supply toothpaste and soap - but if in doubt bring your toothpaste too)
deoderant ... (read in full...)
My wife has been keeping secrets from me. What did she do in Vegas?
Q. My wife and I were in Venice sitting on a hotel balcony overlooking the Grand Canal. We were joined by 2 girls in their mid 20s and a boy about the same age. Conversation let to what our favorite city was. When my wife's turn came she stated h...
A. 26 October 2012: She probably gets sick of being the 'professional' where levity is not encouraged where she works.
She probably knows you adore her as a lady on a pedestall.
I think she just lets her hair down, gambles a little, allows herself to kick her heels of... (read in full...)
Would it be best to wait? New relationship: Is there really anytime where sex is to soon?
Q. after having my daughter 5 months ago, and her father leaving me while i was pregnant .. I Finally met someone amazing . He Makes me laugh , has a great personality , extreamly attractive , has a lot of things going for himself There's nothi...
A. 26 October 2012: Hi
The Chemistry you have with this guy sounds wonderful.
Guys love the chase, and how difficult the chase is. Build some strength into the relationship before you choose to have sex.
The guy will never think less of you if you choose to del... (read in full...)
Does he take me for granted? Am I not a Priority in his life? NO birthday present from him either!!
Q. Hi all, I need a little help trying to decipher my boyfriend's behaviour over the weekend. We have been together for 6 months and are in a long distance relationship. He is sweet and has had a tough year with his dad dying and moving house a...
A. 26 October 2012: Hi
You know what you need to do to keep your self respect intact.
His could not care less attitude does him no favours.
And do not listen to any excuses if he later on decides he wants to resume things.
If he can treat you with cavalier distain... (read in full...)
He makes racist inappropriate comments. Now it seems he may have been seeing a local prostitute of the same race he vilifies. What do I do?
Q. My boyfriend is nearly 40. He makes comments all the time if we are out and see an oriental woman with a man he immediately says "oh look it's bought your wife". He even said that my friend who was 27 and going out with a 42 year old was going ou...
A. 26 October 2012: I hope you don't have to think more than a minute to make your mind up to leave this nasty racist cheating liar.
What an appalling embarassing man with such ugly attitudes.
And if he is seeing prostitutes then he potentially puts you at risk too ... (read in full...)
She belittles me in public. Should I stay friends with her?
Q. My girl friend is from a richer home than me. i'm broke she can't assist me financially. When ever we are out for an outing and we happen to get into one dissagreement or the other,she tends to talk too recklessly and shout at me on the top of he...
A. 26 October 2012: Definitely not.
No matter who she thinks she is, no matter how arrogant and entitled she thinks she is, she has NO RIGHT to be so rude.
She is a BULLY and she may think she is "someone" because of her money and wealth she has access to, but in t... (read in full...)
Family Guest arriving soon. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) mattress cover on the double bed where they will be sleeping alone?
Q. Okay, this is an odd question and probably doesn't belong here, but... We have some guests coming soon. One of them is a bit mentally challenged. The last time we saw this person, they smelled terribly of urine. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) ...
A. 26 October 2012: If there was odour then the protecter was used.
The fabric can hold a huge amount of fluid and still seem dry to touch.
Hospitals use them all the time.... (read in full...)
Twelve years together. But now his porn addiction has taken a nasty turn for the worse. Should I dump him?
Q. My man friend (been together 12 years) has a porn addiction. In the last 6 months..he's given out his phone number so these nasty ladies can contact him by text. He say's it's just a game. The other day I looked at his history and discover...
A. 26 October 2012: if he continues on this slippery slide into the depths of depravity, depending on the repulsive illegal porn that has now taken his fancy, then you need to ask yourself:
If he decides to act upon his fantasies and the things he enjoys watching... (read in full...)
How best can I find a partner that I can enjoy life with?
Q. I originally wrote http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-aspergers-and-im-bisexual-how-do.html Thank you for your advice. As for the positives, I'm good at computers and have a variety of interests - however, these tend to be very male-domin...
A. 26 October 2012:
People with Apsergers are often gifted and intellectually intelligent.
But sometimes their emotional intelligence needs some work to ensure satisfactory relationships with others. Often they come to rely on their partner to smooth over many thi... (read in full...)
How do I toughen myself up and keep from crying over the littlest things and getting too dependent on my boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone. To start off, I am an extremely emotional person, I always have been since I was little. I used to be very dependent on my boyfriends in the past, always going from relationship to relationship because I loved the attention and felt ...
A. 26 October 2012: How sad that the first answer from the anonymous poster has disappeared. Well it was a great answer when I read it, and I gave it 5 stars... (read in full...)
After 5 years he's still putting off us moving in together. Is this relationship going anywhere?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we are both 24 years old. We get on well most of the time and love each other a lot. I have my own house but he still lives at home with his mum. I'm getting to a point in my life where i am ...
A. 26 October 2012: If guy has not made concrete plans to be with you permanently after two years he is stringing you along. Time and time again I have seen guys who have made up their mind in the first year and then are eager to bring the plans to fruition before the ... (read in full...)
GF doesn't like her engagement ring, what do I do?
Q. I recently proposed to my girlfriend who said yes. Our wedding is in March and she just finally told me that she doesn't like her ring because people don't know it's an engagement ring when they see it and it won't match her dress and clothes. It's ...
A. 25 October 2012: That sounds like a very classy ring. Demonstrating that you have extremely good taste..... in choosing a superb ring.
And it was unique. People who love good jewellery know that Pink Diamonds are much rarer than white. And Pink Diamonds are more... (read in full...)
Do I stay and hope he can contain his love of gambling? Or do I go?
Q. me and boyfriend have been together a year, we now live together and i love him very much. i have a daughter from a previous relationship who he is great with. the problem is he likes to gamble, hes currently awaiting his date to join the army, s...
A. 25 October 2012: leave him. At least you can plan your life. A friend mentioned that she ran into her ex recently. How glad she is that she escaped in time. Her ex has since been married three times. Gets extremely defensive if he feels anyone is implying he has a ... (read in full...)
Should I talk to him about it and hint around?
Q. So i've been talkign to this guy for months now, and this is our story. i met him in college when i started this year, and we've been friends for awhile. but i'm not sure that i can call ourselves friendly at this point. we've grown pretty c...
A. 20 October 2012: Some guys like to keep their private life private. Not everyone wants the whole world to know exactly when and where and how and in what way and why they have feelings for a person.
Once his behaviour would be described as the mark of a gent... (read in full...)
Family Guest arriving soon. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) mattress cover on the double bed where they will be sleeping alone?
Q. Okay, this is an odd question and probably doesn't belong here, but... We have some guests coming soon. One of them is a bit mentally challenged. The last time we saw this person, they smelled terribly of urine. Is it okay to put a rubber(?) ...
A. 15 October 2012: I am not sure if a rubber mattress will be enough. That may not absorb the liquid. And a smell may linger in the rubber mattress,
There are better absorbent padded fabric options available today to address a growing problem, as some people r... (read in full...)
Does he take me for granted? Am I not a Priority in his life? NO birthday present from him either!!
Q. Hi all, I need a little help trying to decipher my boyfriend's behaviour over the weekend. We have been together for 6 months and are in a long distance relationship. He is sweet and has had a tough year with his dad dying and moving house a...
A. 14 October 2012: I don't like that he does not have the courage to tell you exactly where you stand.
He is leaving you to just wonder.
He's running out of excuses.
You are NOT to be treated in such a cavalier manner.
He may be feeling distracted but i... (read in full...)
Does he take me for granted? Am I not a Priority in his life? NO birthday present from him either!!
Q. Hi all, I need a little help trying to decipher my boyfriend's behaviour over the weekend. We have been together for 6 months and are in a long distance relationship. He is sweet and has had a tough year with his dad dying and moving house a...
A. 13 October 2012: Hi
When people are Depressed and Grieving their bodies start to slow down like a clock that has not been wound.
They need to go through a healing process that may last 6 months, 12 months or longer.
They are less resilient when they are grieving... (read in full...)
Does he take me for granted? Am I not a Priority in his life? NO birthday present from him either!!
Q. Hi all, I need a little help trying to decipher my boyfriend's behaviour over the weekend. We have been together for 6 months and are in a long distance relationship. He is sweet and has had a tough year with his dad dying and moving house a...
A. 13 October 2012: i think explore with him, first, what other external pressures are on him. Things he may not want to share with you, but which may be affecting him.
Things like:
Has he developed a porn addiction that is very focused on women's boobs?
This is m... (read in full...)
Does he take me for granted? Am I not a Priority in his life? NO birthday present from him either!!
Q. Hi all, I need a little help trying to decipher my boyfriend's behaviour over the weekend. We have been together for 6 months and are in a long distance relationship. He is sweet and has had a tough year with his dad dying and moving house a...
A. 12 October 2012: Long distance relationships do put so much added pressure on the relationship and six months is not long for any relationship. Fortunately for you he is generally a sweet guy. But he has faced a very sad and challenging year and may certainly still ... (read in full...)
How do I toughen myself up and keep from crying over the littlest things and getting too dependent on my boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone. To start off, I am an extremely emotional person, I always have been since I was little. I used to be very dependent on my boyfriends in the past, always going from relationship to relationship because I loved the attention and felt ...
A. 15 September 2012: And if A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012):(the first answer you received) was a logged in poster I would want to give that answer 5 stars. It was a great answer - with really good advice too. I gave it 5 stars anyway.... (read in full...)
How do I toughen myself up and keep from crying over the littlest things and getting too dependent on my boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone. To start off, I am an extremely emotional person, I always have been since I was little. I used to be very dependent on my boyfriends in the past, always going from relationship to relationship because I loved the attention and felt ...
A. 15 September 2012: A sense of humor always helps and being able to laugh at ourselves. But if you are feeling extra sad then that can be a little difficult, to see the funny side of life.
And some people are naturally positive and others are not. I think some peop... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 18 February 2012: Thank you for your beautiful follow up. Really made me feel extra good. Much appreciated and I wish you well in the future too
Regards
Abella ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 17 February 2012: By the way if you were 15 or 20 my advice would be different. Because you would still be learning life lesson.
And there may be more lessons to learn. But you are the one who will decide which lessons you choose to learn from, for a better f... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mother and grandmother. What do I do?
Q. Hello, This is a family orientated relationship problem. I am a 30 year old female. I am in contact with my grandmother and siblings. My father and I have been estranged for 10 years with very little communication in that time. Over the p...
A. 17 February 2012: First off Dump Any guilt about what ever you do decide to do in your life.
You are intelligent and capable and attractive, you do not need their approval nor their advice nor their endorsement about any of your life decisions nor your business deci... (read in full...)
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