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*alvern

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Etiquette on footing the bill

Q.   Hi..My question is unrelated to a relationship but who is supposed to pay, and how often, when at a bar. For example, there's this foreign friend of mine working in my city, who I meet with quite often for a drink or so. Unlike him, I'm not into ...

A.   15 December 2018: I had this issue many years ago with two friends were happily knocking back the Gina & Tonics whilst I stuck with a humble glass of cider, and I was paying for their drinks, it was very annoying and I couldn't afford to be doing it. I think all you ... (read in full...)

Why do men string me along?

Q.   Hello. I am a 43 year old woman who asked for advice with her I’ll health and dead end personal life last hear and I got good advice. This year, I worked in a better job and started dating people in may. I do meet men but they are usually youn...

A.   15 December 2018: It's a minefield out there and you've got to keep going if you want to meet somebody special. I was single for nearly 20 years and recently re-married. Much like you I've been strung along and met all types but there are good men out there too. Be ... (read in full...)

Parents moving- what should I do with my pet?

Q.   Need some help please on a family related issue please.. My parents have been alcoholics since I was little and I had a hard upbringing. The only thing that really helped me growing up at home was having my pet dog alongside me (he's mine since...

A.   3 December 2018: Aaaahh you've got to keep him with you, he's yours and you are his. Maybe by now you have found a solution but if not then all I can think of that you employ the services of a dog walker who will come in your house at pre arranged times, and, if ... (read in full...)

I think my crush found out I like him and now he's avoiding me

Q.   I have a crush on this guy ( let’s call him K ) We used to study in the same class. I went to another class now so we don’t see each other often. Back when we were in the same class, he used to talk to me and tease me a lot. I think he liked me, but ...

A.   3 December 2018: He was just being friendly with you, and possibly flirty, but to him it was nothing more than that because he obviously doesn't want a relationship. Don't be knocked back by this, it happens to us all at some time or another. Not everybody we ... (read in full...)

Should I ask her out or wait until the divorce is final?

Q.   I am very interested in asking out a woman with whom I have developed a nice freindship, including some flirting. The difficulty is that she recently filed for divorce. Some people say I should wait until it is final...others say go for it. I would ...

A.   3 December 2018: Keep well away, you don't want to end up being involved in somebody elses divorce or you could really land yourself in a mess.... (read in full...)

I feel like I need her permission to leave the relationship. Is she crazy?

Q.   Hi everyone, I need advice about a girl who I think is totally crazy. I am 26 and she is 33. Bit of an age gap but she seemed very nice so i thought i'd give her a chance. I decided now I don't want to be with her but I want to know if I did an...

A.   3 December 2018: With this sort of behaviour on her part you can legally do something about this. You can bring a case of harassment against her. Most solicitors in the UK give a free half hour of advice and I think it would be best to ring one of them up and give ... (read in full...)

Is it possible we "love" each other?

Q.   Hi. I've been married since 1995,and we get along fine, but I met this lady "B" at work in 2004. Without meaning to, we became very close even though she was engaged to someone I knew. Nothing actually happened because she was my boss, but everyone ...

A.   3 December 2018: This situation sounds very much like my situation that I had a long time ago with my now ex husband. He was going to work every day, he got on well with a woman in the office, they confided in each other, nothing physical went on (to my knowledge) ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them

Q.   Hey everyone. So ive been with my boyfriend a year now and we started talking about kids i commented how good he is with his nephews and how hed make a great dad one day to which he said he doesnt want any children. This crushed me as he knew from ...

A.   3 December 2018: Your boyfriend is very selfish and perhaps you should have moved on as soon as you knew he never wanted children. The problem is that IF you had a child by him then the consequences could be bad because he may leave you with total responsibility ... (read in full...)

I want to approach her but don't know how to talk to her

Q.   Hello , I am in my 20's male, I recently got admitted to a new college, And I met a girl who I really fell in love with, But Im scared to talk to her because I am an introvert from childhood, and I get nervous when I talk to people, and screw up my ...

A.   1 December 2018: This is what you do - you smile at her. Just a small fleeting smile as you perhaps pass in a corridor. Smile at her every time you see her, and walk on. If she's interested she will smile back. Eventually you will sort of get to know each other ... (read in full...)

I want first date to turn into relationship

Q.   I have been doing online dating for the past 4-5 years. I have made a couple of friends from it which was a bonus. I have been chatting to a guy for a few week now and are meeting this weekend. He had had really bad health over the last 3 month and ...

A.   1 December 2018: Its very hard to judge a person from online chat. I've been through all this, they seem nice online but they're not what you expected when you get to meet them. Reserve any judgments until you meet, treat it as an evening out, don't expect too ... (read in full...)

What's the optimum compromising point in a relationship? How do I balance boundaries and insecurities?

Q.   I'm doing a lot of soul searching, so I'll probably be on here a lot asking questions that to every one else sound like common sense. Please bare with me, I'm a lost person. How to i know the difference between being irrational or having m...

A.   29 November 2018: It would seem to me that you just haven't met the right person for you. If they were right then you wouldn't have all these problems. For instance, the guy who was ringing his ex is a definite no no for you, he clearly wasn't committed to you at ... (read in full...)

I tried to make new friends but apparently it isn't working. Where did I go wrong?

Q.   Im at an age where I've lost a lot of friends for various reasons over the years and trying to make more interesting new friends so I msged an aquantance with a common interest and all seemed well and positive. She said she would talk to her ...

A.   29 November 2018: If they can't be bothered to reply then just forget them and move on. If people were really interested they'd get back to you. Unfortunately not everybody is polite as you. Find other people to do things with... (read in full...)

I'm lonely and need friends but I am worried that at my age the only friends I may make now will be "messed up" people.

Q.   I am nearly 50 and I am often lonely. I'm a 'high achiever' I suppose. Very highly educated, employed, fairly healthy but very low energy and a history of depression (which I've never told anyone about, but tended to hide, fearing rejection). I ha...

A.   29 November 2018: I think you are thinking too much into this friendship thing. In my experience friendships form very slowly and usually over some common bond. You are probably best joining a group of some sort. Walking is a good way of getting to know people, ... (read in full...)

Are LDR's real relationships, even if you haven't met them yet?

Q.   Hello, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a man. He is from the US, and is 21 years old, and I am from the UK, and am 18 years old. We met online, and have been together for a couple of months now. We are still going strong...

A.   12 November 2018: This is not a real relationship. You need to meet because that is the only way you will really be able to tell how you both feel.... (read in full...)

For 3 years I have lied to my boyfriend about my surname

Q.   I have been lying to my boyfriend about my surname for this whole time (3 years) and I feel really guilty. I have introduced myself with my mother's surname. My name is quite infamous so I don't like to let people know about my family. I started ...

A.   26 July 2018: I agree with the other answers. Honesty is always the best. He needs to know and you cannot continue without telling him.... (read in full...)

My friend never has time for me anymore since she started dating. Do I walk away?

Q.   Not sure if anyone on here can help but I wanted some advice about a friendship. One of my best friends has recently become very distant and so reluctant to see me. I've been trying to arrange to see her one weekend for several months but I jus...

A.   26 July 2018: Been there, read the book ! This has happened to me many times over the years, your friend gets a boyfriend and suddenly you are redundant. In some ways its understandable that they want to be with their partner but they shouldn't really 'drop' ... (read in full...)

We have slept together on several occasions but now he says he sees us as friends?

Q.   I’d been seeing someone for about 3 months, still obviously early days but I really liked him and I made quite a big step by sleeping with him (due to bad experiences). Anyway about 2 weeks ago he got ill and has been recovering since, he’s okay but ...

A.   26 July 2018: He doesn't want commitment - like so many men. He wants to have his cake and eat it. It's best to move on before you become too involved and get hurt even more. Unfortunately there are a lot of his type around and you just have to keep searching ... (read in full...)

How can I make the pain of this go away?

Q.   I recently ended a relationship with man I was seeing for a year.When met him he told me his relationship with his kids mother was over and he was in a process of moving out.Well he never moved out and woudn't take me out on dates.He only invest to ...

A.   7 June 2018: Fill your time with doing other things like seeing your friends, starting a hobby, joining a club. You fell for the oldest trick in the book and just be glad you have got out of this relationship. Married men, and men with families, rarely leave ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend often tells me small lies, how do I get him to stop?

Q.   Been tigether 2 years and the past 6 months my boyfriend has the tendancy to change his stories often and its getting to a point where Im always get upset and angry and then we end up in a big argument. Theyre usually small pointless ones, but if he ...

A.   7 June 2018: Once a liar, always a liar. You'll never believe him no matter what he says so it's up to you whether you want to put up with it or whether you want to finish the relationship and move on. One thing's for sure - you can't change him, it's the way ... (read in full...)

Have you ever felt perplexed by a person's disinterest towards you?

Q.   To keep it short, I've been having sex with this guy for almost 2 years. I'm fine that it's not a relationship. Things have been good, but there is one thing that's been on my mind. Firstly, yes, we always talk before sex, he'll sometimes tak...

A.   7 June 2018: I have to agree with Honeypie that you're holding yourself back from somebody who really wants to be with you. I was once in a similar situation in that my partner kept me at arms length for three years. I adored him but friends used to say..' But ... (read in full...)

How can I handle the monotony and boredom of everyday life?

Q.   How can I handle the monotony and boredom of everyday life.:? Days off have no purpose, but I go to gym, I get a coffee, I see a movie.. Me alone and counting the hours til bedtime.....

A.   6 June 2018: You need to join something. You could go and do something voluntarily like work in a charity shop or, if you like animals, go along to a local animal sanctuary and offer your help. I was in a similar situation in my twenties, and again later in my ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him I want him to propose?

Q.   I have a question do I risk ruining everything and admit to my boyfriend that I want him to propose or keep my mouth shut until he’s ready to ask me himself ? Both 26 been together 11 years he’s the kindest sweetest most amazing person I have eve...

A.   6 June 2018: Another idea is - can you involve a third party in this? Have you got somebody like a parent, an aunt or a good friend who can drop it into conversation with him one day. They could say something like 'You've been together for a long time, when are ... (read in full...)

I'm not sure if the relationship is over or just going through a slump.

Q.   Been in a long distance relationship for 4 years now.. too long. In the past 4 years, we started out visiting eachother every other month, then after 2 years, visits were every 3-4 nonths. Now we visit twice a year. In the beginning of our ...

A.   5 June 2018: To be perfectly honest I think long distance relationships are a waste of time. How can you possibly ever get to know somebody when they're never there? It's definitely time to move on and find somebody you can see much more often. Time is ... (read in full...)

Is she interested? Or did she just want a little bit of fun?

Q.   Try to keep this brief! Male, 44, been single eight years (I don't want children or to be a step parent, which makes it very difficult). Have several female friends, one of whom is 47 and been single eight months and has been away studying fo...

A.   5 June 2018: She sees you as a brother, as somebody she trusts and she feels safe, happy and protected when she's with you. You are probably not the person she thinks she wants. She's looking so far onto the horizon for her 'perfect' man (and possibly realises ... (read in full...)

I know I should divorce him but I have no energy to do it!

Q.   Hi, i feel very extremely frustrated with my marriage at the moment. We had 30 years together, many of them filled with tragic events and heartbreaking moments. I did have many years of counselling and friends help. But less and less understati...

A.   22 May 2018: In your mind you are jumping straight to divorce but have you considered the other options? Have you considered living apart? Are you in a position to able to move out, or can he move out? Can you come to an agreement to live separate lives under ... (read in full...)

After I told him I’d give him space if he needed it, I haven’t heard from him! What next?

Q.   Hi, I’m in a LDR online. We do know each other in person but a few months ago reconnected. Things have been going well but recently he has been going through much stress with his business and children. Things (for him) seem to be getting worse ...

A.   22 May 2018: I'm sorry I completely misread your letter so my previous answer was totally useless - I thought you'd never met him before, I do apologise. If this man has not responded to you then I would leave him well alone. If he really wanted to contact ... (read in full...)

I've only had sex once, have a long distance g/f I'll never meet and I want experience

Q.   I am 27. I have never had a phyiscal girlfriend. I had sex once at 24. I have no friends to speak of. All I have is a long distance "girlfriend" i met a few years ago. She lives in another country, and that along with money means that we will nev...

A.   22 May 2018: Further to the reply you put on the page yesterday - I agree with the others that life isn't going to just 'happen' for you. All of us have to go out and make the effort. If you want to meet girls you won't meet them in a male dominated ... (read in full...)

After I told him I’d give him space if he needed it, I haven’t heard from him! What next?

Q.   Hi, I’m in a LDR online. We do know each other in person but a few months ago reconnected. Things have been going well but recently he has been going through much stress with his business and children. Things (for him) seem to be getting worse ...

A.   21 May 2018: What you should do is to stop wasting your time. If you have never met this man you can't possibly know whether he's telling you the truth about anything he ever says. I've been through all this myself online. If you haven't met them after two or ... (read in full...)

I've only had sex once, have a long distance g/f I'll never meet and I want experience

Q.   I am 27. I have never had a phyiscal girlfriend. I had sex once at 24. I have no friends to speak of. All I have is a long distance "girlfriend" i met a few years ago. She lives in another country, and that along with money means that we will nev...

A.   21 May 2018: You need to join some sort of club / organisation where you will meet people of your own age. Don't pin all your hopes on a girl who's far away. If you are not the sporty type are you perhaps musical and can join some sort of orchestra or similar? ... (read in full...)

We are both too shy to say hi to each other?

Q.   There's this guy that I like and I know he likes me back because he always walks past me and a bunch of other signs over afew weeks, explaining these will defeat the purpose of the question. The main question is we are both too shy to talk to each ...

A.   26 April 2018: Smile ! A smile opens up a thousand doors ! When you walk past him force yourself to look at him - he will feel you looking at him (you can always sense when somebody is looking at you) then give him a smile. It's a start and it will give him ... (read in full...)

Why did my ex give his friend my number?

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts, i broke up in July last year (2017) with my boyfriend (I’ll call him M) i loved very much because i felt he had fallen out of love with me and two weeks later, he got a new girlfriend (I know because i came back to him so we could ...

A.   26 April 2018: I found your letter a bit confusing to read with all these capital letters instead of names - however - the fact that your ex boyfriend gave your phone number away to his friend is another way of saying " She's not mine anymore, here you can have ... (read in full...)

I want out of this relationship with a married man but he is making it difficult.

Q.   In September I moved to a new area for work, shortly after I started my job i had a coworker that started flirting with me. He is really cute and sweet only problem is he is married. He like me moved to the area for work, his family is actually four ...

A.   26 April 2018: You are doing the right thing by asking to be transferred to a different project within your department. Do not encourage this man in any way. Do not weaken to his charms. Never be tempted to contact his poor innocent wife because there is no ... (read in full...)

I’m having mother-in-law and financial problems, am I doing the right things to deal with them?

Q.   Hi everyone.. i need some opinion on what happened right now. I need advice and opinon as much as possible as people has various personal opinion which i need right now. Currently 3 months pregnant and this pregnancy brings changes a lot fo...

A.   23 March 2018: Your mother-in-law seems like a very ignorant and unhappy woman. She's the one with the problem and not you. For your own sanity you need to keep reminding yourself of this because you are doing nothing wrong. All you can really do is continue to ... (read in full...)

She wants me to prove to her that I want this relationship and help her not feel so alone!

Q.   Been in a relationship for 8 years have a 10 year old step son who's dad was never really in the picture and we have a 3 year old boy together. When my youngest was born 3 years ago that's when everything changed. She said that I started to not care ...

A.   23 March 2018: Your partner seems very insecure. Perhaps she feels that your attention has turned to your 3yr old (not surprisingly) and maybe she's feeling a bit 'left out in the cold' ? I think you may have to make an effort to make a bit of time for each ... (read in full...)

How do you ease into dating for the first time?

Q.   I'm curious as to how people ease themselves into dating for the first time. Especially if you're very hesitant about it. I'm 23 (almost 24), and have never dated or been approached for a date and believe me, I know that's my own fault. I tend to...

A.   26 February 2018: You need to get out and about with your female friends, thats how most people start dating. You also need to smarten up your appearance. You can be casual and comfortable and smart all at the same time. Put on a bit of make-up, it doesn't have to ... (read in full...)

We struggle to communicate!

Q.   I have a question. I have trouble communicating with my boyfriend. We have problems and we are discussing them trying to work things out and find a solution. I tell him what the problem is ... simple example is I say he needs to work on his sle...

A.   26 February 2018: He sounds just like somebody I once knew, very bright and intelligent but just couldn't communicate. It's just the way they are and very frustrating for us. I have often wondered if it's some form of autism. I don't think there's much you can do ... (read in full...)

My trust is in shreds and I don’t know how to move forward in this relationship!

Q.   I don't know what to do about my life and my relationship and I need some help and advice. So I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. The first two years we're challenging for us, I found messages, images etc. on his phone ( I know I...

A.   26 February 2018: Your boyfriend is not making you happy and now you don't trust him. It's not an ideal life. You need to leave him because you can't live your life like this. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you so don't commit yourself ... (read in full...)

Was I too keen?

Q.   I went out with someone and I wasn't sure if it was a date or just friends. Partly this is because his whole manner is very formal and polite - although now and again he surprises me by doing things like swearing or he breaks through the politeness ...

A.   26 February 2018: I'm not quite sure why you're making such a big issue of all this. He is clearly interested in you otherwise he wouldn't contact you or arrange to meet you. There are a lot of men who don't like to rush into things and he's one of them. He's ... (read in full...)

How can I change my attitude?

Q.   Hello Aunts I want to ask on how I can change my outlook and co dependency in life. I am very insecure - although on the outside I am put together - degreed - attractive- thin- middle class pay - my insecurities eat me up. I haven’t analyzed...

A.   26 February 2018: You lack confidence in yourself and this is partially due to having being criticised by your family who compared you to others. I understand exactly how this feels. Take a good look at all the people that you know - are they really all that ... (read in full...)

I think I might have scared her away!

Q.   Hello everyone, Recently I got out of a long term relationship. It's been about 2 months and now recently got hired to a new job 16 hours away from home. So, with the break up going down, I figured I would give myself time to heal and a lot of peo...

A.   26 February 2018: If she hasn't responded to your invitation to catch up then I wouldn't pursue it any further. However, there's no harm in keeping in occasional contact because who knows what the future holds. Please don't ever think that somebody is 'out of your ... (read in full...)

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