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*alvern

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For 3 years I have lied to my boyfriend about my surname

Q.   I have been lying to my boyfriend about my surname for this whole time (3 years) and I feel really guilty. I have introduced myself with my mother's surname. My name is quite infamous so I don't like to let people know about my family. I started ...

A.   26 July 2018: I agree with the other answers. Honesty is always the best. He needs to know and you cannot continue without telling him.... (read in full...)

My friend never has time for me anymore since she started dating. Do I walk away?

Q.   Not sure if anyone on here can help but I wanted some advice about a friendship. One of my best friends has recently become very distant and so reluctant to see me. I've been trying to arrange to see her one weekend for several months but I jus...

A.   26 July 2018: Been there, read the book ! This has happened to me many times over the years, your friend gets a boyfriend and suddenly you are redundant. In some ways its understandable that they want to be with their partner but they shouldn't really 'drop' ... (read in full...)

We have slept together on several occasions but now he says he sees us as friends?

Q.   I’d been seeing someone for about 3 months, still obviously early days but I really liked him and I made quite a big step by sleeping with him (due to bad experiences). Anyway about 2 weeks ago he got ill and has been recovering since, he’s okay but ...

A.   26 July 2018: He doesn't want commitment - like so many men. He wants to have his cake and eat it. It's best to move on before you become too involved and get hurt even more. Unfortunately there are a lot of his type around and you just have to keep searching ... (read in full...)

How can I make the pain of this go away?

Q.   I recently ended a relationship with man I was seeing for a year.When met him he told me his relationship with his kids mother was over and he was in a process of moving out.Well he never moved out and woudn't take me out on dates.He only invest to ...

A.   7 June 2018: Fill your time with doing other things like seeing your friends, starting a hobby, joining a club. You fell for the oldest trick in the book and just be glad you have got out of this relationship. Married men, and men with families, rarely leave ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend often tells me small lies, how do I get him to stop?

Q.   Been tigether 2 years and the past 6 months my boyfriend has the tendancy to change his stories often and its getting to a point where Im always get upset and angry and then we end up in a big argument. Theyre usually small pointless ones, but if he ...

A.   7 June 2018: Once a liar, always a liar. You'll never believe him no matter what he says so it's up to you whether you want to put up with it or whether you want to finish the relationship and move on. One thing's for sure - you can't change him, it's the way ... (read in full...)

Have you ever felt perplexed by a person's disinterest towards you?

Q.   To keep it short, I've been having sex with this guy for almost 2 years. I'm fine that it's not a relationship. Things have been good, but there is one thing that's been on my mind. Firstly, yes, we always talk before sex, he'll sometimes tak...

A.   7 June 2018: I have to agree with Honeypie that you're holding yourself back from somebody who really wants to be with you. I was once in a similar situation in that my partner kept me at arms length for three years. I adored him but friends used to say..' But ... (read in full...)

How can I handle the monotony and boredom of everyday life?

Q.   How can I handle the monotony and boredom of everyday life.:? Days off have no purpose, but I go to gym, I get a coffee, I see a movie.. Me alone and counting the hours til bedtime.....

A.   6 June 2018: You need to join something. You could go and do something voluntarily like work in a charity shop or, if you like animals, go along to a local animal sanctuary and offer your help. I was in a similar situation in my twenties, and again later in my ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him I want him to propose?

Q.   I have a question do I risk ruining everything and admit to my boyfriend that I want him to propose or keep my mouth shut until he’s ready to ask me himself ? Both 26 been together 11 years he’s the kindest sweetest most amazing person I have eve...

A.   6 June 2018: Another idea is - can you involve a third party in this? Have you got somebody like a parent, an aunt or a good friend who can drop it into conversation with him one day. They could say something like 'You've been together for a long time, when are ... (read in full...)

I'm not sure if the relationship is over or just going through a slump.

Q.   Been in a long distance relationship for 4 years now.. too long. In the past 4 years, we started out visiting eachother every other month, then after 2 years, visits were every 3-4 nonths. Now we visit twice a year. In the beginning of our ...

A.   5 June 2018: To be perfectly honest I think long distance relationships are a waste of time. How can you possibly ever get to know somebody when they're never there? It's definitely time to move on and find somebody you can see much more often. Time is ... (read in full...)

Is she interested? Or did she just want a little bit of fun?

Q.   Try to keep this brief! Male, 44, been single eight years (I don't want children or to be a step parent, which makes it very difficult). Have several female friends, one of whom is 47 and been single eight months and has been away studying fo...

A.   5 June 2018: She sees you as a brother, as somebody she trusts and she feels safe, happy and protected when she's with you. You are probably not the person she thinks she wants. She's looking so far onto the horizon for her 'perfect' man (and possibly realises ... (read in full...)

I know I should divorce him but I have no energy to do it!

Q.   Hi, i feel very extremely frustrated with my marriage at the moment. We had 30 years together, many of them filled with tragic events and heartbreaking moments. I did have many years of counselling and friends help. But less and less understati...

A.   22 May 2018: In your mind you are jumping straight to divorce but have you considered the other options? Have you considered living apart? Are you in a position to able to move out, or can he move out? Can you come to an agreement to live separate lives under ... (read in full...)

After I told him I’d give him space if he needed it, I haven’t heard from him! What next?

Q.   Hi, I’m in a LDR online. We do know each other in person but a few months ago reconnected. Things have been going well but recently he has been going through much stress with his business and children. Things (for him) seem to be getting worse ...

A.   22 May 2018: I'm sorry I completely misread your letter so my previous answer was totally useless - I thought you'd never met him before, I do apologise. If this man has not responded to you then I would leave him well alone. If he really wanted to contact ... (read in full...)

I've only had sex once, have a long distance g/f I'll never meet and I want experience

Q.   I am 27. I have never had a phyiscal girlfriend. I had sex once at 24. I have no friends to speak of. All I have is a long distance "girlfriend" i met a few years ago. She lives in another country, and that along with money means that we will nev...

A.   22 May 2018: Further to the reply you put on the page yesterday - I agree with the others that life isn't going to just 'happen' for you. All of us have to go out and make the effort. If you want to meet girls you won't meet them in a male dominated ... (read in full...)

After I told him I’d give him space if he needed it, I haven’t heard from him! What next?

Q.   Hi, I’m in a LDR online. We do know each other in person but a few months ago reconnected. Things have been going well but recently he has been going through much stress with his business and children. Things (for him) seem to be getting worse ...

A.   21 May 2018: What you should do is to stop wasting your time. If you have never met this man you can't possibly know whether he's telling you the truth about anything he ever says. I've been through all this myself online. If you haven't met them after two or ... (read in full...)

I've only had sex once, have a long distance g/f I'll never meet and I want experience

Q.   I am 27. I have never had a phyiscal girlfriend. I had sex once at 24. I have no friends to speak of. All I have is a long distance "girlfriend" i met a few years ago. She lives in another country, and that along with money means that we will nev...

A.   21 May 2018: You need to join some sort of club / organisation where you will meet people of your own age. Don't pin all your hopes on a girl who's far away. If you are not the sporty type are you perhaps musical and can join some sort of orchestra or similar? ... (read in full...)

We are both too shy to say hi to each other?

Q.   There's this guy that I like and I know he likes me back because he always walks past me and a bunch of other signs over afew weeks, explaining these will defeat the purpose of the question. The main question is we are both too shy to talk to each ...

A.   26 April 2018: Smile ! A smile opens up a thousand doors ! When you walk past him force yourself to look at him - he will feel you looking at him (you can always sense when somebody is looking at you) then give him a smile. It's a start and it will give him ... (read in full...)

Why did my ex give his friend my number?

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts, i broke up in July last year (2017) with my boyfriend (I’ll call him M) i loved very much because i felt he had fallen out of love with me and two weeks later, he got a new girlfriend (I know because i came back to him so we could ...

A.   26 April 2018: I found your letter a bit confusing to read with all these capital letters instead of names - however - the fact that your ex boyfriend gave your phone number away to his friend is another way of saying " She's not mine anymore, here you can have ... (read in full...)

I want out of this relationship with a married man but he is making it difficult.

Q.   In September I moved to a new area for work, shortly after I started my job i had a coworker that started flirting with me. He is really cute and sweet only problem is he is married. He like me moved to the area for work, his family is actually four ...

A.   26 April 2018: You are doing the right thing by asking to be transferred to a different project within your department. Do not encourage this man in any way. Do not weaken to his charms. Never be tempted to contact his poor innocent wife because there is no ... (read in full...)

I’m having mother-in-law and financial problems, am I doing the right things to deal with them?

Q.   Hi everyone.. i need some opinion on what happened right now. I need advice and opinon as much as possible as people has various personal opinion which i need right now. Currently 3 months pregnant and this pregnancy brings changes a lot fo...

A.   23 March 2018: Your mother-in-law seems like a very ignorant and unhappy woman. She's the one with the problem and not you. For your own sanity you need to keep reminding yourself of this because you are doing nothing wrong. All you can really do is continue to ... (read in full...)

She wants me to prove to her that I want this relationship and help her not feel so alone!

Q.   Been in a relationship for 8 years have a 10 year old step son who's dad was never really in the picture and we have a 3 year old boy together. When my youngest was born 3 years ago that's when everything changed. She said that I started to not care ...

A.   23 March 2018: Your partner seems very insecure. Perhaps she feels that your attention has turned to your 3yr old (not surprisingly) and maybe she's feeling a bit 'left out in the cold' ? I think you may have to make an effort to make a bit of time for each ... (read in full...)

How do you ease into dating for the first time?

Q.   I'm curious as to how people ease themselves into dating for the first time. Especially if you're very hesitant about it. I'm 23 (almost 24), and have never dated or been approached for a date and believe me, I know that's my own fault. I tend to...

A.   26 February 2018: You need to get out and about with your female friends, thats how most people start dating. You also need to smarten up your appearance. You can be casual and comfortable and smart all at the same time. Put on a bit of make-up, it doesn't have to ... (read in full...)

We struggle to communicate!

Q.   I have a question. I have trouble communicating with my boyfriend. We have problems and we are discussing them trying to work things out and find a solution. I tell him what the problem is ... simple example is I say he needs to work on his sle...

A.   26 February 2018: He sounds just like somebody I once knew, very bright and intelligent but just couldn't communicate. It's just the way they are and very frustrating for us. I have often wondered if it's some form of autism. I don't think there's much you can do ... (read in full...)

My trust is in shreds and I don’t know how to move forward in this relationship!

Q.   I don't know what to do about my life and my relationship and I need some help and advice. So I have been with my partner for almost 5 years now. The first two years we're challenging for us, I found messages, images etc. on his phone ( I know I...

A.   26 February 2018: Your boyfriend is not making you happy and now you don't trust him. It's not an ideal life. You need to leave him because you can't live your life like this. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you so don't commit yourself ... (read in full...)

Was I too keen?

Q.   I went out with someone and I wasn't sure if it was a date or just friends. Partly this is because his whole manner is very formal and polite - although now and again he surprises me by doing things like swearing or he breaks through the politeness ...

A.   26 February 2018: I'm not quite sure why you're making such a big issue of all this. He is clearly interested in you otherwise he wouldn't contact you or arrange to meet you. There are a lot of men who don't like to rush into things and he's one of them. He's ... (read in full...)

How can I change my attitude?

Q.   Hello Aunts I want to ask on how I can change my outlook and co dependency in life. I am very insecure - although on the outside I am put together - degreed - attractive- thin- middle class pay - my insecurities eat me up. I haven’t analyzed...

A.   26 February 2018: You lack confidence in yourself and this is partially due to having being criticised by your family who compared you to others. I understand exactly how this feels. Take a good look at all the people that you know - are they really all that ... (read in full...)

I think I might have scared her away!

Q.   Hello everyone, Recently I got out of a long term relationship. It's been about 2 months and now recently got hired to a new job 16 hours away from home. So, with the break up going down, I figured I would give myself time to heal and a lot of peo...

A.   26 February 2018: If she hasn't responded to your invitation to catch up then I wouldn't pursue it any further. However, there's no harm in keeping in occasional contact because who knows what the future holds. Please don't ever think that somebody is 'out of your ... (read in full...)

I have a new date but my ex has contacted me.

Q.   Im not sure what to do , last year i started seeing someone who had mental health problems i was very flexi with him and would fit in with him to make life easier for him. id only been seeing him once a week for 2 month he would go silent on me to ...

A.   26 February 2018: Don't encourage your ex. You hardly know him and he's messed you around and you really don't want that in your life do you ? Don't reply to the email and if he keeps contacting you then put him into your junk folder or block him. Move on and ... (read in full...)

Do any girls here go to bars alone?

Q.   I have been on my own for a long time now. It has been bothering me for a while but it has only become a problem recently. I don't have particularly great coping skills and the feelings of loneliness have become overwhelming. I really need to make ...

A.   13 October 2017: You need to join some sort of social organisation and get to know other girls of your own age. From there you will then probably start drifting into a social life with them. I suggest going to some sort of dancing classes. This could be Line ... (read in full...)

My mother in law is an egoist and evil woman!

Q.   I hate my mother in law. She is an egoist and evil woman. She is a cynist and speak badly about me behind my back. She keep posing a sullen face whenever im around. She used to be nice woman several years ago. But since this recent year, she changed ...

A.   13 October 2017: Do you have a job? If not then it would be best if you went out to work everyday firstly to help your husband towards affording a house for you both, and secondly to get out of your mother-in-laws way. Having a baby at this stage in your life ... (read in full...)

My mother in law is an egoist and evil woman!

Q.   I hate my mother in law. She is an egoist and evil woman. She is a cynist and speak badly about me behind my back. She keep posing a sullen face whenever im around. She used to be nice woman several years ago. But since this recent year, she changed ...

A.   13 October 2017: Do you have a job? If not then it would be best if you went out to work everyday firstly to help your husband towards affording a house for you both, and secondly to get out of your mother-in-laws way. Having a baby at this stage in your life ... (read in full...)

Am I being too materialstic and self sabotaging?

Q.   Am I being unrealistic? I am 50 and dating a man for close to three months who claims he is retired, I came to find out he was laid off and doesn't want to go back to work. I find myself paying more often when we go out, it is a huge turn-off. I ...

A.   10 October 2017: I've been in the same situation as you at much the same age. My partner lived life on a shoestring and eventually I got fed up with it all although I absolutely adored him. I would say that you should keep this man at arms length because if his ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend flirts with his employees and it's annoying me!

Q.   I've been exclusive with this guy for the last few weeks, its going OK but I get really jealous when he flirts with his employees (he runs a v popular Indian restaurant and has a lot of really pretty Indian girls working there). He moans at me...

A.   2 October 2017: Drop him like a hot potato ! Once a flirt, always a flirt ! You will never be happy. I had a boyfriend like this when I was young and I used to get very upset. Now, 40 years later, he's still exactly the same ! I'm happy to say that my life moved ... (read in full...)

What's with his constant stares?

Q.   My husbands friend will always glance and stare at me and I know it doesn't always mean attraction or something just because someone stares but I'm just getting some kind of weird vibe.  He always looks straight into my eyes, even when we aren't t...

A.   2 October 2017: He's playing a game with you, testing you to see how you react. The best thing to do is completely ignore him. This has happened to me in the past and these men are complete jerks. The best thing to do is tell your husband its happening because ... (read in full...)

I feel so guilty about leaving my abusive ex

Q.   Hi, I previously asked for advice regarding a relationship I was in for 3 years with a guy I lived with who was controlling and violent. It went on for a number of years and last December I cheated on him with a guy who had been keen on me for a wh...

A.   1 October 2017: You can't go back to the ex, and would he have you back anyway? Nothing would be same as it was before and you would have the added problem of him throwing abuse at you for being unfaithful. Your ex obviously did not make you happy otherwise you ... (read in full...)

I feel excluded by boyfriend's decision to visit alone...

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six years--on and off--but consistently now for the past three years. I suspect that he’s a bit emotionally unavailable because of his compartmentalization tendencies and the fact that he’s told me he’s ...

A.   1 October 2017: It seems to me that it's the son-in-law who's got a problem, not your partner. Perhaps now that he has a two year old he wants a Grandma whom he regards as permanent for the child ie, married to the Grandfather, and not one who possibly may not be ... (read in full...)

What are the best ways to make new friends?

Q.   Recently people have been complaining to me that it is difficult to make friends in the city I currently live in and that most people are either superficial or out for themselves. I agree that busy people with busy lives just dont have time for new ...

A.   1 October 2017: A good way to make friends is through dancing. People can enquire at dance schools to find out if they hold group lessons for Salsa, Jive etc . There are usually loads of adverts around for dance classes anyway like Ceroc (also known as French ... (read in full...)

Cheating in a LDR. What advice can you give to me re my Gf who I think may be cheating?

Q.   This is my long distance relationship. We are dating 6 months. I met my girlfriend through my cousin. In our relationship, she is always showing to me that she is nice girl, and a faithful wife in future. She treat me very nice. About my girlf...

A.   9 May 2017: Long distance relationships are very difficult for both the man and the woman. I often wonder if they can really be called relationships at all. There has to be a very strong bond between two people to keep a relationship going when they are miles ... (read in full...)

What should I do? Four years after we broke up my ex still hangs around, tries to get my attention and stares at me whenever he sees me.

Q.   Hi I split from my ex boyfriend 4 years ago, after I had a miscarriage. Neither of us wanted to split up but after the miscarriage he ended it with me i moved on met another man and had a baby girl. Yet my ex still hangs around and stares at me an...

A.   9 May 2017: You may need some professional advice on this because I think this kind of behaviour can be termed as 'stalking'. He should not be behaving like this. It may be that you have nothing to worry about but on the other hand you don't want things to ... (read in full...)

How do I tell my strict, military, religious father that I'm pregnant?

Q.   I am a 20 year old who still lives at home. I just found out I'm pregnant with my boyfriend's child. My friend and I haven't been dating very long but I have known and been friends with him for over 6years. Because of this fact my father hasn't...

A.   9 May 2017: This is a very tricky situation for you but it's better to tell him now rather than later. The sooner he knows, the better. You can only really pluck up all your courage and pick your time with him carefully, like when he's in a good mood. You ... (read in full...)

I like him but he doesn't stimulate me. Should I try again?

Q.   Hi, I am under a lot of pressure by parents to get married, culturally, I'm old, 30. And my parents really care about whay others think. Anyways, I met a guy online. Sweet, untrustworthy guy, which is hard to find in a world full of untrustw...

A.   28 March 2017: Go with your instincts. If you don't feel right about this man then nothing is going to change. There are lots of nice pleasant people in the world but we don't necessarily have to fancy them. He clearly is not the one for you despite what your ... (read in full...)

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