New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login239214 questions, 1056874 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap
*alvern agony aunt


United Kingdom  (Female   XML/RSS

Like what she writes?
... Add *alvern to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *alvern a private message

*alvern's Ratings
1234567Next > [7 pages, 260 answers]

Do any girls here go to bars alone?

Q.   I have been on my own for a long time now. It has been bothering me for a while but it has only become a problem recently. I don't have particularly great coping skills and the feelings of loneliness have become overwhelming. I really need to make ...

A.   13 October 2017: You need to join some sort of social organisation and get to know other girls of your own age. From there you will then probably start drifting into a social life with them. I suggest going to some sort of dancing classes. This could be Line ... (read in full...)

My mother in law is an egoist and evil woman!

Q.   I hate my mother in law. She is an egoist and evil woman. She is a cynist and speak badly about me behind my back. She keep posing a sullen face whenever im around. She used to be nice woman several years ago. But since this recent year, she changed ...

A.   13 October 2017: Do you have a job? If not then it would be best if you went out to work everyday firstly to help your husband towards affording a house for you both, and secondly to get out of your mother-in-laws way. Having a baby at this stage in your life ... (read in full...)

My mother in law is an egoist and evil woman!

Q.   I hate my mother in law. She is an egoist and evil woman. She is a cynist and speak badly about me behind my back. She keep posing a sullen face whenever im around. She used to be nice woman several years ago. But since this recent year, she changed ...

A.   13 October 2017: Do you have a job? If not then it would be best if you went out to work everyday firstly to help your husband towards affording a house for you both, and secondly to get out of your mother-in-laws way. Having a baby at this stage in your life ... (read in full...)

Am I being too materialstic and self sabotaging?

Q.   Am I being unrealistic? I am 50 and dating a man for close to three months who claims he is retired, I came to find out he was laid off and doesn't want to go back to work. I find myself paying more often when we go out, it is a huge turn-off. I ...

A.   10 October 2017: I've been in the same situation as you at much the same age. My partner lived life on a shoestring and eventually I got fed up with it all although I absolutely adored him. I would say that you should keep this man at arms length because if his ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend flirts with his employees and it's annoying me!

Q.   I've been exclusive with this guy for the last few weeks, its going OK but I get really jealous when he flirts with his employees (he runs a v popular Indian restaurant and has a lot of really pretty Indian girls working there). He moans at me...

A.   2 October 2017: Drop him like a hot potato ! Once a flirt, always a flirt ! You will never be happy. I had a boyfriend like this when I was young and I used to get very upset. Now, 40 years later, he's still exactly the same ! I'm happy to say that my life moved ... (read in full...)

What's with his constant stares?

Q.   My husbands friend will always glance and stare at me and I know it doesn't always mean attraction or something just because someone stares but I'm just getting some kind of weird vibe.  He always looks straight into my eyes, even when we aren't t...

A.   2 October 2017: He's playing a game with you, testing you to see how you react. The best thing to do is completely ignore him. This has happened to me in the past and these men are complete jerks. The best thing to do is tell your husband its happening because ... (read in full...)

I feel so guilty about leaving my abusive ex

Q.   Hi, I previously asked for advice regarding a relationship I was in for 3 years with a guy I lived with who was controlling and violent. It went on for a number of years and last December I cheated on him with a guy who had been keen on me for a wh...

A.   1 October 2017: You can't go back to the ex, and would he have you back anyway? Nothing would be same as it was before and you would have the added problem of him throwing abuse at you for being unfaithful. Your ex obviously did not make you happy otherwise you ... (read in full...)

I feel excluded by boyfriend's decision to visit alone...

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six years--on and off--but consistently now for the past three years. I suspect that he’s a bit emotionally unavailable because of his compartmentalization tendencies and the fact that he’s told me he’s ...

A.   1 October 2017: It seems to me that it's the son-in-law who's got a problem, not your partner. Perhaps now that he has a two year old he wants a Grandma whom he regards as permanent for the child ie, married to the Grandfather, and not one who possibly may not be ... (read in full...)

What are the best ways to make new friends?

Q.   Recently people have been complaining to me that it is difficult to make friends in the city I currently live in and that most people are either superficial or out for themselves. I agree that busy people with busy lives just dont have time for new ...

A.   1 October 2017: A good way to make friends is through dancing. People can enquire at dance schools to find out if they hold group lessons for Salsa, Jive etc . There are usually loads of adverts around for dance classes anyway like Ceroc (also known as French ... (read in full...)

Cheating in a LDR. What advice can you give to me re my Gf who I think may be cheating?

Q.   This is my long distance relationship. We are dating 6 months. I met my girlfriend through my cousin. In our relationship, she is always showing to me that she is nice girl, and a faithful wife in future. She treat me very nice. About my girlf...

A.   9 May 2017: Long distance relationships are very difficult for both the man and the woman. I often wonder if they can really be called relationships at all. There has to be a very strong bond between two people to keep a relationship going when they are miles ... (read in full...)

What should I do? Four years after we broke up my ex still hangs around, tries to get my attention and stares at me whenever he sees me.

Q.   Hi I split from my ex boyfriend 4 years ago, after I had a miscarriage. Neither of us wanted to split up but after the miscarriage he ended it with me i moved on met another man and had a baby girl. Yet my ex still hangs around and stares at me an...

A.   9 May 2017: You may need some professional advice on this because I think this kind of behaviour can be termed as 'stalking'. He should not be behaving like this. It may be that you have nothing to worry about but on the other hand you don't want things to ... (read in full...)

How do I tell my strict, military, religious father that I'm pregnant?

Q.   I am a 20 year old who still lives at home. I just found out I'm pregnant with my boyfriend's child. My friend and I haven't been dating very long but I have known and been friends with him for over 6years. Because of this fact my father hasn't...

A.   9 May 2017: This is a very tricky situation for you but it's better to tell him now rather than later. The sooner he knows, the better. You can only really pluck up all your courage and pick your time with him carefully, like when he's in a good mood. You ... (read in full...)

I like him but he doesn't stimulate me. Should I try again?

Q.   Hi, I am under a lot of pressure by parents to get married, culturally, I'm old, 30. And my parents really care about whay others think. Anyways, I met a guy online. Sweet, untrustworthy guy, which is hard to find in a world full of untrustw...

A.   28 March 2017: Go with your instincts. If you don't feel right about this man then nothing is going to change. There are lots of nice pleasant people in the world but we don't necessarily have to fancy them. He clearly is not the one for you despite what your ... (read in full...)

I have a feeling that I'm not supposed to be happy in life

Q.   hello please help me, I feel so lost and downright now to start with I'm very stressed about college because all my other peers have graduated and I haven't yet for reasons and I keep seeing them posting about how happy they are and how they've ...

A.   27 March 2017: College is just a short time in your life. Before you know it you too will have graduated so don't keep comparing yourself to everybody else who has finished the course. Everybody else in your life is not going to suddenly leave or die. All of us ... (read in full...)

I'm caught in the middle of my mom and my dad's girlfriend and really don't know how to handle things

Q.   Hi Dear cupid helpers. I am in need of some advice on a family situation... So my dad had an affair on my mum 4 - 5 years ago (the last one of a few in the past) I mum turned to drinking, and has been drinking for the last 4 - 5 years and has...

A.   27 March 2017: You need to be on the side of your mother. She's the one who loves you, she's the one who brought you up and she's the one who will always be there for you no matter what. She will feel betrayed everytime you have contact with the woman in your ... (read in full...)

How can I believe there is a good guy out there?

Q.   I feel like I have given up on love- my whole life I'm in my early thirties now but I used to believe that there was a nice guy out there and that if ur a genuine person that will be rewarded. I'm 32 and I have completely lost faith in love - I...

A.   27 March 2017: You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince so don't give up! I know exactly how you feel though having 'been there' myself but you just have to keep going. Immerse yourself into some sort of hobby or club and try to ... (read in full...)

Group holiday planned. How can I enjoy the holiday when he will be present ?

Q.   I'm going on a group holiday next week(which has been arranged for a while) with someone who I really like and have feelings for, but who I have come to realise just enjoys flirting and does not actually have feelings for me at all. The thing is...

A.   27 March 2017: I'm not sure how you come to be going on the same holiday as this guy because it would be best not to go considering how you feel. You will just have to put yourself into the frame of mind that he is what he is - a flirt and that you have no real ... (read in full...)

How can I stop living in the past and stop worrying?

Q.   Hello everyone, how does someone stop living in the past , it seems like my life is a contact worry, I can't escape my own "prison" I always worry about what other people think of me , constant non stop, whether it's a work, at home , with friends...

A.   27 March 2017: i think a lot of us are guilty of living in the past, What if this? What if that? but none of us can turn back the clock, the past has gone and nobody can change it. Sometimes you have to think 'actually they upset me, they didn't do this or that ... (read in full...)

Do most guy friends behave this way?

Q.   So for a few weeks I've had a crush on this guy that I see periodically at a social dance event. I have known him but not well for almost a year, but have recently started getting closer to him. We started getting closer once a previous relationship ...

A.   27 March 2017: Oh yes he likes you ! He's waiting for a response from you, a bit of encouragement. You need to let him know that you are interested and it doesn't need to be verbal. Just squeeze his hand, hug him back when he hugs you or give him some other ... (read in full...)

I stayed through fear, now worried my life is over and his is just beginning again

Q.   Ok I need some help to deal with something that I know is really silly so I need some support here please . I've been with my husband and father of my children for twenty years . Over the course of our marriage he has had a problem with pirn and ...

A.   27 March 2017: How dreadful that you are putting yourself down in this way, you seem to be blaming yourself for everything when he's the one at fault. What a shallow man he is to cast you to one side while he chases off after 'beautiful' women ! Beauty actually ... (read in full...)

Is a friends with benefits relationship sustainable?

Q.   After 12 years of marriage, I lost my wife to an unexpected heart attack 9 months ago. It has been hard and I'm not sure what I want to do. I recently ran into a lady I worked with at one time while shopping and she offered her condolences. I'v...

A.   8 March 2017: It's pretty certain this lady will consider herself to be in a relationship with you even though you don't see it as a relationship yourself. It's early days for you but she's been on her own for a while and I'm sure she will be very excited about ... (read in full...)

My 22 year old daughter has sent nude photos to her boyfriend. How do I address this?

Q.   I recently discovered that my 22 year old daughter who is doing her post graduation has clicked and sent her nude pictures to her boyfriend. am concerned that its morally incorrect and also usually such pictures land up circulating. Its very...

A.   7 March 2017: Tell her you know what she's done. Don't lose your temper with her but just point out to her the possible dangers of what she's done. Take the 'Well you've really let me down, I'm very disappointed' approach. When I was young my father used to ... (read in full...)

My husband is a serial cheater. Am I fooling myself to think he will change?

Q.   I have been married to my husband for 23 years. We were young when we got married - 20 and 21. Early on in our marriage he cheated on me twice. I was not very confident back then and terrified of being alone, so I forgave and stayed. And I guess ...

A.   7 March 2017: As the saying goes, 'A Leopard never changes its spots'. It's unlikely your husband will change unfortunately. It's how much longer you are prepared to put up with this. I think there are many women in the same situation who choose to turn a ... (read in full...)

I am unbelievably shy and it's impacting on my social life!

Q.   I really need advice... I am unbelievably shy and it's impacting on my social life. I am pretty confident at work where I interact with parents and staff in my school. My friends suggested I go on dating sites as I was low about not meeting a...

A.   30 November 2016: This is clearly a 'safety in numbers' problem. You're afraid to branch out on your own. I'm sure that you are a lovely person who has a lot to offer and you need to have more confidence in yourself. When you keep putting off meeting these guys on ... (read in full...)

I just want things back to normal between us

Q.   How do you make a situation less awkward? About 3 months ago I got with a colleague and in short, he was an idiot about things and very misleading. He's clearly in the wrong and has never apologised or addressed the situation, but that's besides ...

A.   29 November 2016: Years ago when I was your age I had an awkward situation with a lad in my crowd of friends. We hadn't fallen out with each other but things got awkward. We were in the same crowd of friends which made it doubly awkward. In the end I plucked up ... (read in full...)

Is my online boyfriend hiding something?

Q.   i got this online boyfriend we never seen each other yet been in a relationship nearly 2months we always video call, phone call and chat. we exchange password before in instagram. 1st he trusted me his instagram and i get jealous to the girl he ...

A.   29 November 2016: You do not know this man, he is just somebody at the other end of a telephone. IF he really wanted to meet you he would have done so by now. He's just playing a game with you and probably with a lot of other girls as well. Please do not waste ... (read in full...)

I am his great big secret!

Q.   I have been dating a guy 16 years older than me for the last 6 months. He has been divorced twice and have 3 teenage/young adult children with his first wife and a 3 yr old daughter with the second. He divorced 18 months ago. I have 2 teenagers and ...

A.   29 November 2016: Carry on your own independent life as much as you possibly can. Don't give up on seeing friends and don't give up on anything else you do. You've only been seeing each other for six months which actually isn't a huge length of time in the grand ... (read in full...)

He says he is too old for me

Q.   Dear cupid, this I been talk to on okcupid he is very nice guy hes59 and I'm 47 we been talk over a month he ask me if move down here if I go out with him I say yes and now he's say he's to old for me but he still wants to move down here he ask me ...

A.   29 November 2016: He does not want to date you, he just wants you be nearby so he can see you when he chooses. Take my advice and find somebody else who really wants to be with you because you are wasting your time with this man. You will only end up getting upset ... (read in full...)

I'm feeling hurt after finding a photo of my Gf giving a kiss to an older guy at an outing with work colleagues. How do I get over this?

Q.   i found a picture of my girlfriend kissing an older guy at a bar. My girlfriend an i have been dating for almost 6 years now and i always let her know that i do not mind her going out to hang with co-workers or friends. She never goes anywhere so...

A.   18 September 2016: I agree with Lliftons answer. This looks like it waa a 'one off' and you never know, it could have been the glass collector who instigated the whole thing anyway. It could have even been her co-workers cheering her on, people do these things when ... (read in full...)

Some advice please on how to ensure that things do not go any further and do not lead to sex? Because I don't want that until I'm older

Q.   I am 13 years old, female and is currently in a relationship of 4 months. My boyfriend and I haven't gone any further than straddling and French kissing until yesterday. No clothes were removed but there was grinding involved. And to be complete...

A.   18 September 2016: You are far far too young for all this. It's really up to you to not get into this situation in the first place. If sex did occur it's possible your boyfriend could get legally into trouble depending on his age. I know it's difficult for you but ... (read in full...)

I'm married. Should I be trying to contact my school crush from many years ago?

Q.   Hi I'm about to reach my 30. I'm married and have a child. Living life happily with lovable wife. Recently, I got the contact of a girl who was my classmate in middle school. I had a crush on her but it was untold as my family moved out of tow...

A.   18 September 2016: Absolutely cut all contact. The past is the past and you have both moved on and things are not the same anymore. You are both much older and wiser now and you no longer have the common bond of school. Do not ruin the happy life you now have, it's ... (read in full...)

Is my fiancée (f/40) losing interest in maintaining our relationship?

Q.   Hello Would appreciate any advice on an uneasy feeling I have about my fiancée. We've been together for 4 years, very happy, a great match in almost every way. When I proposed to her in January she was ecstatic. I mean this lady couldn't have be...

A.   18 September 2016: I don't think she's gone off you. All relationships cool off a bit after the first flush and, as they say, lust turns to love. She is obviously deeply worried about her parents which I'm sure affects her relationship with you. She may be feeling ... (read in full...)

I'm alarmed at my LDR boyfriend's interest in a receptionist

Q.   I'm in a long distance relationship. We only see each other about once a month. We've been together over 3 years. My boyfriend enjoys buying old cars from auctions, fixing them up, then reselling them. He has always brought his cars to a friend's...

A.   18 September 2016: To be perfectly honest the fact that you have a long distance relationship and only see each other once a month raises a red flag in itself. What are you hoping for in the future? What are you doing the rest of the time when you don't see your ... (read in full...)

He's ten years younger. Should I wait for him to make the first move ? He did give me his number.

Q.   I've been single for over a year so now ready to date again. I noticed a guy who works at my gym but he never smiles. I noticed little things that he made me wonder if he fancied me. I would catch him staring or often feel him staring. He woul...

A.   14 September 2016: Don't worry about the age gap, it's really not an issue. Much like the other answers I would also say don't pin too much hope on all this and just continue to be friendly. If going out for a drink seems a bit too much like a date then I would say ... (read in full...)

How can I encourage my online date to be positive with himself?

Q.   I have been trying online dating and have been chatting with a nice man and we plan to meet . He seems a bit low within himself , we were chatting today about general stuff and he seems a bit depressed about his weight he told me 2 years ago he lost ...

A.   13 September 2016: I've done all this online dating thing and all I can say is this - If they haven't met you after about three emails then GIVE UP ! They are wasting your time, believe me I know ! He could be sitting in a room on his own with his wife downstairs ... (read in full...)

What should I do? Have had a workplace crush on a guy for 2 years and it's ongoing.

Q.   I have been having a huge crush on my male coworker. Sometimes I feel he drops hints and signs of liking me too. He always smiles when he sees me and always says hi. I've also always felt him staring at me from afar and across the room. He's so ...

A.   13 September 2016: Pretty much like all the other answers I'd say be careful. If he was single and free I would have thought he would have asked you out by now. He must know you fancy him, he'd be blind if he didn't. There's something holding him back and it's ... (read in full...)

We always end up together and both of us like each other but neither of us want a relationship

Q.   I have been back and forth with a girl now for close to 5 years, we've never exclusively been classed as 'boyfriend/girlfriend" but we did spend around 2 years where we only slept with each other but still didn't put a label on things. Now the d...

A.   13 September 2016: Hmmm this is a real tricky one! You appear to have a brother sister relationships, with benefits ! Or, as some people say, a 'friends plus relationship' which often occurs in much older singles couples. I think neither of you are ready for any ... (read in full...)

Is he busy or just not interested any longer?

Q.   So, I've been seeing a new guy for around one month. Since our first time meeting he's been very open to talking and texting pretty much on a daily basis and initiates much of the conversation. I've seen him about 6 times during this month. He's ...

A.   13 September 2016: I think it is quite normal for men to keep a woman at a distance at the start of a relationship, and particularly as they get older and wiser. I assume he's around the same age as you so he will have a life of his own and other commitments. If ... (read in full...)

My terrible ex has moved on but I'm unable to..

Q.   I have written here a couple of times asking for advice since I'm going through a real tough time- and would appreciate advice again - I was in a brief relationship with a man that basically was a total jerk to me. through therapy in the last three ...

A.   13 September 2016: The bottom line is that this man just isn't worth your time. I am sure that he will not be wasting his time thinking 'what if I'd done this better, what if I had said this to her instead of that' etc.. He's moved on and so should you. Count ... (read in full...)

After 15 years why now are they behaving like this?

Q.   Hello friends, Need your suggestion. I have been working in a private company from past 15 years. I have done a lot for this company. 15 years back, I joined in IT department but due to company problems I worked for them alone for almost all r...

A.   1 September 2016: It looks to me as though they've taken you for granted and not appreciated the extra favours you did for them, eventually expecting you to do these things anyway. As they say in the UK - 'Give them an inch and they'll take a yard'. You will find in ... (read in full...)

*alvern's friends

These are mutual friends, so *alvern has added them and they have added *alvern!

Abella agony auntAbella

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft