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Should I burn bridges with my new employer to move to another country?

Q.   Hi all, I was hoping for some advice. I have recently accepted a job offer after some fairly vigorous interviews. On accepting the job is was sent through a timetable stating it was actually an apprenticeship and that the first 3 weeks would...

A.   6 April 2019: If you're feeling apprehensive about any job, DONT do it. Your instincts are trying to tell you something. Write down all the pros and cons of each job and see how you feel afterwards. Id say go for the New Zealand job. I would but this is me. When ... (read in full...)

I'm unhappy in my relationship but feel stuck because we live together and share a rental contract.

Q.   So backstory: I've been in a relationship for 2 years and recently I've been thinking a lot about how he doesn't really make me happy anymore. I've spoken to a few friends about this and they have suggested breaking up which is much easier said than ...

A.   6 April 2019: Patiently wait until your lease ends and have other accomodation lined up as well so you have somewhere to go to. Your r/ship is dead in the water but you are finding happiness gradually e.g a new love interest. You will move out eventually but it's ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend lost his business and has stopped talking to me and his friends.

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for over 10 months now, re just recently had to close down his business and is unemployed now. About 3 weeks ago he stopped talking to me, I thought I got mad at me so I leave him alone, 3 days in I texted him agai...

A.   6 April 2019: He is going through a tough time and coping as best as he can. Granted he's blowing people off and keeping to himself which isnt helpful but...that's his way of coping so leave him be. He will come out of this dark period eventually but give him ... (read in full...)

I have a crush on my boss - How do I get over it, and fast?

Q.   Hi there - thank you for reading... So I am a Personal Assistant (Secretary in some countries) and I have a really good working relationship with my boss. My issue is that I have started dreaming about him and have started to develop a bit of...

A.   6 April 2019: You seem sensible about this r/ship i.e the pros and cons to it. Carry on remaining restrained and professional. In time your crush on him will fade but being around him alot at work makes it harder but you will get there.... (read in full...)

Should I trust her on birth control?

Q.   I'm 32 years old, dating my 22 old girlfriend for 3 months and days ago we had sex without condom and it was amazing, I almost forgot how good it feels lol, last time I had unprotected sex was with my ex wife who I divorced three years ago. Since ...

A.   27 April 2018: If you dont want kids, you'll have to use protection especially condoms. Accidents happen even if you don't want kids. Trusting someone to keep an eye on their birth control is never a good idea. Take control yourself by using condoms. Preventation ... (read in full...)

I feel I'm being left out because of the colour of my skin

Q.   Hi I’m a black female currently enrolled for my master’s at a very prestigious university in NYC. We are only 3 black people out of 120 in my class. I’m having quite a hard time making friends. I mean, everyone is kind and cordial but that’s a...

A.   24 February 2018: I'm a mixed race female and did my Bachelor of Science degree at a multiracial UK university. I made just 1 friend throughout my course. It wasn't a race issue I'm certain of. By nature I'm a friendly, outgoing person and never struggle making ... (read in full...)

My step daughter is making my life hell!

Q.   My step daughter is making my life hell. I'm a nurse on a trauma unit and I work nights. My job is stressful enough without coming home to a battle every day. My husband is far from perfect but his main flaw is his unwillingness to discipline his ...

A.   16 September 2017: There is so much good advice shared here already but thought I'd add my 2 pence worth. This whole situation is concerning. Not only is your stepdaughter behaving like a psycho but her dad is standing by and doing nothing! Shame on them both!!! ... (read in full...)

How can I repair the damage done to our friendship?

Q.   Hello folks. Just looking for advice. About 2-3months ago I meet a younger guy. I'm 33 he's 24. We met at work. I was between jobs and looking to earn while I looked for something else so found a part time job where I met, I'll call him Tom. I wo...

A.   15 September 2017: Thanks guys! Very helpful advice. Yes, it was stupid to let Mary tell Tom. I'd never planned on telling him because it wouldn't end well and because I was not 100% in it. Mary says he confronted her today,a week after she told him. He wanted to know ... (read in full...)

How much detail should I put in my online dating profile?

Q.   I have cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair but am a bit unsteady on my feet at times. I have got a dating profile on Match, should I include my disability on there?...

A.   24 February 2017: They say for security don't put too much info. However if you have a disability, by all means mention it. But don't say too much. What I mean by this is that it can come across as too much info too soon. Say something honest and positive like "I ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and the residual odor of cigarettes is drifting into my apartment from the apartment below. How can I get rid of the odour?

Q.   I am 6 months pregnant and iv literally tried everything for the cigarette odor that has been drifting in my room from the apartment beneath me to disappear. I talked with the neighbors below me, but they didn't seem like they would change. And si...

A.   23 February 2017: As a former smoker I feel guilty that I once upon a time, put other people through what you're going through. Being pregnant is of concern. You can't live in these conditions when you're expecting. Then again second hand smoke etc is bad whether ... (read in full...)

My volunteer group organizer keeps flirting with me, but I'm not interested. How do I turn him down nicely but stay part of the group?

Q.   I am in a very awkward situation at the moment. I am part of a voluntary organisation that I enjoy very much, being a part of, however, I feel that one of the organizers of the group has taken a particular interest in me, he is the main organize...

A.   12 September 2016: He can't seem to take a hint. This happens sometimes. You'll either have to be firm with him and tell him no or you could spare his feelings and make up a boyfriend or say you're considering getting back with your ex. Tell white lies. Anyone would ... (read in full...)

Want to treat him to something special. But what? I'm a struggling student and he wouldn't want extravagance

Q.   Hey, right I met my bf online and we have been together 2 and a half years. We have a nine year age gap but it does not bother me as he is simply amazing. We live 2 hours and a bit away from each other however I have moved back to uni so we're ...

A.   12 September 2016: As its autumn now, you can't really do much outdoor stuff unless we have good warm weather. Id suggest an indoor evening picnic. Make some of his favourite foods, light candles, open a bottle of wine and lay out a blanket. Talk, there is nothing ... (read in full...)

How can I stop feeling inferior when my crush picked another woman?

Q.   I am confident and know I have plenty to offer a man. However, this guy picked another woman over me and I can't help but to feel inferior to her anyway. My ego is a bit crushed. I saw a picture on IG of them together. I feel like shit and keep won...

A.   27 July 2016: When it comes to relationships, we don't always end up with the person we like. Why? Many things go into making a relationship e.g compatability. We won't always be suited to the people we like and that's OK. But that doesn't mean NO ONE will be ... (read in full...)

Should I pursue things further with him?

Q.   I have been interested in guy who works the next building from mine.He's always friendly and was giving off subtle signs of interest. I finally gave him my number and told him to call/text sometime.He said sure.Then I ran into him the next day and ...

A.   1 July 2016: Don't confess anything, he's had his chance. You gave him your number and he didn't phone. He also didn't ask for it again after claiming his phone broke etc that is a negative sign. I've learnt that guys like to chase girls. Doesn't matter w... (read in full...)

Another guy has spoilt our friendship

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work and I'm concerned that she isn't into me anymore like she used to be. We used to talk, have a laugh and things seem to have changed. A man who I'm not friends with anymore and who I'm not keen on is now friends ...

A.   1 July 2016: This guy is no serious competition for you. For one he has a partner. If this girl likes him and pursues anything with him...then she'll get burnt. Also would you want to be with someone who is happy to be another guy's bit on the side? What would ... (read in full...)

Help! What can I say? I'm a gay female being set up at work ! I'm scared and unsure what to do.

Q.   Im a single GAY female over 40 and today at work as I walked in tea room I overheard her talking to another manager about setting me up with a 26 yr old asian guy who used to work with us and who likes me! And how I am " over 40" The other mana...

A.   21 June 2016: They have NO RIGHT setting you up with anyone gay or not! How dare they! You don't have to discuss your sexuality with anyone if you don't want to. It's no one's business! Also the mention of your age can be seen as ageism which is a form of dis... (read in full...)

Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going on a "men's day out"? no women allowed.

Q.   Am I right to be upset about my boyfriend going out for the day with his male friends?. He is going out for the day with his male friends this afternoon. He said no women are allowed. He said they go on a day out together every year. He also to...

A.   21 June 2016: Him going out with his friends is no big deal. As long as he balances his 'boys time' with quality time with you then its all good. But your update post bothered me. He sounds inconsiderate or selfish. Telling you he is hungover then meeting up with ... (read in full...)

Can a friend forget about you while they are away?

Q.   I have a friend who is abroad at the moment, she hasn't spoken to me for three to four weeks. I've not heard from her by social media and I'm beginning to lose patience. She's helping abroad and providing water to disadvantaged people and trying t...

A.   21 June 2016: Sounds like your friend is working rather than holidaying abroad. No, friends don't ever forget each other or about each other. But we all have lives, jobs, romantic relationships etc so these take up much of our time. Friendship as adults means ... (read in full...)

Why is my friend telling me lies, when there is no need to do so?

Q.   My question is , me and my ex grew apart and decided to be friends this has been a few month and we both moved on. He told me he plans on staying single i said yeah yeah and he replied saying its so much easier to stay single , i will admit he...

A.   16 June 2016: OP even my own male friends, whom I've never dated so have no history with, don't always tell me about their love lives. It doesnt bother me as I'm friends with them and our friendships are strong. If they need me they know where I am. A male fr... (read in full...)

Why is my friend telling me lies, when there is no need to do so?

Q.   My question is , me and my ex grew apart and decided to be friends this has been a few month and we both moved on. He told me he plans on staying single i said yeah yeah and he replied saying its so much easier to stay single , i will admit he...

A.   16 June 2016: I doubt he's lying to be nasty. You did have a romantic relationship once but sadly once you have sex with someone, fall in love with them etc what friendship may have been there before or you would like to have now, will not exist. That's why whe... (read in full...)

Am I being paranoid or is my husband a cheater?

Q.   I have been married for over 25 years, but am currently separated from my husband due to various issues. One of the issues is suspected cheating, which my husband denies. I just wanted to hear other peoples perspective on this, as my husbands...

A.   16 June 2016: For you and your husband to be separated, things must not be great between you. Is he cheating or done so in the past? None of us can say for sure. He may or may not have. My advice is this, if there is a chance you can work on your marriage th... (read in full...)

Should pull her aside and ask her to refrain from further comments on my body or my weight?

Q.   Last year I lost the weight that I gained in winter time. One of my co worker congratulated me and said I look great and not to lose anymore. However, now almost every time I see her she always makes a reference to my weight and tells me that I'm ...

A.   25 May 2016: I had a similar problem with a gay male friend who used to skinny shame me. That's what he was doing. I was accused of having an eating disorder even though I had never done or said anything that would make anyone think I did. I'm a healthy weight, ... (read in full...)

I need the morals, security and companionship of religion without the dogma

Q.   Hi there, I am hoping that someone out there can give me advice on the following, I am a 50 year old male. I have had a pretty dodgy past. From about the age of 20 I started to dabble with drugs, on hindsight I am shocked by how quickly I went fro...

A.   25 May 2016: Oh! Also in terms of being unemployable, if you wanted to be a drugs mentor or speaker for example, you'd need some qualifications. There are colleges as well as the open university, where you can do the right courses to help you. Funding is free to ... (read in full...)

How can I deal with complex emotions and the feelings I have that my life will spiral out of control if I break up with her? Sexually she no longer appeals

Q.   My question has so many angles I realy dont know how to sum it up. There are so many parts that need more explaining but I simply cant fit them all in. I will try to summarise. I am a 47 year old male. I come from a broken familly. I have bee...

A.   19 May 2016: That's why we're here, to help. Come back any time if u need us. This is a site where genuine, caring people give advice x... (read in full...)

How can I deal with complex emotions and the feelings I have that my life will spiral out of control if I break up with her? Sexually she no longer appeals

Q.   My question has so many angles I realy dont know how to sum it up. There are so many parts that need more explaining but I simply cant fit them all in. I will try to summarise. I am a 47 year old male. I come from a broken familly. I have bee...

A.   18 May 2016: Im happy life's improved so much for you. But in my opinion while its great to have people love and support us in whatever way, its important to learn to stand on our own 2 feet. You're old enough to be able to survive on your own. Sure, life was a ... (read in full...)

I'm at a loss how to handle this unfair and uncomfortable accusation!

Q.   I've had a really bizarre situation and would like some advice and on how I can handle the situation from now. Yesterday there was a knock on my door my boyfriend answered and it was the police He came upstairs and told me they said there has been...

A.   14 May 2016: Of course you're mortified by what happened. I'm sorry it did to you but such are the times we live in with paedophiles. The police have to deal with accusations like that seriously. Which they did but as an innocent person it had to have been ... (read in full...)

Did I miss the red flags on our first dates?

Q.   I was wondering if I had missed this red flag? On a first date with a guy he mentioned his ex. He went a little into detail saying he had a 16 year old son and that he had to take his ex to court to get access to him. This I believe was some yea...

A.   14 May 2016: 1st dates are like job interviews. On an interview when you talk about your last employer always say some thing good even if you last employer was awful. You don't want to put off a potential employer. They'd be worried you'll slag them off too if ... (read in full...)

Why won’t he help me around the house?

Q.   Hi everyone I am just trying to make sense of things. My boyfriend (together for 4 years) lost his job and came to live with me while looking for another. I paid all the bills including his child's (not my child) school for 6 months. He got another ...

A.   6 May 2016: Relationships are about 2 people and it seems like you've done more than your fair share in this relationship. Such is the world we live in nowadays when job losses happen often, we struggle with finances etc That's life! And your partner needs to ... (read in full...)

Why don’t I have the desire to be a mother?

Q.   All my friends either have a baby or are pregnant. As much as I love and adore my best friends baby I just don't seem to have the urge to have my own. My boyfriend would love to have a child and I know without a doubt he would be an excellent dad. I ...

A.   5 May 2016: I'm 33 and don't feel the urge to have kids either. I like kids but have never felt broody. Some women I know are excited for motherhood and can't wait to have kids. But there are a lot of women out there who aren't so keen. Some women are matern... (read in full...)

Our manager has threatened to fire us if we don't close our Facebook group

Q.   Okay, so where i work we all have a facebook ‘group chat’ in this group chat there is over 50 of us in this group so basically nearly everyone from work. We use this chat on facebook to organise nights out i work in a casino and the casino is a 24hr ...

A.   19 April 2016: Facebook and employers has become a love hate relationship. What you do online (as long as its legal) is your business. Also as long as you're not insulting the company then so what? And as long as you're not going onto facebook i.e this group, ... (read in full...)

She can’t have a simple argument, she blows everything out of proportion! I’m in a pickle!

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a woman for the last three years. Throughout that time we in the main have been really really happy. We don't live together but have spent a lot of time with each other. When we do occasionally have the odd ...

A.   7 April 2016: Communication is important in any relationship! Also we all deal with conflict differently. Be it with our friends and family or lovers. I'm a talker and like to make clear to anyone I'm angry with how I'm feeling and how they've upset me. I ... (read in full...)

My friend is blanking me. I've asked if I've offended her. What can I do?

Q.   This isn't a question about a romantic relationship, but instead about a friendship. I have a friend who moved away a few hundred miles from me last year, but we keep in touch by email almost every day and phone now and then. All of a sudden...

A.   7 April 2016: I know how annoying and upsetting it is when anyone especially a friend blanks you. Worse if you see they've read msg's you've sent. This has happened to me too with different people, some were friends & others acquaintances. But its annoying and ... (read in full...)

Facing sibling rivalry and family disinterest in my wedding. Should I delete them from my life?

Q.   Its not that I'm an attention seeker I'm the opposite but I'm starting to feel a damper on my wedding and its affecting me a lot lately. Had I known my family would not care about the wedding I would have eloped if i know how much it affects ...

A.   22 March 2016: Are your family always like this? I ask because my relationship with my family has never been great. In fact there had never been any sort of healthy r.ships between me and them. Right from the day I was born until now, I've always been the black ... (read in full...)

I’m troubled by my boyfriend’s sexual past! Please help.

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid community, I've been dating a wonderful guy for about 9 months. But for nearly 6 months, I've been struggling to get over his sexual past. We briefly discussed our sexual pasts in the beginning of the relationship and I mentioned that ...

A.   9 March 2016: Everyone has a sexual past. Some people enjoy sex and have many partners, others are simply promiscuous. This applies to both men and women. But he did these things before he met you. Sounds like you have very strong morals and good for you! But ... (read in full...)

Could this be called psychological abuse?

Q.   Hello. Advice would be really welcome here. In a long distance relationship of over a year. Good times and bad. Currently we had a heated discussion last week which we did not share a view on, and he did what he has done before and totally ignor...

A.   9 March 2016: Psychological abuse includes many things and ignoring is one of them. But this situation sounds like someone being impossible and not being able to communicate properly if at all. Psychological abuse wouldn't apply unless a lot of other things w... (read in full...)

I’m with the wrong sister! I need advice!

Q.   Hello!My name is Cameron and I'm 20.I desperately need some help because I have no idea how to deal with the situation that I'm in right now. My ex gf Natasha(25) and I dated for nearly a year.Prior to getting together we were really good frie...

A.   9 March 2016: This is a disaster! You slept with her sister and in any circumstance this is wrong! Thankfully you're not with your g.f now as this would cause a lot of friction in the family. Call this a lesson learnt and move on. Yes, you're heartbro... (read in full...)

I am interested in a friend of the family's daughter who is 10 years younger than me. Should I not go there?

Q.   Please don't be upset with me as I know how it looks and seems but I'm really confused. I'm a 31 year old male (Jan.) and I've been single since the summer of last year. Just recently during the holidays I have been spending a lot of time with my ...

A.   7 March 2016: Firstly it's legal for you to so technically you can date each other. However will the family be happy about it? If you split up will you still be friends with everyone like before? Therein lies a potential problem. However if the fami... (read in full...)

I used a fake name on the website because I had been stalked in the past, now my b/f wants to end things!

Q.   I met an older man about 14 years older then me on an online dating site. I went by my username since I met him, however I started a physical relationship with him 7 months ago. I just recently told him my real name because I started falling in love ...

A.   7 March 2016: I don't think your usename was the issue. I online date myself and its suggested for safety&privacy to use fake names. A lot of people use fake names until their comfortable giving their real name. So its unlikely this was the problem. Onlin... (read in full...)

My husband says that I take advantage of him because I'm a stay at home mom!

Q.   husband says i take advantage of him. i hurts my feelings. everyday he gets mad and tells me that.. im a stay at home mom of 3 ages 5 to 10.. i try to make everyone happy. but husband is not happy. he tells me he loves me then uts me down. i dont ...

A.   2 March 2016: I always maintain that if I get married and have kids, if money allows me to, I'll be happy to stay at home and raise the kids until maybe they start school. Depends on how my husband feels too. But after that I'd like to go back to work. In s... (read in full...)

Older men are my weakness. Should I be worried?

Q.   Why am I attracted to older men? I have have dated men my own age but I feel nothing. I have had two serious relationships one with my ex' who was 38 and I was 20 and I was head over heels for him. Then 1 year later I met my Daughter's father who...

A.   26 February 2016: Like you do I like to date older men. It wasn't always like that though. Guys my own age even in my 20's didn't seem interested in me nor was I that interested in them. But the ones I did date, dumped me and basically treated me like dirt. But for ... (read in full...)

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