A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is nearly 40. He makes comments all the time if we are out and see an oriental woman with a man he immediately says "oh look it's bought your wife". He even said that my friend who was 27 and going out with a 42 year old was going out with an "old perv" because of the age difference. If there's a program on TV and someone is having an affair he comments that once the trust is gone the relationship is over, but it only ever seems to be if the woman is cheating. All of this just makes what's happened more difficult. He left his phone at home last week when he went to work. I couldn't pass the opportunity to have a look. He's been caught before texting a married woman offering her support behind mine and her husbands back. So, I found a message saying "pick me up from xxxxxxx Road,no taxi,x". I typed the number in to the interenet and it came up as beloning to an oriental call girl place. Obviously I confronted him. He said I was "so far off the mark" and that a friend had asked him to pick her up and drop her back as a favour. He said if there was anything to hide he would've deleted the text, but I don't think I was ever supposed to find out. This girl was young (20s). I cannot understand why when he's made so many of those comments? So now why he would do this? And I can't trust anything he says. Every time I look at him I feel sick. My heart is broken I've been so good to him and loyal for 5 years.I just would have thought that if he was that disgusted, as he makes out, he wouldhave told his friend he was busy or something to get out of it. I keep thinking he's done this more than once and has prob even had sex.
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affair, married woman, prostitute, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): I don't know how call girls work if they use a house or go to a hotel,if it is a hotel then your husband will have paid out alot of money.If it was just for sex he would have paid too.Can you check his bank statements or credit card bills for any of this ? Also old phone records. You can find a history of usage on the networks site if you log in/register using his number.
This will give you a clearer picture of what has been going on.Your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong somewhere.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 Here's the key phrase of your submittal: "...And I can't trust anything he says..."
So???? .... why not just dump him and get on with your life??.... probably with a guy who you CAN trust...
P.S. Don't forget that - if this creep is patronizing escorts/prostitutes - he's putting himself (hence, you) at high risk for STDs!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (26 October 2012):
I know its easy enough for us to say as we're not in your position but I would end this relationship before this emotionally vapid man can cause you any more or any further emotional damage
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 October 2012):
 I hope you don't have to think more than a minute to make your mind up to leave this nasty racist cheating liar.
What an appalling embarassing man with such ugly attitudes.
And if he is seeing prostitutes then he potentially puts you at risk too of STDs. I know that prostitutes are medically checked regularly. But they are not checked after every client. What if the prostitutes previous client brought his STD to the brothel and then your racist guy saw her 30 minutes later? Bingo! He brings it home and you get the STD. At which point this liar of a man would probably accuse you of cheating.
My stomach would turn at the thought of spending a minute with this hypocrite
His racist attitudes, I thought, were what people said in another era. It is horrible to think such throw-backs to the past still exist.
You know you can find a much nicer man than this. And once you do then you can enjoy the pleasure of being out in public with a new man who does not continually embarass and appall you in public and in private.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 October 2012):
 I'd like to add another person to YOUWISH's list...an english one:
Jimmy Savile..Long time fund raiser, lifetime batchelor who worked on childrens programs, swore blind he did not even like children and stated that he would never own a computer for fear of being under suspicion as a single man that he had involvement with children...
Now stands postumously accused of abusing close to 300 child victims throughout his 60 year career.
I bet your guy is incredulous and pompous at your claims...I say smokescreen too. He had the number on his phone and evidence of a text message from that number...he will swear the grass is blue and the sky green to wriggle out of the facts...but the truth is that the very thing he proclaims he hates, is the very thing he is into.
It is disgusting, on the racist remarks alone you should have dumped him...this new evidence should seal the deal.
If you accept the lies, you may as well lay down on the floor with 'WELCOME' written on your body.
If you think you cannot move on from a five years commitment...think again. You will choose someone much better next time.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 October 2012):
 Yeah, I'd say he used a prostitute/escort alright.
You're from the United Kingdom, right? You may not have heard the names I'm about to tell you, so I'll give a short summary:
1. Eliot Spitzer - Former Governor of New York state. One of his main platforms was to stop prostitution rings. Turned out that he had to resign because it came out that he was "Client Number 9" as a john in a prostitution ring.
2. Ted Haggard - Megachurch pastor who was an outspoken proponant of gay rights. Openly and repeatedly condemned homosexuality as a sin that would send you to hell. Went so far as to politically back a law that would ban gay marriage in Colorado. Long story short, it came out that he was paying a homosexual prostitute for sex and methamphetamine. Turned out there were other gay encounters too.
I could name many more with the same issue as your boyfriend. It's a smokescreen. He made those comments about being so against something and so racist to throw you and anyone else off his trail. It's very intentional and methodical. How could you question a guy who seemed so against both cheating and Asian girls?
You need to dump him. He is a cheater, a liar, and a hypocrite. He tried to throw you off, and you caught him.
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