A
female
age
51-59,
*piderwinch
writes:hi i got myself into a tissy and i my conscious is getting the best of me. sometime ago i connected with a woman on a dating site. i didnt tell her i was bi and not divorced and occassionally sleeping with my husband and my man boss. she thinks ive been away from my husband for years and just into women. i like her a lot and shes head over heels for me. shes is a good woman with a good head on her ahoulders and true as they come and killer gorgeous. she would be the perfect mate anyone. ive led her on. i dont want to hurt her. i want to love to her but i dont want to be with her because she's too good to be true and shes sensitive. how do i let her down but keep her in my life. i cant help but to have anger toward her for wanting to talk to me a lot. its like i get annoyed because shes wanting to know details about me. i want her but i dont want her. why cant she just go with my flow. i think shes wanting answers to why im dragging her along. i want to let her alone but i cant but when she gives me a lot of attention and shows an interest in me.i say and do things to hurt her. i dont want her to be with anyone. please help me on how to get her to chill out. i should have been upfront with her. it pisses me off that she put me in this guilt situation to feel bad about messing her around. she has a right to be angry and mad with me.at times. i deserve her mean remarks and i changed her . i feel like ive made her into a harder person by toying with her head and heart. i cant help but kind of hate her for telling me how awful i am. i wonder if she realizes how it hurts me when she calls me on how i treat her like crap. she should woman up and walk away even if i keep dragging her along. she is a weak woman who thinks with her heart and not her head. what is wrong with her? how can i let her see her broken heart is all her fault and not mine because shes naive and to trusting?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): OP you still don't get it... forget it... don't even come back to view the replies...
if it helps you to be more confident and guilt-free by telling everyone that you are educated and you are going to be a psychologist, then do it. but it won't make a big difference even if you husband knew that you are sleeping around. the point is you are wrong for lying, and you need to suffer any consequences or bad feelings that you are having now, and you are just plainly selfish and unreasonable. accept that you are not a good person. sooner or later in life you will be facing a lot more problems on your own.
good luck...
A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 I wonder and want to know, what it is that you know about you, that none of the rest know, that makes you believe that she would turn away from you if you did not demand or controlled that she stayed? What is it about you that’s so awful that you want to make her stay? (i dont want her to be with anyone.)
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Lady, you ever read the vows you took on your wedding day?
I just wondered where it said in them
'Thou shall be free to have sex with whomever thou choosest with the agreement of thine beloved in the vain and shallow hope that thine marriage not endest in divorce'
'Thou shall be free to lie and decieve in the name of doing whatever the fuck thou wants in order to satiate ones own lust'
'Thou shall become a fully qualified medical psychologist whilst attending a community college, even when thou cannot spell adequately or put fourth a credible argument for ones bullshit'
You are delusional.
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A
female
reader, spiderwinch +, writes (4 December 2012):
spiderwinch is verified as being by the original poster of the question For the record I’m educated.I got my ged plus next season I’m starting community college to be psychologist just because i work in a shipping department doesn’t mean I’m stupid.i could be a Manager at my job but i don’t want no hassles. Besides that my education has nothing to do with what the woman’s putting me thru. And another thing my husband knows I see other people. He started letting me do it a long time ago so why should I stop now when he let me do since we had our daughter over 20 years ago. Sure we about to separate and I would left a long time ago if it wasn’t for my two kids. So there you go I’m not having it all. It’s a free world and none of y'all seem to get it. I just finished talking to my lady friend. I’m taking her out for brunch Sunday with another woman I want to see. She knows this. Other woman’s coming bit she don’t know the other woman has feelings for me. I think it will be good for her to experience me courting another woman in front of her. It will toughen her up and respect me, for a change. Y’all need to follow my lead especially if y’all have kids. Kids these days need parents who are with reality. I really hope y’all be objective and open your minds to see that you all apparently are not that way because if it was the divorce rate would drop a lot. And by the way relook at the answers; they are the narcissistic mean ones. Who’s bashing me for being kind? Ignorance is karma.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): I think a lot of people are getting passionate in their responses to you for two reasons: 1. On a purely human level, to be dishonest with someone and then blame them for a lie that YOU fabricated is just wrong. Take responsibility for your own actions. In this situation they were wrong and that you need to apologise for. Pushing blame back to this lady is just quite frankly cowardly. 2. I can only really speak for myself on this one but suspect it may be true of others is the reason I am on here is I have had relationship difficulties on the past and what to share the little I've learned about it in the process. To know that you have deceived this lady in making her believe you and know what it feels like to be deceived I feel honestly quite mad. You probably don't appreciate what you go through when that happens. Your self-esteem is shattered. You start doubting all your relationships and lie awake way night wondering how this person you put so much trust in just isn't that person at all The one redeeming thing is that this gorgeous, good lady that YOU have done this to will get over it in time and go on to find someone who will give her the relationship she deserves. As for you, if you don't change I think you will probably end up with a lot of regrets later in life. Always remember that's karmas a bitch Hope you do what's right
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): May I quote you? "thats the problem with the world people like yall who blame everyone else but themselves for their feelings and emotions. [sic]". Isn't that exactly what you do? You blame her for your feelings of guild. How dare she likes you? Nothing is your fault. So going back to your quote, you ate part of the "problem with the world". Oh and grow up, go back to school and get a life.
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female
reader, yy80 +, writes (2 December 2012):
Also, I forgot to mention, you are the one who is weak, and thinks with her heart, not her head... geez
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female
reader, yy80 +, writes (2 December 2012):
OP, yes you are right in saying "everybody has the option to stay or go and if something makes you feel bad go. dont yall get it?"
WE ALL GET IT!!!
But the problem is, YOU ON PURPOSELY created an ILLUSION for this person to believe, in other words, IF you were honest with her in the first place, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have chosen to start a relationship with you, so she doesn't deserves all these heartbreaks now!!! IF she KNEW you were still sleeping with your husband and boss and still CHOSE to start a relationship with you, it would be a different story, but you lied, and she believed in your fabricated story! She deserves to know the truth.
IF you can't tell her the truth because of your guilt, then leave her alone!
IF you really think she's so weak, and she has a problem, why are you still with her???? Why are you with a "stupid" woman ?? You are angry with her now because you want to push the responsibility to her so you don't have to make that decision of leaving her!!! You want her to finish the mess herself!!!
YOU WANT her attention YET you don't want her questions!! Yes you are right, she can choose to leave you if she is unhappy, but it is only right if you can woman up and tell her everything, the truth of who you are, THEN she has the right to judge whether this is something she wants to keep !
Ask yourself, although I am pretty sure about this, whether you can let this woman go, to see her with other people... if you don't want this to happen, chances are you are keeping her on purpose, by NOT telling her the truth, but you are blaming her for staying and wanting to know the truth...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2012): I LOVED YOU ONCE
I loved you once: perhaps that love has yet
To die down thoroughly within my soul;
But let it not dismay you any longer;
I have no wish to cause you any sorrow.
I loved you wordlessly, without a hope,
By shyness tortured, or by jealousy.
I loved you with such tenderness and candor
And pray God grants you to be loved that way again
Aleksander Pushkin
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 December 2012):
 You want this woman all to yourself - you want her available to you, at your discretion. Because she is gorgeous. So does that suggest she is a trophy to you? Yet you also want to get her to back off a little, so you want to let her down, but keep her in your life.That's a tall order. You don't want her to grow and reach her full potential.Instead you want her to stay as sweet as she was at first, to not grow, and meet your needs when it suits you.What is she supposed to do the rest of the time? Sit in the corner twiddling her thumbs together. That is unreasonable. You attitude reminds me of those aging multi millionaires who want a naive 18 year old to never finish her studies, laugh at all his repeated jokes and continue to find him scintillating. But remove herself from the room when she is told to leave.you do not mention her age. I am truly sorry that this woman had to grow up very quickly and realize that not all is as it seems.She may well have had her heart broken by you.I don't think this gorgeous woman is weak.Some people erroneously think that being unkind, even cruel and ruthless is strong. And that showing empathy and consideration for others is weak.Not true.Being selfish is not strong - it is instead pathetic and unfarsighted.You will have to show your strength and maybe learn some compassion and empathy REALLY FAST.If you don't have enough compassion and empathy then speak to their gorgeous woman with a professional present who will ensure that the power balance is balanced when you deliver the TRUTH with and APOLOGY.Truthfully tell her that you think she is gorgeous. That you let that cloud your judgement. That you took advantage of her. That you LIED to her. That you led her to believe you care about her.That you really liked how she was. But then you grew alarmed when she started to wake up to your tactics and your duplicity.Tell her she is entitled to call you out for your lack of compassion and empathy.That you did not use your head nor your heart - that instead you were driven by your LUST for her.That she deserves to be loved and appreciated for her unique and positive qualities.That she is entitled to grow and develop into a good strong loving woman and find a faithful partner.If you want to make it really REAL then be strong enough to have your boss and yoru husband present when you deliver the truth to your husband and your man boss.You may well be annoyed with her that she has woken up to the truth about you.You certainly may be feeling angry about the reactions of others to your truths.You regard yourself as a strong woman. A strong woman is not afraid of the truth.A strong woman is assertive and genuine and honest. She does not need to hide behind lies.Reveal your real true self to her infront of your husband and your man boss. Then tell me how strong you feel. Then tell me who it is who needs the counselling?What has happened in your past that you think it is so important that you have this triple life? What are you achieving by having three part-time lovers - your husband, your man boss and this gorgeous woman who you want to keep on hold on the back burner. That's not reasonable. This gorgeous woman deserves the truth.
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reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 December 2012):
Your rant is like a rabid dog trying to bite it's helper.
It's apparent you are uneducated and perhaps not developed enough to make an informed caring judgement about your 'situation' I accept there are people such as yourself in the world, but what you are doing to that other woman is WRONG, just know it is WRONG.
Instead of attacking everyone here, why don't you try to accept the message that is being delivered to you, that what you are doing is WRONG.
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female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (2 December 2012):
 Yes, compassionate caring people, who know right from wrong, are what's causing ALL the worlds problems.....REALLY?????YOU are the one who liedYOU are the one who manipulated her into trusting youOh no, but it couldn't be your fault - You're just the a poor innocent victim of this "stupid" woman who had the audacity to love and trust you. The nerve of her for thinking you were worth the effort. I guess you proved her wrong, huh?You enjoyed every bit of destroying her, and now you can't handle the guilty feeling, so you're trying to find a way to make it her fault. Sorry, it's still yours!Everyone is responsible for their actions, including YOU - But you don't think your own actions should ever have any consequences. You wouldn't know accountability if it jumped up and bit you in the bum.
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reader, spiderwinch +, writes (2 December 2012):
spiderwinch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyall need couseling
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female
reader, spiderwinch +, writes (2 December 2012):
spiderwinch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim not a mean selfish narcassistic person. i pity people who think like yall and anybody that yall deal with because yall are self absorbed and dont know what.accountability is. thats the problem with the world people like yall who blame everyone else but themselves for their feelings and emotions. everybody has the option to stay or go and if something makes you feel bad go. dont yall get it? wake up and smell the coffee. shes stupid and foolish like yall making the world a bad place.
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female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (1 December 2012):
You have a narcissistic qualities and I believe you need help.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (1 December 2012):
 Hi
At least this woman has a heart which is more than you have.
I would take a loooong hard look at yourself and your life because otherwise in 10-15years you will be alone with nobody wanting you.Thats what happens to people who want their cake and eat it, to those who think they are right and everyone else is wrong.
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (1 December 2012):
 So let me understand she was sensitive naive fool you turned hard now. You dont like plus you want to keep her weak sensitive harden self lol. She suppose to continue in this sadist maschism game you play. Find somebody that likes pain that flows with you. She not with it. So why stop her life love and know telling whatever else you mañipulated go on with your flow cut your cord she has cut hers and she speaks up for herself how wouldnt ssssshhhhh dont tell nobody she dont give a darn anymore or that shes not naive sensitive sssshhhh she harden keep it secrect. Lol really
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): I agree with Aunty Em wholeheartedly I couldn't put it better myself. The world would be a much better place if people like this beautiful woman were in it and less people who play vile games like you have played with her emotions.
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reader, yy80 +, writes (1 December 2012):
If the woman wasn't "too naive or trusting", she wouldn't have even fallen for you OP. You are one self-centered, miserable liar, and I am pretty sure you will end up very miserable living in your own dream world if you continue to be so inconsiderate to people around you especially in relationships. Look at you, you sleep around with your husband and not only that, your boss, and now another woman you are deceiving. I wonder if your husband or boss even know what is going on with you?? What is your problem?! I don't really want to mention about your age range but I think you should have more than enough experience on relationships to realize you are WRONG! And yes you are very responsible for everything this woman is feeling because you created an illusion for her to believe! YOU created this OP.
And by reading your problem, I realized you are extremely contradicting and I think you don't entirely enjoy this situation (you being with a woman, your husband, your boss, and god knows who else) yet are stuck here because you have emotional/mental issues with your own self image...
OP you said you want her in your life but you don't want her, that is completely selfish, self-centered, and just unfair, you want anyone to be there for you anytime YOU want, if they become "annoying" you want them to disappear because you are already done satisfying your own sexual/emotional needs by seeking attention from different people in your life WHEN you need help. OP you said you don't want to let her go, well of course!!! it feels so nice to be given attention, yet you take all the "goodies" from this woman, yet you don't accept her when she just "doesn't go with your flow"!???!? Come on, how old are you?! And when you get bored, you go back to them... so people cannot entirely get rid of you, do you know how torturing this could be!? How could you be so cruel?? Basically you just want the best of both worlds without wanting to make ANY sacrifice for anyone or any relationship. The world doesn't work that way. You are the one who needs to "woman up" and be responsible for everything in life.
You are also extremely possessive, you mentioned "I don't want her to be with anyone" but you are sleeping around with TWO men, yet you leaving her alone when she completely trusts you and sleep around... how would you feel if you were in her position!? You are full of problems, I'm sorry OP, I think you need to grow up and be considerate... like AuntyEm said... you have no empathy !!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): very well said Auntyem and Immortalprincess! OP you lied to someone and blamed her for loving you too much or being too weak?! seriously!?? she deserves to know the truth!!!!!! i hope she doesnt catch any STD from your sleeping around! how selfish you are doing this to someone that loves and cares about you so much, and yet you play her like a mouse in a trap... you are extremely selfish and i can bet one million dollars that people like you actually would get VERY offended when others treat you like how you treat her... and I don't think you don't mind about things like that... and why would you do something like that to others???You don't feel one bit of remorse or guilty when she confronted you and you even had the guts to say you HATE her for asking you questions about who you really are... and you act like a teenager who's just recently fallen in love w/o understanding the world around you... who is so self-centered and obsessed with what YOU want by manipulating or lying to others wow... just WOW....
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): I cannot agree with the first reply to this question more. Is sad to see someone who so obviously knows that they are hurting someone and blames that person for their own behavior. I hope this woman you deceived finds true love Yet most of all i hope you find the reason your morals are so screwed up and fix them for your own sake, your on a path of self destruction and taking people down with you. the reason she can't go with your "flow" is because you don't have one, you expect her to be let down but still be in your life, but that is unlikely to happen. you don't even realize what a treasure you have found, you just threw her love in the dirt and spit on it.If someone did this to me i would never forgive them.
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female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (1 December 2012):
What's wrong with you? You're bragging about taking advantage of someone's trust. You're wearing it like a badge of honor.
This isn't a good thing you've done, it's a mean and spiteful thing. You did it deliberately, and therefore IT is your fault her heart is broken. You didn't have to mislead her, you could have been honest with her from the start - But you saw that she liked you, and was willing to trust you, so you decided to make a game out of it and have a little fun at her expense.
You're right, she should have run as far away from you as she could get.....but she didn't - And you didn't have the character to do the right thing.
One day, you'll let your guard down and be the "gullible" one, and then you'll be treated in the exact same manor you treated her - Because what goes around ALWAYS comes back around.
I'm starting to wonder whether or not this is even a legitimate question because the majority of people who get off on playing these types of games, like to keep it on the down-low. They don't openly brag about it because once the word gets out, it lowers their ability to manipulate.
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reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 December 2012):
I don't feel one bit sorry for telling you that from what you have written it is evident that you are a selfish, lying, untrustworthy individual who has no problem deceiving people, manipulating them to get what you want with the inability to accept responsibility. You are also a bully for blaming this woman when she fell for your lies and accusing her of being weak because she won't walk away when it is impossible to escape from you because you are so demanding of attention.
You are not happy with having sex with two men and blaming it on your sexuality for torturing her emotionally because she is asking questions.
Do you not see how vile and disgusting your behaviour is?
I understand that we live in a free world where people can go from one bed to another with no thought for others feelings but when you draw people in on a bed of lies and expect them to comply without question it amplifies your true nature as that of a manipulative sexual deviant.
There is no point telling you to let this woman go or to tell her the truth because you are thoroughly enjoying playing with her life (like some vile game)making her feel so inadequate and low. I think you will only be satisfied when you have completely destroyed her and then you will most likely move on to another victim.
You are everything that is wrong with with the world.
No moral compass, no self control, no empathy for other human beings, no shame, no responsibility.
Vile.
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