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*hrodingerscat

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What practical things can I do to improve myself and start a relationship?

Q.   Hello all, I'm a university student who desires a relationship but has never succeeded. I realised in the last few years that I was behaving a typical "nice guy" (in the bad way). I have improved my confidence and being myself, spending more ti...

A.   28 May 2014: Female friends can help a lot. I strongly suggest talking to some women that you can forge platonic friendships with. Also, spend more time in places where there are a lot of women, so you can un-obtrusively observe them (don't stare or be creepy ... (read in full...)

How to deal with previous sexual partners?

Q.   Hey guys, I'm really stuck, I may be young but I am sure of this relationship I am in, there's literally one issue. The girl has had 6 sexual partners before me, and whilst there's worse things and worse numbers, I really really can't get ...

A.   2 January 2014: http://www.iub.edu/~kinsey/resources/FAQ.html#number http://www.datehookup.com/content-sexual-averages-what-is-normal.htm http://www.te... (read in full...)

How to deal with previous sexual partners?

Q.   Hey guys, I'm really stuck, I may be young but I am sure of this relationship I am in, there's literally one issue. The girl has had 6 sexual partners before me, and whilst there's worse things and worse numbers, I really really can't get ...

A.   1 January 2014: “Asking women to respect themselves in order to ‘earn’ the right to be treated like a human being is total horseshit. But suggesting that you have the right to treat her exactly as you please because she didn’t adhere to your archaic views of ... (read in full...)

My husband's sexual fetish frightens me

Q.   Recently me and my husband had a romantic night in together, the night went well, it was on the day after Boxing Day. We had a lovely dinner and a romantic day in; the dinner was candlelit and my husband cooked it, not me! We were discussing each ...

A.   31 December 2013: As an openly kinky person, I'm going to try and use my experience to help you. What it sounds like he's describing is a term that kinky people call "Subspace". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subspace_%28BDSM%29 Generally speaking, with an exp... (read in full...)

I have strong feelings for a colleague who is straight! Where do I go from here?

Q.   I'm a girl who likes girls. I work in a conservative environment, but I have very strong feelings for a female colleague who is very straight and it's been more than half a year already. I've tried to give up as there's not much I can do, but every ...

A.   31 December 2013: Turn this around. What if a guy that worked with you REALLY liked you, and wanted to be with you even though he knew you were a lesbian? What would you want him to do? How would you want him to act? Take your ques from what you'd want h... (read in full...)

I have never climaxed during intercourse and it might ruin this relationship

Q.   I haven't used Dear Cupid for a while - I guess I only come here when I need advice the most; when I've thought so hard about relationship issues but can't seem to come to any decision or conclusion. I need help; I just need some truthful answers. ...

A.   31 December 2013: Most women cannot reach orgasm from vaginal penetration because it does not stimulate the clitoris, which is located externally. If you have ever masturbated to orgasm via clitoral stimulation before, then you CAN orgasm. Most women just use thei... (read in full...)

How to deal with previous sexual partners?

Q.   Hey guys, I'm really stuck, I may be young but I am sure of this relationship I am in, there's literally one issue. The girl has had 6 sexual partners before me, and whilst there's worse things and worse numbers, I really really can't get ...

A.   31 December 2013: I'm curious as to whether or not you'd be happy for a male friend of yours if he told you he's had sex with 6 women. If you'd be happy for him, what you're doing to her is hypocritical. It's nearly 2014. Women should be able to have the same se... (read in full...)

Came home unexpectedly and found husband in strange situation. Is he gay?

Q.   Dear everyone, Hi I have been married to my husband since May 11th 2013. We havebeen together for almost 8 years. He has never shown any signs of being bi sexual or gay. Well the other morning he didn't expect me home for awhile but my daughter...

A.   20 November 2013: There is definitely something shady going on. Hire a Private Investigator.... (read in full...)

Do men truly still value virginity or do they see it as something to run away from?

Q.   Do men truly still value virginity or do they see it as something to run away from? I'm going to be 21 soon and haven't even been kissed. My best guy friend who's a man whore tells me virginity sucks and romance is dead. He said he'd sleep with me ...

A.   27 October 2013: Laci Green from Sex Plus on youtube said it best. She has several videos about virginity: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdYtYveJI1Y http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA Also...there is one more video you need to see, it talks about t... (read in full...)

Gay and ginger, is there any hope?

Q.   Hi all, I would be very grateful for any advice so here it goes. Im a 22 year old guy and I have just accepted that I am gay and I'm not out to anyone. I'm also very unfortunate to have Ginger hair too. I have been a quiet and shy guy all my life ...

A.   27 October 2013: Move to America. We LOVE redheads here! It's considered a beauty trait in the States, instead of a flaw, like in the UK.... (read in full...)

Question to American Women and Men!

Q.   I have some American friends and I have a question to American women and men. My male friends there tell me that women there love money only and all the men are afraid to have a relationship because they want to get marriaged fast and use the men´...

A.   27 October 2013: You have the wrong friends. Your "friend" obviously has a very backwards and misogynistic view of women in general, and has absolutely no idea how to socialize and be friendly with women at all. Today's modern American woman can be fiercely i... (read in full...)

How do I tell him I'm ready for him to enter "through the front door?"

Q.   Hi, So I'm ready to have vaginal sex with my boyfriend. We've done oral and anal. Before him, I had only done oral so he was my first for the backdoor. I'm ready for him to enter through the front too haha The problem is that I'm not sure how...

A.   27 October 2013: If you can't talk about sex, you aren't mature enough emotionally to be having sex. Especially since good and safe sex means that you ARE comfortable enough to talk about it.... (read in full...)

Is giving in to one's neurosis satisfying?

Q.   I have had a fantasy of being completely dominated in a bedroom by an attractive woman. In my case, completely means bondage, strap on, lack of power, discomfort, but not necessarily aggression or pain. I've always been curious but never had gu...

A.   13 October 2013: Being sexually submissive is not a neurosis. It is telling that you think this, though. Why do you believe this is socially unacceptable? Yes, we do live in a Patriarchal culture that tells men that if they are submissive they are "like women"... (read in full...)

Is it safe to go to a music festival alone?

Q.   Would you go to a music festival alone? I moved to a new city a few months ago, and haven't made any close friends yet. Since moving here, I have missed out on a few events that I've really wanted to go to, but have ended up just staying home ...

A.   28 September 2013: I'm assuming that you personally don't need to be told this, so I'm saying this for the benefit of the readers. When going out for an event like this, make sure at least 2 people know where you're going, who you'll be with, and what you're wear... (read in full...)

What's the difference between "real sex" and soft, vanilla-porn?

Q.   I have yet to be in a relationship or, as pathetic as it is to admit, have sex (mostly because - and it's not a low self-esteem thing - I'm unattractive; women aren't interested in me, never have and it seems like never will; I get it, and I'm okay ...

A.   28 September 2013: The main difference between porn and real sex is the fact that in most porn, the clitoris is totally ignored, or a cursory, camera-friendly flick or two with a tongue or fingers might be given. In real sex, direct and sustained external stimula... (read in full...)

Afraid of coming across as "too available"

Q.   I would like help from everyone, but am searching more for that guy perspective: I've met this awesome guy, and I think we clicked from the moment we introduced ourselves to each other. I really like hanging out with him, but I worry that if I ...

A.   27 September 2013: Here's what always worked for me: Never spend more than 12 hours a week together. That makes 4 3-hour dates a week, or however else you want to arrange that. That gives you plenty of time with him to do fun stuff but it doesn't suffocate him. I... (read in full...)

I don't feel comfortable meeting my boyfriend's family because I'm bisexual

Q.   I have always known I was bisexual since my early teens, and I have had two relationship with women. My parent's and I fell out due to this, so I haven't spoken to them in five year's. I'm currently seeing a really nice guy who I'm falling ...

A.   9 September 2013: There's no rule that says you HAVE to tell them your sexuality. It's none of their business. Most people will assume that you're straight because you're with a man now. Let them.... (read in full...)

I don't know how to become more masculine!

Q.   I'm struggling with my masculinity. I don't feel like I will ever be a "real man". First of I'm short(5'3"/163cm). I've gotten over being unattractive due to my height but I'm struggling with not being considered a man. I don't have an aggressive ...

A.   6 September 2013: Since you didn't put your country in your identity history, I have no way of knowing if you're Western or not, but I'm going to assume you are. In today's western world, the ultra-masculine "bro" culture that is enforced on men is absolutely disgu... (read in full...)

Why is my height so unattractive?

Q.   I have been rejected by hundreds of girls offline and thousands of girls online and have lost heart and all sense of my 'physical' self-esteem. It is very difficult to remain confident after that. My track record keeps me from trying now as I have ...

A.   4 September 2013: For the record, it's not your height but your misogynistic attitude towards women that's your issue with finding a partner. Maybe if you actually LIKED women you might land one? BTW: I'm taller than my husband.... (read in full...)

He finds me boring but wont do anything!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 2years and we live together. We will be completely happy and then he will out of the blue comment that he finds my company boring and that its an issue, but if I suggest doing things he doesn't want to. What do I ...

A.   4 September 2013: Find a better boyfriend?... (read in full...)

How much will it cost per month to have a girlfriend? Outings,gas, gifts, clothes? I need to factor the cost into my budget

Q.   How much does a girlfriend cost per month? Do not bother replying if you say "priceless" or "too much" as those sayings are far too old and a scapegoat. Women, don't bother replying with bs that you are free, and don't tell me that you always pay ...

A.   1 September 2013: It depends on what kind of girl you date, where you live, how independent she is and a million other factors. You do end up spending more money when you are dating, but you act as if you expect that you're going to be paying for EVERYTHI... (read in full...)

My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?

Q.   I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...

A.   17 August 2013: You started coming here November of 2012. Every thread you've started has been the same thing. Here's the deal. I am going to encourage the other Aunts and Uncles to not reply to you any more. If you have, over the last year, not learned anything... (read in full...)

Cougar needs advice - does he like me?

Q.   Hi everyone. I am a 32 year old mother of 2 children. But I am stuck in a loveless marriage with an uncaring husband. However I have recently fallen for another man who is intelligent, has many of the same qualities as me, and ohh so gorgeous ...

A.   15 August 2013: So let me get this straight. You purposefully and nonconsesually exposed your breast to him, and when he was uncomfortable, you pressured him to stand there so you could get your sexual thrills from it? Let me turn this around on you. What if a m... (read in full...)

He stares at my lips while speaking. Does this mean anything?

Q.   So there is an older man.. about 10 years older, I am 21... He is my superior at work. He's really smart and I find myself really attracted to him. Every time he is explaining something to me he looks at my lips while he speaks. And when he is t...

A.   12 August 2013: No one's going to be able to read his mind. We're merely human. Why don't you ask him yourself?... (read in full...)

Male friend not getting the fact that I'm now in a relationship

Q.   As of only a month, I've been in a relationship with a guy who I've been good friends with for 5 years. Just now we are taking it to the next level and if we keep going at this rate, things might turn out very well. However, I have another mal...

A.   10 August 2013: Here's the deal. You've been really nice and spared his fee-fees for the sake of your friendship. But this guy has it in his head that he won't rest until he's gotten laid--by you no less--and has PURPOSEFULLY ignored your polite requests for him ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is so social and constantly posting about places/things we do. I don't care for it!

Q.   Dear All, My boyfriend and I have been together just over two years. I’m a more private person, whereas he’s fond of social networks, which I understand, but I asked him when we’d only been together a few months not to ‘check in’ places when we’r...

A.   10 August 2013: You should compromise. Half the time, let him post his photos and things. Half the time, he should cease out of respect to you. That way, you both get what you want. It's the adult thing to do.... (read in full...)

My wife doesn't want to tell me that I am not her best lover. Why does she lie?

Q.   I met my wife when she was 40 (now she is 46). She told me that, among almost 30 previous sex partners, I am her best lover. I can not believe her. My penis is only 5 inches and normal thickness. I am not bad in bed, but I know I am not the best. ...

A.   10 August 2013: Top notch sleuthing from Trisha there. Look, she's already said it once but I'll say it again. Retroactive Jealousy has been linked with OCD by medical professionals. Please go see a therapist. You really have a serious issue that no amount o... (read in full...)

Bisexual boyfriend?

Q.   Hi, I've been dating this wonderful man for the past 2 years. We are almost official, getting married in 2 years. Just when I thought everything was perfect, I stumbled upon his char conversations that was saved in his mail. He had been chatting...

A.   8 August 2013: I utterly resent the implication that WiseOwl made that bisexual people are incapable of monogamous long-term relationships. That's just another symptom of bisexual people being outcast and hated by the straight AND gay communities. Let me tell ... (read in full...)

I cant accept the fact that my boyfriend lost his virginity to some other girl

Q.   I'm 24 years old and I have been with my boyfriend just over a year and he is my first boyfriend. It wasn't because i was raised in a very conservative family. I just couldn't find a guy that likes me back and I also like. I have rejected couple of ...

A.   8 August 2013: You're suffering from what's popularly called "Retroactive Jealousy". This link may help explain what you're going through and also important--how your partner feels about your retroactive jealousy and how this negatively impacts his life. ... (read in full...)

Curious to hear from women who have been with men who felt inadequate

Q.   Curious to know if any women have had relationships with men obsessed with being inadequate (esp too small) in bed and what the outcome was--relationship ended because of it, satisfactory resolution achieved and how, etc. Thanks!...

A.   8 August 2013: Since most women can only orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation, and since the clitoris in no way can be better pleased by a larger penis since the clitoris is not located in the vagina, your worries about penis size are completely unnecessary ... (read in full...)

I suck at riding my man. Can someone explain the motion to me?

Q.   Every time I try to have sex in the woman on top position it feels awkward. I feel like I'm not moving properly and it doesn't feel good for my boyfriend. I tried to watch porn videos and read about it to learn how to move but it's not helpful. ...

A.   29 July 2013: Have you ever seen the dance called Twerking? It's a dance where you specifically only move your butt up and down. Youtube it. Practice it. Then when you can do it comfortably, try it while having sex. That's the "proper" motion.... (read in full...)

How can I get talking to this guy I like or perhaps even ask him out?

Q.   I have been trying to get healthier and since I am not dating and am retired I devote more time to myself. I don't go to the gym or anything but I have been a little upset because I have gained a little weight. Anyway, I went to a health food store ...

A.   28 July 2013: You might try being straight up with him. Tell him that you're shy and feel kind of nervous talking to him, but you're wondering if he's single and if so, would he like to go grab some lunch with you? Remember, you can't get what you want unless y... (read in full...)

After losing my virginity to an escort I am left wondering if sex is overrated

Q.   Hi all, I just wanted to confess that I had just lost my virginity to an escort. She came to my place and had arranged a 1 hour session. To my surprise, I didn't couldn't stay fully erect all the time. I thought I would finish very quickly beca...

A.   28 July 2013: For some people, sex can be very mechanical and underwhelming when they're not involved with the person they're sleeping with. I personally cannot have enjoyable sex without at least -caring about- the person I'm sleeping with. Sex with no feelings ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to have a crush on my 20-year-old karate sensei?

Q.   I'm 15 and I go to a karate club in my town 2 days a week with a Sensei who is now,quite literally my best friend. I am the sort of person who doesnt really have friends apart from a few and I trust people a lot once I get to know them. Anyway...

A.   28 July 2013: It's okay to have a crush on him, but you have to understand that you cannot expect him to act on your feelings for him. He cannot return them, and he cannot be in a relationship with you. Not only would it be HIGHLY unprofessional, ... (read in full...)

Does chronic depression affect a man's erection and sex drive?

Q.   Could my sexual dysfunction caused by low grade , chronic, depression? I have a very damaged sexual function, and my life is deeply effected by it. My wife is thinking about living me, because she feels,Im not attracted to her anymore, and she is ...

A.   24 July 2013: In short, yes, it absolutely can. Since you've already ruled out everything else that could be affecting your libido and ability to achieve an erection, I can only advise you to make time for your wife at least once or twice a month to do intimate... (read in full...)

Why didn't he give me his number?

Q.   Hi. Just wondering if anyone has any idea why he didn't ask for my number. In a quite busy night life area, I was with a friend and gave this very cute guy signals of interest. He came over and we chatted for about 10 minutes. As I enjoyed both h...

A.   24 July 2013: You could easily turn this around and say, why didn't YOU give him YOUR number. Or- Why didn't YOU ask? You're just as much to blame for your disconnection as he is. Next time you meet a guy that you like, be more forward. If you can't, d... (read in full...)

Are girls okay with a guy experimenting a lot with his looks?

Q.   I moved to Ireland 4 months back to be with my wife . I'm 33, she is 30. I'm still holding Pakistani nationality and soon will be Ireland citizen thanks to my wife. I always like experimenting with my look: One month I will have French Cut beard and ...

A.   24 July 2013: You should be asking your wife if she's okay with it, instead of wondering what other women think. Your wife's opinion is a LOT more important than ours.... (read in full...)

I don't know how to feel about what my friend said about me. How would you feel?

Q.   I feel really sad and confused right now. My friend of so many years whom we both had feelings for once..said something rather hurtful when I was speaking to him yesterday. He said he can't deal with me and that we haven't got a long for the past ...

A.   22 July 2013: "I would rather have him besotted with me than no one at all? Lol I'm not desperate and I don't need someone to like me you know." I hope you understand those two sentences contradict each other. If you don't "need someone to like you", then... (read in full...)

I've never been able to achieve orgasm through penetration.

Q.   Hi, I need some helpful advice please??! Here's the low down... I've been sexually active for 12 years now and have never had an orgasm via penetrative sex. Oral and hands I'm fine with... I can reach clitoral orgasms just fine ( thank...

A.   21 July 2013: When babies are in utero, their bodies start out as, for all intents and purposes, female. When sex hormones start to affect the baby's body, if the baby is male, the clitoris turns into a penis. That is why most men need direct penile st... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has a bad temper, what should I do

Q.   I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 26. We live together and most of the time we get along very well. However, my boyfriend is extremely touchy and if I say the "wrong" thing to him he gets very angry very fast. For example: Today my boyfriend and I ...

A.   21 July 2013: Usually I'd make a lot of effort to write out a longer reply and put some really heartfelt advice into every word. But this'll be short. He's a prick. He uses anger as a weapon to control you, and to get the reactions out of you that he wants. H... (read in full...)

I don't know how to feel about what my friend said about me. How would you feel?

Q.   I feel really sad and confused right now. My friend of so many years whom we both had feelings for once..said something rather hurtful when I was speaking to him yesterday. He said he can't deal with me and that we haven't got a long for the past ...

A.   18 July 2013: No, I don't think you should be friends with him. The relationship is toxic and unhealthy. Why bother? There are plenty of people out there that will be your REAL friend instead of trying to wait out your lack of sexual attraction to them in the ... (read in full...)

I don't know how to feel about what my friend said about me. How would you feel?

Q.   I feel really sad and confused right now. My friend of so many years whom we both had feelings for once..said something rather hurtful when I was speaking to him yesterday. He said he can't deal with me and that we haven't got a long for the past ...

A.   17 July 2013: http://jezebel.com/5838994/a-field-guide-to-nice-guys?tag=dudes This guy is definitely the Predatory Bestie: "The Predatory Bestie He offers to listen to you cry and cry about your ex. So you let him. He offers to help you move a heavy dres... (read in full...)

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