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*unty Susie

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Do I wait until after his birthday to break up?

Q.   I am kind of on the young side. I have been dating this guy for 2 and a half months and just seemed to have lost interest in him and am starting to have feelings for another guy. I want to break up with my current boyfriend but still be friends. How ...

A.   24 March 2019: Two and a half months isn't a very long time to have been dating, so I wouldn't wait. If it's over for you now, now is the time to end it. There isn't any easy way or time to end a relationship, so don't delay. Speak from the heart, be honest and ... (read in full...)

How do I get the feelings I had for my dead ex into my new relationship?

Q.   I'm in distress thinking about an ex who passed away many years ago I'm in a relationship at the moment I do love him but it feels in a different way to cut a long story short although they wernt always happy between my ex and me I see are memories ...

A.   23 March 2019: You need to stop comparing this relationship with the other. It will never be the same. You are not the same person. Stop thinking of the past and live in the moment. You wouldn't want to be compared to a previous partner, so respect your current ... (read in full...)

Do I have cold feet or am I overthinking? I feel marriage is a huge responsibility that I want but I'm not ready for

Q.   My fiance and I have been together for two and a half years, and engaged just two months. We've always had a great relationship. I was so touched when he said yes and soaked up all the engagement bliss during the first month. During the sec...

A.   30 January 2019: I'm not convinced that you're ready for marriage. If you haven't set a date yet - don't. There isn't any burning need to rush the wedding, is there? You say you've been living together as a couple for two years, and yet you still haven't combined ... (read in full...)

Do I have cold feet or am I overthinking? I feel marriage is a huge responsibility that I want but I'm not ready for

Q.   My fiance and I have been together for two and a half years, and engaged just two months. We've always had a great relationship. I was so touched when he said yes and soaked up all the engagement bliss during the first month. During the sec...

A.   30 January 2019: I'm not convinced that you're ready for marriage. If you haven't set a date yet - don't. There isn't any burning need to rush the wedding, is there? You say you've been living together as a couple for two years, and yet you still haven't combined ... (read in full...)

My daughter just found out that I am her biological father not the man she grew up calling dad. Do I contact her?

Q.   My question is thirty years ago I was very much in love with my youth sweetheart,but she she got married but we never stopped seeing each other, she had to children, we didn't know if her daughter was her husband or mine but we split up for the ...

A.   28 January 2019: I agree with Honeypie, and recommend leaving it up to her to come to you. Take care xx ... (read in full...)

My crush at work knows I like her. She has a boyfriend. What do I do now?

Q.   Hello. I have a coworker I happened to like her. I met her at work and became a friend but I have started having a feeling for her just 2 months now since last December. So I just told her yesterday how I feel and she was surprised but it went well. ...

A.   28 January 2019: I don't think you are even in the friend-zone anymore. Once you declared you true feelings, you stepped out of the friend-zone. It sounds to me as though she has made herself pretty clear. So you are now firmly in the work- colleague-zone. So be ... (read in full...)

I'm unhappy with the relationship want to end it but partner acts like nothing is wrong

Q.   Hi guys. Im in deseperate need of advice because im literally at my wits end. My bf is 8 yrs younger than me. We have a 3 yr old together and i have a tennager daughter from a previous relationship. We had a whirlwind romance and i ended up pregnant ...

A.   28 January 2019: He obviously isn't listening and hearing you. You ask what should you do - you already know what you have to do. You and your children deserve better than this. So do whatever it takes. Either he goes or you do. It is what it is, regardless of how ... (read in full...)

I haven't seen my girlfriend in 3 months

Q.   We haven’t seen eachother in 3 months. She’s busy redoing her second year of nursing. Anyway, last week she booked our flights to Spain in January, which is something I’m really excited about, but I just miss her so, so much. I feel fine mos...

A.   2 December 2018: This is a great place to get things off your chest. Your girlfriend is probably feeling the same as you are. Your could send her love letters (I suppose text messages/messenger), so the excitement will build for her between now and January. This ... (read in full...)

After making him my facebook friend he held my wrist.

Q.   I just made a new friend via Facebook on Sunday. I sent him a quick text and he read it but replied the next day being Monday morning. The same day (Monday) I saw him as I was walking in the evening. It was dark but he recognized me. He ...

A.   27 October 2018: I think possibly it was just his way of letting you know that he recognised you. As always, be careful, you don't really know him yet. If you do agree to meet up, go for a date, whatever, make your safety the number one priority and let a friend ... (read in full...)

Husband hasn't kissed me for years and I now want to kiss other men!

Q.   I have been with my husband 10 years, married for 3. We are still very happy in our relationship and everything apart from this one issue is normal. We still have sex as of normal too, in fact the past month or so it's been every day so I can't ...

A.   26 September 2018: Sometimes you just have to let go of things. He's never showed an interest in kissing, you can't expect that to change. I feel sad for you and your husband if you feel this is a deal breaker, and that you would consider kissing another man. Look at ... (read in full...)

Is he too immature? Should I give up?

Q.   Hi everyone! I went on a couple dates with this guy, we met online. I'm a few years older than him, he just graduated from college. Both dates were really fun and great and ended with us kissing for a long time. He said he really liked me and wanted ...

A.   26 September 2018: I've moved on from him already just reading your post. I think you should too! Take care xx... (read in full...)

Am I in the wrong for talking to his mate?

Q.   In February I was talking to this guy and he was newly single at the time. I knew his ex but she wasn’t a friend I just knew of her. And because we live in such a small town we kept it a secret because everyone knows everyone so literally not one ...

A.   26 September 2018: You've not done anything wrong. Just be discreet and respectful - as you have done in your previous relationship. Maybe stay out of the group chat for a while. Take care xx... (read in full...)

How do I learn to filter my comments?

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm a 26 year old guy. Started a new job few months back and am in a good place right now. I'm meeting a lot of people with whom I need to co-ordinate to get my job done on a daily basis. The problem is however that I get too friendly...

A.   26 September 2018: Learn to count before speaking. This will give your brain the time required to assess the situation and say what's most appropriate. Count down from five, your enthusiasm will have simmered enough, and you won't be nearly as spontaneous. Hopefully ... (read in full...)

He keeps using dating apps!

Q.   I keep catching my fella using dating apps. First he denies it and calls me paranoid, then he says it is me who goes on them and that is why i am so suspicious, then he admits it and says it is just for a laugh and has not any intention of meeting ...

A.   6 September 2018: How can you love someone who is constantly lying to you, and is on the lookout for your replacement? There isn't any love or respect in this relationship. You'll never receive love and respect if you don't believe you deserve it. And I don't think ... (read in full...)

His family hired lazy useless employees and I need to know how to cope!

Q.   My partner and I have always had a wonderful relationship. We've been together a very long time. This year, he and his family opened a business. His parents made the decisions about the staff they're hiring and what they're paying, without ...

A.   6 September 2018: You've said your piece. Not much more you can do I'm afraid. As frustrating as it is, like aunt honesty said, you don't really get a say in the family run business. Best you can do is support your partner when he needs an ear to listen or a shoulder ... (read in full...)

Am I stuck up for wanting basic things?

Q.   I'm been with my bf for a year and half. He lives with his mum still and now built a cabin in his mums garden and says he plans to stay there. I am not happy about staying there with no bathroom, kitchen, space for my things but he says I am stuck ...

A.   6 September 2018: I think you've got to accept the situation as a case of it is what it is. He is content, living life as he choses. You're not stuck up for wanting something different, you just have different wants and needs in life. If he really wanted to be with ... (read in full...)

Do people change? He wants me to accept he has and wants to have another baby!

Q.   After years of my husband being very neglectful , toxic, drunkard and bullheaded.. i decided to stop caring and do my own other things.. Now that he has realized that i might leave the relationship...he says he agrees with me about everythi...

A.   22 August 2018: So that's a big fat NO - no babies with this man. Not unless you're prepared to give him a few years to prove that he's changed, matured, stopped being an ugly human. I really can't see this working. Do you really want to be with a man who would ... (read in full...)

My profile was on a dating app...

Q.   I have a long term partner of many years , with whom I'm really happy. About a year ago we were chatting in bed about dating in general, and how hard it must be to meet someone suitable, etc.We'd just been watching one of our favorite TV programs...

A.   22 August 2018: I would absolutely tell your GF. She'll remember and, if you're telling the truth, what's the big deal? You'll have another giggle! And it really isn't anyone else's business, but if you feel the need to clear the air, tell the story, with you GF ... (read in full...)

I'm about to move in with my boyfriend, but worry he might change his mind.

Q.   Hi all, So I’ve been with my new boyfriend for nearly 6 months, it’s all going brilliantly, he’s everything I’ve wanted and we get on so well, I’m 28, he’s 30. He’s been with a lot of girls for one night stands and his longest relationship is ...

A.   22 August 2018: Are you sure it's not you that's getting cold feet? Are you looking for a way out? You can't expect to get any guarantees in life, but I understand you've been hurt in the past, so you are looking for rock solid. He sounds as committed as he can ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is nasty when we argue. Does he not care?

Q.   My boyfriend is loving and caring but when we argue he likes to name call, being nasty and defensive, as if trying to hurt me back for upsetting him (however unintentionally). I KNOW this is not the ideal conflict resolution scenario. I'm just ...

A.   3 July 2018: If someone loves and respects you, it doesn't matter how angry they are with you, they don't call you names. This is not a healthy relationship. And you need to move on before you get trapped. You're already making excuses for him - "however ... (read in full...)

I need help in letting him go!

Q.   We met online, he is kind, sweet, committed and just a good soul. I wasnt awfully attracted to him physically but he is the kindest man on this planet so I decided to meet him anyway. I was still not attracted to him but felt because he is such a ...

A.   3 July 2018: At least you've admitted to being shallow and self-conscious, that's the place to start. You keep saying that you're not attracted to him, but that you "make out". You wouldn't have been able to if you weren't attracted, the relationship would have ... (read in full...)

I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...

A.   3 July 2018: It doesn't sound as though your BF has tried very hard to have the lodger move out. Maybe he doesn't really want her to. If she has been there for 25 years, he must be OK with how things are. And really, why would she move out when she has it so ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to fall in love with your cousin?

Q.   My whole family went to Minnesota to visit my aunt and cousins! My cousin is a boy, 16 Years old and I’m 15 Years old and a girl. When I first saw him it was like love at first sight....sometimes he would roll his tounge at me just to be funny or...

A.   3 July 2018: Take it for what it is - a crush on a boy who is paying you attention. It's not love, more likely it's hormones. Enjoy the feeling, but keep this to yourself. You'll only end up hurt and embarrassed if you express your feelings to him, or anyone in ... (read in full...)

What if I fail ......

Q.   Hello everyone! I am in the middle of some crazy studying because very soon I’ll be taking a competitive examination (if I pass I will have to take another three competitive examinations in the course of the next year) to upgrade my career and get a ...

A.   24 June 2018: Stop thinking about failure. To start with, you've already succeeding: you have a what sounds like a happy marriage; you have a career; you know what you want; and you're doing it. So you are already there! You can only do your best. You've studied ... (read in full...)

do I look gay, or is it just a good way to attract attention from women?

Q.   25 year old self professed hipster here. Not really a macho alpha dude but I do work out. I am still on the slim side though. I am definitely not gay. I was in a relationship with a girl for 3 years during college but have been single for 2 years. ...

A.   21 May 2018: That is a shame - her loss. Just think of it as an exercise; a practice run asking a girl out. Each time from now on will only get easier. ... (read in full...)

Possibly pregnant from a one night stand

Q.   Im probably overthinking this at the moment , i had a date with a guy and we both got pretty drunk. We went back to his and slept together im now thinking if we had a little accident then i would be pregnant. its too late for the morning after pill. ...

A.   14 May 2018: Better get yourself off to the doctor and get tested. If you've had unprotected sex, pregnancy is not the only thing that may have occurred. And yes, you should know better at your age. No-one can make this decision for you, if you are in fact ... (read in full...)

How can I get my mistress to finally trust me after 5 years together?

Q.   I've been in a 5 year relationship with my mistress and she still doesn't trust me. I have done everything I can to show her I am trustworthy but she can never fully have faith in me. Her trust problem has caused a lot of tension in our relationship ...

A.   14 May 2018: So, you are cheating on your partner to be with your mistress - so YES you are expecting too much here. NO, she will never trust you. Why would she, really? You've proven yourself to her. ... (read in full...)

do I look gay, or is it just a good way to attract attention from women?

Q.   25 year old self professed hipster here. Not really a macho alpha dude but I do work out. I am still on the slim side though. I am definitely not gay. I was in a relationship with a girl for 3 years during college but have been single for 2 years. ...

A.   14 May 2018: WiseOwlE knows what he's talking about - so take heed! The reason you are attracting attention is because you're not looking for it. You're not needy, you are oozing confidence, health and fitness - all this is creating a fantastic turn on for these ... (read in full...)

Why can't I get past first dates?

Q.   I'm suffering from a really bad 18 months or so of dating, all the dates have been from various apps like Tinder or Bumble but the most dates with one girl in that time is four. However, recently it's got really bad... I haven't had a second date ...

A.   14 May 2018: Physical turn offs could be: if you had bad breath, were a smoker, stale smelling clothes, dirty shoes. Otherwise, talking about yourself continually. Do you ask your dates questions about themselves? Do you show an interest in what they like to do? ... (read in full...)

I was abandoned by my mom, my dad's girlfriend has managed to put a wedge between my father and I and I'm hurting

Q.   Hi I'm really upset, I hope you can help. My dad when I was younger was horrible to me and my mum, I won't got too into things but when he was drunk he took is anger out on me, I was 6 year old and constantly covered in bruises ( my body not my ...

A.   14 May 2018: You've certainly been let down by your parents. Have your tried professional counselling to help you cope with the past? I would most definitely advise this. There is far too much emotional wreckage for you to be able to deal with this on your own, ... (read in full...)

Is having a child something that you can end up thinking wow this is the best thing I have ever done or do you stick with your gut feeling?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years and are just in the process of buying a house. She is wanting to have children in the next 2 years. The problem is I have never really been interested in having a child. I have a good job which I ...

A.   7 May 2018: My first husband and I were both in our late twenties and been together for six years. I wanted to have children, and he was very much like yourself, too busy living his life and couldn't see how children could fit in. Again, the same as you and ... (read in full...)

I’ve given up drinking! How do I tell my friend before his bachelor party?

Q.   When I was in my early 20s and mid 20s, I was a heavy drinker. I would not considered myself an alcoholic but I was a drunk. After a really bad experience about six years ago (I was lucky I did not die from alcohol poisoning), I decided that I ...

A.   7 May 2018: Well done! You've made an excellent choice to live a better and healthier life. My thoughts are that you should let your friend know how you are living your life now, and how happy you are for him. Be honest with him in regards to the bachelor ... (read in full...)

Either there's something lacking in my looks or I'm choosing the wrong men or both!

Q.   I need help in what to look for when choosing men who are not superficial . I feel like men care only about having women who look like what they see online and in magazines . My husband was like this and constantly made comparisons and other men ...

A.   4 May 2018: I think you need to stop looking for validation from sources other than yourself. You should be looking good for yourself, not to appease any man. Self confidence is what makes a person attractive. If you only work on making the exterior gorgeous, ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to date someone just for fun?

Q.   So here’s my story. I’ve always kind of been a sap for relationships and I tend to over think things. I’m an ENFP and I’m kind of at a cross road in my life. I’ve never really liked to just jump into relationships with people or dating. I don’t feel ...

A.   4 May 2018: I see it this way - you're under 30, single, not setting out to hurt anyone, so there's nothing wrong with dating for fun. If you're open and honest, and being your true self, there is no harm. If you are dating a girl who wants to get serious, but ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend doesn't care about the here and now.

Q.   Hi guys, I am really frustrated and stuck. My gf and I have been together about 5yrs. When we got together she was unemployed, I was studying. We have not lived together since after 2yrs due to money I could not afford having her. (she was very ...

A.   29 April 2018: Is she behaving in any way different from when you first started dating? Because you are finding her behaviour annoying now - and you haven't even started living together - it will only get worse when you move in together. You had better start ... (read in full...)

My best friend tried to kiss my girlfriend.

Q.   Hey guys. Last night my best friend (of like 8 years) tried to kiss my fiance (of 10 years). We were all out drinking, but I had left early because i was feeling gross. I had no trust issues leaving them. They didn't know i was there, as i had ...

A.   28 April 2018: Your friends behaviour is not out of character, so you shouldn't be surprised. I'd forgive him, but let him know that he really needs to grow up and ease up on the alcohol, as he can't handle it. And that he risks loosing your friendship. Your ... (read in full...)

What is something special I can do for my gf?

Q.   I love my gf, things are great for the most part. Im not good with remembering anniversaries, birthdays and dates as such, nor am I the romantic type; so I choose to rather to show it everyday, or most days. She has said in the past "I am the best ...

A.   28 April 2018: Do you have camping gear? You could plan a weekend away on the cheap. Cook her a meal. Learn how to give a great massage - nice oils and candles. Remembering dates aren't what counts in the long run - your actions are what will keep the relationship ... (read in full...)

Why am I attracted to men like my father?

Q.   [Mod note: two questions combined from same poster.] Should I date men that I don’t find physically attractive? I come from an arranged marriage - my parents both were set up by their parents and their still married - although not happy.. I apprec...

A.   2 April 2018: Maybe look for dates differently. Join a group, play a mixed sport, broaden your life and maybe you'll broaden the type of men that you'll meet. Enroll in a course and learn a new skill, along the way meeting new people. Make new friends, that ... (read in full...)

I love another boy but don’t know how to break up with my boyfriend!

Q.   Well, l am kind of in a weird situation, there was a boy who l had a crush on, but l thought he wasn't in to me. We grew up together and we did things we shouldn't have (anything other then sex*) but l thought we were just messing around, and he r...

A.   2 April 2018: To be respectful to your current boyfriend you should not start a new relationship with your old crush. As far as breaking up with your boyfriend, you could ensure he has friends that will support him when you do make the break. You should not stay ... (read in full...)

Is my husband being shady, buying a gift for a coworker?

Q.   My husband recently bought a gift for a female coworker. I found text messages of him asking other people what this female coworker likes. When I saw the gift, I asked him, oh who is this for and he ignored my question and started talking about ...

A.   29 March 2018: I'd be bringing this subject up again, certainly. If it's all innocent, then there wouldn't be any reason for your husband to not give you details: What is the reason for the gift? A birthday gift, whatever the reason, why not talk about it? If he ... (read in full...)

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