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*een there Now over it

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At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same. I really enjoy seeing someone shine, especially a young person with true talent.

I live in Los Angeles and am on the liberal side. I am a little more accepting of some predicaments than other DQ helpers. As for spirituality, I am agnostic and live purely by the Golden Rule...Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This very simply covers EVERYTHING!

In 2015 I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7 for the next month. I was mostly at home and spending a lot of time browsing the internet. I found Dear Cupid and - disappointed by the way some people were letting themselves be treated so poorly - decided to post some answers. I discovered that I was giving the questions much more thought than if just reading them. So this has become a matter of personal growth for me as well as extending help to others. Depending on what's going on in my life I get on here and read questions sporadically, and answer only a minority of them. If I read but don't answer a question it is because either 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.

My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them."

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My boyfriend is telling another girl she should marry him.

Q.   Hi my boyfriend is deployed for 7 months in Latvia. I felt like he seems distant. I opened his Facebook I saw that he’s messaging one girl, he was telling the girl that he will send a letter to her and by the time that girl is 30 she should marry ...

A.   19 March 2018: Since he is off in Latvia, who knows how many girls he is playing. If he is playing two there is likely more. What is this deal about waiting until she is 30? It sounds like he wants to string her along and dump her when she reaches 29 and 11 ... (read in full...)

Which of these potential partners is my best match?

Q.   Ok, So this is going to be kind of lengthy so bear with me... So to start off I've been single for a long time, 6 years to be exact. Recently I've decided to get back out in the dating pool and see what happens. Oddly enough, I've met a coupl...

A.   17 March 2018: Enjoy all of them. You could pick the best of this bunch and he may still not be the right one for you. If you are confused as to which one to pick, it is likely that none of them is the right one. When you do find him, it will become very ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't approve of my modeling career!

Q.   My partner and I live together, we had an argument last night. He is 25 and I’m 23, I am pursuing a modeling career that is just taking off but he doesn’t approve the photoshoots; last week it was because the photographers are men and he feels ...

A.   17 March 2018: I would tell him about the porn now, while you are telling him that anyone intervening in your life to prevent you from following your dream is totally and unconditionally unacceptable. Along with his interference, you don't really want somebody ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend had a threesome dream about me & one of my closest friends

Q.   This question goes out to those of you with some expertise in dream analysis... My boyfriend had a dream of him having a threesome with me and one of my closest friends. It was very porny and intense and he was having sex primarily with her in it. ...

A.   16 March 2018: This reminds of me sex dreams I've had about women in my ancient past, such as school mates. Women I'd completely forgotten and never fantasized about even at the time we were in contact. When I wake up I wonder where that came from! Dreams often ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my boyfriend becoming less motivated.

Q.   My bf and I have been going out close to a year. When I 1st met him he was working 2 jobs, over 12 hours a day and was miserable. He told me he had to get out of his job to move forward. Well now he is and is exploring options to go back to ...

A.   16 March 2018: It will take time to tell about his degree of motivation. Obviously, he was willing to work quite difficult hours. He is planning on school and is conscious of his finances in regard to that decision. You don't say over what period of time he ... (read in full...)

How I teach him about sex without him feeling like an idiot?

Q.   So I started dating one of my guy friends who I have known for 8 years. We're pretty close with each other and getting our feelings out there has only brought us closer. I am not a virgin but I'm not like really experienced either and he is a vir...

A.   15 March 2018: As a virgin, knowing you for eight years and probably knowing that you are experienced, he is likely very self-conscious and anxious about his inexperience probably showing. Once a guy loses an erection at a time when he thinks his partner will be ... (read in full...)

Do I have to be a bad boy to find love?

Q.   I met some one new, my question is, so do I act like my self,which is a gentleman, kind of guy who opens doors, says nice things, I keep hearing from my friends that am too nice, act like I don't give a hoot, my friends say she will like me more, so ...

A.   8 March 2018: You want to be yourself. Taking on another persona rarely works...I've seen people do that and they very obviously don't feel comfortable with themselves, which is a real turn-off. Unless you are a great actor (Hollywood level) you shouldn't try ... (read in full...)

His behavious doesn't tell me if he likes me or if its flirty banter.

Q.   I started a new job over a month ago. The floor i work on is the same floor as my mates brother who I have never met before. i was introduced to him by mate ever since we been introduced he always makes the effort to come and talk to me in intervals ...

A.   8 March 2018: Honeypie is absolutely right about this guy being a game player. He likes you and would like to get you into bed. But he is acting childish. It sounds like he is providing you with some entertainment and flattery. Enjoy it but keep you distance. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is unemotional and giving me the silent treatment!

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm living with my bf of 3 years , and he is nice most of the times, but he is very unemotional and practical and had not told me he loves me yet, though I said couple of times and no response So I got pregnant , we both agreed it...

A.   8 March 2018: I hope you don't expect him to change...he's not going to. This is just his nature. It is as simple as that. You are living with the guy who has not told you - after three, THREE years that he loves you. You are merely a convenience to him. Do... (read in full...)

Close friend is abusive toward her husband, should I reach out to him?

Q.   I never really approved of their marriage, because she really rushed it and she is young, 23, while her husband and I are the same age, 29. They married 10 months after we all met despite everyone telling them to wait, because she kept pressuring ...

A.   27 February 2018: If I was this fellow I'd be sure that you were reaching out for more than hugs and encouragement. And his wife would think that, too, if she got word of it. Just what you've said here makes me wonder whether or not you have other intentions. ... (read in full...)

Am I a girlfriend or an atm?

Q.   so i met this guy some few months ago for us it was love at first sight or so i thought.we kept on dating and at some point he was broke and i would give whatever i had on me without him asking.later on he got the courage to start asking for cash ...

A.   27 February 2018: You either have no boyfriend or not much of one. But you have a mooch...that's for sure! He used you. Now you have no money so there is no reason for him to have a conversation with you. This guy is just completely disrespecting and taking ... (read in full...)

My dad is a nasty drunk, his mom is deaf... How can I combine both our lives?

Q.   I have been speaking to this guy for a while, we have recently made it official. He met my parents the other day, and my father, got really very drunk (he is a drunk, we’ve tried so many times to get him to stop but he just won’t) I am now worried ...

A.   26 February 2018: Smile a lot. She'll understand and like you. I've used smiles all over the world and it seems as though everyone has understood and smiled back. She is probably more worried about making you feel uncomfortable. Your boyfriend is probably... (read in full...)

My partner sleeps too much and it's irritating

Q.   My partner works evenings, and he finishes work at midnight. I'm usually still up when he gets home around 12.15 and we go to bed shortly afterwards. Now, I get up around 9am (unless I am at university for the early lecture, then we both get up at ...

A.   23 February 2018: He doesn't leave himself much time to enjoy and engage in life. Or to spend time with you. He likely suffers from depression. The internet is a great resource for researching this. I just checked and "depression in bed all day" brings up 18 mi... (read in full...)

We've had 4 dates in 5 years

Q.   Hiya I’ve been with my partner for 5 years now we have had problems throughout the relationship due to him we hardly spend any time together. we’ve been for 2 meals and to the pictures twice in 5 years. it’s like he doesn’t want to be seen with me....

A.   23 February 2018: Very strange! No, I don't think you'll find anyone on this site who has been in this particular situation. So the guy gets a hair cut and a shave every six months. I'd think you'd be most happy to NOT be seen out in public with him. I can only ... (read in full...)

Am I in the wrong or not with regard to my situation?

Q.   Hi all. Im in deep need of advice to see if im in the wrong or not on my situation. Ive been with my guy for almost 6 yrs now. When I first met him, he was a drinker and a weed smoker. And thru the years he hasnt stopped either the drinking or the ...

A.   22 February 2018: As noted below, you should not be leaving your 8-year-old with someone who is constantly high. This not only puts your child in immediate danger but you are also exposing him or her to a terrible role model! Your child may very well take on the ... (read in full...)

I hate sex with my husband!

Q.   OMG. I hate sex with my husband. It was always not great but I thought it would improve over time. I love him very much and I didn’t think that was a reason to break up before we got married. I’ve never discussed this with anyone.A...

A.   22 February 2018: Based on your follow-up, your options are down to those that do not include having even half-way decent sex with your husband. It is either put up with sex you hate, leave, restrict your sex life to masturbation, have an outside relationship and/or ... (read in full...)

Unrequited love for a sometimes FWB and I'm feeling second best

Q.   I’ve been seeing this guy for just over nine months. When we first met I fell in love with him, and at first it was reciprocated. I am still in love with him, however his feelings have changed and we have moved to more of a situation where we are ...

A.   22 February 2018: You understand your status as a substitute who wouldn't be in his life if the other fellow lived nearby. That's a good start. All indications are that this will end badly. The longer you stay in this relationship the more you'll be devastat... (read in full...)

My husband bought a perfume for a colleague.. Is he cheating?

Q.   My husband came home from trip abroad. While i was unpacking i saw a burberry perfume i sent him a picture of it.. ang replied” for my colleague”... the perfume is obviously for women. He messaged again he said “ did i do anything wrong?” I felt ...

A.   22 February 2018: Here's one innocent explanation: Men have a difficult time buying gifts for women...Christmas is a total dilemma for all the men I know. If a man heard that a particular perfume was good, I can see him buying it for someone he owes a gift. Your ... (read in full...)

Could this new interest of my husband mean he is bi-sexual?

Q.   My husband has recently begun enjoying anal penetration with a vibrator. He suggested that we buy a double headed dildo to try together for the first time. So, I went to the local sex shop and bought one along with lube. I just can't get over h...

A.   22 February 2018: Double-ended dildos are marketed primarily toward lesbians. Just to be sure, I just Googled "double-headed dildo" and clicked on images. The photos all showed females using this except for one photo of two guys. You should do your own research ... (read in full...)

Are we wrong for seeing each other? Or is it just a complex situation?

Q.   My dad had been going out with this girl, I met her friend's son, and instantly developed a crush on him which carried on through the years. My dad ended up dumping the girl he was with and getting with her friend, which was the mother of the boy I ...

A.   20 February 2018: I have a second cousin who was courted by a much older fellow (both were teachers at the same school). They got married and then her brother (about the same age as her) married the fellow's daughter. All seem to be happy some 25 to 30 years later. ... (read in full...)

I hate sex with my husband!

Q.   OMG. I hate sex with my husband. It was always not great but I thought it would improve over time. I love him very much and I didn’t think that was a reason to break up before we got married. I’ve never discussed this with anyone.A...

A.   20 February 2018: At least he has a sexual appetite...that's a good starting point for improving things. Have you ever had an open conversation with him about how you feel and why? What have you done to educate him about turning you on and giving you orgasms? That ... (read in full...)

I kicked my partner out of my house because of his hurtful comments. Advice?

Q.   Yesterday I kicked my partner out of my home. He is 60 years old and has been a very high level banker in the past. We had a minor tiff when I confronted him (gently) by telling him I was hurt by a comment he made. I had shown him a mortgag...

A.   20 February 2018: Good for you! He disrespected you and has just learned that you aren't one to put up with his crap. Do you think he's learned something thru this? I've dealt with people who've had his problem and yes, it is VERY annoying! Especially as it is YOUR ... (read in full...)

I really like her, she's gorgeous but I'm not attracted to her. Why?

Q.   Hey everyone, I hope you're doing well. I have a question for you guys - if anyone has been in a similar situation, it would be great to hear how it worked out! I recently met a woman - maybe six weeks ago now. We started talking on a dating app,...

A.   20 February 2018: I've had attractions to women who were considered gorgeous but just didn't do it for me. Just about all of these were women that I'd worked with so I didn't pursue them romantically. These turned into friendships because I seemed to be the one guy ... (read in full...)

Do I message my crush?

Q.   I am single and have a big crush on a local comedian infact my ex and I would often go and watch him at the comedy club. I started to follow him on Instagram and he followed me back. I have 'liked a few of his pics and he 'liked' one of mine. It...

A.   19 February 2018: I would follow up on this but keep it very low-key. Message him, asking for his show schedule and telling him what jokes or skits he's done that you particularly like and would appreciate seeing more of. If you have a really good one you can ... (read in full...)

I welcome opinions on if he is interested or not? Also why men play the three day game?

Q.   I am a female in her mid fifties. I have done online dating on and off for about nine years. I have a good job, a home, friends, hobbies, have been told that I am attractive, work out, intelligent, funny and best of all, have a big heart. I started ...

A.   18 February 2018: Without knowing more, this is just a guess: I don't think he is playing the three-day game. That's usually played within the first few days or week of knowing someone...not after you've been having daily phone calls with someone. And he doesn't ... (read in full...)

I want to be his girlfriend..not his FWB

Q.   Am in a fwb situation..we are monogamous with each other..he tells me he loves me..I tell him that too.. But he says he does not want a girlfriend..he did take me out on valentines day..but next morning referred to me as his fuck buddy...I hate t...

A.   18 February 2018: I hate to be brutal but: He is keeping his options open so that he can get into a) a real relationship or b) another FWB relationship should the opportunity come along. You have two choices: a) stick with the FWB relationship, or b) tell him this ... (read in full...)

He didn't get me a present for my birthday or Valentine's Day

Q.   My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight, and in the end I decided to break it off with him because it was getting nowhere. Last year on my birthday, my bf didn't get me anything or take me out to eat anywhere. It was literally NOTHING. But I ju...

A.   16 February 2018: I'm not a big fan of days when we are supposed to give gifts...it seems that Christmas and Valentine's Day have been hijacked by Hallmark Cards and other companies who stand to profit from making one feel obligated to buy presents. Still, it is ... (read in full...)

My partner cheated on me, can we make it work?

Q.   My question is simple. This is something I'm trying so hard to move past, for around the last 6 months now. I feel like I have progressed, but in real baby steps! Is it really possible to forgive and continue a relationship with someone who chea...

A.   16 February 2018: I've never heard of a magic cure for this problem. However you handle this problem, it takes time to regain trust after a person has cheated. Trust may never be fully regained. It is just in men's nature to experience sex with a variety of women... (read in full...)

He talks marriage but I think he is just using me for sex.

Q.   So I was with a guy when I was younger we didn’t date but we would make out etc teenager stuff right (No sex) it lasted like 4 years so I consider it a relationship he ghosted me and then 3 years later came to see me and we talked made out etc he ...

A.   16 February 2018: It sounds like he ghosts you whenever a new girl comes along. And when he is with you, he lies regarding his plans for marriage. And, if your were married, you can be quite sure this fellow would cheat on you at any opportunity. It is time to ... (read in full...)

I don't have a partner, it makes me sad. What am I doing wrong?

Q.   I am 32 and single for nearly nine years. At this time of the year my loneliness feels suffocating and I’m finding it extremely difficult to cope with the fact that there is no telling whether I will spend the next nine years or more alone.Given my ...

A.   16 February 2018: It sounds like you are a homebody and expecting Mr. Right to find you there. Well, he never knocks on the door of your home. You find him outside of your home. There are a lot of good suggestions below as to where to find men. Engage in ... (read in full...)

Is pregnancy a normal turn on for a man ?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together about 6 months and we have a pretty normal happy relationship. Decent sex life and I love him and care for him dearly. I see a future for us. There is one thing that always comes up though recently. Pregna...

A.   14 February 2018: I've had more than my share of guy talk and never once has a anyone mentioned this fetish. Many if not most or even all people have fetishes but this is certainly one of the more peculiar ones and not a healthy one, at that. As you suggest, one ... (read in full...)

Why am I a walking contradiction!!??

Q.   Is it ok to feel most comfortable, content and safe at home? I live alone and have a small amount of individual fiends I see occasionally. I’m single, gay female, i work, and have no kids. As much as I enjoy looking around my city,g...

A.   14 February 2018: The goal is to be happy. I'm not sure whether your concern comes from societal expectations or a genuine, deep-down desire to be more involved outside your home. Television programming presents model lifestyles and we compare our own lives as... (read in full...)

Can a relationship that started out purely for sexual hookups actually amount to more.

Q.   A year ago I started a purely sexual relationship with a friend of my ex bfs. We had both just gotten out of relationship so we were only looking for a hookup. It was suppose to be a one time thing but turned into regular hookups. They were amazing ...

A.   14 February 2018: Of course your FWB relationship can turn into more. Is there any reason that it can't? I don't see this as much different than you two hatching your relationship based on a common interest in museums, golf or whatever. He seems like a keeper, too. ... (read in full...)

Am I asking to much from men?

Q.   Am I asking to much from a man? Hello I have been single for two years and in my early thirties - long story short I have a mother that is like poison with her mouth “when will you find a guy” - “can you have a child in ur late thirties” - she ...

A.   12 February 2018: Your wants in a man are pretty much minimal qualifications. Are you dating and find the wrong men? Or not dating at all? If not at all, you might ask where to find these guys, which is something that's been discussed frequently here on DQ. They ... (read in full...)

I've changed my mind about this guy I was casually seeing

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend of three years about 5 months ago. I’ve been on tinder for the last few months, and a few weeks ago met a guy that I fancied. We went on a few dates, got on well, he was a great guy. I definitely fancied him but I didn’t ...

A.   12 February 2018: You are over-dramatizing this, most likely due to a psychological reflex to what happened with your ex. Let him call you. See what he has in mind regarding what this friendship thing entails. Don't sleep with him until there is some sort of ... (read in full...)

My wife seems to have lost interest in sex but I suspects she masturbates

Q.   I'm a male 58,my wife is 58.we always had a good sex life but,now,she never ask me to give her an orgasam.she doesn't want me to kiss her much,very little breast touching.very little vagina touching. she acts like she doesn't care no more but will...

A.   12 February 2018: Sex often gets boring and it sounds like this is what is happening with her. Is sex pretty much the same time after time? Do you ever experiment with toys, bondage, positions, porn or anything? The only way out of this is to have open two-way ... (read in full...)

I want my pastor to treat me as he does others

Q.   OK my head is frying and I have no one I can talk to about this without it ending up a mess. My pastor is hurting and confusing me! I am a young single mum to a 8 year old. I find life though sometimes. My pastor came out too see me 3 times in...

A.   12 February 2018: Pastors aren't always the good folks you think they are. We just had another case this weekend in LA...a pastor turned himself in this morning after being caught on a security camera doing some unmentionables with innocent young girls at a motel. ... (read in full...)

What is considered cheating in an open relationship?

Q.   My wife and I agreed to be in an open relationship. We were both very into the idea for years. During sex, she haexpressed interest in a mutual male friend. Several months later I was suspecting that they were fooling around but she never mentione...

A.   12 February 2018: Yes in regard to cheating. Cheating has a short a concise definition that includes having sex with someone other than your significant other and hiding the fact. Telling you lies to hide the fact takes it to a higher level. An affair is a little... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby

Q.   I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby and i'm going to birth the baby but i'm worried. Doctor says my baby is fine but i'm still worried. My cousin is scared and we both can't tell our families because they're really strict but now they know tha...

A.   10 February 2018: If your cousin's father suspects your cousin is the father, there's a good chance that he's discussed this with your folks and perhaps they suspect, too, but don't want to confront you about it. As the father, your cousin will be involved with thi... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is a great guy and good looking but I'm not sure that I fancy him

Q.   Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. We've been together for 3 months and I absolutely love him - he's kind, attentive, loyal and loving and we get on really well. He's become my best friend. The pr...

A.   8 February 2018: He has lots of good traits but you just don't find him interesting. Is this a good one-word description? If so, do you think you'll ever find him interesting? He seems like a guy who embraces the the traits we are told to have but doesn't ever ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is a great guy and good looking but I'm not sure that I fancy him

Q.   Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it. We've been together for 3 months and I absolutely love him - he's kind, attentive, loyal and loving and we get on really well. He's become my best friend. The pr...

A.   8 February 2018: He has lots of good traits but you just don't find him interesting. Is this a good one-word description? If so, do you think you'll ever find him interesting? He seems like a guy who embraces the the traits we are told to have but doesn't ever ... (read in full...)

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