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*een there Now over it

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*een there Now over it's profile:

At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same.

I am a fiction (video) and non-fiction (books) writer. Several years ago I started perusing Dear Cupid for story and character ideas for my fictional stuff. On November 10, 2015, I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7, for the next month. I was here at home and continued to browse Dear Cupid, and finally decided to post some answers. I am giving what I hope is helpful Dear Cupid advice for any situations where I feel I may be of some help. I read most of the Questions but answer only a minority of them. If I don't answer a question, it is either because 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the Question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.

My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." I read that in 'The Week' magazine and I'm so often reminded of it. I don't know who came up with that.

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I have a health problem that makes me feel unworthy of a man's love

Q.   What really makes us worthy of love? I have been losing hair since teenage years and my hair density has gradually declined (not bald yet). With treatment, I have stopped the hair loss to some extent and seeing some new hair growth. But, fig...

A.   12 December 2017: I can see you really need your hair back. Have you considered hair extensions or a wig? As long as you can't grow it, you should go in that direction as it is your only solution. I know a beautiful blonde woman whose hair got "fried" two year... (read in full...)

How do I control something that is so compulsive in my nature?

Q.   I dunno if this is the right place to ask this question but here goes... I'm a motorcyclist and I'm impulsive and crave the thrill of speed.I had another accident today... This must be my fifth and it looks like I have completely torn my rotator ...

A.   11 December 2017: You especially shouldn't be riding a motorcycle if you have little control of one arm. This is all very easy...sell the motorcycle and don't buy another. Get a cheap car, ride share or find another way to get to work. It takes more discipline ... (read in full...)

Red flags are everywhere. He's a nice guy but was I right to end it?

Q.   I met this guy online, tall, good looking, we met at a coffee shop right away and everything seemed fine until after I got home that night. He was texting me the longest messages I’ve ever seen. They were paragraphs. Usually guys tend to be the ones ...

A.   11 December 2017: So here's what went on BEFORE second date with him: "So yea, he told me he suffers from fibro, that he hurt his back playing sports and he can’t go to the gym anymore, that he also hurt his testicles playing sports and now can’t get a girl pre... (read in full...)

First time sex was this normal?

Q.   I had sex for the first time and I noticed it wasn't that comfortable. As it was my first, I assumed it was just a matter of getting used to it. However at one point, it really hurt and was uncomfortable around my bum which I wasn't sure about. L...

A.   11 December 2017: Try a Google search for "first time sex pain." It'll bring up over 3 million links. So yes, it is normal. Take a look at a few of these links and they'll enlighten you as to what's happening with you. Don't'll get much better! ... (read in full...)

What would you think if your doctor said you look good?

Q.   My male doctor surprised me the other day when I went in for an office visit. After discussing my medical problem he asked if I cut my hair and said I looked good.My hair hasn't changed the last few months plus I have been seeing him every 1-2 weeks ...

A.   10 December 2017: This sounds like something a grandfather or uncle might say. Unless he had a glean in his eye or some other gesture that affected made you uncomfortable, I wouldn't think much of it. With all the abusers and other pervs in the news this year, it ... (read in full...)

Do you find this touching odd or it’s normal?

Q.   Hi, I have a question and would appreciate your inputs. I’m 40 years old and just started dating 5 years after my divorce. I’m independent with a great job. I met a guy online who turned out to have some mutual friends with. He is 45, professional, ...

A.   8 December 2017: Yes, this is peculiar...not just the massage...I am more surprised that on a first date he would bring up marriage and having a child. He sounds like he is desperate to get this done, especially as you are 40 and getting toward the end of time ... (read in full...)

I want her back but she doesn't want a relationship. How can she just walk away?

Q.   So, there was this girl I met two years ago and I am in love with her (we dated and were pretty serious) . I am in the military and I was stationed in Alaska.( Where I met her, I am originally from Florida). But I hurt her and she well I left ...

A.   7 December 2017: When the father of someone you think you love dies, you can't be too busy to pay that person some attention. She lost one of the most important people in the world, needed your support at one of the darkest times in her life, and you were "too busy" ... (read in full...)

His daughter found my text messages to him and now he wants to cool things

Q.   Hi I met a guy whom Ive known for years .. he was married before twenty years ago . He has three kids two grown up another who is eleven he lived with a woman before but didn’t work out I’ve just been seperated six months and for years I ignored ...

A.   7 December 2017: Why is his daughter dictating his social life? Either the guy is a wuss (a weak person) or he is using his daughter as an excuse to break up with you. Most likely, he is being a wuss. His daughter is probably going to continue to run his life and ... (read in full...)

Desperately in love with my teacher

Q.   Hello everyone. I'm a sixteen year old girl and I have this one teacher who is just the most amazing guy ever. He's really smart, funny, and his personality is wonderful ;I'm just so in love. I have never really been in an intimate relationship with ...

A.   6 December 2017: Most important, don't try to get involved with your teacher. In most countries, he would lose his job for even being suspected of having an affair with a student. I wouldn't tell your friends, either. It could cause you a lot of embarras... (read in full...)

Why the strange reaction to my bridesmaid offer?

Q.   Hi Everyone :) I have a best friend who is acting strange. She recently started acting odd ever since I got engaged in August of 2017. I asked her if she would be my maid of honor? She said yes, then I met up with her at a restaurant and got...

A.   6 December 2017: Does she have any issues with the fellow you are marrying? That's the first thing I think of...some odd denial or resentment of you getting married. Do you have any mutual friends who might be able to fill you in regarding her attitude? The m... (read in full...)

Was my childhood strange?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles! I would really appreciate your help since I need some perspective on the relationship I had with my mom. I know she loved me and did the best she could, but I sometimes felt abandoned by her. She decided to have a ch...

A.   5 December 2017: There's no doubt that it was unusual. At least you had people there to care for you while your grew up. I thought my childhood was fairly normal until I got out in the world and realized that it was mom had made enemies of all my ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend is really depressed what should I do 

Q.   My boyfriend is really depressed, we have been going out for 2 month and hes saying he feels on a scale of 1 - 10 ( 10 feeling really good ) that hes about a 2 . He has been seeing the doctor and a mental health worker but i dont feel hes getting ...

A.   2 December 2017: Have you thought about what you are getting into here? The early part of a relationship should be almost perfect. Is he likely to pull out of this depression? As you've described it, I wouldn't want a romantic relationship with such a person. I ... (read in full...)

How do I move on from this married man and pick up the pieces of my life?

Q.   Two years ago I made a choice to enter into a relationship with a married man and I am having trouble pulling myself out of this horrible loop. I am struggling with depression from dealing with the consequences of this and am looking for advice to ...

A.   2 December 2017: I have a friend who, a year ago, wrecked his fancy sports car when speeding at 120 miles per hour. He lived but now uses a cane to walk. He hit another car. Even though the two people in that car had been acting responsibly, they are still ... (read in full...)

Bereavement has hit our relationship

Q.   My partner's ex girlfriend killed herself 6 weeks ago, he took his pain + grief out on me. We have been together 6 years + 3 children. I don't see a way back. He is sleeping on the sofa since. Is it time to walk away. ...

A.   2 December 2017: Grief takes on many different forms...each of us handles loss differently. It is often difficult and frequently impossible for us to understand how another grieves. Whether or not it is valid, he is likely feeling some responsibility for her deat... (read in full...)

Am I right to doubt his fidelity?

Q.   We've been dating for two years. Mostly it's been great. Lately however I'm feeling hurt because he got drunk and told my best friend and me that he wanted to "play" with us both? My friends chalk it up to his drinking but now I feel like I'm not ...

A.   30 November 2017: A high percentage of men would like to have a threesome with their wife or girlfriend and another woman. Guys get mouthy when they drink and say things that maybe they'd like to do but have no expectations of ever doing. So I don't think your guy ... (read in full...)

A good match but lack of passion troubles me

Q.   A few months ago I got out of a LTR that was passionate but troubled. I am looking for a new beginning in the future, but not right away. I want something that will last this time. I have a friend who is into me. He is a wonderful man, v...

A.   30 November 2017: We all know stories about people who fall in love and are happy with someone they ordinarily would have overlooked. Could this be you? You don't say how long you've known this person. If it is a year or longer, this change of feelings is less ... (read in full...)

Fallen for my priest. Help!

Q.   Oh my god I never see the day but I actually have a crush on my priest - for heaven's sake, the bloody priest. Is my love life that bad that I fantasise about him. My question is have you ever had a bad crush on someone your not suppose like...

A.   30 November 2017: Crushes are difficult to get over. Personally, I think it is OK to fantasize about him, just as you or any of us might fantasize about a movie or television celebrity. I believe the Church says it is OK to be gay or lesbian as long as you don't ... (read in full...)

Can we get back to normal after swinging?

Q.   Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...

A.   29 November 2017: I don't see much of a gap between rape and - in your case - being forced to have sex with someone you don't want to have sex with. Ask him how would he feel if you conditioned your marriage on him having regular sex with other men or women he ... (read in full...)

Am I being paranoid about why he doesn't make eye contact during sex?

Q.   Eye contact during sex? My husband usually turns his head away from me or closes his eyes. I dont remember having a problem with it years ago... but recently he holds me close with my head buried in his neck and almost forcibly stops me from bei...

A.   28 November 2017: If he is giving it to you, it would be peculiar if he is not looking at your facial expressions, which help tell him if he's getting the job done or not. If he closes his eyes when you are giving it to him or it is mutual, it could well be due to ... (read in full...)

Dealing With Catty Customers At Work?

Q.   I work for a "posh" retail store which has a lot of female customers, I've been awarded employee of the month for customer service before and am always friendly to people, I've only been there since last year but already know a lot of people by name ...

A.   28 November 2017: How rude! I will venture the guess that she felt your store was above her socioeconomic level and she needed to hurl an insult so that she would feel elevated or "superior." Concentrate your thoughts on the nice customers. There will always b... (read in full...)

I've been hooking up with my ex and now he wants proper sex but I'm hesitant because I want my first time to be with a boyfriend

Q.   I am a 16 year old girl. I dated this guy for a year and a half, but we broke up in January when I found out he had been sexting other girls. Over the summer, he changed a lot, and he decided he wanted to get back together with me. I told him I'd ...

A.   27 November 2017: You really want your first time to be with someone you love, not some guy who your broke up with and now he merely tells you he wants to have sex with you. Probably every guy at school wants to have sex with you...Why would you want to have your ... (read in full...)

Am I selfish for not wanting a relationship? My parents are desperate for a grandchild but I'm not so sure I'm ready

Q.   I'm just curious as to what others think about this situation or if anyone else has had a similar problem. I'm 23 and I've never dated nor been in a relationship (and therefore obviously a virgin), but that is mainly by choice as I have no desire...

A.   27 November 2017: My mom pushed heavily for grand kids early on, putting pressure on my brother and me, like your mom has done with you. I was absorbed - extremely focused - early on in academics, career and other interests. And her pressure on me to provide ... (read in full...)

I thought I could taste latex condom on my husband while giving him oral, he says I'm crazy but I'm ready to file for divorce

Q.   My husband asked me to give him oral sex. He had just taken a shower. We’re about to have sex, I go down on him and I put his penis in my mouth. I tasted the strangest taste of condom. I was in disbelief. I pulled away saying to myself I’m. Crazy. ...

A.   27 November 2017: Try having sex again - after he hasn't had a chance to cheat for the past day or two - and see if that taste is still there. I'm not well versed in these things but it seems as though a condom taste wouldn't be so strong after just taking a shower... (read in full...)

Any advice on Dear Cupid burn-out?

Q.   I know I'm not the most active poster here and I'm not hoping that anyone would recognize me but I'm just gonna post this here for a message and maybe some advice. I'm thinking of leaving DearCupid for some time, all this posts about cheating...

A.   22 November 2017: Yes, nobody writes in just to say hello and tell us how well they are doing (unless its a follow-up, of course). I do understand that one can get jaded after reading all of the problems we encounter. But there is really a bright side to all of t... (read in full...)

We still sext even though he has a girlfriend, how do I move on?

Q.   For the past two years ive been sort of sexting/sending the odd nude to this guy. Recently though he's gotten into a relationship, however we have still continued sexting etc. We've never slept together its strictly 'cyber'. A few weeks ago (I ...

A.   19 November 2017: This guy has a girlfriend and the only time he communicates with you is to get nude photos from you. And then you tried to hurt his girlfriend - who has done nothing to you - by sending her the messages you've shared with this fellow. So, t... (read in full...)

We had plans, should I keep him as a friend?

Q.   I have been friends with this guy for a year now and we have recently gotten pretty close. se seemed like a really easy going person and cool guy to hang out with. He really opens up about his life and we have many deep conversations. Well this past ...

A.   19 November 2017: Nobody put a gun to this guy's head and "forced" him to go have a drink. If he really wanted to go out and have a drink or do whatever he was doing, he owed you a call beforehand so that you wouldn't be sitting their waiting for him, wondering what ... (read in full...)

I sent him a nude, I hope he hasn't lost respect for me.

Q.   I posted a while ago saying i had a met a man with quite an usual job- he's a travel author (fairly successful). He is 35 years old, is in the public eye quite a lot and has a lot of female attention. I went on 2 dates with him back in june but then ...

A.   19 November 2017: Obviously, you mucked up the waters by sending him a nude photo. He is obviously expecting sex and you don't want to take him up on this trip invitation if you have any qualms about fulfilling those expectations. As you have some background with ... (read in full...)

How important to you is respect for and trust of your manager?

Q.   A work based question for those of you with years of experience of the workplace. How important to you is respect for and trust of your line manager? I ask because I am in a job I don't want to quit (for a number of reasons) BUT I have al...

A.   17 November 2017: If you have a bad owner and your manager did a "biggie" which made you lose all trust and respect for him, I don't see how you can regain your enthusiasm. You sound like a great employee and they've blown it for you! Bad on them. These louts ar... (read in full...)

How to deal with a more sexually experienced partner?

Q.   I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. I'm not particularly handsome either and I am obese. I will be visiting an escort in a few weeks to lose my virginity. Finally I'll get to feel what intimacy is like. However I've b...

A.   17 November 2017: No worries. Believe me, you'll be a fast learner once you get a girlfriend with whom you can practice regularly. You just ask her what she'd like to do and have done to her. Communication is the key. Sex is not like basketball or some sport ... (read in full...)

Should I leave a little heart in his desk?

Q.   Is it ok to leave a little heart in his desk? Just want to know some opinions. There's this guy at work that I like and I'm sure he likes me too. But I think it was my mistake by not showing interest in him and I think he has distanced a littl...

A.   17 November 2017: Not if he's distanced you. Try showing SOME (you know, a little bit of) interest and see what happens. Leaving a heart in his desk is something to save for the point your are either dating, or you just feel like being a psycho and want to totally ... (read in full...)

Help me find my way out of these abusive traps

Q.   I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...

A.   16 November 2017: As I look at the advice below, everyone tells you to avoid your "sexless, violent and abusive" ex. As I look at the names attached to the responses, they have a history of giving excellent advice here on DQ. And you are still wondering about ... (read in full...)

Could this relationship be wrong?

Q.   I am falling in love with my soon to be step uncle and I don't know what to do. Do I end things now before it gets out of hand or do we carry on being like we are and tell people about us ? Is it forbidden to date him ??...

A.   16 November 2017: Its never a good idea to date someone with whom you share close family connections. The vast majority of relationships break up...a break-up between you two could end up with you suffering thru years of awkward family occasions. It could end up ... (read in full...)

What can I do to make her pull her weight at home?

Q.   We have been married for over 5 years. I do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, house repairs, car repairs, take care of the animals, etc. Meanwhile my wife comes home, gets on her social media, and messes up the house. Shoes everywhere, papers, books, ...

A.   16 November 2017: I'm of the opinion that people who are habitually messy are not going to change...they change their ways briefly if it means losing a relationship but they will soon revert to the old ways. As you tell it, I have to wonder if she is mentally... (read in full...)

Help me find my way out of these abusive traps

Q.   I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...

A.   16 November 2017: Perhaps the best thing Guy #1 did was throw you out of the didn't have to go thru the drama and mess of leaving on your own. Your comments reveal that you obviously don't want to be with Guy#2. There is absolutely no reason to go back ... (read in full...)

Gossip mongers got me going

Q.   How do u act around people that gossip? I recently started a job and I noticed that two of my coworkers are partaking in chit chat - one of them first asked for my social media accounts right away (I only knew him for a month) and he wanted to add ...

A.   16 November 2017: Well, first of all, certainly don't say or otherwise reveal anything at work - to anyone - that you don't want publicized. It sounds like you understand that. Can you transfer to another department? Get another job? These are difficult remedies... (read in full...)

If we could be friends should I try?

Q.   Should I keep speaking to him, and try and be friends? I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about 2 weeks ago and it's killing me. We broke it off about 2 months ago, then briefly got back together before we realised nothing had changed. We'...

A.   16 November 2017: He regrets rekindling your relationship, hence his avoidance of you. But he may not be worth YOUR time. The guy shouldn't be literally running away from you at the end of class after you've had a two-year relationship...a guy with class would at ... (read in full...)

Does she really love me like I love her?

Q.   I just recently found out that my wife, I'm a lesbian, only watches straight porn. I'm questioning a lot now, not so much about how I feel about her but if I could ever truly make her happy or if I have ever truly satisfied her. She's brought it u...

A.   16 November 2017: I have learned from several sources that some lesbians watch gay male porn. This may sound crazy but I just Googled it and there are over 4 million links! I can't imagine that the lesbian viewers would actually want to engage with these men. More ... (read in full...)

Should I risk involvement when he might travel abroad?

Q.   I am dating a guy, we have been conversing for a good few weeks now. He seems very interested and we get on really well. He recently told me however that he is planning on going abroad to live with his friend next year. When he said this he s...

A.   14 November 2017: Given that you have been dating only "a good few weeks," he likely had planned this trip and perhaps made promises to his friend prior to dating you. I understand you're hesitation in investing in this relationship. However, your mom is right. ... (read in full...)

Walked into an awkward love triangle

Q.   Hi, for the last 6 months or so I have liked one of the men (call him Tim) from my workplace. He is one of quite a few men and women that are in our lunch group and we all go out for drinks and things like that fairly often. He has been in a co...

A.   12 November 2017: It's almost like you've left something out, that being why Mary would think that you have any romantic relationship with Tim or any other kind of exclusivity going on that would preclude her from having more than just a platonic friendship with him. ... (read in full...)

I've worshipped this girl since I was 16! Do I tell her?

Q.   Basically, I've reconnected with a girl I had a relationship with in school. I was 16, she was 15 and we went out for about a year. She was my first love and in the end we mutually broke up for a number of reasons but it was not on bad or bitter ...

A.   9 November 2017: She has a history of scaring away, so I would not pour out your feelings at this point. She obviously enjoys being with you and is saying all the right things. Ask her out with increasing frequency, being careful not to smother her. You need to ... (read in full...)

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