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*een there Now over it

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*een there Now over it's profile:

At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same.

I am a fiction (video) and non-fiction (books) writer. Several years ago I started perusing Dear Cupid for story and character ideas for my fictional stuff. On November 10, 2015, I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7, for the next month. I was here at home and continued to browse Dear Cupid, and finally decided to post some answers. I am giving what I hope is helpful Dear Cupid advice for any situations where I feel I may be of some help. I read most of the Questions but answer only a minority of them. If I don't answer a question, it is either because 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the Question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.

My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." I read that in 'The Week' magazine and I'm so often reminded of it. I don't know who came up with that.

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Was I out of line and is my boyfriend right in not trusting me?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. A few months ago I met a guy at work who I messaged after I left the job. He was quite flirty with me in this conversation but I didn't think it meant anything. About a month later he messaged...

A.   19 October 2017: You won't be able to regain his trust. This will be on him...it'll take either high-level stupidity or a case of total amnesia. You agreed to go out for a drink with a guy who'd been flirty with you but he knew you had a boyfriend, so you "tho... (read in full...)

My ex hasn't told me his wife is filing for divorce

Q.   I've been seeing ex for some time. Yes, I know it's wrong it's a long story. anyway, his now wife is filing for divorce but he hasn't told me. heard from mutual friend. why would he not mention this?...

A.   17 October 2017: Perhaps it is for some other unrelated reason he doesn't want you to be aware of. Or, maybe he's been cheating on his wife and you with yet another woman, or at least has his eye on someone else. Whatever the case, this situation suggests that he ... (read in full...)

Men don't see me as dating material - why?

Q.   Hi, you know how people like to use the term "friendzone" in situations when girls only see guys as friends? Well, i'm the opposite. I'm a 25 yo girl and find that most guys see me as a buddy or undateable. I've gone on dates with guys but nothing ...

A.   16 October 2017: Guys are highly visual, especially those around your age. Dress fresh, stylish and sexy. Keep yourself well groomed and made up. Research hair styles and perhaps get some consultation on which ones are best for you. Women have so many ways of ... (read in full...)

Have I blown my dream job with a wrong answer?

Q.   Hi I just applied for my dream job in an IT company and got invited for interview. Interview had 4 rounds and I cleared all of them. But after the rounds we had a small question answer round about the job. They asked me whether I'm okay with ni...

A.   16 October 2017: Follow-up with a communication (hopefully, a written one, evne if it is an IT company) telling them how excited you are regarding the position and enthusiastically giving them the reasons why. It most often takes a while for a company to make up ... (read in full...)

How soon is too soon to ask her out?

Q.   Ok I use to give this girl a lift to work and we got on really well and have so much in common. 2 weeks ago she split up with her boyfriend and has moved so I longer have to give her a lift. At work we have been speaking a lot more since she has ...

A.   10 October 2017: It is never good to date a co-worker. I'm sure you know that. But your hormones are probably running high and it doesn't sound like you have enough game to find somebody outside work. So, just a couple of things: You've already been giving her ... (read in full...)

Is this a positive sign or is she just being nice?

Q.   My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I had been working on the things she didnt like about me and I sent her an email updating her on how I have been changing i.e getting better and that I love her and hopefully in future we might cross ...

A.   5 October 2017: She didn't like having to break up with you and obviously wishes you well. However, she did break up with you. If she wanted things to resume she would have given you some hint in that regard, which she hasn't. I wouldn't contact her again unless ... (read in full...)

How do I politely ask that they donate my fee to charity?

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles, I have a somewhat boring question, but never the less I need some advice. How do I politely ask that the money I earned (which is not a lot) be given to a charity? I don't want to sound weird or arrogant... A friend o...

A.   4 October 2017: If you get a tax deduction for charitable contributions (which you do if you live in the USA), tell them that you believe so firmly in their mission that you are donating the money to their cause and only want a receipt for tax purposes. I don... (read in full...)

My boyfriend flirts with his employees and it's annoying me!

Q.   I've been exclusive with this guy for the last few weeks, its going OK but I get really jealous when he flirts with his employees (he runs a v popular Indian restaurant and has a lot of really pretty Indian girls working there). He moans at me...

A.   2 October 2017: His actions make more wonder what he says about you to his employees after you leave the restaurant, or what he says to other girls about this current girl he is dating (you), or what he tells his guy friends about you, or......... (read in full...)

I feel so guilty about leaving my abusive ex

Q.   Hi, I previously asked for advice regarding a relationship I was in for 3 years with a guy I lived with who was controlling and violent. It went on for a number of years and last December I cheated on him with a guy who had been keen on me for a wh...

A.   1 October 2017: You can't expect the guy from work to be giving you commitments at the three-month mark. Nor to introduce you as anything more than a "friend" or "girlfriend." Three months is way to quick to start talking about having a family... good for him! ... (read in full...)

How do I control these erections I get so easily?

Q.   Hello everyone! I've got sort of an awkward issue, and I'm going to try to make this brief. I get erections incredibly easily and it's starting to annoy me. Especially around my girlfriend. I'm a very physical person, it's how I show affection, ...

A.   30 September 2017: Wouldn't you love to have a girl who you discover "gets wet" whenever she just looks at your photo or gets your text? If and when she finds out, she'll love your reaction to her. As for controlling your reactions, about the only thing you can ... (read in full...)

He's starting a new job and I've begun to worry about it!

Q.   Hello everyone! My hubby has been unemployed for over a year. Last summer I encouraged him to apply for a good job I knew he wanted... and today we got the news that he got it and he starts on Monday!! Exciting, right? Well... I was excited at first ...

A.   30 September 2017: Men's egos and happiness are often wrapped around their careers and what financial contributions they make to their families. Now that he's working, he will likely be a happier person and will again have the opportunity (by being a bread winner) to ... (read in full...)

What are the best ways to make new friends?

Q.   Recently people have been complaining to me that it is difficult to make friends in the city I currently live in and that most people are either superficial or out for themselves. I agree that busy people with busy lives just dont have time for new ...

A.   30 September 2017: The city is not the problem. The people you are talking about have only themselves to blame. There are any number of charities and community groups that one can join. One needs to dedicate a few nights a week and their available time on weekends ... (read in full...)

We want different things in life ... should I just let it go?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now. I’m 20 and he’s 22 so we’re still pretty young and we don’t plan on getting married or having kids any time soon. Especially since we’ve only been together for 2 years. But we have com...

A.   29 September 2017: If you do persuade him into marriage and a family it will likely be with great resentment on his part. Marriages are difficult to hold together even if two people do have the same goals. In your case you have a guy who may very well dump you soon ... (read in full...)

If she wasn't interested why did she bother to text me?

Q.   Hello, Before I start I am a gay girl, 24 years old. So I went on a night out on Friday with a group of people, and got very drunk. We all ended hooking up with someone (everyone else is straight) and we went out until about 6am. The girl...

A.   27 September 2017: She has a partner and was drunk at the time. She didn't text you back because she sobered up and has a partner. Let her know that you'd like to hear from her if she ever becomes single.... (read in full...)

Unsure how to proceed I've fallen in love with my 2nd cousin

Q.   So long story short, I'm in love with my second cousin. I went to Lebanon earlier this year, and met this girl there. From first sight we both looked at each other and thought "wow". We got along like a house on fire, it really was scary how we...

A.   27 September 2017: The age difference and family relationship constitute two difficult problems. How long were you with her in Lebanon? You'd want at least several months (and hopefully more) of being together in order to make sure that your relationship would not ... (read in full...)

Why am I stuck with the girl that doesn't want to give but wants me to do all the work?

Q.   I been in relationship for 4 years. She was virgin before we met. I have high sex drive , she doesn’t. I tried to accommodate this by doing stuff in shower and not bothering her. Sometimes I ask her to go down, and she won’t put in effort, when she...

A.   27 September 2017: The critical question you must ask yourself is: Will she change and start desiring sex often enough to satisfy my appetite? It is that simple. Having a sexless relationship when you are horny is extremely stressful and just doesn't work. Unless ... (read in full...)

Can smells and tastes affect a perfect blissful courtship?

Q.   Im blessed with a beautiful and very loving, caring partner who im sure would do anything for me and I would for her as well. So when I have this seemingly silly problem, I do not know how to overcome. Her odors. She uses deo but it wears off either ...

A.   26 September 2017: She isn't going to change until she gets some input, and you are the person who is going to have to give it. It is time to communicate with her. You want to do it without hurting her feelings, of course, and that can be the difficult part. Softe... (read in full...)

Where's the sex gone?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have no sexual chemistry. None at all. Every time I bring up anything sexual it’s, ‘we don’t have the time’ or she acts like it’s vulgar and what I’m saying is disgusting - we went to New York recently on our first holiday ...

A.   23 September 2017: She once had a good sexual appetite but that is gone. Why? That's the fundamental question here. You've let her know that sex is important to you, now it is time for her to open up and let you know why she is no longer responding. Let her know ... (read in full...)

Is the guy I'm dating being a jerk?

Q.   I started dating this guy about a month ago and we've been on four dates so far.. We haven't gone all the way yet but have done some stuff in bed, as well as the usual things like cinema etc. TBF to him he does have his good points like he pays for ...

A.   23 September 2017: Hmmmm...I had to go to Webster to see exactly how a jerk is defined. Here's part of the definition: "an unlikable person; especially :one who is cruel, rude, or small-minded" I'll have to go against the other Aunts on this one and declare ... (read in full...)

What are your thoughts on surprising someone that hates surprises & is worried about money?

Q.   we've been Trying to conceive for over a year and a half now and both of us are self employed and super stressed out. So I decided that for my husbands birthday I would surprise him with a trip to the Netherlands to see this band that he loves! but ...

A.   22 September 2017: We don't know your husband but, from what you've said, there is no way I'd surprise him with a trip. He may love the band but he may very well not want to spend the money to see them live. Buying a house is a very strong desire for a lot of men ... (read in full...)

I want to marry my cousin's grand daughter.

Q.   My aunt has a son.That would make him and I first cousins. My first cousin has 3 daughters. Lets say the oldest girl is named Tasha.Lets go a bit further and say Tasha has 2 daughters.One name Mary and the other one named Sue.Is it wrong for me to ...

A.   19 September 2017: Has Sue shown any evidence that she is interested in marrying YOU? She treat you very kind, sweetly, and shower you with attention, but that certainly doesn't that she sees you as a romantic interest. For reasons mentioned below, I would rather ... (read in full...)

His teapot has his and his ex's names and wedding date on it! Is it appropriate to ask if I can replace it?

Q.   My partner of 18 months is divorced. At the time of his wedding to his ex-wife he received a personalised tea pot with their first names and wedding date printed on the side. It's a nice big pot and he uses it, but I quietly feel uncomfortable and ...

A.   19 September 2017: If he's a guy worth your time for the past 18 months he should be a guy who will understand your sensitivity to this memento. As for your question in regard to whether this makes you look jealous or insecure, all I can say is that most people in ... (read in full...)

How should I handle one of my biggest regrets and the depression it is causing me?

Q.   When I was in high school, I was so afraid of being bullied that I became a bully myself. I was a immature kid and the way I was thinking was completely wrong. About a year after I graduated, one of the kids that I bullied, Zach, died from ...

A.   18 September 2017: If he did this a year after graduation, you are probably a very small part of Zach's problems if a part at all. Kids who get bullied often get such treatment because they exhibit feelings of self inadequacy or a lack of self-respect. And bullies ... (read in full...)

The sex is just not working out. What are we doing wrong?

Q.   My boyfriend often complains that we don't have enough sex. But he doesn't initiate ot, or try to turn me on. The other day we were hugging in bed then he rolled over, saying that he had to because he was horny ... like, sex could've happened if he ...

A.   18 September 2017: You both have a tendency to approach the other for sex but often at a bad times. This isn't an unusual problem...none of us are always in the mood or have sufficient time. How about setting appointments for sex? This may not sound romantic but it ... (read in full...)

My ex came back into my life only to leave again!

Q.   He reached out to me after about 6 months of not speaking, during that time he was dating someone else. We ended up meeting up to talk, and we had great conversation. He apologized for things that wet wrong with us and opened up to me that "he just ...

A.   18 September 2017: He's a guy. At age 30-35 you should by now understand that most guys will have sex with you if you give them the opportunity. You should understand that he probably told the other girl that you were the worst relationship he's ever had. You ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend won't speak to me. What did I do wrong?

Q.   I'm with my current boyfriend for about 2 years and yest was hia bday. He thinks bdays are overrated, but I still got him gift card and since he didn't want cake, got him a small cake and went to see him. I was hungry by the time I reached his ...

A.   18 September 2017: If there's one day you should be able to do what you want, it is your birthday. It is a bummer to have a birthday and then have someone demand that you spend it how they think you should spend it, even though it is contrary to how you want to spend ... (read in full...)

How to get off on the right foot with his parents?

Q.   Hello! I hope you're doing well today. I met someone new and so did his sibling. He is 30, sibling is 28. It's been on 4 occasions that their parents cater to the sibling's new paramour in my opinion. They initiate conversation with them more than ...

A.   6 September 2017: You will not look snobbish If you are quiet but listen and appear as though you are attentive and interested in their conversation. Don't try to make conversation just for the sake of participation. It will likely seem forced, insincere and lack... (read in full...)

How do I explain my decision to skip the reunion without bad mouthing the Dean?

Q.   When I was in high school (a Catholic school), the Dean of Men was one of the worst people I ever known. He played favorites (if you were one of his favorites, you would never be in trouble no matter what you did but if you were not his favorite, ...

A.   5 September 2017: That's a lot of resentment you've built up and long time to let if fester. People handle these things differently. I'd go and hope to have some words of peace with him so that you might free yourself of your anger. People change over 20 years, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't hug me as often as I'd like

Q.   I've been living with my bf for 4 months now, only got 2 hugs from him cause I had to sneak them but he said I'm too needy. He says he loves me but I'm too embarrassed to ask to cuddle with him. sometimes a girl needs to be held to feel better. ...

A.   3 September 2017: I am not for forcing him into giving you hugs. If they don't come naturally they don't mean much, probably don't feel like much, and will dwindle over time. You need to evaluate this relationship...where would it go over the long term? This ... (read in full...)

I told him 10pm was too late for dinner and now he won't speak to me

Q.   Dear Cupid; I met a man on-line, he asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant/bar at 9:00, he then changed the time to 9:15. I texted him when I got there never got a reply. I waited for 15 minutes and as I was getting ready to leave when he ...

A.   3 September 2017: A very strange character you've crossed paths with. Being late - especially on a first date - is not good but doing so without an apology or even excuse takes this to a whole new level...one of being very boorish. Then, going to a restaura... (read in full...)

I'm made to feel like a social pariah because I've chosen not to have children

Q.   Dear all, I am a 37 year old woman with a great job and an even greater husband. I have my own house, I travel a lot and I love my life. I live and work in a ver small and narrow-minded community which makes me feel like a pariah because I don't ...

A.   2 September 2017: I grew up with a brother three years older who was a very difficult child. He got kicked out of 1st grade and things went downhill from there. He was pretty much jobless or dealt drugs during his adult life, passing away from cancer at age 55. My ... (read in full...)

Can anyone explain why I have this dream?

Q.   I am a mid 20s female and I'm trying to find out the meaning to a dream I have had twice. In my dreams I'm myself and I'm making out with a female (not the same person both times) I know but aren't close with in my wake life. Then the making out ...

A.   1 September 2017: When you wake up do you find this erotic and pleasurable? Or are you disgusted by it? In other words, is it something you'd really like to do? Figuring that out will help in analyzing this dream.... (read in full...)

Was this a missed financial opportunity and should I have consulted with my boyfriend?

Q.   I'd like opinions from everyone about communication and responsibility within a relationship. To briefly summarize, my boyfriend and I live in my childhood home. We get by w/ our jobs and friends/tenants helping out on the monthly expenses. B/c my ...

A.   1 September 2017: Unfortunately, the USA has become a swamp for litigious opportunity. Your BF wasn't the one who suffered in this accident but he is the one who wants to capitalize on it. It was your accident, it is your choice as to how to handle it. I might be ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to ask for a date from him of when he will abandon the search for the dream and work to support our everyday?

Q.   Am I being too negative to consider a possible and positive future? Or is my gut's screaming correct? My boyfriend and I were recently laid off from our job, we're still working but our last day is approaching and then we will receive our ...

A.   1 September 2017: We've all had jobs we've hated. But it is something you do when you have bills and no other choices. As you suggest, your BF is not terribly marketable with his limited employment experience. I don't know how realistic it is to become a ... (read in full...)

Need help rejecting someone

Q.   Hello! I need help rejecting a married man who is signaling that he wants to sleep with me. I am requesting mature and tactful answers as this person is in management at my employer. I innocently the first time and probably foolishly the second ...

A.   31 August 2017: I agree with what's been said. In addition, I would document (in writing) what and when, being as specific as possible. You may need this in the future as someone like this may try to get you fired after being rejected. If he pays for anything ... (read in full...)

Why 2 days later does my husband go off on me about something I said while drunk?

Q.   I got too drunk on Saturday night - it happens only occasionally. I said something embarassing about my husband to his friend (who was also too drunk to remember). My husband brought it up - but told me it is ok - his friend probably didn't hear and ...

A.   29 August 2017: Show him you love him by completely quitting booze. Not another drop. It'll make you a better person and give you a better relationship. He certainly doesn't want you to take another drop of it. Show him you care and want to be a better person.... (read in full...)

I'm wondering if my b/f is into men. What are some signs to look for?

Q.   What are some of the signs that a guy is gay or likes men on the down low? I caught my bfs watching shemale porn. I looked into it and found the mostly straight guys watch that type of porn. He also has a friend who is gay, he said that he didn't ...

A.   29 August 2017: He isn't asexual if he watches porn of any sort. I think shemale porn could be interesting to either straight or gay guys. But it is interesting that he is horny enough to watch porn but not be interested in having sex with you. The situation ... (read in full...)

My friend drunkenly ranted into my voicemail. Do I call him or wait for him to contact me?

Q.   So last night I was sat alone minding my own business when I received two phone calls , both left voicemails from a good friend of mine. He has helped me through a lot of relationship problems, he has made it clear he fancies me but he knows th...

A.   28 August 2017: While you've informed him that you want to be just friends, he obviously is not happy with that arrangement. Like most people would, he was putting up a facade, not wanting to alienate you by exposing his feelings for you. That facade disappeared ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says my friends took advantage of me.

Q.   Hello Everyone! Just wanted some insight on this situation. Last night, my boyfriend and I had friends over (my friend and his girlfriend) to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. I cooked a lot more than my boyfriend thought I should have but ...

A.   28 August 2017: We don't know why your friends left but there are plenty of reasons other than them not liking your company or being rude (did they mention why they left?). It would be nice had they stayed to help clean up but they are not obligated to do so. ... (read in full...)

Anal sex embarrassment!

Q.   I had anal sex last night and thought I was clean, when he went really deep I had a big accident and it literally went everywhere was so embarrassing my boyfriend was really good about it we had a shower and he has just shrugged it off but I am so ...

A.   28 August 2017: If you want to avoid another such episode, don't eat that day (prior to sex) and use and enema just before sex. Allumeuse is right in that's what porn actresses do. If that's too much, try a pad between you and the sheets. ... (read in full...)

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