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*een there Now over it

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*een there Now over it's profile:

At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same.

I am a fiction (video) and non-fiction (books) writer. Several years ago I started perusing Dear Cupid for story and character ideas for my fictional stuff. On November 10, 2015, I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7, for the next month. I was here at home and continued to browse Dear Cupid, and finally decided to post some answers. I am giving what I hope is helpful Dear Cupid advice for any situations where I feel I may be of some help. I read most of the Questions but answer only a minority of them. If I don't answer a question, it is either because 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the Question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.

My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." I read that in 'The Week' magazine and I'm so often reminded of it. I don't know who came up with that.

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I've been snooping and finding messages my boyfriend has sent to people on Craigslist

Q.   Hi everyone My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years dating for 3. This summer we moved to a new town for his work. He really hated the job but had to do it to move up. One week, our sex life was amazing, he was tired but came h...

A.   20 August 2017: He is deep enough into this stuff that you can't expect him to change. I don't buy the "just flirting on-line" excuse. Had someone come onto him he probably would have jumped at the chance. You have quite a bit invested in this guy and I'd like ... (read in full...)

Should I invite my estranged dad?

Q.   Hey Guys! I'm engaged and am due to have a small intimate wedding in January. My issue is that I don’t want to invite my dad. My dad and I don't have a relationship whats-so-ever. My mom passed away when I was 1 1/2 and didn't step up to take care ...

A.   20 August 2017: Your other family members know the situation and will respect you more if you don't invite him. And they should certainly understand. He probably doesn't want to come to your wedding, anyway, and would probably be a cloud over the event for you. ... (read in full...)

My friend's son seems to have a crush on me

Q.   Hi there, so I have a problem that I myself don't have a solution to. I recently went to live with my friend who's older then me. She's nearly 50 and I'm 21. She was really close friends with my mum when I was little and we recently reconnected when ...

A.   20 August 2017: Can you move out of there? I don't know the laws in Great Britain but the laws and penalties here in the USA are very, very harsh when it comes to sexual contact with a 16-year-old. I understand that you are not having sex with him or encouraging ... (read in full...)

I'm OK with just sex. Should that be a problem?

Q.   Commitment issues with no commitment? I met this great guy, neither of us are looking for a long-term commitment and we have great chemistry and amazing sex and we have had open talks about it not being a serious thing. BUT he seems to always freak ...

A.   14 August 2017: As long as your are taking precautions against pregnancy and disease, I am fine with your FWB relationship. But I don't understand this guy telling you that he needs to "pull back." Hey, it's a FWB deal for god's sake...what's this bunk about he ... (read in full...)

What will my boyfriend think of me that I don't have many friends?

Q.   I am in a relationship and we have been together about three months. I feel a little bit insecure about the fact that i don't really have close female friends in the area (i work on my own, self employed) and where i live, i simply go to work, come ...

A.   13 August 2017: There's nothing wrong with not having a lot of friends, especially if you are focused on raising your child. I have a nice home that I've set up so I can pursue my many interests. It is difficult to pry me away from here. Sometimes I feel like I ... (read in full...)

My best friend's boyfriend tells me he loves me.

Q.   So my best friend's boyfriend likes me and her and I like him as well. I feel horrible for liking him even though I liked him before they started going out. He says we should just wait even though he keeps telling me he loves me. I don't know what ...

A.   13 August 2017: If they break up and you start dating him, you will lose your best friend! And he'll have a designated back-up for when he messes things up with you. This guy is not worth it. I'm not for snitching, but if your friend is having sex with him I'd ... (read in full...)

How do I say no to my niece without destroying our relationship?

Q.   Great site with good advice. I thank all in advance who help me out here. My neice is an actor...kind of well known and I am looking forward to seeing her when I am in her part of the country at the end of August. I have sent her a few emails a...

A.   7 August 2017: You state they want money for camera equipment. Most people in this situation - doing a single film - will rent cameras. A Sony FX7 (camera body only, no lenses), which should be plenty good for an independent production, will run about $900 for ... (read in full...)

How do I say no to my niece without destroying our relationship?

Q.   Great site with good advice. I thank all in advance who help me out here. My neice is an actor...kind of well known and I am looking forward to seeing her when I am in her part of the country at the end of August. I have sent her a few emails a...

A.   7 August 2017: I work in Hollywood and can tell you that it is very, very rare for these films to make any money. Have they told you how it will be marketed? The world has made and is making so many movies and television content that it is difficult to come up ... (read in full...)

How do I say no to my niece without destroying our relationship?

Q.   Great site with good advice. I thank all in advance who help me out here. My neice is an actor...kind of well known and I am looking forward to seeing her when I am in her part of the country at the end of August. I have sent her a few emails a...

A.   7 August 2017: I work in Hollywood and can tell you that it is very, very rare for these films to make any money. Have they told you how it will be marketed? The world has made and is making so many movies and television content that it is difficult to come up ... (read in full...)

Why does my husband of 4 months look at me with disgust?

Q.   My husband doesn't tell me I'm beautiful anymore. He yells at me. Demands things. And the hugest thing is he looks at me with disgust. The only person that matters the most to me. Seems to be overwhelmed with disgust whenever he sees me. I ...

A.   6 August 2017: This doesn't sound like he'll turn around and make things right. His actions are very loudly saying that he doesn't want to be married and - for whatever reason, we can't really tell from what little you've told us - resents you. But we do know ... (read in full...)

We bought a house together but feel my fiance is taking advantage of me financially

Q.   My finance and I bought a house together at the beginning of the year. I paid for the entire down payment out of my savings account, with the understanding that he will pay me back for his half. In addition, I also put 25K into our joint account to ...

A.   6 August 2017: From the sounds of him, you are not going to get any of the money you feel you are owed. And he certainly doesn't seem like marriage material. Most likely you will have to resolve this according to law. There are two very important document... (read in full...)

I can't deal with his passive aggressive behavior when I don't want sex

Q.   I met a guy, who is now my boyfriend, 3 months ago. He has made it clear he is really into me. I wasn't sure if I was atttacted to him enough, but he was lovely to me and we had a lot in common, so I went with it. I was very happy to fiND we worked ...

A.   18 July 2017: Do you see anyway that this could change into a satisfactory relationship? For longer than just a day or a week? I didn't think so. It is never too soon to leave a hopeless relationship. ... (read in full...)

Why has he not met me yet?

Q.   There's this guy I like.... so he keeps making plans to meet me then goes quiet for the before and day of. Why, does he not really like me? Does he really like me and is nervous? We seem to get on well over text and phone and social medi...

A.   17 July 2017: He is probably stringing several on-line women along. This is not uncommon for guys, who want to keep their choices abundant. But you're right...there could be other reasons. None of which are acceptable. If he is unable to meet you and should ... (read in full...)

Is there anything in this astrology thing?

Q.   Do any aunts and uncle believe in fortune teller? Are there any experience from aunts and uncle here? As a chinese, many of us believe in fortune teller and physic reading. But i was raised in an atheist family and not a believer of mystical thin...

A.   16 July 2017: If fortune tellers could really do such, they could play the stock market and make a lot more money than they do. Have you ever read or heard about any scientific studies of anyone having the abilities to foresee the future? I haven't. Anyone w... (read in full...)

I'm very uncomfortable around my colleague who has made advances at me. Did I deal with him in the right way?

Q.   An older male colleague made advances towards me in a (in my opinion) really creepy and passive aggressive way, half a year ago. I shut him down, almost got HR involved and we had a long frank discussion where I told him not to call me anymore, not ...

A.   14 July 2017: HR should have been made aware of this at the time, but I don't see them being able to do anything, at least at this point. As you requested, he's stopped hitting on you, and HR would probably tell you that he doesn't seem to be a threat and that ... (read in full...)

The love of my life just shamed my dressing style and said that I embarrassed him

Q.   The man I thought was the love of my life just informed me that when I visited him in his home town I embarrassed him because of my outfit because, he says , it was way too short I feel totally embarrassed . I'm in my 40s and somewhat chubby ...

A.   14 July 2017: It seems as though he has no issue with the way you dress when you are outside his hometown, just when you are among his friends and relatives. He is reacting not to you but to the expectations of those he's grown up with. They are obviously a ... (read in full...)

I cheated on my fiance and am looking at others because of the lack of sex in our relationship

Q.   Looking for advice... I'm marrying my fiancé next year whom I've been with for 9 years. We've had our ups and downs over the years and he's not had much time for me over the past couple of years as he's been studying on top of his full time job. Thi...

A.   14 July 2017: Dear Cupid is full of relationships with insufficient communication about sexual needs. What's the deepest conversation you've had with him about this topic, and how long ago was it? I don't like telling you this but it appears he has lost int... (read in full...)

How do I deal with creepy older men?

Q.   I live in a small rich town where there are a LOT of people in their 50s and 60s, I'm here because it's cheaper and nicer than the nearby city. I'm a female student in my 20s. I get hit on regularly by older guys (I'm talking the ones in the 50s ...

A.   10 July 2017: Most men will look to see whether the woman has a wedding ring before they flirt. Fake rings are very inexpensive at discount stores or on eBay. If your co-workers wonder how you got engaged so quickly, you can tell them the ring belonged to your ... (read in full...)

I went to the hospital for help and now my daughter's father doesn't want to return her to me

Q.   Admitted to the hospital to recieve help; my little girl's dad does not want to send her back home and has taken advantage of my vulnerable position by manipulating the circumstances in turning aggressive and provoking arguments. By creating an...

A.   28 June 2017: First, for what were you admitted to the hospital? If it was some sort of substance abuse or anything that might endanger your child, he probably has good reason.... (read in full...)

Is moving to a big city a good idea? or am I leaving a REALLY good life?

Q.   Hi all, Thank you for taking the time to read. I have a huge question. I am 29 yrs old, I have a finance degree, I live in a pretty good state (UTAH, USA), the economy is booming, the state is clean, safe. I rent a pretty cool apartment, I ...

A.   28 June 2017: Thanks for the additional information! Knowing that little bit more, I now support your move. After being born, growing up and finishing school in Montana, I immediately moved to the bright lights and big city of Los Angeles. It's turned out to ... (read in full...)

Caught him watching porn

Q.   I caught my husband watching father daughter porn twice now is this normal he denied it and got very upset....

A.   28 June 2017: There is a lot of father/daughter porn available. If producers are spending the money to make it in volume, it can't be too unusual for a man to have this fantasy. Hopefully, he wants to fantasize about it happening next door and not in your ... (read in full...)

He wants to record us having oral sex and then send it to a friend?

Q.   Been seeing a guy right, everything was great.. Until he asked me a few days ago to let him record himself giving me "oral" in the not so usual place..to send to his guy friend! Is this relationship between them normal? Do guys do this with their ...

A.   28 June 2017: The risk here is where this will be going. Once you are recorded having sex, it can go ANYWHERE! What happens if you break up with the guy and he wants to get back at you by shotgunning the clip of you giving him oral? Even if your boyfriend sends ... (read in full...)

Is moving to a big city a good idea? or am I leaving a REALLY good life?

Q.   Hi all, Thank you for taking the time to read. I have a huge question. I am 29 yrs old, I have a finance degree, I live in a pretty good state (UTAH, USA), the economy is booming, the state is clean, safe. I rent a pretty cool apartment, I ...

A.   27 June 2017: I'm a big proponent of having various chapters in your life and moving is a great way to do so. How much time have you spent in Miami? Why there? Having always lived around mountains, I don't care for the flat horizons in Florida. And it is ... (read in full...)

I want to seduce my sister's friend

Q.   My sister's friend has come to stay for a while for studying. The problem is that she beautiful. She is 24 and I am 18. I want to have sex with her when every one goes to work. The problem is that I am afraid to seduce her. What should I do to have ...

A.   27 June 2017: A woman age 24 is rarely interested in a guy 18, especially a younger brother of a friend that she visits. Let's say you try to seduce her and she rejects you. Then she'll probably quit coming to the house and tell your sister about this. And of ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend wants me to buy a cheap car instead of one I can actually afford

Q.   So I'm in a conundrum. My bf and I have been dating on/off for 5 years. We were friends for years first before dating. Currently, we disagree on a car, to understand the struggle, a lil history is needed. In the very beginning of our relationship...

A.   19 June 2017: Get a good car...first and foremost, one that is reliable and safe. And get it checked out by a pro. Repair bills on a car with 90,000 or more miles can bankrupt you. Past that, you should get a car that is comfortable and you like. Once ... (read in full...)

Girl friends 'very low sex drive' and says she never feels horny

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 and a half years now give or take and we had allot of sex in the beginning now in te last 6 months it has slowly been declining it's down to about once or twice a month now. I know she is not cheating on me ...

A.   18 June 2017: Was it really new and exciting for her in the beginning? Or is she just making that up and didn't really enjoy it then? If it was truly exciting, perhaps there is a way to make it exciting again. It seems as though she is very poor at communic... (read in full...)

Worried he will drop me if I don't go further

Q.   I am 14 and i have been in this relationship with this boy we have been dating for 3 months and i really like him. The thing is normally we would shift and kiss and all that but he said that he wants to top me this means to take off my shirt and ...

A.   15 June 2017: I agree with the others but just want to add that however far you go, he'll probably be bragging that to his best friends, and then they will tell their friends, and then they will........ (read in full...)

I didn't cheat so why do I have crabs and my husband?

Q.   I'm married I found crab louse on me I'm not Committing adultery my husband doesn't have any of those things on his body how can that be?...

A.   13 June 2017: There's quite a bit on the internet about this. Here's one of the first statements.... "Crabs: Slang for pubic lice, parasitic insects that can infest in the genital area of humans. Pubic lice are usually spread through sexual contact. Rarely, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has been mock hitting me

Q.   Hi, we've been in a relationship my boyfriend and I for 8 mth, we live together, he is a musician, gets hard for him to be talkative so I beleive he is not that skillful linguistically, and I understand the musician he is and how introvert he could ...

A.   10 June 2017: No ultimatum...get out now! All he needs to do is lose his temper a bit more than he has, and POW...you get a a strong hit, maybe several. He'll apologize, of course, but that isn't worth anything. I don't know of any guys who do this...it is ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for a virgin to contract a PID?

Q.   Hello, I'm in my thirties and I got married about two months ago and my wife is 27. My wife told me she's a virgin,that she didn't have sex in her previous relationships but I opened up to her that I've had sex before. On our first night, she...

A.   9 June 2017: As to your question as to whether a virgin can be infected with pelvic inflammatory disease, do a Google search for "pelvic inflammatory disease virgin." There are quite a few search results that address this question. I looked at a few results ... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't like blow jobs! Am I doing it wrong?

Q.   I know this may sound odd, but my husband hates blowjobs. We've been together 8 years now, married for 2 and it's always been the same since I've known him, he's never enjoyed me going down on him. I have only ever gave 1 guy a blowjob before h...

A.   9 June 2017: I don't particularly care for blow jobs, mostly because I want to see the woman in an equal role rather than a submissive role. Also, I would never want to take cum in my mouth. A lot of guys absolutely love blow jobs but I look at them as a sign ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to get upset with my boyfriend when he doesn't text me in the morning? He used to text me constantly.

Q.   Is it wrong that I get upset with my boyfriend when he doesnt text me in the morning? We've been together for nine months and he used to constantly text me, always send good morning and goodnight texts. We haven't been texting as much for the last...

A.   7 June 2017: Welcome to the natural progression of relationships. The screaming scorhies die down as the relationship matures and sometimes becomes better in other ways. That is especially true for guys. Women seem to have an easier time communicating love, at ... (read in full...)

Is my perfectionist boyfriend overly critical of my looks? Or am I oversensitive?

Q.   My bf used to think my looks were perfect. But he seems to put me down lately. Like he doesn't like a birth mark on my nose. I can't control that. He tells me that my body is perfect for a woman my age but that I am not 20 anymore. He sa...

A.   6 June 2017: Yes, to answer your question, he is insecure. Plus there are probably other underlying factors in his negativity. One thing is for sure...he is RUDE!!! Ask yourself: Can I put up with a person this rude for the rest of my life??? This would be a ... (read in full...)

He is so busy renovating properties that I feel we're missing out on quality time. How do I get through these challenges?

Q.   Dear Cupid, My boyfriend has three houses that he is renovating. And one house he is trying to sell. So four houses. Two are for renting out and the other is the house which he (and much of the time I) stay in. He says he wants to start talki...

A.   4 June 2017: It is difficult to envision someone this ambitious settling down. The more he becomes known in the community, the more opportunities will come his way. He is a workaholic. I am one, too, and we are driven to accomplish things. Sitting down and ... (read in full...)

I can't stop stalking my ex on social media and I can't get over the way that he dumped me mercilessly

Q.   I can't get over my ex and stalking him on social media; this is pathetic and I don't talk about it beside my therapists that doesn't approve my actions but here it is and I am hoping that someone might have some advice - my relationship with my ex ...

A.   31 May 2017: Start dating again...there is no better way to forget an old love than to get a new one. Of course there is some chance that you'll encounter another person who hurts you. Hey, we ALL face this situation. But you can't sit at home and find true ... (read in full...)

Should I talk to my co worker about our fling, or let it go?

Q.   Hey guys, need some work/relationship advice!! So I recently started working at my job a little over a month ago. One thing I love about this place is there are a lot of people my age and we're all motivated to work, but can still have a good time...

A.   31 May 2017: The other aunts have given you great insights and I'll add just one thing: He undoubtedly feels some added "workplace pressure" in regard to having a romance with you. He knows that no matter how and where your relationship develops, you will be ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is lying about porn again. what are my options?

Q.   Hi i've been in a relationship with my partner for a few years, the beginning was perfect great sex almost every day. He would always please me go down on me and stuff, compliments all the time he made me feel sexy and confident. we even watched...

A.   30 May 2017: Porn can be a very addicting thing for many men, and it has really bitten hard on your boyfriend. Most if not all men have a strong desire to have sex with I don't see him abstaining for more than short periods. He may make promises but he will ... (read in full...)

I found a phone he'd been using to text a woman for 4 years!

Q.   Hi I found a phone my husband had a few months ago he had been texting a woman for 4 years !! It was someone he had known 35 years ago and been out with a few times before he met me . He states that he thought they had slept together 35 years ago ...

A.   28 May 2017: I seriously doubt that he can be so confused about what's happened between him and this woman. That is reason for you to get out of this relationship. The second reason for you to leave is that he has treated you "so badly." If you haven'... (read in full...)

I fell in love with a part-time escort and not sure what to do now

Q.   Long read, please be patient. I am a working professional in my early 30’s and I've been living and working in Southeast Asia for the past 10 years. I live and work in a rather remote and industrial area and thus I've always found it diffic...

A.   28 May 2017: You know you are coming into this lonely and vulnerable. So you are right to be cautious. The first line of defense is to wear condoms! If she doesn't require condoms for all her men, get rid of her. Go to the next paragraph only if she does use ... (read in full...)

What purpose does it serve to have women's clothing that exposes so much skin?

Q.   Hey all, I have questions about women's fashion. This will probably make more sense to folks from the eastern part of the world. I'm sorry if this hurts sentiments but this is something I really do not understand. My city has changed a lot i...

A.   7 May 2017: Every woman - lets make that everyone - likes to look attractive and get some attention. It not only feels good emotionally but is a form of power. From a practicality standpoint, it is much more comfortable when the weather warms up. And fina... (read in full...)

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