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*een there Now over it

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*een there Now over it's profile:

At 64 yo I've been in a number of relationships and gone thru a lot of life's experiences. We all have rocky times in our lives but I have done my best with each instance and am the happiest and most successful person I know. I am upbeat and optimistic, and always try to make others feel the same.

I am a fiction (video) and non-fiction (books) writer. Several years ago I started perusing Dear Cupid for story and character ideas for my fictional stuff. On November 10, 2015, I had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff), which resulted in my left arm being tied to my side, 24/7, for the next month. I was here at home and continued to browse Dear Cupid, and finally decided to post some answers. I am giving what I hope is helpful Dear Cupid advice for any situations where I feel I may be of some help. I read most of the Questions but answer only a minority of them. If I don't answer a question, it is either because 1) I don't feel I have any good advice to give or add, or 2) the info provided in the Question isn't sufficient for me to make a judgement.

My favorite quote: "People tend to believe two things...what they want to believe and what scares the hell out of them." I read that in 'The Week' magazine and I'm so often reminded of it. I don't know who came up with that.

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My boyfriend wants me to buy a cheap car instead of one I can actually afford

Q.   So I'm in a conundrum. My bf and I have been dating on/off for 5 years. We were friends for years first before dating. Currently, we disagree on a car, to understand the struggle, a lil history is needed. In the very beginning of our relationship...

A.   19 June 2017: Get a good car...first and foremost, one that is reliable and safe. And get it checked out by a pro. Repair bills on a car with 90,000 or more miles can bankrupt you. Past that, you should get a car that is comfortable and you like. Once ... (read in full...)

Girl friends 'very low sex drive' and says she never feels horny

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been dating for 1 and a half years now give or take and we had allot of sex in the beginning now in te last 6 months it has slowly been declining it's down to about once or twice a month now. I know she is not cheating on me ...

A.   18 June 2017: Was it really new and exciting for her in the beginning? Or is she just making that up and didn't really enjoy it then? If it was truly exciting, perhaps there is a way to make it exciting again. It seems as though she is very poor at communic... (read in full...)

Worried he will drop me if I don't go further

Q.   I am 14 and i have been in this relationship with this boy we have been dating for 3 months and i really like him. The thing is normally we would shift and kiss and all that but he said that he wants to top me this means to take off my shirt and ...

A.   15 June 2017: I agree with the others but just want to add that however far you go, he'll probably be bragging that to his best friends, and then they will tell their friends, and then they will........ (read in full...)

I didn't cheat so why do I have crabs and my husband?

Q.   I'm married I found crab louse on me I'm not Committing adultery my husband doesn't have any of those things on his body how can that be?...

A.   13 June 2017: There's quite a bit on the internet about this. Here's one of the first statements.... "Crabs: Slang for pubic lice, parasitic insects that can infest in the genital area of humans. Pubic lice are usually spread through sexual contact. Rarely, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has been mock hitting me

Q.   Hi, we've been in a relationship my boyfriend and I for 8 mth, we live together, he is a musician, gets hard for him to be talkative so I beleive he is not that skillful linguistically, and I understand the musician he is and how introvert he could ...

A.   10 June 2017: No ultimatum...get out now! All he needs to do is lose his temper a bit more than he has, and POW...you get a a strong hit, maybe several. He'll apologize, of course, but that isn't worth anything. I don't know of any guys who do this...it is ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for a virgin to contract a PID?

Q.   Hello, I'm in my thirties and I got married about two months ago and my wife is 27. My wife told me she's a virgin,that she didn't have sex in her previous relationships but I opened up to her that I've had sex before. On our first night, she...

A.   9 June 2017: As to your question as to whether a virgin can be infected with pelvic inflammatory disease, do a Google search for "pelvic inflammatory disease virgin." There are quite a few search results that address this question. I looked at a few results ... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't like blow jobs! Am I doing it wrong?

Q.   I know this may sound odd, but my husband hates blowjobs. We've been together 8 years now, married for 2 and it's always been the same since I've known him, he's never enjoyed me going down on him. I have only ever gave 1 guy a blowjob before h...

A.   9 June 2017: I don't particularly care for blow jobs, mostly because I want to see the woman in an equal role rather than a submissive role. Also, I would never want to take cum in my mouth. A lot of guys absolutely love blow jobs but I look at them as a sign ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to get upset with my boyfriend when he doesn't text me in the morning? He used to text me constantly.

Q.   Is it wrong that I get upset with my boyfriend when he doesnt text me in the morning? We've been together for nine months and he used to constantly text me, always send good morning and goodnight texts. We haven't been texting as much for the last...

A.   7 June 2017: Welcome to the natural progression of relationships. The screaming scorhies die down as the relationship matures and sometimes becomes better in other ways. That is especially true for guys. Women seem to have an easier time communicating love, at ... (read in full...)

Is my perfectionist boyfriend overly critical of my looks? Or am I oversensitive?

Q.   My bf used to think my looks were perfect. But he seems to put me down lately. Like he doesn't like a birth mark on my nose. I can't control that. He tells me that my body is perfect for a woman my age but that I am not 20 anymore. He sa...

A.   6 June 2017: Yes, to answer your question, he is insecure. Plus there are probably other underlying factors in his negativity. One thing is for sure...he is RUDE!!! Ask yourself: Can I put up with a person this rude for the rest of my life??? This would be a ... (read in full...)

He is so busy renovating properties that I feel we're missing out on quality time. How do I get through these challenges?

Q.   Dear Cupid, My boyfriend has three houses that he is renovating. And one house he is trying to sell. So four houses. Two are for renting out and the other is the house which he (and much of the time I) stay in. He says he wants to start talki...

A.   4 June 2017: It is difficult to envision someone this ambitious settling down. The more he becomes known in the community, the more opportunities will come his way. He is a workaholic. I am one, too, and we are driven to accomplish things. Sitting down and ... (read in full...)

I can't stop stalking my ex on social media and I can't get over the way that he dumped me mercilessly

Q.   I can't get over my ex and stalking him on social media; this is pathetic and I don't talk about it beside my therapists that doesn't approve my actions but here it is and I am hoping that someone might have some advice - my relationship with my ex ...

A.   31 May 2017: Start dating again...there is no better way to forget an old love than to get a new one. Of course there is some chance that you'll encounter another person who hurts you. Hey, we ALL face this situation. But you can't sit at home and find true ... (read in full...)

Should I talk to my co worker about our fling, or let it go?

Q.   Hey guys, need some work/relationship advice!! So I recently started working at my job a little over a month ago. One thing I love about this place is there are a lot of people my age and we're all motivated to work, but can still have a good time...

A.   31 May 2017: The other aunts have given you great insights and I'll add just one thing: He undoubtedly feels some added "workplace pressure" in regard to having a romance with you. He knows that no matter how and where your relationship develops, you will be ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is lying about porn again. what are my options?

Q.   Hi i've been in a relationship with my partner for a few years, the beginning was perfect great sex almost every day. He would always please me go down on me and stuff, compliments all the time he made me feel sexy and confident. we even watched...

A.   30 May 2017: Porn can be a very addicting thing for many men, and it has really bitten hard on your boyfriend. Most if not all men have a strong desire to have sex with I don't see him abstaining for more than short periods. He may make promises but he will ... (read in full...)

I found a phone he'd been using to text a woman for 4 years!

Q.   Hi I found a phone my husband had a few months ago he had been texting a woman for 4 years !! It was someone he had known 35 years ago and been out with a few times before he met me . He states that he thought they had slept together 35 years ago ...

A.   28 May 2017: I seriously doubt that he can be so confused about what's happened between him and this woman. That is reason for you to get out of this relationship. The second reason for you to leave is that he has treated you "so badly." If you haven'... (read in full...)

I fell in love with a part-time escort and not sure what to do now

Q.   Long read, please be patient. I am a working professional in my early 30’s and I've been living and working in Southeast Asia for the past 10 years. I live and work in a rather remote and industrial area and thus I've always found it diffic...

A.   28 May 2017: You know you are coming into this lonely and vulnerable. So you are right to be cautious. The first line of defense is to wear condoms! If she doesn't require condoms for all her men, get rid of her. Go to the next paragraph only if she does use ... (read in full...)

What purpose does it serve to have women's clothing that exposes so much skin?

Q.   Hey all, I have questions about women's fashion. This will probably make more sense to folks from the eastern part of the world. I'm sorry if this hurts sentiments but this is something I really do not understand. My city has changed a lot i...

A.   7 May 2017: Every woman - lets make that everyone - likes to look attractive and get some attention. It not only feels good emotionally but is a form of power. From a practicality standpoint, it is much more comfortable when the weather warms up. And fina... (read in full...)

I can't be what my LDR boyfriend wants me to be!

Q.   My ldr watches porn stars mistress who dominate men . When we talk sexy I am extremely self conscious. It's simply not in my nature to be anything like that . That's not how I am as a person but I know that's what really floats his boat . I have...

A.   5 May 2017: You and your LDR friend are - very simply put - sexually incompatible. In your heart, you'll never change into the kind of woman he is looking for. And his desires for this kind of woman are not going to change. If you start faking this, your ... (read in full...)

My husband is almost forcing me to have sex with my lesbian neighbor

Q.   Hi, my husband has recently come home after a month away and suddenly started wanting me to have sex with my lesbian next door neighbour, he doesn't want to watch or be involved at all. We have known she has a crush on me for a long time and given ...

A.   5 May 2017: It sounds like just the thought of it turns him on. Do you have a gay male friend? Ask your husband how he'd like to have sex with that man. Or you could tell him that you'll think about it if he has sex with this man. Guys who are totally ... (read in full...)

Is it too late to change careers?

Q.   Not sure if this is the usual question on here but I would love advice. I work in finance, managing retirement funds. I have been in the industry for over 10 years and have been good at it. Lately I have felt incapable of making decisions follow...

A.   29 April 2017: It sounds like you are a really good guy and possibly oversensitive to having a few recent bumps in the road in regard to your clients. I would be the same way...unhappy if I caused my clients any financial harm. However, if you've just been made ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has a fetish for my work clothes, is that weird?

Q.   My boyfriend has a fetish for my work clothes, is that weird? I work in an office and wear skirts and blouses on a daily basis. When I first started dating him he said he loved what I was wearing but recently it seems to have got even more intens...

A.   29 April 2017: This is interesting in that it gives you a lot of sexual power in this relationship. You can dress in something that he especially likes when you really want to have sex. And it is a great way for you to keep his interest...he'll be there for the ... (read in full...)

How would men feel if they joked about something sexual and their partner said yes?

Q.   Before I start, let me just say, I am not a woman of the world. I didn't lose my virginity until my wedding night, aged 24. Me and my husband have been married 12 years now and are still very much in love. The problem is our sex life. It is very ...

A.   29 April 2017: I can't imagine he is joking unless it is something completely outlandish. He feels the same way about your sex life and, like you, would like to become adventurous. What we have here is a major failure to communicate! He doesn't want to make you ... (read in full...)

Why do girls do things that make them unapproachable and rude?

Q.   Why do girls always have to be glued to each other or have their noses in their phones or in a book? Don't they realize that makes them unapproachable and that it's just plain rude? Also, they do the same things on dates too and act rudely just to ...

A.   20 April 2017: As a man, nearly every time I've been approached by a woman, it is someone I'm not interested in, and I feel really uncomfortable about it. I don't know how women put up with being approached by anyone who chooses to do so. As such, I can ... (read in full...)

My husband lies about watching porn and masturbating

Q.   My husband lies about watching porn and masturbating. I know he does this to avoid an argument, and I don't really mind his porn usage - I just don't want him to be lying to me. However we had a massive argument a couple of weeks ago - it came up...

A.   20 April 2017: I don't think you're any less secure than most women would be when their husbands watch porn, don't fulfill their wife's needs, and then the husband lies in denial to her. Nearly all men automatically feel guilt and shame when watching porn beh... (read in full...)

I have my ex husband's last name. My current boyfriend wants me to change back to my maiden name. Should I?

Q.   My boyfriend does not like that I have kept the surname of my ex husband. It is just easier as my child's last name would be the same as mine. My boyfriend said it does not matter if my child's last name is different from his mother. I ...

A.   15 April 2017: Also, I forgot to add that I would give your child a larger vote in this than I would give your boyfriend.... (read in full...)

I have my ex husband's last name. My current boyfriend wants me to change back to my maiden name. Should I?

Q.   My boyfriend does not like that I have kept the surname of my ex husband. It is just easier as my child's last name would be the same as mine. My boyfriend said it does not matter if my child's last name is different from his mother. I ...

A.   15 April 2017: Has your child had a say in this? I have to think that a lot of children would be much more comfortable with mom having their own last name, not having to explain why mom changed her name to something else. Does your boyfriend know the work you... (read in full...)

I grew up with lots of sisters but I'm still nervous around girls

Q.   I grew up with 4 sisters, two older by a few years, and twin younger sisters a year younger than me. All my sisters are very pretty and get lots of attention from guys. However, I've always been very introverted, and socially awkward, and hav...

A.   9 April 2017: If your own sisters tell you are awkward to be around...you are definitely awkward for women to be around! Have you asked your sisters how you might make them more comfortable with you and how you might better approach girls? Do you have guy frie... (read in full...)

I want to confront this guy. Should I do this? Or should I just let sleeping dogs lie?

Q.   I have been with my wife approaching 14 years now and married for three. Four years ago my wife confessed to me that she had kissed another man that delivers to her work. She said she felt terrible about it immediately after, she quit her job and...

A.   9 April 2017: WiseOwlE is right...what you are proposing is ridiculous and you'd look like a fool to everyone including your wife. I doubt this guy would have kissed your wife if she hadn't been flirting with him in the first place. And why would you want t... (read in full...)

My sex drive has been ruined. I don't even enjoy masturbating? How can I ever feel comfortable having sex?

Q.   Please help! Any advice would be appreciated. So I've been in a long-term relationship with my fella for a few years now, but in that time we haven't had sex and we are both virgins. I would like to point out here that this is my fault, we tried ...

A.   9 April 2017: Have you tried vaginal dilators? You can even find them on Amazon. They are a nested set with the smallest one not much bigger than a finger, allowing you to take baby steps. But first, I would go to another doctor. Ask to talk with him or h... (read in full...)

Why show the picture, to show me she looked like that porn star?

Q.   Why would my guy show me a picture of a porn star and say, "before I knew you, a woman who looked exactly like this asked me out" ? Is he trying to make me feel insecure or point out that, "hey look I can get a woman sexier than you" ? What's hi...

A.   9 April 2017: He's the one who is insecure. He needs to puff himself up by letting you know that he could be going out with an attractive woman who is as hot as a porn star. And you're supposed to think that's a big deal and do everything you can to keep him. ... (read in full...)

Should I try online dating?

Q.   As a male virgin who's never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and never had a girlfriend, I've been thinking a lot lately about trying online dating. I've never been competent at approaching women, it always results in rejection. In the pa...

A.   29 March 2017: There's plenty said below about losing weight...I agree with them but can't add too much to the advice already given on that topic. But you do want a nice set of clothes, too. Something stylish and that fits well. When it comes to courting the ... (read in full...)

Should I ask him if there is a medical problem for the lack of sex?

Q.   Hi Guys, To you think my guy suffers from fertile dysfunction. Been seeing this guy for about 4 months, we have only had sex a few times as we didn't want it to only be about sex. Anyway we have sex it's great then the next morning he can't...

A.   27 March 2017: Olderthandirt noted this but it is really important and needs repeating: There is very much an environmental pressure on guys to be great in bed. Added to that is any pressure that comes from within a relationship. And once a guy thinks you look ... (read in full...)

Her past bothers me, though I do like our sex life!

Q.   Hey guys, I've been dating a girl for a few months and it's going really great, but her past has come up more than a few times (mainly by me) her lifestyle bothers me a bit she's 22 and loves to club. Has had 12 sexual partners her last dude wa...

A.   24 March 2017: They way you've described her, I wouldn't walk from this girl. Everything is perfect except for her sexual past. Relationships with this kind of chemistry are difficult to find. You don't indicate whether your quarrel with her past is due to m... (read in full...)

My boyfriend does not like my ex husband doing my laundry!

Q.   My boyfriend does not like my ex husband doing my laundry. He called my ex a saint for doing it and said he must care about me to do it still. Like there is an emotional connection and he feels I should finish with the relationship entirely. But the ...

A.   23 March 2017: Your boyfriend is being very childish about this, especially at his age (assuming he is around your stated age). Your ex was certainly exposed to your laundry when you were together, and he is the father to the child who is generating some of the ... (read in full...)

Married five months and husband wants me to have an abortion.

Q.   I've recently got married to my husband. We are very happy, and I have never felt more secure in all my life. We agreed to wait a few years before having children, and to focus on renovating our house which we brought before Christmas. We'll on ...

A.   23 March 2017: At this point you both need to share heart-to-heart communication. It needs to be done very soon, and in a situation that minimizes stress, anger and runaway emotions. Do you fully understand his reluctance against having a child at this point in... (read in full...)

I just don't want sex. What can I do about it?

Q.   Hi Please help me. I have been with my partner for eight years. But over the last few years and particularly this year I have lost all interest in sex. I do have a hormone disorder and suffer frequent cystitis so I know that this probably contrib...

A.   23 March 2017: I've just Googled "woman not interested in sex", and 43 million links came up. So there is plenty written about this. In reviewing a few of the links, various explanations are given. You should look at a few of these links and see whether you can ... (read in full...)

Whose last name do I give to my baby?

Q.   My mom thinks I should give the baby the fathers last name but I don't think I should because I'm not married to him and he isn't in the picture. Won't that be an issue at school for my son and wherever I take him, if we have different last nam...

A.   23 March 2017: It sounds like the father is very uncaring and wants to avoid any responsibilities for the child. I certainly would not give the child the name of this loser, which would only serve to continually remind you of him and also make the child ... (read in full...)

Is he scamming me?

Q.   Hi and thank you for your advice I met a male online approximately two months ago. He is very charming. We've talked daily. He tells me his wife died in an accident and he doesn't communicate with his family and he has one son who stays wit...

A.   19 March 2017: Yes, this certainly sounds like a scam job. But I wouldn't just cut him off. Canadian Special Ops should really know about this, so report him. They will probably want his on-line contact info, and you'll give it to them. Here in the USA, it ... (read in full...)

Does a man call a woman a bad word because of how he sees her physically?

Q.   Do men call women wh..res because they think they are ugly ? Is it because it's thought a woman is not attractive enough to be appealing enough for a man to want to date and marry that she would have to sell herself sexually in order to survive ...

A.   11 March 2017: I've heard men use that term and it is usually in a wholesale fashion. To listen to them, every woman is a wh..re, and they all want sex with her but meaningless sex. Some of them find relationships and then all women except for theirs is a ... (read in full...)

Fun with cyber sex? Or more?

Q.   I met this guy through a dating app and we clicked! We spoke for a few days on that app. At that moment, I was still getting over a tough breakup for me. I hadn't exchanged numbers with this guy yet. One day, don't know what got into me then but I ...

A.   11 March 2017: I would suggest not having cybersex but that horse is now out of the barn. I do like your history with him. If he was a serial internet sex-seeker he would have propositioned you within a few conversations and, after your refusals, would ha... (read in full...)

Are men interested in a women in her 50's? Or do they always chose the younger ladies?

Q.   Are there many men actually interested in a relationship with an attractive woman in her 50s or will they always choose a younger woman if given the chance . It seems for sex an older woman is still often chosen if attractive especially by you get ...

A.   11 March 2017: This question probably goes back to the beginning of mankind but I doubt that that any quality research has been done on this subject. So I'll just answer based on my own tastes and those of probably 50 guy friends who have touched on this subject ... (read in full...)

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