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Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip

This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

17 January 2016: If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...

1234567891011Next > [16 pages, 599 answers]

Can you stay friends after having a one night stand?

Q.   About a month ago, I met a guy on a dating site. We would talk from night to morning every day. I kind of like him, but he rarely talked about himself. I was curious about him; therefore, I checked on him on Facebook and found out that he has a ...

A.   20 July 2017: In general, no, you don't have sex with your friends. People you have had sex with are not your friend anymore, they are other thing (you name it). If you regard someone as your friend that implies that you haven't had sex with him. In your cas... (read in full...)

He's asking about people I've slept within the past 2 years!

Q.   I've recently got into a relationship with a guy i've been seeing on and off for a long time. We've only been together a couple of months officially but he's began to ask about people i've slept with over the past two years. He's quite insecure as ...

A.   9 July 2017: Honestly, the fact that this isn't relevant to you doesn't matter, since it's obviously relevant to him. I'd say that his obsession with your sexual past comes with the package. If you want to take this guy you have to accept this fact. You can't ... (read in full...)

I am much less experienced sexually and it bothers me.

Q.   I am a lot less experienced sexually than my girlfriend. She has had atleast 13 past sexual partners aswell as a long term boyfriend. Unfortunately her efforts to try and be open and honest about her sexual past (which I respect her for) led to me ...

A.   9 July 2017: The number of guys she's slept with seems to be pretty high. Since you don't have any experience I'd say that certainly most of those guys were better in bed. Since experience is key for that. But that doesn't mean you are less that them. Shou... (read in full...)

Does love happen when u stop looking for it?

Q.   Has anyone had bad luck left and right in dating - I feel like I'm at my end of trying that I just don't know if there is such a thing if the universe aligning u with someone - I've tried online- abstinence - a one night stand - a relationship and ...

A.   9 July 2017: I constantly see women in your situation. And what I see in those cases (not sure about you) is they keep dating good looking, attractive, outspoken men. Sadly those guys are usually players. Do yourself this question: is the kind of guy I'm looking ... (read in full...)

My friend seems keen for me to have sex with his wife

Q.   I am single guy....... A friend of mine and his wife who I have both known for years,went over my apartment last night, after drinking at a local bar,and we ended up having a threesome, after he encouraged her... afterwards it was a little...

A.   9 July 2017: A relationship between two people is usually complicated. What about a three people relationship? Yes, common sense says this is going to end bad. Most probably your friend is going to get insecure about himself, if he can't perform while you keep... (read in full...)

Am I foolish to forgive my girlfriend for cheating?

Q.   In January I found out that I'd been offered a promotion at work. A fantastic opportunity to change my life, but it involved 6 months living abroad. My girlfriend of 4 years didn't want me to go initially, but after talking things through she agreed ...

A.   9 July 2017: I agree with aunt honesty here. 99% of the time a couple doesn't work again after cheating. And by "doesn't work" I don't mean you can't be together. But it will never be the same. And it will never be even close to "the same". You won't be able to ... (read in full...)

Am I foolish to forgive my girlfriend for cheating?

Q.   In January I found out that I'd been offered a promotion at work. A fantastic opportunity to change my life, but it involved 6 months living abroad. My girlfriend of 4 years didn't want me to go initially, but after talking things through she agreed ...

A.   28 June 2017: Looks like she let you go for having an excuse for finally having sex with your friend. Yes, staying with her would be stupid. You can dump her and then forgive her and move on.... (read in full...)

Recently diagnosed with HSV-1 and HSV-2, he tested himself and results were negative??

Q.   So I have a few concerns about my current situation. To begin, I was having low back pain for about 5 months and I finally decided to go to the doctor to try to get it checked and maybe some relief medication. While I was there my PCP also did ...

A.   18 June 2017: I'm not an expert at all, I just read that herpes type 2 is transmitted only by sexual intercourse. But I'm pretty sure a person can be infected with herpes for years before showing any symptoms. You could have been infected by a previous partner ... (read in full...)

How do I tell a good friend that I don't like him romantically?

Q.   So..I have a guyfriend whom I've known for over 5 years. He once told me in the past he liked me but I didnt feel the same way. I never did. He texted he likes me and wants a response. How should I say I don't like him romantically. He's a good ...

A.   18 June 2017: You say: "I don't like you romantically. I see you as a friend only" and you have to be ready to see him go. He won't stay as a friend, and if he does he's going to suffer a lot. You should allow that to happen.... (read in full...)

How do I tell my girlfriend that I'd like her to be my first sex partner?

Q.   I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now. I’m defiantly into her. We do a lot of fun things together. I have not had sex yet. She has told me that she has. I would like her to be my first sex partner. I think she is smart, cute, beautiful, ...

A.   18 June 2017: Well, probably you want to wait a little longer before you ask a direct question. Because after five month you could definitely ask her for sex. But then she could say no. And how will you feel if she says no. Even if she says not right now? L... (read in full...)

Boyfriend wanted to use an old tube of lubricant during sex but I got upset because he's used it with previous partners. Am I being silly?

Q.   Hi Everyone, So I have a bit of an awkward question, but genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting and too embarrassed too ask friends/family. So my boyfriend of 1 year has had a tube of lubricant in his drawer for a while, I noticed it a whil...

A.   18 June 2017: You are in your right. No one (or at least most people) wants to be reminded of their SO having sex with someone else. He should have dropped that long time ago and got a new one.... (read in full...)

What can I do? How should I handle this? Her sexual past and her ex who was her FWB are issues that are making me feel insecure.

Q.   Ok so me and my gf have been going out for about 8 months. And I've been struggling with her sexual past a lot recently. She's slept with about 10 people before me, they were all ons apart from one friends with benefits she had just before we start...

A.   18 June 2017: Even if you manage not to make her feel bad or guilty, this thing that's bugging you is going to affect her too. No matter how hard you try to suppress your jealousy and bad feelings, they will keep taking over. And at some point you won't be able ... (read in full...)

I can't make sense of this sexual stuff!

Q.   Hello everyone... first post here, wanting to discuss something thats been happening for a while now and have never had any input from anyone else on the subject due to it being a pretty embarrassing to say the least. Anyway i have been with m...

A.   31 January 2016: What's your actual problem? I'm not sure exactly what bothers you. From my own experience it really hurts when your girlfriend tells you she loved to do certain sexual thing with her previous partners. And not being specially interested in doin... (read in full...)

I flirted with a crush that is my boyfriend's friend and our room mate. How do I get things back to normal?

Q.   I'm in a very confusing situation at the moment. I temporarily live with my boyfriend and his 3 flat mates. They are all boys about my age (19-21). Not an ideal situation to start with but on New Year's Eve while drunk with my friends I called...

A.   19 January 2016: Regarding Denize's comment: I don't think dating your boyfriend's long time friend is a good idea. Unless you honestly feel that guy is the only one you will ever get interested in. If your boyfriend loves you he'll be devastated. Also from what you ... (read in full...)

A day hasn't gone by that I am not obsessed with his ex

Q.   This is a very strange problem. I've been with my boyfriend (now fiancé) for 2.5 years and life is perfect.... Except I'm obsessed with his ex which I have been since day 1. To start with I recognised it was due to their 4 year relationship ending 3 ...

A.   19 January 2016: What you are going through is a usual case of retroactive jealousy. Which is extremely common. You will get hundred of useless replies telling you how childish or crazy your behavior is. But you are going to a kind of OCD and your thoughts aren't ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid my boyfriend will compare my privates to his ex girlfriends and won't like what he sees!

Q.   Hi all I'm a 16 year old virgin with a major concern, my left inner Laos is stretched and hangs down past the outer lips by quite a way, while my right labia is normal? The stretched on is also like a purple colour and rubs against my underwear and ...

A.   19 January 2016: For a start I'd recommend you to think really carefully if you really think you are ready for sex. You don't need to start having sex at you age unless you really really want that and there is no external factor rushing you into that. About... (read in full...)

I lied to my dying friend and told him that I loved him. Now he's gone and I feel sick

Q.   I slept with my friend because he was dying and because I felt guilty for leading him on. Each time after having sex he would cry and hug me and profess his love for me. He had a crush on me for years. During his last days I lied to him that I loved ...

A.   17 January 2016: It looks like you gave him the more valuable gift ever. You made his dream come true. And he passed away happy about this. Who cares if your love for him wasn't exactly as he thought? You did this out of love anyway. If you don't want the things he ... (read in full...)

Should I reveal all to the wife of my ex? My Bf will leave me if I fail to tell her

Q.   Hi, I recently started dating an amazing guy, everything has been great and we are thinking about getting married. While talking about our pasts he found out that up until the day I met him I was still friends with an ex boyfriend. The...

A.   17 January 2016: Your past is always going to chase you, isn't it? - I'm kind of sure the you will get back to this friend of yours as soon as you have a mayor issue with your current boyfriend. And obviously he thinks the same. Even when you feel 100% sure you ... (read in full...)

She refused me but tried fellatio with her fling. Do I have a right to be upset ?

Q.   Hello! I'm 38.Me and my wife (42) have been married for 9 years now. We were in an on/off relationship for quite awhile before we settled down-we were at odds all the time which led us to break up and then get back together.The longest we'...

A.   17 January 2016: Did she exactly say "it was frequently" with this guy? Was this guy her very first blowjob? Was this guy only? I make this questions because it is possible she tried it and she didn't like it. Then you could be upset about not being the one sh... (read in full...)

How to handle this? What other important past information has my husband hidden from me?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 2 years dated 4 years prior to that. Tonight, I just found out my husband has been married 3 times prior to our relationship. I knew of one marriage, but he has never openly disclosed these other 2 marriage...

A.   17 January 2016: I agree with YouWish one hundred percent. I'd say two annulments is too much. That being said I'd like to ask this question: very often we read here "the past should stay in the past" as an advice for relationships. "What your partner did in h... (read in full...)

If my boyfriend is the love of my life then why can't I stop thinking of the man I dated while we were broken up?

Q.   I really need help and if anyone could help me that would be much appreciated. My story is long and complex but I will try to shorten it and summarize it. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now on and off. And when I mean off,...

A.   12 February 2014: Of course I can't say why, but I guess you didn't have a deep relationship nor you have a crush on him (from what you say). So your thoughts could be more related your your relationship with your boyfriend and the fact that you dated another guy ... (read in full...)

Does she really care for me more than the other guy? Did she just make a mistake?

Q.   Let me wrap things up. I am paranoid so I'll address the girl as "O" , me as "X" and HIM as "Y" So I met "O" 4 months ago in a nightclub. The moment I saw her I knew I wanted to be with that girl, not forever (because i dont like the sound of it)...

A.   3 February 2014: Of course we don't know better than you, what is she feeling. By letting him ride her to the club, she got herself in a bad situation. He's something like an ex and she should avoid such things. But you can't know what is she really thinking... (read in full...)

I ruined my boyfriend's life because I didn't lose my virginity to him

Q.   Hello all, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3years 3months, just recently he found out the guy I lost my virginity to was 20yr old and I was only 16, I regret it completely and know it was a huge mistake when I was immature young and drunk. ...

A.   3 February 2014: Did your boyfriend know you weren't a virgin before losing his virginity to you? Did you know he was a virgin? I think life is about fairness. When two people are going to have sex and only one of them is a virgin, both parts must be fully aware o... (read in full...)

My ex is going to marry my friend soon, and I always will wonder what if?

Q.   Hey everybody! I'm a rookie on this site, and this will be my first time talking about this I don't want to waste anybody's time so I'm sorry for the long post and if you take the time to read it all the way through I greatly appreciate it! I'm ...

A.   3 February 2014: I mostly disagree with previous replies. I don't think it's your fault nor I think you should ever talk with her again. In the first place you don't date your partner's friend even after ending a relationship. If you really fall so deeply in love ... (read in full...)

Does the number of people you sleep with have any effect on you later in life?

Q.   I am just wondering if the number of people you sleep with has any psychological or emotional effect on you later. I am not talking 3 or 4 partners. I mean, like, say 50 partners. My best bud is dating seriously a girl who has slept around qui...

A.   6 May 2013: What we do on a regular basis, tells a lot about what we are going to do in the future. We, humans, keep doing usually the same thing. And changing is hard. But isn't impossible. I'm pretty sure from a statistical point of view, that someone ... (read in full...)

Do women really get 'used for sex'?

Q.   This is not a personal question but a general question about the concept of 'using' someone for sex which is usually used about women. Why do people assume that a woman is 'being used for sex' when she's in a friends with benefits situation or at ...

A.   6 May 2013: Two people whom mutually agree to be friends with benefits, are using each other for sex. And they know it. Someone (guy or girl) is used for sex if he/she is tricked into a fake relationship on the promise of "something more than sex" by the coun... (read in full...)

I'm committed to my boyfriend so why do I dream about other guys?

Q.   I keep having these re-occuring dreams about men. Either they're these cute little dreams.of us together or it sexual. It's always about someone who I've either found attractive at one point, or have liked, and all these men in some way I still have ...

A.   2 May 2013: We humans are not programmed to have sex with a single person. That's something that comes with society, and moral rules. In your dreams you express your real desire to have sex with these guys. As you live in a monogamic society, everything is ok a... (read in full...)

Why do I not have the drive to fix something that is making me unhappy and get a girlfriend?

Q.   I am 22 and never been with a girl. It makes me sad and unhappy and I crave someone to be close to, cuddle and other intimacy. Yet I can't seem to find the drive to do anything. Each year I think to myself: this year I want to get a girl. It hasn'...

A.   2 May 2013: I think therapy would help you find out why. I mean, you are not consciously stopping you. Something inside you subconscious is preventing you from getting into a relationship. It could be fear as anonymous female suggested. But it could be another ... (read in full...)

She broke my heart, we got back together but I think the damage has been done

Q.   Am totally confused, av been in this relationship now for four years. this january my girlfriend left me for another guy, i later got to find out , and she slammed these words on my face in the presence of her friends that 'she's no more interested ...

A.   6 April 2013: I'm sorry about your dad. After four years, you don't hesitate about being with one person or another. I totally agree with CMMP, you have to dump her and go on. I think she have feelings for you, that's because she was with you during this bad... (read in full...)

Before I grew up I did wild stuff; he wants a threesome

Q.   So I was telling my boyfriend of 7 months about my semi-wild past. I've had one night stands and threesoms before, even hooked up with a hand full of girls. Those days are gone, I've grown up and gained self respect for myself. He, on the other ...

A.   6 April 2013: You made a big mistake by disclosing you past to him. Specially because he has so little experience. Most probably he is frustrated because what you did in your past, and he is asking for a threesome out of anger. And because he may think that a ... (read in full...)

We've been friends all our lives, so why the sudden hatred? He is ignoring me and has even deleted me from Facebook....

Q.   So a guy I know since childhood has come to my life and started texting me daily, we were always platonic friends or shall I say neighbors, we live in 2 different countries so we texted for 3 months and clashed twice due to his insistance on going ...

A.   26 March 2013: I think it's quite simple. When he when back into your life, he was interested in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Then you end up telling him you have to be only friends. Which should have been frustrating for him. For any relationship to ... (read in full...)

My first partner didn't enjoy the sex -- how can I compete with experienced guys?

Q.   I've been a relationship with a woman I met online for more than a year. We live thousands of miles apart but we've had two visits. The first visit, we weren't sure where we were going with our relationship, but we ended up having sex the first day ...

A.   23 February 2013: In the first place, it's true that usually you get better at something as you practice more and more. But it's not always true. If you have a lot of practice of doing something in the wrong way, you don't get better. That's way, in part, it's tru... (read in full...)

Was a Bj the first night too soon? Do you think we have a chance at dating and him respecting me?

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm 27 years old and a few weeks ago I met a man at a party. We hit it off right away and spent the entire night talking and drinking, he got tipsy and invited me to stay the night there with him but I laughed it off and offered ...

A.   23 February 2013: In my opinion it was way too soon. Of course, I tell you that as a man and knowing what guys are like around here. I'm not sure what's the popular thinking over there. If I were him, most probably I would think you use to give blowjobs on your fir... (read in full...)

Girlfriend says a break will benefit both of us but I don't agree!

Q.   I didn't think I would have to come here to find some insight, but I am just losing my mind and need some info/opinions from strangers because usually thats advice that is non-biased and you can take on. Well make a long story short...heres th...

A.   13 February 2013: Decisions, in couples, need the two partners to agree on. Taking a break is a major decision, so it can't be taken from her part without your consent. The problem is, the only thing you can do is to break up on this, unless she agrees to not take ... (read in full...)

Does he like me more than I first thought?

Q.   Hey. I'm confused. On a night out, a friend of mine told me he fancied me. We haven't known each other long but have spent quite some time together. I was shocked when he told me he liked me. I didn't know how to respond. He could see this and said...

A.   5 February 2013: You have to come clear with you, about what do you feel for him. Then, go and talk to him like "So very confused" told you. And when he tells you what he meant, you can tell him whatever you have to.... (read in full...)

He keeps reminding me that I gave my virginity to someone else who later ended up dumping me. What can I do to improve our relationship?

Q.   i have been in a relationship since 5 between a guy came in who seemed more promising n committed proposed me.he seemed very serious.and i lost virginity to him.i was deeply infatuated with this 2nd guy and later i was dumped.the first guy ...

A.   5 February 2013: I guess most answers miss the point that you had a relationship with you current boyfriend before losing your virginity. The problem of your boyfriend is not the virginity itself but the fact that you had sex with the other guy. I guess (you didn't ... (read in full...)

I don't like her past and think she lies to spare my feelings

Q.   help me, am a guy and am having a really hard time with my gf past she recently confessed she has been with 20 man from the time she was 20 to 26 and its really bothering me i feel so desperate and bothered by the fact has given herself to all these ...

A.   8 October 2012: I find it strange too... that you think she's lying. Do you think it could be worse? One key question here is whether she TOLD you about her past, or you ASKED her about her past. But ultimately that won't matter neither. What you feel now won... (read in full...)

I'm ready for sex but g/f doesn't want to take my virginity

Q.   Hello everyone, I've been with this special girl for 3.5 months now. I'm crazy about her and really love her. I'm a virgin, she's not (3 previous sex partners). I told her i was ready for the next step. She said I dont have to look forward to it no...

A.   8 October 2012: She is lying, in part. I mean, it is too obvious that you are the one who chooses to whom loose your virginity to. And so, she doesn't has to worry about what happens if you break up later. I guess girls see some guys like "fuck buddies" and other ... (read in full...)

Is it dangerous territory if my platonic male friend is interested in me? My Bf doesn't like me seeing this other guy.

Q.   My male coworker and I have become good friends. I never really hang out with him outside of work because he is really infatuated with me. It even caused some tension in the beginning, when I was just getting to know him. He's not my type at all a...

A.   24 September 2012: For a start, you can't be friend with someone who is interested in you as a girlfriend. Whatever you do in the direction of letting him go further with you, he will see it as a sign of your interest in him. And you will be feeding his hopes. So it's ... (read in full...)

I've given her an ultimatum, him or me. How can we move forward?

Q.   folks in need of some expert help basically giving my gf a ultimatum. Choose him or me. il make this quick basically i made the first mistake by flirting with a girl online, but let me explain, this flirtation ment absolutely NOTHING...

A.   24 September 2012: I agree with Honeypie and anonymous. But there is something I don't get. She started flirting online. Then you did the same, and for that she went to sleep with the guy. In your girlfriend's logic, she can flirt and you can't. What kind of ... (read in full...)

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