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*arbo

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What would you think if your doctor said you look good?

Q.   My male doctor surprised me the other day when I went in for an office visit. After discussing my medical problem he asked if I cut my hair and said I looked good.My hair hasn't changed the last few months plus I have been seeing him every 1-2 weeks ...

A.   10 December 2017: If he did not even notice that your hair is the same, he just hasn't notice you, perhaps realized it and tried to have a small talk to keep you a happy patient. Being a doctor requires to, first and foremost, have people skills. It's also doubtful ... (read in full...)

I need help to control his binge drinking

Q.   I need some advice. My husband has a problem with binge drinking. He can't stop at a couple and will just keep on drinking to he passes out. We don't really drink at home so it's only a problem if he goes out for drinks with friends. He normally ...

A.   9 December 2017: Your husband is a drunk. Perhaps functioning but still a drunk. I've had experience with such drunks. They would refrain from alcohol for days than weekend comes and they start downing until a blackout. Then they deny they have an alcohol problem ... (read in full...)

I feel guilty I cheated on my boyfriend with his boss

Q.   I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 22. We’ve been together for about 2 1/2 years and I’m beyond happy with him. The other night, we were fighting and I ended up leaving our apartment and just going for a drive when I stopped at the gas station and saw his ...

A.   8 December 2017: So imagine your BF talking to his boss, and the boss brims in satisfaction that he banged his GF. This being a close circuit, at some point, that creepy boss will dump subtle hints that he has had his woman and all of this will be exposed... while ... (read in full...)

My husband is having an affair with a woman half his age and lies about it!

Q.   Married 19 years my husband 54 is having an affair with a girl who is 27 he sits with her in different areas of the city and goes to her house when we go to church he knows that I know and continues to lie about everything what should I do?...

A.   8 December 2017: Examine your finances, see if you can survive on your own, if so get a lawyer and divorce him. ... (read in full...)

Mental health problem blighting my life

Q.   I wanted to come in here because I feel I need to ask for advice/feedback after some therapy had not worked. I have OCD and excessive rumination. I worry to the point where I feel I am handicapped from my thoughts. For example this incident jus...

A.   3 December 2017: Before accepting to take meds for this, I'd suggest you research this issue and see how much of the diagnosis and help you can do yourself. Mental health is a complicated issue and many times patients know better than the doctors, not just symptoms ... (read in full...)

Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair?

Q.   Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair? I know many would use harsh and negative remarks on such question. I did no Contact and he reached out and I caved in. I am thinking of telling his wife so that I can move on for good forever...

A.   28 November 2017: You said you caved in, so why don't you figure out what made you cave in so that the second time you go no contact you don't cave in. Perhaps he knows that you would cave in so he contacted you. Plus, even if you tell his wife, he maybe able to ... (read in full...)

Can we get back to normal after swinging?

Q.   Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...

A.   28 November 2017: You aren't selfish because being a swinger is not an necessity in life nor a moral obligation but raising kids is a necessity and a moral obligation. He can always stop what isn't necessary and if he does not want to then it's him who is selfish: he ... (read in full...)

Can we get back to normal after swinging?

Q.   Do you think there’s any hope of a relationship going back to normal after swinging? My husband and I have tried it - yes we had a lot of fun - but the lifestyle isn’t for me. When I tell him I want to stop we fight because he doesn’t want to stop. ...

A.   28 November 2017: I'd do number 2 and make him choose: sex with others or family. What will happen is impossible to tell but at least you have given it a shot at changing things. It could lead to number 3 but it does not have to. The kids younhave are as much his as ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my son that his girlfriend is cheating on him?

Q.   My sons girlfriend is cheating on him??? Both she and my son are 25 and have been together for just over 9 years. I received an e-mail from someone who has sent me evidence that she has been cheating on him for the past 5 years with his BFF. I ...

A.   26 November 2017: She has been cheating for 5 out of 9 years that they have been together. That's over 60% of the time. Most of their relationship is a scam and not real. This relationship needs to be dismantled. So go to your son and show him evidence now. Why would ... (read in full...)

Do you think he is behaving normally?

Q.   I had to switch doctors because my old doctor retired. I went in to see him to followup on a rash I had on my face. He looked at it once and said it looked better. Then he examined my eye because I had a swollen, red eyelid. After that he examined ...

A.   25 November 2017: Stroking cheeks is to put pressure on your sinuses which, infected or swollen, can cause the rash and swollen eye. Not sure about birth control pill but since they mess with the hormones I guess they could cause rashes. Bathing, too little and too ... (read in full...)

Any advice on Dear Cupid burn-out?

Q.   I know I'm not the most active poster here and I'm not hoping that anyone would recognize me but I'm just gonna post this here for a message and maybe some advice. I'm thinking of leaving DearCupid for some time, all this posts about cheating...

A.   22 November 2017: Well, I hear what you say because you read someone's post and think why can't they see how their original stupid action has snowballed into this. And it's hard to moralize on people these days but had they followed basic morals, human and sexual, ... (read in full...)

My world has come crashing down because my wife just told me that the daughter we've been raising is not mine but from her affair after the marriage!

Q.   My wife and i have been married for 3 years, 6 months ago she told me something that rocked my core. the daughter i have been raising is not mine. she had an affair 2 years ago. the reason she cheated was that she was a virgin when we got married ...

A.   20 November 2017: Frankly, her excuse for cheating is bogus. And not only that, but callous as well because she lied deliberately about the baby. Very cruel and premeditated. Anyway, you should not cheat. It does nothing. It solves nothing. It's like getting ... (read in full...)

I sent him a nude, I hope he hasn't lost respect for me.

Q.   I posted a while ago saying i had a met a man with quite an usual job- he's a travel author (fairly successful). He is 35 years old, is in the public eye quite a lot and has a lot of female attention. I went on 2 dates with him back in june but then ...

A.   19 November 2017: To be honest, if this was single me on the receiving end of the nude picture, I'd think that what I have is an easy, effortless sex so I would pursue it without any expectation of anything more. I would also tend to think that you may have done this ... (read in full...)

How do I tell him his breath smells?

Q.   I am seeing the most amazing person I have ever met, but I have a problem. His breath always smells and I have no idea how to bring this sensitive subject up without hurting his feelings. I did not notice it at first, but recently I have become ...

A.   18 November 2017: Sometimes people don't even know they have this condition especially if it's some stomach issue like gastritis. If bad teeth, such issues are often noticed by the patient. So I'd be straight forward and ask if he knows about his breath and help him ... (read in full...)

How to deal with a more sexually experienced partner?

Q.   I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. I'm not particularly handsome either and I am obese. I will be visiting an escort in a few weeks to lose my virginity. Finally I'll get to feel what intimacy is like. However I've b...

A.   17 November 2017: Having more sex partners could, in many instances, mean that you are less good. You shouldn't worry about how many she has had. That means nothing because lot of them could have been duds and a waste. Focus on her and seek to please her, and your ... (read in full...)

How can a wife cheat for 3 years and act like everything is ok?

Q.   After I found out that my wife was having a three year affair with another man, I gave her an ultimatum and she ended it....she eventually told me that she made a big mistake, and didnt know what she was thinking the past three years...I found out ...

A.   11 November 2017: Im not claiming that I know her motives but here are some that I know of that cheating wives used. One is that they love to be desired by men so that thrill of being desired (or her ability to make him desire her) is what may have motivate... (read in full...)

What does his taste in porn say about what he's actually fantasizing about?

Q.   Would love some male opinions on a porn question.... My husband watches "cheating wife" porn. The "subject" confuses me. Is it a fantasy about cheating with another married woman, or a fantasy about his wife (me) cheating with someone, ie: cuc...

A.   10 November 2017: "Cheating wife" is the second most popular porn category according to some major studies. It is wide ranging category that includes wife cheating with a woman or another man. Since there is more than 2 people, there is a wide range of characters ... (read in full...)

I have feelings for a recently married woman.

Q.   I recently realized i have feelings for a woman who has not long been married, it is at the point that i can't think of anything else, i'm not sure if she has picked up on this by my body language, i am dying to tell her how i feel but..i can't ...

A.   9 November 2017: Certain things, after certain events, become off limits. This is one of them. That woman is off limits for you no matter what you feel. Instead of telling her I'd suggest working on yourself to get her off your mind. ... (read in full...)

There is no intimacy in our marriage .... is my wife having an affair?

Q.   I have been married for 15 years. Beginning of marriage the sex life was great. Then all of sudden I had to wear a condom didn't want me to orgasm inside her. The kissing stopped was only just a peck on the cheek or lips. Once a month she has dinner ...

A.   8 November 2017: I don't see any evidence of her cheating. Have you asked why she is cold? How well do you two communicate & express feelings? Have you tried to make her open up and express her self? Have you two talked about rekindling the old spirit of flirting... (read in full...)

My husband is flat out lying to me!

Q.   Is it ok to snoop if i am being lied to? My husband keeps telling me that his 'penis is broken'. We havent had sex in two months or so. Hes massively stressed out. The thing is that in the last two weeks i have given him two blowjobs and we have act...

A.   5 November 2017: Broken penis is a very serious medical condition which cannot linger for very long. Bruised penis, from masturbating, happens. Is he lying? Probably. Instead of being angry at him, I think you should find out why he prefers fantasy over a real t... (read in full...)

He cheated. Should I?

Q.   I’m married 20 yrs to my 1st love. We have 3 kids (14, 10 and 6). I found out 5 yrs ago my husband was cheating on me for a few years. I confronted him with evidence found in his emails and texts, pics of escorts and hotel records. He confessed ...

A.   3 November 2017: You are having issues with your husband cheating and think it is very wrong what he is doing yet you are attracted to precisely the same guy, who is doing the same thing to his wife, only worse because he is doing it with family members. I'd say ... (read in full...)

How do men deal with the hair 'down there'?

Q.   This question is really difficult to ask people in real life so here goes. Ladies, what's your opinion on pubic hair on your men? Shaved, trimmed or untouched? And men, if you're shaving down there, how do you handle the testicular area? ...

A.   2 November 2017: One way is to hold an ice pack on your testiclea for a period of time so that they can shrink and stiffen then use these trimmers on them carefully so you don't chop off your skin: https... (read in full...)

How can I boost his sexual interest?

Q.   My husband has a low sex drive but mine is extremely high and I'm looking for tips or advice on how to spice up our sex life and things I can do or say to get him excited and turned on. ...

A.   23 October 2017: I'm assuming that your husband is in your age bracket, and that is when most men u forgo huge drop in hormonals, particularly the ones with sex. Virtually every man has half the amount of DHEA at 40 than he had in 20s and that hormone controls a lot ... (read in full...)

Does this age gap between us matter?

Q.   I am 27years old and the love of my life d one I wanted to marry is 37years old by age.we both love each other so dearly and he is a man every woman would wanted as a husband because he has d attribute he is loving,caring,calm,hard work and lastly ...

A.   11 October 2017: As you get older the gap between you two will seem much less. So no, he is not too old... (read in full...)

Should I let my wife have a young lover since I can't perform as I once did?

Q.   My wife (aged 55)and very attractive, and I have been married for 24 years and over the last 3 years I (aged 57) have had trouble maintaining an erection during sex, I have tried all the usual medications but I get side effects from them, so I have ...

A.   11 October 2017: I agree with the ladies below. There are million ways a guy can make a woman orgasm, and penetrative sex is but only one way. I think she is playing you to get an approval to openly cheat on you and is using your limp excuse to convince you of that. ... (read in full...)

Should I kick him out of my house and my life?

Q.   Hi All!! First thank you for taking the time out to help me... Ive been dating the same guy for 5 yrs now. And for the past couple yrs he has changed into an unpredictable screaming heartless prick towards me. Im always caught off guard when he gets ...

A.   8 October 2017: He definitively has some sort of a chemical imbalance because after taking drugs which alter those mood chemicals his behavior changes. Not that those drugs and alcohol are good but instead, seems to me that he should see a psychiatrist and see what ... (read in full...)

We want different things in life ... should I just let it go?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now. I’m 20 and he’s 22 so we’re still pretty young and we don’t plan on getting married or having kids any time soon. Especially since we’ve only been together for 2 years. But we have com...

A.   29 September 2017: It is important for couples to have same aims and goals. If they diverge then there is no agreement but only aggravation. That's even in smallest things, let alone a big one like marriage and family. Statistics do show that single parent kids are... (read in full...)

Are we sexually incompatible? I need help!

Q.   my fiancé and I have been together for a year and a half and we have been struggling sexually. when we first got together he told me he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex I was perfectly Fine with that as we both were practicing christianity ...

A.   20 September 2017: I'm assuming your guy is in the same age bracket as you... and at that age a guy should not have these erection problems and premature ejaculation issues unless, of course, there is something wrong physically with him. Going without sex for 4 years, ... (read in full...)

How should I handle one of my biggest regrets and the depression it is causing me?

Q.   When I was in high school, I was so afraid of being bullied that I became a bully myself. I was a immature kid and the way I was thinking was completely wrong. About a year after I graduated, one of the kids that I bullied, Zach, died from ...

A.   17 September 2017: I would try prayer. If you are Christian, there is an over-abundance of prayers to make amends, dealing with regret and atonement for past wrongs, exactly what you are looking for. I'd look into those for emotional help and stick with it those for ... (read in full...)

What are basic expectations people in relationships have in regards to social media?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together six months. Everything seems good between us and he's always expressing how much he loves me, wants to stay together for ever and how I'm beautiful in his eyes etc. One of the few issues we have, though I...

A.   15 September 2017: It depends who these girls are. Maybe they are his friends from past in which case he probably knows of them much longer than he has been in relationship with you. He does not control what they post but if he does not hang around with them then they ... (read in full...)

Husband can't get it up and I'm miserable!

Q.   Hubby and I are in a happy, loving relationship. We met and married a few years ago. I'm 48 and he's 51 and in the last year or so he's having trouble getting it up. It's partly mental (work stress, financial worries, which he takes very seriously ...

A.   3 September 2017: Insist on getting blood work done on him for PSA, cholesterol and hormones like testosterone, DHEA and others. Stuff like this happens to men due to aging. Their body does not produce these things as when they were young. Also try suppleme... (read in full...)

Not sure if boyfriend is attracted to me sexually or that I am his physical type.

Q.   Been with boyfriend for over a year. We are both in our late 20's. We only have sex once or once every 2 weeks. There are a lot of times where i want it more than him. He gives me excuses he is tired, he is bloated from food etc. But then sa...

A.   2 August 2017: Having low T does not mean the guy is incapable of noticing a beautoful woman. Besides that, yes, low T knocks off mans ability to have elections. Maybe that is his case so avoids a situation where it's uncomfortable that he can't please you. ... (read in full...)

Is a man without a big wallet a deal breaker for you?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have recently met a great man. We've been dating for a few months but we have met each other's parents because we are serious about each other. Recently though, my worries have been our financial status. He is a hard working chef a...

A.   28 July 2017: Break up. There is nothing in this that keeps you with him. Constantly questioning something is not a way to be with someone. Going on dates while supposedly with a guy isn't ethical either. Just move on from him while early. Spare both of ... (read in full...)

I cheated on my fiance and am looking at others because of the lack of sex in our relationship

Q.   Looking for advice... I'm marrying my fiancé next year whom I've been with for 9 years. We've had our ups and downs over the years and he's not had much time for me over the past couple of years as he's been studying on top of his full time job. Thi...

A.   14 July 2017: There is no such thing as "one-off" in cheating. Nor does the fact that he has a GF absolve you of cheating any less. People do not have much sympathy for cheaters... not just because "one-off" is one too many but because they want to cheat again. ... (read in full...)

She says he wants to groom me. What is that?

Q.   What does it mean when a man is grooming a women? What is it he is grooming her for? Is this a form of manipulation if so then why? I was seeing n (and) (sic) talking lots to with a guy a really like and I left cause he beat his ex' others say. ...

A.   4 July 2017: It could be form of manipulation most often used to manipulate a woman to engage in sex she may not show any desire for, typically lesbianism, swinging or 3-some formations. Personally, if someone likes you than they should like you for who you ... (read in full...)

What is the point in just sending a message saying "good morning"?

Q.   I have a male friend who I've been having frequent contact with lately, almost daily at all hours. Sometimes mundane conversation, other times he's talking to me about past relationships, perils of dating online etc). I'm a bit confused though ...

A.   2 July 2017: Perhaps you come across as stand offish to him while he may want to strike a convo with you. It's just an invitation to more talk. If you wish not have a talk with him then tell him to stop. In case you are interested in him then engage into a c... (read in full...)

Is sex so important to my husband?

Q.   Hi aunts. I have been married to my husband for 3 years. Our sex life is not good at all. I was suffering from severe dyspareunia for which I didn't seek treatment for a long time as the thought of a doctor doing a over examination used to scare ...

A.   1 July 2017: Sex is important in marriage, period. The fact that you are not having it with your husband is a problem as you can obviously see. That needs to be fixed. Having said that, yes, to many men sex is critical, especially at age that I'm assuming... (read in full...)

Is a man without a big wallet a deal breaker for you?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have recently met a great man. We've been dating for a few months but we have met each other's parents because we are serious about each other. Recently though, my worries have been our financial status. He is a hard working chef a...

A.   30 June 2017: It matters more where you are headed to rather than where your are at now. Look where you are going financially first, then him and see if it's a right direction. ... (read in full...)

My partner will not admit that she uses a vibrator and its making me feel inadquate

Q.   I've recently discovered that my partner if 6 years is secretly using a vibrator when she thinks I'm asleep. This has been ongoing now for 5 months and every time I ask her she becomes very angry and denial sets in. We have a very open relationship ...

A.   26 June 2017: Offer to do the vibrator on her yourself. There is a great way for you to make her feel good. You don't have to have her admit anything. Let all that go and move on with pleasing her with the vibrator yourself. ... (read in full...)

Am I foolish to forgive my girlfriend for cheating?

Q.   In January I found out that I'd been offered a promotion at work. A fantastic opportunity to change my life, but it involved 6 months living abroad. My girlfriend of 4 years didn't want me to go initially, but after talking things through she agreed ...

A.   25 June 2017: Her excuse for having sex behind your back is not lame but outright repugnant. Imagine your life with her so whenever she has sex with someone you are to be blamed. This is not a question of you being stupid but a question why are you even ... (read in full...)

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