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*123 agony aunt

*123

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I like to help people as much as I can - my heart is in the right place even if it has taken a couple of bruises and hard knocks over the past 3 years!! I lost a child in a v tragic way and its taken me upto a year to feel a tiny bit better. If I can make anyone on this website feel better about themselves or try to give some sound advice it would bring great joy to me.

I believe in Humanity. I believe that we must always help each other in order to better ourselves..but that its up to us at the end of the day to want to help ourselves, we must help ourselves first in order to grow, we must pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down when things get tough.. one of life's hardest lessons.. Thanks! B

He spent more money on his ex than he does with me, did he love her more?

Q.   did my partner spend more money on his ex because he loved her more? He was with her for a short time but furnished her house and paid her rent, got her a car and paid for her boob job. With me, he is not like that. ...

A.   17 August 2011: Not necessarily. Perhaps this experience left him penniless. After all an ex is an ex for a reason - right? Maybe she used him for his money. Perhaps he doesn't splurge as much on you as he simply doesn't have - but take solace knowing that just cos ... (read in full...)

Why do women sleep with married men?

Q.   Why do women who fool around with a married man get it into their thick skulls that men are using them....why do these women persist with married men, is it low self esteem issue, does it give them a high that this man whos morals are clearly not ...

A.   8 June 2011: May I ask a different question in response to this one? I hate to play devil's advocate here but what about the husbands who tell women they are already divorced when they are clearly not and are still married to their wives? are these mistresses ... (read in full...)

I'm angry, confused and hurt at the way my ex is treating me.

Q.   I have been on here so many times with my marriage separation, here I am again needing your help, I have two gentlemen who have emailed me, to take me out somehow my ex got a hold of the emails and emailed them back telling them I was not ...

A.   8 June 2011: Dear Cegana, May I give you a few harsh examples that has sadly happened to good friends of mine: "I forsake all others" - the words spoken by one of my girlfriend's ex-husband at the altar a few years before he cheated on her. Thankfully she l... (read in full...)

He's the one who cheated so why is he blaming me for the marriage problems?

Q.   My husband cheated on me 4 years ago yes when we fought I brought up the affairs...the one I caught him see he was on a dating site and met several women....I have been on here asking for advice..about this..now that he up and left because again I ...

A.   8 June 2011: The psychologists would call this projection. He is projecting his own guilt for misbehaving onto you. You didn't push him away. He chose to go away from you instead of fixing what you already had. So he decided to make himself feel better for being ... (read in full...)

My husband is doing a 360 about our separation, I'm confused!

Q.   help me my husband has done a 360 with our separation..he is taunting a man who is emailing me...when I ask him if he loves this woman hes with he ignores me and asks about the man whos chasing me..... what does he want...I keep asking him do yo...

A.   8 June 2011: You don't sound pathetic at all. Your ex-husband-to-be if you don't mind me saying is jealous of other men who want to be in your life yet he is with someone else now. He cheated on you and now he must live by those consequences. He can't have both ... (read in full...)

What does this man want?

Q.   Well here I am again......my ex and I have been separated for 9 months....lately he has changed hes more receptive and texting me, now me I am hurt I cant play nice anymore...he left me for another woman and says he still communicates with her but ...

A.   8 June 2011: Aww I am so sorry you are going through this - hugs. If its any consolation - my present baby daughter's father married another lady right after I gave birth to her and to this day refused to ever say hello to the child calling her MY CHILD ONLY. ... (read in full...)

He doesn't talk and I've told him I need him to open up about his feelings! Help!

Q.   We're going to celebrate our 6 months anniversary (dating) - no I love you's have been said and I'm wondering is it worth staying. Just not sure he'll ever say it and I need to hear it. I know ultimatums don't work with guys but I'm thinking I'm ...

A.   7 June 2011: Been there - I would say do nothing - the less you do the better. Back off from him, give it space and let him chase you down. I know its hard for you right now but its quite possible you are doing too much right now...I am sure as hell he prob ... (read in full...)

What does this man want?

Q.   Well here I am again......my ex and I have been separated for 9 months....lately he has changed hes more receptive and texting me, now me I am hurt I cant play nice anymore...he left me for another woman and says he still communicates with her but ...

A.   7 June 2011: I think his current lady is actually jealous that he still harbours love for you and she went a bit loopy at you trying to push you away. Chances are she said that back to him which is making him feel bad for you. I make a bet she doesn't know about ... (read in full...)

What does this man want?

Q.   Well here I am again......my ex and I have been separated for 9 months....lately he has changed hes more receptive and texting me, now me I am hurt I cant play nice anymore...he left me for another woman and says he still communicates with her but ...

A.   3 June 2011: Its sounds to me like you are really hurting from his mixed signal behaviour. Perhaps the best thing FOR YOU to do now..is simply step away from this situation before you drive yourself mad. You need to think what is best for you now. You saw he ... (read in full...)

I still love her. How can I be positive and get over the biggest break up in my life?

Q.   to whoever wants to listen, this is going to be a bit of a long story, but for those who take the time and read it, I would appreciate your thoughts, especially from women readers. Back Story: Story begins with a girl and a boy. I, the boy...

A.   10 May 2011: How can you be positive? keep the chin up. Write down a list of pros and cons of what you liked and didn't like about your relationship then assess whether you think you should salvage the relationship or move on. I get the impression you just want ... (read in full...)

If he truly wanted out wouldn't he use this as his out???

Q.   I have been involved in a relationship for 17 months with the most amazing man. We talk daily, see each other minimum of once a week and I'm totally head over heals for him. Here's the issue, 3 moths ago I discovered he is married. He admitted to ...

A.   18 February 2011: I take it he didn't get the STD from his wife or maybe he is trying to say to you that he caught an STD from her giving him another reason to divorce her?? For me this is a huge red flag. I know you are in love with him and holding out for him ... (read in full...)

Wife meeting up with her ex... how do I handle this?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been with my wife for 5 years. Our relationship started off very passionate and exciting. We used to be very touchy and sexually intimate. Over the last 2 years or so, this spark has significantly died down and now we're rarely...

A.   18 February 2011: OK I would let her meet up with him. It sounds to me like this is an issue of trust. You are scared that you will lose your wife to this other man. I want you to go to Youtube and watch a movie called Fireproof - it's on Youtube in 12 parts. It ... (read in full...)

Why did he disappear?

Q.   I am so hurt. Back in October I started going out with this guy. We were on the phone every day and went out almost every day. About two months later we slept together. But It was a bit of hot and cold after that, we didnt become a couple but kind ...

A.   18 February 2011: P.S. He disappeared cos he doesn't care what you think. He may say that he does but its all words. How do you know he is not doing the same to some other woman??? while he is not with you. He is prob getting off on the fact that he can have a few ... (read in full...)

Why did he disappear?

Q.   I am so hurt. Back in October I started going out with this guy. We were on the phone every day and went out almost every day. About two months later we slept together. But It was a bit of hot and cold after that, we didnt become a couple but kind ...

A.   18 February 2011: I hate to say this to you but I think he is using you for sex when it suits him. You need to get out of this situation as quick as you can - you are already becoming emotionally attached to a man who is currently totally devoid of giving you the ... (read in full...)

I had sex with my ex and I regret it so much!

Q.   I had sex with my ex bf 3 days ago and i felt extremely guilty for myself.I don't know what the hell am i doing after i left his house. Here is the story : Me and my ex went for a movie after 4 months of break up. He hug me,kiss me in the cinema...

A.   29 November 2010: First of all I am going to tear the facts out of your story. I know you still harbour feelings for him and that is why you probably ended up having sex with him...but he has just disrespected you by saying he wants someone else! so he was just using ... (read in full...)

Can I get him to ask me to be with him again

Q.   I posted about this situation before, and would really like some advice on what to do. To the men out there, your take on this would be greatly appreciated! I met a guy a year ago online. I had decided to put myself out there after a taking a...

A.   26 August 2010: Hi - although I am a woman I am going to give you my take on this and I hope you will not mind. I hope some or all of what I am about to say will be of some help. Forgive me if I come across a bit harsh! You say it wasn't until after a couple of ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong that my husband discusses our personal life with the mother of one of his children?

Q.   Please could you tell me how you would feel about this. I am recently married and have found out that my new husband discusses our personal life and things about me personally with one of the mothers of his children, asking for advice and her view ...

A.   15 February 2010: Have you told him that it bothers you? I imagine you have as you sound bit upset. I think he tells her as when a man and woman are friends the censorship goes - so it can be one of two things. 1) They are just friends and he is not hoping to get ... (read in full...)

How to fix my trust issues?

Q.   hey I have a problem and I don't know how to fix it. I don't trust anyone, not my friends, not my reatives... like, I wouldn't put it past anyone to sell me out or anything. Any time I like a guy and it's going well I tend to sabotage it beor...

A.   28 October 2009: Trust is something a person usually earns and perhaps you are reluctant to give it for some particular reason or another. The point is perhaps you are not v comfy in your relations and as a result its causing you this blockage. I would sincerely ... (read in full...)

14 and pregnant...Help!!

Q.   Okay im 14 and I just found out im pregnant. I dont know what to do because i dont want an abortion because im 100% against that. And i want to keep it but i have school.! i want to finish school but i want to have my baby.! PLEASE HELP...

A.   27 October 2009: Ok first calm down - its not the end of the world. Its a gift! Be happy. Try to be...I know you are going through an emotional rollercoaster right now...but remember this is entirely YOUR choice - no-one else's. If you want that baby you keep the ... (read in full...)

Does he really want to get back with me?

Q.   My exboyfriend keeps telling me he wants to get back together but things need to change first...such as my jealosy issues, the fact that I don't accept some of his friends..and that I annoy him some times He says he wants us to be together but to ...

A.   27 August 2009: Best thing to do is do nothing. Really give him the breakup that he wants. If you keep chasing him by sending him mails and stuff and calls...he will just withdraw from you more. SO if you love him as much as you say you do, don't do anything. Its ... (read in full...)

I've lost the man I love over something so stupid!

Q.   Ok well this is gonna be quite long (sorry) but I desperately need some help. Please be honest with me, I can take any criticism where it's due, but please don't judge me. Ok, so, last year, Id just gone 18 and I was going out with someone . a...

A.   27 August 2009: Sounds like you are having a bit of a hard time and are confused...I would personally take a break from the guys for a while and think to yourself..WHAT do you REALLY want from a relationship before you decide to go out with anyone?? You need to ... (read in full...)

My beautiful baby was born dead and I'm finding it very difficult to cope... Please help me...

Q.   On the 27th of February my baby was born dead... I'm finding it very hard to grieve and do anything. I have an 18 month old baby and I can't seem to hold her... I don't know how to go on. Please I need some help. ...

A.   24 March 2009: I am so so sorry for your loss. If its any consolation to you - I have lost my child 27 days after birth and it was really traumatic. She died in my arms. What I want to say to you is this: cry get it all out by all means, time will help you feel ... (read in full...)

How do you know FOR SURE when a man has REALLY lost interest in you?

Q.   I had a really really bad date with a man I am seeing for 7 months the other day - I now question whether he has lost interest in me or is simply playing mind games again. Your thoughts as usual would be much appreciated. Please give me opinions for ...

A.   23 February 2009: Hi Sappy Girl Thanks for your response - I know what you mean but USUALLY does treat me properly which causes me to have this CURRENT problem. Its like all of a sudden out of the blue he is doing this and I am at a loss to know why. I confront... (read in full...)

How do you know FOR SURE when a man has REALLY lost interest in you?

Q.   I had a really really bad date with a man I am seeing for 7 months the other day - I now question whether he has lost interest in me or is simply playing mind games again. Your thoughts as usual would be much appreciated. Please give me opinions for ...

A.   23 February 2009: Hi Sappy Girl Thanks for your response - I know what you mean but USUALLY does treat me properly which causes me to have this CURRENT problem. Its like all of a sudden out of the blue he is doing this and I am at a loss to know why. I confronte... (read in full...)

How do you know FOR SURE when a man has REALLY lost interest in you?

Q.   I had a really really bad date with a man I am seeing for 7 months the other day - I now question whether he has lost interest in me or is simply playing mind games again. Your thoughts as usual would be much appreciated. Please give me opinions for ...

A.   23 February 2009: Hi Sappy Girl Thanks for your response - I know what you mean but USUALLY does treat me properly which causes me to have this CURRENT problem. Its like all of a sudden out of the blue he is doing this and I am at a loss to know why. I confronte... (read in full...)

Playing games, part two

Q.   I have been going out with a 49 yr old man - am 28, things were great with him for the first six months, until he started to break up with me via txt for x, y reason etc - but mainly cos he doubted in me. Its now 7 months and well tonight he tried ...

A.   23 February 2009: Hey thanks Mrs. Mom - am beginning to wonder!! Tonight he said he would call via txt - then when 10 pm came - he didn't call - after 10 mins I finally caved in and rang and told him I was annoyed that he hadn't kept his word etc. He gave me some ... (read in full...)

Playing games, part two

Q.   I have been going out with a 49 yr old man - am 28, things were great with him for the first six months, until he started to break up with me via txt for x, y reason etc - but mainly cos he doubted in me. Its now 7 months and well tonight he tried ...

A.   21 February 2009: Thanks to all who replied to me - here is an update - today he became weird - I presented all your explanations to him - in other words, your bad behaviour must stop or I am leaving you - so he said go ahead and laughed so I said fine I will - he ... (read in full...)

Why do we always fall for the wrong people???

Q.   Why do we love people who are wrong for us more than the people who are right for us - majority of the time? Is it cos we have less chance to have the person who is wrong for us than the person who is right for us?? are the good ones almost 'too ...

A.   11 February 2009: Excellent answers - thank you to all the responses!! v v interesting...B..... (read in full...)

My husband wants to act like my ex in bed!

Q.   Greetings What do you say to this! My husband wanted me to pretend like he was my ex while we were having sex. And my husband said it was harmless fun role play. And I said Role play is nurse/doctor, cops/robbers, etc. Not the ex. I told husb...

A.   9 February 2009: Whoops sorry well again if that is the case, I would just say I am simply not liking this idea and it hurts me - please can you not request this of me because I do not find it healthy towards the growth of our relationship. If he cares enough about ... (read in full...)

My husband wants to act like my ex in bed!

Q.   Greetings What do you say to this! My husband wanted me to pretend like he was my ex while we were having sex. And my husband said it was harmless fun role play. And I said Role play is nurse/doctor, cops/robbers, etc. Not the ex. I told husb...

A.   6 February 2009: It sounds like he is not yet over his ex (whatever happened there in the past) and is wishing he was still with her - and this is at the heart of what is upsetting you, right? well hun, do not get sad I think its merely a stupid fantasy stuck in his ... (read in full...)

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