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| | *ddie85's profile:I am just an average "joe" who's done a lot of reading, watching, living and learning.
Professionally I am a computer programmer / software developer living in the western portion of the United States.
I enjoy writing on DearCupid: it gives me a good opportunity to work on my writing skills as well as a way to help others. I believe in being decent to people, especially when you are in a relationship. I also believe one's life is important and valuable and you should take advantage of ALL the opportunities given to you.
I am heavily influenced by Dr Laura Schlessinger (www.drlaura.com) as I spent a good part of my college years listening to her on the radio. I've also read plenty of Dear Abby articles and other relationship radio programs throughout my life.
I am an avid runner and have completed marathons, half marathons, and other endurance events. I do believe that fitness and exercise are key components for a happy and healthy life.
My advice is free and if I've helped you, please let me know; it really keeps me coming back for more.
Eddie |
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Can a guy who normally has flings change?
Q. Hi, My question is very simple Can a guy whose never been on more than two dates with a girl,never had relationships only flings and never said 'I love you' till date change? There is this guy I'm seeing,we r not having sex,he asked me out and ...
A. 12 May 2013: Men do change, in my opinion. I am certainly not the man when I was when I was in my 20's -- close in some regards, but different in many ways too.
At your age, though, most of them are players -- especially if he has a track record of bedding ... (read in full...)
I'm married but it feels wrong to let this woman slip through my fingers!
Q. Possible drama ahead.. I am a happily married man with 3 young children and a loving wife. I am also deeply in love with another, younger, single woman. I'm approaching 40 and so I can understand that this may related to a mid-life crisis, but I tr...
A. 12 May 2013: There is never an easy nor a good answer this to question and I truly do feel for you. It makes it harder for you because obviously you have a long-standing marriage as well as children to consider. It is also one you must answer for yourself... ... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling so angry at my ex and the girl he cheated with?
Q. I don't want to make a long post here, but my 4 year relationship ended because my boyfriend cheated on me with another woman. I know it's my boyfriends fault, but I can't help but feel so angry towards her as well. She knew he was in a relatio...
A. 12 May 2013: Wounds like yours takes time. There really isn't a magic cure to getting over a hurt like this.
What I suspect is going on is that you don't really have closure. I am sure there are many questions in your mind as to what would possess your boy... (read in full...)
He says I don't turn him on sexually. Porn is his preference. Do I stay for the sake of our children or leave?
Q. Hey everyone. Am depressed need your advice. I am mother of twins they are only 3 years. My husband of 4 years has told me we should split up in several occassions. I have found him on dating sites twice and everytime he diactivate the a...
A. 11 May 2013: Whether or not to leave is a decision that you must have the strength to answer. There are so many variables that you need to reconcile with yourself. I also empathize with you -- leaving a marriage with children is never easy. I know the pain ... (read in full...)
He shows all the signs of not wanting to be with me but claims this isn't the case?
Q. I have been with my fiancee for nearly three years - we got engaged at New Year this year. He has an adorable little girl who I love too. When we got together we had a lot of problems with his ex (we still do) refusing to move on and we have had ...
A. 11 May 2013: Clearly there is something going with your boyfriend and your relationship with one another. I think this should give you pause before marrying him -- especially if road to the altar has been as rocky as yours.
Marriage doesn't make anything... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a subscription to zoosk. Should I worry?
Q. I have just found that my gf (2 years) has a subscription to zoosk. Should I be worried ? I feel angry and betrayed. I assume zoosk is an online dating site ? I reckon she is up to no good? Could anyone advice me on how I should approach this?...
A. 11 May 2013: Yes, zoosk is a dating site.
The question that needs to be answered is she active on zoosk or is something from the time before she met you?
Assuming you are in a committed relationship (and I assume you are), I think you need to make a determ... (read in full...)
My husband is more interested in the TV than me
Q. I get my feelings hurt because I do not see my husband all day and when he gets home the first thing he does is go to the TV and stays there all night.(when I do talk to him he doesn't hear half of what I say either) I work part time and...
A. 10 May 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know the pain of being treated the way you were by someone you love.
Clearly, there is something going on here -- more than I think you realize. I get the impression that you are more roommate... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the guilt trips my ex lays on me?
Q. Short and Sweet: How do I not let his guilt trips get to me, and how to get him to move on? Backstory: I was with my ex for 1.5 years, and it was great for the most part. Certain traits I didn't care for, and vice versa, but it worked. No plans...
A. 10 May 2013: I can emphasize on how you must be feeling about that. I know on many levels you know you are done, but at the same time you have some residual feelings for him. It is hard to completely let go of someone -- especially as close of a bond you once ... (read in full...)
How do I handle the visitation of my ex seeing our baby after its born? He left me and is an alcoholic
Q. What to do when the father of my baby wants to see her after shes born?? I am now 20 weeks pregnant and alone. The father left me for dead and I havent heard boo from him. I have accepted the fact that Im going to be a single parent. The father is ...
A. 3 May 2013: It sounds like you've made your peace with the choices you made and I do feel badly for your situation. Reading your post, I am very concerned for you and I am not 100% sure what you are looking for in terms of answers.
You may be delusion... (read in full...)
How can I compete? My boyfriend chooses marijuana over me.
Q. So my fiance and partner of 11 years had told me outright that marijuana is more important to his life than me. We have both smoked recreationally since before we met, but lately he has taken it to a whole new level. Over the many years that ...
A. 3 May 2013: Sadly, I think he's giving you an answer here and you are having a hard time accepting it. He has flat out told you that if he has to choose between pot and you, he is going to choose pot.
It appears like your boyfriend's past time has become m... (read in full...)
She slept with men for money until we started dating. Red flag?
Q. Hi, I recently started dating a beautiful girl, a model/student. We've known each other for some time, and I was interested in her, but I knew she sometimes slept with men for money. In her business, she says it is somewhat more common than we might...
A. 3 May 2013: Clearly this is a red flag -- more so for you. Being that you are very early in the relationship and you are starting to see and feel the realities of dating an ex-prostitute, I hope you go into this with your eyes wide open.
Personally, I think ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant again and all the old problems with my boyfriend and the last pregnancy have resurfaced
Q. I've been with my boyfriend 4 and a half years and we have a 2 almost 3 year old. We have been trying for a few months to get pregnant and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Our son wasn't planned but it worked out ok, and he's a lovely little boy. When I wa...
A. 3 May 2013: I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can only imagine the anguish you are going through.
First off, does your boyfriend have a drinking problem? Or perhaps a periodic one: where he goes through hard drinking phases. From my ... (read in full...)
When is it okay in a relationship to criticize someone, if ever, and when does it border on verbal abuse?
Q. I have a general question about verbal abuse and criticism. When is it okay in a relationship to criticize someone, if ever, and when does it border on verbal abuse? Just one example, my boyfriend came downstairs this morning, saw I had made him a...
A. 3 May 2013: Sorry to hear that you had a tough morning. We get those from time to time.
What I am sensing is that your boyfriend lacks tact. There is a way to tell someone that what they are doing isn't up to snuff or doesn't meet their expectat... (read in full...)
He can cum when he watches porn, when he thinks I'm asleep. But with me he can't last. Is it me? Am not sexy enough for him?
Q. hi everybody .. i got married 6 months ago. I am 25 and my husband 36 now .. when we have sex he cant keep his penis hard for a long time and he doesn't cum always .. I have read about it and found out that it's because of alcohol and smoking and ...
A. 3 May 2013: From the sounds of it, you have already identified the problems in your relationship... and yet you some how blame yourself...
1) Your husband drinks and smokes. Does he drink excessively? Depending upon the depths of his bad habits, this wil... (read in full...)
My man refuses to have sex with me for the past 4 months
Q. So for the past 4 months out of my 10 month relationship my boyfriend has not touched me. He says that he is not emotionally ready. Due to issues we have been having. I know one thing for a fact is that he is not cheating. I am becoming extremely ...
A. 3 May 2013: You don't give us many details to go on here, but my first question would be: have you had sex before with one another?
If not, then I think his reasons for not wanting sex are largely justifiable... he isn't ready for that level of a relation... (read in full...)
Will a guy ever see me as "special"?
Q. Hello my questions is about my dating history. I have a few boyfriends in the past. I have noticed that men like to chase women they like women who are hard to get. For some reason I don't why men don't chase me. I have to make all the moves in the ...
A. 2 May 2013: Unfortunately, from your post, you don't really give us too many clues to work off of in regards why guys aren't going for you. Normally, most men complain that they have a hard time finding a date or someone to connect with.
Here are my sugge... (read in full...)
My fiancé 'needs space'!
Q. I am having a major panic. Im engaged (was) to be married this December. Two weeks ago my fiance had an arguement that escalated and we pretty much havnt spoken. Now at the best of times he can be insecure and Im getting all the blame here as I ...
A. 2 May 2013: I am sorry to see that you are going through this. I know the difficulty you are going through: primarily, are you still together or not?
The fact that this has been going on for a few weeks now, doesn't bode well for your relationship. Couples ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to stop yelling at me all the time?
Q. So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and in the beginning he would never yell at me, but now it's like everything I do is wrong. I can't talk to certain people otherwise he gets really angry and threatens to leave me, if I don't do ...
A. 2 May 2013: It certainly sounds like you have reached an impasse in your relationship. While you have only given us a brief glimpse into your situation I sense there is a lot more going on than him just yelling at you.
I suspect that your boyfriend is very ... (read in full...)
I've just found out my boyfriend has a second child with his ex, I don't think I can deal with him having so many kids but I'm pregnant with his baby! Help!
Q. Just found out my boyfriend has another baby with his first baby mama, they already have a son I knew about. im also 5 months pregnant with his baby, he said he just found out that her daughter is his, he didn't cheat with her the baby was before me ...
A. 2 May 2013: First off, take a deep breath. You don't have to make a decision today and you are still reeling with the news.
I think part of this process is accepting that your boyfriend is going to be having another child. Unfortunately, it does mean the... (read in full...)
Has anyone heard of a man being impotent with no known cause?
Q. I have a serious dilemma about my marriage. My husband suddenly went impotent 8 years ago, and lost his sex drive 100%. Since than he went to numerous doctors,but they didn't find anything wrong with his health. They said, it is likely ...
A. 2 May 2013: Yes, this does happen and if he is of similar age to you, it could just be that he has reached a certain age where his body no longer has sexual urges. Sadly, it happens to many men in their 40's and more often as they get older. Often this rarely ... (read in full...)
It's as if I want friends but I'm afraid to be hurt
Q. m female, in my late 20's, attractive, intelligent,confident, well dressed and I have great hygiene. I have no problems meeting new people and being in large groups. I find interacting with other people easy. I don't suffer from any social ...
A. 2 May 2013: Sadly, what you are going through is largely normal. As we age, it gets harder and harder to make friends. People start families, get married, focus on careers, and generally start heading in different directions. To compound matters, you are an ... (read in full...)
He cant be bothered with intimacy anymore, am I wrong for wanting more than just companionship?
Q. Is it wrong to want more than companionship?? Hi I'm in a relationship with a guy who I've known 10 yrs. I'm in my late thirties. My relationship has been a Rocky one. He has always been the one running back and I have allowed this. The last 6 mths ...
A. 1 May 2013: Guys his age can run low on sex drive -- it does happen to men in their 40's.
I suspect your sex life could use a reset - especially if he is resorting to using pornography to get by. Perhaps there is something you are doing (or not doing) t... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty? My ex-husband and I live together and take care of our kids, we haven't had sex in over 2 years, and I have started seeing someone!
Q. my ex-husband and I live together and take care of our kids we have had no sexual relations in over 2 years he hasn't even tried. he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me. He doesn't even touch me in anyway. I have talked to him about it. he said ...
A. 1 May 2013: I think you have to get straight with yourself on whether you are in a relationship with your ex-husband, or not. From all outward appearances you are: you live together, you share bills, you raise your children together, and yet the magic or glue ... (read in full...)
Hubby has no job and exchanges sexual pictures with girls online. Help?
Q. Ok im not sure what way to turn... i can really go to my friends like i want too because i dont want them to judge.... but all ive done is cry today... i been with my husband for 15 years off and on but only been married 4 months... we have 5 lil ...
A. 21 April 2013: I am sorry to see that you are going through this. I can only imagine the hurt, betrayal and pain you are feeling.
You basically have two options: run or fight.
1) If you decide to run, I suggest contacting a good lawyer. The fact that your h... (read in full...)
How do I stop this crush? Met him at AA meeting, but he's way older than me
Q. Have a crush on a guy at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting! I'm 18 and recently got out of rehab about a months ago and started going to the local AA meeting. AA meetings is the last place I thought I'd devolp a crush on someone. But for the past 3 ...
A. 20 April 2013: First off, congratulations on getting sober. You have taken a HUGE step in improving your life.
One of the tenants or recommendations for many 12-step programs is not to engage in any form of relationships until you have a year of sobriety... (read in full...)
Is he holding out on me? He's kind and funny. But it seems he might also has Erectile dysfunction.
Q. So I've met a new partner and everything is going amazing! He's kind, funny, everything I could ask for! Until we got in the bedroom! He's 54 and can't get it up! Well he can because I've felt it and in foreplay he's been hard! There's a bi...
A. 20 April 2013: At his age, it wouldn't be too surprising to find out that he has ED. Many men, beginning in their 40's, begin to experience some form of this -- particularly if they are overweight and out of shape.
To make matters worse it eventually becomes ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my insecurities are interfering in the bedroom
Q. Hello everyone, I’m in need for some advice. I would like to be sexy for my husband… but I have no idea how to. I don’t think I am sexy or have to looks to be considered sexy. I love my husband and I love sex with him. But I’m scared. I have always ...
A. 20 April 2013: I agree with the other replies here: guys look at a variety of pornography and it doesn't necessarily reflect something you are lacking.
First off, I do have to commend you for exercising. I believe normal exercise promotes a healthy body ima... (read in full...)
Broken hearted over a truly nice guy who backed way off by overhanging things on his own without talking to me
Q. I started dating a man i have liked for years, about 3 months ago. He knew I had kids and my age (43) when we started dating. We live about an hour away, don't see each other alot, but texted every day. Things have been great, he's said i am ...
A. 20 April 2013: Please accept my sympathies on what you are going through. I can certainly relate to what you are going through.
I agree with the other people replying to your question: it certainly sounds like he has some qualms about possibly being a steppare... (read in full...)
My bf cares about my organsm but will not let me pleasure him. How can I help him just let go and have fun with me?
Q. I am dating the greatest guy, he's 30 and im 26. We've been together for about 5 months now and recently had sex for the first time. He was a virgin (im was not) so it was something very special for him. He loves foreplay and is wonderful with h...
A. 20 April 2013: It sounds like you have a very sensitive and caring boyfriend. Compared to what many women complain about on this site, I think you've got a keeper.
The fact that he is going so long can prevent him from "finishing" It is one of those things t... (read in full...)
Her husband is trying to make up with her -- should I let her go?
Q. I met a girl online locally, she been married for 3 years. Husband cheated on her and hit on her, lied to her, and made her feel less of a woman. We met up, and talked, and found a connection. Eventually we kinda hooked up telling each other we love ...
A. 18 April 2013: Your woman is going through a very traumatic time in her life. Divorce always causes so much emotional turmoil and the fact that she hasn't committed to going through with it indicates to me she isn't sure what she wants.
While I don't doubt he... (read in full...)
Girlfriend accepted an offer to go for a drink with another guy
Q. Hi Basically, my girlfriend works and there is a shop she visits everyday on her breaks. A new guy has been working there for a while till the end of the month and she was telling me there is a little flirting when she sees him. Anyway, one rand...
A. 18 April 2013: Look on the bright side: your girlfriend was honest with you and called off the date.
On the downside, she didn't see this as a come-on. When a man asks a woman out for a drink, it isn't to be just friends. This is a getting to know you - do we ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems obsessed with his low-life loser friend
Q. my boyfriend of 10 years recently got together with a friend he went to high school with. This "friend" Mark, cheats on his girl, hits on everything that walks (embarrasing - he is such a loser)and encourages my boyfriend to cheat (boyfriend says he ...
A. 18 April 2013: From your description, it appears that your boyfriend has a bit of a man crush on his friend. They probably ran together in school and I imagine your boyfriend is thinking about times they had in the past and how free and easy life was. I am sure ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for your boyfriend to start acting like a jerk?
Q. Is it normal for your boyfriend to begin acting like a jerk? Mine has started ignoring me for 15 hours at a time for video games, telling me he doesn't like texting because it annoys him, never wants to stay on the phone with me, and hardly ever ...
A. 18 April 2013: While it is difficult to ascertain exactly what his motives are, it sounds like you are starting to see what your boyfriend is truly like when life gets difficult.
Your boyfriend may love you but his actions are speaking louder than words. ... (read in full...)
Is my husband at the root of all my problems?
Q. I have had such a difficult couple of years. Long story short. -I have been a stay at home Mum for nearly 4 years. Gave up my sort of "career" to raise my two kids. Which as left me feeling neglected and unappreciated. - My parents are div...
A. 17 April 2013: Sorry to hear that you are going through a traumatic period in your life.
It sounds like you are wrestling with change: your husband has let you down, the rock that was your parents' marriage has been shattered, and your dreams of your career c... (read in full...)
I kicked him out for cheating and now he's begging to come back
Q. I am 35 years old and have been with my husband for 7 years .. i found out 8 months after our marriage that he was cheating on me even before we got married... I forgave him.. in Sept 2012 i lost my baby at 6 months pregnant and 2 weeks later fo...
A. 17 April 2013: It sounds like for most of your dating "life" and married life with this man, he has cheated on you. What makes you think he won't cheat again and what makes you think you know all about his current indiscretions? I am guessing he has had more ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time trying to save this marriage?
Q. My husband of 13 years had affair that went on for 6 months. She didnt know he was married and he never told her. Didnt. Take long for me to figure out what he was doing and i never left our home all info i learned thru different things. Its been 6 ...
A. 17 April 2013: I agree with old bag. It takes two to fix a marriage and clearly your husband isn't working on salvaging what's left of your marriage. I suspect he is either consumed with guilt or doesn't want the marriage to end out of fear that he'll actually ... (read in full...)
Should I Swallow my pride or just move on?
Q. I left my husband a year ago because I found out he was cheating on me, we haven't filed for divorce but live in separate houses and live separate lives. I was so determine to file for divorce with my taxes money this year so that I could finally ...
A. 10 April 2013: I think the only person that can answer this question is you. There are no guarantees in life and you'll certainly be taking a risk in going back to your husband. Things could work out blissfully or he could be going through the motions of being a ... (read in full...)
If she was so disgusted why didn't she make him wear a condom?
Q. this is a similar problem to what many other guys posted about being obsessed with their wives past sex lives. but this is a little different. she was married to this selfish loser for twenty years, had two kids by him.was a virgin she discovered ...
A. 10 April 2013: I think you are over obsessing about your wife's sexual past. She was married to the man after all and even though she couldn't stand him, she had sex with him -- enough to produce two children. Also, she was married to him for 20 years... that's ... (read in full...)
Will I be labeled as a liar? I didn't tell the truth about how many sexual partners I have had
Q. Hello, I'm writing because I'm in a bit of a situation. I was in a relationship for 7 years from the age of 15 and completely adored the guy. On reflection, he was rather manipulative, unsupprotive and didn't really care about me. This was a...
A. 9 April 2013: Why not try stating this:
"I have loved and lost before but I have only slept with people I truly cared / loved. That feeling is extremely rare for me and takes time to develop and I reserve that activity for when that event occurs."
That wa... (read in full...)
Does he really love me or does he just not want to hurt me?
Q. I have been friends with this guy for about 5 years and have been having sex with him for just as long. We both agreed it was a "no strings attached" relationship. A few months ago we were both at the same bar and he acted like he didn't even know ...
A. 9 April 2013: The fact that your "relationship" has lasted 5 years indicates to me that there is probably something more going on than just friends with benefits. In most FWB situations, people use one another, grow tired or find someone new and move on. ... (read in full...)
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