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Nora B, Sharing thoughts on observations about life and struggle

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22 October 2016: In this day and age when trains stations are crammed with people,coming and going,roadways are congested with traffic. Meeting deadlines maybe at the cost of ones job. Emotions have taken a backseat,love and friendship are something to be ...

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My grandmother died and I've lost my job

Q.   I'm not one to ask for advice but I really need some. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress and I'm not sure how to cope, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. On January 10th my grandma who I was really close to died a...

A.   16 February 2017: This is a very difficult time for you,and the passing of your beloved grandmother was and is difficult for you to come to terms with.However you have asked for help and that is a positive start for you.So would you consider counselling, to deal with ... (read in full...)

I am 61 and living with a man who's sought my approval to go out with other women. Is this acceptable?

Q.   I am 61 years and /i nnnnnnnnnhave this man I met on a dating site last year it is coming up on a year we became friends on Facebook and chat and text almost daily. We have not met in person yet but he had asked about the possibility of moving i...

A.   7 February 2017: This is a very hurtful situation for you to be in.Please understand this man is a user and had no feeling for you or in fact for any woman who he will meet.You will notice ALL is on his terms,do not allow this man to do this to you.Best advise i can ... (read in full...)

Has this man gone cold on me?

Q.   Hi, I've been dating this guy for about 3 months now. He asked me to be his girlfriend on our third date. We get on really well and can actually have great conversations on our dates and through texts (he only likes to text as feels anxious ca...

A.   5 February 2017: This is a very hurtful situation for you, and i do understand how you are feeling.However for your sake it would NOT be wise to approach him at all,because as you stated when you suggested meeting up..he ignored you So do not put your self in a ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's excuse didn't cut it with me

Q.   So my boyfriend of 9 months didn't come to my sister's wedding yesterday. I was annoyed to start when he said he couldn't come a month before the wedding but when I heard his excuse I was more annoyed. I don't get on well with my family and ...

A.   5 February 2017: I can understand,why you are annoyed,and disappointed that your boyfriend did not attend the wedding.However maybe he does not like weddings.[2]Or it could be as you have made him aware that you do not get on with your family,he thought there could ... (read in full...)

Our marriage is totally devoid of all physical contact!

Q.   I am writing to you because I feel I have no one to tell. I have been married for 20 years to a woman who is the mother of my three children (19, 17 1nd 12). We haven't had sex since before the birth of our youngest child and its killing me. In f...

A.   28 January 2017: This is very difficult for you and very hard to handle.You seem a very kind ,caring man,and i can also understand the reason you decided to go to sex-workers.However this is not the is only make the situation More difficult to handle and ... (read in full...)

I need to let go of the past. Can someone give me some advice on how to do that?

Q.   Me and my significant other have been in a relationship for 5 months, however, I've been in love with her (the love was for the most part unrequited) for about 3 years. We've started to plan a future with each other. But recently, we dis...

A.   22 January 2017: This is a difficult situation for you to be in and as you must let go of the past before anything can progress,and on this level you are quiet right. However would you consider sitting down with your girlfriend and have a very open ... (read in full...)

Inside I can be calm and logical, yet I cry too much. Any suggestions on how to control my reactions?

Q.   I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 27. He's my first serious relationship since college and for some reason, I cry all the time which I've never done before. We have a great relationship but when there's even a slight issue, I cry. I don't cry on purpose...

A.   21 January 2017: As you stated this is your first serious relationship,and it very important to you.Its not always easy getting to know someone at the start,and sometimes we misunderstand the situation and get into a your case you cry.You are a very ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend lost his job, became depressed and now won't speak to me!

Q.   I'm in a pretty bad situation. I dated a guy for 6 months long distance and were very serious- he met my family, I spoke to his, our parents talked- we were on the marriage track. 4 months into it he told me that he was unemployed. It threw me for a ...

A.   9 January 2017: This is very difficult for you, and in all you have done your best in understanding him.going with the flow to suit him.I can also understand why you are confused,because this guy is giving you mixed signs.Be gentle with yourself..WISH THIS GUY ALL ... (read in full...)

He still has a dating profile up ...

Q.   My new boyfriend ( of 2 week ) still has a dating profile online , hes open about it and says he has 'friends' on there . should i tell him he needs to prove theyre friends by showing me the conversations hes having or demand he deletes his profile ...

A.   9 January 2017: As you stated your new boyfriend of 2 weeks,this is a very short time.Right now do not do anything,because if you do he could very well deceide that he is not happy being told what to do.A relationship is build on friendship and above all Trust.Now ... (read in full...)

How can I help my autistic brother have a normal life?

Q.   I would like some advice on what to do when you're autistic, aware of the way you differ from other 'normal' people, but still want to have a normal life that involves getting a job and a partner? I am asking on behalf of my brother because ...

A.   28 December 2016: This is a most difficult situation for you when you as a Normal person look at the situation re- your brother. But the question is ....WHAT IS NORMAL.... this is a most overrated term.What is normal for one person,maybe not be normal for another.I ... (read in full...)

I am having difficulty with my girlfriend's son

Q.   Hi guys, im 8 months into a relationship with my girlfriend and things are goin great with us, we have such a laugh when we are together, but im having a very hard time warming to her 12 year old son who lives with her, sometimes hes fine but most ...

A.   27 December 2016: I can understand how you feel,and maybe the problems you might have if you move in with your girlfriend.First of all you are right now very wise to be Aware of what could arise in this situation.But because you are Aware,this is half of the problem ... (read in full...)

It's now 2/3 days, is he uninterested? Should I just leave it, or pursue him?

Q.   Hi, I work with a guy I really fancy but was unsure if he was interested in me so I backed off. Co-workers have been trying to set us up for the past 6 months but I know he's incredibly shy. He's always asking where I'm going out at at the week...

A.   27 December 2016: Its difficult when you fancy someone and they are slow to react to you. However no matter how shy he is ,he if wants to will get around to ask you out .So all you can do is respond to him in a friendly,warm,cheerful way,and hope for the best.It ... (read in full...)

Why do some men say things to their partner the man thinks may sound supportive, and yet concurrently they collect pictures of women and porn?

Q.   I know this might seem a dumb question but it's bothered me in a lot of relationships I've been in as I've noticed most guys seem to do it and think it's no big deal to lie about it . Why do some men say things to their partner like 'you're the only...

A.   25 December 2016: Because inside every man there is a little boy.Did you ever hear the old saying ...BOYS WILL BE BOYS...and that what you are dealing with.There is another old saying.THERE IS NO HARM AT LOOKING AT THE MENU.....meaning men will look.Yes i can ... (read in full...)

In a committed, passionate, loving relationship. Am I wrong for feeling 'put down' or like a 'one night stand'?

Q.   Here are the basics in order to fully understand my feelings about this situation: I am a 35 yr old male and she is 34. We have been in a committed relationship for a year now. We have a what we call "remarkable" relationship that truthfully ...

A.   25 December 2016: First of all ,i can quiet understand how you must have had strong feelings over her remarks.[which i am sure they were not directed at you]As she stared into space, she must have had a flash back to her past,and her unhappy sexual encounters with ... (read in full...)

How can we slow things down? And why does he keep slipping out?

Q.   Ok, so, After messaging and chatting to my guy, we both agreed to meet . I really like him, he likes me too. We get on so well, laughing, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We arranged a few more dates, there is definately a spa...

A.   1 October 2016: Thanks for the follow-up much appreciated.Hope everything will work out for you.Regards NORA B.... (read in full...)

How can we slow things down? And why does he keep slipping out?

Q.   Ok, so, After messaging and chatting to my guy, we both agreed to meet . I really like him, he likes me too. We get on so well, laughing, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We arranged a few more dates, there is definately a spa...

A.   1 October 2016: First of all this has nothing to do with your parts,so have no worry on this level.However if this situation continues,he may have what the call ..Erectile Dysfunction..this is the medical term used when a man is unable to hold an erection for full ... (read in full...)

How can we slow things down? And why does he keep slipping out?

Q.   Ok, so, After messaging and chatting to my guy, we both agreed to meet . I really like him, he likes me too. We get on so well, laughing, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We arranged a few more dates, there is definately a spa...

A.   30 September 2016: It is lovely to know that you both have such a loving relationship,and he is very lucky in that you are understanding.However this can happen a man at any age.There may be many reasons for this to happen[1] Is he on any sort of ... (read in full...)

Will I ever love someone the way I loved my ex?

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend years ago but I thought about him a lot and he's only just got a new girlfriend after 4 years. My question is is it possible that I won't love any one as much as I did him? As this ever happened to anyone else tha...

A.   28 September 2016: This is a painful situation for you after all those years.But Yes Yes this situation has and is happening to many many people.We all have a special old love in the past that no other person can hold a candle to.Treasure it,but remember it is in the ... (read in full...)

My fiance is disrespectful to me. Do I make him jealous?

Q.   My fiance has been disrespectful to me. Whenever we argue, he quickly storm up and get out from the room. But while he is nice, hes so thoughtful about me. I feel he has avoidant personality and doesnt have much empathy. He is not used to be l...

A.   25 September 2016: I ,think you should sit down and thank your lucky stars,that he has the wisdom to leave the room,and leave time between you both to calm down after arguement.Because both people can say lots of hurtful in the heat of the moment,which cannot be taken ... (read in full...)

Is it selfish if I get mad at my boyfriend's appearance and silly behavior?

Q.   Is it selfish if I get mad at my boyfriend's appearance and silly behavior? Once he joked about we're having budget marriage with other bridegrooms in a ballroom. He also joked about the pressure of marriage in front of my friends. He said marriage ...

A.   25 September 2016: Reading your mail,it seems that you do not even like this guy anymore, never mind love him.The magic of love does not always remain As time goes on [1] you will either grow together or[2] grow apart.There is no one to blame here,its just ... (read in full...)

How am I meant to deal with and understand his total neglect?

Q.   Hi, there's this guy [14 years older my senior but really fit and good looking]living in an adjacent country and coming to my city for work 3-4 times a year. We have known each other for about 3 years now.. The night before last night he told he...

A.   21 September 2016: You are not in the wrong at all,so do not worry on that level. He is the one in the wrong,and he should contact you.Would you consider to wait for him to contact you,i know it might be difficult for you to do that.Maybe it might be the best thing to ... (read in full...)

Husband constantly nagging and critiquing

Q.   My husband is constantly nagging and correcting. He is a generally likeable guy but when he gets close to somebody like wife or kids he critiques all the time where it sounds verbally abusive. He sees very little wrong with himself. He has a lo...

A.   20 September 2016: Its very difficult to listen to nagging all the time,and it is also very unfair.However your husband,is feeling.[1] That he is not the main breadwinner[as you earn the most money][2]You have a masters degree....he has not.There is no doubt that he ... (read in full...)

I feel sad that he lost all interest. What can I do to avoid this happening again?

Q.   I need some advice! A few months ago I started a relationship with my housemate but it didn't work out, and I'm worried it's because I freaked him out and made him pull away. I'd love to know how best to move on and learn from this. So we were onl...

A.   17 September 2016: First of all this has nothing at all to do with you.At the start he showed interest ,because he just wanted sex...and nothing more.Would you consider asking him to leave and find someone to share,because its very difficult for you to be living in ... (read in full...)

My weight gain makes me feel he might stray

Q.   I've been with my husband for 18 years, we were high school sweethearts and married when I was 22. We have 4 kids together and love a very comfortable life. We have a good relationship , we argue like any normal couple but we don't have any huge ...

A.   16 September 2016: Yes i can understand the way you are thinking,its not always easy to keep to a strict weight plan.However would you consider walking extra every day,maybe join a gym,and perhaps eat smaller amount of food,not alone will you feel happy for ... (read in full...)

Is it really wrong to pay for sex

Q.   I have reading the many posts on dearcupid from men who are contemplating paying for sex. I see that most people are against it, like it is the lowest a guy can go. I am at the lowest point in my life now and it will only get worse. I have Marfan ...

A.   15 September 2016: That just is...You will only paying for sex and maybe very disappointed with the experience.A MAN/WOMAN first experience should be..that you are not just having sex..But making LOVE.There is a huge difference,so try and get to know and like some ... (read in full...)

The sex used to be mindblowing and not it is not. What could be possible reasons for this ?

Q.   I have been with my man for 13 years. In beginning our sex was mind blowing ! And over the years it has gone up and down ! But the last couple of years he doesnt think he should do anything . Well when it is time to have sex then he is up fo...

A.   15 September 2016: That is one of the many things that a woman will think.[1]He is making love to someone else[2]He does not find me attractive anymore.[3]If he masterbates .This is a super sensitive issue for any man and also difficult for any woman to ... (read in full...)

My married BF doesn't want his wife to know about us until he has removed all his belongings from his former home. Seems he cares more about his belongings than me. What should I do?

Q.   Ok so here is my dilemma I am 29 dating my friend who is married he is 30 and his twin brother who is also 30. Ok so how this happened was I just recently moved back home and I ran into an old friend of mine that I have had a crush on since I ...

A.   15 September 2016: It is often very difficult to meet up with an old boyfriend.However his feelings for you must have not been very strong for you first time round,otherwise he would not have marries someone else.Now he is a Married man,and cheating on his ... (read in full...)

He's ten years younger. Should I wait for him to make the first move ? He did give me his number.

Q.   I've been single for over a year so now ready to date again. I noticed a guy who works at my gym but he never smiles. I noticed little things that he made me wonder if he fancied me. I would catch him staring or often feel him staring. He woul...

A.   14 September 2016: The something that tells you to wait,for him to make the next move,is the right choice.Keep talking,smiling,and a cheerful hello...but it would be wise to allow it to happen.Because you do not know his history and by that i mean...he maybe healing ... (read in full...)

I am married to a lovely man but still pine for my ex but I don't want to feel that way!

Q.   im married to a guy who has been seen by my family. i was in relationship with a guy for 4 years before my wedding but he left me for another girl. so in that anger i just accepted for this wedding. my husband is really a nice person. he knows my ...

A.   12 September 2016: This is a very sad situation for you to be in,and also a strain on your husband.However you are aware of having a loving,and understanding husband and this is something to be treasured.However we all have pined for a ...lost love..If you like fields ... (read in full...)

What can I do? We've been dating for several years and he hasn't proposed yet

Q.   Dear Cupid I have a great boyfriend. It's not bias nor my imagination, he is attentive and thoughtful and I am quite spoiled actually..when I come home my dinner is always ready and he is always ready with cuddles after work too Problem is we ...

A.   11 September 2016: How lovely to read that you both have such a wonderful relationship,and that its on going.Its not always easy being a woman and i feel very much that you had great patients with him.However would you consider having an indept chat with him,telling ... (read in full...)

How do I make him think I'm confident?

Q.   Hello everyone , my question is very simple and basic i do not want to be preached , i just need a little help I like this guy that i met and he has implied quite a few times that he is attracted to confident women, sth which i have always stru...

A.   10 September 2016: Just be who you are ,you are a wonderful human person,and say to yourself..I am a ENOUGH FOR ME...if that is not enough for this guy,then that is his loss.Meet someone,who will appreciate you for YOU.The best gift to give to someone is to accept ... (read in full...)

I dream of becoming a writer but need a push to take the next step

Q.   I wrote an article for an international blog and i was commended on my work. I remained anonymous though; and its still grossingba lot of views. I have always wanted to write but even with this i still dont believe i am a good writer even thou...

A.   8 September 2016: Do not just DREAM THE DREAM....LIVE THE DREAM, The only person stopping you is You.No point in thinking about it..DO IT...have faith in you ,it very important to USE the gifts we are given.You are young,do not waste years,dreaming.....put pen to ... (read in full...)

Am I just the side chick? How can I go forward when he treats me as just a friend, never his GF?

Q.   It has been a while that I have written on this. So, there is this guy I've known for the last three years of high school and we've kept contact streaming into the life of college. Throughout the years I 've known him since high school we've man...

A.   7 September 2016: Its not easy when you are in-love with someone and they are not in love with you.As you have asked the question..AM I JUST THE SIDE CHICK..You have answered your own question,and Yes you are the side chick.This is not love on his side just a handy ... (read in full...)

Is my past affecting my current relationships? what can I do ?

Q.   I really feel that my past has been having a very strong affect on my relationships. I grew up with my grandparents, one of which was only my grandparent due to marrige. I lived with them most of my childhood ,things there caused it to be unsafe a...

A.   7 September 2016: It was very sad to learn that you had an unhappy childhood.Our childhood should be a time of feeling loved,safe and allowed to have a proper childhood,a time to learn the guidlelines for life,and the difference between right and wrong.You are right ... (read in full...)

Are women turned off by men who are inferior to them?

Q.   Is a man who can't turn a woman on sexually a man who she can defeat in every way? Eg. intelligence, height, size, financial earnings, etc, etc, etc. If yes, does this mean a man should try to be better in every area, without directly competi...

A.   6 September 2016: I note you state...A WOMAN...there are many women in the world,so choose a woman that is a right fit for you .Love is not competing with each other but helping to bring the best out in each other Is is accepting each other as equal,with ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want to rush. I really like him and want this to go somewhere. What can I do?

Q.   I've been talking to this guy since December 2015. We have been on two date and speak pretty much every day. He works away offshore so it's hard to meet up with his as he is often away. Part of me wants to ask him what are we? As it has been s...

A.   4 September 2016: Now that you are talking every day would seem that you both are good friends,but the question is ,does he see you only as a friend or in the romantic light of a girlfriend.The point is as he stated he likes things to happen....but you nor he know if ... (read in full...)

We argued. I sent apology. No reply. Do I give her more time alone?

Q.   Been with my girlfriend for 4 years. After a major argument over the phone. Finished with her saying that she has had enough and then after the call she texted me to say "please don't come back here tonight". So for the last few days ive stayed a...

A.   4 September 2016: The phone is a dreadful place to have a major argument.However would you consider giving her a little extra space to think things out.Because we all get so up-set and say things we dont mean in the heat of the moment.Maybe then a text just to see ... (read in full...)

He's keeping me hanging on until he's ready. So what do I do?

Q.   My ex partner and I had a rocky relationship for around 3 years. I moved out last November after it became impossible to live together. I found it difficult to bond with his daughter ( I have two sons from my marriage) and found it difficult to ...

A.   3 September 2016: On a very positive note ..Well done have done you utmost,seeking help,admitting at some level that you were in the wrong,trying to talk to him about can do no more.But as you know it takes 2 people in a relationship,and its looks to ... (read in full...)

Pregnancy dilemma

Q.   Okay let's see so I dated this guy for about 6 months and we broke up 3 weeks ago due to the fact that he didn't trust me and always thought I was cheating on him and it just put a huge strain on our relationship so we ended it. Two days ago I went ...

A.   3 September 2016: This is a very painful choice to make to tell him or not,considering your health problems and stress.However it is most important that you go back to you doctor that you are attending,as he know you on a personal level and is aware of all your ... (read in full...)

Mixed messages online

Q.   I am in the process of leaving my son's father. We're not married. Things haven't been good between us in over a year. I am basically living here until I have a place for my son and me to go. I recently got on one of the online chat apps just to ...

A.   3 September 2016: As you are in the process of leaving your sons dad,this is not a good time to try and start a relationship with someone.Right now you need to think in a logical fashion for your son and yourself, for example where are you both going to live? Will it ... (read in full...)

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