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*ensitiveBloke agony aunt

*ensitiveBloke

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*ensitiveBloke's profile:

I am a Christian and my life experiences and advice are shaped by my faith.

I always try to offer advice that lines up with the Bible's teachings on relationships.

I'm a passionate believer in marriage, and will always encourage husbands and wives to do everything they possibly can to make their marriages work.

I'm not here to force my views on anyone, but I hope I can give genuinely helpful advice whenever possible.

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Our families forbid us to get married, but I can't see myself with anyone else

Q.   I was in a serious relationship for 9 yrs wid a guy frm my college. But now when v decided to get married, v gt to know dat both our families do not support dis marriage as there is some very old relation wid both our families. By that, they say me ...

A.   1 October 2015: If your boyfriend says he won't leave his family for you, you have no choice but to move on.... (read in full...)

Is it a lost cause to be looking for a man who, within a relationship, does not lust after other women ?

Q.   I'm growing increasingly tired of men thinking they can lust after other women with no consequences. Like us ladies don't notice or we are just supposed to accept it as "men being men". Are there any men out there who genuinely disagree with looking ...

A.   29 September 2015: There are plenty of men who don't lust after porn or other women.... (read in full...)

I am falling in love with my housemate.

Q.   Ok so I've just started uni and I've already got feelings for one of my housemates which is essentially breaking the cardinal rule of freshers. It started when he was being really sweet trying to encourage me to get involved with of the flat (I'm ...

A.   29 September 2015: Just because he's your house mate doesn't mean he can't be your boyfriend! Tell him how you feel and take it from there.... (read in full...)

How do I deal with someone who wants to make it clear their upset but I'm always in the wrong whichever way I approach it or ignore it

Q.   I'm having a hard time getting my boyfriend to communicate with me. He never tells me what's wrong but shows that there clearly is something. Everything could be fine then a little later he can just turn on me and start speaking to me differentl...

A.   13 August 2015: This is his way of punishing you for whatever it is you've done. It's very childish. As Denizen says, communication is vital in relationships. If your boyfriend can't communicate, your relationship will go nowhere.... (read in full...)

Is this friend trustworthy or is he cheating?

Q.   Married woman(14 yrs) love marriage not very easy married life. his folks always tried to rip us apart. he too had an affair but when his financial condition was bad she dumped him. he realised my love nadis now back.his folks are better now.but i ...

A.   10 August 2015: If you are thinking of having an affair, things are not right in your marriage, and they won't get resolved by your having an affair. Concentrate on your marriage and go to counselling if it helps you and your husband to sort out the issues.... (read in full...)

Have my actions and behaviour been inappropriate or sufficient to bring on his jealous and possessive response?

Q.   Hi all, my boyfriend finds it weird that I hang out with my male friends (I only have 3 male friends). He says he can get jealous. I don't hang out with my male friends one on one. It is always in a group of guys and girls and thus far the onl...

A.   7 August 2015: No, I don't think you are doing anything inappropriate here. It seems odd that he's not keen to meet your friends. This is not a good sign. Having friends is a good thing, so he should be happy that you have them.... (read in full...)

Am I the only unhappy one? While all around me people find love and happiness

Q.   It seems everyone is happily in love - except me. I turned this guy down who wanted to meet up with me for sex. I did like him, but I'm quite shy when it comes to men and haven't had many partners apart from one or two. Anyway, since I turned t...

A.   5 August 2015: The happiness of your friends who are in relationships will probably last for some of them but not others. I don't really understand what you're looking for. You seem to want the happiness of a relationship without being in a relation... (read in full...)

Should I know my Bf's financial status before we become exclusive?

Q.   Hey everyone.... I have been a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I love him and I know he loves me too. But the problem is that he is always broke. I am kind of regretting now. I wish I knew the extent of his brokenne...

A.   5 August 2015: I think you need to share your concerns with him. If he agrees to it, sit down with him and go through his finances together to see what can be done to improve things. If he thinks this is a good idea and is keen to put measures into place to... (read in full...)

Is it ok to ask my former HS if she would like to meet for lunch?

Q.   I've been out of HS for 15 years now but I do still keep in touch with my Spanish teacher, because she was more than a teacher to me, she was a strong support and I know for certain I would not be where I am today had it not been for her support and ...

A.   5 August 2015: I think you need to be sensible here. I suggest you always meet her when her husband is also present. Then there is no risk of anything inappropriate happening.... (read in full...)

What choices are there for me to consider? I don't want my son subjected to all this tension any more.

Q.   So I am in a situation where my one and a half year old son, fiancee, and myself are living together with her mom and dad's house so we can save money. Of course it has turned into a complete disaster. My fiancee and I now argue over things like...

A.   29 July 2015: When I say you need to get out of there ASAP, I mean you, your fiancee and your child need to get out of there ASAP.... (read in full...)

What choices are there for me to consider? I don't want my son subjected to all this tension any more.

Q.   So I am in a situation where my one and a half year old son, fiancee, and myself are living together with her mom and dad's house so we can save money. Of course it has turned into a complete disaster. My fiancee and I now argue over things like...

A.   29 July 2015: Living with parents or in-laws does not work when you're older, especially if you have children. You need to get out of there ASAP. This is way more important than the money you're saving. The longer you leave it, the more chance your relation... (read in full...)

How do I stop feeling so bad about myself?

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel such a horrible person. Even though I know it was the right thing to do for both of us I cant help but feel guilty for making him so upset. There were issues in our relationship, but I just didn't love him ...

A.   24 July 2015: To reply to anonymous, the OP says there were issues and she didn't love him. That is enough reason for her to end the relationship. I presume from your answer that you were dumped in favour of a "bad boy". I'm sure you felt awful being dumped, ... (read in full...)

How do I stop feeling so bad about myself?

Q.   I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel such a horrible person. Even though I know it was the right thing to do for both of us I cant help but feel guilty for making him so upset. There were issues in our relationship, but I just didn't love him ...

A.   23 July 2015: You did the right thing for both of you by breaking up with him. He deserves to be with someone who loves him, and he will have that opportunity now.... (read in full...)

How can I determine and confirm if he just wants sex?

Q.   I met a guy online and we talked for a few weeks before having our first date today at a coffee shop. We had a lot in common and he said very sweet things to me, which made me think he liked me. He knew that I was a virgin and that I had never...

A.   16 July 2015: He has shown you very little respect. He's pushing for more and more physical contact with little regard to your feelings. I think you should end things with him right away.... (read in full...)

I've looked forward all year to going into the ocean but because of recent shark attacks my mother is forbidding it!

Q.   This isn't exactly about a romantic relationship,but I'm really hurting and hope you will please help me. It's hurting me a lot. I've got a dilemna. I'm from the coast, and the ocean was always a big part of our lifestyle, and I never had any ...

A.   2 July 2015: You're an adult in your late twenties, so your mum should not be telling you what to do anymore. It's only natural for her to be concerned, but you're a big girl now who should be making her own decisions in life!... (read in full...)

My boyfriend speaks English but uses his language most of the time. I don't like it!

Q.   Hi, I have been dating a guy over 2 years and in the first year we communicated in English and then after a year I noticed he started talking in his native language to everyone his friends,his parents(which he always did)his sister,his best friend w...

A.   30 June 2015: Yes, I think you are over-reacting! You cannot deny someone's heritage. His language is part of who he is. He will naturally want his children to be part of this too. Rather than fighting this, you should be embracing it. How can a language b... (read in full...)

I'm so nervous about dating that I can't show this guy the real me!

Q.   Hi, I am really into this guy, you'll know this if you have read my previous questions. He used to work next door to me and would come to visit me everyday at work and would make it very clear that he liked me. We kissed last week but we're not to...

A.   29 June 2015: It's quite normal to feel nervous going on a date with someone you're just starting to get to know, but it's well worth it! Like most things in life, the first time is always the hardest, but then each time after it gets a easier. You must not... (read in full...)

Love/loveless relationship?

Q.   How do you feel after you've been in a relationship over a year? I'm struggling with what love actually is. My boyfriend and I are about to the point where in the next year or so we might marry, but I don't know if I love him back in the right way. ...

A.   26 June 2015: It sounds like you are not really in love with him. You can't love someone more by willing it to happen. It would be totally wrong to consider marriage. He may love you very much, but you need to be in love with him too. The best thing to do it to... (read in full...)

My Boyfriend wants me to send him nude pictures and I have said No. What can I say to him? He is very angry with me.

Q.   Hi, me and my boyfriend are dating for about 7-8 weeks now; I know him for 6 months now. We have been on dates kissed and he even touched and pressed my breast but we have never done anything more than that . now he is asking me to give him m...

A.   19 June 2015: You are right to say no to sending him pictures. Who the hell does he think he is getting angry about it? It shows he has little respect for you. If you take naked pictures of yourself, you never know where they might end up. Too many people s... (read in full...)

Does he like me? Why would he not insist on me keeping the present?

Q.   My boyfriend got me an expensive gift for our one year. I also made him something meaningful. I told him he didn't have to spend so much so I said i'll return it back to him. He smiled and said yes, once I find the receipt. He even asked if he ...

A.   17 June 2015: To be honest, he's probably thinking "Why did she reject my gift? I spent a lot of money on that."... (read in full...)

Feeling crazy in love with this girl. But have I loved her too much? She's always chatting online

Q.   Please people I seriously need help on this issue of mine. I am crazy in love with a girl in my office, I love her so much that I don't want any Guy around her coz am so scared to lose her in my life, but I think she got know the levels of my love...

A.   17 June 2015: I think you need to sit down and talk with her about where she sees this relationship going.... (read in full...)

How much should a partner pay for 'board' in their partners home?

Q.   Hi, My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year now and recently got engaged at the beginning of the year. He moved out home and moved into mine (i have a mortgage). We agreed he would pay a certain amount a week to cover bills. I pa...

A.   16 June 2015: He should be paying way more than he is. You're basically letting him stay with you for free! I don't know how much it costs to rent a shared house in Canada, but I think his contribution should be similar to what the market rate would be.... (read in full...)

Feeling crazy in love with this girl. But have I loved her too much? She's always chatting online

Q.   Please people I seriously need help on this issue of mine. I am crazy in love with a girl in my office, I love her so much that I don't want any Guy around her coz am so scared to lose her in my life, but I think she got know the levels of my love...

A.   15 June 2015: Have you actually asked her out on a date? Maybe you should do that first and take things from there.... (read in full...)

My husband's family are monsters and I don't want them to be around us!

Q.   Hello, I'm in need of some advice. Course aren't we all? I'm 6 months pregnant and have a 7 year old as well. I'm with a very amazing lovable man. He is a wonderful father, and a blessing as a husband. He is my best friend and lover all in one...

A.   12 June 2015: Thanks for providing more information. Your husband's family do sound awful. The best you can do is have as little ongoing contact with all of them as possible. His sister has no right to muscle in on your lives the way she's trying. Over tim... (read in full...)

My husband's family are monsters and I don't want them to be around us!

Q.   Hello, I'm in need of some advice. Course aren't we all? I'm 6 months pregnant and have a 7 year old as well. I'm with a very amazing lovable man. He is a wonderful father, and a blessing as a husband. He is my best friend and lover all in one...

A.   11 June 2015: Can you provide more information please? What exactly have these people done that you hate so much? Are they in regular contact with your husband?... (read in full...)

My in-laws are difficult to live with

Q.   I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...

A.   10 June 2015: We're now five months on from when you posted your original question. Have you still not moved out? If not, what steps have been taking in the last five months towards this?... (read in full...)

Does he really want me to leave? Do I leave like he told me to?

Q.   Ive been with my husband for 10 years, married for for 7 years on the 14th. Sometimes when we argue he tells me to pack my stuff and leave. I never do. But this time.. i'm really considering packing my things. Our arguments are always over ...

A.   9 June 2015: No, you shouldn't just up and leave, but you should try to get to the bottom of what the problems are in your marriage. This can only be done by working it out together. Get some time together, and go out and have some fun (get a babysitt... (read in full...)

My boyfriend was unappreciative of the meal I cooked and he never wants to spend time with my family. I wanted our relationship to work but now I'm having second thoughts!

Q.   My boyfriend can just irritate me so much sometimes. I brought over all the ingredients to his house to make BLT's. Instead of thanking me and being appreciative he complained I got wheat bread. Then he freaked out that I was cooking the bacon in ...

A.   9 June 2015: Cooking is an art, and everyone cooks things differently. There's no one way to do it. He sounds selfish and unappreciative. Not good boyfriend material.... (read in full...)

He's a copy-cat and his actions are disconcerting. What can I do?

Q.   hey guys, here's the thing....just tell me if I'm overreacting or over thinking this . i think my best friend is being a copycat . he copies me everytime. me and him have been best friends since four years now and since last two years I'm notici...

A.   4 June 2015: As the saying goes: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." He thinks you're cool and is subconsciously copying you. It's not uncommon. Maybe you should not mention things you are thinking of getting, then he can't jump in there first.... (read in full...)

Will moving out make it more likely that my Bf and I will break up?

Q.   I have a what I feel a lose-lose situation. My boyfriend and I have been together since 2008 but in 2012 had a baby girl In 2013 I moved in with him and his mom we are 23 now so living with her is very difficult she observes how I treat her son an...

A.   2 June 2015: It's not healthy for you to all be living with his mother. He needs to grow up and fly the nest, so the three of you can be a family unit together. Until you do this, these problems will never go away.... (read in full...)

Can women realistically start a family past 30?

Q.   I suppose the purpose of this question is to hear from women who have started a family after the age of 30. Those of you in the UK might have seen that a top fertility doctor has just said publicly that women who want kids should try before t...

A.   2 June 2015: You should be wary of one-off scare stories in the press! Your fertility will start to decline, but many women have children in their 30s, so stop worrying. Next time you get together with someone, make sure they don't string you along again. M... (read in full...)

He is my only lover ever. He accused me of cheating, insulted me and told me my private area is too loose. Yet how do I get over the grief of our break-up?

Q.   i have a bf for one and half years now. we had sex at least once a week. he is the only person i had sex with.but now he says that my vagina is loose. when i blamed him for something he did wrong,he said that i have been cheating on him,at t...

A.   1 June 2015: He is an idiot and you are better off without him. He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve so much better.... (read in full...)

Is my sister's mental illness a reason for me to not have children?

Q.   So, I'm at the age (early 30's) where my partner and I are thinking it's probably time we look at starting a family. But we're undecided as to what to do. I've always been a maternal person. I've always been excited about the idea of becoming a mu...

A.   1 June 2015: I think you should talk all your concerns through with a doctor or health professional. By not having children, you could be closing the door on an exciting and rewarding family life.... (read in full...)

How do I win him back and feel better? My Mom and My Aunt don't like him

Q.   I fell for this guy; I'm 23 and he's nearly 30. He seems to like me and he's also sexually attracted to me. However, I haven't been able to date him as I was trying to finish off my degree at the time. This is still an on-going problem as I'm s...

A.   29 May 2015: From your description, he doesn't sound like a nice person at all. Immature, controlling, selfish ... It seems your mum and aunt also think this. There are so many decent people out there who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.... (read in full...)

Big decisions. Do I stay in my comfort zone? Or should I take a chance with this job offer, despite my Bf's objections?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for seven years now (lived together for five years with his grandparents). I've been on a temporary contract with work for the past year, but I've just been offered a full time permanent position at a new company ...

A.   29 May 2015: To advise you, I need to know where you think your relationship is going. Is is just bumping along or are you making plans to marry and be together forever? Is your career more important than this relationship? Why can't your boyfriend move job... (read in full...)

I just want my own identity. What needs to change in our marriage?

Q.   My husband and I have been having so many problems lately. Financially, sexually, and emotionally and I really don't know what to do. We've have 3 kids and I'm a stay at home mom. Whenever I'm upset, I like to vent to him so I don't explode ...

A.   28 May 2015: He isn't thinking about you or your feelings. He just wants you to do your motherly duties and nothing else. This is no way to live, and sooner or later you will probably reach the end of your tether and leave him. Every relationship needs em... (read in full...)

My boyfriend was acting grumpy/irritable towards me so I went home. Now he's even more upset! Ideas?

Q.   I feel so aggravated right now. I hope someone can give me some advice.My boyfriend and I have been dating a year. We have our fun times but he can be quite a bear to deal with at times. Very moody. I chalk it up too him working a swing shift. I am ...

A.   28 May 2015: Grumpy people sometimes don't realise how bad they are. This makes it hard for them to sort the problem out. I suggest you give him space for a couple of days and wait for him to contact you. You deserve to be treated with respect, but he'... (read in full...)

Am I unreasonable to be upset that she won't come out for my birthday meal with family?

Q.   IT is my Birthday next week and my family are going for a meal in the evening. Naturally they have invited my girlfriend of three years. She says she doesn't know if she can come because she has plans with her family during the day, and it may put ...

A.   20 May 2015: So your girlfriend doesn't think it's important to go to your birthday meal? Sounds like she's got her priorities wrong. She should have checked with you before making other plans on your birthday. It sounds like her other plans are not fixed if... (read in full...)

I'm wondering if it'd be weird from a female prospective if I pursued this.

Q.   I feel stupid right now... SO I'm at the library and a girl I haven't seen in a long time and actually didn't remember walks up to me and basically acknowledges that she remembers me from church, etc. We had a very brief chat and I ended things with ...

A.   20 May 2015: Is she on Facebook?... (read in full...)

I'm considering quitting my job before I go on vacation.

Q.   I've been working part time at a job for 4 years now and I'm starting to become very annoyed and bored with it. Also, both of my managers are assholes and treats me like shit, despite me being one of the best and most hardworking employees there. I...

A.   20 May 2015: Find another job first, then resign correctly and leave on good terms. You may need a reference from them in the future.... (read in full...)

My in-laws are difficult to live with

Q.   I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...

A.   21 January 2015: Is your stuff being left untidily in a communal area like a lounge? Maybe he just wants the place to be tidy, so he tidies things away. Where possible you should keep your stuff in your bedroom (I'm assuming you have a bedroom). Remember it's not ... (read in full...)

My in-laws are difficult to live with

Q.   I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...

A.   19 January 2015: You and your husband both need to get jobs and get your own place ASAP. Living with in-laws never works.... (read in full...)

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