A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and boyfriend have been together a year, we now live together and i love him very much. i have a daughter from a previous relationship who he is great with. the problem is he likes to gamble, hes currently awaiting his date to join the army, so right now hes not going out to work so he spends hours and hours on poker games sometimes he wont even go to sleep at night because he goes on poker tournaments that last hours and hours. for a start we cant afford it and he doesn't help me out with anything because he's doing that all the time! and he says he does it because he's bored and got nothing else to do until hes in the armyso do i stay and hope it changes when he joins the army or do i not risk it and get out now?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 I am very forgiving. I forgive all sorts of addictions. Sex, drugs, alcohol... I myself have food and shopping addictions...
Gambling is not one I could forgive if it affected my quality of life... and it would.
We have a friend who is for the second time making his attempt to make a living playing poker in the casinos in Las Vegas... it's not a good living... and he does stay up all night playing... not a life I would want.
he's "awaiting his date to join the army" so he does not even know WHEN he is going and it could be as long as what? (3 months, 6 months?)...
not a good thing...
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 October 2012):
 leave him. At least you can plan your life. A friend mentioned that she ran into her ex recently. How glad she is that she escaped in time. Her ex has since been married three times. Gets extremely defensive if he feels anyone is implying he has a gambling problem (yes he does have exactly have that). He inherited two successful businesses from his father.
he wants everything 'easy' and thinks he's smarter than anyone else (he is not)
At a loss he's had to sell the businesses. He was never home to do home maintenance so when he sold his last home it was at a loss.
He likes to imply that he has more money than is true.
In truth he now rents an appartment. Owns no investments, has a car that often needs repairs.
But he still finds the money to gamble regularly.
All three of his wives grew weary of feast or famine in his lifestyle. He's always had trouble holding down jobs since he started working for someone else because his arrogance and aggression always surface.
He told his ex he is now on the lookout for a rich widow.
so sad. Such a wasted life.
be smart and walk away from misery.
It's not worth all the pain - of being married to a gambler
Both are gone.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 October 2012):
 My college roomate's Dad was a professional gambler. She said growing up it was feast or famine. One day they'd be rolling in the bucks and a week later the electricity would be cut off for non-payment. The ups and downs were too much for her mother so she divorced but never stopped loving the guy. It was just too hard to raise a family with that kind of instability. It was a very sad story.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 October 2012):
 Gambling is addictive. These addictions can spiral completely out of control. My friend's wife had a gambling addiction that she tried to hide. It seemed harmless, just a few hours and a couple hundred bucks here or there, and then suddenly one day she found herself $300,000 in debt and they became financially ruined (he was too).
You need to sit him down and explain how serious this is. If he admits he has a problem and will work on it, then he might be able to change. If he just thinks it's normal to waste large amounts of money out of boredom, it's time to leave and to immediately sever financial ties.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (25 October 2012):
 I would give this guy a miss if I was you. If he stopped gambling, the temptation will always be there to do it again. I have seen this before and it`s never good.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 October 2012):
 Is he seeking help for the gambling issue? Does he admit and acknowledge that he HAS a problem?
If not, then you are wasting your time.
And yes, he can go get a job if he is THAT bored or volunteer.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 Have you actually talked to him why it bothers you so much? At the same time if you have to mention it he isn't a very understanding partner to being with. He wakes up all night gambling, which means he has no energy for you during the day whatsoever. It's not boredom. His all consuming addiction is more important than his significant other. When he says he's bored it means you are boring also, and you don't deserve his attention. Let him be single and be bored by himself. Don't let his habit drag you down. When he is in the army you don't have him, when he comes back he is with his gambling, and not you. It seems like you are in his life just so that he can tell people he is in a relationship, and when he comes home there are people opening the door for him, and that's it. If you were married and your daughter is also his, then maybe you could ask him to try recovery for addicts. You have nothing tied to him so you should get out. A person with an addiction have no place in dating and relationships.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): Honestly, I have been there. From what I've learned, I suggest you guys get together, have a serious talk (if you haven't already, maybe it's time for another?) and come up with some productive hobbies. Explain to him that you are at your wit's end and that if this behavior doesn't stop, you are considering leaving. Don't forget to also be supportive and express your love for him, and even mention things that you've brought to us here- the relationship with he and your child. I'm pretty sure he can also register himself as a person with a gambling problem. You should try Goggling Gamblers Anonymous, as I'm not sure how it works in England. Try to get him out of the house with your child, and stay busy. Ask him to share with you, and to be honest. It takes a lot to overcome any type of addiction, I hope the best for you. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): Leave now. I've been in the casino business off and on for 15 years and I see the same people day in and day out. He will not change until he wants to. Trust me boredom is one of the many excuses you will hear over the years if you stay. The only way you can truly believe he will change is when you see him call the gamblers anonymous hotline for real help. The army will not change anything. He will still have access to gamble in the military. He is joining the army not going to prison. Its up to you. Gambling is an addiction just like drugs or alcohol. You already have a child to support why are supporting a grown man?
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