A
female
age
26-29,
*ookworm
writes:I'm going to try to shorten the backstory as much as I can, but it is a bit of a long one. I was sexually, emotionally, and psychologically abused by my first boyfriend, first everything really. He coerced me into everything but intercourse, i realize now he was trying to push that on me too, but in any case it kind of tore me apart. I havent been the same since, it happened when I was 15 and 16, I am 17 now, and I am still twitchy and uncomfortable around people. It is most noticable at work, when I physically can't stand still, can't have people standing behind me. I see the guys face, I hear his voice and it makes me feel sick. I got into a relationship about two weeks after I finally left the abusive guy. After about a year and a half of dating the new guy, I felt I just wasn't ready for a relationship. I couldn't handle sexual factors to the relationship, and it was driving my already high stress levels through the roof. I felt all this pressure to be perfectly fine, and every time I broke down during intimate moments I felt like he got frustrated with me for not giving him what he wanted me to. So I guess my question is, where do I go from here? The abuse started two years ago, ended a year and a half ago maybe, and Im not okay yet. Is there something wrong with me? How can I get over it and be okay spending time alone with males again? I'm sorry it got so long, and if I left anything out please don't hesitate to ask questions. Thank you so much for listening, and helping me out here
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
You need to remind yourself that you were always INNOCENT of any wrong doing.
And you need to remind yourself that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.
And finally you also need to remind yourself that YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
your ex cannot say the same thing. His behaviour was abusive. Your ex was at fault. He was not innocent of any wrong doing and he is the one who was wrong to pressure you.
you do need counselling.
But first check and start getting some help through:
www.rainn.org
You should also see your Doctor about your health. Depression is very normal and tobe expected. Your Doctor can help you get over the very d ebilitatng pressue of DEPRESSION. That is very fixable.
Remind yourself that you are a Surviver and you deserve good counselling and support.
A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 Oh dear, you are so young and yet you have gone through so much hurt. Have you spoken to anyone about the abuse? I would suggest you talk to someone you can trust and who is supportive. Getting over abuse takes a while, unfortunately there is no magic formula to heal the anger, fear, feelings of resentment and the pain inside. The way you are behaving is perfectly normal considering what you have been through. Look for a counsellor, a pastor, a friend or family member to talk to that would be the first step and eventually you will find it easy to trust and relax in male company again.
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