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*eirdre

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I like to help and advise people, love animals. Without me God would still be God but without God I am nothing.

Latest articles:

Are you in a controlling relationship?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

3 April 2009: i decided to write this article in view of the amount of people that I know/know of who are in unuqual relationships, that is in particular women who are in unequal relationships. Im not sating that it doesnt happen to men, of course, but often it ...

1234567891011Next > [15 pages, 546 answers]

Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair?

Q.   Should the other woman tell his wife about the affair? I know many would use harsh and negative remarks on such question. I did no Contact and he reached out and I caved in. I am thinking of telling his wife so that I can move on for good forever...

A.   7 December 2017: If you slept with him knowing he was married, then you have no business in telling his wife.... (read in full...)

How do I tell my wife to work on her weight problem and not just moan about it

Q.   How can I encourage my Mrs to lose weight. We have been married 6 yrs, she was gorgeous slim when we met. Over the years I have told her she is getting big and she should try and maintain shape before it gets out of control. Her response is that she ...

A.   7 December 2017: I would suggest to her that you go on walks together and like another poster said, that you bring her to the gym once a week if she is willing of course. Going with you and spending time together might motivate her and make it less daunting... (read in full...)

My sons are using the house for dating. What should I tell them?

Q.   I’m a single dad of two teenage boys, one is 17 (almost 18) the other is 15. My oldest has a girlfriend and recently I found out they have been using my house after school for their hook up spot. I came home from work last week and found an empt...

A.   7 December 2017: I can understand why you would see this as being disrespectful, most parents would. I am not sure what advice to give about how to proceed, it is a tricky situation. But make sure you give him the talk about safer sex, and let him know that if she ... (read in full...)

His daughter found my text messages to him and now he wants to cool things

Q.   Hi I met a guy whom Ive known for years .. he was married before twenty years ago . He has three kids two grown up another who is eleven he lived with a woman before but didn’t work out I’ve just been seperated six months and for years I ignored ...

A.   7 December 2017: tell him that if he is no longer interested to act like a man and stop using his kid as an excuse. He needs to shit or get off the pot, either he is interested in you or not. If you dont get the outcome that you want, consider it to be a blessing in ... (read in full...)

My ex wants me permanently in the background and have a baby mother too!

Q.   Im good frinds with my ex. We are very close. We broke up 5 yrs ago, but during those 5 yrs we have been sleeping with each other. We talked about getting back together and trying for a baby.... But I told him im not ready.He was ok with this...

A.   23 November 2017: he wants a child with "someone" but he has a problem keeping a roof over his own head, paying his rent and financing a BMW (!), tell him to get a life and start supporting himself.... Before he even thinks about children. It sounds like he wants to ... (read in full...)

I'm annoyed about his contradictory comments about not wanting children but not using birth control with his exes!

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for three months and in general we get on well. But one thing that keeps cropping up is his exes. The other evening the subject of children were brought up (he hasn't got any). He told me that he had not used ...

A.   20 August 2017: he sounds immature and ignorant. That is my opinion based on reading all of this. I have met similar people and reached the same conclusions with them... (read in full...)

How do I cope with parents now I'm pregnant?

Q.   Hi everyone, I need some advice and hope right now. I'm soon to be 18 and I'm pregnant... I'm happy to have the baby and I'm happy for my bf too but our parents... Please, I don't want anyone to judge, there will be enough of that, thank yo...

A.   6 June 2017: Your boyfriend should approach your parents since they will see it as his fault. There are organisations in south Africa that will advise you, please look it up on google to see what is in your area. Good luck... (read in full...)

He says he wants a child and gets upset when I give my reasons for why it doesn't work for me now!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he just brought up wanting a baby with me. I've had an abortion in a past relationship. We are both still in college and as much as I want a kid I just don't see it as a good time to have one ...

A.   6 June 2017: He wants a baby after being in a relationship for just 3 months?! Run for the hills... (read in full...)

Is it all in my head or do I have something to be worried about?

Q.   So to be completely honest I'm 16 and I'm worried my boyfriend came in me about 3-4 weeks ago.. it's really been messing with me.. I took the morning after pill as soon as I could which was the third day but a little bit after 72 hours. I asked him ...

A.   10 May 2017: if you are in the US go to Planned Parenthood or get a pregnancy test from the dollar store. You need to know now if you are pregnant. If you arent, then be careful in future.... (read in full...)

Is it all in my head or do I have something to be worried about?

Q.   So to be completely honest I'm 16 and I'm worried my boyfriend came in me about 3-4 weeks ago.. it's really been messing with me.. I took the morning after pill as soon as I could which was the third day but a little bit after 72 hours. I asked him ...

A.   10 May 2017: if you are in the US go to Planned Parenthood or get a pregnancy test from the dollar store. You need to know now if you are pregnant. If you arent, then be careful in future.... (read in full...)

I'm seeing a prostitute who says she is pregnant and the baby is mine

Q.   Here is the situation I am in love with a prostitute, from the beginning I accepted her for who she is and what she does as a prostitute but it's hard to me as a man, knowing she dates other men for money I mean i do love her and she says she does ...

A.   10 May 2017: Take her to the doctor for a pregnancy test and ultrasound. It sounds like she is fooling you for money. Sorry.... (read in full...)

I miss my Mom. Is it normal to feel so bad and upset moving out from a parent ?

Q.   I'm 22, married and having a baby in 6 weeks time. My father died a year and a half ago and at the time myself and husbands rent was raised sky high meaning we temporarily needed to move home for a few months however the few months turned into 15 ...

A.   19 February 2017: I remember your previous questions about your situation at the time. Is there a particular reason why you are living 1.5 hours away from your mother? Could you have found a house closer to her? Is there any reason why you and your husband couldnt ... (read in full...)

My family expects me to get married, but I'm more attracted to men and gay marriage isn't an option. How do I convince them I'm not the marrying kind?

Q.   Hi, I'm much more into men physically/sexually speaking. The hitch is that I live in a traditional and homophobic society.My family want me to get married any time soon. How can I "convince" them I'm not the marrying kind, without telling them I'm ...

A.   18 February 2017: I can't imagine the pressure you must feel. Maybe it is best that you avoid coming out to them for now. If you could find a female friend who is single and not interested in a sexual relationship, someone who could be your friend it might avert too ... (read in full...)

How do I respond when friends query me on this? She uses a picture of herself with my BF as her profile picture on social media

Q.   Hi Everyone, I could use some advice. I am currently contemplating getting back into a relationship with my boyfriend of 7 years. We split for 3 years, and he began dating someone else. They recently had a child together, but are not in a relatio...

A.   18 February 2017: Make sure that they really are broken up and that he isnt lying to you. Been in that situation and you dont want to end up looking foolish. Best wishes.... (read in full...)

I like masturbating in places where I might get caught

Q.   I have a problem and I know it's wrong but I can't stop doing it...please help. I masturbate a lot, which I guess is not that bad, but I like doing it in situations when I might get caught. Or I intentionally don't clean up probably as it g...

A.   31 January 2017: Without being harsh, this could easily end badly. Next time you're tempted to do this, imagine how you would feel if someone you knew caught you? The humiliation would be huge. Or if someone like your mum, an ordinary decent person. Seeing something ... (read in full...)

Can you be pregnant with negative test results?

Q.   I had sex with a guy one night in September. I dont really remember what happened but i know we had sex. We used a condom but i am unsure if he secretly slipped it off or of the condom may have failed. It isvDecember now and my stomach looks ...

A.   20 January 2017: dod you find out what the problem was? Best wishes ... (read in full...)

I am worried about letting my daughter's father back into her life.

Q.   Hello everyone. I'm a single mum to my beautiful 8 year old daughter and I have struggled in the past but I have always got by. I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant with her, and at the insistence of her dad, I went through with the pregnanc...

A.   16 January 2017: I think you have made great decisions in your daughters best interests. She is lucky to have a responsible mum like you. If this guy is genuine then he should be happy to jump through whatever hoops are necessary. I would meet with him and the ... (read in full...)

22 years in a loveless abusive marriage. What should I do?

Q.   Have been living a loveless marriage for 22yrs, always abusing me verbally like am not pretty, not compatible, he's always the one that brings quarrel telling me to go. But the kids am afraid of quitting am also from a broken home I knew what I ...

A.   27 November 2016: better to be alone and miserable than to be with someone and miserable. If you leave you will need time to recover mentally from all this abuse. You deserve better. Please set a good example for your kids regardless of what age they are. It wont be ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for me to get my tubes tied and burnt not knowing what my future holds?

Q.   Dear Cupid,I am 45 years old my clock is ticking fast I have been in a relationship in many years I don't have health issues very healthy but I want my tubes tied but the the doctor says no I might meet a man who want a child but I don't want No ...

A.   10 November 2016: leaving aside what the doctor said, I think at 45 your reproductive years are almost over and it might not be worth your while at this age to have your tubes tied. In a few years you wont be able to conceive and so the tubal ligation might be a ... (read in full...)

My brother and his wife is spreading rumours about me? Its driving me demented I'm also pregnant

Q.   I'm 21 , married and moved in with my mother about 12 months ago after our rent rose sky high. We are living with my mother as we were saving for a wedding and a deposit for a home. My wedding is over with and we have our deposit with the house ...

A.   17 October 2016: What does your husband have to say about all this? Has he spoken to your brother during this? If the council own the house, it belongs to nobody. Once the tenant dies, the council can decide whether family members can become the new tenant or not. ... (read in full...)

Gossipy workmates driving me mad

Q.   How can I avoid my gossip-fueled coworkers. every day at work feels like a drama and it feels like high school. I work with three women and one guy who I have to exchange information in a daily basis and have lunch with. In the begining I started ...

A.   17 October 2016: They could be used to exchanging gossip with each other as a way of passing the working day. As for commenting on your clothes etc., they probably admire your taste or else it could be something more neutral like they havent seen the style/colour ... (read in full...)

Afraid family will learn I'm on the pill

Q.   Sorta to do with dating. I've been talking to this guy and things are looking up :) I've always told myself that I should go on the pill as another contraceptive (as well as using condoms). However, I don't really want my parent finding ou...

A.   17 October 2016: You are wise to go on the pill and you are making the right decision. 2 forms of contraception is the safest way to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy and STIs. Is there somewhere safe that you can keep the pills at home? A safe box, an unused ... (read in full...)

How can I ensure, if I see the Doctor, that the Doctor will not tell my mother that I took a morning after pill?

Q.   Basically I took the morning after pill a couple of days ago, I went to boots and spoke to the woman there, getting the pill for free, the woman asked if I had a GP and I said yes but she didn't ask for my Gps details she just took my basic ...

A.   11 October 2016: hi, no the GP shouldnt tell your mum and it sounds like he wont be informed that you got it either. I would advise you to go on the pill to avoid this worry and stress in future. I believe contraception is still free in the UK. Dont end up as a ... (read in full...)

What can I do? I'm self sufficent, he's not. He's not motivated to find work in his field. He relies on his parents and me.

Q.   Hi Hope you can help me please. I just don't know how to handle this. I have been married for over a year, together 5. My husband has 2 children, whom I adore. I own a lovely home, which has the potential to be extended, so I told my h...

A.   9 September 2016: I agree with the previous posters, this man needs to grow up. He has 2 children already and although you are their stepmum you are worrying more about their living arrangements than he is. He doesnt seem concerned to be a stable influence in his ... (read in full...)

How do I remain positive when I'm about to break?

Q.   I'm 21 got married 3 months ago and im 10 weeks pregnant. Which is meant to be one of the happiest times in my life turns out to be one of the most hardest times I've ever had to face so far. Life began to spiral downwards really since the death of...

A.   4 September 2016: Congratulations on your wedding, I am sorry to hear that it wasnt what you had hoped for. Families can often be toxic and it is very hard to move past it as it really affects you mentally. I think you would benefit from talking to a pregnancy ... (read in full...)

I'm stuck in a lie to 2 women. Now confused and missing my daughter. What should I do?

Q.   Hi agony aunts, I have a problem and I'm sorry if this is long. I was married to a girl who is from a different country - we met when she was studying. Fast Forward two years and I married to her. We had a child who is now 18 months but my wi...

A.   4 September 2016: I agree with the previous person, you need to tell your girlfriend what is going on. It sounds like you dont want to be with your wife which makes things slightly simpler. You need to find out online if there is an agreement between you and your ... (read in full...)

I really do want to stop hurting my husband and my lover's wife. But how can I stop?

Q.   If you want to judge, please stop reading this right now. I need advice, not lectures. I have been married for nearly 20 years now, no kids. I have never felt the need to seek fulfillment elsewhere since me and my husband have been truly happy...

A.   17 August 2016: I had written out a long reply 2 days ago but my internet stopped working. Basically I mentioned a few things, that since the sex is good with this married man, why dont you apply whatever you do to your own marriage? Try the things that have been ... (read in full...)

Social media addiction ... How can I stop experiencing this problem?

Q.   Does anyone have any advice on how to stop this social media addiction- I am surrounded by fake friends and people I just waste time with that all they do and j used to do is post on social media to show off - buy clothes go to expensive dinners or ...

A.   8 August 2016: You have got some great advice already particularly from Andy's Thoughts who suggested volunteering somewhere. This would take your mind off superficial things and helping someone else or a good cause such as a charity or animals would be really ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend got his ex pregnant but still wants to be with me

Q.   My boyfriend n I have been datin for past a year now. I has showed great interest in settlin down wt me bt recently I fofound out he jst sees his ex galfriend and before I know wwhat is happpenin, she is already pregnant. We leave vry far from each ...

A.   6 August 2016: Move on and forget about him. It is very difficult but you will save yourself the pain long term. What he did is unforgiveable, imagine if your sister or friend was in this situation. What would you advise them? You cant trust him, he has shown you ... (read in full...)

Our relationship is falling apart ever since I lost the baby

Q.   Hello all, I am looking for some non judgemental relationship advice. I am 16 my boyfriends 17. We've been together 9 months. 3 months ago I found out I was pregnant. It was a total accident I was actually on birth control at the time (before anyone ...

A.   28 July 2016: No one is going to say losing the baby was a good thing. You should try contacting Brook or the British Pregnancy Advisory Service, they offer counselling for young people and this would benefit you. You need to talk about your feelings with someone ... (read in full...)

I'm tired of waiting for my boyfriend to come up with the dowry!

Q.   Hey everyone....first of all I am African, so no judging please. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When we started dating he was so excited about our relationship. He actually told after 3 months of dating that he couldn't wait to ...

A.   25 July 2016: hi, I dont blame you for being tired of waiting. This guy is wasting your time, he has made promises and even arrangements to meet your family but he has actually done nothing. It is worse than if he had never mentioned getting engaged, because he ... (read in full...)

How many women get pregnant because they hate their jobs?

Q.   Im curious what people reckon is the proportion of women that have a baby because they don't want to work (or hate their job)?...

A.   18 July 2016: it depends on the country's benefits/ welfsre system. Here in Ireland, UK and Australia it is commonplace, sadly. The people with the most children here are the ones who have never had a job in their lives. Why? Because the government funds them ... (read in full...)

Am I going crazy? Should I embrace that he wanted that type of video from me?

Q.   I'm 34 weeks pregnant. My baby's dad and I just got back together today.. We've been apart officially for only 3 weeks. In that time, he hung with an ex girlfriend, took her on a boat and beach, and to a theme park. They kissed but claimed he d...

A.   18 July 2016: No, why would you want to send him explicit videos/pictures? This guy doesnt respect you. Tell him to grow up and prepare for fatherhood... (read in full...)

Wants a brood mare? Should I meet him? Been talking to him online but some of his questions are a concern.

Q.   I know this sounds silly however I have been talking to this guy online. I told him I would meet him as a friend. He has been asking some off questions like if I will be fertile when we have planned to meet. He has asked several times and also w...

A.   18 July 2016: Really?? It looks clear that he is not normal, block him and move on.... (read in full...)

Who and how do I ask what happened to my Mom and about my Mom? My Mom died 8 years ago.

Q.   I will make this short as I can since I'm to upset and had to keep starting over. My mom died when I was 6 and I was always told she was real sad and sometimes people get too sad to live any more so they live with Jesus. I don't know why but I a...

A.   12 July 2016: I am so sorry about what happened your Mom. People who commit suicide are feeling so desperate and hopeless about life that they can see no other solution. I cant imagine how hard it must be to lose your Mom at such a young age. I like the prev... (read in full...)

I have been in a relationship with a married man for 3 years. How do I walk away from him?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a married man for 3 years. We have known each other for 40 years. We were together 38 years ago went our own ways and ran into each other for lunch and the rest is history. We love each other very much but I can't ...

A.   12 July 2016: It probably feels like this man is a huge part of your life. You need to start by distancing yourself from him, going cold turkey isnt for everyone. See him less and less often, find hobbies or enjoyable things to fill your days that dont involve ... (read in full...)

Should I disown her for rejecting my name?

Q.   This may be an inappropriate question for this site but I am furious with my daughter. She is 29 and she has recently announced that she plans to get a legal name change, and I am boiling mad. I have a mind to disown her. Even though her mom and I ...

A.   12 July 2016: I think the real issue is less about the name change and more about your daughters feelings of rejection since you do not see her at your wifes request. She probably feels that she is no longer an important part of your life and I dont blame her. If ... (read in full...)

How could people be so rude about my wedding?

Q.   Hi, I don't know if I can post on here but I really need to vent and feel so upset. I got married in October and my husband and I were on a really tight budget, even though we had been saving for 2 years, making sacrifices and working every ext...

A.   16 April 2016: I know this was posted a few days ago but I just read it and felt compelled to reply. It sounds like you did your absolute best to give your guests a good time on your wedding day and I hope you really enjoyed it. You did things the sensible way,... (read in full...)

Why is he not scared that I'll become pregnant?

Q.   There's this guy that i am seeing that i had sex with on the third date, after that it has been once a week(everytime we meet). We have seen eachother for approximately 2-3 months. BUT, there is one thing i dont understand. He always comes inside o...

A.   21 March 2016: Because he is selfish and doesnt particularly care once he gets his fun. Sorry to be blunt but it is what it is. I dont feel you know this guy well enough and that maybe communication isnt what it should be. Please heed the well thought out advice ... (read in full...)

Are my boyfriend's loose boundaries with his gay male friend crossing the line?

Q.   Hello, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and we live together. He is from another state and the first time I went home with him about a year and a half ago, I ran into some unexpected and hurtful interactions. ...

A.   16 January 2016: it sounds like he is gay but isnt comfortable with it. Your sexlife is very telling and no this is not normal behaviour for straight men who know gay men. If anything straight men would back off physically in order to avoid giving the wrong signals.... (read in full...)

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