New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login240635 questions, 1065791 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

*illy Bathgate

United States  (Male   XML/RSS

Like what he writes?
... Add *illy Bathgate to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *illy Bathgate a private message

*illy Bathgate's Ratings

Rating: 7.54

Excellent68%
Average8%
Poor24%
1234567891011Next > [13 pages, 495 answers]

I’m excited at the concept of an open relationship but I’m not really happy with the current situation.

Q.   My girlfriend of 6 years is studying abroad for a year (since mid-September). We’re fairly committed to each other so we are trying to do long distance. We are also fairly sexual people but have only ever really been with each other. We are also ...

A.   30 October 2018: You need to adopt a dadt approach. If she hooks up with someone she should keep it to herself and you do the same. If and when she comes back anything she did while away stays there and anything you did goes into the memory hole. When she gets back... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   30 October 2018: We call that “Eating one’s cake and having it.” He gets no strings sex from you and keeps his wife and family. And all he has to do is tell you a few lies straight from the cheaters handbook. You know he’s lying. You know he’s never going to leav... (read in full...)

During a break I went to work on my flaws but he never took responsibility of his. Now hes forcing his way back into my life. What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I of 2 years went on a 6 week break after many rows. This was mainly due to my insecurity issues, which caused many arguments leading to the break. During the break I wanted to make a huge change in my life and went to see ...

A.   30 October 2018: Stop seeing this guy. You know he is no good. So why are you letting him back into your life. Tell him it’s over. Tell him you don’t want to be his friend or any other such post break up nonsense then remove him from your life. Block his phone numb... (read in full...)

I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...

A.   18 October 2018: No and no. You didn’t cheat on him and no you shouldn’t tell him. There is no upside to telling him. But going out and kissing men to make yourself feel better or to somehow get back at your BF is not really a sign of emotional maturity. ... (read in full...)

I believe my husband has sick fantasies about my daughter. She trusts him. What should I do?

Q.   I found a spare phone in my husband's truck and saved to his favorites was "Stepdaughter fucks step dad".. I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter that lives with us . I'm leaving him because to me, that is unacceptable and I will never look at him ...

A.   18 October 2018: All you can do is tell her and show her what you found. But she is 18 and an adult and entitled to make her own decisions. Even a bad one.... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   17 October 2018: You’re not his girlfriend friend. The way I understand these FWB things is that they allow the participants unencumberec no strings sex. How can you be angry at him for giving you what you want?... (read in full...)

Should I give my ex money back for a trip that he won't be taking with my family?

Q.   Hey guys. Since my last post I've taken your advice and no longer visit my exs social media accounts. I am actually in the process of moving on and have even met someone else :) I'm just writing because it's coming to the time where I sign ...

A.   17 October 2018: Yes it would be unreasonable for your family to keep the money. He paid it with the expectation that he would be joining his GF and her family on vacation. Your ending the relationship has deprived him of that. Unless you expect him to join you on ... (read in full...)

I'm willing to leave my husband but my married lover isn't saying anything about leaving his wife

Q.   Iv been having an affair for a couple of years now and decided to end my marriage. I'm living with a friend but my married lover is still staying put. I said it was my problem about leaving my husband but he said he was still worried for me. He ...

A.   14 October 2018: Why should he leave his wife; because you left your marriage? Why would he do something that stupid? He gets his wife and his comfortable life and he no longer has to share his side piece with another man. Your leaving your husband was a win/win ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend found the engagement ring box and thinks I'm cheating

Q.   More than a year ago I bought an expensive emerald engagement ring to give to my live-in girlfriend intending to propose. I never quite found the right time because of some personal problems in her family and then later on we had big fight and I re...

A.   9 October 2018:  Things are rocky enough that you know marriage is not right. You keep thinking that things will get better but they haven’t. You need to ask yourself honestly are they ever going to get to the point that you can ask her to marry you. If not then ... (read in full...)

On social media he blocks me, unblocks me, friends me then unfriends, I don't know what to do.

Q.   I have no idea where to begin I am only hoping you all can offer some advice. So I was with my ex for three years, we were engaged at one point, but I broke it off after our twin babies were born stillborn. We stayed in a relationship we just ...

A.   1 October 2018: Unfriend him and block him stop messaging him and move on with your life... (read in full...)

Dad needs some help in his relationship.

Q.   Hello, Please could someone help give me some good advice, I don't know what else to do.... I am currently in a 10 year relationship and we have 3 young children and the kids are our worlds and we do love each other, but I am deeply disappoin...

A.   27 September 2018: If you do DNA testing on your children I think you will find that you are not the father of at least one of them. Perhaps that would be enough to make you leavevthis toxic relationship but you have put up with ten years of lies p, disrespect and ... (read in full...)

Iv recently found out my wife has had sex with women

Q.   Hi, found this site accidentally while googling my issue. Ive been with someone 28 years and married 25 years, been together since late teens, thought everything was ok but now I know isnt. Iv recently found out my wife has had sex on more that a ...

A.   22 September 2018: If it was me the marriage would be over but it seems you want the marriage to continue. So you’ll have to learn to forgive and forget what happened in the past and turn a blind eye to her future infidelity. ... (read in full...)

Her husband abruptly didn’t want to move! Any advice on how I can advise her?

Q.   A good friend of mine is very upset. She had accepted a promotion with her company to move to Florida. Her husband is a pilot for a major airline and also made arrangements to relocate to Florida. So my friend went through the process to buy a house ...

A.   22 September 2018: Yes stay out of it. This is between her and her husband.... (read in full...)

My wife wants to use a sperm donor to ensure that our third child isn't autistic but I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Q.   My wife (34f) and I (36m) have been married for just over six years and in many ways have an ideal marriage and are very much still in love. Despite two kids, we still have sex 2 - 3 times per week. We still find time for getaways nearby beaches, ...

A.   20 September 2018: Your wife is essentially telling you that your children aren’t good enough for her? Man that has got to sting. I don’t know how anyone could be that cruel and selfish. If you are not both on board with this crazy idea you should not go thru with... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's mother hates me and my boyfriend takes her side

Q.   Recently I've been feeling distant from my boyfriend, he s not the person I fell.in love with. He critisces everything I do and makes me feel worthless, I've tried talking to him about how He s making me feel but he says he doesn't put me down that ...

A.   16 September 2018: Dump The Mother F**ker Already. There is no reason to stay with this guy. ... (read in full...)

How do I get over this anger toward my ex?

Q.   It's been over 3 months since me and my ex broke up. Tonight a mutual friend said he has been really low for a few weeks and that could I talk to him. I had blocked him on everything and although I felt okay, I wasn't sure it was a good idea.......

A.   16 September 2018: You are under no obligation to help your ex not feel low. You don’t have to talk to him you don’t have to be friends with him and you don’t have to engage him on social media. If you want to block him block him and don’t allow friends to guilt you ... (read in full...)

Would it be ok to ask my mum to buy me a vibrator?

Q.   I'm 17 and have the money to buy a vibrator, but I have no way of actually getting one by myself. I don't have any friends old enough to take me some where that will sell them to people under 18, and I don't have a credit/debit card so I can't buy ...

A.   16 September 2018: Amazon.com dear. And sex devices are not just for adults.... (read in full...)

My new boyfriend has become obsessed about my past

Q.   Hi there I ended my marriage a year ago due to domestic violence. I was married for 10 years and have 2 children out of this marriage. I'm in a long term relationship with this wonderful man - very caring, sympathetic, logical and strong minded p...

A.   14 September 2018: He is none of the things you listed. Strong caring sympathetic and logical men do not act this way. He is in fact a weak petty jealous bully. His behavior is abusive. You need to take the blinders off and see this man for what he is and where your... (read in full...)

I want my mother to move in with us so I can take care of her

Q.   Hi everyone. My fiance and I are in the process of moving back to my home state and purchasing a house there. It is a relatively large house and we have more than enough space to start a family. My mom is not in the best of health. She recen...

A.   12 September 2018: If you want to kill your family before it starts insist on your mother living with you. You want to buy the affection of a woman who was abusive to you as a child. You say she’s kind of mellowed out. That is because you’re an adult. Why in the name ... (read in full...)

My brother finally introduced us to his fiance - she's my ex!

Q.   My brother has recently introduced the family to his new fiancée - but there's a massive issue. Basically he lives away and none of us have met her before - we only knew her name. We were all excited to meet her - but when he introduced her to ...

A.   12 September 2018: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. It’s time for you to be an adult. Tell your family about your child, their grandchild and niece. ... (read in full...)

Why would my cheating wife try to contact me after 6 months of NC?

Q.   Well it's been almost 7 months since my cheating wife left me for her boss. Although she never admitted to an affair I have mountains of evidence proving otherwise. Long story short... I thought I had her blocked on everything. I have been ...

A.   1 September 2018: Why do you care if she’s trying to reconnect? You have made the decision to block her and move on with your life. You have done the first part now continue with the second. Whatever reason(s) she had for trying to contact you are irrelevant. Don’... (read in full...)

My paranoia has driven us apart

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Sadly I have a problem which I've had for a few years, Where I suffer with paranoia. This has affected our relationship greatly, and has pushed us apart. We've now been on break (his idea) for now 3 ...

A.   27 August 2018: Sound to me like you knew there was a problem but waited to fix the problem after the boyfriend had had enough. Now you think if you check off some boxes he will come back. Understand that a break is a breakup. He is gone, the relationship is over... (read in full...)

My will be joining another couple for a threesome

Q.   So let me start by saying my wife and I have been married for 8 years an are blessed/ deeply in love. So last night we had a couple over for cocktails, I was at work when they arrived and when I got there my wife was already buzzed and was acting v...

A.   27 August 2018: You have two choices tell her in no uncertain terms that if she goes thru with this you’re gone or resign yourself to being a cuckold. Understand if you make the ultimatum you have to be willing to follow thru. Keep in mind that she may agree not to ... (read in full...)

What is my ex playing at?

Q.   A couple of years ago I was seeing a guy whilst at University but he really messed me around and we constantly had an up and down on and off relationship. I then blocked him when I finished Uni which was over a year ago and didn't think of him much ...

A.   27 August 2018: He’s playing games because he’s playing games. It must have given him quite a charge seeing how quickly you jumped to get in touch with him. If he could see this he would probably be giddy with joy. Block him and move on. If he pulls this again ... (read in full...)

My husband's driving triggers my panic attacks

Q.   I suffer from anxiety, and i have been married for 7 years now. I constantly have an argument with my husband whenever he is driving. I have severe fear from driving (specially highways), and i always argue with my husband if he just slightly gets ...

A.   24 August 2018: Yes see a therapist. Ask you doctor for a referral to someone who treats anxiety disorders then make an appointment ... (read in full...)

They look so happy on their photos and get so many likes on them and I can't help feeling like I despise them both

Q.   My ex and I broke up at the start of February after 5 years together. We shared a house, was talking about getting engaged and starting a family etc but I left. I realised I wanted to fulfill my dream of getting a degree which he didn't approve of. ...

A.   23 August 2018: Stop looking at his photos. He’s pushing your buttons and he knows it. Block him and move on. That is what you said you wanted. And just so you know I think you are well rid of him. ... (read in full...)

Our male co-worker is too friendly with my girlfriend

Q.   Hey so i work with my gf and we have this male coworker who is engaged. but he is always giving my gf a little gift like once a month. it could be some bread he baked or the last thing was a pack of paper clips with a note saying he hopes this ...

A.   23 August 2018: Your girlfriend likes the attention and the gifts. It strokes her ego to have a boyfriend and another guy mooning after her. Her continuing to take these gifts is disrespectful to you and to your relationship. When she tells you it’s nothing she is ... (read in full...)

My not going to my sister’s hen do may we’ll end our already strained relationship!

Q.   I need some advice about my sister's hen party. I live 4 hours drive from my sister and she has invited me for her hen weekend. I agreed to go several months back. The weekend involves overnight away, spa, drinks, meal out so is going to cost £2...

A.   17 August 2018: It is clear that you do not want to go so don’t go. Your sister may have asked you to be her matron of honor in an attempt to bring the two of you closer together. Something I’m not sure you really want. Cancel on the hen do and let the chips fall ... (read in full...)

How can I stop being mad at my parents ?

Q.   This is a family question not so much a love question. My cousin who I consider to be a sister has fallen ill and is here in this country by herself - her parents abandoned her - I have been named the guardian under hospital records and I have ...

A.   11 August 2018: You say you are staying in one of your parent’s properties. Are you paying rent? If you are then you are a tenant and they have no right to break in on you unannounced. Change the locks. If you’re staying rent free then you are a guest in one of ... (read in full...)

How to get rid of these feelings and truly move on?

Q.   Dear Aunts and uncles, Please don't judge me for this post. I genuinely need some good advice. My stomach feels empty and my throat feels tight. I feel so wretched. It started three years' ago. This guy at work started flirting with me. I am i...

A.   9 August 2018: Do the poor guy you’re getting married too and yourself a favor and call off the wedding. It’s clear you’re not in love with him and are marrying more out of obligation. After that then you can work on grieving the loss of your affair partner.... (read in full...)

How do I handle my girlfriend's ex without punching him in the face?

Q.   Hey people, I never usually ask questions like this online but I don't really know how to talk to anyone else about this. So sorry if this is all over the place. Anyway, I have been in a relationship with an amazing girl for the last 8 months an...

A.   8 August 2018: The ex doesn’t want her but doesn’t want her to be with anyone else. It sounds like the friend group is closer to him than her. It is time to start hanging out with different people. If she can’t or won’t do that then it is time for you to move ... (read in full...)

She’s a good wife and a good mother, but did she break me too much? Will I ever forget what she put me through?

Q.   My current wife and I dated from 2011 till now. I never had any reason to think she was ever unfaithful, but she talked a lot about ex boyfriends, and she had cheated on a number of them. We got engaged in 2014. And were supposed to get married i...

A.   8 August 2018: I feel so sorry for you. Yes you are broken and you need professional help to fix yourself. Your problems are deeper than anyone can fix here. You really need a good therapist. One that can help you get over the pain you are feeling as well as the ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend & I had our first real argument. She doesn't want to let it go. How do I approach this?

Q.   Hi Guys, I’ll keep this as short as possible. Basically had a bit of a disagreement with my GF of almost a year yesterday. We went to a supermarket to grab some things and she asked if we should swing by a McDonald’s on the way back. I sa...

A.   2 August 2018: She is holding a grudge about something this petty that happened a year ago. I have to assume you have children together and a mortgage and maybe co own a business because those are the only reasons I can imagine still being with someone that ... (read in full...)

I feel the need to have a child but I want it to be my lover's not my husband's

Q.   DO NOT JUDGE I am female, 34 years..i am married to a man-boy kinda of husband (45 years) who has no clue how to raise children..we have two..one mine and the first one is his...his past time is drinking....but he come through with finances......

A.   28 July 2018: Yes you want to bring another child into this soap opera. Deep down you know your thinking is screwed up otherwise you wouldn’t be writing here. Either work on fixing your marriage or end it. ... (read in full...)

I would like my 2 sons to rebuild their relationship. Can I do anything to help?

Q.   I have two sons. The oldest one, John, is 35 years old and the youngest one, Joe, is 33 years old. About five years ago, they got into a major argument. John did not like Joe's girlfriend and tried to talk to Joe about it. John crossed the line...

A.   25 July 2018: This is not your issue. If you do not want to alienate your younger son and his wife stay out of it. The older son has apologized that is all he can do now it is up to the younger one. But I would not hold out much hope if I were you. From my pers... (read in full...)

I told my married female friend that I'd never date a woman with children (she has them) and now she's blown me off

Q.   I have a female friend who's married with children. I've known her for 5 years and we work at the same company. I speak to her maybe 2-3 times a week and we usually go for coffee at least once a week. I am very fond of her, I would say I love...

A.   25 July 2018: She was clearly looking to replace her husband with you. When you told her that wasn’t going to happen she moved on. Count yourself lucky that you told her before you found yourself in an affair with a married woman. A married woman who has ... (read in full...)

The rude barista misbehaved with me and my husband took her side!!

Q.   Hi, I need help to understand a meaning of a conflict with my husband, who is completely in denial, and not compassionate with me,.. This is of-course not the only issue , we have but this one put me over the edge.. So few days ago I ordered...

A.   25 July 2018: Your husband was wrong to take this girl’s side over yours you have the right to be hurt and angry. But the only way to get to the bottom of his actions is to ask him why he did such a hurtful thing. Perhaps he will apologize. I’m curious is this... (read in full...)

How do I keep my ex out of my house?

Q.   My 11yrs old son became very upset today because he thought my ex-husband and I were arguing. This is what happend: my ex brought my son to the doctors to get his annual check up today at 1:00pm. He planned to drop my son off at my house at around 3...

A.   25 July 2018: Your ex is not an honorable man so stop expecting him to act like one. Change the locks on your doors and do not give him the key. This is going to be a pain but you’re going to have to arrange your schedule so that there is no more dropping the ... (read in full...)

I'm married he's married why can't I just walk away?

Q.   I am married and have been with a married man for 4 and a half years. He has continually asked me to marry him, sent me houses online and tells me that we are ‘one’ and meant to be . I have asked him to leave and be with me and he says he is not ...

A.   11 July 2018: ...or am I just another fool? You already know the answer to that one. He has you on a string. He dangles pictures of houses in front of you and makes promises of your being together, promises he will never keep. Unless his wife catches him and ... (read in full...)

What would you do in my situation? Travel first or settle down now, travel in retirement?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a man for a year. I'm pretty happy with this guy. We've had ups and downs, but overall things are good between us. We love each other. We have a holiday booked together and are planning to move in together. Howeve...

A.   11 July 2018: No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Do the things you want to and can do now. ... (read in full...)

*illy Bathgate's friends

These are mutual friends, so *illy Bathgate has added them and they have added *illy Bathgate!

Abella agony auntAbella
Bearinhk1981 agony auntBearinhk1981
tatersgal agony aunttatersgal

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.140624799998477!