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*illy Bathgate

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I kicked my partner out of my house because of his hurtful comments. Advice?

Q.   Yesterday I kicked my partner out of my home. He is 60 years old and has been a very high level banker in the past. We had a minor tiff when I confronted him (gently) by telling him I was hurt by a comment he made. I had shown him a mortgag...

A.   21 February 2018: What advice do you need? You rid yourself of an emotionally abusive gaslighter. You need us to tell you not to let him back in your life? OK don’t let him back in your life. You signed your question Alone Again. I figure it’s better being alon... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and my boyfriend talks trash to me. Should I tell him that it hurts me?

Q.   I am pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. It was an accident. He wanted me to get pregnant tho. He was a player for a long time. He calls me names like whore, skank and bitch. He tells me to just deal with it. It's usually in bed but sometimes ...

A.   21 February 2018: This guy at a minimum dislikes you and certainly has no respect for you. Of course it’s clear you have no respect for yourself otherwise you wouldn’t be with this loser. By the way he is still playing you. ... (read in full...)

What should I expect about finances, personal space and housework when we start living together?

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm gonna move in with my bf in couple.of months, we have been together for almost 2.5 years. I always lived alone or with my parents. So i'm not sure what to expect when we start living together like finances, personal space, house wor...

A.   21 February 2018: All of this is stuff that you need to be clear on before you move in. You say you will be paying him a small amount of rent. Does that cover your part of utilities? If not how much are you expected to pay? Are your salaries roughly equal? If so ... (read in full...)

I want to be his girlfriend..not his FWB

Q.   Am in a fwb situation..we are monogamous with each other..he tells me he loves me..I tell him that too.. But he says he does not want a girlfriend..he did take me out on valentines day..but next morning referred to me as his fuck buddy...I hate t...

A.   19 February 2018: Stop being his FB. And tell him why. He’ll either say he wants to be your BF or he won’t. You can then go find a guy who wants you for more than what is between your legs.... (read in full...)

I treated her good but she ghosted me, I still want her back.

Q.   Asking for advice,over a year ago, my ex girlfriend ghost me, no contact since, she didn't even say goodbye,I didn't do anything wrong, but treat her special,what I am asking is ,would it be stupid, in my part to try to contact her,I know every one ...

A.   15 February 2018: Leave her alone. She wants nothing to do with you. That should tell you what she thinks of you and your relationship. It is well past time for you to move on.... (read in full...)

My wife seems to have lost interest in sex but I suspects she masturbates

Q.   I'm a male 58,my wife is 58.we always had a good sex life but,now,she never ask me to give her an orgasam.she doesn't want me to kiss her much,very little breast touching.very little vagina touching. she acts like she doesn't care no more but will...

A.   12 February 2018: You can have an open honest talk with your wife. Ask her why she has gone off sex with you. If she can’t give you a straight answer you may need to make a decision about where your marriage is headed.... (read in full...)

What is considered cheating in an open relationship?

Q.   My wife and I agreed to be in an open relationship. We were both very into the idea for years. During sex, she haexpressed interest in a mutual male friend. Several months later I was suspecting that they were fooling around but she never mentione...

A.   12 February 2018: She’s lying to you and he is lying to his wife are having sex. Of course it’s an affair and cheating. I’m just stunned that a thirty something year old man can’t see that for himself.... (read in full...)

We went a month without sex and now I realize I don't want it anymore. How do I tell my boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and everything has been going well, until last month. We've been discussing a lot of changes in our relationship, where we want to live, what the plan is for the next few months etc. Anyway, we had a ...

A.   11 February 2018: My guess is that the one month sex break has more to do with your relationship with your boyfriend than with sex. Be honest do you really want to be with this guy? Probably not. Your hanging on for the security and you fear being alone and star... (read in full...)

I'm happy talking to this guy even though I'm married

Q.   Hello all, I am 32 years old and been married since I was 23, I have 3 daughters now, my husband is a really good person and i loved him so much but he has cheated on me three years ago. i forgave him and this year while i was pregnant he was in a...

A.   11 February 2018: You are in an emotional affair. You are expending energy on this relationship that should be going to your marriage. And you are giving the other guy the false impression that you are available. So you’re cheating both men. I don’t think you have... (read in full...)

My girlfriend wants a break, what chance is there for us?

Q.   So my girlfriend said she needs space to work out what she wants. Now I know that this isn’t a good thing but is it necessarily a bad thing? Obviously I have agreed to give her space for one week. Two points though do I text her at all to make sure ...

A.   11 February 2018: There is no such thing as a break. Your girlfriend broke up with you she just doesn’t have the guts to tell you straight out. You have two choices, you can sit around waiting for this break to be over hoping for a call or text that will never come... (read in full...)

I have a boyfriend but I'm still in love with my ex

Q.   Hiya do you believe that’s there’s a one in life I met this man 5 years ago and I’ve never felt that way about anyone before we split up due to not having enough time for each other and I was gutted for months we decided not to speak as it would ...

A.   11 February 2018: Breakup with your boyfriend, he deserves to be with someone who is there for him not someone holding a torch for another man. Once you have done that go back to your ex. Perhaps the two of you can make a go of it. And there is no The One for ever... (read in full...)

I'm tired of my sister, her obsession at finding a partner and the fact that she's constantly blaming me for her woes

Q.   My sister is angry with me and is using emotional blackmail, or at least try to make me feel guilty. Ever since we were kids she was obsessed with finding a bf and later on a husband. Sadly, even though she was always focused on this part of ...

A.   11 February 2018: Find yourself a counselor who can teach you about setting boundaries. Your sister is never going to stop you need to learn to stand up for you.... (read in full...)

My Mum is saying we shouldn't go to my brother's wedding due to a misunderstanding over outfits.

Q.   Hi Agony people. Need a bit of help here. My brother is due to get married during the summer. The bride's mum bought her outfit a few weeks ago. The groom's mum bought her last week in the same shop. Both outfits are completely different. The groom ...

A.   7 February 2018: Why would you not go to your brothers wedding over something this childish? If you want to alienate your brother and his new wife and any children they may have later then don’t go If on the other hand you want to behave like an adult who has a mind... (read in full...)

He thinks I am sick and twisted when I ask about hi past, we have no interesting conversation, its just boring.

Q.   Hi ,I have been dating this guy for 4 wks seeing him 2-3 times a wk .. meals out , walks in park etc but I feel bored already because he has told me not to ask about the past and he never asks me anything so our conversation is pretty standard ...

A.   7 February 2018: Why are you still seeing this guy? Is your self esteem so low that you’re willing to put up with this for a few walks in the park? This guy has problems I don’t know what they are you don’t know what they are but they seem severe. If you stick ... (read in full...)

Did I upset her?

Q.   A girl and me met at a friends place and crashing at thiers, we were getting along and she decided to go to bed after they had been out all night. They had to wake up one of the children for her to sleep in a seperate room. There were 2 couches ...

A.   6 February 2018: Upset her how? She wasn’t upset as far as you can tell but you think you did something wrong that didn’t upset her?... (read in full...)

I don’t really want to go on this vacation with my dad and his girlfriend!

Q.   Dear Cupid. I am 24 and need some advice... I’m due to go on a trip in june, with my dad and his girlfriend...tickets have been paid for and now I’m not really wanting to go...I’ll be stuck on a yacht for 10 days, their friends are going bu...

A.   5 February 2018: Your mother’s alcoholism has nothing to do with your dad’s infidelity. It may make you and your mother feel better to blame him but that is not how alcoholism works. If you don’t want to go on vacation with your father don’t go. You obviousl... (read in full...)

He’s blocked me on everything, do I wait to see if he comes back or do I move on?

Q.   Hi guys I need your advise. Me and my ex have broken up. A few months ago Due to arguing. But we are still meeting up nearly every week. He kept accusing me of cheating which I would never. He never likes me going out because guys would approach me ...

A.   3 February 2018: Stop wasting your time and move on.... (read in full...)

Whats with my husband saying the things he says to me?

Q.   I don’t understand why my husband says things that he says example : I tell him I’m running to the store after giving me that yeah right look he says ok. I’m gone 30 min and he texts stuff like. Having fun or what are you killing the cow. Or I kn...

A.   2 February 2018: Your husband is controlling and insecure. What he is doing is conditioning you to respond to his commands. He text you at the store so you hurry home. When you get home he gives you the silent treatment until the next day. This will go on until he ... (read in full...)

Three dates in and she does't want to kiss!

Q.   So I met a girl through Tinder and we went out for dinner. I'm 30 and she's 27. We hit it off really well. We talked for nearly 4 hours. She had a pretty bad cough though, and I didn't attempt any sort of physical contact except a brief touch of the ...

A.   30 January 2018: Of course she’s stringing you along! You’re 30 years old and still allowing yourself to be conned by a pretty face. Grow the heck up and swipe this broad out of your life.... (read in full...)

My sister wont listen, when this guy takes her for everything I am not going to help her!

Q.   My sister met this so called great guy in November and put him in the friend bracket, so she said. February of 2017 after a short relationship with another guy didn’t work she started dating this so called great guy. In a week of dating she brought ...

A.   30 January 2018: I assume your sister is an adult. What she does with her life is her business. If the guy turns out to be a con man of course you have no proof of that then that will be her problem. Of course I have to wonder what kind of man would turn his back... (read in full...)

My family wants me to forgive our dying father for the abuse but I can't!

Q.   Am I a demon for not caring that my dad is dying from cancer and i want nothin to do with it or him or those who care about it. I've posted about my dad with other accounts which I have deactivated. So I would just give a summary of what he did. ...

A.   30 January 2018: First you are not a demon. You are not a witch and you are not wrong for the way you feel. What is happening to you is sadly not unusual in abusive families. Everyone decides for various reasons to bury their heads in the sand and pretend ever... (read in full...)

The tickets have been bought, time planned but I don't want to go see my boyfriend

Q.   I have a plane ticket to go see my boyfriend this weekend. It's our anniversary and his uncle has gifted us with concert tickets and dinner. His uncle went through a lot of planning and prepping for this, because he's a really great guy and his aunt ...

A.   30 January 2018: If you don’t want to go don’t go. Sounds like the relationship has run it’s course. Call your boyfriend and tell him it’s over. Thank his uncle for his kindness and Offer to reimburse his uncle for the cost of your ticket(s). In fact don’t offer, ... (read in full...)

The thought of breaking up with my boyfriend is hard but I can't get the new girl out of my head

Q.   Hello! I have a sticky situation and need advice on what to do. My boyfriend and I have been together for roughly two years, we have had plenty of ups and downs during this time. He has been steadfast through each fight, though, as have I, u...

A.   28 January 2018: You and the boy are not sexually compatible. You have met someone else. Tell the boy it is over and get on with your life either with the girl or with someone else or on your own.... (read in full...)

He seemed so into me, said he had no wrong intentions... Then why did he ghost me after that evening of no sex?

Q.   I commute to work and every Friday, as I'm waiting at my bus stop, a young man would come and wait for the bus as well. We would exchange polite nods of the head, smiles, "good mornings" and then both of us would retreat back to our cell phones, ...

A.   28 January 2018: He didn’t get what he wanted out of you at the first asking and decided to move on. The way he has done it shows that he isn’t worth you wasting any more time thinking about him.... (read in full...)

I moved to be with my son and his family. They want me to leave, I'm miserable and don't have the money to leave

Q.   For years my son has been asking me to move to the state where he resides with his second wife her 4 children one which they share the other 3 has different fathers. One is handicapped severely. I had gone bankrupt and was a hair being evicted so I ...

A.   28 January 2018: Call your local YWCA and tell them your situation. The YWCA is in the business of helping women. They may be able to find you cheap temporary housing or put you in contact with agencies that can help. You need to get the heck away from these peop... (read in full...)

Her confession, while turning me on, makes me angry and I feel betrayed.

Q.   Where do I start? My wife and I have been married for close to 17 years and have 2 young daughters aged 10 and 8. We are a happy couple are most probably enjoying the best period of our married life. My wife is hot and still looks amazing......

A.   27 January 2018: Of course you’re right to feel angry and betrayed because you were betrayed. But now it is time for you to see a counselor either together or by yourself to help you work thru your anger. CNN recently ran a story about how infidelity can help stre... (read in full...)

He doesn't want my advice

Q.   What should I think of this? I'm feeling negative and weird about it. I've been together with my boyfriend for over only half a year. I think it's natural to make suggestions for someone you care about when they are going through a problem. He is ...

A.   26 January 2018: Your bf has made it clear he doesn’t want advice. Stop giving it unless he ask for it.... (read in full...)

Was it wrong of me to intoduce him to my kids so soon?

Q.   I started dating my ex husband when I was 15, he was the only guy I dated. We got married shortly after high school and had five kids together. I love him but neither of us were really in love with each other for years but we had kids and we were ...

A.   25 January 2018: You know your kids. You know this guy. You are the best judge of when to introduce someone to them.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says he will break up with me if I move 150 miles away

Q.   Iv been dating my boyfriend for a year and i love him so much. But i want to move in with my friend who lives 150 miles away and my boyfriend says if i do he will split up with me and look for someone else. So now i feel trapped because i dont want ...

A.   25 January 2018: There is a lot missing here like why you are moving 150 miles away. Are you moving for a job or some other valid reason? If so your boyfriend is a jerk. If you’re moving because you think it will be fun to live with your friend then it may be too ... (read in full...)

Its to the point where anything with my family causes problems between my husband and I

Q.   So my sister and I have never got on, even when we were kids. Now days we have little to do with one another, we have to get together occasionally because, you know, family, but we never talk, or have a conversation unless i'm being made fun of (I'm ...

A.   24 January 2018: I have to assume you and your husband have children. I can’t imagine why he would still be in this affenzirkus otherwise. When you married your husband you promised to love and honor him. Clearly you aren’t. Your relationship with your “family”... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel humiliated?

Q.   Why was this cAfe server laughing at me? Ordered a coffee from a mall cafe 3 weeks earlier.. I ordered a Coffee and a small cookie,( the same order I ordered 3 weeks ago) Same server. Whilst ordering she began laughing at me saying “...

A.   22 January 2018: This sounds like she was being friendly. And you are overreacting massively. ... (read in full...)

Should I try to reconnect with him now that I live nearby?

Q.   In October of last year, while I was on the west coast for a job interview I met a guy from Tinder. His profile said he wasn't looking for a relationship but just looking to meet cool people. We went on a date, had a great time and while it wasn't ...

A.   21 January 2018: If you have his number call him. What’s the worst that can happen, he says he’s seeing someone? At least then you can stop wondering.... (read in full...)

He's abusive and I need to get out

Q.   I'm going through a really difficult period in my life and don't know what to do. How to restart and go on... I'm 41 and have been with my husband for 15 years, no kids. Good times and bad. Well now things have gotten pretty bad. The good times y...

A.   21 January 2018: If you are in the United States call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 online at TheHotline.org. If you’re not in the US figure out that countries equavelent organization and call them. They will provide you the help you need.... (read in full...)

How do I handle troublesome ex?

Q.   My boyfriend had a son from a previous relationship. We have 2 children together now and one on the way. This ex of his won't let him see his other child, and talks a lot of nonsense about him on social media, whether it's directly or indirectly. I ...

A.   20 January 2018: It is not your job to handle the troublesome ex it is your bf’s. Block her on social media and block her phone number if she is calling you. His seeing his son is his issue. If he needs to get a court order to enforce visitation then he needs to... (read in full...)

Thiinking of leaving because husband is so controlling

Q.   Hi I have been married for 25 years. We have had some good times but my husband is very controlling and demeans me. I am not allowed to have any male friends because in his mind it’s wrong and that means I am having sex with them. If I enjoy...

A.   20 January 2018: Then leave. Why stay in a marriage with a man who makes you miserable? You don’t say how old your children are but I assume they are adults or close too it so that should be an issue Sounds like this marriage ran it’s course long ago. Find yourself... (read in full...)

Why does my partner bring up my ex?

Q.   Why does my partner bring up my ex? This will happen if she wishes to upset me in an arguement or even from right out of nowhere; which can be particularly problematic. I have told my partner that I really dont want to talk about her. I have reas...

A.   20 January 2018: You have told your current partner that her bringing up your deceased partner upsets you yet she still does. It upsets you to the point that it is turning you hostile and angry. The question you need to be asking yourself is not why does she do i... (read in full...)

How do I get my life back?

Q.   Husband found out I have been using tumblr for fandom stuff and threatened to smash my phone. He didn't understand what "reblogging" meant and thought that character pictures were actually real dudes. I'm not allowed to talk to "strange people on ...

A.   20 January 2018: Why are you with this guy. You need to call a Domestic Abuse hotline or Thehotline.org and tell them you need to get away from a controlling abusive husband. Because that’s what this guy is. Good luck... (read in full...)

I feel I owe this married man an apology

Q.   Hello Aunts, I met this man sometime in 2015 when i was on a temporal job in another state in the country. He is Married with a son. When we first met, he was attracted to me and we pretty get along so well. He dropped hints about dating me bu...

A.   20 January 2018: For the love of G-d leave this man alone. He is married and apparently plans to stay that way. Stop this stupid childish on again off again flirtation you have going on, that’s what it is not friendship and get on with your life. You say you don’t ... (read in full...)

I’m feeling guilty for our breakup!

Q.   First of I was married for 7 years I have two boys they r young 3 and 7. I divorced my husband can give a straight reason we just didn’t get along couldn’t work as a team. It was like we where against each other all the time. He was depressed and I ...

A.   18 January 2018: If you no longer love your ex husband do not go back to him. You are not responsible for his unhappiness. Except for taking his children from him but that happens to all most all men in divorce. You can encourage him to seek help for his depr... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me

Q.   my boyfriend of year and a half just doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me. I am a very romantic woman and I like to cuddle, hold hands and kiss in public but he never does any and when I approach him he backs off. I cant ...

A.   16 January 2018: You have discussed this issue with him. He has attempted to change but always falls back into his normal pattern of behavior. If he is your age he is unlikely to change at this point. You have two choices: learn to accept that this is who he is and ... (read in full...)

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