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*illy Bathgate

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I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me!

Q.   Hi To keep a long story short, I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me, her parents and a few of her other friends. It's the first time I've seen her since she rejected me a few weeks ago. We're trying to be friends but i just ...

A.   11 April 2019: Be polite and distant. ... (read in full...)

How do I chose the one to spend my life with?

Q.   i got into so much mess its driving me insane. I cant find my way anymore im in two long term relationships one of 21 years and one of 2 years I don't know what to do. I cant seem to make a choice through uncertainty, feeling scared of the pain and ...

A.   8 April 2019: If you wanted to be in the long term relationship you wouldn’t have started cheating on him and you certainly wouldn’t have let it go on for two years. You want to be with the new guy so be with him. Let the LTR guy go so that he can find some... (read in full...)

I am willing but don't want to move too fast.

Q.   Dear Cupid I am single and have been for the last 20 yrs. Only thingvI do is work and come home to an empty house my children are grown and on their own. I really want to get back out in the dating world but I am afraid of getting hurt again my pass ...

A.   8 April 2019: Invite him out for dinner somewhere else. Home dates are for way down the line. After you are in a relationship... (read in full...)

I found evidence that my wife has been cheating. She denies it. Is she lying?

Q.   I recently found out my wife of 12 years has been seeing a guy from work for the past 3 months. I found a messenger conversation between her and her friend. In it it says they are like love sick teenagers. She talks about getting caught with him in ...

A.   9 January 2019: You have proof. So yes she is lying. My question is what more proof do you need? Now where do you go from here? ... (read in full...)

Was I in the wrong to tell her to let my boss know? Is ending our friendship justified?

Q.   So My husband works in the oil field industry and we live 12 hours away from home. We are alone in the state we are in, and have no family close by. In 2017, My husband befriended his coworker and wanted me to meet his coworkers wife so I could have ...

A.   9 January 2019: You did not have a friendship you had a friendl acquaintance based on circumstances. You are far from home and your husbands work together. You said yourself she isn’t your type. She’s out of your life and good riddance. ... (read in full...)

How can I deal with my coworker's crazy girlfriend?

Q.   First off, I know I probably can't do much if anything about this, but I thought I would ask for advice anyway. Background: Recently I organized a secret gift swap for the holidays at my new job. I got my assistant manager, who is around the sa...

A.   9 January 2019: Block her! ... (read in full...)

I can't forget the guy I cheated with.

Q.   About 6 months ago, I cheated on my boyfriend with a male friend. I won't go into details, but my boyfriend and I worked through it and I cut contact with the other guy. Today he sent me an email to wish me happy Christmas and said he misses me. I ...

A.   29 December 2018: You need to drop your boyfriend and let him find a woman who really cares about him. Then you can be with the guy you want to be with. Better for everyone involved.... (read in full...)

My step children's mother is creating problems

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles I need some advice please. Not sure where to go from here. I have 2 beautiful step children. They have just got back from a once in a lifetime holiday with their Mum. We didn’t know about this holiday at all as the...

A.   29 December 2018: This is your husband’s issue. If he doesn’t have a formal court sanctioned visitation agreement with the children’s mother he needs to get an attorney and work one out. But he should have done that befyou came into the picture. If he won’t then you ... (read in full...)

Should I give her a Christmas present for her son.

Q.   Over the past couple of months i have been getting to know a really nice woman that i have met locally to where i live, she is 37, and im 42. We are taking things really slow at the moment as we both have a lot going on at present. Things are ...

A.   24 December 2018: As long as the present isn’t expensive or elaborate it can’t hurt. The only downside is she could feel bad if she has not bought anything for your son. But that is a minor blip.... (read in full...)

Why did my husband lie to me that he picked up a female coworker?

Q.   I have been married 25 years, recently his work hired a female, he had mentioned to me he was asked by his boss to pick her up for work. One morning he dropped me off and my friend called me saying she just seen my husband and a female in his truck, ...

A.   21 December 2018: Lying screaming and a two day hissy fit? Why do you think he lied? It really doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.... (read in full...)

Found out GF had 4some and 3somes with people I know

Q.   Hello, I just found out my girlfriend of 6 years had multiple threesomes, and even a foursome MMMF. She was dating one guy but had sex with his three friends without him. When he found out she offered to have sex with him and another guy she was ...

A.   10 December 2018: You’re not married, you don’t say that you live together or have a mortgage. You don’t mention any children. If her past behavior bothers you find another lady friend ... (read in full...)

I can't get my ex to leave me alone

Q.   So, I was engaged to a guy and we broke up a year ago. So, my ex is military he moved to Germany while I live in the U.S. it was a toxic relationship. When he was in the U.S. him and I we’re together for two years. We broke up and got back together ...

A.   10 December 2018: The next time this dangerous stalker sends you anything: flowers, cards or candy anything do not accept it. If he sends you flowers do not accept them. If he sends you a card write RETURN TO SENDER on it and drop it in the nearest mailbox. Tell your ... (read in full...)

I had an affair with my boss

Q.   I had an affair with my boss. We are both married. It was clearly an emotional affair for five years and then we crossed the line. I know it was wrong and there’s different reasons on both sides why we went down this path - not an excuse though. His ...

A.   2 December 2018: He’s playing you. If you stay you will end up back in bed with him. He knows that all he has to do is bide his time and keep playing his game. The question is do you want your marriage to survive. I don’t know why you would as you clearly love this ... (read in full...)

Why would a mother do this to her own children? Where do I go from here?

Q.   It will be two years in February since i stopped talking to my mother. Myself and my sister found out she had been telling a lot of strange lies about us behind our backs for years. I always thought the rest of the family and family friends were ...

A.   30 November 2018: Your mother is either mentally ill or evil. Either way people like her are not capable of of seeing that what they are doing is wrong. You have done the right thing by distancing yourself I hope you and your sister seek therapy to help you over... (read in full...)

He's extremely possessive and mentally abusive but I still love him. Advice please!!

Q.   Hi. I am new to this so very nervous. I really need some advice about my partner. I have been with him for just over a year and I feel like I can't do anything right. He mentally abuses me constantly..well this is what I'm guessing it is?! He will ...

A.   14 November 2018: Find a therapist who can help you learn to value yourself ... (read in full...)

I’m excited at the concept of an open relationship but I’m not really happy with the current situation.

Q.   My girlfriend of 6 years is studying abroad for a year (since mid-September). We’re fairly committed to each other so we are trying to do long distance. We are also fairly sexual people but have only ever really been with each other. We are also ...

A.   30 October 2018: You need to adopt a dadt approach. If she hooks up with someone she should keep it to herself and you do the same. If and when she comes back anything she did while away stays there and anything you did goes into the memory hole. When she gets back... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   30 October 2018: We call that “Eating one’s cake and having it.” He gets no strings sex from you and keeps his wife and family. And all he has to do is tell you a few lies straight from the cheaters handbook. You know he’s lying. You know he’s never going to leav... (read in full...)

During a break I went to work on my flaws but he never took responsibility of his. Now hes forcing his way back into my life. What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I of 2 years went on a 6 week break after many rows. This was mainly due to my insecurity issues, which caused many arguments leading to the break. During the break I wanted to make a huge change in my life and went to see ...

A.   30 October 2018: Stop seeing this guy. You know he is no good. So why are you letting him back into your life. Tell him it’s over. Tell him you don’t want to be his friend or any other such post break up nonsense then remove him from your life. Block his phone numb... (read in full...)

I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...

A.   18 October 2018: No and no. You didn’t cheat on him and no you shouldn’t tell him. There is no upside to telling him. But going out and kissing men to make yourself feel better or to somehow get back at your BF is not really a sign of emotional maturity. ... (read in full...)

I believe my husband has sick fantasies about my daughter. She trusts him. What should I do?

Q.   I found a spare phone in my husband's truck and saved to his favorites was "Stepdaughter fucks step dad".. I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter that lives with us . I'm leaving him because to me, that is unacceptable and I will never look at him ...

A.   18 October 2018: All you can do is tell her and show her what you found. But she is 18 and an adult and entitled to make her own decisions. Even a bad one.... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   17 October 2018: You’re not his girlfriend friend. The way I understand these FWB things is that they allow the participants unencumberec no strings sex. How can you be angry at him for giving you what you want?... (read in full...)

Should I give my ex money back for a trip that he won't be taking with my family?

Q.   Hey guys. Since my last post I've taken your advice and no longer visit my exs social media accounts. I am actually in the process of moving on and have even met someone else :) I'm just writing because it's coming to the time where I sign ...

A.   17 October 2018: Yes it would be unreasonable for your family to keep the money. He paid it with the expectation that he would be joining his GF and her family on vacation. Your ending the relationship has deprived him of that. Unless you expect him to join you on ... (read in full...)

I'm willing to leave my husband but my married lover isn't saying anything about leaving his wife

Q.   Iv been having an affair for a couple of years now and decided to end my marriage. I'm living with a friend but my married lover is still staying put. I said it was my problem about leaving my husband but he said he was still worried for me. He ...

A.   14 October 2018: Why should he leave his wife; because you left your marriage? Why would he do something that stupid? He gets his wife and his comfortable life and he no longer has to share his side piece with another man. Your leaving your husband was a win/win ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend found the engagement ring box and thinks I'm cheating

Q.   More than a year ago I bought an expensive emerald engagement ring to give to my live-in girlfriend intending to propose. I never quite found the right time because of some personal problems in her family and then later on we had big fight and I re...

A.   9 October 2018:  Things are rocky enough that you know marriage is not right. You keep thinking that things will get better but they haven’t. You need to ask yourself honestly are they ever going to get to the point that you can ask her to marry you. If not then ... (read in full...)

On social media he blocks me, unblocks me, friends me then unfriends, I don't know what to do.

Q.   I have no idea where to begin I am only hoping you all can offer some advice. So I was with my ex for three years, we were engaged at one point, but I broke it off after our twin babies were born stillborn. We stayed in a relationship we just ...

A.   1 October 2018: Unfriend him and block him stop messaging him and move on with your life... (read in full...)

Dad needs some help in his relationship.

Q.   Hello, Please could someone help give me some good advice, I don't know what else to do.... I am currently in a 10 year relationship and we have 3 young children and the kids are our worlds and we do love each other, but I am deeply disappoin...

A.   27 September 2018: If you do DNA testing on your children I think you will find that you are not the father of at least one of them. Perhaps that would be enough to make you leavevthis toxic relationship but you have put up with ten years of lies p, disrespect and ... (read in full...)

Iv recently found out my wife has had sex with women

Q.   Hi, found this site accidentally while googling my issue. Ive been with someone 28 years and married 25 years, been together since late teens, thought everything was ok but now I know isnt. Iv recently found out my wife has had sex on more that a ...

A.   22 September 2018: If it was me the marriage would be over but it seems you want the marriage to continue. So you’ll have to learn to forgive and forget what happened in the past and turn a blind eye to her future infidelity. ... (read in full...)

Her husband abruptly didn’t want to move! Any advice on how I can advise her?

Q.   A good friend of mine is very upset. She had accepted a promotion with her company to move to Florida. Her husband is a pilot for a major airline and also made arrangements to relocate to Florida. So my friend went through the process to buy a house ...

A.   22 September 2018: Yes stay out of it. This is between her and her husband.... (read in full...)

My wife wants to use a sperm donor to ensure that our third child isn't autistic but I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Q.   My wife (34f) and I (36m) have been married for just over six years and in many ways have an ideal marriage and are very much still in love. Despite two kids, we still have sex 2 - 3 times per week. We still find time for getaways nearby beaches, ...

A.   20 September 2018: Your wife is essentially telling you that your children aren’t good enough for her? Man that has got to sting. I don’t know how anyone could be that cruel and selfish. If you are not both on board with this crazy idea you should not go thru with... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's mother hates me and my boyfriend takes her side

Q.   Recently I've been feeling distant from my boyfriend, he s not the person I love with. He critisces everything I do and makes me feel worthless, I've tried talking to him about how He s making me feel but he says he doesn't put me down that ...

A.   16 September 2018: Dump The Mother F**ker Already. There is no reason to stay with this guy. ... (read in full...)

How do I get over this anger toward my ex?

Q.   It's been over 3 months since me and my ex broke up. Tonight a mutual friend said he has been really low for a few weeks and that could I talk to him. I had blocked him on everything and although I felt okay, I wasn't sure it was a good idea.......

A.   16 September 2018: You are under no obligation to help your ex not feel low. You don’t have to talk to him you don’t have to be friends with him and you don’t have to engage him on social media. If you want to block him block him and don’t allow friends to guilt you ... (read in full...)

Would it be ok to ask my mum to buy me a vibrator?

Q.   I'm 17 and have the money to buy a vibrator, but I have no way of actually getting one by myself. I don't have any friends old enough to take me some where that will sell them to people under 18, and I don't have a credit/debit card so I can't buy ...

A.   16 September 2018: dear. And sex devices are not just for adults.... (read in full...)

My new boyfriend has become obsessed about my past

Q.   Hi there I ended my marriage a year ago due to domestic violence. I was married for 10 years and have 2 children out of this marriage. I'm in a long term relationship with this wonderful man - very caring, sympathetic, logical and strong minded p...

A.   14 September 2018: He is none of the things you listed. Strong caring sympathetic and logical men do not act this way. He is in fact a weak petty jealous bully. His behavior is abusive. You need to take the blinders off and see this man for what he is and where your... (read in full...)

I want my mother to move in with us so I can take care of her

Q.   Hi everyone. My fiance and I are in the process of moving back to my home state and purchasing a house there. It is a relatively large house and we have more than enough space to start a family. My mom is not in the best of health. She recen...

A.   12 September 2018: If you want to kill your family before it starts insist on your mother living with you. You want to buy the affection of a woman who was abusive to you as a child. You say she’s kind of mellowed out. That is because you’re an adult. Why in the name ... (read in full...)

My brother finally introduced us to his fiance - she's my ex!

Q.   My brother has recently introduced the family to his new fiancée - but there's a massive issue. Basically he lives away and none of us have met her before - we only knew her name. We were all excited to meet her - but when he introduced her to ...

A.   12 September 2018: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. It’s time for you to be an adult. Tell your family about your child, their grandchild and niece. ... (read in full...)

Why would my cheating wife try to contact me after 6 months of NC?

Q.   Well it's been almost 7 months since my cheating wife left me for her boss. Although she never admitted to an affair I have mountains of evidence proving otherwise. Long story short... I thought I had her blocked on everything. I have been ...

A.   1 September 2018: Why do you care if she’s trying to reconnect? You have made the decision to block her and move on with your life. You have done the first part now continue with the second. Whatever reason(s) she had for trying to contact you are irrelevant. Don’... (read in full...)

My paranoia has driven us apart

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Sadly I have a problem which I've had for a few years, Where I suffer with paranoia. This has affected our relationship greatly, and has pushed us apart. We've now been on break (his idea) for now 3 ...

A.   27 August 2018: Sound to me like you knew there was a problem but waited to fix the problem after the boyfriend had had enough. Now you think if you check off some boxes he will come back. Understand that a break is a breakup. He is gone, the relationship is over... (read in full...)

My will be joining another couple for a threesome

Q.   So let me start by saying my wife and I have been married for 8 years an are blessed/ deeply in love. So last night we had a couple over for cocktails, I was at work when they arrived and when I got there my wife was already buzzed and was acting v...

A.   27 August 2018: You have two choices tell her in no uncertain terms that if she goes thru with this you’re gone or resign yourself to being a cuckold. Understand if you make the ultimatum you have to be willing to follow thru. Keep in mind that she may agree not to ... (read in full...)

What is my ex playing at?

Q.   A couple of years ago I was seeing a guy whilst at University but he really messed me around and we constantly had an up and down on and off relationship. I then blocked him when I finished Uni which was over a year ago and didn't think of him much ...

A.   27 August 2018: He’s playing games because he’s playing games. It must have given him quite a charge seeing how quickly you jumped to get in touch with him. If he could see this he would probably be giddy with joy. Block him and move on. If he pulls this again ... (read in full...)

My husband's driving triggers my panic attacks

Q.   I suffer from anxiety, and i have been married for 7 years now. I constantly have an argument with my husband whenever he is driving. I have severe fear from driving (specially highways), and i always argue with my husband if he just slightly gets ...

A.   24 August 2018: Yes see a therapist. Ask you doctor for a referral to someone who treats anxiety disorders then make an appointment ... (read in full...)

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