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*illy Bathgate

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I'm in love with my boyfriend's best friend!

Q.   I just need some advice on a situation I am overwhelmed by. im not sure how common this situation is , I don't want to be judged I just need some help. so the situation is this. I have been with my boyfriend for four years, our relationship has...

A.   20 June 2019: This happens to people all the time. You have two choices: Tell your boyfriend how you feel. Explain to him that it’s nothing he’s done but you have fallen for someone else. And send him on his way with your deepest apologies. Or you can choo... (read in full...)

Is it okay to not want to contact my only remaining family?

Q.   Hi, I’l l try and keep this short. I am not angry or sad. If anything I feel at piece. However, recently some mutual friends have started pressuring me into reconnecting with my family and I know they mean well, but… I just do not feel th...

A.   16 June 2019: Tell these so called friends to butt out. Your mother’s family have shown you who they are. Do not give them any more chances to abuse you. ... (read in full...)

Who is the guarded one? I’m ready for a relationship and am willing to work on opening up!

Q.   I’m looking at online dating and chatting with a guy.He keeps saying, I’m guarded.But I’m prepared to trust, tell him whatever he needs to know,. I’ve told him to ask, what does he want to know.? I want to get to know him and have told him so. He ...

A.   9 June 2019: You may want to stop communicating with this guy and find someone else. He sounds manipulative and as if he is fishing for information. Don’t let your desire for a new relationship push you into a compromising situation. ... (read in full...)

Our vacation centers always around my boyfriend

Q.   I've been with my bf for nearly 5 years. He's from a different country so we don't get to go on vacation unless it's to see his friends and family. I don't mind but when we do go we don't get time to relax. I've gotten sick on this trip to the point ...

A.   9 June 2019: You’re an adult. If you don’t want to visit his relatives don’t. Tell him to go visit his relatives and you’re going to the lake country or wherever you like this year.... (read in full...)

Should I delete my email account altogether so that he can't get in touch with me?

Q.   Hello my ex- fiancé and I broke up 7 months ago. We’re together for about two years! He moved to another country because he is in the military. Anyway to make things easier I blocked him off of all social media, phone etc. Today he emailed me! All ...

A.   9 June 2019: Figure out how to use the block feature on your email ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cant see my point of view and issued an ultimatum

Q.   I'm in a bit of a dilemma as I've just started a relationship with a girl who I really thought was the one. We've been going out for about four months now and I really do love her and she loves me. She's just been on a massive rant to me today ...

A.   27 May 2019: Dump her. Unless you want her controlling who you can be friends with dump her. Jealousy does not get better. So for your sake drop her like a bad habit.... (read in full...)

How can I stay grounded, protect myself and keep even firmer boundaries with an absolutely ghastly ex?

Q.   Today I realized that I am experiencing Crazy-Making with my ex, whom I split up with over 9 years ago. There has been a repeated pattern of him provoking arguments and there is no room for effective communication to take place; he chooses to ta...

A.   18 May 2019: Any time you’re talking to him and he crosses the line tell him it’s none of his business. You mentioned the gym so if he ask how much time are you spending at the gym tell him it is none of his business. When he starts with that crap about how much ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to have sex with my aunt who's now divorced from my uncle?

Q.   My non-biological aunt and I are considering a sexual relationship. She divorced my uncle about 8 months ago and got completely cut off from my family until I messaged her. We have gone on a few "dates" and been sexual but only with our hands (i.e. ...

A.   17 May 2019: This is going to make things terribly complicated come the next family gathering but you’re both adults and there is nothing legally wrong with what you’re doing. Just keep in mind that your uncle and other members of your family probably won’t ta... (read in full...)

Does my girlfriend deserve a second chance because she didn't 'go all the way'?

Q.   I can’t forgive my girlfriend for cheating on me even though she didn’t ‘go all the way’ with the other guy. I’ve told her what she did was unforgivable but my friends and family all think she deserves a second chance and that I’m being too harsh on ...

A.   14 May 2019: She cheated, you no longer trust her move on!... (read in full...)

I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband

Q.   I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...

A.   11 May 2019: Ignore the other commentators. Block this guy. Don’t respond to him at all. He’s bluffing and won’t tell your husband. Your husband is living in blissful ignorance about the type of woman he’s married too. Let him stay that way.... (read in full...)

She can’t choose between us two!

Q.   I had a girlfriend who we met when she was in a relationship i won her then after few months she dumped me and went back to him,after 9 months she came back stalking me saying im the love of his life and she is still with her boyfriend when i ask ...

A.   10 May 2019: You should find another girl. ... (read in full...)

Whenever we disagree he brings up everything that has ever made him mad!

Q.   Well, my boyfriend and I have been dating 20 months. He said God brought us together but this relationship has been emotionally draining. He has such a quit temper that even when I say things that are right I'm still wrong. He is not a person that ...

A.   2 May 2019: You deal with this emotionally abusive gaslighting creep by dumping him. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells. If the thought of a lifetime of that doesn’t bother you stay with him. ... (read in full...)

I looked in fiance's tablet to find out he lied to me about where he was. Where do I go from here?

Q.   My fiancé plays soccer once a week with our mutual friends and also invites his colleagues. I tried it a few times but wasn’t into it and stopped going. Up until a month ago he would come home around 8 and we would have dinner together. Then, one ...

A.   21 April 2019: He was out on a date. He’s either looking to play away or looking to replace you or both. Seems to me you know all you need to know. So you either confront him and see what he has to say or you dump him. If you decide to confront him and he comes ... (read in full...)

How do I avoid talking about my family when it comes to dating?

Q.   How can I avoid my family or topics of my family now that I am back into the dating game ? My family is highly dysfunctional and untrustworthy; both my parents verbally abused me when I was younger and nothing was ever good enough. To this ...

A.   21 April 2019: “I am estranged from my family. It’s very painful for me and I prefer not to talk about them.” If your date can’t let it go don’t date them. You owe know one whom you are not in a relationship with an explanation of family.... (read in full...)

How do we move past what I did?

Q.   Just a little background to begin.Married for 16 years,2 teenage kids,work and money have been a huge source of stress for the past year.My wife is often gone with one of my children out of town for sports most weekends for the past 2 years. over ...

A.   21 April 2019: Go back home now. Your wife has been cheating on you for months and has already checked out of the marriage. By leaving the house you have essentially abandoned your family. And your stupidity has given her the opportunity to paint you as the bad ... (read in full...)

I have read some horrible things about a singer I loved. Should I stop listening to his music?

Q.   I have really enjoyed listening to this person's music ever since I was around 10 , I danced to all his songs and sung them on karaoke at weddings and bought his albums . I have a full bookshelf full of all his greatest hits . He is not alive ...

A.   19 April 2019: Richard Wagner was a virulent anti-Semite which is why he was the the Nazis favorite composer. Should orchestras and operas stop performing his works? Well yes you should because it’s crap but they don’t. Frank Sinatra and Miles Davis we’re both ... (read in full...)

He broke up with me and now I'm pregnant

Q.   Hello all! I’m in a tough situation.. So last week my boyfriend broke up with me because of pressure from his family. Here’s the gist of it: We started dating a year and half ago. I’m bi-racial, half black and half Hispanic. He’s Indian. When we ...

A.   19 April 2019: You have a few options. But if you decide to keep the baby he has a legal and moral responsibility to support the child financially. Tell him you are pregnant and see his reaction. Don’t expect him to ask you to take him back. He’s already made... (read in full...)

I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me!

Q.   Hi To keep a long story short, I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me, her parents and a few of her other friends. It's the first time I've seen her since she rejected me a few weeks ago. We're trying to be friends but i just ...

A.   11 April 2019: Be polite and distant. ... (read in full...)

How do I chose the one to spend my life with?

Q.   i got into so much mess its driving me insane. I cant find my way anymore im in two long term relationships one of 21 years and one of 2 years I don't know what to do. I cant seem to make a choice through uncertainty, feeling scared of the pain and ...

A.   8 April 2019: If you wanted to be in the long term relationship you wouldn’t have started cheating on him and you certainly wouldn’t have let it go on for two years. You want to be with the new guy so be with him. Let the LTR guy go so that he can find some... (read in full...)

I am willing but don't want to move too fast.

Q.   Dear Cupid I am single and have been for the last 20 yrs. Only thingvI do is work and come home to an empty house my children are grown and on their own. I really want to get back out in the dating world but I am afraid of getting hurt again my pass ...

A.   8 April 2019: Invite him out for dinner somewhere else. Home dates are for way down the line. After you are in a relationship... (read in full...)

I found evidence that my wife has been cheating. She denies it. Is she lying?

Q.   I recently found out my wife of 12 years has been seeing a guy from work for the past 3 months. I found a messenger conversation between her and her friend. In it it says they are like love sick teenagers. She talks about getting caught with him in ...

A.   9 January 2019: You have proof. So yes she is lying. My question is what more proof do you need? Now where do you go from here? ... (read in full...)

Was I in the wrong to tell her to let my boss know? Is ending our friendship justified?

Q.   So My husband works in the oil field industry and we live 12 hours away from home. We are alone in the state we are in, and have no family close by. In 2017, My husband befriended his coworker and wanted me to meet his coworkers wife so I could have ...

A.   9 January 2019: You did not have a friendship you had a friendl acquaintance based on circumstances. You are far from home and your husbands work together. You said yourself she isn’t your type. She’s out of your life and good riddance. ... (read in full...)

How can I deal with my coworker's crazy girlfriend?

Q.   First off, I know I probably can't do much if anything about this, but I thought I would ask for advice anyway. Background: Recently I organized a secret gift swap for the holidays at my new job. I got my assistant manager, who is around the sa...

A.   9 January 2019: Block her! ... (read in full...)

I can't forget the guy I cheated with.

Q.   About 6 months ago, I cheated on my boyfriend with a male friend. I won't go into details, but my boyfriend and I worked through it and I cut contact with the other guy. Today he sent me an email to wish me happy Christmas and said he misses me. I ...

A.   29 December 2018: You need to drop your boyfriend and let him find a woman who really cares about him. Then you can be with the guy you want to be with. Better for everyone involved.... (read in full...)

My step children's mother is creating problems

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles I need some advice please. Not sure where to go from here. I have 2 beautiful step children. They have just got back from a once in a lifetime holiday with their Mum. We didn’t know about this holiday at all as the...

A.   29 December 2018: This is your husband’s issue. If he doesn’t have a formal court sanctioned visitation agreement with the children’s mother he needs to get an attorney and work one out. But he should have done that befyou came into the picture. If he won’t then you ... (read in full...)

Should I give her a Christmas present for her son.

Q.   Over the past couple of months i have been getting to know a really nice woman that i have met locally to where i live, she is 37, and im 42. We are taking things really slow at the moment as we both have a lot going on at present. Things are ...

A.   24 December 2018: As long as the present isn’t expensive or elaborate it can’t hurt. The only downside is she could feel bad if she has not bought anything for your son. But that is a minor blip.... (read in full...)

Why did my husband lie to me that he picked up a female coworker?

Q.   I have been married 25 years, recently his work hired a female, he had mentioned to me he was asked by his boss to pick her up for work. One morning he dropped me off and my friend called me saying she just seen my husband and a female in his truck, ...

A.   21 December 2018: Lying screaming and a two day hissy fit? Why do you think he lied? It really doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out.... (read in full...)

Found out GF had 4some and 3somes with people I know

Q.   Hello, I just found out my girlfriend of 6 years had multiple threesomes, and even a foursome MMMF. She was dating one guy but had sex with his three friends without him. When he found out she offered to have sex with him and another guy she was ...

A.   10 December 2018: You’re not married, you don’t say that you live together or have a mortgage. You don’t mention any children. If her past behavior bothers you find another lady friend ... (read in full...)

I can't get my ex to leave me alone

Q.   So, I was engaged to a guy and we broke up a year ago. So, my ex is military he moved to Germany while I live in the U.S. it was a toxic relationship. When he was in the U.S. him and I we’re together for two years. We broke up and got back together ...

A.   10 December 2018: The next time this dangerous stalker sends you anything: flowers, cards or candy anything do not accept it. If he sends you flowers do not accept them. If he sends you a card write RETURN TO SENDER on it and drop it in the nearest mailbox. Tell your ... (read in full...)

I had an affair with my boss

Q.   I had an affair with my boss. We are both married. It was clearly an emotional affair for five years and then we crossed the line. I know it was wrong and there’s different reasons on both sides why we went down this path - not an excuse though. His ...

A.   2 December 2018: He’s playing you. If you stay you will end up back in bed with him. He knows that all he has to do is bide his time and keep playing his game. The question is do you want your marriage to survive. I don’t know why you would as you clearly love this ... (read in full...)

Why would a mother do this to her own children? Where do I go from here?

Q.   It will be two years in February since i stopped talking to my mother. Myself and my sister found out she had been telling a lot of strange lies about us behind our backs for years. I always thought the rest of the family and family friends were ...

A.   30 November 2018: Your mother is either mentally ill or evil. Either way people like her are not capable of of seeing that what they are doing is wrong. You have done the right thing by distancing yourself I hope you and your sister seek therapy to help you over... (read in full...)

He's extremely possessive and mentally abusive but I still love him. Advice please!!

Q.   Hi. I am new to this so very nervous. I really need some advice about my partner. I have been with him for just over a year and I feel like I can't do anything right. He mentally abuses me constantly..well this is what I'm guessing it is?! He will ...

A.   14 November 2018: Find a therapist who can help you learn to value yourself ... (read in full...)

I’m excited at the concept of an open relationship but I’m not really happy with the current situation.

Q.   My girlfriend of 6 years is studying abroad for a year (since mid-September). We’re fairly committed to each other so we are trying to do long distance. We are also fairly sexual people but have only ever really been with each other. We are also ...

A.   30 October 2018: You need to adopt a dadt approach. If she hooks up with someone she should keep it to herself and you do the same. If and when she comes back anything she did while away stays there and anything you did goes into the memory hole. When she gets back... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   30 October 2018: We call that “Eating one’s cake and having it.” He gets no strings sex from you and keeps his wife and family. And all he has to do is tell you a few lies straight from the cheaters handbook. You know he’s lying. You know he’s never going to leav... (read in full...)

During a break I went to work on my flaws but he never took responsibility of his. Now hes forcing his way back into my life. What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I of 2 years went on a 6 week break after many rows. This was mainly due to my insecurity issues, which caused many arguments leading to the break. During the break I wanted to make a huge change in my life and went to see ...

A.   30 October 2018: Stop seeing this guy. You know he is no good. So why are you letting him back into your life. Tell him it’s over. Tell him you don’t want to be his friend or any other such post break up nonsense then remove him from your life. Block his phone numb... (read in full...)

I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...

A.   18 October 2018: No and no. You didn’t cheat on him and no you shouldn’t tell him. There is no upside to telling him. But going out and kissing men to make yourself feel better or to somehow get back at your BF is not really a sign of emotional maturity. ... (read in full...)

I believe my husband has sick fantasies about my daughter. She trusts him. What should I do?

Q.   I found a spare phone in my husband's truck and saved to his favorites was "Stepdaughter fucks step dad".. I have a beautiful 18 year old daughter that lives with us . I'm leaving him because to me, that is unacceptable and I will never look at him ...

A.   18 October 2018: All you can do is tell her and show her what you found. But she is 18 and an adult and entitled to make her own decisions. Even a bad one.... (read in full...)

Should I be upset that my FWB partner is having sex with others and lied about it

Q.   I have been having sex with a friend but he said he having been with anyone else but I caught him with another woman should I be angry or not because we are not dating? please help me because im mad as hell....

A.   17 October 2018: You’re not his girlfriend friend. The way I understand these FWB things is that they allow the participants unencumberec no strings sex. How can you be angry at him for giving you what you want?... (read in full...)

Should I give my ex money back for a trip that he won't be taking with my family?

Q.   Hey guys. Since my last post I've taken your advice and no longer visit my exs social media accounts. I am actually in the process of moving on and have even met someone else :) I'm just writing because it's coming to the time where I sign ...

A.   17 October 2018: Yes it would be unreasonable for your family to keep the money. He paid it with the expectation that he would be joining his GF and her family on vacation. Your ending the relationship has deprived him of that. Unless you expect him to join you on ... (read in full...)

I'm willing to leave my husband but my married lover isn't saying anything about leaving his wife

Q.   Iv been having an affair for a couple of years now and decided to end my marriage. I'm living with a friend but my married lover is still staying put. I said it was my problem about leaving my husband but he said he was still worried for me. He ...

A.   14 October 2018: Why should he leave his wife; because you left your marriage? Why would he do something that stupid? He gets his wife and his comfortable life and he no longer has to share his side piece with another man. Your leaving your husband was a win/win ... (read in full...)

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