New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login238722 questions, 1053753 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

*illy Bathgate

United States  (Male   XML/RSS

Like what he writes?
... Add *illy Bathgate to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *illy Bathgate a private message

*illy Bathgate's Ratings

Rating: 7.52

123456789Next > [9 pages, 326 answers]

She's left me twice does she deserve my respect? Or do I just be her friend like nothing ever happened?

Q.   Hello ladies, got a question for you, I was seeing this woman, she left me for another guy, OK, five years later we started to see each other again, she did it again, with a friend in a band, now he dumped her and she is trying to talk to me, am I ...

A.   11 December 2017: Have you no self respect? This woman has dumped you twice and you need to ask strangers what you should do? For the love of heaven you’re an adult not some love sick tween. Act like it.... (read in full...)

How do I deal with his ex and his family during Christmas?

Q.   I have met the most wonderful guy ever. I have totally fallen for him after years of rubbish relationships and I love him wholeheartedly. He has a young daughter with his ex and he never gets to see her despite trying over and over to be civil wi...

A.   10 December 2017: He needs to see a lawyer about an enforceable visitation schedule. This will solve that problem. ... (read in full...)

A practical joke gone horribly wrong

Q.   My friend Bailey and I played a joke on our friend Eve just to embarrass her and teach her a lesson but Bailey took it too far and now Eve got suspended and her parents punished her real bad. She's not aloud to talk to us or anyone or go anywhere ...

A.   10 December 2017: . Eve’s parents are asses and the administration are your school are morons. But compared to you and the other girl they are saints. ... (read in full...)

I'm unhappily married but in love with a man who's engaged but hesitant to leave his fiance

Q.   Please could I ask for some advice on my situation... I have been married for 3 years but for the last year the marriage has been very difficult and we both feel that we have grown too far apart to fix things, although haven’t yet said we will div...

A.   8 December 2017: Get a divorce before you jump into bed with another man. After you are divorced make sure the other guy is free of entanglements before jumping into bed with him.... (read in full...)

Should I get her approval that I attend a fetish party?

Q.   Im a closeted crossdreser, I'm totally straight, No bi tendencies. I have a long term wonderful girlfriend. I'm loyal to her, She knows about my crossdressing habit and she is cool with it as long as she doesn't see me dressed up. Never. This c...

A.   8 December 2017: Do not ask her approval. But tell her you’re going. If she objects listen to her objections and then tell her you’re going. Cross dressing is part of who you are and you shouldn’t have to ask anyone’s permission to express part of yourself... (read in full...)

I want her back but she doesn't want a relationship. How can she just walk away?

Q.   So, there was this girl I met two years ago and I am in love with her (we dated and were pretty serious) . I am in the military and I was stationed in Alaska.( Where I met her, I am originally from Florida). But I hurt her and she well I left ...

A.   7 December 2017: She can walk away because she is not into you, she doesn’t love you , she doesn’t see a future with you. You failed her. What can you do? You can be a man for once and leave this poor woman alone.... (read in full...)

My husband is having an affair with a woman half his age and lies about it!

Q.   Married 19 years my husband 54 is having an affair with a girl who is 27 he sits with her in different areas of the city and goes to her house when we go to church he knows that I know and continues to lie about everything what should I do?...

A.   7 December 2017: See a good divorce lawyer... (read in full...)

Do I stay with boyfriend or leave and hope something will happen with this other man?

Q.   Hi everyone Looking for some advice. Im 32 years old and when I was 18 I met a lad (lets call him A) through a group of friends. I had just recently entered a relationship and A also had a girlfriend who he had been with a few years. There was...

A.   5 December 2017: You should break up with your boyfriend and go be with A. You’re unhappy in your relationship and obviously do not love your boyfriend so why stay with him. I’m sure A is just waiting for you but doesn’t want to do anything while your BF is in the ... (read in full...)

I broke it off. Was I right? How do I move on?

Q.   I was with her for 1 year. Everything was going great until 3-4 months in we started having problems. We both made mistakes and we’ve been on and off many times. We somehow managed to move past all of that and we fell in love. It’s then when we got ...

A.   5 December 2017: Every relationship comes to an end until you come to the one that doesn’t. This one came to an end there is no shame in that and there should be no regret. Stop looking back and start looking forward.... (read in full...)

My ex's actions make me feel like I was never worth fighting for

Q.   Hi guys, So this is an ongoing problem with my ex bf that has left me feeling confused, angry, resentful, but mostly hurt, and I need advice on how to deal with the situation. So earlier this year, I posted on this website about whether or no...

A.   5 December 2017: When you broke up with him he lost his meal ticket and he wants it back. Tell him in clear plain language that it is over. You no longer want him contacting you or coming to your place of employment. Block his phone number and block him on soci... (read in full...)

My ex isn't apologetic about his behavior and its starting to turn me off

Q.   I broke things off with him because he kept gaslighting me. Anytime I wanted to talk to him about something he’d call me a drama queen, sensitive, emotional. I got so drained trying to salvage things. The last straw was when he told me to shut up as ...

A.   5 December 2017: He’s an immature adolescent. If you don’t like his attitude block him. He’s no longer your boyfriend so there is no reason to be in contact with him if you don’t want to be.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's mother isn't accepting of my children and myself

Q.   i met my boyfriend 6yrs ago I have 2 children from previous relationship and left their father due to domestic violence. We are happy and since meeting my boyfriend we have so much in common and my children love him like a dad. We met his mum and ...

A.   3 December 2017: If your boyfriend isn’t standing up for you and your children it is time to get a new boyfriend. Sorry to be so blunt but that’s how it is.... (read in full...)

Bereavement has hit our relationship

Q.   My partner's ex girlfriend killed herself 6 weeks ago, he took his pain + grief out on me. We have been together 6 years + 3 children. I don't see a way back. He is sleeping on the sofa since. Is it time to walk away. ...

A.   2 December 2017: He took his grief out on you? What the hell does that mean? Did he yell at you? Did he push you away and tell you he didn’t want to talk about it? Did he hit you? If it’s the latter then yea the relationship might be over, no it should be over. If ... (read in full...)

The boyfriend and the friend who doesn't know we're together: I want to be put first for once

Q.   One of my boyfriends friends and I don't get along because of things that happened in the past between us, so we mutually agreed not to speak to one another. My boyfriend tells me that he likes the guy, but they aren't that close. I don't mind them ...

A.   1 December 2017: This guy is not your boyfriend he is a guy who is using you. Dump his ass and find a guy who cares about you and respects you.... (read in full...)

My husband's brother has a super weird obsession with me and tries to sabotage my relationship with his little brother!!

Q.   My husband's brother has a super weird obsession with me and tries to sabotage my relationship with his little brother!! Has anyone experienced this? What can I do to get him to back off? The worst of it is that he has stolen my husband's username ...

A.   28 November 2017: If Your husband isn’t man enough to stand up to his older brother I don’t see that your marriage has much hope. But here is the first thing you need to do. STOP GOING TO THIS POS FOR ANY ADVICE! But your husband seems to be more interested in keepi... (read in full...)

How do we choose which couple to ask To join us on the cruise?

Q.   My husband and I used to be very close with 2 other couples. It was always the 6 of us doing stuff together. We never made plans without including both coupled and vice versa. Well the 2 couples had a very serious falling out and are no longer ...

A.   27 November 2017: Why do you need either couple. Go by yourselves and enjoy. Or if you and your husband can’t be alone invite another couple.... (read in full...)

I thought I could taste latex condom on my husband while giving him oral, he says I'm crazy but I'm ready to file for divorce

Q.   My husband asked me to give him oral sex. He had just taken a shower. We’re about to have sex, I go down on him and I put his penis in my mouth. I tasted the strangest taste of condom. I was in disbelief. I pulled away saying to myself I’m. Crazy. ...

A.   27 November 2017: If you’re looking for a divorce you don’t need a reason but this excuse is as good an excuse as any. Clearly the marriage is broken and neither you or your husband appear interested in fixing it. So stop any financial transactions see a lawyer and ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my son that his girlfriend is cheating on him?

Q.   My sons girlfriend is cheating on him??? Both she and my son are 25 and have been together for just over 9 years. I received an e-mail from someone who has sent me evidence that she has been cheating on him for the past 5 years with his BFF. I ...

A.   26 November 2017: You chose this woman over your son. You had better pray he never finds out what you’ve done ... (read in full...)

I'm obsessed with my co-worker and I know not what to do

Q.   I am crushing really badly on my co worker, I cannot stop thinking about her. She is not interested in me but my feelings won't go away and I fear its turning into an obsession. I do not know what I must do, I have tried to avoid her but this makes ...

A.   24 November 2017: Your obsession is going to cost you your job and possibly more. If you can’t stop thinking about her and from what I read it is clear you can’t it may be time to seek employment elsewhere. Leave while you have your dignity and your reputation inta... (read in full...)

He believes lies people say about me!

Q.   I've been with my bf for 6 months now , a few weeks in to our relationship we were having a nice day out when some girl accused me of being a prostitute and since then people have said horrible stuff about me when my bf has been with me and despite ...

A.   23 November 2017: DTMFA. That means Dump The Mother F**ker Already. Some random girl accused you of being a prostitute and he has chosen to believe her over you. What do you have to gain by being with someone like that? So I say again DTMFA and do it now.... (read in full...)

I asked my co-worker out but she said she would think about it. How long before I ask her again?

Q.   Ok so I asked a girl I work with out to have dinner with me. We have been working together for around 6--8 months. I know her pretty well, but not really well, but in the end I just thought "who cares, go for it". So I asked her and she said it ...

A.   23 November 2017: Don’t ask her again and don’t date coworkers.... (read in full...)

What can I do to show I'm working not cheating?

Q.   My husband thinks I'm cheating. Why? Because I spend a lot of time on my phone. I'm too lazy to use my clunky slow PC to write my novel, so I'm doing the whole thing on the Notes app. I'm also unemployed (6 months, still job hunting), so I stay up ...

A.   23 November 2017: If your husband has smashed four of your phones the only question you should be asking is why are you with a jealous violent jerk. This is abuse plain and simple. For now he is smashing phones soon if you don’t give in to his demands he’ll be smas... (read in full...)

My world has come crashing down because my wife just told me that the daughter we've been raising is not mine but from her affair after the marriage!

Q.   My wife and i have been married for 3 years, 6 months ago she told me something that rocked my core. the daughter i have been raising is not mine. she had an affair 2 years ago. the reason she cheated was that she was a virgin when we got married ...

A.   22 November 2017: If you think a revenge affair will make you feel whole again or restore your pride go for it. The people telling you not to have never been in your position. But remember this; revenge is a dish best served cold.... (read in full...)

I feel that my boyfriend's ex wife was living my dream life and I'll never match up to her

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am off for the next week due to holidays and as my boyfriend is working, I offered to work on clearing out his storage. Now he has an ex wife of 10 years(divorced in 2009) and I brought home a ton of boxes that were never unpacked. ...

A.   21 November 2017: If their life was a dream life they wouldn’t be divorced. If you’re getting drunk over a woman your husband divorced almost a decade ago you need more help than anyone here can provide. You need to talk to your husband first then you need to find... (read in full...)

I'm like a weekend hobby for my boyfriend while his sister and nephew are his real family

Q.   I have been dating a guy in a long distance relationship for 2 years. He lives 50 miles away and I only see him at weekends. In the week he lives with his widowed sister and works with her son to help him out as he is retired. The other week for the ...

A.   21 November 2017: Dump him although you really can’t dump someone you’re not in a real relationship with and you aren’t but you get the idea. Then find a man who is actually in your life and into you.... (read in full...)

I'm married but starting to get obsessed with the guy my husband and I had a threesome with

Q.   Over a year ago my husband and i had a sexual threesome with a single male friend of ours after a night of drinking...this was totally my husbands idea..I was always attracted to this friend but had no intentions of taking it any furthur, even ...

A.   21 November 2017: Dump your idiot husband and be with the guy you want to be with. ... (read in full...)

He's taken my wife. Should I be worried?

Q.   my wife an I have been married for 3 years. however things have been interesting for last 18 months. we have a neighbour Raymond who is divorced for a long time and is 44. he has two girls about 8 and 12. me and my wife are both 28. however 18 ...

A.   21 November 2017: Assuming this letter is true you already gave your wife to him. Let them be together then you can go be with whatever woman you like. Marriage means nothing to you anyway so what is the difference if he “steals” her.... (read in full...)

My world has come crashing down because my wife just told me that the daughter we've been raising is not mine but from her affair after the marriage!

Q.   My wife and i have been married for 3 years, 6 months ago she told me something that rocked my core. the daughter i have been raising is not mine. she had an affair 2 years ago. the reason she cheated was that she was a virgin when we got married ...

A.   20 November 2017: If you want to save your marriage you’ll need professional counseling no one here can help you no matter how well meaning and sincere they are. If you don’t want to save the marriage and I have to wonder why you would want to save a marriage with ... (read in full...)

Was it inappropriate for my wife to wear the revealing dress just to get back at me?

Q.   A short time ago me and my wife had an argument just before we were going out to meet friends for some dinner and drinks. She wasn't quite ready, so she said she would meet up with us later. So I went and met with our friends. She came in about a ...

A.   20 November 2017: If that’s what she did It’s pretty immature and disrespectful of you and your marriage but if you want to get back at her act as if it doesn’t bother you as a matter of fact laugh about it. Or you could look at it the other way she wore the dres... (read in full...)

I have been having an affair with a woman for 7 years and I am content. Is this strange?

Q.   I have been the male equivalent of a mistress for the past 7 years. Is it strange that I don't mind? I havent dated or even tried to date because I am just fine with having her a few times a month. I am 42 years old and never been married, but I ...

A.   20 November 2017: If you’re happy what’s the problem. Seems to me if you were truly content you wouldn’t be writing to a bunch of strangers asking advice.... (read in full...)

I am getting weird vibes from my girlfriend in regards to her friend but I don't want to tell her to stop talking to her friend

Q.   So my girlfriend had this mate that they've meet on tinder. She calls my girlfriend everyday and texts her. Practically any social media she can contact my gf. Just a couple of days ago my gf said that they've kissed. I've meet the friend and all I ...

A.   20 November 2017: Your GF met a girl on a hookup site. Now they are in touch all the time and they have kissed. And you’re getting a weird vibe? The weird vibe you’re getting is the sexual attraction between your girlfriend and her girlfriend. You can be an adult ... (read in full...)

Why does this person not stop harrassing me?

Q.   Why would someone who you have told them no and they know you don't want to do the unreasonable request they asked you keep pressuring you and pressuring you to try and do what they want. You have even blocked their calls and they still phone yo...

A.   19 November 2017: Start keeping track of the harassing calls etc. Go to your local police station and file a complaint then get an order of protection against this person. ... (read in full...)

I'm disappointed he saw a new movie with his brother instead of me

Q.   So my bf had a family funeral to attend this weekend. It is out of town far away. After the funeral he was bored so decided to go to see a movie that we planned to go see next week together. All he texted me was 'I think I am going to go see the ...

A.   19 November 2017: It says you’re a late 20 something. But this letter reads like it was written by someone in middle school. You need to grow up before you end up pushing this guy away. ... (read in full...)

I sent him a nude, I hope he hasn't lost respect for me.

Q.   I posted a while ago saying i had a met a man with quite an usual job- he's a travel author (fairly successful). He is 35 years old, is in the public eye quite a lot and has a lot of female attention. I went on 2 dates with him back in june but then ...

A.   19 November 2017: Why would a man respect a woman who sent a nude photo of herself o a stranger? In the age of the internet and revenge porn I can think of nothing dumber than emailing a nude pick to anyone but especially a stranger. Of course he wants to get betw... (read in full...)

Where do you go to meet momen?

Q.   I still don't get where a guy is supposed to try and meet single women. Why is it so hard at my age? Everyone says that gym is a bad idea.. the bar is a bad idea, workplace is off limits, etc. You can't approach a woman at the park because you will ...

A.   18 November 2017: Church, volunteer at a charity, take a group dance class at a large dance studio that has singles events. Match dot com. ... (read in full...)

Mr Nice Guy is perfect for me but why do I feel something is missing?

Q.   I have a history of dating unavailable, cheating, lying, game playing men. In fact when I look back I've only ever had one healthy relationship that I ended up pushing away with my own actions. This guy is amazing! I am insanely attracted to him...

A.   18 November 2017: I think you should stop seeing this guy because you’re just going to end up hurting him. You’ll either wait until he is deeply committed to you then you’ll dump him or you’ll stay with him and cheat on. Save him some pain and yourself some time... (read in full...)

Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?

Q.   I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...

A.   16 November 2017: What will you gain by continuing this relationship. Make up to break is no way to go through life. Don’t ignore her, call her to tell her goodbye and mean it. Then spend your time and energy finding a partner you are actually compatible with.... (read in full...)

Would it be lame to send him a thank you card for the interview experience?

Q.   Ok lame idea or not? I posted before about the fact I completed my masters degree in creative writing recently, and I choked whilst writing my final project. As I suspected, my grade for that project was terrible and while I still passed, I’ve bee...

A.   16 November 2017: A card is not appropriate but a follow up letter is. Thank the interviewer for taking time to interview you. And make one final pitch for why you think you are right for he job.... (read in full...)

Can I help him explore other health options? It's urgent.

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles, I don't know how to tell my husband that the therapy he's been taking for the past year is not working and that he's been experiencing a lot of bad side-effects. Now, before you wonder, why I should be the one to tell him ...

A.   16 November 2017: You’re his wife. If you can’t tell him who can? Who will? If you love him sit him down and tell him your concerns. What are you waiting for him to figure it out on his own?... (read in full...)

How can a wife cheat for 3 years and act like everything is ok?

Q.   After I found out that my wife was having a three year affair with another man, I gave her an ultimatum and she ended it....she eventually told me that she made a big mistake, and didnt know what she was thinking the past three years...I found out ...

A.   10 November 2017: She is selfish and immoral. And you, well you are still with a woman who would betray you and your marriage without a second thought. Just a question. Are you sure it has ended? Good luck you’ll need it.... (read in full...)

*illy Bathgate's friends

These are mutual friends, so *illy Bathgate has added them and they have added *illy Bathgate!

Abella agony auntAbella
Bearinhk1981 agony auntBearinhk1981
tatersgal agony aunttatersgal

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft