New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login239596 questions, 1059233 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

*illy Bathgate

United States  (Male   XML/RSS

Like what he writes?
... Add *illy Bathgate to your favourite agony aunts

Want to get in touch?
... Send *illy Bathgate a private message

*illy Bathgate's Ratings

Rating: 7.6

1234567891011Next > [12 pages, 438 answers]

My girlfriend left, I want to fix it but she is ignoring me.

Q.   My girlfriend of 12 years has just left me. For the last 4 years we've lived together in our own place after a spell living with her family, we moved in shortly after my father passed away. I really struggled to deal with my father's passing...

A.   16 April 2018: You’re a violent bully. I’m glad she had the strength and courage to leave before you actually physically harmed her and you would have eventually. Leave her and her family alone.... (read in full...)

I'm having an affair wih my fiance's best friend.

Q.   I’m engaged due to be married September, I’ve started having an affair with one of his best friends. Now I don’t know whether I love his best friend. He’s asked me to not get married. My fiancé is a good man great father and stable. His frien...

A.   12 April 2018: You’re engaged to a man you don’t love. Call off the wedding.... (read in full...)

My ex has said he would never marry me, but I want him back!

Q.   Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?. I dated him for a year and a half from 2015 until 2017. Then I left him for another man that we both know, who I was in a relationship with for nearly a year ( he broke up with me three months ago). My ...

A.   10 April 2018: The other guy left you and now you want back with the guy you left. Until someone better comes along?... (read in full...)

How to deal with the pain of family estrangement?

Q.   I was estranged from my abusive BPD mother for eighteen years, because I could no longer take her abuse. My brother, who likely also suffered from BPD, saw this as a personal rejection and wanted nothing else to do with me. He threatened me with ...

A.   6 April 2018: My suggestion is you forget these people and build a life for yourself while it is not too late. Your brother’s children are behaving toward you as they were taught to behave by their father. And your mother will not change. You say you are all your... (read in full...)

Is he telling the truth about the state of his marriage?

Q.   I’m seeing a married man for a number of years. I am in no rush to spending my whole life with but I do love him, he says he is in a sexless marriage, that his wife has no sex drive yet iv seen photos of them with her arm around him yet he doesn’t ...

A.   5 April 2018: The loveless sexless marriage is the cheaters best weapon. Can’t believe at your age you’re still falling for it.... (read in full...)

My husband is disappointed because I didn't tell him about a job interview

Q.   Hi guys I feel really terrible about lying to my husband about a recent job interview I had. Two weeks ago I applied for a job (he knew I had been looking) and got called for the interview and thankfully got it. However I didn't tell my husband ...

A.   5 April 2018: This is very bizarre. You apologized and explained the reasons for not telling him. His reaction seems out of proportion to the issue. Actually it is very out of proportion. It borders on emotionally abusive and controlling. You had no maliciou... (read in full...)

Why would his parents ask me these odd questions?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a year now but some comments made by his parents are worrying me. We went out the other week and we came back. He was drunk but I didn't drink. He decided to make a sandwich but sliced his thumb open. I cleaned ...

A.   29 March 2018: When a man’s parents warn you off that man you should listen. Obviously he has done something in the past to warrant their concern don’t ignore them.... (read in full...)

I think she has betrayed my loyalty and trust!

Q.   I have a partner of 4+ years. We are 1,200 miles apart. I plan to join her in 6 months. She has vociferously prioritized loyalty and trustworthiness. I have been 100% loyal since we parted 5 months ago. Well, she went out with some girlfriends ...

A.   29 March 2018: I think you would be doing both of you a favor if you stay right where you are. You’re probably not getting the whole truth here. The thing is why did she feel she had to lie about going dancing with friends? And the wine in the hotel bar story does ... (read in full...)

Am I right to not trust him? Can a marriage survive on no trust?

Q.   I've been married for 12 years, have 2 beauitful children. Recently found out that a woman my husband works with has a crush on him. They've worked together for 18 months but I was led to believe that they just worked for the same company, in...

A.   28 March 2018: In 18 months of lunches and walks to the bus family life never came up? If you believe that I have a bridge in San Francisco for sale you may be interested in. But seriously where there is no trust Ithere cannot be a healthy relationship. You can ... (read in full...)

My FWB wants a break and I don't know why.

Q.   Hi, my friends with benefits recently told me he needs a break. Apparently he's mad at me because I called when his soon to be wife showed up at his house to discuss the divorce. I did't know she was there. We talk every day. We lived together...

A.   22 March 2018: Ask him. But keep in mind if you agreed to be a f*ck buddy he may feel he doesn’t owe you an explanation.... (read in full...)

I wish I could find a big "jock" guy to treat me as this man does.

Q.   Hi, am a 59 year old single woman, been dating this guy for five months, but am very busy, he wants more, but I don't have the time, we have fun one night a week, I haven't introduced him to family or friends, he comes on real strong,you know, ...

A.   19 March 2018: Why are you wasting this poor guys time? He is clearly not the type of man you want. You need a jock and he needs an honest woman who appreciates what he has to offer. Stop seeing him and let him get on with his life. ... (read in full...)

He has broken my trust and lied to me so many times and I love him to bits!

Q.   My partner and i have been together for 2 years in April i am pregnant with his child but he constantly checks out other women i have looked on his phone history and he has been on porn sites i confronted him about it he swears blind he didn't do ...

A.   17 March 2018: You know what this guy is and you got pregnant by him. You have told him how you feel, I assume more than once and he has dismissed you. You have two choices, break up with him or accept him for what he is and live with his roving eye and probable ... (read in full...)

After two and a half years she tells me she never loved me!

Q.   The other day I got into a fight with my gf of 2 and a half years. She had been acting distant for a day or so and I finally asked what was up. I called her and asked if something was wrong. She began telling me she just didn't think she wanted a ...

A.   16 March 2018: She has done you a favor. I’ve known a few people who had this happen to them after they were married and had scrambled their DNA. a coworker of mine had it happen a few weeks before her wedding. I know that’s not much comfort but it could have been ... (read in full...)

She says her married boyfriend will get jealous if we have sex.

Q.   I met this girl, after speaking for weeks, we met for casual sex. It was great and she seemed to be enjoying it. We were probably busy for 2-3 hours. She even asked me to whip her, first time for me but she enjoyed it. She was good and was eager to ...

A.   10 March 2018: There are 3.5 billion women on this planet. Thirty three million are in the UK I’m sure plenty of them are single. Why would you waste anymore time and effort on one that would: sleep with a married man and then worry about him being jealous of her ... (read in full...)

Is something wrong with me that I’m aroused by evidence of my wife’s cheating?

Q.   I found out that my wife reconnected with a former boyfriend after 28 years via email. They were exchanging email and vivid sexual chats. When I confronted her, she said that it was just imagination and nothing. Although she apologised, she refuses ...

A.   10 March 2018: You have a cuckold fetish. Many men have it. I don’t understand it but it works for some men. What you should be concerned about is your wife professing love for another man. Your marriage could be in serious trouble. If your wife won’t disc... (read in full...)

What is the best way to end my obsession with my co-worker?

Q.   Hello, I am a happily a married woman with a 4yr old daughter and an awesome husband. With that said I want nothing more than to have crazy (50 shades of grey) sex with my coworker who is also married with 3 kids and one on the way. It started ...

A.   10 March 2018: Sleep with the guy and get it out of your system. Then you can stop cheating on your husband because that is what you’re doing. ... (read in full...)

How should I reply to his text?

Q.   Hi Thank you for reading. I dated a guy for 7 months last year. He dumped me in late December, saying that he felt that our relationship wasn’t moving forward as quickly as he wanted. He wanted me to move in with him and I didn’t feel ready...

A.   5 March 2018: Ignore the text and block his number. You owe this guy nothing. He contacted you for one of two reasons: to worm his way back into your life or to assuage his conscience. Don’t let him back into your life and don’t give him any kind of absolution. ... (read in full...)

My wife won't allow me to choose our son's name, constantly undermines me and hates me

Q.   My wife is 33 weeks pregnant with our first son. Today she started to fight with me. I had chosen a name for our child. She didn't even pay attention. I picked her up from the church today and she announced that she wants our son to be named by...

A.   26 February 2018: Don’t have anymore children with this woman. From what I read I cannot imagine what made you think having this one with her was a good idea. Your best bet would be to divorce this woman and if you ever do marry again find someone you love who love... (read in full...)

Why does a cheater cheat and then beg his gf or wife not to leave him if she finds out?

Q.   Why does a cheater cheat on a woman he loves and then if she finds out, begs her not to leave him? Why would he even commit the worst relationship sin of all if he loved her? Seemingly he did not care enough about her not to hurt her. So, if ...

A.   24 February 2018: Cheaters cheat for a number of reasons but for the most part it comes down to ego and opportunity. Why do they ask their spouse to forgive them? They may genuinely love their spouse and don’t want to lose them despite their actions so they seek ... (read in full...)

Am I fooling myself that we can hold this relationship together long term? Anyone else experience this type of situation?

Q.   30 years ago I was dating a guy who was a male version of me. Stubborn. Determined. Intense. He was my first love and I’d never loved anyone so deeply. I have never been a jealous person but I wanted him all to myself. We’d argue because he hated...

A.   24 February 2018: It sounds like you two deserve one another. So what is the problem? If everything is so perfect why are you writing here looking for validation for your betrayal of your spouse?... (read in full...)

Why would a woman agree to be a married man's side chicK?

Q.   Why would a woman agree to be a man's side chick, knowing that he has a girlfriend / wife? She knows that he can't spend major holidays with her, no birthday celebrations, no introduction to his family or friends. He can only talk to her and be w...

A.   24 February 2018: My guess is lack of self worth. She thinks this is the best she can do so it is what she is willing to put up with it. And it just feeds on itself. Which is why some women stay in these terrible relationships for years.... (read in full...)

I kicked my partner out of my house because of his hurtful comments. Advice?

Q.   Yesterday I kicked my partner out of my home. He is 60 years old and has been a very high level banker in the past. We had a minor tiff when I confronted him (gently) by telling him I was hurt by a comment he made. I had shown him a mortgag...

A.   21 February 2018: What advice do you need? You rid yourself of an emotionally abusive gaslighter. You need us to tell you not to let him back in your life? OK don’t let him back in your life. You signed your question Alone Again. I figure it’s better being alon... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and my boyfriend talks trash to me. Should I tell him that it hurts me?

Q.   I am pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. It was an accident. He wanted me to get pregnant tho. He was a player for a long time. He calls me names like whore, skank and bitch. He tells me to just deal with it. It's usually in bed but sometimes ...

A.   21 February 2018: This guy at a minimum dislikes you and certainly has no respect for you. Of course it’s clear you have no respect for yourself otherwise you wouldn’t be with this loser. By the way he is still playing you. ... (read in full...)

What should I expect about finances, personal space and housework when we start living together?

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm gonna move in with my bf in couple.of months, we have been together for almost 2.5 years. I always lived alone or with my parents. So i'm not sure what to expect when we start living together like finances, personal space, house wor...

A.   21 February 2018: All of this is stuff that you need to be clear on before you move in. You say you will be paying him a small amount of rent. Does that cover your part of utilities? If not how much are you expected to pay? Are your salaries roughly equal? If so ... (read in full...)

I want to be his girlfriend..not his FWB

Q.   Am in a fwb situation..we are monogamous with each other..he tells me he loves me..I tell him that too.. But he says he does not want a girlfriend..he did take me out on valentines day..but next morning referred to me as his fuck buddy...I hate t...

A.   19 February 2018: Stop being his FB. And tell him why. He’ll either say he wants to be your BF or he won’t. You can then go find a guy who wants you for more than what is between your legs.... (read in full...)

I treated her good but she ghosted me, I still want her back.

Q.   Asking for advice,over a year ago, my ex girlfriend ghost me, no contact since, she didn't even say goodbye,I didn't do anything wrong, but treat her special,what I am asking is ,would it be stupid, in my part to try to contact her,I know every one ...

A.   15 February 2018: Leave her alone. She wants nothing to do with you. That should tell you what she thinks of you and your relationship. It is well past time for you to move on.... (read in full...)

My wife seems to have lost interest in sex but I suspects she masturbates

Q.   I'm a male 58,my wife is 58.we always had a good sex life but,now,she never ask me to give her an orgasam.she doesn't want me to kiss her much,very little breast touching.very little vagina touching. she acts like she doesn't care no more but will...

A.   12 February 2018: You can have an open honest talk with your wife. Ask her why she has gone off sex with you. If she can’t give you a straight answer you may need to make a decision about where your marriage is headed.... (read in full...)

What is considered cheating in an open relationship?

Q.   My wife and I agreed to be in an open relationship. We were both very into the idea for years. During sex, she haexpressed interest in a mutual male friend. Several months later I was suspecting that they were fooling around but she never mentione...

A.   12 February 2018: She’s lying to you and he is lying to his wife are having sex. Of course it’s an affair and cheating. I’m just stunned that a thirty something year old man can’t see that for himself.... (read in full...)

We went a month without sex and now I realize I don't want it anymore. How do I tell my boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and everything has been going well, until last month. We've been discussing a lot of changes in our relationship, where we want to live, what the plan is for the next few months etc. Anyway, we had a ...

A.   11 February 2018: My guess is that the one month sex break has more to do with your relationship with your boyfriend than with sex. Be honest do you really want to be with this guy? Probably not. Your hanging on for the security and you fear being alone and star... (read in full...)

I'm happy talking to this guy even though I'm married

Q.   Hello all, I am 32 years old and been married since I was 23, I have 3 daughters now, my husband is a really good person and i loved him so much but he has cheated on me three years ago. i forgave him and this year while i was pregnant he was in a...

A.   11 February 2018: You are in an emotional affair. You are expending energy on this relationship that should be going to your marriage. And you are giving the other guy the false impression that you are available. So you’re cheating both men. I don’t think you have... (read in full...)

My girlfriend wants a break, what chance is there for us?

Q.   So my girlfriend said she needs space to work out what she wants. Now I know that this isn’t a good thing but is it necessarily a bad thing? Obviously I have agreed to give her space for one week. Two points though do I text her at all to make sure ...

A.   11 February 2018: There is no such thing as a break. Your girlfriend broke up with you she just doesn’t have the guts to tell you straight out. You have two choices, you can sit around waiting for this break to be over hoping for a call or text that will never come... (read in full...)

I have a boyfriend but I'm still in love with my ex

Q.   Hiya do you believe that’s there’s a one in life I met this man 5 years ago and I’ve never felt that way about anyone before we split up due to not having enough time for each other and I was gutted for months we decided not to speak as it would ...

A.   11 February 2018: Breakup with your boyfriend, he deserves to be with someone who is there for him not someone holding a torch for another man. Once you have done that go back to your ex. Perhaps the two of you can make a go of it. And there is no The One for ever... (read in full...)

I'm tired of my sister, her obsession at finding a partner and the fact that she's constantly blaming me for her woes

Q.   My sister is angry with me and is using emotional blackmail, or at least try to make me feel guilty. Ever since we were kids she was obsessed with finding a bf and later on a husband. Sadly, even though she was always focused on this part of ...

A.   11 February 2018: Find yourself a counselor who can teach you about setting boundaries. Your sister is never going to stop you need to learn to stand up for you.... (read in full...)

My Mum is saying we shouldn't go to my brother's wedding due to a misunderstanding over outfits.

Q.   Hi Agony people. Need a bit of help here. My brother is due to get married during the summer. The bride's mum bought her outfit a few weeks ago. The groom's mum bought her last week in the same shop. Both outfits are completely different. The groom ...

A.   7 February 2018: Why would you not go to your brothers wedding over something this childish? If you want to alienate your brother and his new wife and any children they may have later then don’t go If on the other hand you want to behave like an adult who has a mind... (read in full...)

He thinks I am sick and twisted when I ask about hi past, we have no interesting conversation, its just boring.

Q.   Hi ,I have been dating this guy for 4 wks seeing him 2-3 times a wk .. meals out , walks in park etc but I feel bored already because he has told me not to ask about the past and he never asks me anything so our conversation is pretty standard ...

A.   7 February 2018: Why are you still seeing this guy? Is your self esteem so low that you’re willing to put up with this for a few walks in the park? This guy has problems I don’t know what they are you don’t know what they are but they seem severe. If you stick ... (read in full...)

Did I upset her?

Q.   A girl and me met at a friends place and crashing at thiers, we were getting along and she decided to go to bed after they had been out all night. They had to wake up one of the children for her to sleep in a seperate room. There were 2 couches ...

A.   6 February 2018: Upset her how? She wasn’t upset as far as you can tell but you think you did something wrong that didn’t upset her?... (read in full...)

I don’t really want to go on this vacation with my dad and his girlfriend!

Q.   Dear Cupid. I am 24 and need some advice... I’m due to go on a trip in june, with my dad and his have been paid for and now I’m not really wanting to go...I’ll be stuck on a yacht for 10 days, their friends are going bu...

A.   5 February 2018: Your mother’s alcoholism has nothing to do with your dad’s infidelity. It may make you and your mother feel better to blame him but that is not how alcoholism works. If you don’t want to go on vacation with your father don’t go. You obviousl... (read in full...)

He’s blocked me on everything, do I wait to see if he comes back or do I move on?

Q.   Hi guys I need your advise. Me and my ex have broken up. A few months ago Due to arguing. But we are still meeting up nearly every week. He kept accusing me of cheating which I would never. He never likes me going out because guys would approach me ...

A.   3 February 2018: Stop wasting your time and move on.... (read in full...)

Whats with my husband saying the things he says to me?

Q.   I don’t understand why my husband says things that he says example : I tell him I’m running to the store after giving me that yeah right look he says ok. I’m gone 30 min and he texts stuff like. Having fun or what are you killing the cow. Or I kn...

A.   2 February 2018: Your husband is controlling and insecure. What he is doing is conditioning you to respond to his commands. He text you at the store so you hurry home. When you get home he gives you the silent treatment until the next day. This will go on until he ... (read in full...)

Three dates in and she does't want to kiss!

Q.   So I met a girl through Tinder and we went out for dinner. I'm 30 and she's 27. We hit it off really well. We talked for nearly 4 hours. She had a pretty bad cough though, and I didn't attempt any sort of physical contact except a brief touch of the ...

A.   30 January 2018: Of course she’s stringing you along! You’re 30 years old and still allowing yourself to be conned by a pretty face. Grow the heck up and swipe this broad out of your life.... (read in full...)

*illy Bathgate's friends

These are mutual friends, so *illy Bathgate has added them and they have added *illy Bathgate!

Abella agony auntAbella
Bearinhk1981 agony auntBearinhk1981
tatersgal agony aunttatersgal

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft