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*illy Bathgate

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I'm married he's married why can't I just walk away?

Q.   I am married and have been with a married man for 4 and a half years. He has continually asked me to marry him, sent me houses online and tells me that we are ‘one’ and meant to be . I have asked him to leave and be with me and he says he is not ...

A.   11 July 2018: ...or am I just another fool? You already know the answer to that one. He has you on a string. He dangles pictures of houses in front of you and makes promises of your being together, promises he will never keep. Unless his wife catches him and ... (read in full...)

What would you do in my situation? Travel first or settle down now, travel in retirement?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a man for a year. I'm pretty happy with this guy. We've had ups and downs, but overall things are good between us. We love each other. We have a holiday booked together and are planning to move in together. Howeve...

A.   11 July 2018: No one is guaranteed tomorrow. Do the things you want to and can do now. ... (read in full...)

I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!

Q.   So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...

A.   11 July 2018: Your wife loves you enjoys sex with you and cherishes what you have together. If that isn’t enough for your fragile ego their really isn’t anything anyone on this board can say that is going to help you. You need to appreciate what you have and ... (read in full...)

I planned a trip with friends and now they are going on a day I can't go

Q.   I planned a trip to a theme park and invited a couple of friends. I was excited about this. Then one if those friend's invited another couple of friends. One of those friends can't go on the day I am going, so they are now going on another day that ...

A.   29 June 2018: What your friends have done is crappy but don’t let them get you down. Go with your boyfriend and enjoy yourself.... (read in full...)

How do I ask for a sex toy?

Q.   I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...

A.   24 June 2018: Why in the name of heaven do you need to ask your dad for a sex toy? If you have a job use your own money. If don’t have a job get one or start babysitting to earn money. When you have the money . Go to the grocery store buy yourself an Amazon gift ... (read in full...)

I’m starting to worry about her relationship with a lesbian friend!

Q.   My girlfriend is friends with a lesbian. I'm starting to get worried. Am I overreacting? They've become really close. They've been spending a lot of time together. Sometimes, she goes for a girls night out with her friends including her le...

A.   24 June 2018: Sit your GF down and in a non accusatory way tell her how you feel. If she is willing to have an open honest discussion about your concerns good. If she becomes defensive and accuses you of not trusting her, not so good. But it is better to have ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my wife things are broken even though love is still there?

Q.   Hi everyone. I've come to you all for advice before and recieved a mixture of abuse, passive aggression and sexism. I ask you please to respond as if yuo are the shriks you claim to be! Me and my wife have been together 14 years. We have no kids ...

A.   7 June 2018: First You might want to stop dating. Or you might want to accept that sometimes relationships run their course and this may be the case with your marriage. You have explained to your wife how you feel and she has blown you off. It sounds like she... (read in full...)

Why hold a grudge for 3 years, after a crush wasn’t reciprocated?

Q.   If someone who had a crush on another person, felt rejected by that person, why would they hold a grudge after 3 years? They did not ask the person out. But dropped "I love you" lines here and there. But this was not taken seriously. So this other ...

A.   7 June 2018: Because said person is an immature jerk who is still in love with the other person. ... (read in full...)

My family are always having digs, and my husband wants me to cut contact with them.

Q.   Why does my family always try to drag me down! I go to visit my Mum and my older brother and sister with my Daughter. My family are always having digs at me and putting me down. I have tried to let it go over my head, but yesterday I told them how ...

A.   2 June 2018: These people put you and your daughter down but you still want a relationship with them. Your job a a parent is to protect your child. I assume they have worn down your self worth over the years which is he you continue to let them walk on you. O... (read in full...)

My husband found some screenshots from my sim game!

Q.   My husband is jealous of a dating Sim (similar to otome) visual novel romance game. Recently he came across some pictures I'd saved of one of the sex scenes between the sprites (it's all dialogue) to show to my friend. He got mad that 1) I had ...

A.   19 May 2018: It’s normal and healthy and it’s damaging your marriage. Decide what is more important to you, your online sex life or your real married life then jettison the one you can’t live without. My guess is your husband will be out.... (read in full...)

Why does my ex treat me this way?

Q.   My ex treated me very badly and we split in new year. Anyway I got Radom texts from him saying he loved me and missed me and then last night I kept getting "accidental" texts from him which was clearly for someone eles so I texted and said you text ...

A.   10 May 2018: He’s acting this way because you broke it off with him and he is a selfish immature jerk. You are doing the right thing by getting a new phone number ... (read in full...)

He’s been giving me gifts and I don’t know how to deal with this!

Q.   I have a guy who I started chatting on Instagram ( just innocent ) anyway we chatted back and forth for weeks and he asked to meet for a coffee somewhere so I did, he is a nice guy but not my type, we get on as friends, anyway after out coffee he ...

A.   10 May 2018: Stop taking his gifts. If you have his address mail all of the gifts back to him. If you don’t meet him one last time. Place all the gifts on the table and leave. Don’t engage him in debate over it. Then stop seeing him.... (read in full...)

He had panic attacks, couldn’t eat and lost weight when I tried to end our relationship! What do I do?

Q.   I have been seeing this man for 2 years, met him online and it is a long distance relationship as we don’t see each other regularly, only twice a month which was ok with me....Anyway he started talking about having a future together... to move away ...

A.   10 May 2018: There are so many red flags here I don’t know where to start. But here goes: YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS MAN’S HAPPINESS. He is manipulating you! For your wellbeing you need to break it off with this man and break it off now. We will start with ... (read in full...)

Why does my ex married lover want to fix things?

Q.   I really don't know what to anymore about my situation. I left my married lover because it was the right thing to do and it was hurting me. We are both military (one outranks the other) so it complicates things in terms of actually having a ...

A.   1 May 2018: The purpose of all this is he wants back in your pants. If you remember that you want fall back in with this creep and you know that’s what he is.... (read in full...)

Married man damaging my reputation.

Q.   Previous Post: About a month ago I ended an affair with a married man that I was having. We texted and called daily and we slept together on the weekend but I told it ...

A.   27 April 2018: Talking to him will give him what he wants. I don’t know what you can do about Facebook. I’m sure there is some way you can prevent him tagging you in the future. Remember no one cares about other people’s lives at least not for long. So keep your... (read in full...)

I don't know if I can indulge his BDSM fantasies

Q.   So I am engaged and both my fiance an I want to experience our fantasies, but I am not sure if I can commit to doing his. Mine is a foursome with him and two other girls, I am Bisexual so I am okay with mine, but his is BDSM an I don't know if ...

A.   27 April 2018: The sex advice columnist Dan Savage has a phrase GGG, Good, Giving and Game. Which means except for certain things we should all be willing to try something to please our partners. If the BDSM thing is important to your boyfriend you should give... (read in full...)

I'm a hopeless romantic who all the girls want as a friend, not as a date.

Q.   Just a little background: I'm a male virgin who's never been kissed and I've only been on one date. I'm usually the friend, not the boyfriend type. I still am friends with girls I've met and befriended. However it is a little frustrating bein...

A.   27 April 2018: I’m not sure what you mean by hopeless romantic but I suspect it has something to do with being a nice guy. Stop being so nice. I’m not saying be an a-hole but women a man who is a man. Stop trying to be their friend. Stop deferring to them all the ... (read in full...)

Their Grandma wont drop the subject, what do I do?

Q.   A few years ago, my sister-in-law's grandmother and her boyfriend went to Alaska on a vacation (the boyfriend is now decease). We talked about Alaska and I mentioned to her that Alaska is my dream vacation. I did my research and realize how much...

A.   25 April 2018: Why not just tell her the truth?... (read in full...)

My friend is upset none of us can afford to go to his wedding

Q.   An old friend who moved from Berlin where I live to San Diego is getting married. 5 years ago we were great friends and housemates. As time went on, I recognized we are very different and have different value systems. His dream is to find a partner ...

A.   22 April 2018: You are not a bad person if you don’t attend a wedding you cannot afford. Send a gift, one you can afford with a nice letter wishing him a long happy marriage and telling him you look forward to meeting his new wife in future. ... (read in full...)

How do I stop thinking about her being with someone else?

Q.   My girlfriend of several years broke up with me recently and we haven't talked or communicated since. It has felt like I've had a death in my family - I've lost the person I've spent every intimate detail of daily life with for the last several ...

A.   21 April 2018: I know this doesn’t help much but time heals all wounds. You have suffered a terrible loss and you have to grief that loss. And working thru grief takes time. ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend left, I want to fix it but she is ignoring me.

Q.   My girlfriend of 12 years has just left me. For the last 4 years we've lived together in our own place after a spell living with her family, we moved in shortly after my father passed away. I really struggled to deal with my father's passing...

A.   16 April 2018: You’re a violent bully. I’m glad she had the strength and courage to leave before you actually physically harmed her and you would have eventually. Leave her and her family alone.... (read in full...)

I'm having an affair wih my fiance's best friend.

Q.   I’m engaged due to be married September, I’ve started having an affair with one of his best friends. Now I don’t know whether I love his best friend. He’s asked me to not get married. My fiancé is a good man great father and stable. His frien...

A.   12 April 2018: You’re engaged to a man you don’t love. Call off the wedding.... (read in full...)

My ex has said he would never marry me, but I want him back!

Q.   Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?. I dated him for a year and a half from 2015 until 2017. Then I left him for another man that we both know, who I was in a relationship with for nearly a year ( he broke up with me three months ago). My ...

A.   10 April 2018: The other guy left you and now you want back with the guy you left. Until someone better comes along?... (read in full...)

How to deal with the pain of family estrangement?

Q.   I was estranged from my abusive BPD mother for eighteen years, because I could no longer take her abuse. My brother, who likely also suffered from BPD, saw this as a personal rejection and wanted nothing else to do with me. He threatened me with ...

A.   6 April 2018: My suggestion is you forget these people and build a life for yourself while it is not too late. Your brother’s children are behaving toward you as they were taught to behave by their father. And your mother will not change. You say you are all your... (read in full...)

Is he telling the truth about the state of his marriage?

Q.   I’m seeing a married man for a number of years. I am in no rush to spending my whole life with but I do love him, he says he is in a sexless marriage, that his wife has no sex drive yet iv seen photos of them with her arm around him yet he doesn’t ...

A.   5 April 2018: The loveless sexless marriage is the cheaters best weapon. Can’t believe at your age you’re still falling for it.... (read in full...)

My husband is disappointed because I didn't tell him about a job interview

Q.   Hi guys I feel really terrible about lying to my husband about a recent job interview I had. Two weeks ago I applied for a job (he knew I had been looking) and got called for the interview and thankfully got it. However I didn't tell my husband ...

A.   5 April 2018: This is very bizarre. You apologized and explained the reasons for not telling him. His reaction seems out of proportion to the issue. Actually it is very out of proportion. It borders on emotionally abusive and controlling. You had no maliciou... (read in full...)

Why would his parents ask me these odd questions?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a year now but some comments made by his parents are worrying me. We went out the other week and we came back. He was drunk but I didn't drink. He decided to make a sandwich but sliced his thumb open. I cleaned ...

A.   29 March 2018: When a man’s parents warn you off that man you should listen. Obviously he has done something in the past to warrant their concern don’t ignore them.... (read in full...)

I think she has betrayed my loyalty and trust!

Q.   I have a partner of 4+ years. We are 1,200 miles apart. I plan to join her in 6 months. She has vociferously prioritized loyalty and trustworthiness. I have been 100% loyal since we parted 5 months ago. Well, she went out with some girlfriends ...

A.   29 March 2018: I think you would be doing both of you a favor if you stay right where you are. You’re probably not getting the whole truth here. The thing is why did she feel she had to lie about going dancing with friends? And the wine in the hotel bar story does ... (read in full...)

Am I right to not trust him? Can a marriage survive on no trust?

Q.   I've been married for 12 years, have 2 beauitful children. Recently found out that a woman my husband works with has a crush on him. They've worked together for 18 months but I was led to believe that they just worked for the same company, in...

A.   28 March 2018: In 18 months of lunches and walks to the bus family life never came up? If you believe that I have a bridge in San Francisco for sale you may be interested in. But seriously where there is no trust Ithere cannot be a healthy relationship. You can ... (read in full...)

My FWB wants a break and I don't know why.

Q.   Hi, my friends with benefits recently told me he needs a break. Apparently he's mad at me because I called when his soon to be wife showed up at his house to discuss the divorce. I did't know she was there. We talk every day. We lived together...

A.   22 March 2018: Ask him. But keep in mind if you agreed to be a f*ck buddy he may feel he doesn’t owe you an explanation.... (read in full...)

I wish I could find a big "jock" guy to treat me as this man does.

Q.   Hi, am a 59 year old single woman, been dating this guy for five months, but am very busy, he wants more, but I don't have the time, we have fun one night a week, I haven't introduced him to family or friends, he comes on real strong,you know, ...

A.   19 March 2018: Why are you wasting this poor guys time? He is clearly not the type of man you want. You need a jock and he needs an honest woman who appreciates what he has to offer. Stop seeing him and let him get on with his life. ... (read in full...)

He has broken my trust and lied to me so many times and I love him to bits!

Q.   My partner and i have been together for 2 years in April i am pregnant with his child but he constantly checks out other women i have looked on his phone history and he has been on porn sites i confronted him about it he swears blind he didn't do ...

A.   17 March 2018: You know what this guy is and you got pregnant by him. You have told him how you feel, I assume more than once and he has dismissed you. You have two choices, break up with him or accept him for what he is and live with his roving eye and probable ... (read in full...)

After two and a half years she tells me she never loved me!

Q.   The other day I got into a fight with my gf of 2 and a half years. She had been acting distant for a day or so and I finally asked what was up. I called her and asked if something was wrong. She began telling me she just didn't think she wanted a ...

A.   16 March 2018: She has done you a favor. I’ve known a few people who had this happen to them after they were married and had scrambled their DNA. a coworker of mine had it happen a few weeks before her wedding. I know that’s not much comfort but it could have been ... (read in full...)

She says her married boyfriend will get jealous if we have sex.

Q.   I met this girl, after speaking for weeks, we met for casual sex. It was great and she seemed to be enjoying it. We were probably busy for 2-3 hours. She even asked me to whip her, first time for me but she enjoyed it. She was good and was eager to ...

A.   10 March 2018: There are 3.5 billion women on this planet. Thirty three million are in the UK I’m sure plenty of them are single. Why would you waste anymore time and effort on one that would: sleep with a married man and then worry about him being jealous of her ... (read in full...)

Is something wrong with me that I’m aroused by evidence of my wife’s cheating?

Q.   I found out that my wife reconnected with a former boyfriend after 28 years via email. They were exchanging email and vivid sexual chats. When I confronted her, she said that it was just imagination and nothing. Although she apologised, she refuses ...

A.   10 March 2018: You have a cuckold fetish. Many men have it. I don’t understand it but it works for some men. What you should be concerned about is your wife professing love for another man. Your marriage could be in serious trouble. If your wife won’t disc... (read in full...)

What is the best way to end my obsession with my co-worker?

Q.   Hello, I am a happily a married woman with a 4yr old daughter and an awesome husband. With that said I want nothing more than to have crazy (50 shades of grey) sex with my coworker who is also married with 3 kids and one on the way. It started ...

A.   10 March 2018: Sleep with the guy and get it out of your system. Then you can stop cheating on your husband because that is what you’re doing. ... (read in full...)

How should I reply to his text?

Q.   Hi Thank you for reading. I dated a guy for 7 months last year. He dumped me in late December, saying that he felt that our relationship wasn’t moving forward as quickly as he wanted. He wanted me to move in with him and I didn’t feel ready...

A.   5 March 2018: Ignore the text and block his number. You owe this guy nothing. He contacted you for one of two reasons: to worm his way back into your life or to assuage his conscience. Don’t let him back into your life and don’t give him any kind of absolution. ... (read in full...)

My wife won't allow me to choose our son's name, constantly undermines me and hates me

Q.   My wife is 33 weeks pregnant with our first son. Today she started to fight with me. I had chosen a name for our child. She didn't even pay attention. I picked her up from the church today and she announced that she wants our son to be named by...

A.   26 February 2018: Don’t have anymore children with this woman. From what I read I cannot imagine what made you think having this one with her was a good idea. Your best bet would be to divorce this woman and if you ever do marry again find someone you love who love... (read in full...)

Why does a cheater cheat and then beg his gf or wife not to leave him if she finds out?

Q.   Why does a cheater cheat on a woman he loves and then if she finds out, begs her not to leave him? Why would he even commit the worst relationship sin of all if he loved her? Seemingly he did not care enough about her not to hurt her. So, if ...

A.   24 February 2018: Cheaters cheat for a number of reasons but for the most part it comes down to ego and opportunity. Why do they ask their spouse to forgive them? They may genuinely love their spouse and don’t want to lose them despite their actions so they seek ... (read in full...)

Am I fooling myself that we can hold this relationship together long term? Anyone else experience this type of situation?

Q.   30 years ago I was dating a guy who was a male version of me. Stubborn. Determined. Intense. He was my first love and I’d never loved anyone so deeply. I have never been a jealous person but I wanted him all to myself. We’d argue because he hated...

A.   24 February 2018: It sounds like you two deserve one another. So what is the problem? If everything is so perfect why are you writing here looking for validation for your betrayal of your spouse?... (read in full...)

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