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... Send *lha a private message | | | *lha's profile:I am an educator. Have taught elementary up to high school students. I have listened to so many problems faced by these learners that nothing shocks me.
I have learnt psychology as part of being an educator. Therefore, I try my best to provide comments that would help anyone seeking advice.
I prefer to answer posts from my age group as I myself am going through my own personal problems. However, I do answer posts from other age groups if I feel and think that I am able to help. I do not provide advice for any posts that I think I am unable to provide any help at all.
I am currently completing my PhD thesis. Undergoing a PhD study has helped me a lot in being a person who looks at things wholly and based on facts. Besides, it has helped me a lot to understand how culture, individuality and upbringing influence everyone differently. |
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| Latest articles: Being A Good Agony Aunt or Uncle
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 February 2013: I have been reading comments and feedback from agony aunts and uncles to queries and questions posted by OPs. Some of the advice, opinions, comments and feedback are encouraging, motivating and insightful But nonetheless many are very negative, j...
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How can I get over the guilt and open wound from a year ago?
Q. A year ago, I was going through a rough time in life. I had lost my job, which put a strain on our relationship. I/we were not talking much about our feelings and our self-worth. The relationship was strained. I had a lot of low times and did ...
A. 27 February 2013: Dear OP,
1. Did you go to a doctor to talk about what happened to you emotionally. You may have had experienced depression and I have the feeling you still are. Please do go see a doctor and check this out
2. Please do go to a marriage counsel... (read in full...)
Girl flirting with my boyfriend at party, and then friending him on Facebook.
Q. My boyfriend and I were at a birthday party at a house a few weeks ago. We met a mutual friend of one of the birthday girls for the first time, a female about our age. At first she seemed really nice and we were both chatting with her. Then ...
A. 27 February 2013: Dear OP, I do not think you are insecure. You have valid reasons for your worries. 1. You claim to have a solid relationship. This means you should not have problems communicating with your bf. Tell him what you think in a rational and calm man... (read in full...)
I don't want to divorce. Yet what can I do? Since retiring my husband likes to behave like a bachelor.
Q. I am a 55 year and a working adult. My marriage was never and easy one because our was a arranged marriage. I have been married for 35 year. My spouse is a highly egoistic character. Since day one i was not able to communicate with my husband....
A. 25 February 2013: Dear OP, I understand what you going through. I am in a more or less similar relationship where I have been married for 12 years. Mine is partly arranged marriage. I did all I could to have my husband love me. I communicate to him what I need... (read in full...)
Getting a Second Chance to Meet Someone Again for the First Time
Q. Late last summer I met this girl working at a restaurant I was visiting with friends. The dialog between us was very brief and somewhat awkward since the meeting had been arranged on-the-spot by my friend's girlfriend (the girl's co-worker), yet I ...
A. 25 February 2013: Dear OP, It is clear that you have been a very responsible young man. You have made a lot of changes and progress in your life to ensure that you have a stable and promising future. It was also great that you have been keeping in contact wit... (read in full...)
Received advice before, but still feeling bad . . .
Q. I have posted a couple of questions on this site and I received a lot of good answers that built me up. However, I am still in the same place I was when I started posting because for every kind answer I received here there were others on the ...
A. 24 February 2013: Dear OP,
It would be very helpful if you could link us the problems you posted here before so that we would better understand what you are talking about.
Cupids answer any problems based on the information given by the posters. Therefo... (read in full...)
Should I leave my cheating husband?
Q. i love my husband very much and recently i found out he did cheated ..should i stay with him or leave?...
A. 24 February 2013: Dear OP,
You need to find out:
1. How long has he cheated?
2. Why did he cheat?
3. Is he willing to fight for the marriage?
4. Are you willing to fight for the marriage?
5. If you want the marriage, is he agreeable to go for marriage cou... (read in full...)
My married lover won't leave his wife for me. Its not fair!
Q. I am deeply in love with a married man that doesn't love me back. Why do all of these lucky bitc*es get their married boyfriend to love them. Let me guess its all about looks?? Only beautiful and attractive women can get the man to fall for them. ...
A. 24 February 2013: Dear OP,
1. He is married
2. He does not love you
3. Therefore, where is the equation that he has to leave his wife and be with you?
4. Life is definitely NOT fair. You need to find someone available not unattainable.
5. You cannot ... (read in full...)
I Proposed to My Pregnant Girlfriend, She Accepted!
Q. hi Aunts ahd Uncles... im the man who orginally posted about my pregnant girlfriend. the title was she posts everything on facebook. you all wanted me to come back and prove you wrong. well guess what? my baby BOY is due in june, i proposed to her ...
A. 22 February 2013: Dear OP, I am glad that you are very happy with your current situation. Thanks for updating your situation. Hope you and your future wife will work hard to keep the relationship going strong especially since you will be having a child soon. I wi... (read in full...)
Would you pay? It was a change she required prior to the holiday. But then she expected to pay for part of her additional cost.
Q. Would you pay? I went on a trip with someone who I knew from work for quite a bit, but can't call her a friend. We bought air fare separately but hotel she booked. We had different flights and I arrived later to find out that hotel now costs twic...
A. 22 February 2013: Dear OP,
I agree with iAmHereToHelp's opinion. I understand what you mean because you are a person who is not calculative. However, the person you went on a trip is very much a calculative person.
Just pay to avoid all these fuss. In the fut... (read in full...)
Help! I am Catholic, my boyfriend is Sikh. His family has other plans for him.
Q. hi guys i have a problem and i think you can help me im in a forbidden love kind of situation. im catholic and im in love with an indian guy he is about my age, his religion is sikh. we have been together a while now. he always told me that in c...
A. 20 February 2013: Dear OP, I empathize with what you are going through. Looks like he is abiding to his family's wishes. Let him be as he is also suffering within. You have been right in your actions to miss the first day of college to unburden all your em... (read in full...)
Is marriage worth it? Should I give up on the idea of being married at my age?
Q. I just wondered, to those of you who are on here who are married, is it worth it? I'm approaching 40 and had loads of boyfriends but never yet met someone I seriously wanted to marry. I really loved some of them but knew it wasn't right in some wa...
A. 20 February 2013: Dear OP, 1. Being married or single should never matter at all. What matters most is your happiness. If you are happy with your life now, enjoy it. 2. Marriage has its own problems, so does being single. Ask yourself, do you want to get mar... (read in full...)
Why are men so confusing?! HELP!
Q. Hello, hope someone can tell me why men are so confusing?!! I went on a date two weeks ago with a co-worker. I've liked him for a while, but was badly hurt last year so this is the first person I've actually wanted to date. We had an amazing date, ...
A. 19 February 2013: Dear OP, I don't think most men are confusing at all. They are confusing because we do know what they think. The best way to stop being confused is to ask him why he so indifferent to you now. Why don't you suggest a friendly outing like h... (read in full...)
Help! I am Catholic, my boyfriend is Sikh. His family has other plans for him.
Q. hi guys i have a problem and i think you can help me im in a forbidden love kind of situation. im catholic and im in love with an indian guy he is about my age, his religion is sikh. we have been together a while now. he always told me that in c...
A. 19 February 2013: Dear OP, Thanks for the update. This is a difficult time for everyone involved. I can imagine the pain and anguish you are suffering now. But from the beginning of this relationship, there was sure indications that it would be an uphill task ... (read in full...)
Help! I am Catholic, my boyfriend is Sikh. His family has other plans for him.
Q. hi guys i have a problem and i think you can help me im in a forbidden love kind of situation. im catholic and im in love with an indian guy he is about my age, his religion is sikh. we have been together a while now. he always told me that in c...
A. 18 February 2013: Dear OP, I am glad that you read the other poster's problem that is similar to yours. From your update I sense that he really loves you to have done all that. However, his family is also very cunning in the sense that they are using health... (read in full...)
Would it be that wrong for us to try and see if he and I can work?
Q. Modnote(1): Please advise the age difference between you and the guy you are interested in. Modnote (2) The boy's father is the girl's great Uncle. The boy's uncle is the grandfather of the girl. Her great grandparents are also the boy's grandparen...
A. 18 February 2013: Dear OP,
1. Please do confide with any relatives if you cannot confide with your mum whether it is feasible for you to have a relationship with a person who is somewhat related to you
2. If there is no taboo to have a relationship wit... (read in full...)
Did my friend betray me because she has bad luck with men?
Q. My bf broke up with me a few months ago in November. A friend a mine really expressed interest in seeing me even though I hadn't known him long he seemed like a good guy and even though we work together I saw it ok as working there was temp...
A. 17 February 2013: Modnote: original question since made more readable Dear OP, I find your post difficult to read. Maybe you could arrange your thoughts and write them in appropriate paragraphs. I reread 3 times and am actually confused. Therefore, I am u... (read in full...)
Would it be that wrong for us to try and see if he and I can work?
Q. Modnote(1): Please advise the age difference between you and the guy you are interested in. Modnote (2) The boy's father is the girl's great Uncle. The boy's uncle is the grandfather of the girl. Her great grandparents are also the boy's grandparen...
A. 17 February 2013: Dear OP,
1. A family tree would actually help to see how close or distant you two are related.
2. The age difference between the two of you is also important before any advice or suggestion could be given. This is important so that any advice ... (read in full...)
Help! I am Catholic, my boyfriend is Sikh. His family has other plans for him.
Q. hi guys i have a problem and i think you can help me im in a forbidden love kind of situation. im catholic and im in love with an indian guy he is about my age, his religion is sikh. we have been together a while now. he always told me that in c...
A. 17 February 2013: Dear OP, I understand your predicament. Believe me it is tough for him too. Basically, Sikh and Hindu men and women, who live overseas, the family are more religious and strict, as they want to maintain their identity and culture in a country whe... (read in full...)
He was maintaining a relationship with his ex-girlfriend on and off even while we were a couple. Do I confront him or forget him?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I post this because I seek your advice on what I should do. Perhaps this posting is a little unnecessary, because in my mind, I think I already know the answer. I met my boyfriend of one and a half years at work in New Zealan...
A. 9 February 2013: Dear OP, You were spot on when you said you know the answer to the problem you are facing. Writing it down too makes it so much clearer to you. You are very sure of him. You did everything a girlfriend would for a boyfriend. But sadly, your so ... (read in full...)
Does this 'relationship' have any potential?
Q. we've been seeing each other for over a month now. Every week, but usually at his place. We will go out for dinner the odd time. He says he wants it to stay casual as he just got out of a 3 and a half year relationship. In the beginning he woul...
A. 9 February 2013: Dear OP, The only way you can find out if there is any potential in this relationship is to talk to him when both of you meet up every week. Tell him honestly how you feel and give him a chance to explain how he feels. You have the right to as... (read in full...)
What can I do? I don't like it when he calls me bad names, but I'm also scared of him.
Q. I have been hanging out with this man for about 5 months, he says we are just friends but we act more like a couple, heres my question!! I have been giving him b j a lot and there have been times he pushes my head down and he calls me bad names a ...
A. 9 February 2013: Dear OP, Why are you still with this man if he has friend zoned you? He is definitely using you to get some sexual satisfaction. Why are you afraid of him? Has he threatened you before? Why is this friendship valuable to you that breaking of... (read in full...)
How can I make new friends who are genuine friends? Not people whose intention is "just in case they need a favor"?
Q. This question is about new friends that I make along my way, that always want favors from me. I’m in my 30s with 12 year old child. We moved to a new state about 2 years ago, and I want to make friends. Everyone I meet seemingly very nice in a b...
A. 9 February 2013: Dear OP, You seemed to be a very nice person. The weakness of being TOO NICE is the inability to say NO. I can understand your need to have friends since you are a stay home mum. Friendships are very important specially for stay home mums as ... (read in full...)
Being A Good Agony Aunt or Uncle
Q. I have been reading comments and feedback from agony aunts and uncles to queries and questions posted by OPs. Some of the advice, opinions, comments and feedback are encouraging, motivating and insightful But nonetheless many are very negative, j...
A. 8 February 2013: My dear Jonas,
Thanks for your support and feedback.
1. There are OPs that do not respond to agony aunts and uncles questions.
If the OPs are reluctant to divulge information asked, then there is only so much we can help.
Sometimes OPs ... (read in full...)
Was I a fool to get involved and offer my support to him?
Q. A friend of mine was going through hell as his wife had gone off with another man, leaving him a note. He hit the drink and after a week moved into a new place he kept on drinking I stepped up and saved him and his job, Things moved on and we be...
A. 7 February 2013: Dear OP, This is really a very complicated situation. I empathize with what you are going through. 1. I infer from your post that he is still married to her, therefore, he is legally her partner, you are the other woman. If I am wrong, plea... (read in full...)
Being A Good Agony Aunt or Uncle
Q. I have been reading comments and feedback from agony aunts and uncles to queries and questions posted by OPs. Some of the advice, opinions, comments and feedback are encouraging, motivating and insightful But nonetheless many are very negative, j...
A. 6 February 2013: Thanks Abella for your input and feedback. Really appreciate it coming from someone who has been on this site for a long time. Your feedback has provided me many new information about DC. Anyway, since writing the article, I found that I sud... (read in full...)
She has started going on dating sites, in front of me. She tells me there is better than me out there. What should I do?
Q. I have lived with my girlfriend for 5 years. We have both decided against getting married and have no children (she doesnt want any). Everything has been steady and we have always got on. Over the past 6 months she has got into a twice weekly g...
A. 6 February 2013: Dear OP I think you have every reason to be worried about the situation you are in. It is a 5 year old relationship, definitely the sparks that were there in the initial part of the relationship have weaned off. It is a phase all couples, married ... (read in full...)
Desperate - wife found a pic and says she is leaving
Q. My wife and I have had a very close relationship - and we have both been known to get a little freaky regarding sex. We both use porn (me more than her), but she has never had any issues w/it at all. I recently created a "locked" folder on my pho...
A. 6 February 2013: Dear OP, I know the comments here hurt you. Most people think that by being mean, they get the message across. I have time and again posted comments that agony uncles and aunts should never be judgemental of anyone's problems because we are n... (read in full...)
Desperate - wife found a pic and says she is leaving
Q. My wife and I have had a very close relationship - and we have both been known to get a little freaky regarding sex. We both use porn (me more than her), but she has never had any issues w/it at all. I recently created a "locked" folder on my pho...
A. 6 February 2013: Dear OP,
I know this must be hard on you as well as on your wife. When your wife found that picture, she must be in shocked. There must be a lot of confusion on her part. Therefore, it is not surprising that she made such decision on the spot. Le... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont get engaged to me unless I get her a 20 000 euro engagement ring
Q. Hi, I ve posted on this website before and I ve found the answere really helpful so I am hoping for some more advice please. I ve been agonizing over this for some time, would be really interested to hear what others think.. My girlfriend w...
A. 5 February 2013: Dear OP, The shortest advice I ever give: She is NOT WORTH it. Please stop taking her back. You deserve much better. Good luck!!!... (read in full...)
Do you think I have missed my chance with this guy or is it worth being somewhere by "accident"on the chance I will bump into him? Or is that desperate?
Q. I had to wait in a queue for half hour or so yesterday and got randomly chatting to this guy who was also waiting. during the conversation he told me 2 or 3 times he was single,divorced, asked if I was.We kept chatting till it was my turn to be se...
A. 28 January 2013: Dear OP,
We are in the same age group, and my take on this is, go for it. You know some details about him. Look for his office number and call him, less embarrassing, if he is not interested. If it was me, I am very bold. I would go to his offi... (read in full...)
She posts everything we do on facebook!
Q. im with this girl that is say young enough to be my daughter. i love her very much and i even ended a long term marriage for her. but lately i have been thinking about things she put on facebook when we were dating. i told her one night when we were ...
A. 16 January 2013: Dear OP, Most yong people like to update their status about everything in their life. You could talk to her about how it makes you feel. Compromise on what topics or status she is allowed to post on her Facebook. I sense you have so much love for... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex that I'm going to sleep with his room mate?
Q. My ex and I had kind of a terrible breakup. The issue was that he refused to cuddle with me at all and if I tried to touch him, he would recoil and physically shove me away, which made me feel really bad about myself. He also seemed to enjoy the ...
A. 11 January 2013: Dear OP, You do not owe any explanation to your ex on your present or future situation. It should not matter to him who you are dating or sleeping with because he is your PAST. I do not know why his roommate wants him to know before doing it.... (read in full...)
Why is this confident man so submissive towards his wife???
Q. Is it normal for a high-profile man who manages people with a high level of confidence to be completely subdued by his wife and her rude remarks and nagging without him ever complaining? I have noticed this about a couple I know and can't figure out ...
A. 10 January 2013: Dear OP, Maybe he loves her, maybe he likes to be treated like that, maybe he is a coward or maybe he knows his wife well enough to know to just shut up so that there will be peace in the marriage and household .... I don't know actually. Only h... (read in full...)
My married lover has given his wife 6 months to give him more sex. What should I do?
Q. Im 35 and single and I met this 38 year old guy that has been married for 15years, we started off just being cool and each time we saw one another he would always talk about his wife saying things like how bad she treats him, how he let his wife ...
A. 10 January 2013: Dear OP,
Men will say anything to get you in bed, including bad mouthing his wife. All you might know, nothing he has said about her was true at all. Remember you are listening to only his side of story.
My take on this is get out of this rela... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 10 January 2013: Dear OP and fellow agony aunts and uncles, Poor OP just wanted to know what he should do and here there is an ongoing debate about equality, gender, gold diggers etc. OP, 1. write a letter like you said you would. Wait for her response 2. Mov... (read in full...)
As the man, should I be doing the asking?
Q. I have a lady in my life. We are friends, good friends and I'd like to be more than friends but it hasn't reached that point. I'm old fashioned. I've always believed a man has to court the lady, that when a man wants to do something, ie go...
A. 31 December 2012: Dear OP,
My suggestion would be to keep in touch with her more often and give subtle signs that you are interested to pursue a relationship that is more than friendship. Any women would love being pursued. Make plans to meet up. Tell her the date... (read in full...)
He's not sure if he's ready for a relationship, should I wait?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, he's stayed at my place once and me at his three times. We met online and he gave me his number and suggested we meet up. He said he was excited but nervous to meet, and when we finally did, it couldn't ...
A. 24 December 2012: Dear OP, 1. Please take a deep breath and relax. 2. He likes you enough to not have force you to have sex with him --- means he respects you. 3. He has just broke off from a long term relationship, he needs space. (maybe he is afraid that ... (read in full...)
Why did he wait 2 weeks after our date to contact me?
Q. I'm confused by this guy. We met up for one date and I would describe it as only ok but we are both shy so I put it down to that and was willing to meet up another time. So we arranged a date a few days later but he cancelled last minute, I sent him ...
A. 20 December 2012: Dear OP,
My take on this is simple.. Never judge a first date as a measurement of how successful a relationship would be. Most of the times it takes a few dates to know if it would work out. Both of you are shy, therefore, it was not surprisi... (read in full...)
We broke up after we argued. How can I convince her to give me another chance?
Q. My Gf almost made it 2 years together, but we Got in this huge Fight, we always fight but never this bad.. We were texting each other and she told me she Loves me but we can't be together. I didn't know how to respond so i just said Alright....
A. 11 December 2012: Dear OP,
As hard as it may be, you have to let her go. You cannot force anyone to give you a second chance if she does not want to. Your friends are right. You will be able to get over this but like everything else in life, it will take time. Ma... (read in full...)
What should my next move be with this other guy?
Q. a guy declared his love to me about two weeks ago, but i told him i couldn´t just go with him because i was dating this other guy who's been longer with me. Though we might break up. I told guy#1 that i wouldn't break up with my guy because of h...
A. 10 December 2012: You have put yourself in a very complicated situation. I am a little confused, so bear with me if I got some of the facts wrong. First, do not go from one relationship to the next without thinking it through. Ask yourself what is lacking in your ... (read in full...)
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