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This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 February 2015: Many people have insecurites or issues with aspects of their looks or personality. Often its the most insignificant details that makes us become the most obssessional. Whether it be our height, figure, complexion, breast size/shape or our weight, ...
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How do I tell the guy I've been dating that I found someone else and to please stop contacting me?
Q. I have been dating a man for almost a year. About 5-6 months into this I knew this wasn't what I wanted. He was very clingy and I just did not like the behavior he showed towards me at times. I have tried several times to explain to him that alth...
A. 22 August 2015: Hello You sound a nice person but you are being too easily controlled here. Your being too nice for your own good. Firstly - It isn't mean to break up with someone you don't want to be with. If it isn't working for you and you know he isn't fo... (read in full...)
Is online date getting ahead of himself with me ?
Q. hi everyone, ive joined a dating site and have been talking to one particular man for 2 month and we are meeting next week . the thing is i think hes pinning all his hopes on me . he messages me and calls me sexy (im far from that ) he also tells me ...
A. 16 August 2015: If he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with you without even meeting then that's a huge, frantically waved red flag! After 2 months of online interaction, you don't know each other at all. The way we present ourselves online is not ho... (read in full...)
I want to break up but my boyfriend doesn't, how do I go about this the right way?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over 5 years. He is a nice guy, but I am not in love with him anymore. I find that we have drifted apart, no longer have the same interests, and that my feelings have just changed ove...
A. 16 August 2015: Hi there We get a lot of posts from people your age in this situation. At least in terms of the way the relationship has gone from being two close teenagers with lots in common to two young adults with different needs and outlooks on life. Its ... (read in full...)
What kind of guy tries to get intimate on a first date?
Q. I recently met this guy some days back through a mutual friend and we had some chemistry. We went out and then I stayed over at his place because it was already too late to get to mine which is far. He tried to get intimate with me. I wanted it ...
A. 14 August 2015: The best advice I can give you is never stay at a mans mouse, flat or room unless you have the intention of sleeping with him.
In such a situation you never know if, behind closed doors, the perfect gentleman will turn nasty and force you into... (read in full...)
Is it appropraite for a guy to bring two of his friends on a first date with a girl?
Q. Is it appropraite for a guy to bring two of his friends on a first date with a girl? I met a guy for the first time on a proper date and he brought two of his male friends like a group date. I told him off straight. I am so angry. Is this even right ...
A. 14 August 2015: I used to do internet dating and once had a woman ask me on a first date at a birthday party with her mates in a club. No way was I going to stand around like a fool not knowing anyone as they partied and the "date" divided her time between me and ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting?
Q. Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are ...
A. 13 August 2015: Please don't assume that because he is a friend of a friend that he is honest and trustworthy.
... (read in full...)
He wanted to have sex without a condom and even lied saying he didn't have one!
Q. I was seeing a guy for a few dates and i liked him a huge amount. We were getting along really well and I think he liked me a lot too. We started having sex fairly soon after meeting because we were drunk the first time we met, which sort of paved ...
A. 12 August 2015: Contraception is a joint responsibility. Never, ever rely on a man to do the right thing.
Ensure you are prepared and don't fool around when drunk as that's when errors of judgement occur.
Whether he lied or not about not having condoms i... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be in a hotel room with a guy you are just meeting?
Q. Hello Aunts, I just met a likeable guy some days back and we started talking. So we've decided to hang out but his place is quite far from mine and he suggested we lodge in a hotel room together. Is it okay to be in a hotel room with a guy you are ...
A. 12 August 2015: Hi Im sorry but your seem very naïve. If the guy wants to meet you in a hotel room then he wants sex pure and simple. Also you say his place is too far away, well if you have only just met him, don't want to have sex with him and value your... (read in full...)
I'm left alone and really unhappy at work. Should I talk to my apprenticeship assessor about my work situation?
Q. I started my apprenticeship in May 2015, my role is a Business Administration Apprentice at a company that have only just started trading January this year. I thought this would job would be a good opportunity for myself as it is a small business ...
A. 11 August 2015: Hi
Sadly here in the UK apprenticeships are not what they once were. My dad started out as an apprentice in the 1960s and they taught him a trade, a basis for a future successful career.
Now however young people are often taken on as appr... (read in full...)
I'm interested in a guy at work but am not good at flirting and am wondering if I should pursue things?
Q. I've been single for a while now, and I thought I was looking for some fun (had some bad experience with past relationships), but I've realised enough is enough, I'm not going out of my way to find a guy but I am sneakily looking lol.. Anyway, I...
A. 11 August 2015: I am sure you will get plenty of responses warning you of the dangers of dating with a co-worker. Most of us learnt the hard way that its not the thing to do for a variety of reasons.
He may be charming, friendly, cheeky and lovely IN work, bu... (read in full...)
He's caught in the middle of me and his friends, so what more can I do?
Q. OK I'm in quite a dilemma, I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and it's getting difficult to cope with his friends not liking me. In April my boyfriend and his friends were out and I turned up super late because of a birthday I was p...
A. 10 August 2015: Sorry but this all sounds a right drama which you are getting too old for.
Time to leave this stuff to teenagers don't you think? Get out of this crap relationship and find a guy who has a lot more maturity and a decent group of friends.... (read in full...)
I'm not funny, are girls put off by guys like me?
Q. Girls say all the time that they want guys who are funny, well the truth is, that not everybody can make everybody laugh and be the life of the party. Some guys like me are not funny or sarcastic and generally don't have a sense of humor. I'll n...
A. 10 August 2015: It depends what you mean by funny.
A girl of 19 may be attracted to lads who lark about, have a "laugh" and get into mischief. A woman of 30 would se the same behaviour as adolescent and annoying.
A guy who is funny, has a wicked sense of ... (read in full...)
Do other women not wear panties under their dresses?
Q. My boyfriend gave me a gift card to luluelemon and said to buy something we would both enjoy. I ended up with a tennis style dress that fits perfect on me, but it is supershort. He told me it looks amazing on me but I'm a little selfconscious with ...
A. 10 August 2015: From a Male point of view, I think there is something about women who wear no underwear in public combined with a short dress that's a real turn off.
It comes across as tacky and an obvious form of attention seeking. If I and other random s... (read in full...)
Why do married men fancy me? And why do I respond?
Q. I am a 40 year old woman.. Separated from an alcoholic husband, no children but I work and manage on my own. I also live on my own. Of late I have a lot of interest from married men. This is the second one in 3 years and I like them as friends ...
A. 9 August 2015: sadly if you allow your loneliness and need for company show to men, many will want to take advantage of that vulnerability.
If you come across as needing a friend, being lonely and feeling empty it will put off single men looking for a long ter... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to act when a male friend sends me unwanted pics of his privates?
Q. Hello Agony aunts. My first question is what do we say or do about friends that send pictures of their privates to their female friends. I remember the first time my very close friend did that to me, I severed all contact with him. I was ...
A. 9 August 2015: I agree with the other responses but, if this has happened with several friends, I also think maybe you need to consider the kind of men you are attracting as friends.
Not all of use send pics of our genitals to women nor would we think it would... (read in full...)
Her actions have confused me. What do I need to know to understand her better?
Q. Hi everyone I met a girl a few months ago, and we got along so well. we would speak often and when we met up she seemed to really enjoy it and would message me all day they day after saying how much she enjoyed it. if i compliment her appearanc...
A. 9 August 2015: Sounds like she is letting you down gently. I have been in the same situation several times myself and its always hard when someone wont just admit they don't want to see you again and instead do the whole gradually vanish thing. You need to ta... (read in full...)
I gave oral sex after losing my virginity should I have tests done?
Q. Hey everyone! So recently I lost my virginity. Well in doing so I gave him a bl-wjob. I'll be honest, it hurt! So much but then after, I went down on him. He broke the hymen so I did bleed a lot. Ok so the question is, will there be any problems ...
A. 8 August 2015: Your an adult now and part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your well being and making informed choices.
With that in mind it would have been better to research this before engaging in sexual acts.
Your blood was on his penis? Th... (read in full...)
I haven't heard from him in 2 weeks. Do I wait?
Q. hy..its been five weeks to our relation..we stay in different countries..and never met...he promised to come n take me with him...but its two weeks he's gone for an emergency n he's no calling at all..n even msg hardly he does...but I really love ...
A. 8 August 2015: Erm sorry to be blunt but how can you love a guy, or trust him, when you have never met and only know 5 weeks?
Your willing to move to another county to live after knowing him five minutes? Seriously?
Sorry but you are being very naïve and d... (read in full...)
How can I tell him that his clothes are putting me off him?
Q. I met a very nice man online and we've been on a few dates and have got on really well. Nothing physical has happened between us. Before we actually met we chatted a lot online and he ticked a lot of the boxes in what I'm looking for - we share ...
A. 7 August 2015: Hi there,
As we get older we do naturally become more picky. Whether it be with jobs, relationships, investments, friendships or our foods. In general we are less willing to compromise and more understanding of what we do and don't want.
We h... (read in full...)
Where does that spark to want to do good in the community come from? Why do some lose it? Why do some never want to give back?
Q. Hello everyone. I maybe have a somewhat different question. I was wondering what happens to people when they lose their passion towards wanting to do good, to help the society, and instead want to just earn as much money as possible, even i...
A. 27 June 2015: Hi Why do some people lose the spark to be a good person, help others and be respected? Well I do want to start my response by saying its wonderful that you wish to help others and I am sure you would love to have a career in which you can b... (read in full...)
Is it ok to help him out with money until he starts to get paid again? How do I make it clear it's temporary help?
Q. I recently started dating a guy, i really like a lot. He has been laid off of his job. Is it ok to help him out with money until he starts to get paid again? I dont make a lot of money but i live comfortably. If i do this how can i make sure he...
A. 27 June 2015: Wow Id love a new girlfriend who cleans for me, does my washing and pays pay too! Being serious I think you need to be wary of trying too hard, especially too soon. The moment you start "helping" him you are likely to get used. If, a few weeks ... (read in full...)
Love/loveless relationship?
Q. How do you feel after you've been in a relationship over a year? I'm struggling with what love actually is. My boyfriend and I are about to the point where in the next year or so we might marry, but I don't know if I love him back in the right way. ...
A. 26 June 2015: Hi there,
I would certainly hold off any thought of marriage until you are in a more settled mind set over this. You are both still very young, its only been a year or so together which seems a long time when you are young, but as you get just a b... (read in full...)
How to turn down dates?
Q. So I feel a little ridiculous posting this but I never thought I'd have this problem! I need to figure out how to quickly, unambiguously turn men down. I feel so uncomfortable doing it that sometimes when I am asked to get together, I just...
A. 23 June 2015: Your making a rod for your own back and giving confusing signals to men and then complaining when they react to what you SAY rather than what you MEAN. If you say to a guy " yes sometime but im really busy right now" men will take that at face val... (read in full...)
He said he "was thinking about me while getting his lapdances,"and thinks it's not cheating. Should I give him another chance?
Q. My bf, J (23) and I(25) are both military and have been together nearly 3 yrs, mostly long distance (we're 10 hrs apart now). At the start, we made boundaries for cheating. Since we're both jealous, we said kissing, flirting and all the various ...
A. 17 June 2015: Wow I will have to remember that one form his hilarious book of excuses!
Maybe I could say to my partner: "Hey hunny, last night when I was pounding some old slapper whos name ive forgotten, there was not only no emotional connection AND guess wh... (read in full...)
Is there any point in trying for long- distance? Or can we offer a future promise to each other?
Q. Extremely in love with a guy who was here for work. We've been together for a year. He leaves for his home country soon, as well as to complete his studies. I am thinking of discussing long-distance with him seriously, yet will there be a point...
A. 5 June 2015: SVC has got it spot on. Besides, at your young ages you are both still developing, maturing, becoming adults. 3 years is a long time when you are young and by the end of that 3 years you will almost certainly be two very different people with very ... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there who actually don't like strip clubs?
Q. Are there guys out there who actually DON'T like strip clubs? I live in a mining town and strip clubs are starting to pop up everywhere, and since mining is a very male dominated field, guys go there after work to bond, and blah blah. I've been tol...
A. 5 June 2015: Hello I've never been to a strip club, have no interest in doing so and find the whole thing a bit, well, tacky. If others wish to go or women (assuming by free choice) wish to work in such an industry then that's their business but personally I... (read in full...)
Would you ever ask your spouse to take a lie detector test?
Q. If you thought that your spouse was cheating on you or was doing something weird but never had any evidence except weird behavior and lack of affection. Would you ask them to take a lie detector test? Why or why not? No missing time. No...
A. 4 June 2015: If you feel the need for a lie detector test then really the relationship is over as their is no trust. If you need a scientific, formal test to be able to trust your partner then that, in my opinion, is more than the beginning of the end. Sorry but ... (read in full...)
Can women realistically start a family past 30?
Q. I suppose the purpose of this question is to hear from women who have started a family after the age of 30. Those of you in the UK might have seen that a top fertility doctor has just said publicly that women who want kids should try before t...
A. 2 June 2015: Some great comments on here. You mention a "top fertility doctor" but he sounds more like a quack to me. Certainly after around 30 a woman's fertility will decline and the chances of complications rise BUT you wont wake up on the morning of your ... (read in full...)
Should I be settling down?
Q. I'm 23 years old and I still like going out and enjoying myself. All my friends are settling down with their boyfriends, moving in together or having children. I just don't feel ready for all of this! I still live at home with my parents although I ...
A. 25 May 2015: Hi Settle down when YOU feel ready. Committing to a house, a child or marriage is a huge emotional and financial investment. One not to be made to please or gain the approval of others or to compete with friends. Sadly on some level at ... (read in full...)
Am I going to look back and regret settling with a guy 16 years older than me?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm hoping to gain some advice away from the judgements of my family. I met a guy through my work who asked for my number, we text for quite sometime and found we had so many similar interests and outlooks- it kind of felt like f...
A. 15 May 2015: Hi Lets put the age gap to one side for a moment. If your BF gets verbally aggressive with people for showing you attention then that's a big red flag. Aggression of any kind in a person is not good and although it can be flattering to a young ... (read in full...)
What do you think about coincidences?
Q. I know , it's i not about relationships, but maybe I will find some good answers. So I'm a very logical person, and studied science and psychology for many years. I m not religious. My biggest issue is , that coincidences are driving me crazy...
A. 10 May 2015: Hi Loved Code Worriers reponse. As a species, humans are actually very ill equipped to deal with probability and odds. Perhaps its our way of coping with the fact that the chances of me or you, us as a unique individual, being here at all ar... (read in full...)
Been dating for 2 years. I'm 19, so why are my parents being so weird about me having sex with my Bf?
Q. I am a 19 year old female and I've recently have been having sex with my boyfriend of 2 years. I lost my virginity to him. Yes, we are being safe and using both birth control and condoms. My parents recently found out because I have been spendi...
A. 10 May 2015: Hi there, Im sorry you are having this issue. Im sure its frustrating and causing embarrassment. Although I agree with the other responses that your parents are being over bearing, I also appreciate that for some parents it is hard to accep... (read in full...)
I don't want people to ''find'' me and ''add'' me. Why are Social Networks so important to everyone? Can I decline gracefully at work?
Q. Why is everyone so obsessed with social media and networks. I've just started a new job and genuinely the first thing this girl said was do you have Facebook? I find it ridiculous that I should have to be 'friends' with people I don't want as ...
A. 2 May 2015: Bloody social media! I went on Facebook a few years back for the first time and within minutes (I have a common surname) I had received umpteen friend requests from total strangers who clearly just wanted to raise their self worth by having more ... (read in full...)
How can I politely deal with people who offer their advice on whether we are having a boy or a girl?
Q. Ok, so my fiance I have been thrilled to be expecting our first child. We dont want to find out what we are having because I cant wait for that moment when the doc says "its a..." when it is born, but I have had a lot of people who dont seem to get ...
A. 28 April 2015: There is no way anyone can tell if you are having a boy or a girl without ultrasound scans. HOWEVER - some people like to big themselves up by making out they have some kind of "special power" to pick up on these things. In the same way that lo... (read in full...)
Am I mad to keep thinking of a friend from childhood?
Q. There is something going on my head that is making me want to contact this bloke I knew from School years. We were really young when we first met, both went to the same pre-school, then kindergarten, etc, pretty much stayed together all the way thro...
A. 19 April 2015: Hello
I do think what your experiencing is very common: when we get to our 30s life can suddenly seem a bit empty at times or disappointing. There can often be a sense of "is this it?" after the big plans and dreams we had in our early twenties... (read in full...)
Can someone explain it to me? Why would a girl subject herself to being used and discarded?
Q. I have a friend who has the most uncanny ability to be a jerk to specifically women he just hooks up with and still have them at his beck and call. I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's the weirdest dynamic I've ever seen. Most recently, he had a...
A. 19 April 2015: Your post reminds me of my brother - My brother treats girls like shit yet they come back for more every time. He is sooooo fake, so smarmy and so obviously putting on an act yet grown women, attractive, intelligent women fall for his charms left, ... (read in full...)
I feel he has crossed an invisible barrier somehow.
Q. Please help. Apologies for the length of this but I want to give some detail so you can give better advice. The problem is that my new relationship is going rapidly downhill and I don’t know why. I’m starting to wonder if my new partner might be...
A. 18 April 2015: Firstly, at his age (assuming is similar to yours), to tell you after a MONTH that he wants to marry you and have you children is a big red flag. After several relationship which clearly ended badly and, with respect, having seemingly got involved ... (read in full...)
Why is it so difficult to meet women on a dating site?
Q. My name is Ryan and I'm wondering why it's so difficult for me to meet a woman from a dating site. I know they are being very careful cause of not knowing me well enough still I don't understand why so many of them are like that Another question I ha...
A. 14 April 2015: Men outnumber women on dating sites by around 8:1. Women on those site will receive many messages from many men, with the majority being either rude, a clear an attempt at getting sex, a quick message that lacks personality or effort, cheesy or just ... (read in full...)
My ex cannot stand to see me after 9 years? Why is he like this?
Q. I have a question about my ex. I ended the relationship back in 2004 because of how he treated me, he was 20 at the time and I think a lot had to do with his lack of maturity. When we broke up, things were a bit convoluted. We agreed to be friends ...
A. 11 April 2015: Hi I think you need to see the relationship you had with this man for what it was: a teenage relationship that didn't last the transition into adulthood. Many of us have relationship in our late teens and/or early twenties that we see at th... (read in full...)
He wants casual but I want a relationship, should I give him what he wants?
Q. I feel like im loosing my mind. I met a mysterious guy and we got on so well, he told me he felt comfortable around me, making me feel relieved and srawn even cloaer to him, but recently he told me he only wanted a casual relationship.I'm 18 and ...
A. 11 April 2015: No! No ! NO! Please don't make the mistake of sleeping with this guy as he has made it crystal clear he only wants casual sex. If you sleep with him, and give up your virginity to him, he wont then change his mind and form a relationship with ... (read in full...)
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