A
female
age
30-35,
*onderingaboutlove2
writes:So i've been talkign to this guy for months now, and this is our story.i met him in college when i started this year, and we've been friends for awhile. but i'm not sure that i can call ourselves friendly at this point.we've grown pretty close, but here's the problem.about a month ago, a classmate teased him about having a girlfriend, and he said he doesnt have one nor does he have time for one cause he's trying to focus on his studies, etcbut then on the same night, we go on this field trip and we go in his ride with another group partner for a project and the guy sat in the backseat and me in the passenger. he was a lot more talkative, and he also showed a little more of his daring side. and then when we got out to do more work on our project and i was trying to see how the project was going, he put his hand on the small of back, lower but not so low for me to think that he wanted sex from me. it was right in the middle. then when we got back from our field trip n back to class after eating at a nice little mexican restaraunt after we finished our work... he was a little more aggressive with me, teasing me. i sat a few feet away from him next to hi station, and he pulled my chair near him saying, "you know i dont bite right?" and i said yeah, i was just in the moment, etc. and he treats me like a girlfriend, too. he opens the door for me n waits on me when its time to go home, he stopped telling me about other girls months ago, even on another field trip before the one we had together he dropped his head and didnt even look at another girl when she passed by him wearing shorts. and he got really alarmed when three teenage guys (who look a bit older) got around me for another project we didnt before that.why does he say he's not ready for a girlfriend but treats me like one? i hope its not because months ago i told him that it was too much drama to have one. My feelings have changed a lot since then.here's the rest of the story so it all makes sense.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/everythings-been-going-good-so-far-should-i.htmlcopy and paste
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 November 2012):
 hi
Sounds to me like he's ambitious and very focused on his studies. Which is better than a guy who gives you 24/7 attention but is failing in all his grades.
Also he may be one of those very cautious guys who likes to observe the girl's behaviour before he shows his hand.
If he is extra courteous around all the girls then the above theory (re particular attraction to you) is blown out the water.
But if it is you who he is extra coureous to then you definitely have a good chance.
When you see him next try to share lunch with him. Get on to talking about where he wants his life to go? What work is he most passionate about getting into? Flirt with your eyes and smile at him.
Maybe next time he goes home for the weekend let him know, 'oh, gee I'm going to miss you, hurry back' and smile.
And next time he talks after a bit of a gap, then try saying, 'so good to see you. I thought maybe you'd forgotten me?' said with a smile.
When you next have a vacation try to see if you can talk to him about scheduling some time together.
My only concern is this: does he have a sweetheart at home who he's keeping on ice. So discover this maybe, if you have plenty of time to talk, for instance if you get to share lunch one day, ask him, 'did you ever get a major crush on a girl when you were at school?' if he says yes then ask about her. For you underplay any previous crush. If he asks it's OK for you to blush, look uncomfortable and say, 'well not back then did I have a major crush.' I think you need to act with finesse to flush out this guy's feelings. If he really likes you (i'm thinking maybe yes he does) then he certainly keeps his cards very close to his chest.
Maybe another girl hurt him a lot in the past?
Let him come to the realisation that he likes you.
Let him reach out to ask you out.
A
female
reader, wonderingaboutlove2 +, writes (17 November 2012):
wonderingaboutlove2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your suggestions. he tends to be a very private person, and does really well when its just us. however now my feelings are overwhelmed and i feel like i've fallen in *you know what* which makes me even more scared due to past issues with other guys. i have a life of my own, fulfilling and all, but i feel like it drives me crazy now that the time we used to spend together in school has a even bigger gap in it now. sometimes we go two and three weeks not speaking and i understand, its just eating away at me to act like everythings fine when its not. sometimes at the end of the weeks he'll always make sure to say something to me before he goes home for the weekend, or will try to open the door for me if he has time between his crazy work schedule to do it, and i let him :) he does try to do something to let me know he hasnt forgotten about me. i guess i'm just scared sometimes is all.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 October 2012):
Some guys like to keep their private life private. Not everyone wants the whole world to know exactly when and where and how and in what way and why they have feelings for a person.
Once his behaviour would be described as the mark of a gentleman in not revealing his hand to those who have no right to know.
At the same time look at the man's actions. He likes you, he seeks you out and he is flirting with you.
I think he is the sort of private man who would not want you canvassing opinions from your fellow students. I think he would prefer you to ask him, face to face, but in a private setting, "Are you flirting with me?" and smile when you say it.
And, when the time is right, weave into the conversation that your feelings have changed in that you are prepared to consider having a boyfriend now.
if he is serious about you he will regard that as a "yes" from you that you do like him. He has already revealed to you that "yes" he does like you.
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