A
male
age
36-40,
*ogan24
writes:I recently proposed to my girlfriend who said yes. Our wedding is in March and she just finally told me that she doesn't like her ring because people don't know it's an engagement ring when they see it and it won't match her dress and clothes. It's a $10,000 ring, natural pink diamond that I bought at an auction from Australia. 3/4 karat vs1 in a white gold band with 7 diamonds on each side. It's light pink and really looks incredible. I went through a ton of trouble to get it and it seems she doesn't even care. I've never seen a materialistic side of her until this. She brought me to look at rings before and I had a great idea of what she wanted and then went and made it better. Her favorite color is pink so what the hell. She's asking for a white stone now, do I just suck it up and get her the white stone and sell the ring that I picked out specifically for her, or ask her to wear it? I'm not an overly emotional guy, but this rejection of something I thought was very special is gut wrenching.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 October 2012):
 That sounds like a very classy ring. Demonstrating that you have extremely good taste..... in choosing a superb ring.
And it was unique. People who love good jewellery know that Pink Diamonds are much rarer than white. And Pink Diamonds are more likely to be mined responsibly. Which is not the case with many white diamonds.
Pity she is not on the same page as you.
Finding this out could be a warning that that there may be more conflicts between her and you in the future.
Some people like quality.
Other people just like Big Bigger BIGGEST and brassy (forget quality, they are into the SIZE of the gem).
Maybe a Cubic Zircona, a very very BIG Cubic Zircona may have suited her tastes better?
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 I am sorry to hear that she turned out to be this way. The only consolaton is that it is good you discovered who she truly is before you married her. Now you got a better picture of her personality, and can make a more informed decision on what to do next.
You say there is no point in further advice on this issue, do you mean that you and her broke things off? Was it because of the ring, did she throw it away because of the colour of the diamond? Regardless, that was very disrespectful of her, and I support your decision in not wanting to accept such behaviour.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): OP take a step back and breath for a moment. This side to her you've just seen may be cold feet, you don't suddenly become shicked by a different side to a person after 5 years because it's not a side to her OP, it's more likely a temporary mental thing and very possibly stress and pressure of the wedding.
As for the ring, OP no matter how much thought effort, money you put into getting that if she doesn't like it then you have to change it. OP you're not the one who has to wear something on your finger every day for the rest of your life thta you hate. It's too important that she like it, maybe it would grow on her eventually but it's obviously such a big deal at the moment that you're at each others throats over it. It's just a ring, get her a different one. This may all stem from the idea of having to look at that ring every day for the rest of her life being too horrible for her. It's not your ring, it was for her.
I recently found an emerald platinum ring with diamonds for my girlfriend for when I propose at xmas. 60k is a fucking ridiculous price that I never thought I'd pay for something like that but it's beyond perfect and not just in my view, my girlfriend loves emeralds, has always talked about having an emerald engagement ring and she's been sneakily leaving an engagement ring website open on our shared computers browser for me to see and this is almost the exact same as hyer favourite one apart from it's not white gold and is about 55k more expensive. The only thing she won't like is how much I paid for it, frankly she'll find it a bit embarrassing telling people how much it cost but I can easily afford it and she'll come around once she sees how many people gush over it, I've already consulted some of her friends and they're blown away by it. But you know what, if the same thing happens with us, I'll take it back in an instant, I'll throw it in a river and spend another 60+k on a new one if that's what it takes for her to have something on her finger that makes her gush with pride just looking at it. OP that is a physical representation of you on her finger, it has to be something she loves to look at.
"I doubt many people would tolerate such an act."
I wouldn't but it's just a damn ring and my girlfriend of 7 years is an amazing person, gentle, kind and insanely loving, for her to act that way or do something like that her head must be in some awful place, so I would not give up on her for that. I would fight for her. OP it sounds to me like what happened is out of character for your girlfriend, so you need to calm down and start trying to find a way of resolving this. Seriously 5 years you damn well know a person, you would have seen this side to her before if it was actually a side to her. You felt this woman was one for the rest of your life, can't just let that go based on such a tough period.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 OP, would you care to elaborate ?.. I did not understand what you mean. When did all this happen ?...
When you say you went to a NY auction for the center diamond , are you still referring to the original pink diamond, or to a new stone ?
What rule was it that she broke or you broke ? What did you argue about, still the wretched ring or something else ?
Only if you don't mind of course. But I guess I am not the only Aunt confused by the succession, and reason, of the events. If nothing else because if everything went fine for years and years, it sound strange to break up over a ring, no matter how expensive,,,,
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 October 2012):
 I'm sorry she is being a brat. I wish you well. With or without her.
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male
reader, logan24 +, writes (23 October 2012):
logan24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt may not sound like much to some, but I did in fact go to a diamond auction in NYC to buy the center diamond, I live quite far from NY. I suppose it doesn't mean much anymore since she broke the only rule I ever made for myself during our engagement/marriage. She got angry and took the ring off and threw it to the ground, taking me roughly an hour to find in the rain. I doubt many people would tolerate such an act. The past several weeks have certainly shown me a different side of someone I thought I knew. I've been working away from home for 3 weeks at a time at a very tough and physically demanding job to pay for the ring and wedding, and after these most recent events can't see things progressing past this. Thank you all for your advice and support, god bless.Logan P. P.S.I'm sure that there are many fake posts on many websites, but this was the first and only thing I have ever posted. Unfortunately any advice from this point forward is irrelevant considering recent events. Thank you very much for any and all posts regarding my question, I sincerely appreciate it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): My mom was gifted by my dad for their 25th wedding anniversary with a deep sea pearl with small diamond earrings+ ring set, worth around 50k. What did my mom do? Had my dad return it and give her the cash...
Materialistic? Nah, he wanted to give that amount anyway.
Thoughtless? Maybe, on the pov of my dad it was lol; but on my mom's pov she hated how it was designed (she doesn't wear dangling styles) and said that even if she kept it she wouldn't be caught dead wearing it, in the end she was happier with the money when they used it for a trip abroad and a kitchen upgrade.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 October 2012):
Your girlfriend is too affected by her surroundings. If OTHERS aren't happy with her ring then she isn't happy with it. OTHERS don't think it's an engagement ring, and that is why she is bothered... It's so childish, really. What matters is that SHE likes it, and everyone else can take a walk a certain place. It appears she only cares about what others have to say, nowwhere does she mention if SHE actually likes it or not... It's a very shallow thing, because it means you vcalue the opinion of others over your own opinion. This sort of mentality is also classified as the "herd" mentality. You do what everyone else do, or tell you to do, rather than THINK for yourself and do what YOU want to do. But then again, if this is the only time she's shown such immaturity and lack if independent thoughts... then maybe let it slide. She'll regret it later on in life, but that'll be for her to regret then. And in the years to come, it'll be water under the bridge. Tell her she can sell the ring herself, get a new one herself. This is the ring you gave her, if she doesn't want what YOU gave her, but rather what OTHER PEOPLE want her to wear, then she is free to do that. But this is the ring you have given her, and you will not give her a new one. If she wants another ring she can get it herself. And anyway, whatever replacement she gets, or even if she just changes the stone, she will always know that it isn't the REAL ring you gave her... it'll be a replacement. Tell her this, and hear what she has to say about it. If she changes the ring, or the stone, she'll always know that it is a replacement and not the original ring. And as such, any new ring would not be the actual engagement ring, but a phony thing she got to satisfy other people. Anyway, I would tell her to get her own ring if she doesn't want the one you gave her. She can pay for the new one herself, and she can pick it out on her own, and get the exact ring she wants. Then EVERYONE ELSE will see it is an engagement ring, but the meaning will be completely lost. See what option she goes for. Ring that LOOKS like an engagement ring to everyone else, but has no meaning, or a real engagement ring that to everyone else doesn't look like it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Keep in mind, she's going to be wearing this ring the rest of her life so it should be something she loves and feels good about. This was what my now husband told repeatedly before he proposed...he picked out the ring himself but wanted some guidelines on what I would be comfortable with and didn't deviate from it. Mutual decisions that require hearing the other person out without judgement, open communication, and honesty are going to be the cornerstone of any successful marriage and it starts before the actual wedding!Pink is my favorite colour too but personally not for an engagement ring. Not because I'm the expert over you, but because your fiance sounds like many women, like myself, who prefer a more tradional, classic look with the white diamond. Plus, this is the type of ring you both agreed upon. In my experience, men have the best intentions picking out a ring, but they fail to consider many factors...what color looks best on a woman's skin tone, what will emphasise her features the most, what her personal tastes are (and listening to them!), and what she will feel good about wearing in every social situation in the future. These aren't things men think about when they shop for themselves, I know, but women do. I'm sure this is why you took her ring shopping? Men and women are so different. When my husband saw the pictures of emerald cut rings, his response was, "you want a square?" I have long thin fingers and anything but a simple solitaire would be too bulky, and I would have had the discussion with him if he bought something else, like your fiance did and that would have been really stressful! One of the reasons I married my husband was because of how considerate he is. I can't say at any point in our dating, relationship, or marriage has he ever put me in a situation where he asks specifically what I want and then disregards it...especially on major purchase.While we were dating, he bought me a diamond solitaire necklace. Not my style or the type of necklace I would pick out for myself but it was a gift he picked out and it was a surprise! I wear it all the time and I adore it...it's just a necklace. Had he taken me jewelry shopping though, I honestly would have been hurt or pissed if he came back with something TOTALLY different.Why bother involving me then and asking my input???!! A pink diamond is something TOTALLY different, FYI!I don't want to be as harsh to say you disrespected what the two of you agreed upon, but you did choose to make YOUR OWN independent decision on what you think she'd look best in AFTER involving her in the decision. Not that that's a problem when it's a surprise proposal, but you took this woman ring shopping!!! In marriage, men tend to feel unappreciated and women tend to feel not listened to. This would be a classic example. I'd suck it up and give her something that reflects her preferences since you did ask for them.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 October 2012):
OP, while there's no law that says an engagement ring must be white, and while a blue sapphire was good enough for the Princess of Wales, right ?,... that's not the point , the point is that your fiancee wanted something that screamed, that yelled " I am engaged "- a little vanity that though is also very flattering to you, she wants the whole world to know.
Having a ring on your left ring finger does NOT necessarily mean you are engaged, I wear a square emerald but I am not engaged, my 80something mom wears an aquamarine and she is not engaged either, as far as I know :).
As for seeing that's a diamond, hey it's pink, how would people know ?, I am quite into jewelry ( more as a window shopper than as a jewelry owner, but still... ) yet I have never seen a pink diamond, if I'd see it I'd probably take it for a tormaline or any of the countless stones that are used for costume jewels.
All's well that ends well, and ,seen the context of your generally good relationship, you don't need at all to take this ring fiasco too hard, or to make it a dealbreaker , and I think you have found a very good solution to your dilemma.
Now take this as a lesson learned : if you have to choose something for the couple, - the new sofa, the family car , the family dog...- your input is mandatory ( whether it is appreciated or not :) and your tastes need to be taken into account.
If it's something for her , a gift for HER only... then make sure that she can have EXACTLY what she wants, not your new and improved version.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Very special for whom? For her or for the people looking at the diamond?
She showed you what she liked. She is the one who will wear the ring. Either she wears the ring or she will choose to put it in the vault.
Pick out the new ring together.
If you two let a stone/ring choice collapse a five year relationship, then perhaps, it wasn't a stable and lasting relationship to begin with.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 October 2012):
 how about just replacing the center stone with a new white diamond and putting the pink diamond in the vault so that in a few years you can make an anniversary ring out of it for her?
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male
reader, logan24 +, writes (16 October 2012):
logan24 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, thank you all for all your responses. I can see some of the flaws that I made, especially in deciding that I made it better. Perhaps better wasn't the right term, I just wanted it to be very special and it wasn't easy finding a stone like that. The pink stone was the only modification that I made from what she had shown me previously, other than the budget which went quite a bit over, considering I had to save for 2 years to justify buying it. She has said that no one knows that it is an engagement ring and that bothers her, however I find it hard that no one knows that when it's clearly a diamond ring on her left ring finger. She says that it is a beautiful ring, but because it's not a white diamond she feels like it's not a REAL engagement ring. It sucks that she feels this way, but I'm not the one who has to wear it my whole life. She has said she feels bad about it but can't help feeling that way. So maybe I just keep the ring in a lock box at the bank as a great investment and go buy an identical white diamond ring for 25% of the price. We've been together for 5 years now so it's not a deal breaker and is quite out character of her. Thanks again for all your responses and male/female perspectives on this, I appreciate the helpful comments.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): I m in jewellery business, and I have seen it all. We've delt with many people exactly in your situation, and my experience tells me : do what your bride tells you to do. Its never a good idea to go with your own choice, how you call it improvement. When it comes to engagement rings, let your bride have it her own way. And I m sure she appreciates the money and the effort, but she deserves to have what she wants.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (16 October 2012):
 I'm with KC on this one, I'm torn. At first I thought, how could she?? But the more I thought about it I know I wouldn't want a pink diamond engagement ring, and it's my favorite color. Nor am I materialistic by any means, my engagement ring is a 1/2 carat and cost under 1000. My choice, I'm not one to spend a ton of money on jewelry and a wedding. BUT if my husband put so much thought and effort into it I would find it very very difficult to tell him I want something else. I can picture now what I would tell him "Baby I love the ring you picked out... I feel terrible for feeling this way because I love pink and you knew that and chose this for me... But I have always wanted a white diamond because its traditonal. I don't know if I want to take this back because you spent so much time and effort picking it out and I love that you would do that for me, but at the same time I always wanted a more traditonal white stone so what do we do?" that's honest and exactly how I would feel, I wouldn't know what to do next because it's not only about color and what I want, it's the emotion and thought behind it all.
So I am curious, how did she tell you? Did she feel badly about not liking the ring or was it more of a demanding selfish- I want what I want! Type of attitude? I think that makes all the difference. As long as she was grateful for your work and effort and does love the ring and everything you did to get it but wanted to be honest, and even though it hurts her, she would prefer a white stone. That doesn't make her a bad person. Now telling you she doesn't like it because it doesn't match and she wants a white stone, now take it back- and that's essentially all that was said, well shes a materialistic brat and you should take a step back and think about this. If its simply about color and she understands and appreciates your time and effort then give it a chance and decide what to do with the ring.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): Your ring sounds beautiful - 3/4 karat vs1 in a white gold band with 7 diamonds on each side & the center diamond is light pink.
However,
ITS NOT AN ENGAGEMENT RING. At least not to today's standards. It looks more like costume jewelry.
If you two looked at rings before, you understood what her taste was, why would you buy something 'better'? This is a ring that will be on her finger forever, why does it have to be something you like?
Pink being her favorite color is cute and all, but not for an engagement ring! Engagement rings are for women, not for little girls that like pink. It's suppose to be traditional and classic.
I wouldn't sell this ring. Keep it. Use the diamonds to make a pendant for her. Buy her another ring, exactly what she would love to wear for the rest of her life. This is your first test as a husband to be, listen, communicate and resolve the situation.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 I'm really on the fence about this - on the one hand I can see where she is coming from, especially about it not going with all of her clothes, yet on the other hand she really doesnt appreciate all the effort you went to to get her this ring.
My favourite colour is purple, so would I want an amethyst in my engagement ring? No, it wouldnt go with everything I wear so just because its my favourite colour doesnt mean I'd want to wear it every day in my engagement ring. I'd prefer a white diamond because it goes with everything.
However, would I be able to hurt the man I want to marry so much by telling him in such a blunt and nasty way that I dont like the ring? No, I couldnt do it either, especially when you went to so much effort and expense for her.
There is no right or wrong answer here - she is being shallow, but she does have a point. I think you need to sit down and talk to her, tell you how hurt you are because of this and explain to her in detail the effort you went to for this ring. Perhaps a compromise could be that you replace the pink diamond for a white one, meaning she keeps the ring itself and just replaces the diamond in the middle, not the rest of the ring?
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 October 2012):
I started to answer this last night but I hate being the first answer… and guess what I’m glad I waited… because I have a totally different view point…
She is young and foolish and does not understand what an engagement ring signifies… or that diamonds are NEW to engagement rings… here’s the wiki on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring
If you two went shopping and you knew what she liked, and yet you still “improved” on it… I fail to see how you can blame HER for your error…. Yes you TRIED to do better… you didn’t. Get used to it. You will never be right if you try to improve on what she knows she likes and wants.
It does not matter how much you spent on it… what matters is she knew what she wanted and liked and you did not pay attention to that…
When my parents got engaged back in 1957, my dad took my mom to the diamond district in NY and picked out a 1 carat perfect blue white diamond (which now sits in my engagement ring) and my mother was sad. She wanted a BIGGER stone because all her girlfriends had bigger stones… my father wisely told her “you many have a bigger stone BUT it will not be of the quality this stone is”… mom wisely choose the smaller stone… that was nearly 60 years ago… and like I said the stone now is the center point of MY engagement ring….
The key was HE KNEW what was the right thing to do but he was willing to let her make her own choice…. YOU did not give her a choice…
PINK is a rare diamond and she is afraid folks will think it’s not a diamond… and perhaps that it does not LOOK like an engagement ring… the reason we use diamonds is because they are hard enough to withstand not being removed for tasks like bathing or cleaning whereas softer gemstones will be damaged…. And also diamonds were until the early 1900’s or so only available to the very rich…
I agree that this side of her is disconcerting but she had an image and a dream and now she has to revamp it… I can promise you that planning of this wedding will be stressful and I’m betting she will be the bridezilla from hell…. DO IT HER WAY to keep her happy.
As for what to do now… you go to her and you say “darling, I blew it… I THOUGHT I was doing the right thing by getting this very rare and expensive diamond in your favorite color and I’m sorry I was a JERK for trying to do better… Let’s sell this ring we can probably get half of what I paid for it and I can buy you that white solitaire you really want. I’m SORRY” the key is she must know that selling the stone now will not be financially prudent.
OR you could tell her that you will buy her the ring she really really wants for your first or fifth anniversary…..
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 October 2012):
I suggest you say "Okay honey. If you do not like the ring I got you, you are free to sell it and buy yourself a new one".
I don't think she'll actually dare do it. And I think, if she changes the stone, she will regret it later on.
Then again, like Cindy said... You don't go out and make her dream ring "better". She already had an ideal in mind, changing that ideal isn't "better". By doing so it is like you claim to know her mind better than she knows it herself, that you somehow are capable of thinking for her. Are you also going to tell her what to like, do and eat? Maybe she likes vanilla ice cream, but you think chocolate would be "better"?
No, you didn't make anything better, and you had no grounds to improve her mind. But then again, the ring sounds lovely to me, and your girlfriend sounds very picky. But if this is the only thing she has ever been materialistic and picky about then maybe let it slide. She obviously had a clear thing in mind, and does not agree with your "improvement" of her ideal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): The ring isn't what keeps you married its the love. The meaning behind the ring you gave her should be more than enough than whatever else she wants...you both need to communicate and come to a mutual agreement but neither of you just settle. Communicate and compromise. You'll need to learn that it will help when you're actually married....
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (16 October 2012):
 Here's the thing, a woman's wedding ring/engagement ring is huge for them and usually it's best to let them pick it out. It rarely ever works out when the man picks the ring because you really have no idea what kind of Cinderella thing she's had in her head since she was 5. If you can return the ring do so. If you cannot, then sell it at the next auction and hopefully you recover what you paid and then I would take her ring shopping and let her pick out the ring of her dreams. Obviously money is no object for you. But I think you'll be surprised by what she picks out. And FYI, women can be very traditional about their rings, which I think a pink engegement ring just didn't fit the mold. I'm sure it's a breathtakingly beautiful, but she has to wear it and look at it every day, it really has to be something she picks out and loves. Good luck.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 October 2012):
The girl is coming off as bratty and looking real bad, so I want to try being the devil's advocate and champion her cause.. even if I see it's sort of a desperate endeavour :)
While personally I think I would not have had the nerve to ask for the ring to be changed, I can understand her dismay and disappointment. You went together to see engagement rings, she has shown what she liked, you MUST ( or you should , if you weren't a man, LOL ) have gotten also the very concept behind her preferences - i.e. that she wanted the ring to look unmistakably like an engagement ring, to show it off to friends and acquaintances, a little forgivable vanity that most girls have - and you go and make it "better " . Better for whom ? If it's not something like she has shown you, it's just different, not better. You must have looked at maybe 50 white stones, she never indicated that she'd like another colour- and you go and buy a pink ring ?? She wanted an engagement ring, you get her something that clearly does not spell out engagement.... might as well having got her a bracelet or a necklace,then. Nice, precious, exquisite if you wish... but not fit for the occasion.
Why bringing her along windowshopping in the first place, if then you have to go and pick something of YOUR liking ? She must have felt ignored and dismissed by a daddy-fiance' who knows what's best for her.
Also, it's not everyday that one gets such an expensive gift, and the thought of all that money spent ... on something she hates and it's not going to wear, must be maddening. It's like being given a supercostly mink coat- two sizes too small.Big downer.
Or, better example. Suppose you have a very rich fiance' that wants to buy you a fancy car. Ok, you'd like something sporty, sleek, aggressive ... a Corvette... a Jaguar...
She comes home with an impressive, sturdy, stately Rolls Royce or Bentley, and says ,hey, this is much "better", and it costs twice as much than what you had in mind, what are you bitching about , you ungrateful brat ?!
Yes, if she had kept her mouth shut, .. it would have shown more class and more sensitivity, after all an engagement ring is a symbol, what colour or shape it is should not matter . Then again, I understand that she may feel sha has not been listened to at all, and that took the joy out of the gift.
If you want to sell the ring or not , it's totally up to you, but please do not insist to make her wear the pink one if she does not like it- you don't want a symbol of love and committment to become the symbol of miscommunnication and power struggle, do you ?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 October 2012):
 She seems a bit ignorant as to what an engagement ring "should" look like. I know that there's a fashion for solitaire diamonds now but that's not always been the case. I've seen plenty of engagement rings like the one you describe; a coloured stone surrounded by diamonds. The ring you describe sounds beautiful btw, and it's a one off.
Maybe she's listening to those around her too much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): I was in your fiances position, oh just 1 year ago. We just got married September 15th! yeay!My ring too was 10k, I gave him ideas of what I liked in the year before the proposal. He did beautifully, but I remember seeing the ring for the first time as he was on one knee and thinking "wow its small". LOL. I became a monster!Honestly it doesn't mean anything. For some reason, some of us girls who have dreamed of the 'perfect' ring just go a little nutty once we get it. We start comparing to what others have, what we originally liked...and then added with the pressures of the wedding, it all just gets nutty.I am very very regretful - I was so immature about it and ended up having my fiance upgrade the ring :( It became a bigger version of the original, costing 15K. Honestly, I didn't think of the sentiment behind the ring, I just wanted my dream ring. It wasn't till after the new ring was built and paid for that I realized what I had done.I hurt my fiance. He tried not to show it, but when I finally came back to the ground, I grew very embarrassed about the whole situation. I can't believe my greed and selfish behavior. I can't believe that I got rid of the original ring! I must be nutty :(On the one hand - now I have the ring of my dreams. On the other, I carry so much guilt. My fiance is relaxed and happy about the whole situation now, but he doesn't love this ring the way he did the original. I don't even love it like I loved the original!I think I made a mistake.However, in the last year we've talked to many people about their rings. Do you realize how many women change their engagement rings or later upgrade??? SO MANY! Many people don't admit to it either, because again, it's not something to be proud of. Out of 20 women we asked, I think at least 12/13 had their rings changed or upgraded. It was startling.Have your fiance read my note here. Honey, it might not be 100% what would look perfect with everything, but its perfect because it was given in love from the man you will marry. In your old age, you will look down at your elderly finger, see the ring as beautiful as ever and remember that once a young handsome man thought so much of you, he gave you that specific ring. Forget fashion (this coming from a big city fashionista), forget comparing to other women, forget that other women change/upgrade their engagement rings. Love your ring, it's the only one you'll hopefully ever get. Be proud of it and what it means. This amazing guy bought you a beautiful ring symbolizing how he feels about you. If you let this ring go, no other will come with the sentiment attached. It'll just be a piece of jewelry. Trust me, this is coming from experience. Okay best of luck you two! BTW, this doesn't mean she isn't a keeper or you shouldn't marry her. Its a weird girl thing + immaturity.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): I acknowledge your feelings of hurt and disappointment. But this topic is worth a discussion before condeming and critising her. Just maybe if you told her the price and effort you went through to get the ring and it was all about pleasing her and not the people. SHe just might be someone that is not from a well off background and wants to show off and ofcourse some jealous people are making her think the ring is not classy and expensive. All I am saying is talk and hear her out.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 October 2012):
 I suppose that some would applaud her for being forthright and telling you honestly what she thinks. I do know people who prefer to live their lives that way, let the chips fall where they may.
Personally what she's said to you seems to just really start the marriage off on the wrong foot. It says that she values appearance over emotion. Rather than being grateful that you gave her a ring at all, let alone the effort, thought and expense you put in to it, she has some other set of expectations in mind.
This may be a one-off. But I'd be wondering just how hard she's going to be to please in a relationship that supposed to last the rest of your lives. A successful marriage means a hundred comprimises a day, countless white lies, and a genuine willingness to take your partner's feelings into account and get along. While I hate to read too much into this, if I were your best man I'd be suggesting you step back and take a closer look. And no, I wouldn't get her a different ring.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): your gesture, all the trouble you went through and spending 10 k in a ring should show your gf the appreciation you feel for her, I at least think so and even if I didn't like the ring I'd still wear it anyway... I'd take the ring back, sell it and give her a much cheaper white diamond.
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female
reader, fireball +, writes (16 October 2012):
 She's being unreasonable. Ask her to wear it.
I think in such a circumstance, it is worth having a 'talk' with her about.
Now on the flip side, and maybe this is getting more to the motive behind HER reaction... Maybe it isn't the ring she's not appreciative about. Maybe....just MAYBE she doesn't appreciate the fact that you never paid enough attention to what SHE wanted - - - since afterall, you said you went ring shopping together, and she gave you an idea of what she liked....than you went and bought something YOUR style.
Either way, it deserves a discussion.
I commend you personally on making such an effort to stun her. You had good intentions, I can tell.
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reader, matt42 +, writes (16 October 2012):
Personally if I bought a girl I loved a ring and she was swallow enough to say she didnt like it I think I would reconsider the next step in my life with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): Please don't take this the wrong way, but your GF needs to keep her mouth closed and be happy that you spent 10K on a ring. She needs to defend that ring and tell people who don't know that it's a ring that it is her engagement ring and that she LOVES it.
The ring is not important - the symbolism is. You are asking for her hand in marriage, not for the approval of other people's viewpoint on the ring, nor whether it matches a dress or not.
She needs to show a little more appreciation. You need to convey to her the lengths you wen to get her that stone, and how much it costs. It is a gift from YOU symbolizing a commitment - not a JC Penny scarf that you use a gift receipt on.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 October 2012):
Wow. IMHO the GUY picks the engagement ring and the couple picks the wedding bands together.
I could understand if you gave a ring from a bubblegum machine but it's 10K right that YOU picked you for HER with HER in mind.
Honestly I think she sounds rather ungrateful.
Not sure what I would do in your position to be frank, I amazed at how rude people can be towards their loved ones.
The engagement ring my husband bought me was SO not my style either, but I wear it, because HE BOUGHT it for me. I did however pick my wedding band and perhaps they don't go together like peas and carrots, but I don't care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): She sounds quite shallow. I bet the ring is beautiful, and it is even more special because you chose it for her. Any woman should be happy with that.
Does she know how much you spent on it? How much effort and thought you put into picking it out for her? She sounds really selfish.
You should take the ring back, and kick her out. She obviously values the opinions of others more than your own ("because people don't know it's an engagement ring when they see it").
I am sorry she is making you feel this way, you sound like a caring and thoughtful guy - you can do better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): Maybe I'm different, but if the man I loved put thought and invested $10,000 in a ring for me, I would love it.
It is a diamond wore on the left hand, if someone doesn't know its an engagement ring, so what, she does.
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