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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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I give them 110% but they still leave
Q. hi aunts and uncles, been a long time since i have been on here. i was left for a yonger woman, and thought it to be not right. i waited two years to get out and meet other guys, i finally met a guy who ended up being 18 years younger than me. we ...
A. 28 April 2014: One big rule: Never be the first girl he dates after his earlier break up.
No matter how good you are the guy will gain in confidence with you and then start to think he can do better. Far smarter to wait until a guy is thoroughly sick of dati... (read in full...)
Sex/Intercourse with a partner versus Head/Fellatio with a partner? Why can't I orgasm from the latter and prefer Intercourse instead?
Q. So is something wrong with me that I can't seem to come from getting head? I've only ever gotten it from my girlfriend (she's my first) and I never come from it, I got close once but generally it doesn't feel as good as sex. Is this normal? I me...
A. 27 April 2014: I suspect that this is being affected by more than one issue.
For instance :
1. The sex that you associate with the most pleasurable time with your first partner. This is like "patterning" with ducks. So what was the mind-blowing First time thi... (read in full...)
How do I handle this? My long term Bf cannot look me in the eye. He is also sleeping a lot. What could be wrong?
Q. I need some people to talk to please.. Ok now today my boyfriend wouldn't look at me all day. We been together half our life's i know something is wrong. But finding out what it is will be hard. He just keeps saying everything is fine nothing is w...
A. 27 April 2014: Try to keep calm, distressing as it is. Try not to jump to conclusions. If he is sleeping a lot then is he depressed? Is it time for him to have a full check up with the Doctor. You can suggest that without it seeming that you do not trust him.
L... (read in full...)
Dating just 3 weeks, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. Am I right to ask?
Q. I've been dating a guy whomImet online for about 3 weeks now and I'm finding that as we're getting to know each other, I'm discovering more and more things about him that don't match what I'm looking for. I'm a fairly private, reserved woman a...
A. 26 April 2014: Stop immediately as this man is a liar and a thief and a cheat. How do you know he is not juggling several other women? His stories are far fetched and fanciful.
If he posted junk like this as what he was involved in a DC question then it is like... (read in full...)
Too Good to be true? Yet he can be VERY controlling. To the point that he scares me sometimes. What to do?
Q. I would like some level-headed unbiased advice on this please. My boyfriend is so good in so many ways but a few traits let him down and I don't know whether these should be deal breakers. We've been together 2 years. I have two children from a...
A. 26 April 2014: like SageOldGuy I did not see your followup online until after I posted.
I am very sorry that you suffered abuse from your stepfather. This is a huge unacceptable burden imposed on your by that abuser. That abuse was never your fault and you must... (read in full...)
Too Good to be true? Yet he can be VERY controlling. To the point that he scares me sometimes. What to do?
Q. I would like some level-headed unbiased advice on this please. My boyfriend is so good in so many ways but a few traits let him down and I don't know whether these should be deal breakers. We've been together 2 years. I have two children from a...
A. 25 April 2014: you are already starting to have doubts, thank goodness. Controlling abusers are bad news. They go through cycles of domestic violence. Abusers can be male or female. At the very least an abuser with control issues will seek to control what you... (read in full...)
On and off for a few years, will it ever get serious?
Q. I have been on and off with this guy for a few years now. He's a great guy, he obviously has commitment issues. Do you guys ever hear or see an on and off relationship become solid? Or am I seriously wasting my time? Maybe it's the naïve girl in me ...
A. 21 April 2014: You are not dumb at all. You have just lost confidence in yourself. He is the "Known" as opposed to the "unknown". You have grown comfortable with him. You are available and convenient for him. If he found someone even more convenient then he ... (read in full...)
Fake friend puts on an act in front of people and puts me down!
Q. I have a friend who I've known for ten years (we're both 25). We both have long term partners and so don't see each other much with work commitments etc... However, when we do get together, (our partners get along well), whether it be out for a ...
A. 20 April 2014: Abusers can keep up a pretence for a while, but their true self comes out eventually. Even if she is consumed with secret self loathing for herself, that is not your problem.
People who actually hate themselves are often driven to put others d... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy who does drugs?
Q. Would this put you off someone ?. I met a guy recently. He seems really nice,and it seems like we have things in common, but something happened today which made me feel uncomfortable. I was in a pub with him. Another woman who was in the pub...
A. 12 April 2014: You are the company you keep. And the longer you spend time with them the more you become like the company you keep.
A nice young man who lives a peaceful life and does not associate with low life individuals is far less likely to have attr... (read in full...)
I have a massive crush on my much-older, married landlord. Would it be worth it if I could sleep with him just one night?
Q. Ok I don't know where to begin here but I have a massive crush on my landlord. Like I'm not saying I want to run of to the sunset and marry him lol, but I have fantasised sleeping with him! He's older than well by 20 years but looks like fecking ...
A. 28 March 2014: It will end in tears. He will no doubt use you for a while then discard you and find a way to end the lease. All the drama you are about bring upon yourself is not worth it.
He has probably done this before. And probably had women give him the ... (read in full...)
Hpv in a long term relationship. Is cheating involved?
Q. I am a 36 year old woman. I have been with my husband for four years. I have had regular Pap smears my entire life. I have been tested for hpv every single year since I was 28. My hpv tests have always come back negative. Last month, I ...
A. 27 March 2014: Genital human papillomavirus (also called HPV) is the most common sexually transmitted infection. But that does not make it any less distressing for you.
If a person is sexually active then it is very possible that they will come into contact ... (read in full...)
My Gf finds flatulence disgusting. I am afraid to share a bed with her because of it. What can I do?
Q. i cant sleep at night with my gf, we have been together for two years now but we are LD, we have reach a very acceptable level of comfort with each other, but i cant still pass gas in front of her, not yet. she finds it disgusting. Every nigh...
A. 25 March 2014: What else is she squeamish and precious about? Girls have flatulence too. Almost as often as men. Good Advice from SVC on your diet. Plus if you are stressed you are also more likely to have the flatulence. So tell her that her stressing over it ... (read in full...)
My Bf is depressed about his parent's recent divorce. His behaviour towards me has changed. What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend are the same age and have been together for one year. We really do love each other a lot. However, his parents recently got divorced, and he is very depressed about it. Lately it seems that all I can do is upset him. If he says/does...
A. 16 March 2014: No matter what he is going through, he cannot behave as badly as he has been behaving towards you.
As others have mentioned, there needs to be a face to face meeting between the two of you.
Bear in mind that he may get defensive and upset. L... (read in full...)
Should my friend's fiance pay rent or not?
Q. Ok so my friend and i are thinking of moving in together. Her fiance stays over 5-6 dys a week. I think its fair that he contrubutes to sum of the bills but she says no. She says firstly there is no way in hell he will pay as he dont earn that much ...
A. 11 March 2014: He sounds quite selfish and she is far too accommodating in respect to his needs. He should already be contributing living costs at home (that's his Dad's fault for being too soft). Since she is similarly too soft and too accommodating towards what... (read in full...)
My crush invited me to her wedding!
Q. So I get emails from a girl who I used to hang out with a year ago (She knows I had feelings for her). I asked her whats new in her life since we had not been communicating for a while, and she says she is getting married and would like if I came ...
A. 11 March 2014: I think she is communicating that she wants to be surrounded by people she likes at her wedding. She likes you, but she is not in love with you. She does not have a crush on you. But perhaps was flattered that you liked her.
And she is in love and ... (read in full...)
At 15 why is it so wrong to flirt with guys if I only want it to stay at the friend level? And why is it difficult to make friends with guys?
Q. I've seen a few posts in here about people who were taken the wrong way or who accidentally led guys on. It seems like most of you aunts and uncles think that flirting/hanging out one-on-one is leading a guy on (this happens to me ALL the time!) ...
A. 10 March 2014: I think you are trying far too hard and that desperation is picked up by boys who find it intimidating.
One good way to become friends with guys is to first be a true friend to girls who have brother. Then the sister is more likely to put in a... (read in full...)
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Q. When I was 14 years old I fell in love or started to love a guy who was 17 but my parents didn't approve because he wasn't educated and he belonged to a different social class and his background was totally different than ours but I didn't care and ...
A. 8 March 2014: This is a tricky one. Some guys react very badly to a rejection. Even though he has behaved badly and not considered your feelings, indicating that he is immature. So I need to think about your safety.
Do go with your gut instinct. If you don't fe... (read in full...)
All are blaming me for reporting what I had to. What are your thoughts on people be allowed to bring their children or baby to their workplace?
Q. What is everyone's opinion on people bringing their babies/ children to the work place? The reason I ask is because last week 1 of my colleagues, who is on maternity leave came in with her baby who is 7 months old. We work in a call centre and...
A. 23 February 2014: I do not think it was wrong to keep the manager informed. If you had kept the manager in the dark, then the truth would have come out eventually, at which point I think you might have been in more trouble, later, with the Manager.
Your colleagu... (read in full...)
Teenage girls, where to find the perfect guy, and how to show him you like him without telling him to his face!!
Q. augh! its so annoying to watch one friend or another snogging the face off of their boyfriends when you don't have anyone to even like you yet, right? don't know the first place to look for a special someone? why not try doing something you like. ...
A. 21 February 2014: Hi
The article was an interesting perspective on teen thoughts regarding interest in guys around your own age.
Some people are especially sensitive about having their hair touched. How would you feel if you had fixed your hair exactly how you like... (read in full...)
Teenage girls, where to find the perfect guy, and how to show him you like him without telling him to his face!!
Q. augh! its so annoying to watch one friend or another snogging the face off of their boyfriends when you don't have anyone to even like you yet, right? don't know the first place to look for a special someone? why not try doing something you like. ...
A. 20 February 2014: It's my view that most young guys 13-16 are often far more shy than girls realize. So keep it simple and don't appear to be too pushy.
Running your fingers through their hair? Noooooo! That's too forward and pushy. And that's for later when they... (read in full...)
My LDR called me names and doesn't want to speak with me anymore.
Q. Why is he so horrible? He's really broken my heart:(? So my bf have been dating 10 months long distance where he'd call me all the time. But lately he had been acting weird lately not calling as much, no I miss you to love you. Today I went out ...
A. 16 February 2014: Heartbreaking as it is I think he has done you a favor.
First he started showing that something else was distracting him, or interesting him more than he wanted to say. His silence was his way of letting you down slowly. He was hoping you would some... (read in full...)
Should I let my husband's co-worker know I know she likes him?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I went to my husbands office holiday party. It was a fun night. However, it was also the first time I met my husbands new secretary. They both started at about the same time in new positions so I understand the way they must ...
A. 8 February 2014: I don't think confronting her will do your husband any favours.
Concentrate on your husband instead. You have the upper hand. You are his wife. Find an excuse to meet him for lunch. He has to take lunch at some stage during the day. Walk out to lunc... (read in full...)
Should I tell this new guy I'm dating about past abusive relationships?
Q. I have been dating this guy for almost a month now. We have hit it off very well and get along great, he is like my other half. We have talked about dating before we become official because we want time to get to know each other better before ru...
A. 6 February 2014: You hardly know this guy yet and you are still finding out more about each other. There has been nothing that threatened your trust, up to now. You are starting to feel extra good about this guy.
And in the past you processed a lot of negatives and ... (read in full...)
Can't sleep after giving up medication. Please help?
Q. I really need some help. For those of you who do not know last year in the summer I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Its a really difficult illness to live with and I can't say a day ...
A. 25 January 2014: Hi Almighty Duck, as I surmised you continue to impress me with your great courage and bravery as you face these hurdles with great inner strength.
I am very glad that you have already accessed many options and it sounds like you also have some good... (read in full...)
Can't sleep after giving up medication. Please help?
Q. I really need some help. For those of you who do not know last year in the summer I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Its a really difficult illness to live with and I can't say a day ...
A. 24 January 2014: Hi To the lovely Almighty Duck,
I am sorry that you are suffering some unwanted side affects from the medication.
Do you have access to a skilled and properly trained person who specialises in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Because I believe ... (read in full...)
Is it too late for me?
Q. Going through the site, I see people talking about sex, relationships like it's some kind of everyday thing. It's pretty difficult not to cry trying to write this out, how is it just happening for everyone else, but for me, I've never dated, had a ...
A. 22 January 2014: Sounds like a whole range of things have been building up and finally the "straw that broke the camel's back" has really got you down.
It is not always about you. There are many reasons why a girl may say no and she has a right to say no.
Your ... (read in full...)
I can't deal with the poop streaks he leaves on the bed!
Q. This is a gross question but I really need advice. Sorry to be graphic. Basically Ive been seeing this guy for 3 months and on 3 occasions when he has stayed over at mine he has left poop streaks in my bed. He did it lastnight and I felt sick. He is ...
A. 18 January 2014: Whether it is laziness, a medical condition, arthritis, lack of flexibility, obesity or he has just never realized that his wiping technique is flawed then your man needs to face the facts that from a hygiene point of view he is exposing his skin ... (read in full...)
He can't get it up!!
Q. I've been seeing this new guy for a couple of month's. He had no problem getting it up before, but I didn't feel ready. Now that I am ready, he can't get it up. He says he's "never had this problem before", and that he's just stressed out and...
A. 8 January 2014: Hi thanks for the follow-up. Absolutely do encourage him to go back to the Doctor or ask to see a different Doctor. Not all Doctors are equal and some are better than others at treating particular ailments.
It is not enough for the Doctor to say ... (read in full...)
He can't get it up!!
Q. I've been seeing this new guy for a couple of month's. He had no problem getting it up before, but I didn't feel ready. Now that I am ready, he can't get it up. He says he's "never had this problem before", and that he's just stressed out and...
A. 8 January 2014: The poor man. Some additional emotional support is called for here. Focusing on his erectile dysfunction is only aggravating his anxiety and stress, leading to more erectile dysfunction.
1. encourage him to see his doctor. It could be that he ... (read in full...)
What did she mean?? "My heels are higher than your standards"??
Q. My girl said to me my heels higher then your standerd. Can anybody tell me wat does it means pplss...
A. 5 January 2014: First of all it could be a complete misunderstanding and she may have repeated a throw-away line that she thought was cute and funny.
or not.
There may be a simmering issue that you have not yet realized is simmering and starting to caus... (read in full...)
I have been chatting with a possible scammer online
Q. I have been chatting with this guy online and on my email and we haven't met each other yet. He was telling me that he would be away in Africa for the holidays and won't be back until Jan5th. He said he is anxious to meet me and I am having some ...
A. 30 December 2013: Find love closer to home.
For guys I would say join a cooking masterclass as there will be a pool of women there. Some available and some not. But more gals than guys.
For gals I suggest, instead that the girls join something like a wood carving ... (read in full...)
I have been chatting with a possible scammer online
Q. I have been chatting with this guy online and on my email and we haven't met each other yet. He was telling me that he would be away in Africa for the holidays and won't be back until Jan5th. He said he is anxious to meet me and I am having some ...
A. 29 December 2013: I am very sorry to tell you that yes it is a total scam. Please see the exact same letter(as the one you received) on the scam site called stop-scammers.com
Do NOT reply to him ever again. Change your phone number if you have given him your pho... (read in full...)
Last month Court found me "not guilty' and her accustions as "false". But this girl has ruined my life. How do I move on?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need any advice I can get. I was in a very volatile, messy relationship. At first I thought this girl was amazing. She was beautiful, independent, all of the above. After a few months things didn't appear to be as what they should ...
A. 5 December 2013: hi
keep a copy of the Judgement and the paper proving that the Judge found you innocent. She may try this again with another guy because she's been proved to be a devious manipulative liar. Yes she set you up. But a genuine girl will believe you.... (read in full...)
Last month Court found me "not guilty' and her accustions as "false". But this girl has ruined my life. How do I move on?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need any advice I can get. I was in a very volatile, messy relationship. At first I thought this girl was amazing. She was beautiful, independent, all of the above. After a few months things didn't appear to be as what they should ...
A. 4 December 2013: With proper counselling you will heal but be more wary. Find your nearest Citizen's Advice Bureau as they may know of additional support that can assist.
You can and will heal. But you do need proper support to achieve that goal.... (read in full...)
Last month Court found me "not guilty' and her accustions as "false". But this girl has ruined my life. How do I move on?
Q. Dear Cupid, I need any advice I can get. I was in a very volatile, messy relationship. At first I thought this girl was amazing. She was beautiful, independent, all of the above. After a few months things didn't appear to be as what they should ...
A. 4 December 2013: This girl was never right for you. And you may not have been assertive enough with her. You saw what you wanted to see as far as her and in truth she was a mean spirited, abusive, vindictive woman.
When you finally thought you were getting some... (read in full...)
Should I still visit my boyfriend every weekend when he's busier than I am?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a few months. He is currently studying for his LSAT everyday, while I am busy with just school. I sleep over his place every weekend; I come late at night, and then leave the next afternoon. Although, I am c...
A. 1 December 2013: Of course he is being charming to you. Guys know all the right buttons to press to get a girl all fluttery when they girl is about to or soon to give them what they want.
It the other 99.9% of your week that concerns me. He is not being a boyf... (read in full...)
My stepson says he is in love with me and won't take no for an answer!
Q. Hi I hope someone can help me I'm 29 and I'm married to my 45 husband for 10yrs with 2 beautiful step kids I love very much. Things haven't been good with my husband and I for years a month after we got married he started to abuse me in every way ...
A. 1 December 2013: The answer is that you Stand your ground and recognize that this confused young man is trying to destroy and challenge his father while also (maybe he is not realizing it) setting out to destroy your life as you know it. That you even said your w... (read in full...)
Should I still visit my boyfriend every weekend when he's busier than I am?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a few months. He is currently studying for his LSAT everyday, while I am busy with just school. I sleep over his place every weekend; I come late at night, and then leave the next afternoon. Although, I am c...
A. 1 December 2013: Definitely not. You should give this disinterested guy the same disinterested treatment. He is not worthy of you. Guys do this when they are too cowardly to break up. So they behave badly so that they an play "ooh she left me, ain't it terrible, ... (read in full...)
Almost 17 and I feel like I'm having an identiy crisis, what do I do?
Q. For the last couple of months I've been feeling like i'm having an identity crisis. Throughout my whole life I have never been comfortable with my looks and self image, but it appears at this point in my life it is more ...
A. 22 November 2013: Hi
I always see you as a kind and wise soul. Your loving nature shines through and you are kindness itself and respectful towards others. Yet some others have treated you with disrespect in the past.
but maybe that's not quite how you see your... (read in full...)
What can I do really quickly to improve my skin? I am attending a wedding and I have too many pimples and other issues.
Q. Hi friends. My problem may sound really silly but I really need some help please. I have a marriage ceremony to attend day after tomorrow and I have soooo many pimples on my forehead. I understand that having pimples is normal but it’s too much and...
A. 22 November 2013: Did you know that stress can make your skin worse?
So make sure that you are drinking plenty of fresh cool water.
And get plenty of sleep before the wedding day.
Wash your hands several times each day and cleanse your skin twice a day.
No mak... (read in full...)
My friend always brings her boyfriend to girls night out and it's annoying!
Q. My three best friends and I have been a group since high school. Now that we're seniors in college, we're busy but we still organize bi-monthly hangouts. I attend the same school as one of my friends whom I see more often. She is the one I see most ...
A. 27 October 2013: 'make new friends but keep the old (friends). One is silver the other Gold'
You have tried to drop hints and as the first DC Aunt observed, it hasn't worked. The fact that your friend has moved further away, and does not drive, further complica... (read in full...)
| *bella's friends
These are mutual friends, so *bella has
added them and they have added *bella!
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
