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"Always be Kinder than necessary"... J M Barrie

I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)

And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf

“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “

"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."

That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.

And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.

When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:

With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.

Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.

We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.

It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.

In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.

Never underestimate such a person.

Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.

A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.

Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.

The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:

“A leader leads by example not by force. “

And now some less well known quotes:

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”

by Daisaku Ikeda

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

by Maya Angelou

“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”

by Zainab Alsaati

Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')

'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie

I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person

'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,

kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer

'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.

Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie

"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson

“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa

"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt

'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie

what's your favourite quote?

But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.

There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.

They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.

Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.

There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?

Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.

Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.

What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?

Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:

Negativity?

Passive Aggression?

Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?

Envy

Jealousy

For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.

The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.

Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.

Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.

Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.

Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified.

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When to reveal a disability during online dating?

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A.   12 May 2013: Thank for your very informative followup. Work on your own self esteem. And on how to be assertive. This will build strength within you, to help you become a strong role model for your child. And an assertive woman respects herself. It will mea... (read in full...)

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Do men feel guilt at denying paternity, when they are informed about a pregnancy? Or do the men just move on and feel no guilt? Should I feel damaged by their actions?

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A.   11 May 2013: This sounds a little manipulative to me. As if she is trying to pick a fight. Does she change her mind about a lot of things? Or is she hoping you will get sick of her doing this and thus so sick of it that you will stop offering to help her? Then ... (read in full...)

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My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?

Q.   This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...

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A.   8 May 2013: Once, twice maybe ? Three times starting to look like it's excuses. And friends have (usually) mothers, fathers, siblings, other friends who can be there, (sometimes). So while it seems that she is the self appointed 'most significant support ... (read in full...)

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Q.   I have been friends with this guy since high school and we used to live in the same neighborhood. Four months ago he moved away and since then we had stopped talking, about a week ago he texted me and he told me that's he's going to the army for...

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I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused

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Am I normal? Still a virgin and I do get frustrated. My studies have taken precedence over a relationship. Should I make some changes in my life?.

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A.   15 April 2013: I liked your follow up too. Thank you. I can see that you already have many skills and some experience and motivation to reach out to others. The ability is within you to go on to find opportunities to start dating. You just needed the catalyst ... (read in full...)

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I am his first girlfriend and he isn't sure that I am the one. Should I let him go?

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Am I normal? Still a virgin and I do get frustrated. My studies have taken precedence over a relationship. Should I make some changes in my life?.

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Are the people around me just forgetful? Or am I too brash and lacking empathy with people? I have a habit of putting people down when I reply to them if I think they've told me something before..

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He calls me whore bitch slut. Blames me for his poor grades at college. Says he'll marry me if I change college to his. What should I do?

Q.   hey My Bf is 18 and we are in serious about our relationship....... We have ups and downs. We love each other..... Still virgins Now the problem is 1) He asked me to join in his college. Then I joined in another college of my parents’ choice...

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I give expensive gifts because I think it'll keep them interested in me for longer!

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How to get my abusive husband to leave?

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A.   11 April 2013: Allowing your children to hear, experience and see domestic violence is domestic abuse. Your children will be affected for the worse the longer they continue to be subject to hearing, seeing, and being subjected to the toxic atmosphere of a home ... (read in full...)

What can or should I do? I am in love with my best friend. BUT she has a boyfriend. Should I just move on?

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A.   7 April 2013: She can remain your platonic friend. But try not to be too familiar with her. Separately look around further away for your friend for a new girl who can be your own girlfriend. While this girl you like has a boyfriend she is off-limits a... (read in full...)

My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?

Q.   This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...

A.   7 April 2013: And for your sister: I have lost a loved one through suicide. So I am going to share the following article with you. Because you also lost a relative to suicide. Perhaps there is something in the article that might resonate with you? regar... (read in full...)

My 12 year old sister is being bullied at school because our mother died of an overdose. What can I do?

Q.   This isn't really a relationship question so much as a cry for help. My younger sister is getting made fun of at school because we have lost our mother. Our mother died four years ago of an overdose of pills and alcohol. I don't know the exact d...

A.   7 April 2013: Bullying is always unacceptable. This site will give you some support links: http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/index.html That your mother died of an overdose suggests that your sister may still be suffering some delayed grief as ... (read in full...)

My family do not love me for who I am. Should I talk this over with my friends? How can I get my family to love me for being me?

Q.   I feel like my family doesn’t love me. My parents Love their two older children. Yet me? But not when it comes to me as well. When I'm myself they seem so disappointed and I don't know what to do. They say I act Like a 5 year old having a tan...

A.   6 April 2013: secondly: you asked if you should talk these things out with your friends? At this point you are 13 and I think it burdens your friends, some of whom may be ill-equipped to provide you with the level of wisdom and emotional support that you really ... (read in full...)

My family do not love me for who I am. Should I talk this over with my friends? How can I get my family to love me for being me?

Q.   I feel like my family doesn’t love me. My parents Love their two older children. Yet me? But not when it comes to me as well. When I'm myself they seem so disappointed and I don't know what to do. They say I act Like a 5 year old having a tan...

A.   6 April 2013:  I am not going to insult your intelligence by telling you that , "Hey sure your parents love you," because I don't know your parents. I can only go my what you have written. And I hear the pain in your voice. But right now you DO need more su... (read in full...)

Grief: Have you suffered loss of a pet animal or something very important to you, where the loss has hurt you deeply? If yes, then please advise me how I can overcome MY grief?

Q.   I want you to think back to a time in your life where you felt there was something missing. Maybe you missed your friends or family while away from home, or even on a lonely night when everyone was too busy. Maybe you missed your pet, or wished y...

A.   6 April 2013: I can still remember when our beloved cat died. The week before the vet had told me I was worrying about the cat too much and that she would be fine. But we all knew and loved that cat in the household. She was like an extra family member. And... (read in full...)

My man's mega spend on liquor. How can I address this casually while still voicing my concerns?

Q.   My husband enjoys drinking beer and will have 3 cans most nights and more on the weekend. I have just discovered the supermarket has an offer on and he has went and bulk bought spending almost £350 on beer. I'm quite alarmed to the point of sic...

A.   31 March 2013: If he just sticks to 3 cans then the beer will last for ages. But I thought beer had a shelf life? Maybe ask him, with a nonchalant sort of disinterested voice, ''what is the shelf life of stored beer?'' if he does not know then suggest he googl... (read in full...)

When should I tell my therapist of my feelings?

Q.   I have been to my college's counseling services for about 2 and 1/2 years now, and have developed a strong attachment to my therapist. It took a long time for me to trust her, but now I know that she truly cares and won't judge me. Part of the ...

A.   31 March 2013: I think you should wait. Her reaction may be to immediately transfer you to another therapist to protect her professional standing, in the circumstances.... (read in full...)

My partner says I'm too heavy for sex!

Q.   We cannot have sexual intercouse because my female partner has told me that I am too heavy for her. What is the best way to lose weight? Is it a good idea for me to go to the gym? Has this been a common problem for other couples when hav...

A.   31 March 2013: Hah! TrancedRhythmEar is not telling the full story. TrancedRhythmEar is charming and delightful and flirty and that is why women are attracted to him. I would like TrancedRhythmEar to write the definitive article for men on flirting with wo... (read in full...)

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