A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Would this put you off someone ?.I met a guy recently. He seems really nice,and it seems like we have things in common, but something happened today which made me feel uncomfortable. I was in a pub with him. Another woman who was in the pub shouted to the guy I was out with. She asked if he remembered her. He said he didn't. She said that she and her friend had met him last year. They went back to his house and smoked drugs. I was shocked, first of all, because it had been two women that had gone to his house, and because of the drugs. I have never taken drugs, and I'm not sure if I want to date anyone that takes them.I'm not sure if I should date him or not. What do you think?.
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 April 2014):
 Everyone is assuming they smoked pot. "smoking drugs" could be crack or meth too.... and for me it would strongly depend on which it was....
"drugs" is really very generic... "smoking weed" or "smoking pot" or "smoking grass" are all ok in my book...
the fact that he doesn't remember is an issue for me...
did you ask him exactly what she meant? do you even care?
the fact that you are so concerned about it, tells me that you are probably better off passing on this one....
different lifestyles, different beliefs... it will be an issue later on if not sooner.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2014): To be honest the fact that he took 2 women to his place worried me more than the drugs (here I mean marijuana). I don't have a problem with friends who smoke marijuana, people who smoke don't generally go on to try harder drugs, but some people can become quite dependent on the drug, to sleep, or do something. Where I live it's illegal so it's also expensive and I've seen people having trouble with their drug dealers and running into debt to keep the habit so it can also turn into money problems later.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): Cannabis is a Class B drug in the UK. Do you ever want to be accepted for a job, yet when security vetted for it you're turned down because you've shacked up with some pot head?
He can't even remember having those women in his house? So are you going to trust him when he's out with the guys, and tells you he's heading home... What's he done with other women he can't remember either?? Just a bit worrying - your health and emotional well being comes first.
I'd find someone whose got a bit more to their life than a drug habit - recreational or any kind. All those people saying lots not so bad etc... Whatever your opinion, here in the UK it's illegal, no matter what you think or just because someone said it's not so bad is not going a stop a police officer from doing their duty if you were ever found with it on you, or in your home/vehicle....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): O,please,people, marijuana is legal insome states even here in US. Of course, they call for med reasons, but people smoked it since beginning of humanity.OP, pot is much less addictive than even alcogol. Half of people I ever met smoke pot. The other half never got a hang of it ,like me, may be because for the reason that I don't smoke regular cigs, buti never got to like it. My husband grew up in partof a country where pot grew on the streets, he smoked it since he was 13. And then before he met me, in his early 20 s lost a taste for it. For me you seem like a person who had quite a sheltered life, never been exposed to many things that are going on, and that's fine. If his behavour shocked you so much now, wait for more to come. If you don't find it normal to invite drunk strangers to your house after bar, then you are not going to like many other things. I personally invited strangers to my house, and went to people' s house in my younger years in very late hours. If it shocked you too much, don't date him. May be one of the advices for you here was right: find yourself some nice young man spoon one wave with you, and who will never shock you with this sort of things.
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (12 April 2014):
I don't think you are being uptight at all. I do believe that some people can handle doing drugs 'responsibly' but at the same time many others can't. So if you knowingly get involved with someone who does drugs (even pot) then you are taking the risk that it will escalate further. Then when you write in to DC about it, you'll get told you knew he did drugs to begin with so you only have yourself to blame.I was in a situation with my ex where he initially smoked weed occasionally like at a music festival, then at weekends only, then he added in Thursdays, then it was every night, then it was lunchtimes as well before it was pretty much all the time. I've never been into drugs myself, but I thought it would be pretty harmless if it was just an occasional thing. Then it escalated and he became lazy, moody without it and basically a different person. By that point I loved him and it was difficult to break away from, plus I was being judged because 'pot is harmless' right? Not when life becomes too much of a chore without it and instead of living you'd rather get baked out of your mind. Not to me anyway.I know that not everyone will go that way, but since you're uncomfortable with that lifestyle anyway (which is your own choice and no-one should judge you for it just because they disagree), I would end this before you get any more emotionally invested. It's not worth the hassle.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): I like Cerberus' answer.
He's honest and I agree with him - and were both Irish so maybe don't date an Irish person ;-)
I think you're being over dramatic... I mean if he sits at home all day smoking it I would bother me because the guy had no direction in life.
But I mean, I've smoked, snorted and popped plenty in my life and I'm a well brought up and balanced girl. I'm fit, healthy and in great shape for 30. I don't drink much and I find that *some drugs are far less damaging to my mental health then alcohol. However: I take drugs "responsibly" and have a good time. Dislike it when people overdo it and can't handle it.
My point is, you're being pretty uptight in my opinion ...
Ps: I've gone back to houses for sessions after being out. Doesn't meaning was acting like a ho or everyone was having a big durty orgy.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 April 2014):
 If all he does is creep about, sleep all day and be after his next 'fix' - then no don't date him, who would want to
If he works, has his life together and has a social smoke, so what?
I cannot stand heavy drinkers, I find them far worse trouble than the grinning weed smokers to be honest.
I think its a definite clash of lifestyles, you and him.
As for the two girls, they were probably hoping they could go back and party again after the pub closed..He didn't remember them and even if he did - it was last year.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): I say don't bother, OP. As a person who has smoked drugs, dropped pills, and snorted powder plenty of times, I can say it's probably not the scene for you.
As for the two women, that's nothing. He invited them and probably others back to his place after a club or something for more beer and a smoke. People have after parties all the time, OP.
With all due respect, OP, your shock and discomfort would be quite off putting for a person like me. I've tried almost everything and taken some of that as regularly as people drink alcohol. It sounds like you've never been around people who've even smoked a little weed, or been to any kind of party that had more than alcohol.
I mean weed is considered less of a drug than alcohol, it's certainly a lot safer and being legalised everywhere too.
Best to move on, OP, you won't be able to reconcile these thoughts because you can't even hear of a guy having people back in his place to continue the session without thinking they were having some kind of hedonistic drug fuelled orgy.
It's just not your scene and he isn't either, these won't be the only worries you have. It's a completely different lifestyle, best to stick to what you know.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 April 2014):
 You are the company you keep. And the longer you spend time with them the more you become like the company you keep.
A nice young man who lives a peaceful life and does not associate with low life individuals is far less likely to have attracted the attention of bitter losers like the girl who shouted out to him.
Of course the girl could have been mistaken and have thought he was someone else.
How did he seem to you? A peaceful kind respectful guy? Was there anything about him that made you uneasy?
This intrusion by the woman unsettled you. Did he seemed shocked by her allegation or try to deny he did drugs? Or did he seem blasé about the accusation.
If he was blasé about the allegation then I would march right out the door.
Because I can assure you that if anyone suggested that I had ever done illicit drugs I would be shocked, horrified and would know it was a lie. I would quietly refute their allegation and then walk out and never return to that venue. (a) because the venue clearly has attracted some not nice customers(b) because I never want to come across that same liar ever again. (c) it is very insulting to be accused of someone one has never done just because someone think they have the right to say lies about another human being.
From the way you described the situation I think you do have a right to be rattled. Find a nicer meeting place where the people there do not behave as badly as the shouting woman behaved.
If he wants to see you then let him initiate the convincing that he does not do drugs. See how determined he is to clear his name. If he remains too laid back to care and too blasé to offer any explanation that is believable then I would give him a miss.
There are plenty more nice guys in the world who do not do illicit drugs.
Add gambling to the list too. A gambler will always end up as a loser too, just as drug users sometimes end up as heavy drug addicts and that's being a loser too.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): Apart from the drugs, what do you think about him taking two women to his place?. I'm not sure if it was just him and the two women, or a bigger group of people . And, I'm not sure if anything sexual happened with them.
If I do date him, obviously I would want him to be faithful.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): I wrote " smoked drugs " instead of "smoked marijuana" at first because I wasn't sure if it was against the rules here to write the name of a drug.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 April 2014):
Anyone who says "smoked drugs" has definitely never done drugs.
Anyways, if its weed then that's pretty common. If its something else then you're probably with the wring guy unless that was an isolated incident or something. People can change.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2014): NO is the answer.
You yourself have never taken drugs, and the last thing you need to do; is be involved with someone who does. He just might get busted while you're with him.
You don't say what kind of drugs? If someone mentioned that it happened blatantly in-front of you; I'd take that as a warning. That woman was exposing his habit for your benefit.
He didn't remember her, and he didn't deny it. If he's that casual about it, you don't need the trouble.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 April 2014):
 For me, this would be a pass.
You'd have to get over being shocked and uncomfortable and he'd have to do something drastic and dramatic like getting a lie detector test to convince you otherwise.
Pass.
Sorry to the men who have strangers make up stories and shout them out when they are out on dates with hot new prospects.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 April 2014):
 I'd pass this one up.
What kind of future is there with a guy who does drugs? really?
However, when you say drugs do you mean pot or crack? I mean smoked drugs can mean so many things. (not that it alters my advice, I'd never date someone who is into drugs, be it pot or crack).
...............................
|
