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female
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*obbyjo
writes:This is a gross question but I really need advice. Sorry to be graphic. Basically Ive been seeing this guy for 3 months and on 3 occasions when he has stayed over at mine he has left poop streaks in my bed. He did it lastnight and I felt sick. He is not aware that he does it. He must go to the toilet and either not wipe himself properly, or not at all, and come back to bed and just leave these marks. I dont know whether to tell him or just finish with him but sometimes I know its probably not all his fault as there has been occasions when I have not had any toilet roll at my house, or am running out. I am 29 and he is 34. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2014): You have done the right thing finishing with him. Not sure how you would ever want to be intimate with a guy who basically does not have any hygiene standards.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2014): That's really gross! And I thought I had it bad when my BF barely washes his hands. I say bring the issue to his attention, and tell him you're leaving if he doesn't pay more attention to his hygiene. If the problem persists, dump him; you can do so much better!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2014): Like a book says: we all poop. But we all also know how to clean our bottoms after that. And to not wipe your butt even if there is no toilet paper is not an excuse. He could get in a shower quickly and wash it, which I do anyway after n#2.
It's really gross, and I would just let him go. Hygien was at several occasions a reason for me to break up with a guy.
It was not skid marks issue, but others.
One smelled like sweat, I don't think he used deodorant. Other has a very smelly penis. I don't know why, he washed himself, it's just odor was unbearable. Another though didn't smell, but always had dirty fingernails and clothes, and hair sticking out from his nose.
Butif I saw poop streaks he would fly out immediately with no explanation.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 January 2014):
 I'd tell him this when you break up with him, actually. As a favour to him. Sure it might sting a bit to hear it, but he really needs to know that is actually IS the reason why you (and probably women in the past) are ending it, and why women in the future will also end it with him. So as a favour to him, since it is such a specific matter that actually CAN be dealt with if he pays it enough attention... He ought to know.
I fully support your decision in ending it, this is disgusting and poor hygiene, and a big turn off. It only happened on two occasions with the ex I mentioned earlier, but that was bad enough. I've never had any other boyfriend who had this "problem", so it isn't a guy thing, or typical either. It's him not wiping properly, or maybe not wiping at all. My ex was actually obese, so that could be why he didn't manage to wipe properly. My ex was also in denial of his weight problem... Not that it's relevant, but since some people mention weight could be a possible factor. Anyway, it's just "too big" of an issue to handle, especially when you haven't been together that long. It's not worth trying to help him "fix" this.
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female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (18 January 2014):
Bobbyjo is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey thanks for your replies. I can assure you that this is definitely a legit question. I have to say though that it's not everyday that I don't have toilet roll just a couple of times I have ran out. I've decided to finish with him especially as I realised that the last time he stayed and left poop marks on my sheets he had come here straight from work and hadn't used my toilet or used my shower so he must of been walking around at work like it.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 January 2014):
 Have a bidet installed in your bathroom. With a spray nozzle.
Too much trouble and expense for just a casual bf ?...
I guess so.. But I was not thinking of the Bf, I was thinking of you. If you are the type that regularly finds herself short of TP, then a bidet would be very useful.
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female
reader, LaceratedReality  +, writes (18 January 2014):
Just reading this makes me want to take a shower...
Maybe that is something you could both do before walking down to the shops to buy a bulk load of TP?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (18 January 2014):
 Holy cats - I didn't see that last line! How are you wiping yourself with no TP??? Gross! It's not expensive!
I take it back - if he's staying with you and there's no TP, you might be made for each other. :|
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2014): Holy Moses. I have to admit I question the seriousness of this question, especially given the last part about not always having toilet paper...but if it is legit...
Firstly, there is no way he does not know. If he's leaving streaks in your bed, then he's doing the same thing in his clothes and in his bed. He has to notice this. It's up to you, but I think leaving him is a perfectly viable and acceptable option here. Assuming he knows, which again he has to, he's not likely to change just because you tell him. But if you do decide to tell him, I highly recommend doing it the way Chigirl did - as bluntly as possible. Making it horrifyingly embarrassing for him is more likely to induce change, IMO.
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (18 January 2014):
 Whether it is laziness, a medical condition, arthritis, lack of flexibility, obesity or he has just never realized that his wiping technique is flawed then your man needs to face the facts that from a hygiene point of view he is exposing his skin and your skin to some very nasty bacteria that live in the gut. One in the air and on your skin this bacteria can multiply quickly and cause some very nasty infections on your skin.
I did a search of the internet to see if there are devices that can help in this situation, and I found many devices. So clearly there is a real need for a product to deal with this problem.
Personally I would find it so off-putting that I would tell him the truth about why it turned me off and then I would possibly have to say goodbye. As a passion suppressor it is right up there near the top of the list.
Clearly he needs to take responsibility for the issue and perhaps he needs to purchase something similar to the following that I found on the internet.
http://www.activeforever.com/freedomwand-toilet-tissue-aid
Because if he refuses to attend to the problem and if you still want to see him you will end up facing many hours doing laundry. Now that is a real passion suppressor.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (17 January 2014):
 I also experienced something similar with a former love interest, except he totally messed up my bathroom, and left it for me to clean up. I stopped seeing him after that incident and was very blunt with him about it. Hygiene is so important to me, and I'm not patient enough to teach basic hygiene to a grown man.
I guess it depends on how much you like this guy, and how patient you are about these things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): I agree with honey pie about the charmin freshmates flushables... and yes that is gross... I mean for an adult man that should know how. Have you been to his place???
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 January 2014):
Keep toilet paper at your house!!!
If you can't keep toilet paper there for your guests then I seriously wonder what you can expect from guests. To hold it in? Wipe with their hands?
On to the other thing: tell him. I had an ex who did this. I pointed it out, at first I wasn't even delicate about it, I said to him "Did you poop in my bed?". He denied it, of course. Then I went and sniffed the bed and said "It's definitely poop". He denied it again, and was probably dead embarrassed. So I dropped it and changed the sheets.
But then one day when I was giving him a BJ I saw poop down there. He hadn't wiped properly. And it smelled. And this time I just ordered him to the bathroom, told him to clean up better in the future. It didn't happen again.
Now, I don't recommend being as blunt as I am, I see in retrospect that he was probably very embarrassed. But people need to wipe properly, that's just disgusting. Tell him, as nicely as you can, but do tell him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): If you tell him without evidence he'll deny it to save face.
So I'd wait for it to happen again and then say to him in the morning; I changed these sheets recently and it's the fourth time this has happened (show him the poo at this point)
He might suffer from incontinence or something.
But ewwww, that's disgusting!!!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (17 January 2014):
 This really made me chuckle!!
As all the Aunties have said, make sure you are stocked up on the loo roll, but I think it would be OK to tell him, even if you had to soft soap him a little and make a bit of a joke of it.Tell him if he wants to leave skid marks, make sure they are in his underpants and not on the duvet...failing that, put a sign over the bed
'wipe your arse before entering'
I am sure he'll get the message!!
He he!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 January 2014):
Well, I'd personally have to leave him as I am immunocompromised and at 34, hygiene is pretty much set in a guy's ways by then.
Your nose *must* have said something to you beforehand, didn't it, If he was getting naked and fluids were flying?
Wearing underwear in bed may save the bed, but would you want to be the one washing skid marks out of his underwear? I wouldn't!
I'm usually for being direct, but part of me would want the guy to save face and tell him things didn't work out, it's not you, it's me...you're heart went in a different direction (like to the shower! eww), etc etc. Telling someone they have s*** all over their ass is an embarrassing issue, and at 34, he already knows. The itch didn't get there by itself, and who knows what nasty habit is also there, since nastiness tends to come in bunches.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 January 2014):
 Well I can tell you that if he's very obese he may not be able to reach.... they make special extenders for you to use to wipe if you can't reach well...
but that's pretty gross... part of the issue is your lack of supplies... I get to FOUR rolls in my house and i'm stocking up... running out of TP is not acceptable for any home at any time.
I also like wipes but I prefer the Preparation H wipes... no lotion to make me feel greasy.... a combo of wipes and paper are often preferred.
And by all means say something to him.... and if you don't want to continue with him you should tell him why.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2014): Under the circumstances you have to say something no matter how embarrassing it might be for either of you. I do suggest that you provide adequate tissue AND sanitary wipes; and suggest that he use both before returning to bed.
If he is intoxicated or a deep sleeper, he may not be totally aware of what he is doing when he goes to the bathroom. If you make him conscious of the mess he is making; he will be more self-aware when going to the bathroom at night.
He should wear underwear or PJ bottoms to bed; and that will solve the problem altogether.
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (17 January 2014):
I've had this happen! I've had this happen! Not only did he leave the poop streaks, but every single pair of his underwear I saw had skid marks. So foul! Also, his showers were literally under two minutes, he insisted that was due to being in the military and that he could get his whole body clean in that time. Obviously not.Anyway, I did bring it up to him, kindly, but he flat out denied not washing his ass thoroughly. I also watched his grown nephew give him a major ration of shit for being a "grown man with skid marks in his drawers" after he saw a pair in the bathroom. Deny, deny, deny. Hopefully your "talk" goes better than mine- I eventually had to end it though I liked him in every other way- too gross. Also, you know the old saying about old dogs and new tricks....
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 January 2014):
 Oh EWWW.
34? and can't wipe his but? No arms or hand on the fella?
First off tell him. I know it will feel a little awkward but that is just downright disgusting.
Honestly I would suggest (if you keep dating this guy with questionable hygiene) you buy some Charmin Freshmates Flushables (basically babywipes for any age and they DO NOT clog the toilet) We keep both toilet paper and the wipes in this house, the whole family got a stomach flu (sorry TMI here) and they were a HUGE plus for all poor butts....
If that doesn't do the trick.. then yea, that would just be sad.
Buy the wipes and then tell him they might just do the trick.
How is the rest of his hygiene overall?
By the way a friend of mine dated a guy who used her hand towel to wipe his butt because he didn't like the brand she bought.. She couldn't understand why they seem to vanish til she found like 4 of them under her sink.. REALLY EWW.. Needless to say that relationship ended rather abruptly.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 January 2014):
 You are right, this is a gross question. Make sure you ALWAYS have some TP or tissues to wipe your butts and tell him to use it or he's not sleeping in your bed ever again. Jeeze Louise.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 January 2014):
 It would be hard to imagine that a guy, in this day-and-age - is improperly "toilet trained." However....
... you cannot expect a "pass" if your 'loo doesn't have adequate supplies..... AND....
... you should bring this up to him. Besides its sanitation consideration... it also leaves you with a prematurely change-of-linen, and laundry chore.
May I suggest, as well, that you make sure to always have a box of those damp "flushable" tissues on hand? They are wonderful for just the kind of situation that you (him!) seem to have....
Good luck....
Mr Clean.
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