A
female
age
41-50,
*enn_jenn
writes:I've been seeing this new guy for a couple of month's. He had no problem getting it up before, but I didn't feel ready. Now that I am ready, he can't get it up. He says he's "never had this problem before", and that he's just stressed out and nervous. What could he be nervous and stressed out about? I've asked him, yet he doesn't know what to say. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 January 2014):
 Anxiety is the number one reason...fear of failure to perform=number two...Too much booze is number three. Poor blood flow etc,etc,etc. There are a lot of reasons. Don't fret over it go see a doctor and get the pill for a trial.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): Hi, I bet he's really into you, he's so excited that he's having, performence anxiety, I know cause I had the same problem not to long ago, but she didn't stick around long enough to get the real me, an that make's me feel bad, so give him a little time, you will be happy that you did.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): Let him take Viagra to overcome his anxiety. The idea of having a pill that gives you erection inside you actually will make you have one.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (8 January 2014):
 Hi thanks for the follow-up. Absolutely do encourage him to go back to the Doctor or ask to see a different Doctor. Not all Doctors are equal and some are better than others at treating particular ailments.
It is not enough for the Doctor to say "ah yes I can see that your two legs are broken" and then send you on your way. The Doctor needs to actually implement some more action than to just tell your guy what is completely obvious.
The Doctor can even refer your guy on to a renal specialist to see if there are any issues that need checking out.
The Doctor could refer your guy on to a therapist for counselling for anxiety
The Doctor could suggest some strategies to address the anxiety like yoga classes.
Or suggest that the two of you join a zumba class to help you and your guy to relax together in a class where sensuous movement and exercise and fun are all combined sch that you are able to enjoy an activity together that is physical and relaxing but is not sex.
Doctors need to work a little bit harder than to just state the obvious and say, "Next!" and send the client on their way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): Abella gave some good answers and I'm glad he's gone to his G.PHe's probably anxious about his new relationship with you and feels he NEEDS to perform. Since this has happened once, the stress of the idea that it will happen again can increase this stress further.Try the things that Abella suggsted but then go back to the doctors if there's no improvement.ED is a fairly common complaint that GP's hear about in men of all ages and it usually is a temporary issue caused by stress so GP's are unlikely to do much about it on the first complaint. In the UK where health care is free doctors will start with the cheapest treatment first which in this case is reassurance and counselling in stress reduction. If the patient never goes back the doctor will assume that the patient is okay and that the prescribed treatment has worked (so keep going back if there really is no improvement)
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A
female
reader, jenn_jenn +, writes (8 January 2014):
jenn_jenn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply Abella. He went to the doctor. The only advice he got was that he's stressed. I told him I'll wait until he's ready, and if there's anything he wants to talk about, I'm here for him.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (8 January 2014):
The poor man. Some additional emotional support is called for here. Focusing on his erectile dysfunction is only aggravating his anxiety and stress, leading to more erectile dysfunction.
1. encourage him to see his doctor. It could be that he is not sleeping well and is exhausted. Or it could be something else.
2. Suggest that he ask the Doctor for a list of the things that will increase the likelihood of Erectile dysfunction.
3. And what would the Doctor suggest instead.
Of course he is nervous and distressed. The anxiety would be over-whelming. Concentrate on not asking for sex and instead tell him you will massage his back, massage his feet. But that you want to experiment with some sex-free days and would be mind?
He may be very relieved for the respite.
And when he has seen the Doctor and you have had some sex free days start gently by mentioning to him that you only want to kiss him but not have sex.
The next time tell him no sex but you only want to gently caress his arms and legs but no sex.
Give him some time out and do not even ask questions about sex. Let the Doctor be the one to explore his anxiety and seek answers.
Do not hint how you are feeling.
And encourage him to follow what ever instructions the Dr suggests.
With time and patience and compassion he will reignite the passion all by himself, when he feels more able to relax and go into things without blaming himself.
It is not his fault that this has occurred,
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