A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I left my boyfriend after a six year turbulent relationship. I gave him everything, I saved him from losing his house and bailed him out on numerous occasions. The final straw was finding out he was online sexting with his ex, I walked away. He wouldn't let me go and professed his love, didn't want to lose me and would never contact her again. I gave him another chance but the sexting still continued and he added a new woman to his list. I am now homeless, couch hopping, not able to afford my own place, and I'm devastated and heartbroken. He has lied to me more times that I can count, but always want's me to come back. I will never understand why he could hurt me like this, then tell me he loves and misses me, I know I have to move forward and never look back, I am so angry.alone and scared.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 September 2016):
To the point - he's using you for money, and you are enabling it.
Proceed accordingly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2016): Hi,
I am so sorry you are going through this most difficult time right now but also I am so very proud of you for leaving him in the dust! I too, have been down this miserable road of lies, financial support and manipulation, 7 years with my ex-boyfriend. 13 years ago.
You ask how he could hurt you like this and then tell you that he loves and misses you... That is because he is a con artist with no conscience, no feeling for anyone except himself and his own happiness. He tells you he loves and misses you because he wants to keep things just like they are, because it's easier for him, that's how his type operates, he is a user, an abuser and is skilled at manipulating with no regard for others.
Avoid him like the plague, do not accept any phone calls from him, any emails, visits, notes, flowers, etc. Make certain there is no reason for you to have to meet with him and if you must for any reason, take someone with you so that you can take care of whatever needs be taken care of and leave immediately. I know how it all works... the meeting, the business then comes the let's talk, I love you, I miss you, blah blah blah... Barf. No way, don't see him or if you must for some reason, take someone with and then hit the road!
Surround yourself with positive, supportive family and friends. Keep yourself busy with work, exercise and things you enjoy. Start taking care of you now. I did a lot of reading which helped a whole lot.
As far as you living situation, I am so sorry the situation you are in, I can relate, it's awful. I do know that there are programs available that may be of assistance with helping you get your own place. I suggest going online and doing some research to see what is available in your local area.
Be proud and be confident, you are beautiful and strong, genuine, kind and loving. Your life is 1000x better without him. I know how hard all of this is, but it is only temporary, I know it doesn't make it any easier right now, but know that it is all going to be great, I have zero doubt.
Prayers to you, I'll be thinking about you. Let us know how you are doing!
2 great books to read are:
Without Conscience by Robert D. Hare PhD ( A good friend gave this book to me towards the end of my abusive relationship and it really opened my eyes )
Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov ( Don't let the title scare ya- it is just a great read, very insightful, helpful to women in building confidence & strength in the real world! I have bought this for several friends too- who just loved it! )
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 September 2016):
 I am so very sorry that you have been reduced to couch surfing. Try to find a situation where you can house sit for various people while they are on vacation. That way you can live a better life and not pay rent.
Try to start getting your finances into better shape.
You are a generous kind person. Too generous.
This was an unequal relationship and you gave him too much, too often. He used you. You helped him out, not once too often, more like 100 times plus too often.
You saved him from losing his house and you bailed him out on numerous occassions. You weren't a person to him, you were a generous open purse. Why would he need a Bank? When he had his own personal banker, meaing you.
And how did he show his appreciation?
By betraying you and sexting with his ex.
Plus he's a serial liar. So you cannot trust his words. His words are all about manipulating you to give him money.
Now you have less money so he has left you to find someone with more money he can use.
Losing him is a Godsend. At least now you can start to rebuild your life.
You had a relationship with a user.
He used you.
He did it because he identified you as a reliable source of funds.
He appreciated that you could give him money. That is money he never intended returning to it's righful owner, namely you
Let this be a lesson.
You are not mean to say no.
He will need bailing out again in the future, because he's irresponsible..
Do NOT allow yourself to be USED ever again.
Next time he needs bailling out then let him face the consequences of his own actions. Do NOT bail him out. Bailing him out and paying amounts so that he will
Not lose his home just enables him to continue to not face up to his responsibilities.
When you allow yoursellf to be treated like a doormap that he wipes his feet on, so that he then spend time sexting his ex.
Right now your finances appear to be in a really bad way.
Thus that needs to be addressed. It may be some time before you can start to build some reserves.
In the interim do also work on building your self esteem.
Resolve to NOT welcome him
Once life is more stable financially then will be in a better state to look around for other things to do to bring joy.
What those things are is up to you.
But I'll give you some examples:
Join a volunteer group that does good in the community.
Work on your fitness
Read some good books.
Go swimming
But do NOT allow him through your front door when you get back on your feet, financially.
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