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I've added some new quotes today (but also kept the earlier ones below)
And the next two quotes are from a wise Uncle on this site called BrownWolf http://www.dearcupid.org/people/brownwolf
“I very thankful for the ounce of common sense I have...because sense is not that common. :) “
"Stay away from foolish people; they have nothing to teach you."
That quote about foolish people from BrownWolf is so true. A weak person cannot be trusted. With a strong person you have more certainty, they are not afraid to stand up and be counted when they are needed.
And I especially like BrownWolf's first quote above on common sense and so I asked BrownWolf for permission to replicate it here. BrownWolf then generously offered the second quote, above, as well.
When you meet a person for the first time, then imagine they are facing their biggest challenge ever:
With this mind-set it reminds us to be kind and use empathy because we can never truly know the extent of personal challenges a person is currently facing.
Badgering a person and humiliation with unreasonable demands for "I have to know" is more likely to harm than help. We do not "have to know". Be kind. Listen carefully and remain supportive. Then the person will willingly reveal more and feel safe to reveal more again.
We can never assume that things are much easier than things are for ourselves.
It encourages one to listen carefully and employ empathy in our dealings with others.
In life we face many things. But with each challenge we can grow a little stronger. When you meet a person with great strength of character it is possible that they grew that strength as a result of some very tough obstacles and some personal tragedies.
Never underestimate such a person.
Strength does not imply brutality nor cruelty and often not even physical strength.
A truly strong person will never seek to harm another. They know their strength and they know that kindness will move mountains more easily than brutality.
Then there is one of my favourites: Sun Tzu.
The wisdom of Sun Tzu is still as fresh as the day he wrote it 4000 years ago:
“A leader leads by example not by force. “
And now some less well known quotes:
“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”
by Daisaku Ikeda
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
by Maya Angelou
“Challenges are what will make us stronger.”
by Zainab Alsaati
Respect other people's feelings. Even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean everything to them. (quoted by many, but generally considered to be by 'unknown')
'As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.'.....Andrew Carnegie
I also respect the Chinese idea of "face" - there is no need to humiliate people. It demeans the one doing the demeaning. there are better ways to call a person to account with dignity. Focus on the Issue when there is a problem rather than be accusatory to the person
'Spilled water is hard to regain' (fù shu nán shou)
"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt,
kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate." .....Albert Schweitzer
'A sunny disposition is worth more than fortune.
Young people should know that it can be cultivated; that the mind like the body can be moved from the shade into sunshine'. .Andrew Carnegie
"We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds." ... Author Unknown, from A Great Life Lesson
“It always seems impossible until it's done.”... Nelson Mandella
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." .....Mother Teresa
"Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough." .....Franklin D. Roosevelt
'Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.'...Andrew Carnegie
what's your favourite quote?
But all is not sweetness, kindness and light in this complex world.
There really are afflicted and inadequate people in this world who get their pleasure from deliberately trying to hurt others.
They do this out of an inflated sense of their importance in the scheme of things. They feel entitled to be mean to others. They have become arrogant over the years.
Yet they are not the strong individuals they think they are. Instead they are passive aggressive bullies.
There are those afflicted with traits that are so petty and unkind that one wonders what has happened to make them that way?
Their arrogance will not allow them to step back and get help for their afflictions.
Instead, like a bull in a china shop, they just keep on head butting harder and harder, using the same tactics they've been using for years to try to get their own way.
What traits cause the problems for such insecure arrogant persons with an inflated sense of entitlement?
Here are a few of the afflictions that continually cause problems in their relationships:
Negativity?
Passive Aggression?
Being Hate filled towards those they see as ''less'' than themselves = everyone?
Envy
Jealousy
For those afflicted with those horrible traits all I can feel for these tormented souls is pity that they are beset with such inadequacies and negativity.
The traits result in them concocting a lie that they are the victims, when in reality they are instead the bullies, the overly judgmental and nasty arrogant persons who enjoy hurting others.
Just feel sorry for them and their inadequate responses.
Then go forth and find things to enjoy in life. Find the positive, find ways to be supportive and kind to others. It is win win in every way on all sides.
Turn your back on cruel unkind and bitter people. Leave them to scheme alone. Their negativity causes their faces to betray their bitterness within.
Their hearts harden and they wonder why others can be so unaffected by all their schemes to hurt others. They are the losers who think their nastiness towards others is justified. |
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I am 15 and I love writing lyrics for songs. How do I chart a path to get my lyrics noticed, find the right professional contacts and a path to succeed?
Q. Hi there, I am writing, to seek some help on my future career in writing. So, I absolutely, and truly, love to write. I write poems, and stories, and songs. I also love to sing, a lot. I have been singing, pretty much since I was a toddler,...
A. 28 December 2015: hi
first off I would not suggest that you just post your lyrics on line. you don't want to freely give away your creations.
also more opportunities will become available to you in time but right now is the time to do some planning to identify... (read in full...)
What can I say or do? My mother in law is driving me crazy and bankrupting us at the same time
Q. I am a 42 year old male who has been married for more than 20 years. I have always viewed my mother-in-law as meddlesome, but harmless. However, over the last 7 years (she is mid-70s now) she is experiencing signs of dementia. She can't pay ...
A. 27 December 2015: Stop. How much longer does this situation have to continue? Until you and your wife are bankrupt and homeless too?
Your mother in law cannot manage her finances nor her life. She is effectively homeless. And an examination of her finances may also... (read in full...)
Some signs that the relationship is becoming toxic. Are these the signs that indicate it's time to break-up?
Q. These are the reasons I think that quantifies ending a marriage (hopefully no kids will be affected) BUT I don't want to promote divorce so please argue with me on this: - you stop being who you are and change into someone you're not comforta...
A. 26 December 2015: You have listed some very relevant indicators of distress in a relationship.
Because I have seen the evidence with my own eyes when a couple are at peace with each other, the trust is high, and they clearly enjoy each other's company and have no ... (read in full...)
Is my fitness instructor boyfriend trying to score this other girl in his class?
Q. I have been dating my fitness instructor for the past two and a half years. I met him as a client in his class. As the gym has policies in place prohibiting such relationships, we have kept our involvement under wraps. I was in his class today ...
A. 26 December 2015: You are a very patient lady if, after two years, he has not just come clean and made the relationship official.
My take on this situation may not be what you want to hear. But sadly I think he is not as committed towards you as you are towards ... (read in full...)
Ex' is threatening suicide. How do I stop her bothering me?
Q. I came on here not too many days ago stating my ex girlfriend of five years had me feeling unsettled. I stated we have been broken up for at least six months. She constantly contacted me and I responded cordially. Perhaps a friendship could come of ...
A. 14 December 2015: She sounds disturbed.
The days of you trying to placate her and being Mr Nice guy does not seem to be stopping her.
You also need to protect your own safety as her disturbing behaviour may escalate if she does not get the medical, psychologica... (read in full...)
Live in an isolated area and am home schooled. What can I do to make new friends?
Q. I have been diagnosed with an extreme form of social anxiety, going back to when I was a young child and my parents encouraged achievement above socialization. Now as a teenager forced to leave school in order to come back to grips with life (do...
A. 8 December 2015: Hi
i like the sound of your inner strength. You write well. Ever thought of a journal? One that could end up being published.
You certainly need a better group of friends. Sad thing is that when you feel you can go on without such friends is when ... (read in full...)
Live in an isolated area and am home schooled. What can I do to make new friends?
Q. I have been diagnosed with an extreme form of social anxiety, going back to when I was a young child and my parents encouraged achievement above socialization. Now as a teenager forced to leave school in order to come back to grips with life (do...
A. 7 December 2015: Hi
I have read your question and I know that you want to make new friends. Yet your impatience may let you down. That is why I am going to suggest a less direct route in order to build your inner strength first.
You do not need a new group of... (read in full...)
I like him but why treat me like this?
Q. Hi. I'm confused about this guy's behavior and need advice. So I finally started liking a guy after 2 years of getting out of a long term relationship. I still like him a lot. He lives in a diff city and whenever we are in each other's city, we meet ...
A. 1 December 2015: He is definitely reluctant and his actions are not those of a guy who wants to take things further.
Hoping things will change is futile.
He has signalled by his inaction, disinterest, his words, silence and his actions that he'll try to keep ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my college-age daughter from falling away from our church and family?
Q. I am a proud mother of six children from the ages of 27-10. I am a stay-at-home mom and part-time Sunday School teacher and I volunteer for many church activities as do all members of our family. All of our children attended or attend our small ...
A. 29 November 2015: Based on your post and philosophy I guess you and I have different parenting styles. Your style seems perfectly valid to you.
My style might bother you.
do you trust your adult children to make their own decisions?
I am happy that your ... (read in full...)
I am crushing on my Dad's student!
Q. My crush is my dad's student. Recently I got to know that my dad itself is searching the suitable bride for him. And since I like him very much the thought of my dad searching match for him is killing me. Please help me on this one. Is there a way I ...
A. 29 November 2015: perhaps you could provide more information to help others see a clearer picture? because on the facts provided there is very little information.
how old is the student?
how long have you known the student?
Has the student ever expressed intere... (read in full...)
What could have happened to this great guy I corresponded with and did meet, once?
Q. A man I am extremely interested in is supposedly in the counter intelligence community in the Middle East. It is hard to determine if this is so as these individuals can never speak very much about their work and you can only operate on blind fa...
A. 22 November 2015: You corresponded for a year. That's a marathon of emailing.
Then you met once - an unexpected visit at Christmas time. It sounds as if he then communicated with you for three more months after that.
He knew your permanent address.
Did he eve... (read in full...)
Will I ever be able to trust again? His cheating has so affected me.
Q. I was in a relationship one and a half year ago. The reason for the break up was the guy was cheating on me with another girl. I was devastated because I really loved him. Now I have moved on completely. I dont care if he exists or whatever...
A. 19 November 2015: You certainly were with him long enough to get to know him. No doubt he pressed all the right buttons to make you feel good, at the beginning. And kept on charming you, when it suited him.
But initially he was hiding his true self.
Thank goodness... (read in full...)
She keeps asking to borrow money. Now I just want to distance myself from her. What can you suggest?
Q. I'm not sure how to get out of this situation and need some advice please. About 3 -4 months ago a work colleague asked me if she could borrow £20 as another colleague in the office had a birthday and had invited us all out to dinner but my co...
A. 19 November 2015: Hi you certainly need to step back from her.
She sounds like Trouble all the way. Hope she does not handle any financial.
transactions at work. Because it sounds like she is undisciplined with money and has a growing problem, where there may ne... (read in full...)
Why does my ex want to be friends with me and still want me in his life? He treated me very badly.
Q. My ex use to manipulate me a lot! I felt used, was treated badly and finally walked away after a terrible breakdown from the relationship. My ex tried to reach out to me many times and I ignored him. we didn't talk for 3 years. But we made up t...
A. 16 November 2015: Congratulations that you did walk away. That was a very good move on your part. All credit to you.
He has a girlfriend and now he is trying to elicit a jealous response from you. It would make him feel extra powerful to have two women fighting... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to want to spend time with me anymore
Q. I would like to know what are some of the major obstacles couples face in a long distance relationship. I know that all couples need to work twice as hard to maintain a long distance relationship vs in person relationship... but what are some things ...
A. 15 November 2015: Thank you for the follow up - when I wrote my original response I could only see the response from Ciar.
If you see each other about ten times a year that means one would think he'd be more comitted to you.
Yet his actions, in moving towards ... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to want to spend time with me anymore
Q. I would like to know what are some of the major obstacles couples face in a long distance relationship. I know that all couples need to work twice as hard to maintain a long distance relationship vs in person relationship... but what are some things ...
A. 15 November 2015: Next time you cook while he's online with you mix things up and make something he's never seen you make. Taste things and make it sound good so he knows what he's missing out on. Let him know that the kitchen smells amazing. Show him that he missing ... (read in full...)
Did she confuse me with someone else? Or is her excuse plausible?
Q. Hello, well I been seeing this woman for over a month, been great. I sent her a sweet tex this morning, she sent one back,but the tex said we should meet up for coffee, or a walk. It sounded like we never met before, so I ask her, she said some ho...
A. 12 November 2015: I think she may be casting her net wide, making contact with several men and she lost track of who you were, confusing another guy with you.
If you have been in contact for a month and yet she is still looking around then it's likely that she does... (read in full...)
Did she confuse me with someone else? Or is her excuse plausible?
Q. Hello, well I been seeing this woman for over a month, been great. I sent her a sweet tex this morning, she sent one back,but the tex said we should meet up for coffee, or a walk. It sounded like we never met before, so I ask her, she said some ho...
A. 12 November 2015: I think she may be casting her net wide, making contact with several men and she lost track of who you were, confusing another guy with you.
If you have been in contact for a month and yet she is still looking around then it's likely that she does... (read in full...)
How to resolve a problem when the other person gets upset and yells when you bring it up?
Q. Quick question, If your in a relationship with someone and there happens to be a problem that is effecting your life that the other person is causing. Is it wrong to try to talk it over to resolve the problem with the other person or should it ...
A. 6 November 2015: It is certainly true that different people seek to resolve problems in different ways.
I think one topic at a time is a good strategy, with nothing but that topic on the table.
Sure it takes discipline but it focuses on one issue only, withou... (read in full...)
Not being in a relationship doesn't degrade you or reduce your worth.
Q. Attention beautiful ladies of the world, you don’t need a man to be happy. You can be happy with just about anything. Whether it’s fixing your hair real nice, doing your makeup, or going out in the fresh air. Doing something that you love can be ...
A. 6 November 2015: A wise article.
I agree with your premise, especially in the teen years. And sometimes beyond that too.
An education is important - focusing on that as a teen is very important. It will open doors and opportunity in the future.
Havin... (read in full...)
The necklace... Should I break up with her? Will remaining with her only bring me misery?
Q. I have been with her for over 4 years. For the first birthday she had during our relationship, I got her a gold necklace with a heart on it, half white gold in the back and gold in the front. She really loved it! For her following birthd...
A. 3 November 2015: Some Jealous immature people can continue to become more jealous and irrational over time. Their sense of entitlement grows since their pay off is a feeling that they deserve bigger and better than other people. I wonder of such behaviour starts and ... (read in full...)
The necklace... Should I break up with her? Will remaining with her only bring me misery?
Q. I have been with her for over 4 years. For the first birthday she had during our relationship, I got her a gold necklace with a heart on it, half white gold in the back and gold in the front. She really loved it! For her following birthd...
A. 3 November 2015: Gift giving is such a special art. Though it's a lot easier to give the perfect gift if there is abundant trust and love.
You know some things about the type of jewellery she prefers though I wonder how often you and your girlfriend have window s... (read in full...)
How to honor my parents, without shaming his?
Q. Hi, Aunts and Uncles. My fiance and I are tying the knot this January in Las Vegas. We've been engaged for years, but have put off getting married because, like everyone else, we've been struggling a lot financially. Knowing how badly we wanted t...
A. 1 November 2015: you will best honor your parents at the wedding by demonstrating what they have taught you about life and about respecting others.
You recognise that your proposed course of action could appear to (potentially) shame your future parents in law.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is working but I'm here still waiting to go to university. Should I go to work instead?
Q. Hi, My girlfriend just dropped out from university and is now finding a working job, while I'm still waiting to go university next year due to national service for my country. I still left another 10 months before getting my civilian status. ...
A. 1 November 2015: University will secure your long term future. It will allow you the freedom to move into a far better career path in the future.
Life is very competitive and the idea of immediate gratification and the lack of patience of some people leads to some... (read in full...)
How to honor my parents, without shaming his?
Q. Hi, Aunts and Uncles. My fiance and I are tying the knot this January in Las Vegas. We've been engaged for years, but have put off getting married because, like everyone else, we've been struggling a lot financially. Knowing how badly we wanted t...
A. 1 November 2015: Wedding should be a joyous event, filled with love.
You can sincerely and privately thank your parents. I doubt that your parents would be expecting a gift. They want you to be happy on the day.
If you were to make a big presentation and... (read in full...)
My mom is toxic! What do I do?
Q. This is a difficult problem and any help would be greatly appreciated. My mum has always been an attention seeking, malevolent narcissist. She likes to play the victim and does so at the expense of everyone around her. She has ruined her own and my ...
A. 28 October 2015: Even if her delusional behaviour and her toxic manipulation of everyone who's ever associated with her has severely undermined your own self esteem, you must cut contact and leave that situation(at least for a time to help you recover from the ... (read in full...)
Leave Demanding Men Alone
Q. Hi I am may be wrong but I feel they all act alike oh there are women too I got involved with a man November 2110 separated with 6 kids I always said I got out my realintonship and started dating to fast with him anyways and his kids range from 24 ...
A. 26 October 2015: I think a demanding person, male or female soon shows their true colors. The important thing is to not allow it to escalate beyond the first effort to start the control saga.
Many control freaks start the ball rolling by being too good to be true.... (read in full...)
My lady friend couldn't accept that my wife was in my life and ended things. I miss her!
Q. Hi People I am married but separated and live alone. My wife and I continue to be friends and I spend a lot of time with her and our 2 girls. Sometimes we share vacations. We go back a long way and I cannot imagine not having her in my life. 6 y...
A. 25 October 2015: I think you need to make a decision and stick with it.
Sounds to me that you and your wife are still a couple even though you like to think the relationship has "almost" got to the point of you really separating, emotionally.
Living in a differe... (read in full...)
I can't last long in bed and I know I'm disappointing my girlfriend
Q. Hey All, First time posting here and I just want to thank anyone who answers in advance! I'll start off by saying that I have the most beautiful, adorable and amazing girlfriend in the world. She's really very fun, understanding and very honest ...
A. 25 October 2015: Hi Ttstgih
Her biggest sexual organ is her skin. As is yours. You also adore her and no doubt feel very stimulated by being in close proximity to her.
The next most important organ is your mind. What you keep on telling yourself is ''reality'' ... (read in full...)
I'm not ready for marriage but my parents are forcing me
Q. Dear cupids, I am 25 yr old girl. I am a struggling engineer. I have great plans about my career. But my parents want me to get married. But getting married is not my priority. Right now nothing is important for me BUT my career. I tried telling ...
A. 19 October 2015: Hi
It's very difficult when the pressure of the culture is so dominating and strong that resistance becomes very difficult.
If you just dig your heels in your parents will likely see it as a direct challenge to what they see as their authority ov... (read in full...)
First time sex, and not wishing to cause my Gf to get pregnant - lots of questions, if you can advise please?
Q. Hi Cupids, I am a 22 year old and my girlfriend is 21 year old. I need some honest opinion about sex. I live in a more conservative country, Singapore, where we are told to have sex after marriage. Recently, my girlfriend and I have mo...
A. 16 October 2015: It is very good that you are being responsible about your mutual decision to consider first time sex.
You can buy condoms online in Singapore - google it and you can find a Singapore based supplier.
Condoms are useful to prevent transmis... (read in full...)
Is it more romantic to be proposed to in a public or a private place?
Q. Just wondering if some ladies (or gentleman) can help me out . Do you think it's more romantic If you were proposed to in private verses a public place. I've been thinking about asking my girlfriend to marry me but I want to include her daug...
A. 14 October 2015: Hi
If she is ''the one'' i guess it's time to start the discussions with her about making things more permanent.
Bit early to start thing about the wedding preparations if no marriage discussions have yet to take place and you've not yet aske... (read in full...)
Is it more romantic to be proposed to in a public or a private place?
Q. Just wondering if some ladies (or gentleman) can help me out . Do you think it's more romantic If you were proposed to in private verses a public place. I've been thinking about asking my girlfriend to marry me but I want to include her daug...
A. 13 October 2015: It should just be you and your intended, and in a discreet private setting away from all distractions. Invariably after a proposal there may be a wish to just share the moment and enjoy the sunset together. Or the momentous occasion may tri... (read in full...)
I want to be a stay at home mother, but also earn an income from home. What are my options for work I could do from home?
Q. I am 19 years old and I have recently decided that I would like to be a stay at home mum when I am older. However being realist I know that I am going to need to have my own source of income. Do you have any suggestion for jobs which I would be a...
A. 11 October 2015: Sometimes it's the luck of the draw in the choices you make that could lead to some income, a sporadic income, no income at all or a spectacular income. Do you have a passion for any particular area of life? Or any particular line of work? What s... (read in full...)
"Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
Q. Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
A. 10 October 2015: Well put Odds. I find it so rewarding to look back at past articles on this site. Odds you are a treasure, for you great insights.
We are shaped by so many events, and as a result we can choose to grow and go forward, or hold ourselves back by blin... (read in full...)
What's some ''feel good'' to take to my boyfriend who is into fitness and keeps to a strict diet?
Q. Hi, My boyfriend is feeling weak and I want to take him something nice like food which would make him feel better keeping in mind he is working on his fitness and has a strict diet to follow..what would you recommendations do you have for "feel go...
A. 8 October 2015: Are you familiar with the diet he is on? check out what he is allowed as often trainers are very strict about what and how much of whatever it is that a person in training can have.
Depending on what is possible you may like to consider one of t... (read in full...)
How do I know I'm reaching the cum stage? I can't feel it reaching that point.
Q. Okay when my bf and I are having sex he asks me all the time did you cum, and I tell him that I don't know. And he says how don't you know if you cummed or not, and I say I don't know. He knows that i do cum because he can feel it, but i can neve...
A. 5 October 2015: can the two of you go for a short interlude for a weekend? Perhaps at a nice secluded place, away from interruptions and turn off your phones too.
Start with a long shower together, that too can help you both get into a relaxed state.
I suggest ... (read in full...)
What can I do? I no longer trust my ex. He's now posted naked pictures of me online and parts of our private conversations too
Q. I had a bad break up with my long term boyfriend and he decided to post a few naked pictures of myself that I've sent to him over the years online. He did this to 'get back at me' even though I did not do anything wrong. I'm very concerned as I n...
A. 3 October 2015: It would be nice if you lived in one of the states that has legislation against this, perhaps more states will follow with effective revenge porn legislation. One hopes the legislation will have enough clout to make others think twice before they ... (read in full...)
What can I say to my long term partner who has given me Gonorrhea?
Q. My long standing partner has given me gonorhhea as far as im aware and i can suspect where it came from! It makes me sad rather than angry and i realise he has been directing a lot of anger towards me lately. I dont want to see him now anyway becau...
A. 3 October 2015: Hi
There is no shame in getting treatment so please do approach the health service nearest to you to get the help you need.
Ireland http://www.hse.ie/eng/health/hl/yoursexualhealth/
Help line for Ireland 1850 24 1850
Sexually transmitte... (read in full...)
When we travel my wife of 21 years changes and becomes easily offended when on vacations. What's the solution to this problem?
Q. I'm tired of traveling with my wife of 21 years who will ruin a trip by becoming over sensitive and easily offended by any little thing. Otherwise, she is a rough and tumble type that jokes around a lot and a lot of fun to be with. But on vacat...
A. 1 October 2015: perhaps you each like a different type of vacation?
Perhaps you've lost that spark such that you each get on each other's nerves?
And perhaps you do not have enough defined separate interests to talk about when you do spend time together... (read in full...)
Can we make this work? Is it a healthy or a toxic relationship?
Q. This relationship has me so confused that I can no longer think straight as the reality of what’s going on. I met my boyfriend about 3 years ago on an online dating website. We are both in our mid 20’s. We met each other after a week and he moved in ...
A. 30 September 2015: He has no reason to change and he does not want to change.
The first important change is no joint account. I suspect that more than half of the money in the joint account is yours so shift it out what is yours pronto into a new account and only... (read in full...)
| *bella's friends
These are mutual friends, so *bella has
added them and they have added *bella!
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![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
