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I'm on vacation with girlfriend but found out she wants to break up with me. What do I do now?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2016) 14 Answers - (Newest, 3 November 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *anc-lad writes:

Ok so I'm on holiday in Tenerife with my girlfriend of 4 months and I have just found out she wants to end it with me either during or after the holiday. I've read messages between her and her mum who is encouraging her to "get shot as I'm not good enough for her daughter even though I was polite and well mannerd throughout the time I stayed with her. " I'm a nice guy and have done nothing but treat her right and and have even put up with her anxiety, depression and mood swings as she has been treated appallingly in the past by former boyfriends. I do however suffer with depression my self but have put my problems aside and done nothing but support her throughout this tough time for her . She's also been texting a former "f**k buddy" saying how much she wants to sleep with him again and how gorgeous he is and sexy my heart is literally shattered right now but I still have another 5 days of the holiday with her left and am supposed to stay with her In England for a few more days when we get home. I really don't know what to do any more, please help!??

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A female reader, maverick494 United States + , writes (3 November 2016):

You're not going to be able to enjoy the rest of your holiday like this. So why keep pretending. If direct confrontation is not your thing, pack your bags, pay your part of the holiday (if you haven't already) and leave when she's not around. Maybe leave a card or a message behind saying: "I know about [fwb-name] and I know you're planning to break up with me after the holiday. Let me spare you the effort. Have a nice holiday without me".

And then block her number and use the remainder of your time off to travel alone and do something nice.

Like others mentioned though: consciously looking through someone's phone is not nice. Next time, when you feel the urge creeping in, opt for a conversation instead, so you may prevent being blindsided like this.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2016):

I would say nothing at all....

buy a luxury postcard

vacate silently

book more time off work

Stay somewhere she can't find you.

enjoy finding a new holiday romance.

Postcard would read 'enjoyed the holiday but not with you'

leave it next to her mobile phone with her texts visible .

Get out now and be free.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2016):

My view is be a cad and exploit these remaining 5 days in bed with her as much as you can to get her out of your system and then leave with no regrets.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (30 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntWho paid for hotel? If you both did then try get earlier flight, if you did then ask her to leave and try snd relax for the rest of the holiday. She should never have went with you if this is how she is feeling, plus her mother is not helping. If she is chatting to other guys then dump her. You deserve better.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (30 October 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntAlso, in future, please don't look through people's phones. If you have to snoop, you don't trust them and you can't be trusted either.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 October 2016):

Honeypie agony auntYikes OP!

If I were you I'd see if I could get a single room for yourself, pack your stuff and move to the other room. Then let her know it's over, you have no intention of spending another minute with her when she has so little regard for you. NO need to make any drama out of it, SHE knows what she did.If she says she doesn't understand, just mention the name of the F-buddy and say no more... After that? I'd spend the remainder of the holiday solo and I'd enjoy the food, the people, the sights and whatever else is there. I know it will be kind of hard to do, but why let HER ruin your vacation?

Honestly? She doesn't sound like a keeper as it is. She might not be capable of having a "real" relationship as she isn't dealing with her own issues of "anxiety, depression and mood swings" - maybe that is why she rather go back to a f-buddy (because he will have no expectation and will treat her like crap, because THAT is what she thinks she deserves). So LET her have at it. If that is what she wants, LET her! don't feel bad about that. Next time you meet a girl, AVOID the ones with as many issues. Or at least the ones who HAS these issues but don't DEAL with them. Women who have a history of "exes who mistreat them" often go back to one of these exes or find men who WILL mistreat them, it's a habit and a pattern that YOU as a partner can not FIX for her.

One thing though, I find it rather appalling that you went through her phone. IF you felt something was up with her, why not just ask her? 4 months in and you either don't trust her or feel the "need" to go through her phone doesn't exactly sound like a relationship that was doing well.

As for the 5 days, you were supposed to be staying with her after the holiday, skip it. Go straight home or go visit family instead.

Sorry you are in this position.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (30 October 2016):

Aunty BimBim agony aunthow horrible for you.

If you cant get an early flight home its going to be very awkward. if you have some spare cash you could look for alternate accommodation, unless you totally paid in which case she can find somewhere else or she can sleep on a chair.

you need to make alternate arrangements for when you get back, start making those phone calls or email enquiries now.

Let this girl know the relationship is over and while you may be stuck with each other's company in the room for the next five days you would appreciate it if she could arrange her meal times and entertainment so that they don't clash with yours. Don't let her or her horrible mother bully you into having a more miserable time than you already are. hold your head high

I am sending as many positive thoughts as I can to try and help you through this

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (30 October 2016):

How horrible for you. I feel your pain, I really do.

I think the only way you are going to salvage anything from this - and by "anything" I mean your pride - is to either tell her you don't feel the relationship is working and that you two should call it a day. Or, when she tells you she wants out of the relationship, just say something along the lines of "I agree. I was thinking the same thing. It's not really working for me."

There is no future with this girl if she is texting other men in those terms. Let her go and find someone who is worthy of you. You are worth so much more.

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A female reader, Abella United States + , writes (30 October 2016):

Abella agony auntWhat a horrible situation to be in.

Of course you must feel shattered.

and betrayed and used.

This woman is NOT worthy of you.

I do NOT think this is a situation where you need to let them know your plans. After all your gf is already moving on emotionally.

Her meddling mother is not very supportive either, in fact she is encouraging her daughter to instigate a break-up.

They have made their minds up and have not been upfront with you.

Time to leave this toxic pair, mother and daughter.

I am sure you can find a nicer girl and a nicer family than this. You have been courteous.

I would not stay around to be used, and abused behind your back.

With quiet dignity I think I would contact the airline and ask if you could have an early flight back to UK.

Pack your bags, grab a taxi and get thee to the airport.

Leave a note explaining that you hope they enjoy the rest of the holiday, but that you are leaving. Oh and breaking up as well.

Did you pay for the accommodation in advance? If yes then you will just lose some money over the last few days. But if the accommodation still needs to be paid for, then speak to the proprietor to ensure that you pay your share and get a receipt for what you paid.

This girl is showing no loyalty to you.

In the circumstances you and her are over.

Hope you have alternative accommodation back in England. Staying with her for 5 days when you get back would be horrible, knowing that she intends to break up with you.

Why did she take you on the trip? To carry the luggage?

It does not feel good right now, but this disloyal girl has done you a favour. She has proved that she is not worthy of you. She is actively seeking to have sexual relations with another guy.

You CAN find a much nicer gal than this current Gf

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2016):

Hi mate,

I had a similar thing happen to me. I also was on holiday with a former girlfriend and on the last day, I found out she had another guy. I never said anything as I did not want drama and I like peace.

When I got home, I was livid, and it took me a week to ask her about him, and she lied initially, then tried to twist it on me. I began to feel bad. But it was not me with another guy.

If I were you, I would ask her point blank to her face, when she does not expect it. The advantage you have, is that you can prepare. You can show your self worth, you can book another room, and enjoy the holiday yourself. She will come back crying or she will feel bad.

One person is going to be hurt, she is ready for that to be you in England. So you should do it before she does by exposing her and walking, rather than being dumped for not being good enough.

She will rue it and come back knocking and you can then turn her down.

Don't make my mistake of being a nice guy to a bad girl.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2016):

You sound like myself a few years back. Love has you blind mate. If you looked at this girl without ur love goggles u would want slap yourself for asking what u should do. U should leave her asap and toughen up. Give a year from now on before letting love blind u in a relationship. Hope u have ur own place. If so cut this trip short and head home you got some work to do on you're self.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (30 October 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI think you should find a new hotel room to enjoy the rest of your holiday alone and not stay with her when you get back.

In future, I'd let the relationship blossom longer before going on holiday with someone.

I'm sorry this has happened, but I think you should just break up with her and go your separate ways now, making sure you take your passport, plane ticket and other things with you to the new hotel room.

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States + , writes (30 October 2016):

dougbcoll agony aunt well if it was me, i would feel walked on if i read a message from her knowing she was thinking of dumping me.

let me ask how can you trust her if she is texting an f##k buddy? that she wants to sleep with him again.

how can you build a relationship like that. where you can't trust her in the future wondering if she is with a f**k buddy while you are at work!

if it was me I would beat her to the punch and tell her that the time with her has been great, that you really have enjoyed your time with her. BUT i think we should cool things off. that you need some time alone. beat her to the punch.

you don't need a woman that cant be trusted, and text some guys telling them she wants to f##k them again.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2016):

Don't mention that you read the messages. I would just say "not sure how to say this but I don't really want to keep this going. I really think that we would both be happier with other people". Then move on. I would then ask her how she wants to proceed. If she wants to get her own room or just make the best from the 5 days as fwb at the most. When you return, cut ties and move onwards and upwards

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