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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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He's extremely possessive and mentally abusive but I still love him. Advice please!!
Q. Hi. I am new to this so very nervous. I really need some advice about my partner. I have been with him for just over a year and I feel like I can't do anything right. He mentally abuses me constantly..well this is what I'm guessing it is?! He will ...
A. 30 November 2018: Good for you OP! It isn't easy right now for you but things will get better just give it time. You did the right thing for yourself and saved yourself much hurt and pain that would have occurred had you stayed in the relationship. Just remember not ... (read in full...)
How do I stop thinking that my boyfriend's ex wife was the love of his life even though he says otherwise?
Q. Hi, probably seems silly but I have an amazing boyfriend who I know loves me and vice versa but many years ago when he was only 20 he met and married someone. He tells me he was young and silly, didn't love her age regrets the years he wasted ...
A. 21 November 2018: OP, why are you obsessing over something that happened close to 20 years ago? Your boyfriend has told you how he feels. Why don't you believe him? If you keep thinking the way that you are I can guarantee you that in time your boyfriend will get ... (read in full...)
I think he's going through a midlife crisis he went to Thailand and met a girl and he doesn't know that I know
Q. I have been dating a man for over a year who has just recently gone through a divorce. (Nothing to do with me). I felt he used me as a punching bag as he was very angry about the divorce although I knew he loved me. He stopped speaking to me f...
A. 19 November 2018: This is the relationship that you walk away from. Why stay? He's lied, he's cheated (definitely emotionally and probably physically), he tells his friends rather than you how he feels. He doesn't respect you. You are his rebound to get over the ... (read in full...)
He's extremely possessive and mentally abusive but I still love him. Advice please!!
Q. Hi. I am new to this so very nervous. I really need some advice about my partner. I have been with him for just over a year and I feel like I can't do anything right. He mentally abuses me constantly..well this is what I'm guessing it is?! He will ...
A. 13 November 2018: You are with a man that is a controller. He wants to control every part of you and your life, get you to the point where you will be totally dependent on him. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN! He is also being abusive and the odds are it will get worse as ... (read in full...)
My husband has had numerous affairs and somehow it's all my fault! Will he ever accept me and make me feel good about myself?
Q. I am the most pathetic person I have been married for 28 years. When we met we lived a long way from each other and eventually I moved 250 miles to where he lived. At the time this was because his job was better paid than mine but I now realise ...
A. 13 November 2018: Oh OP...WHY are you still with this man??? Your post makes me so sad. I am your age and let me tell you I would NEVER put up with this kind of crap for as long as you have! No OP he is NOT going to change! NEVER. You have put up with all of this, ... (read in full...)
I’m pregnant and confused and worried about what I should have happen next!
Q. Just wanted to ask others opinions on this subject. Basically i have quite a bit of bad look with relationships, i have my own house and and have been living on my own now with just my dog and rabbit which is how i like it for 3 years now. I did ...
A. 12 November 2018: You know yourself by now OP, and you are well aware of what makes you feel comfortable and what doesn't. If you are happy as you are then don't let him talk you into moving in with you. If it doesn't feel right then you should listen to your ... (read in full...)
Are LDR's real relationships, even if you haven't met them yet?
Q. Hello, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a man. He is from the US, and is 21 years old, and I am from the UK, and am 18 years old. We met online, and have been together for a couple of months now. We are still going strong...
A. 12 November 2018: They are real to a point. LDR can start out so easily and effortlessly and the next thing you know it you are hooked. What you have to remember is that you are seeing what the other person WANTS and ALLOWS you to see. Your imagination can fill in ... (read in full...)
I don’t know if I should date my coworker!
Q. UI think I know the answer to this, but I’m looking for someone to confirm that I’m doing the right thing. I’ve been in my current job for a year, and have sat right next to a man who is around my age. He’s not my normal type physically, but ...
A. 12 November 2018: Your instincts are correct. Its never a good idea to date a co-worker because other people will find out and gossip and worse than that if things go wrong you are stuck working with that person and it can get really awkward. I know people still go ... (read in full...)
I'm not in lov with him but scared of his reaction if I tell him.
Q. How do you break up with someone your not in love with without hurting them?I think my new boyfriend is obsessed with me and something just doesn't feel right. About a year ago I had a hurtful breakup with my ex boyfriend of 3 years who I deep...
A. 12 November 2018: OP, the smartest thing that you can do is to get out of this relationship ASAP. You don't love him and you are afraid of him? You have said that you know this is a red flag. Yes it is! He also is trying to get you to quit your job so he can take ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is perfect, but I want an open relationship.
Q. Hi people. I met my current girlfriend a little over two years ago and I was not the social type back then. I never really went out a lot and hanging out with friends was pretty much 'indoor'. After I met her I became very outgoing. We went t...
A. 11 November 2018: I agree with Auntybimbam..if your girlfriend is so perfect then you wouldn't want an open relationship. Just remember that works 2 ways..open for you, open for her. She can see and have sex with anyone she wants to. Sew your wild oats but just ... (read in full...)
I feel pathetic, its seven years and I am still not over him!
Q. Hi all, I’m going to keep this short and sweet and any help and advice is greatly appreciated. I was in a long distance relationship that ended in 2011 because my partner got depressed due to me always leaving to go back home. I’m Scottish and he’...
A. 10 November 2018: You aren't pathetic. Its just that you aren't really happy where you are right now in life so you play the "what if" game. I think most of us have done it from time to time, maybe even got on facebook and looked up an old ex to see where they are in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend celebrates Christmas with his ex and family and I am not even invited
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He is early 50 and I’m 30. He has 2 kids that are early twenties. They live and study abroad and from time to time are back in town. The problem is that he celebrated Christmas at ...
A. 7 November 2018: I wouldn't want to be treated in this manner, OP. It would be nice if they at least asked you and then you could decide whether you would like to join in but to not even be considered when your boyfriend knows that you will more than likely be ... (read in full...)
We have fun and the sex is amazing but then why doesn't he fall for me?
Q. Hey all. I feel like a spoilt brat here, like Verruca Salt when she can't get what she wants. I've completely fallen for a co worker. He works in another office and lives 80 miles away. He lives alone (divorced with a son) as I live with parents ...
A. 6 November 2018: My grandmother always used this expression in situations like this "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"? You've made it so easy for him he doesn't need or want anything else. Its a friends with benefits, he's happy with it that way and ... (read in full...)
Why do I attract abusive men? My current bf said that I deserve disrespect because I'm not glamorous!
Q. My boyfriend said I don't deserve to be talked at with respect because I'm not glam. Why do I attract abusive men both my last two boyfriend's have been that way. Verbally and physically....
A. 6 November 2018: I wouldn't be calling a man that talked to me like that a boyfriend. That's an EX boyfriend. Run darling...don't walk..run.
Only you can answer why you seem to pick out abusive men. Do you not have a high opinion of yourself? Do have low self est... (read in full...)
I don't understand why she did this to me
Q. I know part of the answer. She's selfish. Has some severe mental health issues but so do I, so I'm trying not to hold it against her. Been scouring all over the internet to understand. Narcissist? Bipolar? Just trying to make sense of all this. ...
A. 5 November 2018: OP, you will be ok I promise. There's nothing wrong with loving someone but sometimes we love the wrong people. Give your heart time to heal. Right now you are sad and hurting but in time you will be able to look back on this more clearly and you ... (read in full...)
I don't understand why she did this to me
Q. I know part of the answer. She's selfish. Has some severe mental health issues but so do I, so I'm trying not to hold it against her. Been scouring all over the internet to understand. Narcissist? Bipolar? Just trying to make sense of all this. ...
A. 5 November 2018: OP your name says it all...softhearted fool. Wiseowl is right, you are a romantic. Code warrior goes straight to the heart of the situation and absolutely cracks me up as usual he doesn't mince words.
You know what you needed to do and you did ... (read in full...)
Do I warn others hes a serious fantasist
Q. So just over a year ago i met a man on a dating site and we decided to make a go of it. Everything was great for the first couple of month then he sectioned himself. He had told me prior to meeting his mental health issues. So we kind of had a break ...
A. 2 November 2018: I find it disturbing that you kept dating him when you realized what kind of a person he was. Who does that??? Stop worrying about him and worry about yourself OP. It honestly sounds like you have issues of your own. Other women would never keep ... (read in full...)
My married lover doesn't want me to go on trips by myself. Why doesn't he trust me?
Q. My married lover travels with his wife up to 3-5 times a year. The longest he is away is a month at a time. It's very difficult for me, even though I've chosen to place myself in this role. I feel resentful and left behind. They are natural ...
A. 1 November 2018: The fact of the matter is that you are both cheating so do you really trust one another? He's cheating on his wife and you know he's married and yet you are seeing him. How can there be trust? Of course he doesn't trust you because he figures if you ... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?
Q. My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...
A. 31 October 2018: wow..I think if anyone should be worried its the boyfriend. Little too much drama over something that was innocent... (read in full...)
A friend is interested in a poly-amorous relationship but how do I tell my wife?
Q. I and my wife have been married for 40 years and our love for each other is as solid now as it ever has been. Our sex life up until 8 years ago was very satisfying. Eight years ago my wife sustained an injury which has left her house bound. She ...
A. 30 October 2018: I am happy that you spoke to your wife and you were both able to express how you truly felt. When you really love someone you can make all kinds of sacrifices..things that you might have never thought you could do. I hope that things work out for ... (read in full...)
I can't give either of them up but I know I need to in the long term.
Q. I'm in a relationship with a great man. We have our ups and downs as do any couple but he is undoubtably who I want to be with and we are on the whole very happy. However. I have been having a fling/relationship - call or what you will, with someo...
A. 27 October 2018: Do you have any idea how hurt your partner would be if he were to find out about the other guy? Put yourself in his place. How would YOU feel if he had been sneaking around and messing around with another woman all these years? I doubt very ... (read in full...)
I cannot tollerate my ex husband so why do I feel angry and rejected?
Q. I absolutely know that I cannot stay with my husband. We are near divorce and there are things I cannot tolerate about him. However, I still ache, I still miss the good stuff....and honestly word of his new relationship is killing me. I have ...
A. 25 October 2018: You don't say how long you have known him or how long you were married but I can honestly say that what you are going through is normal or at least it was for me. You are losing someone that was a part of your life, you shared everything with and ... (read in full...)
My LDR guy ignores and hurts me.
Q. We are certainly not young in age: I'm 45 and my partner is 61 years old but both are new in LDR world. 2 years ago my partner has lived and worked in different country and we have been apart since then. He is workaholic. As a result he focuse...
A. 22 October 2018: Long distance relationships are very difficult and to be honest not too many couples can survive them for a long period of time. They require extra effort just because you can't always see or hold or touch your mate. They also require extreme trust ... (read in full...)
When discussing sexual history, do handjobs count as sex?
Q. When discussing sexual history should people you didn't have sex with but gave handjobs to count? I know to count oral and vaginal ( I never had anal.) but do handjobs you've given typically go into that count?...
A. 21 October 2018: I agree 100% with Wiseowl. Opening up yourself and laying your sexual history bare is NOT smart. Some people are totally ok with it, but many are not and if you have a jealous or insecure lover you are SCREWED. They will mull it over and over in ... (read in full...)
My husband wont discuss things and gives me the silent treatment.
Q. Hello and thanks I tried writing in before but can't seem to find my question. My husband is very popular, and 10 years younger than myself. His friends are a huge part of his life and I knew that from day one. Sometimes I do get a bit a...
A. 19 October 2018: I think I'd be getting my affairs in order and seeking an attorney. This situation sounds very dicey. If you don't trust your husband then why stay? It sounds like he gives you many reasons to feel insecure. No one should have to live like that. ... (read in full...)
Engagement called off due to past relationship how do I fix things?
Q. I was engaged to a wonderful guy.He is a virgin and have very high Morales and values.However, i lied to him about my past relationship and virginity. Engagement called off due to videos and pictures of sexual activity and intimate ones,ta...
A. 13 October 2018: I don't see how this can be fixed according to what I know about your culture. You lied and you can't get out of it because it was right there for everyone to see. Your relationship with your fiance is over and I don't believe there is any way it ... (read in full...)
Is he flirting or am I reading too much into his actions?
Q. I recently transferred into a different team at work and started working very closely with the guy who recommended me for the role. I REALLY like him as as a person and we get along great. Sometimes have suspicion that he 'likes' me, but then I t...
A. 12 October 2018: I'm going to chime right in with Honeypie. DO NOT date a co-worker. Its just asking for trouble. Office romances at best normally do not end well and at the worst can be disastrous.
You've already been down this road so why go down it again? K... (read in full...)
Should I tell my potential mistress that my marriage is falling apart (not true) in order to increase my chances that she'll do it without guilt?
Q. My question is simple. I'm married and going on a trip this weekend to meet a friend that I'd like to get intimate with. She knows I'm married, but has hinted she doesn't care that much. However, I'm not sure I trust that. Should I tell her that my ...
A. 8 October 2018: wow...I've been on DC for a very long time but you buddy have got some big cahoonas! You must be kidding if you honestly think someone on here is going to give you advice when about 95% of our posts are about people trying to mend relationships, not ... (read in full...)
My wife's adult children are bums whose lifestyles I pay for.
Q. Hi all, I have a problem. First off, I've been married for over 21 years. We largely get along -- mostly because I don't complain about much. During that time, I have raised my wife's 2 children from her previous marriage. They are cur...
A. 5 October 2018: OP, please do not be offended but you are what is called a marshmallow, or a doormat. You are letting everyone walk all over you, push you around and not doing anything about it. My father was this way, bless his heart. My mother walked all over him ... (read in full...)
Why am I contemplating taking a job that makes my abusive ex my supervisor?
Q. I'm not even sure why I am asking this question, when the answer seems so obvious. I think I am finding it difficult to trust myself not to get involved in this weird situation, out of desperation really, and because I've had to force myself to do ...
A. 3 October 2018: I believe hopelessness and desperation are clouding your judgment right now. There is NO WAY you should consider working with an abusive ex knowing he will be your boss! You would be opening yourself up to all kinds of drama and headaches. Just say ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my controlling husband?
Q. my husband is very controlling he times my every move. tells me to pack my clothes when I try to go see my friend and says housework is women work. and we both work. he spends all the extra money we are about behind on our bills that I take care of ...
A. 30 September 2018: Life is waaaaay too short to be married to someone that doesn't treat you with love and respect. Try talking to your husband calmly and rationally. Make a list if you need to and tell him what you are feeling. Hopefully he will be receptive. If you ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to ask out a girl from my workplace just for the fact that I find her beautiful?
Q. Hello Agony Aunts and Uncles. I’ve recently broke up with a girlfriend (if you can call 1 year as recent). I’m not used to the whole dating game and being single thing but I’m thinking of asking out this girl. I’ve never dated anyone since my break ...
A. 30 September 2018: Sam, you don't sound like a dork. You sound confused and inexperienced. This website is here to help people so don't apologize because you don't know something. Most of us here have come to this website at one time asking questions ourselves! When ... (read in full...)
My heart is broken, I have a lot of resentment and I am seeking peace.
Q. I have been married to my husband for almost 35 years, although we were separated for the first 20. While we were separated I did have a long relationship , but he didn’t. In the 15 or so years we’ve been reunited, we have had communication issues ...
A. 29 September 2018: I am in the same age range as you are and I will tell you that at this point in my life my attitude is that life is too short to be unhappy. Every day is something to cherish because let's face it...more than likely 2/3rds of our life has gone by. ... (read in full...)
My daughter is in her terrible teens and is unhappy with the lifestyle that she has, even though I'm doing everything I can for her
Q. Hello. My daughter has recently started transitioning from the fun loving kid she was into a teenager who's seemingly starting to rebel, or at least doing the whole i need independence from mom gig. Shes glued to her phone, enjoys time with ...
A. 29 September 2018: Teenager daughters can be trying at the best and impossible at the worst! I had both a son and a daughter and trust me, my son was far more easy to raise. Daughters are these sweet lovely creatures that at about 12-13 suddenly turn into these ... (read in full...)
Is it okay to ask out a girl from my workplace just for the fact that I find her beautiful?
Q. Hello Agony Aunts and Uncles. I’ve recently broke up with a girlfriend (if you can call 1 year as recent). I’m not used to the whole dating game and being single thing but I’m thinking of asking out this girl. I’ve never dated anyone since my break ...
A. 29 September 2018: I strongly caution you to date someone that you work with. It can cause unwanted attention drawn to you, gossip and the list just goes on and on. To make matters worse, in house relationships rarely work out and then you are left trying to figure ... (read in full...)
My fiance is a virgin but I've slept with 6 people and had an abortion. Do I need to tell him all this?
Q. Hi, I am engaged to a wonderful guy from the last 5 months, we are going to get married this December 2018,I came to know by investigation and inspection and his views and thoughts and actions, that he is a virgin and he is against premarital sex ...
A. 19 September 2018: I will say straight off that secrets don't normally stay secret. Lies can turn into bigger lies. I guess you haven't lied you just haven't disclosed. Be aware that IF he should find out he will more than likely be very angry. People do not like to ... (read in full...)
My progressive hair loss is making me insecure about dating
Q. Hi all, I'm having a real tough time with my confidence on dates. This has been due to my now significant hair loss. I'm in my late 20's and recently went out with a girl who i'd not seen for almost a year (i'd had to move away for work, but we kept ...
A. 15 September 2018: I agree that your insecurity may be causing you more problems than your hair or lack of it. Sweetie..you have GOT to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. When you are happy with yourself it will show. A little secret: for most women ... (read in full...)
Would it be ok to ask my mum to buy me a vibrator?
Q. I'm 17 and have the money to buy a vibrator, but I have no way of actually getting one by myself. I don't have any friends old enough to take me some where that will sell them to people under 18, and I don't have a credit/debit card so I can't buy ...
A. 15 September 2018: Nope. I had a teen aged daughter and if she had asked me for one I think I would have freaked out and we were close and I consider myself quite open minded but its just weird and has that "EWWW" factor to it.
Get it online as Honeypie suggeste... (read in full...)
My brother finally introduced us to his fiance - she's my ex!
Q. My brother has recently introduced the family to his new fiancée - but there's a massive issue. Basically he lives away and none of us have met her before - we only knew her name. We were all excited to meet her - but when he introduced her to ...
A. 13 September 2018: I've been on DC for over 10 years and this whole scenario doesn't make any sense. Your ex girlfriend that you have a child with and no one in your family knows anything about just happens to be dating your brother and he knows NOTHING about your ... (read in full...)
My husband has blocked me on his phone and adds, texts other women
Q. Hi aunts I got my second marriage and I got trust issues now because my first marriage ended with betrayal and I am afraid this might turn up in same manner. I don't understand if all men do this. My husband is always checking his Facebook account...
A. 12 September 2018: If you don't trust your husband then your marriage is already on very shaky ground. A relationship will not survive without trust. I totally understand where you are coming from he hasn't really given you reasons to trust him. My ex husband was like ... (read in full...)
I dumped my boyfriend for sponging off of me but now I feel guilty
Q. I’ve been dating this guy for 9 months now. Things started off great and though we have had a few issues I feel like they can be worked through. The latest issue though is surrounding money. He lost his job a few months ago and has been having a...
A. 12 September 2018: You did the right thing for yourself and your daughter. He was basically taking food from your daughter. Its not like he is out on the streets, he has a home, a mom (feel sorry the mother though unless she is an enabler). It isn't your ... (read in full...)
My husband cheated while we were separated
Q. Hi, I have been married for 14 years now and have a 11 year old son. I walked out of his home 7 years back when I couldnt get along with his parents and he wasnt ready to live separately with ME. He would come and see me and my son on weekends. But ...
A. 4 September 2018: A little bit of friendly advice here. Stop holding onto anger and resentment. You pushed your husband away and then forbid him from seeing his son, hanging on to a marriage that is dead and upset because your husband is seeing someone else when you ... (read in full...)
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