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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...
A. 26 March 2019: Sorry sweets but I seriously doubt if you are going to find anyone on here that will agree that you should be allowed to have a sleepover with a boy when you are 16. It doesn't matter how innocent you may make it sound or what religion the parents ... (read in full...)
I'm very attracted to a man who has kids and is separated. I'm torn about whether to move forward with him
Q. Hi all - any advice or thoughts on the following would be much appreciated as I'm at a total loss, something very uncommon for me. A series of events happened in my life that caused me to relocate to a brand new city without knowing anyone. ...
A. 24 March 2019: You would be wise to step back and not get involved till you know more. He's already being rather shady and holding back information and that doesn't bode well. Why would he joke about something like that? Are you sure he's not a player? People will ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be a bit incompatible in your sex life?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and when we first got together, we had quite a lot of sex. Before him, I hadn't really found anyone that I "clicked" with so kind of went without. When we were first dating, we did it a LOT. Like, 2 times a ...
A. 21 March 2019: I think its pretty common that most couples are not equally matched in their desires for sex. The happy partnerships are the ones where they reach some sort of compromise where both people are relatively happy. Lets face it..you give a little..you ... (read in full...)
Why did he unmatch me after hooking up?
Q. I hooked up with this guy from Tinder the other night but we didn't have sex because I was on my period. That didn't seem to bother him but I was uncomfortable with it and gave him oral instead. I told him next time we will go all the way and he ...
A. 20 March 2019: It sounds like he got what he wanted and now that he did he no longer wishes to be around you. Its not very nice but some people really operate that way. I'm afraid this is one you need to write off and move on.... (read in full...)
I am not sure that I can be the support system I think my b/f needs
Q. Hi all! I have been dating my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship was very fast moving and we basically were pretty "offical" after a few weeks of dating. He was pretty intense, But I felt like I had finally found someone who really cared...
A. 18 March 2019: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you questioning whether or not you should stay in this relationship. It sounds like the guy has alot going on and being with him long term will suck the life out of you. Its not his fault but he needs ... (read in full...)
Wife hides her family and past from me
Q. I recently found out that my wife’s sister has past. I am upset because I never even knew she had a sister. My wife hides her family and her past from me. Worse she asked me not to come to the funeral and wants to go alone. We have been married for ...
A. 18 March 2019: If you love your wife then the best thing you can do is to respect her, support her and allow her to go alone. She has her reasons whatever they are. If she wants to open up to you she will. Just ask her if you can help her in any way.
Some ... (read in full...)
Why am I kept separate from his family?!?
Q. Im not sure what to do. Ive been seeing a guy who i met from work for around 2 years, we dont work together now and we have separate places too. The relationship got off to a rocky start due to work colleagues gossping and me cheating with an...
A. 15 March 2019: Normally when a person is in love they want to tell the whole world and are proud of their partner. Doesn't that sort of say it all? It sounds like you are his dirty little secret for whatever reason. Why do you stay? If he won't give you answers ... (read in full...)
I didn't marry my husband for love. Can I learn to love him?
Q. I have been with my husband for over 5 years now. I think I made a mistake in marrying him. He’s handsome, successful, nice, funny, and an all around good person. When we first met I never felt a connection or spark but kept talking with him because ...
A. 8 March 2019: I believe many people are in loveless marriages, for all different kinds of reasons. It all depends on the 2 people and what they both want/need and what they are getting out of the marriage as to whether it will work or not.
I did love my ex hu... (read in full...)
I suspect he’s trying to cheat on her with me. Should I confront him?
Q. I matched with his guy on a dating site a couple months ago and give him my number. He clearly only wants to hook up and that's ok with me because I'm not trying to date him, just wanna have some fun with him. We have yet to meet in person but I did ...
A. 7 March 2019: The smartest thing to do is to block him and delete him out of your life. Why ask for all the drama that would go along with meeting him and confronting him? He'll just lie and make up some BS story. Why involve yourself with all that unnecessary ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but had a one night stand. Pregnant and not sure who the father is
Q. I habe been dating my bf for almost 6 months now. He is a great guy and i really like hin. But i made a huge mistake. I have been talking to a guy I met in an online chat room for almost a year now, 2 months ago he flew to my home town and we spent ...
A. 6 March 2019: Your father might be disappointed in your actions but he loves you and I'm sure he just wants the best for you. It is a shock for a parent when their child announces that they are having a baby if it wasn't planned or under the best circumstances ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but had a one night stand. Pregnant and not sure who the father is
Q. I habe been dating my bf for almost 6 months now. He is a great guy and i really like hin. But i made a huge mistake. I have been talking to a guy I met in an online chat room for almost a year now, 2 months ago he flew to my home town and we spent ...
A. 5 March 2019: First of all, hugs to you. I have been in a situation similar to yours years ago and I know how confusing and frightening it can be to be pregnant when you are very young. I was 19 and got pregnant by my also 19 year old boyfriend. He wanted to get ... (read in full...)
I’ll go on what seems to be a very good date and then never hear back!How do I stay positive?
Q. I’ve been using a popular dating app and marchebwkth a guy who also put that he was looking for a relationship on his profile. He asked me out and we had a great date this Friday . Lots of laughs, chemistry, etc. I was careful to keep things ligh...
A. 5 March 2019: While its true that some people know from the first date that they have found "the one", most of us aren't that lucky and may have to "kiss alot of frogs" before we find someone that we really connect to and wish to continue to date. Remember thats ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he want to come home with me?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now. He said he likes me and wasn't seeing anyone else. On our last date, we had a passionate make out and he said that I was beautiful and sexy and really turned him on. In fact, he had to stop himself a ...
A. 4 March 2019: Mind up your mind OP and stick with it. The poor guy can't read your mind and maybe he's trying to be respectful. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Men are usually very straight forward and don't play the game that women sometimes play where ... (read in full...)
Do couples that have been together a long time have deeper love?
Q. Hey all Might seem a silly question but i wondered if a couple are together a long time does it mean their love is going to be deeper than a couple who have say been together a couple of years as opposed to ten years?...
A. 4 March 2019: There is no blanket answer for this. Yes it is possible to grow together and love each other more and more as time goes on but it is also possible for love to turn into dislike, distrust and in some cases pure outright hatred. My parents were ... (read in full...)
I asked my mother not to say negative things about my father and now she isn't speaking to me
Q. My parents are divorced and I live with my mother and younger brother. The break-up between my parents was extremely sour. My father was never really the "#1 dad" type of figure because he had his issues with a drug addiction. My brother and I never ...
A. 3 March 2019: I was in a situation like your mother. My ex husband beat me, cheated on me and didn't pay child support for our daughter until he was forced to by court order when she was 16. He has been married and divorced 5 times. He got remarried 6 weeks after ... (read in full...)
My bf just got tattoos for his deceased ex wife!
Q. I'd like to have some opinions about my situation. My bf just got huge tattoo representing his dead ex wife. We became couple after he was separated from his ex but shortly after she passed away and he was the one found her dead on the floor at...
A. 1 March 2019: OP, go with your gut feelings on this. You are friends and that is all that he wants. A man in love will proudly declare a woman as his girlfriend, his partner, his mate...not call her a "friend". Trust him he is telling you what he feels. LISTEN to ... (read in full...)
I'm 64 but still frightened of my dying mother.
Q. My elderly narcissistic mother is dying in hospital and after a violent abusive childhood, I hate having to see her. She's an embittered, difficult, hard to please woman and I feel very nervous in her company. I'm 64 now, yet still frightened of ...
A. 28 February 2019: Wiseowl gave very good advice. I hope you will consider his gems of wisdom. The reason I feel so strongly about what he wrote is because I have the same sort of situation with my mother as you do and finally after years of staying quiet and ... (read in full...)
How can I help this relationship survive?
Q. I am 40 F,3 years ago I met a 21F College student that was on a internship.(Asia)- I Never dated woman before. At the time I was in a leadership role within the college. She made passes and I resisted, because I was nervous, scared and becau...
A. 25 February 2019: Sad to say but I don't think there is anything to save. You had so many factors working against you and for whatever reason, she chose to move on.
I will tell you that her family could have much more influence than what you realize. I am married ... (read in full...)
Am I fighting a losing battle? She is still speaking to her abusive husband!
Q. So... there's a woman I've been talking to for a little over a month. And when we're together, things are good for the most part. The problem is... this woman is married to a man that she has been involved with for a few years. He has threatened h...
A. 21 February 2019: OP, you wanted advice so I hope you will listen to what we are telling you. Walk away from this situation. I am telling you this speaking as an ex wife of an abusive man. Abusive men are usually very jealous and controlling. It would take very ... (read in full...)
In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...
A. 16 February 2019: OP, most people on this website have never been in the relationship that you are in so they can only give the advice based on the knowledge that they have. I don't think anyone here is trying to be mean but your situation isn't normal to most of ... (read in full...)
Were my comments racist?
Q. Hi everyone, I had an interesting and slightly upsetting conversation with a friend tonight. We got on to many inane topics that a few drinks brought to the surface and he asked me about my ‘type’. I explained that I am not someone to gener...
A. 15 February 2019: I don't believe what you said was racist. Its a preference and most people do have preferences when it comes to dating. I think your friend may have been a little drunk and possibly looking for a fight. Sorry but I disagree totally with WiseOwl on ... (read in full...)
My ex changed my Netflix avatar on his account
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend split up with me a couple of weeks ago and i have not heard from him (we had a fall out) He has a Netflix account and he has himself, my daughter and me on it with our names which have always been under a square blank...
A. 10 February 2019: Maybe he was bored? Maybe he knew you would see it and it would be a reason for you to talk to him? Who knows? ASK HIM... (read in full...)
In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...
A. 10 February 2019: OP, I have been on DC for over 10 years and I honestly don't think you are going to find too many people that will come on here stating that they have been in a relationship like yours so...I guess the advice you are going to get is from ... (read in full...)
I think this is not acceptable and he thinks I’m overreacting!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a Log Distance Relationship for several years now. We just saw each other this past week. We do have plans to be together physically within the next year or so. Tonight, I received a call and then a text from him that...
A. 9 February 2019: I do not blame you one little bit for being upset. He's throwing up smokescreens and acting all innocent but the fact of the matter is that he crossed the line between being professional and being friends. I would be teed off by almost all of his ... (read in full...)
Do you think that sounds like she is looking for sex?
Q. Hi I met a girl online and on the same day she suggested I could visit her, stay in a hotel and she would spend the night with me. She says she wants something more than just a hookup. I'm really not sure what is going on here. Do you think that sou...
A. 6 February 2019: Sounds like set up..could be something like the old show "To catch a Predator". google it. Don't do it. You might wind up in jail..or dead.... (read in full...)
I’m miserable in our relationship and don’t know what to do!
Q. Hi I’ve been with my fiancé for 5 years now we split up for a couple of months last year we got back together but I told him things needed to change as soon as he gets home from work he starts getting stoned I go to work half hour after he comes ...
A. 6 February 2019: Wiseowl got here before me and stole my fire...lol...so I will just reiterate what he said. NEVER go into or stay in a relationship expecting someone to change. I can't stress this enough. People change because THEY want to, not because WE want them ... (read in full...)
Does it sound like my boyfriend is married or not?
Q. I found out my boyfriend had someone else a couple of years ago.this woman has phoned me a few times claiming to be his wife but what she says doesn't add up.he admits to having had a relationship with her but denies they are married.when I first ...
A. 5 February 2019: WAAAAAY too much drama. Why would you hang around to see who his favorite is? He's a liar, a cheat and God knows what else. Cut him loose before he takes your money. No one is worth this mess.... (read in full...)
What is more important for a long term relationship: sexual attraction or comapnionship?
Q. The last two relationships I was in were with two very different types of people. One was with a guy who flirted with me from the day we met, and who I was strongly attracted to. Once we broke the ice we couldn't keep our hands off each other. The ...
A. 5 February 2019: Its best to have both. If you only have sexual attraction then what happens if the person gets seriously hurt or very ill and their appearance changes and you no longer find them attractive? People obviously change over time but if you have a bond ... (read in full...)
I love dogs but my boyfriend doesn't. How can I make him change his mind?
Q. My bf and me got into an argument tonight because we were talking about dogs and I said they are better than people. He asked why I think that. I said because dogs are so selfless and pure. They are always happy and love unconditionally. Unlike ...
A. 4 February 2019: I dont think you are going to be able to talk him into suddenly wanting a dog. If he tells you he doesn't want a dog, believe him. Its sad but its pretty much either him or a dog but not both.
I love animals and I am particularly a cat lover. W... (read in full...)
Were my in-laws out of line or did my brother overreact to an innocent question?
Q. My in-laws have a problem with boundaries and they are kind of are drama queens. My younger brother on the other hand is more of a private person. So my wife and I had a six month old baby. On Christmas Day, we all had our families over (m...
A. 4 February 2019: First of all I'd stay out of this as much as possible. Its kind of a sticky mess but you aren't your brother or his keeper. I do believe that the inlaws more than likely didnt mean any offense and were probably just trying to make conversation. We ... (read in full...)
I just found out that he's married and having an affair with me behind his wife's back! I want to run but he makes me happier than I've ever been. What do I do?
Q. I have been dating the love of my life for 4 months. I am an extremely introverted person, but felt extremely comfortable with him from day 1. The connection that we share is indescribable. He is the sweetest, most loving man that I have ever met ...
A. 30 January 2019: OP, unless you have no morals and no conscious then you already know what to do. I will ask you this. If this was your husband and you found out he was cheating on you and lying to you, how would you feel? Have you put yourself in his wife's shoes? ... (read in full...)
My daughter just found out that I am her biological father not the man she grew up calling dad. Do I contact her?
Q. My question is thirty years ago I was very much in love with my youth sweetheart,but she she got married but we never stopped seeing each other, she had to children, we didn't know if her daughter was her husband or mine but we split up for the ...
A. 28 January 2019: I believe your instincts are correct. Leave it up to her. If she wants to get in contact with you she will find a way to do so. It has to be a shock to her after all these years to discover the man she thought was her father is in fact not her ... (read in full...)
I feel like he likes me but isn’t sure about taking the next step?
Q. So I’m in a bizarre situation at the moment. I’m 20 years old but I only just had my first kiss with this guy I really like. We met at a party and started messaging every day. I was going overseas so I invited him to a friends party - he didn’t ...
A. 27 January 2019: Men usually say what they mean and mean what they say. They normally don't mince words. If he told you that he just wanted to be friends, believe him. Don't try to read between the lines or look for a hidden meaning. There isn't one.
A few good... (read in full...)
I want to give him one more chance and I also don’t!
Q. My boyfriend and i habe been together for 2.5years.. In our time together ive caught him talking to/ getting pics from at least 10 different women. Hes not a terrible boyfriend.. He can be a jerk and a child at times but i do still love him.....
A. 27 January 2019: A critical mistake that people make in relationships is thinking or trying to change their partner. People change because they WANT to, not because someone WANTS them to. There is a huge difference.
Your guy doesn't want to change. Why should h... (read in full...)
Why does he act this way?
Q. There is a guy who I see around my work sometimes and I am attracted to. I have tried hinting at him that I like him, such as telling him he makes me blush and tease him abit. He has given me high-fives, told me "we need more of you around" ...
A. 26 January 2019: I agree with Honeypie he either has a girlfriend or has found out that you like him and now he's uncomfortable around you.
Its never good to date someone you work with it can just cause way too many problems and some places will even fire you if y... (read in full...)
I feel forced to have sex to maintain the relationship
Q. I'm a bit confused I'm in a relationship and I like the relationship the romance kissing and cuddles but I don't really like having sex I've never really liked it. I feel forced to do it as part of the relationship everyday several times a day and I ...
A. 25 January 2019: Wow..I am like all the other aunts/uncles. 3-4 times a day? Does the man have a job? Any other interests? If you both were in your teens or early 20's I could understand but at 40??? Is he taking viagra or something? Its rather unusual for a ... (read in full...)
He's coming on too strong, talks about sex a lot, has a child with an ex. Should I ignore these red flags?
Q. So about 6 months ago I met this attractive guy.. we met in a cute way as I got him lost accidentally by trying to help with directions, and he later gave me his number and name, which I hadn't asked for. I added him on Facebook and he messaged me, ...
A. 24 January 2019: The other aunts are right...don't ignore the red flags! I made this mistake at 19 and married a guy very similar to the one you are describing. He was very funny, charming and he really did make me laugh after just coming off of a breakup. It was a ... (read in full...)
Should I let her go unless she takes the initiative?
Q. I have been in a relationship for many years. We do not live together because we both agreed we would wait until each of our children are grown before we combine our households. There have been "ups and downs" over the years, but never anything ...
A. 23 January 2019: You have been great advice. I would just like to add this. IF your lady friend is around the same age as you, then she is also in my age range and could very well be going through menopause. Let me tell you first hand that her emotions could very ... (read in full...)
Why is he so reluctant to move in together?
Q. My boyfriend of 18 months is reluctant to move in together. We have discussed it and he has said that he wants to, in the next year. But when I try to talk about it he gets grumpy and seems uninterested and irritated. For example, I had to go home ...
A. 22 January 2019: He isn't ready and he doesn't want to talk about it but apparently you are making little remarks and "hints" and I'm guessing he feels pressured. Men usually say exactly what they mean and don't beat around the bush like we ladies sometimes assuming ... (read in full...)
I’m sad and lonely and find myself masturbating too much. Any advice?
Q. ive just turned 30 and I've been sad and alone recently. Every time i asked a girl out either: they're gay, not dating "right now", or see me better as a friend. recently things in my life haven't been going well. personal failures and lif...
A. 22 January 2019: We all have down times and periods where we feel low. It happens to all of us. You need to do something with your extra time and energy. Why not take up a new hobby? Volunteer somewhere where you can get out and meet with others that have similar ... (read in full...)
Is he completely dense? Should we just give up trying to tell him he’s making the biggest mistake of his life?
Q. Hi guys so firstly this us a follow on from a post at Christmas- thank you all for your excellent advice The situation was a mutual good friend had got himself involved with a girl we all knew was bad news- disrespected him, took money and gene...
A. 21 January 2019: Love is a very powerful drug it can make sane people do the craziest things. As they say "love is blind". He doesn't see or hear what you and his friends do and the harder you try to convince him he's doing the wrong thing, the more he will go ... (read in full...)
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