New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I'm not in lov with him but scared of his reaction if I tell him.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 12 November 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

How do you break up with someone your not in love with without hurting them?I think my new boyfriend is obsessed with me and something just doesn't feel right.

About a year ago I had a hurtful breakup with my ex boyfriend of 3 years who I deeply loved.I was so devastated I went on dates to get my mind off of him.

About a month after the breakup I met my current boyfriend and we starting dating. He is so romantic and responsible.Everything I wanted my ex to be in the beginning. I had high hopes we could work.Eventually We made it exclusive.

The problem is we've been together a year and he is becoming very attached to me and sometimes possessive. He says he loves me, he's ready for us to have children and marry.

I don't know why but I haven't fallen in love with him! I like him,I care about him but I don't feel chemistry that way and I've been trying to force it but its not working.

I've been forcing it because I'm scared of many things. I'm scared of starting over at my age,and a little scared of how he would react if i ended things.

He has a horrible temper and can be very emotional and impulsive which is a red flag for me and part of the reason I don't see the relationship working.

He seems to be getting very jealous asking me questions about where I am and telling me to quit my job and move in with him so he can take care of me.

I feel like I made a mistake being with him and I don't know how to get out of this respectfully without any drama.

He's done so much for me to keep me in the relationship.I feel guilty that I don't love him.

View related questions: jealous, my ex

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 November 2018):

Honeypie agony auntThe sooner you end it the better.

Tell him that you have realized he is far more invested than you are and that you don't want to waste his time, you just don't see this going to continue as a long term relationship. That maybe you jumped into a relationship with him too soon after the previous break up.

Make it short and sweet. And... I would ENSURE that HE doesn't have stuff at your place your you at his.

You can't really break up with someone who cares for you, and NOT hurt them.

I'd say meet in public and tell him this. Have a friend (I'd suggest a female unless you have a brother old enough to be there) and after you end it, BLOCK,DELETE and remove all access.

You know he isn't good for you and he is NOT the one you want to be with.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (12 November 2018):

mystiquek agony auntOP, the smartest thing that you can do is to get out of this relationship ASAP. You don't love him and you are afraid of him? You have said that you know this is a red flag. Yes it is! He also is trying to get you to quit your job so he can take care of you? AKA..CONTROL you and you will be dependent on him. This is what controlling people do and it would only get worse if you would do what he asks. The red flags are all around you don't ignore them!

As the other lovely aunts/uncles have said, figure out what you want to say, and do not meet him alone. Go to a public place or have a friend/male family member close by. END IT. Make it short sweet just say something along the lines that you just can't see things going anywhere and you don't want to waste his time, thank him for his kindness, wish him well and END IT. Don't stay in touch.

Be smart and safe sweets. He sounds like he could be very scary if crossed. Don't put yourself in a scary situation.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2018):

It seems this guy may have been a rebound-romance following your previous breakup. That's why you should never seek comfort for post-breakup emotions by dating. Your current situation is exactly what could happen. The rebound-guy becomes attached; and they could be absolutely the wrong person.

You have to summon the courage to tell this guy the truth. You could find yourself in this situation for years to come; and it will start to feel like a hostage situation.

You got yourself into this, now you have to get yourself out!

Fear ain't no excuse! What are you waiting for? Some other reason to piss him off, and get your teeth knocked-out?

Set your phone on speed-dial for a male family-member, the police, or send a group-text to all your friends; if you fear he will hurt you after telling him. Don't wait for a heated argument or watch him go-off. Call for help as soon as you tell him. Alert friends and family ahead of time.

Always inform your family when in a scary domestic-situation or relationship. Hiding it is stupid and dangerous. Fear is heightened by being in the situation alone.

Either have him leave, or ask someone come and pick you up.

If he makes threats, report it to the police; file an order of protection, and call the police anytime you feel threatened. Cut-off all contact, block calls, and have family and friends around you until you feel safe.

End it now! Sooner rather than later.

It's even more dangerous to lead him on, bottle it up until you lose it; then blurt it out in the heat of an argument! Like too many foolish women might do in a situation like yours! That is like throwing gasoline on a campfire!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 November 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntYou can't force yourself to love him if you simply can't. To be honest, the temper and controlling tendencies should be sufficient to make anyone question the viability of the relationship. You are right to want to get out. You know you NEED to get out. Staying is not an option if you don't love this guy and if you are scared of him.

Tell him in a public place that you have decided the relationship is not going to work for you. Make sure you can get home independently, i.e. not having to accept a lift from him. Perhaps even arrange to have someone drop you off and wait for you so that you are not alone.

Think beforehand what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. You can be honest without being cruel. Just tell him it is not working for you and that you cannot love him as he deserves. You do not need to enter into prolonged discussions or give lots of "reasons".

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2018):

Don't screw up your life, date, but wait....for the right person. YOu'll both know it shortly after you meet each other.

2 weeks after I met my love, who was with a girl I dated only a few times, we just knew we had to get married, soon as possble. But us both being only child, and her 23 and me 26 we had a nice church wedding soon as we could only 10 months later. I love her more now after 54 years of marriage than I did thenj.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I'm not in lov with him but scared of his reaction if I tell him."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0312758000000031!