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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Do I contact him over this rude breakup?
Q. I got in from work to find a email off my boyfriend saying because I'm not an animal person (he has a cat) it won't work out. I have a cat myself. He has blocked me off everything and I don’t know why so I can’t ask him. I knew he was having a few ...
A. 5 January 2018: It is very cowardly and hurtful the way he handled the breakup but somewhere down the road you are going to be glad that he ended things and you'll realize he was a jerk. Cry my dear get him out of your system and move on. A real man wouldn't end ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about the looks I will get if I buy condoms
Q. Hi all, Recently, I got together with a guy and well, our relationship has been moving fairly quickly. I absolutely okay with how it's going. So, I was just wondering, he will coming to visit me at my own place (I live near my uni campus), and lik...
A. 2 January 2018: Why not do as honeypie suggested and go to a pharmacy that is further away from where you usually shop? Its less likely that you will run into people that you know. Just to put things into perspective....if you are worried about what kind of looks ... (read in full...)
I told my wife the truth and she is furious!
Q. I have been married to my wife for about 11 years now and have 2 kids, a girl aged 8 and a boy aged 4. Recently I was on a night out with friends and were at this bar where we met a few girls and ended up going to their apartment which was nearby. ...
A. 29 December 2017: OP, its a good sign that you told your wife the truth rather than have her find out through someone else but honestly what did you expect her reaction to be? You didn't think she was going to hug you and kiss you and thank you for being honest did ... (read in full...)
Family troubles have me at my wits end
Q. I’m in a tough spot. Due to some circumstances, I am living with my boyfriend and his siblings in their parents summer home. It was a very good living situation - none of us paid rent and we had a huge house to the four of us while his parent...
A. 26 December 2017: You are in an unfortunate situation. I agree with everything that youcannotbeserious said. One thing that I want to drive home to you is that 99% of the time "blood is thicker than water" holds true. The girl may be spoiled, may be a brat, her ... (read in full...)
He wants me to change, I want him to love me as I am.
Q. I'm feeling kind of hopeless in the relationship I'm in. We'e been together nearly 10 months, age gap between us is 15 years. We get a long great, there is so much chemistry. We love each other very much. There is however an issue that we find ...
A. 13 December 2017: One of the biggest mistakes people can and do make is expecting their mate to change. It is a really bad way to think, it almost never works and one or both people wind up being disappointed and hurt. Everyone should love their partner for who they ... (read in full...)
Religion may be the stumbling block for us
Q. I'm an atheist (born to Christian parents) and my fiancé is Christian. We both want kids. She recently asked me if I was willing to give them a Christian upbringing when they arrive. I want them to make the decision about a deity when they can think ...
A. 12 December 2017: I agree with O2DuszJ. Your views are total opposites and with the way that you both feel, unless someone crumbles and gives in a little, your relationship will always have this big rift in it. Religion is extremely important to some and they will ... (read in full...)
Was my childhood strange?
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles! I would really appreciate your help since I need some perspective on the relationship I had with my mom. I know she loved me and did the best she could, but I sometimes felt abandoned by her. She decided to have a ch...
A. 5 December 2017: I think almost anyone can understand why you would feel confused about your life as a child. At the very least I would say that you grew in a non quite conventional situation. Its really a shame that no one is left that you can talk to because there ... (read in full...)
Should I have an affair with a married man?
Q. This is going to make me sound like a horrible person... Maybe I am. I've been infatuated with this man for months. I can tell he doesn't care about me emotionally because once I say no to a booty call, he says good bye. I'm not going to lie, I'...
A. 3 December 2017: No you shouldn't give in. You are young, impressionable and something like this could really give you a bad reputation. Is that what you want? There aren't too many people that look kindly upon people having affairs with a married party. Its not ... (read in full...)
Bereavement has hit our relationship
Q. My partner's ex girlfriend killed herself 6 weeks ago, he took his pain + grief out on me. We have been together 6 years + 3 children. I don't see a way back. He is sleeping on the sofa since. Is it time to walk away. ...
A. 3 December 2017: I'm not sure that I can add any better advice than what has been given but I will throw my 2 cents worth in as well. Everyone grieves in their own way as has been stated. Some people get angry, some get distant, some cry all the time, some people ... (read in full...)
I'm in a horribly abusive relationship and I need a way out for me and my daughter
Q. Hi basically just looking for some advise plz, I really don't know what to do or how to. Basically I haven't been happy with my partner we have been arguing lately quiet a lot we have a small child but the arguments ain't in front of her as he ...
A. 24 November 2017: I am sorry that you are living this way. I have been in this situation before with a small child and it is very frightening. You need to draw strength and protect your daughter at all costs. This isn't a good life for her and you need to remove this ... (read in full...)
I feel that my boyfriend's ex wife was living my dream life and I'll never match up to her
Q. Dear Cupid, I am off for the next week due to holidays and as my boyfriend is working, I offered to work on clearing out his storage. Now he has an ex wife of 10 years(divorced in 2009) and I brought home a ton of boxes that were never unpacked. ...
A. 21 November 2017: Most people have a past, OP. Going int their 30's many people have been married before. Why are you comparing your life to his ex wife's? You aren't her, she isn't you and your boyfriend isn't how he was back then either. Why dwell on something from ... (read in full...)
I have been having an affair with a woman for 7 years and I am content. Is this strange?
Q. I have been the male equivalent of a mistress for the past 7 years. Is it strange that I don't mind? I havent dated or even tried to date because I am just fine with having her a few times a month. I am 42 years old and never been married, but I ...
A. 20 November 2017: OP, while I was reading your post I just felt sad. You can tell yourself that you are content, but if you are then why are you on here? Something is missing. I believe that deep down inside you know this isn't a great situation. I think the other ... (read in full...)
The guy I've liked from afar is being a little wierd
Q. Hi, I need some advice, I haven't dated in ages, I am 43, just went through a rough patch with major losses, illness etc, now better but I am still fragile. Anyway, since last year I meet maybe every 2/3 months this guy through work, older (I ...
A. 20 November 2017: Never mix business with pleasure is a good rule of thumb. Its not wise to date someone that you work with because the fallout (and yes these situations normally do not work out) can be devastating. If you must interact with this man ALWAYS remain ... (read in full...)
Help me find my way out of these abusive traps
Q. I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...
A. 16 November 2017: Neither option sounds too promising so why not pick a third option? Pick neither of the men and work on yourself. Taking care of you, making yourself happy and learning that if a man is abusive to you in ANY way, he's not a good man and do not stay ... (read in full...)
Is $3000 too cheap for an engagement ring for a high maintenance girlfriend given my income and background?
Q. Hi, I would appreciate if you can help me with my question. If a guy is a university professor, in his mid 40s with some debt from divorce, planning to propose to his high maintenance girlfriend who is beautiful and highly educated do you think ...
A. 13 November 2017: Sorry...but the moment I read "high maintenance girlfriend" the warning signs started flashing. If your girlfriend is as you state...think LONG and CAREFULLY before marrying. Woman like that are very hard to please and usually make everyone around ... (read in full...)
My housemate keeps having sex in our shared spaces and I don't like it.
Q. My housemate keeps having sex/foreplay with her boyfriend in our shared living spaces, like the living room etc. She tells me and laughs about it, but I actually find it so disrespectful and it makes me quite angry how she disregards my comfort ...
A. 12 November 2017: wow..your room mate is definitely wanting attention and not going about in the right way. I'd be grossed out myself. I've had room mates before and we were always very respectful of each other as you should be. If your room mate won't listen, tell ... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with my boyfriend! How much longer do I give him and how far does “for better or worse” really go?
Q. I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years, engaged for 6. I’m at the end of my rope and I know what I need to do but lack the ability to do it. I’m 28, a recent college grad, and have a job working at a hospital which supports me completely. He’s 34, ...
A. 10 November 2017: It will go as far and as long as you allow it to go. Time to stop the train, kick him off and chug on down the tracks without the extra weight. He isn't going to change and you are wasting your time. Demand for yourself my dear. You deserve it.... (read in full...)
I'm growing uncomfortable with his questions! Should I go meet him for coffee?
Q. Dear Cupid, I met a 41 year old guy who describes himself as sophisticated, also wants a sophisticated lady, online.He writes he is ready for a new relationship. He writes he has never been married, has no children and lives alone. He has a ...
A. 9 November 2017: He definitely has his preferences and he's stating of them quite early. I don't blame you for being uncomfortable. I would be too. I wouldn't meet him. If your radar is sending off the "danger danger"...listen to it! ... (read in full...)
I'm 30 years old and my mother tries to rule my life!
Q. I’m thirty years old and I don’t know how to deal with my mother anymore. She has been a fantastic mom to me, offering emotional support, taking care of me, making sure I’m okay, but lately I can’t stop fighting with her. And it’s always over...
A. 5 November 2017: Its never a good idea to move back in with your parents unless there is absolutely no other way to survive. You are an adult, used to living on your own and yet your mom still sees you as her child. It seems she may also be a little jealous??
... (read in full...)
How do I find a man who won't cheat on me?
Q. Thing is, I was cheated by two man before both I have child. Both men are the same age like 6 years older than me. First man, he made other woman pregnant that’s why I separated. Second man did not tell me he is married. Both man I did not get ...
A. 4 November 2017: If you are unhappy, then leave. Its as simple as packing your things, saying goodbye and going back to your home. Do not let your feelings of love cloud your eyes from seeing this man for who and what he is. Love should make you happy, not unhappy. ... (read in full...)
Wish I could sort out family problems
Q. Married to a husband with dysfunctional family. His parent quarrel since he was kid. Been over 2 decades until now. (They) often threaten to divorce but not divorce. Their fights last for weeks. I don’t know what's wrong with my in-laws and my ...
A. 4 November 2017: I think the wisest advice I can give you is to second Cindycares. Remain neutral and stay out of their spats as much as possible. It is their business and I highly doubt if they would appreciate you stepping in, even if you are trying to help. Its a ... (read in full...)
I'm confused, is she interested or just making conversation?
Q. So I work with someone who I find attractive. I have never led her on or flirted with her. I am in a happy relationship and she is married. But sometimes I have to work with her and sometimes she will touch me or make light conversation about my ...
A. 2 November 2017: Work place relationships are frowned upon because of the havoc they can reek. Having an affair with a co-worker?? Even more in the "Duh don't do it" zone. Have you considered the repercussions of this situation if she was interested and got ... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should ask a colleague out
Q. I'm 26 and have been single for around 7--8 months now since splitting with my gf of 3 yrs. I found that break up hard and I'm unsure if I want a new relationship. However I've only been with 2 girls in my whole life and I'm desperate to "get out ...
A. 1 November 2017: Its never a good idea to date a colleague. The relationships normally don't last and then you are stuck working with someone that you may not want to speak to, let alone see and yet you are forced to. Its hard to hide these relationships, normally ... (read in full...)
My ex wants me permanently in the background and have a baby mother too!
Q. Im good frinds with my ex. We are very close. We broke up 5 yrs ago, but during those 5 yrs we have been sleeping with each other. We talked about getting back together and trying for a baby.... But I told him im not ready.He was ok with this...
A. 31 October 2017: They say that love is blind but it doesn't have to be. You are now starting to see him for what he is (and isn't). Want more for yourself that the little he is offering. Its ok to walk away and not look back. He doesn't have your best interests at ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my son she's cheating?
Q. My son's wife is cheating on him. Both she and my son are 29 and have been together for just over 9 years. I received an e-mail about 4 years ago from someone who has sent me evidence that she has been cheating on him for the past 5 or 6 years w...
A. 29 October 2017: It would tear my heart out but I would have told my son the moment I found out. He deserves to know. WHY did you wait 4 years to tell him? Imagine the hurt he is going to feel and then you are afraid he's going to find out that you knew and didn't ... (read in full...)
Why have I started despising my married lover?
Q. Is it normal for the other woman to start hating or resenting the married man she's been seeing for a while? How does it go from him being able to do no wrong to thinking less of him over time? So, from love to hate? Seems like such a drop in her f...
A. 29 October 2017: Maybe you have woken up and realize that he's using you and you are tired of being second best. I'd say that is a great step in the right direction. Who wants sloppy seconds? That is what you are settling for when you see a married man. ... (read in full...)
Why would he say "I love you" if he has no intention of changing his life for you?
Q. If a married man you've been involved in a long term relationship with tells you he loves you, could he really mean it, even if he will never leave his wife to be with you? It's a terrible predicament to be in when you realize you now love this ma...
A. 28 October 2017: Married men say what their mistress wants to hear because they know that will keep the woman with them. The man feeds the woman enough of a line to keep her hanging on. Does he love you? Maybe. Maybe not. Only he knows. I can tell you that the odds ... (read in full...)
Is this the wrong time to have a baby?
Q. Hello,n I'm currently living with my parents as I've just graduated and it's quite crowded, I've also just found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend lives 100 miles away but has said if I choose to keep it he will move down and get a part time job al...
A. 26 October 2017: I had a baby when I was 20. I was not prepared emotionally but at that point in time, young ladies did NOT have a child out of wedlock, it was frowned upon immensely. We tried to do the right thing, got married, tried to be a family. My then husband ... (read in full...)
Is 15 years too big a gap for us?
Q. Hi I have been talking to a guy on line who states he is 39 although looks a little older in his picture. I am a 54 year old woman but I do not look my age and have stated that I am 43. I work as Cabin Crew and surrounded by loads of young p...
A. 24 October 2017: You ask if a 15 year age gap is too big. At the ages that you both are, it shouldn't be or need not be but apparently you have misgivings about it because you are lying about your age. You state you are in good shape but you are insecure about ... (read in full...)
My brother's wedding showed me how regretable mine was
Q. Jealous of Sister In Laws Family Hi community. I just attended my brothers wedding and it was amazing! Such a great day with lovely speeches and an amazing vibe. I got married two months ago and looking at both I'm so jealous of my sister in l...
A. 14 October 2017: A wedding is just a ceremony. Its what goes on between the two people that marry that matters. Why be sad about something that is past and you can't change? Are you happy? Do you love each other? THOSE are the things that matter! If it bothers you ... (read in full...)
How do I handle this meeting with him after the news that he's trying to reconcile with his ex in Italy!
Q. I met an Italian guy recently. We talked on-line for a few weeks. Then he was in Italy for a month. We met when he came back. I was a little suspicious as to why such a long holiday in Italy as he has no children or parents. We met for the...
A. 14 October 2017: Don't meet up. It will only cause you more pain. The best thing to do is to distance yourself, cut off contact, lick your wounds, and MOVE ON. I agree that you were sort of a rebound, and a back up and now that his ex is back in the picture...what ... (read in full...)
How to tell him I don't want children?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, he is 32 and I am 24. We are moving in together in a few months (into his house), but I am worried about out future- I don't want to have children. I have several reasons for the fact...
A. 13 October 2017: The wisest way to handle this is to ask him BEFORE you move in together, before you become any more committed and intertwined into each other's lives. This is definitely a conversation worth happening NOW...not later. Good luck! ... (read in full...)
Should I let my wife have a young lover since I can't perform as I once did?
Q. My wife (aged 55)and very attractive, and I have been married for 24 years and over the last 3 years I (aged 57) have had trouble maintaining an erection during sex, I have tried all the usual medications but I get side effects from them, so I have ...
A. 11 October 2017: I wouldn't even consider doing this. You are opening a door that leads down a dark path that once entered, you can't close the door. Very seldom does entering a third party make a marriage better, happier, or stronger. TALK to your wife, seek out ... (read in full...)
He found the girl he dumped me for was too costly and wants me to take him back.
Q. So, this guy and I were dating for almost two years and he proposed to me in May. A few weeks later he tells me hes going on vacation with his old crush/ friend since high school there both 28. But they have been friends forever. So, he breaks off ...
A. 9 October 2017: As the other aunts have stated, you dodged a bullet. Thank heavens he showed his true colors before the two of you married. It must have hurt terribly what he did to you but you were wise enough to see him for what he really is and were determined ... (read in full...)
Should I kick him out of my house and my life?
Q. Hi All!! First thank you for taking the time out to help me... Ive been dating the same guy for 5 yrs now. And for the past couple yrs he has changed into an unpredictable screaming heartless prick towards me. Im always caught off guard when he gets ...
A. 8 October 2017: Go back and read what you wrote. If this post was coming from a friend, a daughter, someone you care about what would you tell them? Wouldn't you tell them to get out? The odds are that you would. I only read about 3 lines in your post and I was ... (read in full...)
Is my married boss hoping I will ask her out. ?
Q. Hi this only happens at work lm a guy and really like 2 women 1 is married and find it hard to ask her out for a coffee and chat l feel she's still interested but she wants me to approach her and ask her out l don't think it will happen also cause ...
A. 6 October 2017: OP, I could understand better your confusion if you were in your early 20's but you are a middle aged man and must know that what you are contemplating is NOT smart. Even if your boss is interested in you, don't go down that road. Office romances ... (read in full...)
Is this a positive sign or is she just being nice?
Q. My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I had been working on the things she didnt like about me and I sent her an email updating her on how I have been changing i.e getting better and that I love her and hopefully in future we might cross ...
A. 5 October 2017: Good for you that you are working on improving yourself. Everyone needs to grow. I believe your ex girlfriend cares about you, wishes you well and wants you to be happy BUT..I think it ends there. This is a case where you would be best to take her ... (read in full...)
He says the sex is better with me but he still keeps his girlfriend. Do I wait around or end things?
Q. Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and ...
A. 21 August 2017: People treat us the way that we allow them to treat us. Do you think so little of yourself that you are allowing this guy to treat you second rate? Good enough for sex but not to be his girlfriend?
He's a player, a cheater, a liar and has no i... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is waiting after a fight for me to says its all my fault. I'm not going to do that again.
Q. Hey all, My partner of five years and I had a fight two days ago and we haven't spoken since and I miss her a lot. Usually I am always the one that goes running back and gets us to make up but I'm just tired of her never making that effort. ...
A. 15 August 2017: It doesnt sound like a happy or balanced relationship. When you love someone, you care about them and help them if you can. you dont laugh at their misfortune. this isnt a healthy relationship for you.vthere comes a point sometimes that even though ... (read in full...)
I'm still friends with an ex and my new girlfriend gets jealous!
Q. I've been with my new girlfriend for six month's, my ex am still friends with,she babysits my granddaughter, if she needs help I help her like today, I have a pickup, she bought a big snowblower, so I pick it up for her, I help other friends too, my ...
A. 13 August 2017: Wiseowl summed it up perfectly as did Youwish. Short and sweet? Your new girlfriend will soon become your Ex girlfriend if things continue as they are. Most lsdies wouldnt be comfortable sharing you with your ex, innocent or not. I am one of those ... (read in full...)
My husband is trying to bully, control, manipulate and isolate me! Help!
Q. I have recently got married again and gradully my husband is imposing boundaries and when i challenge these he becomes incredibly angry to the point of screaming, telling me i'm stupin and running down my friends and family. He is now tell8ng me my ...
A. 28 July 2017: Do not stay in this situation! He is trying to isolate you and then control you and he will slowly wear you down to the point where you may start to believe what he is saying. Reach out to your friends and family and let them know EXACTLY what is ... (read in full...)
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