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*oucannotbeserious

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How do I become more comfortable with sex when my own body isn't responding the way I want it to?

Q.   So, there's this young man. We've been together for a couple of months although we've known each other for longer than that. The mutual attraction developed slowly over several months until at one point it was undeniable, but it still took us a ...

A.   25 March 2019: Congratulations, you sound to have found yourself a proper gem in your boyfriend. I think you are concentrating far too much on "the deed" and that is (possibly) why you are getting these anxiety attacks. For the time being you need to take ful... (read in full...)

I'm very attracted to a man who has kids and is separated. I'm torn about whether to move forward with him

Q.   Hi all - any advice or thoughts on the following would be much appreciated as I'm at a total loss, something very uncommon for me. A series of events happened in my life that caused me to relocate to a brand new city without knowing anyone. ...

A.   24 March 2019: All I can say is that life seldom pans out EXACTLY as we envisage. If you put it out there that you will NEVER fall for someone who is/has XYZ, you can almost guarantee the universe will challenge that and show you that life is not that black and ... (read in full...)

Is my male coworker playing mind games with me?

Q.   There is a coworker who works in a different department, “John”. He doesn’t go to meetings, has attitude, gossips, flirts, dates fellow coworkers, likes to mess with people, etc. When I first talked to him about something work-related, he...

A.   24 March 2019: Honestly, why do you even care? You say yourself, the man is a jerk. I am tempted to leave my response at that, but will elaborate. You are at work to work, so I would just keep my head down and work (you can check personal emails in personal... (read in full...)

How do I get the feelings I had for my dead ex into my new relationship?

Q.   I'm in distress thinking about an ex who passed away many years ago I'm in a relationship at the moment I do love him but it feels in a different way to cut a long story short although they wernt always happy between my ex and me I see are memories ...

A.   23 March 2019: Given your age, you must have been quite young when you and your ex were together. I am guessing teens or early 20s? Perhaps he was even your first (serious) boyfriend? Your feelings at that time will have been very naive and "juvenile" compared... (read in full...)

I like him far more than I want to

Q.   Hi I am need of some guidance at the minute and hope you can help! I first met Tim when I was at school, we were close friends and always shared a fondness of each other until teenage years when we lost touch. 12 years ago we became in contac...

A.   22 March 2019: Your gut instinct is telling you that you are playing with fire. You need to listen. You have been very sensible up to now and protected yourself from being his rebound. Much as you may like him, the timing is not right and you know it. Ther... (read in full...)

How do I ‘combat’ a control-freak husband?

Q.   My husband is a wonderful man but he is a control freak sometimes. When he is, it's harmless, but super annoying. FYI we don't have kids. For example: He's the chef in the family. He's very particular and likes following recipes. He'll go out to ...

A.   22 March 2019: I think calling your husband a "control freak" over minor "annoying" little quirks he has is a bit harsh. Trust me, a real control freak is SERIOUS. Your husband's behaviour, on the other hand, is "annoying" (your word). The best bit is that he ... (read in full...)

Is the grief causing him to treat me badly?

Q.   Hello. Firstly just for some context I was in a on and off relationship for 10 years with the sweetest best friend of a boyfriend who was my high school sweetheart but his lack of ambition and lazy attitude I couldn't take anymore. We are ...

A.   20 March 2019: Well, the grief and pain from his accident won't have helped his moods, but compare how he has been acting with how your ex would have acted under the same circumstances. Would your ex have been mean to you because he was stressed/in pain/grieving? ... (read in full...)

I am not sure that I can be the support system I think my b/f needs

Q.   Hi all! I have been dating my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship was very fast moving and we basically were pretty "offical" after a few weeks of dating. He was pretty intense, But I felt like I had finally found someone who really cared...

A.   19 March 2019: How do you see this relationship panning out a year down the line? 5 years? 10 years? Is this how you want to live? If your boyfriend does not get some professional help, he is going to drag you down with him. The longer you stay, the more imp... (read in full...)

Wife hides her family and past from me

Q.   I recently found out that my wife’s sister has past. I am upset because I never even knew she had a sister. My wife hides her family and her past from me. Worse she asked me not to come to the funeral and wants to go alone. We have been married for ...

A.   18 March 2019: This is not about YOU. This is about your wife and whatever dysfunctional relationship she has with her family. If she has never mentioned her sister in all the 8 years you have known her, then there was obviously some problem between them. In yo... (read in full...)

What’s wrong with people? Do we not listen now??

Q.   Why are people so self absorbed and disinterested? Is this rude? If you saw a friend you hadn’tseen in ages and she didnt once ask how you or your life was what would you do? You havent seen her in 5-6 months. and of course ask how ...

A.   18 March 2019: Ha ha, welcome to my world! I can recall SO many meetings (they are not really conversations, so I won't dignify them with that description) where I have asked questions, listened to long rambling replies, then muttered at someone's departing back ... (read in full...)

I want my married lover's wife to know I am having his child

Q.   I have been dating this married man a little over 2years now. I was with him for 5 months before he married his wife(chose another woman over me whiles I was with him). At the time of his marriage I was two months pregnant for him which I made him ...

A.   17 March 2019: Have you actually read what you put in your post? You knowingly had an affair with a married cheat but are putting the blame on his poor clueless wife? Do you not think she has enough to contend with, with a husband like him, without having her nose ... (read in full...)

He has a crush on me but then why isn't he acting on it?

Q.   I am recently single...I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and it ended 2 months back. During the course of the relationship we frequented this bar and we were always together,drinking, kissing ..so basically everyone in that bar who ...

A.   16 March 2019: Lots of answers come to mind. Perhaps he already has a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/partner. Perhaps he is just a professional flirt and the attention he pays you is nothing more than that. Perhaps he does not think he has time for a relati... (read in full...)

He said I was overthinking things and now it’s all awkward! What do I do?

Q.   So, basically theres this guy ive been messaging, we know each other well due to his son being in the same class as my brother. I decided to email him over the half term just to see how he was and that i missed him last week and kind of wanted t...

A.   14 March 2019: By posting the same question more than once, are you hoping someone will give you the answer you are looking for? What answer ARE you looking for? ... (read in full...)

Why would he spend so much time courting me then suddenly act like we never happened?

Q.   I started seeing this guy about 2 months ago. Hes a nice person, was married for about 8 years but divorced for 1, he asked me out a few times before i finally agreed, and was as sweet as can be the whole 2 months we were dating. Refused to let me ...

A.   13 March 2019: Reading our post, I wanted to bang your heads together. Are you really the age it says on your profile? And is HE the same age? You (especially) and he are acting like a couple of moody teenagers. You need to grow up. Would it have hurt you to h... (read in full...)

How hard is it being a single parent? And how do I explain this to my child?

Q.   hi i have just recently broken up with my partner of 5 years we have a 3 year old daughter together I couldn't keep the relationship going any longer no matter how hard I tried he made no effort to spend any time with me and our daughter we would ...

A.   13 March 2019: Under these circumstances, being a single parent can't be much more difficult than what you were used to. It may even be easier. Your ex was an ABSENT parent for all intents and purposes. Well done for getting out of this "non-relationship". ... (read in full...)

I missed out on a group poster, and now I feel bad! Why do I feel not part of the team?

Q.   I have been on leave 10 days got back to work today. How would you feel if you were on leave and the boss (female) took photos of all the female staff to celebrate int womens day? To show we are a good team. (Yes there are guys there, but t...

A.   12 March 2019: Was it possible to take the photos on a day when ALL the female workers were in? I doubt there would be such a day. You were off that day so you were not in the photos as were, I imagine, other ladies who were not in work that day. In our shoe... (read in full...)

My sex life is non existent since having my baby and I literally feel nothing anymore

Q.   I write this as I lay unable to sleep, which happens a few evenings a week. Since having my first child and going straight onto contraception I feel like my mood has progressively got worse (Even though I have the non hormone coil). It’s been alm...

A.   11 March 2019: Children tend to only affect your sex life badly while they are still very young and especially if they are not sleeping. The sheer fatigue leaves you with no spare energy for anything but caring for the child. However, this does not sound like the ... (read in full...)

My FWB blocked me on WhatsApp!

Q.   what do you do/say to someone that has blocked you in wassup? I was seeing this guy for about 2 yrs. It wasn't a serious relationship but it is a friend with benefits. ...

A.   11 March 2019: What do you do? You move on and find someone who is prepared to give you more than just sex. He was using you until someone came along with whom he wanted a full relationship, not just the occasional romp. Shake yourself down, lick any wounds t... (read in full...)

Divorced guy asked me for drinks then backtracked and said that we should stop before things get complicated!

Q.   Theres this guy that ive been talking to via email. We know each other well due to his son going through school with my brother. Ive always liked him, but never really said anything. So recently I decided to send him a message to see how he was. We ...

A.   11 March 2019: Interesting that he didn't invite you OUT for a drink but rather "come over for a drink at some point". That sounds like he was inviting you to his home. Am I right? If so, that would completely explain his sudden cold feet. He had a booty call in ... (read in full...)

Do I stay with my job with little time off and great money or go for something less stressful?

Q.   This isn't a relationship question, but a work one instead. Last year I posted a question about becoming a chef and got loads of great replies. I love most of my job and the pay is good and I have had a promotion and my manager wants to promote...

A.   10 March 2019: What do you want for YOURSELF? How would you like your career to pan out? Do you have a plan? If not, now is the time to think about one. Anything worthwhile is worth fighting for (including working stupid hours) IF the end goal is worth it. ... (read in full...)

I didn't marry my husband for love. Can I learn to love him?

Q.   I have been with my husband for over 5 years now. I think I made a mistake in marrying him. He’s handsome, successful, nice, funny, and an all around good person. When we first met I never felt a connection or spark but kept talking with him because ...

A.   9 March 2019: Don't stay with him just because the thought of hurting him by leaving him upsets you. In doing that you are hurting not only him but yourself as well. You are young. I assume he is too. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you. You both des... (read in full...)

I want to teach my cheating ex a lesson

Q.   Hi! I'm 29 and got married last year. I'm happy with my husband, but my ex bf still calls me despite he being married. He says that he can't forget me, and still wants me. I cleared the air that I'm happy with my husband and won't ever leave him for ...

A.   9 March 2019: Well done for involving your husband in this. Changing your number sounds like the best option in this situation. If you keep getting calls from your ex (if he manages to get your number some way), don't answer calls from unknown numbers or, if you ... (read in full...)

He changed his looks and I am no longer attracted at all to him. Do I end things?

Q.   Hi I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months- it’s had it’s ups and downs- mainly as it started as a friendship with absolutely no sexual attraction on my behalf . I’ve never looked at him and thought ‘god your handsome’ but he has a lovely personali...

A.   9 March 2019: Honestly? You should let this "lovely" guy go so he can find someone who loves him as he is - regardless of whether he has brown, yellow, pink, red or any other coloured hair. Neither of you is right or wrong in this. You are both just differen... (read in full...)

She blocked me on facebook because I looked her up

Q.   Been seeing this woman for four months, have a lot of fun going out dancing movies places to eat, the sex is great, but she only has time to see me once a week,I told her I looked her up on Facebook, she got really mad,she said that's personal, so ...

A.   8 March 2019: Facebook (a PUBLIC forum) is personal? Really? If there was anything truly personal, she should either not have posted it on a public forum or limited access to friends. View this situation as a whole. Not only was she really mad at you for chec... (read in full...)

Do I have a valid reason to leave him?

Q.   Hi. I am currently confused at the moment. Can somebody tell me what to do? So i met this guy on a dating site a month ago. Everything went well, we do video call for hours, we made plans for the future, he tells me i love you and misses me. But as ...

A.   7 March 2019: Are you really in your 30s? I am amazed that you think you can be in love with someone you haven't even met and have only known for a month, especially given that he threatened to slap you. What is it going to take for you to realize this guy... (read in full...)

I feel confused and anxious about him not speaking to me except by text Saturday evening!

Q.   I have been in a relationship for 18 months with a great guy.This is an intensely passionate but in my opinion emotionally healthy relationship.We have hurdles but we have overcome them.Apart from one massive issue which is my fears of abandonment ...

A.   6 March 2019: If you don't heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn't cut you. Get help to learn how to cope with your issues before your fear of abandonment becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Don't make HIM suffer for something others have done to ... (read in full...)

I want to teach my cheating ex a lesson

Q.   Hi! I'm 29 and got married last year. I'm happy with my husband, but my ex bf still calls me despite he being married. He says that he can't forget me, and still wants me. I cleared the air that I'm happy with my husband and won't ever leave him for ...

A.   5 March 2019: Such a shame that you are not over the ex yet, especially given that you have a lovely husband now. The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference. Until you get to a point where you can just casually shrug off any contact from your ex and not ... (read in full...)

3 plus affairs, Do my wife really love me?

Q.   My wife and I have been married for 28 years. However, in those 28 years, my wife has had 3 affairs on me that I catch her doing. I now have the same feeling that something is going on. What I am mostly concerned about is do she really love me or is ...

A.   3 March 2019: People have affairs BECAUSE THEY CAN. The first time you caught her out, you should have told her this was her last chance - and meant it. You have repeatedly allowed her to get away with having affairs so why should she not think it is fine to ... (read in full...)

I feel broken. Why couldn't my girlfriend have been there for me when I needed someone to listen.

Q.   I dont even know what to do anymore or how to feel. I feel so alone. I have many people around me, my parents, my gf, my best friend, my close friends, my colleagues. But no one actually knows the reality. I lost my new job I got due to not b...

A.   3 March 2019: Is turning things around to be all about HER normal behaviour for your girlfriend? It amazes me these days how many people are actually incapable of having a conversation without turning it around to be about them. I think the human race is rapid... (read in full...)

I asked my mother not to say negative things about my father and now she isn't speaking to me

Q.   My parents are divorced and I live with my mother and younger brother. The break-up between my parents was extremely sour. My father was never really the "#1 dad" type of figure because he had his issues with a drug addiction. My brother and I never ...

A.   2 March 2019: Your mother obviously still feels hurt and anger towards your father but she should respect that he is still your father, regardless of his failings. Because he let you down in the past and she, effectively, raised you as a single parent, ... (read in full...)

He is all that I have ever wanted but I feel trapped. Is an open relationship the answer?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we started university. All through these years I've been looking forward to graduating, getting a flat together and settling down. Now I'm coming to the end of my degree and I'm panicking because ...

A.   2 March 2019: Do you know what I wonder? Whether it is pure coincidence that we get ONE post about polyamorous relationships on this site, where most aunts and uncles were basically not in favour of the idea and suggested the poster go onto sites specifically for ... (read in full...)

Is all fair in love and war?

Q.   I had an affair 7 years ago. He broke it off after 2.5 years. We boyh stayed married to our spouses. I really loved him and was heart broken. 2 months ago he reached out to me. He claims he still loves me, is in love with me and on and on. I ...

A.   2 March 2019: Confused about why you are asking the question. Do you mean you want to go back and have another affair or are you trying to justify "playing" with your ex lover? Neither of those is "fair" or anything to do with love. Phrases like "all is fair in ... (read in full...)

Is she shy or just not into me?

Q.   Hi There is a girl I really like, I see her every day. I know I should just ask her out but i am very shy and as much as people tell me to do it i find it hard, but i think I will have the confidence if i see some signs that she is interested. ...

A.   1 March 2019: Instead of building up to something "big", why not just ask her to see a film or for a coffee or something else she would like to do? Visit an art gallery perhaps, if you both like art? Not an official "date" as such, but just spending time ... (read in full...)

I'm 64 but still frightened of my dying mother.

Q.   My elderly narcissistic mother is dying in hospital and after a violent abusive childhood, I hate having to see her. She's an embittered, difficult, hard to please woman and I feel very nervous in her company. I'm 64 now, yet still frightened of ...

A.   27 February 2019: You do know you can walk away, don't you? She only has as much control over you as you allow her. My mother was similar with me and my brother, always trying to cause bad feeling between us when we were too young to understand what she was doing. ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and work part time. My husband wants me to get another job to pay his parents debts.

Q.   My husband's parents owe a large amount of money to a family member which they can't pay. They have asked my husband to pay the money on their behalf, we are talking £500 per month for the next 10ish years. My husband works 9 to 5 and I work part ...

A.   27 February 2019: Sweetheart, YOU already work full time and more. Consider how your day is filled. Looking after children is harder work than most jobs. If he cares that much about his parents, then HE should find a way to pay their debt. Why can't THEY pay it? ... (read in full...)

Could these have been semen stains ... is he cheating on me?

Q.   Hi guys. I just need some advise. I’m driving myself mad and keep toying between am I just being super paranoid or is my gut instinct trying to tell me something... basically I want to know show I be weary of my partner! We have been together ab...

A.   27 February 2019: Wow! What a cad! He had a one night stand with a work colleague and remained on friendly terms afterwards. How dare he! I am joking of course. Hopefully you will see my point. Yes, bring up the semen stains (which may not even be semen stains a... (read in full...)

How can I help this relationship survive?

Q.   I am 40 F,3 years ago I met a 21F College student that was on a internship.(Asia)- I Never dated woman before. At the time I was in a leadership role within the college. She made passes and I resisted, because I was nervous, scared and becau...

A.   24 February 2019: But you and she are not really yin and yang, are you? Yin and yang ultimately connect and form a whole. You two, on the other hand, are constantly opposing each other. When SHE is pushing, you are running away, and vice versa. I suspect she had ... (read in full...)

My ex still has our couples pictures on his facebook. I want them deleted.

Q.   why is my ex keeping my pictures (our pictures together) on his facebook account and says in relationship with me? He broke up with me 6 months ago. I do not want him to keep my pictures on his profile, I blocked him but can still see his ac...

A.   24 February 2019: Could be because he doesn't live his life on Facebook and just hasn't bothered changing anything. Maybe he thinks that short of stuff is really not important in the grander scheme of things. Maybe he is doing it to give you false hope or to annoy ... (read in full...)

Somebody keeps hacking my boyfriend or is he cheating?

Q.   I keep finding my boyfriend on multiple dating/cheating sites and find his search history is filled with things like: Women near me to have with tonight? I have asked him about it and he says he didn't do it. Tat someone is hacking him. Is that ...

A.   24 February 2019: I have only one thing to say: YOU DESERVE BETTER. Hold your head high and walk away. Then go and see your doctor for a sexual health check to make sure your "boyfriend" hasn't given you any unpleasant "surprises". In future, if your gut inst... (read in full...)

I’m shy and don’t like to upset anyone, so how do I let the one friend with a crush on me down, whilst keeping our friendship?

Q.   Hi everyone I've found myself in a tough situation recently and feel I need some advice. Firstly I think its important to understand a few things about me. I'm quite shy, I find it hard to express my interest in someone directly and I also reall...

A.   22 February 2019: The year will pass before you know it IF you make for a pleasant environment. If, however, you cause upset and friction by getting involved with one of the girls, the year will seem like 10 and you may even have to find alternative accommodation. ... (read in full...)

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