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*oucannotbeserious

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A year after my break up I still haven't been on a date and no one has shown any real interest in me!

Q.   I'm 22 and the only relationship I have ever been In lasted 3 years before he came out gay. It was a very complicated break up with a lot of mixed feelings and we would still spend time together and end up sleeping together for around a year ...

A.   21 October 2017: You should free yourself of your ex and put some distance between you so that you can put a real end to your relationship. You have never really split up. Your heart is still with him. Nobody wants to play second fiddle to someone's ex. Tell ... (read in full...)

He is not being supportive and I am literally broken because of what is happening!

Q.   Hi, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6 months and a few days ago I found out I was pregnant. We both currently live 100 miles apart and only get to see each other once a week. We decided an abortion was the best option for us as it wou...

A.   21 October 2017: I assume he is of a similar age to you? He is dreadfully selfish and immature and self-centred. He was spelled out to you where you stand. Please BELIEVE him. Do you have anyone else who can go to the appointments with you? A close friend p... (read in full...)

The guy I'm seeing is always getting mad at me?

Q.   The guy I'm seeing is always getting mad at me? We have an odd relationship, we say we love each other all the time. He says he's not ready to date (we've been in a like-dating stage for 3 years). I have fallen in love with him. But I feel like I'm ...

A.   21 October 2017: Firstly, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Secondly, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. And lastly, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. The only thing you have done wrong is to allow this guy to treat you like a doormat, a plan B. He is using you while offering you ver... (read in full...)

Can you clarify his behavior?

Q.   I recently started seeing a new physician. I don't know his relationship status but I know that he doesn't wear a wedding ring. He asks me personal questions like if I am dating anybody, how my sex life is, and what I like to do on my days off. He ...

A.   21 October 2017: I am not sure I would be comfortable with this sort of questioning, unless it was directly related to a problem I was seeing him about. Unless, of course, you are actually HOPING this will turn into more?... (read in full...)

Most of the things he does really gets on my nerves!

Q.   I have been going out with a guy for almost a year now, when we first started going out I thought he was really sweet and I really liked him, we see each other every week but now it's been nearly a year I feel like things have changed, he still ...

A.   21 October 2017: You are young. At your age it is unusual for a relationship to last. A year is quite a long time for one at this stage of your life when you are still finding out what you want in a partner. Your relationship sounds like it has run its course. ... (read in full...)

Given his past, do you think that this man would be a good parent to my daughter?

Q.   I recently left an abusive marriage, and have been seeing a man from work for almost a year. He moved in with my kids and I over the summer. He has always been very sweet and caring to all of us, but the relationship isn't perfect, though I love ...

A.   21 October 2017: Difficult one. So many factors involved. Firstly, few relationships are "perfect". Most people come with some sort of a past, especially with the passing of time. Many people choose to sow their "wild oats" in their youth and, once they reach ma... (read in full...)

She takes more than she gives and I know part of the problem is her low self-esteem!

Q.   Hi, when I told my girlfriend that I love her she replied, for the first time, that she does as well, although she doesn't know if it's really love. She justified this with saying that she discussed the matter with her mom and when her mother asked ...

A.   20 October 2017: I would suggest going for quality time together, rather than the quantity you are missing out on at the moment. Plan special things to do when your girlfriend has time to spend with you, then tell her how much you enjoyed whatever it was you did and ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend revealed a secret and my question is how do I deal with what he told me?

Q.   My new boyfriend of almost 5 month has been suffering from ptsd i knew this when we first got together , he decided to be open tonight and told me a shocking secret he had kept from me , he admitted he sometimes smokes weed to help him relax and ...

A.   20 October 2017: I totally understand your stand against drugs but you may want to do a bit of your own research into the benefits of cannabis before judging your boyfriend. He is not asking YOU to use it but he finds it beneficial for HIM. After decades of denial, ... (read in full...)

I don’t know if I should stop talking to him or give it a chance?

Q.   I have been texting this guy for 2 months everyday and sometimes we talk on the phone. We live in two different states I keep telling him I want to move to a different state and he wants me to move to his state because he says "I'll already know one ...

A.   20 October 2017: Well, I certainly don't think you should be basing any life-changing decisions on him! Sweetheart, you haven't even MET him. You could hate spending time with him. Even if you get on, there is no guarantee the relationship will last. If you real... (read in full...)

My husband's coworker made some very odd comments and I'm wondering if there is something going on!

Q.   Recently on a ride home my husbands coworker needed a ride home. While we were driving his coworker begin to flirt with my husband, He repeatedly said how much he liked my husband, saying my husband was one of a kind. How he had never met anyone ...

A.   19 October 2017: I read your post and could actually visualise it all because I work closely with a gay man who I could imagine joking about like that. I know, however, that he would never take it any further than joking. He does it with males AND females (often ... (read in full...)

Is masturbation gay?

Q.   If you are not thinking of anything and just masturbating for pleasure is this homosexual?...

A.   18 October 2017: On what planet? On earth? Definitely not. I get the impression you are very young. Have your mates said it's "gay" to masturbate and not think of women? ... (read in full...)

This woman is getting close on the train!

Q.   I catch the busy train to work in Tokyo everyday and there is this cute younger lady who gets on along the way. I am usually standing near the door anyway but somehow she seems to find her way in front of me so we are hugged and crushed together. We ...

A.   18 October 2017: It does seem more than coincidence that she manages to find her way to standing next to you every time and the physical contact is definitely unusual. Why do you not speak to her? Something along the lines of a smile and "good morning" or "here we ... (read in full...)

Can't seem to say no to sex anymore and actually mean it. What should I do?

Q.   Can't seem to say no to sex anymore and actually mean it. What should I do? Hi I'm 18 and I've had sex with two guys, including the one I lost my virginity to. He was a friend and still is, but he occasionally flirts and I respond to it. We hung o...

A.   17 October 2017: You need to tell yourself you are worth better - and mean it. I would like to set you a challenge. PLEASE take this up at least once so you can see how it feels. Next time some guy wants to have sex with you when you are not 100% sure you want... (read in full...)

Why can I not see things how they are?

Q.   Why can’t I get over this crush? This guy I’ve fancied for 3 years now, his done my head in. I’ve never had such deep feelings for someone before, this guy matches me banter wise, future hope, likes and he just feels right! We’ve spoke on ...

A.   16 October 2017: Posting the same question twice in two days? Do you not think this is another sign of your obsession? This is not love. You do not KNOW this guy. You are obsessed with a FANTASY you have built up around this "perfect" man. If you actually... (read in full...)

My ex, who has a new girlfriend, has just contaced me out of the blue

Q.   My ex and I split up a year ago and the other day he contacted me out of the blue to say he was sorry about how things ended between us. He wants to meet up next month so I said ok. He has been talking to me very strange though, he has said that...

A.   15 October 2017: Well, nice as it seems for him to apologize for his behaviour, I suspect he is only "apologizing" as a foot through the door to seeing you. It would have meant a lot more if he had apologized and left it at that. He is only apologizing because the ... (read in full...)

My 'best friend' isn't much of a friend at all

Q.   I have had a friend for about 30 years. We met as small children and have been "best friends" since. She has actually been fake and shady toward me since childhood. She would treat me differently depending on who was around. I was not strong ...

A.   15 October 2017: I can understand you are hurt BUT you have ALLOWED all this to happen. People only treat us as badly as we ALLOW them to treat us. Had you stood up to her and called her out on her behaviour, she would either have treated you with a bit more respect ... (read in full...)

I just cannot get over him

Q.   Why can’t I get over this crush? This guy I’ve fancied for 3 years now, his done my head in. I’ve never had such deep feelings for someone before, this guy matches me banter wise, future hope, likes and he just feels right! We’ve spoke on ...

A.   15 October 2017: Just wanted to add: you are not in love with the actual man. You are in love with the image you have built up in your head. There is a HUGE difference. ... (read in full...)

My husband and I feel trapped and it's taking a toll on our health

Q.   I feel that my husband an I are both unhappy and have been for a while. I don't think that we are dissatisfied with each other and our marriage per se, but the difficult situation we have been living in for over a decade has taken its toll and we ...

A.   15 October 2017: Stop the world! I want to get off! You and your husband both sound like you are stuck on the hamster wheel, going faster and faster but not moving anywhere. You are coping slightly better than your husband but neither of you are happy. You are ... (read in full...)

I just cannot get over him

Q.   Why can’t I get over this crush? This guy I’ve fancied for 3 years now, his done my head in. I’ve never had such deep feelings for someone before, this guy matches me banter wise, future hope, likes and he just feels right! We’ve spoke on ...

A.   15 October 2017: Seriously, your "proof" this man is for you is based on some vague airy-fairy thing a medium said to you? Something which was so general, it could apply to anyone or anything? And your infallible gut instinct? Firstly, you cannot be "in love" wi... (read in full...)

My friend was in town and didn't tell me

Q.   A few months after a bad breakup, I reached out to my high school prom date who I'd always had a crush on. I suspected it may be mutual. We began talking and flirting regularly. He visited me once and I visited him once, as we live several hou...

A.   15 October 2017: You pretended to be something you were not to please this guy and you STILL didn't land him. Yes, that will hurt, but you will get over it a lot quicker than if you had hung in there for years, pretending you did not want a relationship but licking ... (read in full...)

My brother's wedding showed me how regretable mine was

Q.   Jealous of Sister In Laws Family Hi community. I just attended my brothers wedding and it was amazing! Such a great day with lovely speeches and an amazing vibe. I got married two months ago and looking at both I'm so jealous of my sister in l...

A.   14 October 2017: Blimey! Talk about LOOKING for problems! The wedding is just a few hours. Surely the important thing is that your friends and family were there to witness your marriage and help you celebrate it? So you couldn't afford to have a big flashy w... (read in full...)

Boyfriend brings up his ex girlfriend

Q.   I went to a high school reunion this past summer. While there, I met a man who I really didn't talk to much in high school. We kind of hit it off, and for the past 2 months, we have been dating and getting to know each other. My question is abou...

A.   14 October 2017: Next time he mentions her, ask him if he sees any point in you two carrying on seeing each other, as his heart is obviously elsewhere. There is no saying, of course, that SHE will want anything to do with HIM. I had an ex contact me after ma... (read in full...)

How to tell him I don't want children?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, he is 32 and I am 24. We are moving in together in a few months (into his house), but I am worried about out future- I don't want to have children. I have several reasons for the fact...

A.   14 October 2017: Just because he makes comments like the one you mentioned does not necessarily mean he wants kids. It might just mean he thinks other people should exercise more control over their children and that, in their place, HE would do things differently. ... (read in full...)

She has gone off sex and I'm worried I'll lose her!

Q.   I have a girlfriend i am 66 years old and she is 46 years old we have been together 4 years but this last 6 months she has went off sex she says she do not care she has sex or not i am getting wor...

A.   14 October 2017: Generally, women need to feel loved to want sex, whereas men need sex to feel loved. A drop in sex drive on the part of the female can be a symptom that the relationship as a whole is not providing her with what she needs/wants. Do you make you... (read in full...)

My mother in law is an egoist and evil woman!

Q.   I hate my mother in law. She is an egoist and evil woman. She is a cynist and speak badly about me behind my back. She keep posing a sullen face whenever im around. She used to be nice woman several years ago. But since this recent year, she changed ...

A.   13 October 2017: You posted only recently about your situation, but your main issue then seemed to be the way your brother's sisters were treated better than you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-should-i-do-as-i-see-my.html May I suggest that you... (read in full...)

It was going great and now she has stopped responding ... I guess its over!

Q.   Hello everyone! A few months ago I started exchanging Facebook messages with a girl I knew in high school about ten years ago. I'm 30 and she's 29. Things went really well and she agreed to meet up as soon as we could (she was moving back to h...

A.   12 October 2017: You have tried to contact her but she has ignored your attempts. It's always difficult when someone does that as it leaves everything up in the air, with the other party not knowing what is happening or why. If she was a nicer person, she would have ... (read in full...)

My ex cheated on me, it took me 2 years to get over him and now he wants to try again

Q.   At what point can you be sure you have forgiven someone for hurting you, and take them back? 3 years ago my then boyfriend of nearly 2 years left me for someone else. It took me a long time to get over it, but I did. I never really forgot he...

A.   11 October 2017: Don't you know any other men with whom you would like to have a relationship? Why would you go back to someone who has already proved he cannot be trusted and has shown he is capable of hurting you badly, despite you having what you believed to be a ... (read in full...)

Should I let my wife have a young lover since I can't perform as I once did?

Q.   My wife (aged 55)and very attractive, and I have been married for 24 years and over the last 3 years I (aged 57) have had trouble maintaining an erection during sex, I have tried all the usual medications but I get side effects from them, so I have ...

A.   11 October 2017: If you thought this was a good idea, you would not have come on here asking the question. Your gut is telling you this will not turn out well. Have you had a full check-up to rule out any physical issues? If not, go back to your doctor and ask ... (read in full...)

The man I am dating doesn't believe in kissing and affection

Q.   I am seeing a guy who when I asked says he doesn’t do kissing and affection. I was widowed 9 years ago and this is the first since. I really like this guy but not sure about not kissing although the sex is great. I told him I kind of fell ...

A.   11 October 2017: Do you want to live the rest of your life without kissing or affection from him? Are you happy never to share that level of intimacy again? If so, stay with him. If not, then you deserve more. Dump him before you become (ex)wife #3 on his list. ... (read in full...)

I think I deserve better. I'm pushing too hard to make this relationship work?

Q.   Hi all, Ive been dating this guy for the past 4-5 months. He's very different from my part relationships. I had a bad pattern to go for unavailable men but I changed it consciously. My relationship is going well with this person and there were a...

A.   11 October 2017: Trust your gut instinct. We have one for good reason. If your gut instinct is telling you that - despite the good things - this relationship is not going to make you happy long term, then listen and get out. Dating is a journey. It is not an e... (read in full...)

Was my colleague right to feel left out?

Q.   After opinions here.. A colleague A, has recently been off work sick for 3 1/2 weeks with tthe flu, most of us knew she was off, managers and some of us knew why. Shes a good worker, like us all! No different. She returned this week. As soon as...

A.   11 October 2017: The same would have happened at my work place. We send flowers if someone has surgery or serious hospital treatment, or if they suffer the loss of someone close. We don't send flowers for people off with flu (unpleasant as that can be). The p... (read in full...)

I feel I am not good enough and cry everyday

Q.   I am 25, single and VERY lonely. My now ex bf recently broke up with me because he lost feelings for me. I think it is all my fault, but he says it is not. He says his feelings fizzled out over time and insists there is no new girl. I am scared of ...

A.   10 October 2017: Wow! 25 and on the shelf! Poor you! I am gently kidding of course. Sweetheart, you have your whole life ahead of you to find the right person. Dating is all about meeting people, deciding they are not right for you and moving on to the next o... (read in full...)

Why do I put up with my sister in law's rubbish?

Q.   Hello all, Could someone please tell me the meaning of when something is on the up and up? I am so angry right now and thank goodness I love my husband enough to put up with his family's crap albeit we do have arguments before I go out with t...

A.   10 October 2017: You can't control what people do or say. Your strength lies in how you CHOOSE to react to it. Yes, it is a CHOICE. You can CHOOSE to be angry and upset and affronted, or you can CHOOSE to laugh it off, treat it with disdain and let it roll off you. ... (read in full...)

He found the girl he dumped me for was too costly and wants me to take him back.

Q.   So, this guy and I were dating for almost two years and he proposed to me in May. A few weeks later he tells me hes going on vacation with his old crush/ friend since high school there both 28. But they have been friends forever. So, he breaks off ...

A.   9 October 2017: Sweetheart, you KNOW you deserve to be treated better than he treated you. He dumped you once; there is nothing to stop him doing it again. Stop being so nice. Tell him - in nice short words he will understand - that you are not interest... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is sad after his ex girlfriend's revelation!

Q.   Hello, I have a story to tell. This summer my bf and I got together. He had a girlfriend but he cheated on her to be with me. At first we were friends and I knew he had a girlfriend but I was so in love with him and I was trying to resist for so ...

A.   9 October 2017: You have just learned that everything in life comes with a price. This girl could have been telling the truth or she could have been lying - either way, she was hurting and lashing out. And my, did she hit the target! Your boyfriend is now mour... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is afraid of my beauty and that I will leave him!

Q.   My boyfriend said he's scared of my beauty and is afraid I will leave him.what do I do to prove I won't and he doesn't take me out, prefers me staying indoor with him is dat y?. And I love this guy so much and it hurts me anytime he saids dat..pls...

A.   8 October 2017: Sweetheart, you can't PROVE anything to someone as insecure and jealous as your boyfriend. Nor should you need to. You are young. There is no saying this relationship will not run its course and you will not split up sometime in the future. ... (read in full...)

Should I kick him out of my house and my life?

Q.   Hi All!! First thank you for taking the time out to help me... Ive been dating the same guy for 5 yrs now. And for the past couple yrs he has changed into an unpredictable screaming heartless prick towards me. Im always caught off guard when he gets ...

A.   8 October 2017: Sweetheart, why have you put up with being treated in this way for so long? Why do you not think you are worth better? We forget what people say or do, but we NEVER forget how they make us feel. The sense of unfairness is something which will als... (read in full...)

My ex bf new gf texting me how good their relationship is

Q.   I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We've had our ups and downs but we pulled through. We also had lots of arguments. On our last argument we had I went to work, came home and he packed his things and left. My ex bf now, left a ...

A.   7 October 2017: Oh sweetheart, you deserve so much better. They are doing this because HE feels guilty about the way he has treated you and the only way he can feel less guilty is by making out it was all YOUR fault, and SHE is insecure in the relation... (read in full...)

Other people have forgiven him, so why cant our children?

Q.   One year ago my husband of 23 years was arrested, he had been looking at underage pornography. 45 counts of category a amongst other. Myself and our family were totally shocked as he had always been a very good person who helped all the family and ...

A.   7 October 2017: Sending hugs. This must be terrible for you and your family. I have to point out that abuse of children is not just about actual penetration. Even viewing child porn is supporting the industry so don't live under the illusion that your husband ... (read in full...)

Should I suggest to my ex she seek professional help?

Q.   I recently went through a bad breakup with a woman I thought was the one. Even though she did it in a cold hearted way I still care deeply for her and have been told that she loves me just not like I love her. The relationship is in the past so I'm ...

A.   7 October 2017: You sound like a good hearted guy, and I totally understand why you are worried about your ex, but I am not sure you can help this lady. She is an adult who makes her own choices. We presume she is of sound mind so, again, capable of making her own ... (read in full...)

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