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*oucannotbeserious

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Why won't he Marry me?

Q.   Hi, I have been with my partner 6 years next month. I never wanted to get married, was never something that was important to me. Until I was in love. We have been together 6 years and have agreed to start trying for a baby next year after my friends ...

A.   23 August 2017: There is nothing wrong with telling him what YOU would like, i.e. a wedding before a baby. Next time you discuss trying for a baby, say "Heh, here's the thing. I've been giving this some thought and I would like for us to be married before we try ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is asking for more than I can afford.

Q.   Dear Aunts, I have been visiting my boyfriend for a week now so today im leaving ive decided to take him out for lunch. He just told me that it would be better if i buy him grocery. Im a student I don't have that kind of money. All i wanted was to ...

A.   22 August 2017: Did he actually say he expected you to buy him LOTS of groceries? I would have taken his comment to mean that he would rather you spent the money you were going to spend on one meal for the two of you on groceries which, for the same money, would ... (read in full...)

He spent 5 years in prison for crippling a child in a drunken car accident

Q.   Would you date someone with a criminal record ? I met this guy at a party of a mutual friend. We spent the whole night talking and exchanged numbers. After spending hours a day texting / talking we went on an amazing first date. At the end of ...

A.   20 August 2017: You are going into this with your eyes open and after giving it much consideration. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you both the best of luck. ... (read in full...)

He says the sex is better with me but he still keeps his girlfriend. Do I wait around or end things?

Q.   Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and ...

A.   20 August 2017: It is always sad to read posts like yours and realize some people really think they are worth so little. He is throwing you crumbs of hope for "the future" (which will never come) so you keep coming back but he has no intention of offering you any ... (read in full...)

Uncertain of my feelings at this time

Q.   I m in my last year of my schooling and I have never been in a relationship so far. But I was attracted to a girl in my class and she was also attracted to me. We started to hangout, go on rides and met alone when no was there in the home. We used ...

A.   19 August 2017: I don't know if you are in LOVE. I suspect you are actually in LUST. Never under-estimate the power of lust though; it is a very powerful emotion - especially in young people as all your hormones are raging. I can't imagine many young people o... (read in full...)

He spent 5 years in prison for crippling a child in a drunken car accident

Q.   Would you date someone with a criminal record ? I met this guy at a party of a mutual friend. We spent the whole night talking and exchanged numbers. After spending hours a day texting / talking we went on an amazing first date. At the end of ...

A.   18 August 2017: Sending hugs. Really really tricky situation to be in and a very difficult decision to make. We all make mistakes in life. It is just that most of us "get away with it" because we manage not to have an accident or kill anyone (or injure them to ... (read in full...)

Did he cross the line? I'm not sure.

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month now, things are good. He has his kids every weekend so that kinda sucks but all and all he is nice.. I haven't met his kids yet but it's a bit soon for that. Anyway I told him that I haven't had ...

A.   18 August 2017: If you can't trust him, then you should never be in a situation like that again with him. I'm not completely understanding what happened but, if I am reading your post right, he was having intercourse with you without a condom, then it is possi... (read in full...)

Am I too sensitive or he just rude?

Q.   Would you be upset at your BF for ignoring a "Thinking of you" text you sent to him? I can see he opened it but he didn't respond. About an hour later, I saw he was on Facebook for 45 min til 11 p.m. While he was on FB I sent him a heart on ...

A.   18 August 2017: As you had already spent time together that day, could he possibly have just wanted a bit of time alone? Just because you are in a relationship does not mean you have to live in each other's pockets. ANYTHING could have been going on. Perhaps he was ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend of 8 months is going on vacation with his almost ex wife and their kids! Is this normal? Is this okay?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a man (in recovery from alcohol) for 8 months. A few months back things got a little rocky as hes still not fully divorced that's not final for about 2 more months. I have not met his children, nor him mine. Hi...

A.   18 August 2017: Nothing you have posted rings any alarm bells for me - except your impatience. This sounds like a couple who no longer want to be married to each other but who want to stay on good terms for the sake of the children they share. You don't mention the ... (read in full...)

I feel guilty for having feelings for my wife's sister!

Q.   I am very happily married but I think I love my wife's sister. She is married to my friend who has changed over the years and treats her terrible. We were always close but now she confides in me all the time. She is always hugging me and rubbing my ...

A.   18 August 2017: There is probably more than a touch of sibling rivalry going on here, so be careful you don't become the victim. Your sister-in-law sees her sister has something better than her, something she desires, and she is trying to steal it from her - like ... (read in full...)

Have I done the right thing in leaving this relationship?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for 7 years. The relationship transpired from my girlfriend having an affair. She promised when separated that we would spend more time together. 7 yeas on and she hasn't told her children about me and her ex is around ...

A.   17 August 2017: It has been 4 weeks and she has not made any effort to contact you. Does that not give you your answer? She doesn't actually care. Sad but true. While I totally agree that parents should not introduce partners to children until they are fairly c... (read in full...)

Could our relationship be salvaged?

Q.   So this past Monday my girlfriend of 6 months split up with me. She's just got back from a week away with her sister and the day she went away told me she had been thinking about it because of how I react to things and how she's constantly worrying ...

A.   17 August 2017: I am so sorry for how much you are hurting at the moment. Breakups hurt, regardless of whether you were together 6 months or 6 years. It is because you are also mourning the end of your hopes and dreams for the two of you as a couple. Be kind to ... (read in full...)

I'm annoyed about his contradictory comments about not wanting children but not using birth control with his exes!

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend for three months and in general we get on well. But one thing that keeps cropping up is his exes. The other evening the subject of children were brought up (he hasn't got any). He told me that he had not used ...

A.   16 August 2017: Whatever you do, USE CONTRACEPTION! Do not assume he cannot father children. I think he is just a typical lazy male. Not all are that irresponsible but many (sadly) see contraception as "her job" and are then surprised if their partner falls pr... (read in full...)

He's a sweet person except when he's turned on!

Q.   Dear Cupid(s), I am very confused. At the beginning of the year I met a guy and things seemed to be going really well. Both of us were virgins, and when we finally had sex it felt like that became all our entire relationship was about. I started...

A.   16 August 2017: Neither of you is "right" or "wrong". You are just different. If you are not comfortable with his behaviour, then you need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. If it is, bite the bullet and break up for good. Don't stay in contact.... (read in full...)

My best friend's boyfriend tells me he loves me.

Q.   So my best friend's boyfriend likes me and her and I like him as well. I feel horrible for liking him even though I liked him before they started going out. He says we should just wait even though he keeps telling me he loves me. I don't know what ...

A.   13 August 2017: He's putting you "on hold" for when his relationship with your best friend runs out of steam or when they fall out. Being best friends means no poaching each other's boyfriends. How would you feel if YOU were in the relationship with him and SHE ... (read in full...)

Having sex all the time is really putting me off having sex

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together about seven months now. Things are kosher for the most part with a few small arguments here and there. One of the few things about the relationship that bother me is his sex drive. When we started dating I ...

A.   12 August 2017: So many alarm bells ringing here, I am deafened! There are some men who, regardless of age, maintain high sex drives, and it sounds like you have one there. (A friend of mine is with one who is now in his mid 50s and still expecting "release... (read in full...)

I bought a house with my boyfriend, am falling out of love and have fallen for a man on the other side of the world

Q.   Hi aunts and uncles, First off please no judgement I didn't expect any of this to happen Need some help here. So I'm 38 no married no kids but have just in the last three months purchased a house in my hometown with my partner of four...

A.   12 August 2017: The house is the LEAST of your problems. Houses can be sold as easily as bought. Just get it back on the market and release your poor partner to find someone who actually wants to be with him (because you obviously don't). At 38, I am sure you... (read in full...)

A one time encounter has caused my friend to be standoffish. Do I contact him on his birthday?

Q.   Hey all I'm in need of some advice. I crushed on one of my friends for about 3 years, i'm gay and he's bi but not out to many. He had girlfriends for most of that time but one day they were about to split and after a night out we were on our own ...

A.   11 August 2017: It's been two years. You need to move on. He has had plenty of time to get back in contact IF HE WANTED TO. He has made it plain - for whatever reason - that this is not what he wants. You need to respect his wishes. You obviously felt a connecti... (read in full...)

How can I stop thinking of myself as a failure and get my life in order?

Q.   i've failed to establish any sort of relationships with women. I've never had any confidence in myself and always dreamed of having a girlfriend. I'll be honest and say that I felt that having a woman would somehow validate me. I know this is wrong ...

A.   11 August 2017: Crikey, 26 years old and still a virgin? Your life is obviously over! I am pulling your leg of course (but only gently) because that is the way your post comes across. 26 is not exactly "past it". Your life is not over. You are not too old to start ... (read in full...)

Each time I nearly had sex I pulled back .... now we have split up!

Q.   Hi, Me and my now ex boyfriend broke up and it was a very hard decision for us to make because we love each other very much...We met about four months ago at work and we've been together for a month and a half before our break up. Everythi...

A.   11 August 2017: What can you do? You can put this guy in the trash can where he belongs and thank your gut instinct that it protected you from having sex with him. If he dumped you after just 6 weeks because you were not ready to have sex with him, then sweetheart, ... (read in full...)

I've concerns about this LDR.

Q.   This guy has just asked me to be his girlfriend but dropped the bombshell that he's moving to Edinburgh for at least a year. We sorta agreed that we would try Long distance and everything was as good as it could be. However, the last few day...

A.   11 August 2017: I think you are too young to be wasting a year of your life waiting for someone to make up his mind whether he wants to be in a relationship with you or not. You are already having misgivings at his lack of commitment and effort. Trust your gut... (read in full...)

Should I feel flattered by this older man?

Q.   I just started seeing a man who is 23 years older than me and I need tips and advice and insights into how a man that age is used to dating in comparison to how I'm used to dating. The truth is our dating experiences are definitely going to differ ...

A.   10 August 2017: I am sure you are old enough and experienced enough to realize everyone is different and that there is no "normal" - regardless of age or colour. The fact that he wants to tell his family about you after just one date would worry ME a lot (but... (read in full...)

We were getting on so well .... but now he just blanks me.

Q.   Is it time for me to give up? So I was seeing this man for a while, things were great and he told me he loved me and we talked about a future together. We met at work. All of a sudden he has now started blanking me, contact fizzled out apar...

A.   10 August 2017: How rude. Do you really want to be with someone who blows hot and cold like this? Who has no empathy for how his behaviour is making you feel? If he can do it once, he can do it again. When he emailed you to say he cared, did you not email hi... (read in full...)

He seems a lovely guy but could I be missing something?

Q.   I have been communicating steadily with a man I met online now for around 6 months, but we have been also interacting on message boards now for more like 8 months. Things have progressed to us both being seriously interested in seeing if we could ...

A.   10 August 2017: This guy sounds so like a guy I work with who is in his 40s but never had a girlfriend in the 11 years I have worked with him. He is the loveliest guy you could wish to meet. He is everyone's friend. He is the "fixer" in the office. He is everyone's ... (read in full...)

When its good its great but right now its bad.

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend now for roughly four months. It's long distance so things have gotten intense pretty quickly! We were planning to move in together but I felt it was too soon so I told him how I felt. Since then things have not been ...

A.   10 August 2017: I have only one question: why would you want to move in with someone who, after only such a short time, tries to belittle you? You must surely realize this will not get better as time goes on, especially if you move in together. Being out of w... (read in full...)

My brother is about to be taken for a ride by an online Romanian stripper!

Q.   My older brother is marrying a 21 year old stripper from Romania to bring her to the US. He met her on a webcam girl site. It is likely a romance/green card scam. He is really in a mid life crisis (48) and this is totally out of character for him. ...

A.   10 August 2017: I doubt you can do much to influence him at the moment. He is bitter about his ex and this is his way of dealing with those feelings. In your shoes I would say something like "You are my brother. I am worried by the course you are taking but it i... (read in full...)

I ended the affair but he keeps contacting me

Q.   I have been involved with a married man for over 5 years....he said he's in a sexless marriage and his wife doesn't show him any affection....he can't leave her yet as he feels he would be abandoning his kids even though they are in their late ...

A.   9 August 2017: You had a straight choice: wait until the time is "right" for him (which would probably be the 12th of Never because there would always be a reason for him to stay) or decide, as you did, that enough is enough, and end things with him. If you REAL... (read in full...)

Is it strange to be 'vetted' by your partners family?

Q.   Does anyone else think this is a little odd, basically I am in a new relationship with a lovely woman and she has told me that a certain person that she knows (I don't know if it is a family member or friend) has 'vetted' me to make sure I am who I ...

A.   9 August 2017: I think it is very sensible and caring of them to do this. If this was someone in YOUR family, would you not be tempted to do the same? YOU know you are genuine, but they don't know you from Adam. Don't take it as a personal insult. In today's ... (read in full...)

How can I change my outlook on life?

Q.   How can I stop my negative approach to life? Has anyone overcome this negative outlook on life and if so how? I have been in therapy and it's clear to me that I'm a miserable woman (sad) but true nothing makes me happy- I myself am not happy - I ...

A.   7 August 2017: Sweetheart, nobody and nothing can MAKE you happy. Happiness is a life choice. Obviously there are times when all of us are sad because of things that happen. Also, if there are mental health issues, like depression, these will bring your mood down. ... (read in full...)

Why would he want so badly to sleep with other women

Q.   My boyfriend of 3years. Experienced "Swinging" with his former spouse. Now he wants me to experience the lifestyle..saying I'll love it... Its really not something I have ever even thought about. Really doesn't interest me... But I suppose my ...

A.   7 August 2017: I have absolutely no idea why he wants to do it as, like you, this has NEVER appealed to me. To me, sex is something special between two people, in private, without involvement from any other parties. Within those parameters, as long as both parties ... (read in full...)

Boyfriends parents ignore me

Q.   Boyfriend's family makes me feel like a burden? I am cordially invited, but when I am there, I feel like I am in the way....

A.   7 August 2017: OK, you have posted two separate posts. In this one you say you feel in the way when they invite you and a burden. In the other one you feel jealous that they invite your boyfriend's brother's girlfriend to things you are not included in. First... (read in full...)

My mother has had custody of my son. I want him back and I've changed but she won't allow me to have him!

Q.   [Mod note: flag should be USA] Some background information on me and my situation.. I want to know what others would do, or feel if they were in my position. I had my first daughter when I was 16. I then got married as a minor and we had a son shor...

A.   6 August 2017: First of all, a big WELL DONE for turning your life around, despite being let down by your mother (and your father we assume, as you don't mention him). I hope you give yourself credit for your achievements, both professional and personal. You are a ... (read in full...)

We bought a house together but feel my fiance is taking advantage of me financially

Q.   My finance and I bought a house together at the beginning of the year. I paid for the entire down payment out of my savings account, with the understanding that he will pay me back for his half. In addition, I also put 25K into our joint account to ...

A.   6 August 2017: $25K is not exactly "petty", is it? If you had the money "spare", then it would perhaps not be such a big deal but, as this was your personal money, your "life savings", and you now have nothing left, you really do need to sit down and have a ... (read in full...)

Cheating past discovered via old emails! Should I confront him?

Q.   ve been with my bf for almost 10 years now. I've never had any issues, and never even had a slight suspicion that he would do anything he's not supposed to, and never had trust issues with him (maybe I'm too naive?) one thing always peeved me off ...

A.   5 August 2017: But you ARE a snoop! Do you honestly think people are going to believe you just "came across" these emails from 6 years ago? Even if you did, you could have left them unread, but you didn't. People who snoop tend to unearth something unexpect... (read in full...)

My boyfriends suggestions are illogical and dangerous.

Q.   I had to travel for good to find a better life but he convinced me to comeback and live as a real couple with him. Back then our relationship has been starting we shortly met, no details , no long conversations, the looks and decent shy approach ...

A.   5 August 2017: Right, let me first of all say that I hope I have got the general gist of your post, as I find some of it difficult to understand. Apologies if I have misunderstood some of it; please feel free to correct me. From what I gather, you had set off ... (read in full...)

Husband's new job takes him away from home.

Q.   my husband of two and a half years has accepted a job as a cell phone tower climber and will be starting in two weeks. the job includes full benefits (which is a boost to my salary since we'll be dropping the benefits we have through my employer), ...

A.   5 August 2017: It's only a job. It is not a marriage contract. It doesn't have to be for life. For the time being, he has a well paid job. Why not agree a time span for this job and, during that time, put away as much money as possible, or pay off your mortgage... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says he will never marry me because of a bad divorce

Q.   Hi i have a bf for almost 2 1/2 years. He is divorce cos his ex wife cheated on him. Im widpw but never have Problem with my marriage. The thing is, i love my bf now and i know he love me too. But because of his bad experience with his ex wife he ...

A.   2 August 2017: "Officially" will not guarantee you stay together. A wedding ring will not guarantee you will stay together (as he already knows to his cost). There are no guarantees in life, and certainly not in relationships. You need to decide whether your boy... (read in full...)

Why wasn't the fact that he was married and a baby on the way enough to stop him from cheating?

Q.   I just found out that my husband cheated on me. Him and I are "newlyweds" we married in may 2017 and his affair happened from February to early May 2017. He is in the army and he used to be based only 3 hours away from our hometown. He would visit ...

A.   1 August 2017: Oh sweetheart. I am so sorry you are going through this. What should be a joyous time in your life - your first child growing inside you - will now always be associated with these bad memories. Despite what he did, could you still love your hus... (read in full...)

How do I break my news to the family?

Q.   My bf and I have known each other since high school, he have been dating for 10 months. We have talked about marriage a lot and have started looking at houses together. Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. I was using bc but recently switched ...

A.   30 July 2017: As your brother is the member of your family who seems to be most supportive of you, perhaps you could tell him first and ask him for his advice on telling the rest of the family? In your shoes, I would say something along the lines of "We real... (read in full...)

Is a man considered promiscuous for having 15 sexual partners?

Q.   Is having 12-15 women as sexual partners considered promiscuous for the average man? Would that many partners be a deal breaker for you? ...

A.   30 July 2017: How old is this man? If you are talking a 20 year old, then yes, that number of sexual partners would ring alarm bells. If you are talking someone double that age or older, then not necessarily. What was the context of the "relatio... (read in full...)

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