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*oucannotbeserious

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I'm shy and need help in talking to customers

Q.   I start a new temporary job in a month , im working in the restaurant hoping for some retail experience too and I'm just wanting some advice on how to talk to the customers as im a shy person , like how to get better at knowing what to talk to about ...

A.   22 September 2018: When I eat out in a restaurant, I look for a waiter/waitress who is polite and who makes me feel welcome. Greet customers with a smile. Perhaps tell them your name and say something like, "Hi. My name's xx. I will be your waitress tonight.... (read in full...)

Iv recently found out my wife has had sex with women

Q.   Hi, found this site accidentally while googling my issue. Ive been with someone 28 years and married 25 years, been together since late teens, thought everything was ok but now I know isnt. Iv recently found out my wife has had sex on more that a ...

A.   22 September 2018: Whether she is having sex with men, women, or one man or one woman, it is still cheating. Her marriage vows included the promise "forsaking all others". Have you grown apart due to your health issues? Is she seeking intimacy as much as sex? Do ... (read in full...)

Good date but no sparks. Should I ask for a second?

Q.   Hi all, I went on a first date with a girl last night. We met on a dating website. I am unsure what to do next. She was a nice girl and I think the date went well. It was comfortable and conversation flowed. She said at the end that it felt lik...

A.   22 September 2018: Given your unsuccessful approach to relationships in the past (jumping into relationships which have obviously not worked out), perhaps it is time to take a more "measured" approach and get to know someone well as a person before deciding if there ... (read in full...)

Her husband abruptly didn’t want to move! Any advice on how I can advise her?

Q.   A good friend of mine is very upset. She had accepted a promotion with her company to move to Florida. Her husband is a pilot for a major airline and also made arrangements to relocate to Florida. So my friend went through the process to buy a house ...

A.   22 September 2018: Just noticed you are male so have to add that males typically (although not always) feel they have to "fix" problems, whereas females often just need someone to listen and acknowledge their feelings and frustrations. A word of caution: don't ge... (read in full...)

Her husband abruptly didn’t want to move! Any advice on how I can advise her?

Q.   A good friend of mine is very upset. She had accepted a promotion with her company to move to Florida. Her husband is a pilot for a major airline and also made arrangements to relocate to Florida. So my friend went through the process to buy a house ...

A.   22 September 2018: Don't make the mistake of thinking you need to give advice to be supportive. As you (and we) don't know WHY her husband changed his mind, none of us are in a position to give any advice. You are already being supportive. Let her talk. Agree th... (read in full...)

Why is this married female coworker playing games?

Q.   Why would married female coworker who is friendly with everyone shower me with gifts just told me she cheated on her husband before out the blue seeks me out all day but today she invites me to smoke and then ignores me and wouldn't even sit next to ...

A.   22 September 2018: Can't disagree with any of the advice given already. She is pulling your strings to make you dance to her tune - which you are obediently doing. Perhaps you should ask her husband how you should handle her and whether accepting gifts ... (read in full...)

I’ve been bullied by my brother-in-law for 17 years! What is the best revenge?

Q.   I have a brother in law and for 17 years he has disliked me from the very moment he laid eyes on me. I am a very likeable and confident, and id like to say hot girl lol i am hilarious and fun love to tell stories and make people laugh i dont have ...

A.   22 September 2018: When I read this: "I am a very likeable and confident, and id like to say hot girl lol i am hilarious and fun love to tell stories and make people laugh i dont have any enemies", my first thought was that you come across as someone who thinks t... (read in full...)

Does him not being able to stay hard with me prove he isn’t attracted to me physically?

Q.   I just started seeing this new guy and everything is great. We are able to talk and laugh with each other and just have a good time. He calls me beautiful and sexy and says he likes the way I look. But last night we just tried to have sex for the ...

A.   21 September 2018: I very much doubt that lack of physical attraction is the cause of his issue. As he is capable of having erections, it is far more likely to be nerves at being with someone new that are causing the problem. If you like this guy (and I assum... (read in full...)

I need to talk about what I am feeling but cant burden my family or people at work

Q.   Hi, I have a dilemma and I’m starting to feel desperate I’m afraid this may be very long winded :/ but if I don’t tell someone out there how I’m feeling I will implode. First of all I should say that I have been suffering from ptsd for the last yea...

A.   20 September 2018: If we want to do something, we will find the time. If we don't, then we will find numerous excuses. You NEED to see a professional about your feelings before they get out of hand. You NEED to tell someone you have thoughts about ending things b... (read in full...)

I lost my job living at home and really struggling

Q.   Hey guys, I really don’t know what to do here. I’m 28, have been in successful career, slowly building up money for house, still living with parents. Recently I lost my job and it has been a month since I have worked. I am living with parents ...

A.   20 September 2018: Losing your job can knock the stuffing out of the strongest of people, so don't be too hard on yourself for struggling to cope. Remember, this too will pass. Like Honeypie, I too would strongly recommend either temping or, if that is not possible... (read in full...)

My wife wants to use a sperm donor to ensure that our third child isn't autistic but I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Q.   My wife (34f) and I (36m) have been married for just over six years and in many ways have an ideal marriage and are very much still in love. Despite two kids, we still have sex 2 - 3 times per week. We still find time for getaways nearby beaches, ...

A.   19 September 2018: The person of most importance in this potential scenario is the child you are going to produce and rear. If you cannot open your heart to a child fathered by another man (there is no grey area here - you either can or you can't; everyone is ... (read in full...)

My fiance is a virgin but I've slept with 6 people and had an abortion. Do I need to tell him all this?

Q.   Hi, I am engaged to a wonderful guy from the last 5 months, we are going to get married this December 2018,I came to know by investigation and inspection and his views and thoughts and actions, that he is a virgin and he is against premarital sex ...

A.   19 September 2018: My first thought was "NO! Don't tell him." But the problem with secrets is that they have a way of coming back to haunt us when we least expect it. There is always the possibility, if you have to have medical treatment in the future, you will nee... (read in full...)

I want a second child and my husband does not! It’s really becoming a problem for me! Advice?

Q.   My husband and I are at a complete impasse. We have a 3yr old son who is amazing and I feel truly blessed to be his mommy, but I yearn for a 2nd baby! I have felt this way for over a year. And anytime I speak to my husband about it he is very ce...

A.   17 September 2018: Sometimes we have to accept that we cannot have everything we want in life. You already have so much more than many: a husband and healthy beautiful child, both of whom you love. Despite this you feel devastated because you cannot have ANOTHER ... (read in full...)

Do you think she doesn’t want to see me?

Q.   do you think she doesnt wanna see me? so this all happend last year when i was at work and i went out to the lobby and i saw the girl i used to liked back in high school sitting at the table with her boyfriend i guess she was waiting for her food...

A.   17 September 2018: Wow! If they handed out medals for over-thinking, you would be dripping in gold. There are MANY reasons why her boyfriend could be picking up the food for them both. She might be ill. She might be working. It doesn't take two of them to pick up ... (read in full...)

She owes me money but is adamant she transferred the money!

Q.   Hello This is not so much a dating question or anything, but I have used this website before for advice and found it helpful. A girl I have been on and off chatting to asked me if she could borrow £1000 to repair her damaged car. I agreed...

A.   17 September 2018: If you can't contact her, then you have a problem. If you CAN get hold of her, insist on going to her bank with her to find out what happened to the payment. Obviously, if she is lying (which sounds highly likely), she will refuse to go. If she is ... (read in full...)

Is he fully really over me when it’s only been a month?

Q.   Me and my ex were together for 1 year and a bit. It was good for the majority of the time but recently he started acting up. About a few months ago he wasn’t giving me the effort I deserved and only recently he broke it off with me about a month ...

A.   17 September 2018: He may be so shallow that he really IS over you. Maybe he is taking out other girls to help him get over you. The question is, why does it matter to you? Your relationship is over. All he is proving by taking girls to the same place on a ... (read in full...)

I am panicked about delivering the eulogy at my dad's funeral service.

Q.   I am giving a eulogy for my dad who passed away on Sept. 11. I am his first born and it is family tradition that the first born delivers the eulogy. I am panicked and afraid I will break down. So many people are relying on me. So, I also feel ...

A.   17 September 2018: I am so sorry for your loss. Nobody will be surprised or upset if you break down and cry. I have been to many funerals where the person delivering the eulogy has struggled. Take tissues with you so you can wipe away the tears. Do you have a siblin... (read in full...)

Why do I attract older women?

Q.   A bit about myself. I consider myself somewhat of a dork. Not good at sports. Tall but not confident. Naturally skinny. I was never good at dating, girls liked to chat with me but I end up friend zoning them. I always thought this was due to my ...

A.   16 September 2018: As an older woman myself, I have lost count of the number of times I have looked at a young male who seems to struggle getting attention from females his own age and wondered, "What is wrong with these girls? Why do they not see how ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's mother hates me and my boyfriend takes her side

Q.   Recently I've been feeling distant from my boyfriend, he s not the person I fell.in love with. He critisces everything I do and makes me feel worthless, I've tried talking to him about how He s making me feel but he says he doesn't put me down that ...

A.   15 September 2018: Sorry, HE wishes YOU were a better person? Honestly? Sweetheart, in your shoes I would tell him "I don't like the insecure down-trodden unhappy abused person I have become around you. I am going to take your advice and become a better person and the ... (read in full...)

How do I get over this anger toward my ex?

Q.   It's been over 3 months since me and my ex broke up. Tonight a mutual friend said he has been really low for a few weeks and that could I talk to him. I had blocked him on everything and although I felt okay, I wasn't sure it was a good idea.......

A.   15 September 2018: Sounds like you were keeping a lid on your anger for the past 3 months. Hopefully you will start feeling better now that you have lifted that lid and released the anger. It is not going to happen overnight. You are still on a "high" from your con... (read in full...)

My boyfriend spends more time with my dog

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We do live together and for the most part it’s great but, lately he hasn’t really been affectionate. I have 4 dogs but my one female he is particularly close too. Well anyway my problem ...

A.   15 September 2018: I don't think your dog is the problem here. I think the real problem is that your boyfriend no longer shows YOU any affection, hence him showing affection to the dog magnifies this. Maybe he finds it easier to show affection to an animal than to ... (read in full...)

He says he can't predict how he will feel in the fututre

Q.   I’ve been with my bf for 6 months it’s all going well we love each other a lot and planning on moving in in a month. He’s 30 and only had a handful of short term relationships (9 months max - he’s a commitment phobe and has never felt previous ...

A.   14 September 2018: Is it not also entirely possible that YOU could wake up one day and decide HE is not right for YOU? Harsh as his words may sound to you, he is just being honest and realistic. NOBODY can guarantee how they will feel in the future. Love is all about ... (read in full...)

I feel I am not loved even though he says he does love me

Q.   I've been with the same person for almost 6 years. he has never been super loving or supportive. but the last 2 years it seems like he is ignoring me more. we have had sex the entire relationship maybe 20 times. so sex less than 1 time a month. he ...

A.   14 September 2018: There should be more to a relationship than the things it is NOT (not abusive, not controlling, etc). In any case, he is not abusive or controlling or any of the other things you list because he does not care about you. (Not saying he SHOULD be any ... (read in full...)

My progressive hair loss is making me insecure about dating

Q.   Hi all, I'm having a real tough time with my confidence on dates. This has been due to my now significant hair loss. I'm in my late 20's and recently went out with a girl who i'd not seen for almost a year (i'd had to move away for work, but we kept ...

A.   14 September 2018: Honestly? It's far more likely to be down to your insecurity about your hair loss than to the actual hair loss itself. These days very short haircuts are all the fashion for men so, instead of trying to disguise your hair loss (which can often ju... (read in full...)

How do I get this master manipulator out of my thoughts?

Q.   Hello. I am looking for advice on a bad breakup. I am trying to figure out how I let someone manipulate my feelings like this. And how I still feel quite sad. I became reacquainted with someone from my childhood. He was never aggressive or a ...

A.   14 September 2018: Sweetheart, you need to open your eyes and take some responsibility for what happened. Most of what happens in life happens by CHOICE. OUR choice. You were not FORCED into anything. You say you were MANIPULATED but, really, you ALLOWED that to ... (read in full...)

Why block someone and not delete them?

Q.   My ex and i split up 8 months ago i never thought id see or speak to him again. A couple of month back we slept together ( both wanted it ) but before we did we were talking about how we could try again. We started to talk a little more over the...

A.   14 September 2018: Your ex slept with you, chatted for a while then disappeared again and your biggest worry is why he blocked you but didn't delete you? I would suggest a far more pertinent question is, why were you so eager to jump into bed with someone without ... (read in full...)

My new boyfriend has become obsessed about my past

Q.   Hi there I ended my marriage a year ago due to domestic violence. I was married for 10 years and have 2 children out of this marriage. I'm in a long term relationship with this wonderful man - very caring, sympathetic, logical and strong minded p...

A.   14 September 2018: Sweetheart, you need to take off your rose coloured spectacles and see this man for what he truly is, not what you WISH/HOPE/NEED him to be. You have basically gone from one abusive relationship into another. He may not physically abuse you (yet... (read in full...)

My mother in law brings strange men into our home

Q.   Hi guys, I've been having a bit of a problem at home. Basically my husband's father has recently died and that left his mother on her own. Because of this we agreed to move her into the spare room at our house - but it's a nightmare. She's 60 ...

A.   14 September 2018: It sounds like your mother-in-law is grieving for her husband by throwing herself into a wild life style and reliving her youth. Two things come to mind: 1. Your husband needs to sit down with her and gently but firmly ask her what is going on... (read in full...)

I dumped my boyfriend for sponging off of me but now I feel guilty

Q.   I’ve been dating this guy for 9 months now. Things started off great and though we have had a few issues I feel like they can be worked through. The latest issue though is surrounding money. He lost his job a few months ago and has been having a...

A.   12 September 2018: You owe him NOTHING. You have been in this relationship a matter of months. You do not have vast amounts of spare money. He is not helpless or destitute. You do not have past history of him supporting YOU. Keeping a roof over your own and your ... (read in full...)

What is the next move for me?

Q.   I don't really know how to read this situation or move forward with it.. I went on a couple of dates last December with a girl i met online. They went really well, however I had to move away early in the new year for work. We loosely kept in touch...

A.   11 September 2018: If you really like this girl, I would arrange another few meetings. Keep them casual and light-hearted. Something which will keep you both occupied so you can enjoy each other's company without getting too "close". Perhaps activities like bowling or ... (read in full...)

I want my mother to move in with us so I can take care of her

Q.   Hi everyone. My fiance and I are in the process of moving back to my home state and purchasing a house there. It is a relatively large house and we have more than enough space to start a family. My mom is not in the best of health. She recen...

A.   11 September 2018: You obviously have a good heart and care deeply for your mother. However, your #1 priority should be your husband and, ultimately, the children you plan to have together. Is it possible to make a "granny flat/annex" for your mother to live in ... (read in full...)

Was I really nothing more than a sexual conquest to him?

Q.   I am 29 yrs old in a loveless marriage. I married a good friend thinking things will spice up post marriage but unfortunately there is everything in this relationship but passion. I do love my husband a lot and likewise but we have not had sex in 2 ...

A.   11 September 2018: Yes, of course he just wanted you for sex, otherwise he would not have gone after a married woman. Without meaning to sound brutal, do you honestly think you are so irresistible that he would have risked his reputation and being badly hurt by having ... (read in full...)

Does this indicate that there is more than a friendship or just nothing to worry about?

Q.   Ok so my boyfriend has a female friend which happens to be his accountant but he told me they are also friends,they around the same age group, he is older than me, when my bf did his housewarming get together he invited me and my family plus his ...

A.   10 September 2018: What is going on with you, sweetheart? I did think your post sounded familiar but decided to take it on face value, rather than waste time wading through previous posts. Thankfully other aunts have better memories. As the "other woman" changes ... (read in full...)

Do men dating online often omit details of past relationships?

Q.   I’m curious whether this is the norm with men in particular and online dating, but do men generally omit details about the more recent relationships / dalliances so as to not appear still hung up on someone? Or some other reason? I was in discu...

A.   9 September 2018: A question for YOU: why are you so fixated on this one on/off relationship? His past relationships are, quite frankly, none of your business, unless they affect you in some way (violence, STIs, etc). How do you know that the relationship with your ... (read in full...)

How can I motivate and encourage my daughter to socialize more? is her behaviour normal?

Q.   My daughter is 19, and I've been really concerned about her mental health lately. Since she graduated from high school, her friends would reject hanging out with her, basically everyone went to a different place and they just lost contact. My ...

A.   9 September 2018: I think it is often the case that, once high school is over, people who were school friends drift away in different directions. What is more worrying is that your daughter has fallen in with a crowd who sound like they use her as entertai... (read in full...)

How should I not feel so worried about maybe not getting a text or phone call back?

Q.   I have a friend who has recently gone away to university so I wont see her for a few months . im hoping to see her when shes back but im really worried that she will meet new friends and forget about me because I know this can happen . I'm really ...

A.   7 September 2018: Oh sweetheart. Your post is full of fears and assumptions. You ASSUME your friend will forget about you just because she MAY make new friends. You FEAR she MAY not text you back, as that has not been a strength of hers so far. You FEAR she MAY not ... (read in full...)

Does this indicate that there is more than a friendship or just nothing to worry about?

Q.   Ok so my boyfriend has a female friend which happens to be his accountant but he told me they are also friends,they around the same age group, he is older than me, when my bf did his housewarming get together he invited me and my family plus his ...

A.   5 September 2018: Whatever is going on with HER doesn't really matter as HE is not taking her up on it. My guess is he does not want to fall out with her because she is his accountant, but neither does he want a closer friendship with her than he has already, hence ... (read in full...)

How do I stop being a glutton for punishment?

Q.   I was involved with attached guy for over a year.I'm not sure if he is actually married or common law but he lives with his kids mother and thier twin boys.When we met he told me that their relationship was over but just trying to figure out what's ...

A.   5 September 2018: It always makes me feel sad to read posts like this and realize there are people who think this is all they are worth. Sweetheart, you KNOW you are worth so much more. Don't put the whole blame onto HIM though. You ALLOWED yourself to be manipula... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's family word is golden, mine doesn’t count!

Q.   I need some advice. I have been dating a guy for five years, his family is top priority with him, I am bottom of his list. I will add that his family absolutely dislike me, no matter what I do, it is always wrong. He has a large park RV that his...

A.   5 September 2018: If you are truly the LAST priority on this guy's list, then why are you wasting your time with him? What are you getting from this relationship? Are you just with him because you think being with someone who treats you with such disregard and whose ... (read in full...)

How do I enforce boundaries with my sister?

Q.   This post is not about my romantic relationship per se, but more about my sister and how it is affecting my life as a whole. To give a little background, I have been living with my sister(~7 years older) and a friend for past 6 years. I am ...

A.   5 September 2018: I would suggest moving out but suspect that, if you are not actually tied into some sort of rental agreement which stops you leaving, your sister will make you feel so guilty that you will back down and stay. There are two problems here as I see... (read in full...)

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