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*oucannotbeserious

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Anxiety and fear when alone

Q.   Hi there. I am going to be staying alone because my fiance is going away for work for 3 nights. I have anxiety and fear being sick (it is something i have had my whole life). This fear is intensified when i am alone. It is probably worse because I ...

A.   20 May 2018: Is there anyone who could come and stay with you for the 3 days? Perhaps a family member, or a friend? Will you be able to skype or phone your fiance during the 3 days? If he is working during the day, then perhaps in the evening? Do you ... (read in full...)

Please help to explain to my sister that I am not a monster for looking at porn!

Q.   I need the help of the people of DearCupid here. I have been trying to explain to my sister that all guys look at porn one way or another but she wouldn't listen and thinks I am a monster for looking at images of naked women. I have been a role ...

A.   20 May 2018: She is a 15 year old girl who has had a sheltered upbringing. She is far too young to get her head around porn and its implications. I fail to understand why you had to "defend" yourself by bringing up porn (when you were only looking at "fine ar... (read in full...)

I know I should divorce him but I have no energy to do it!

Q.   Hi, i feel very extremely frustrated with my marriage at the moment. We had 30 years together, many of them filled with tragic events and heartbreaking moments. I did have many years of counselling and friends help. But less and less understati...

A.   19 May 2018: In my experience, such as it is, the fear and dread of doing something is often far worse than the actual event or deed. Once you get the ball rolling and start to sort things out, it is not quite the burden you expected. I would recommen... (read in full...)

He broke up with my but regrets it 1.5 years later. I still love him, but what is the right thing to do?

Q.   My ex and I are high school sweethearts and each other’s first love. We had been together for a decade and the last 4 years were long distance. I thought he was the guy I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with;unfortunately he ...

A.   19 May 2018: Your ex's happiness is not YOUR problem. It is his CHOICE whether he moves on or lingers in the past. You are in a good healthy relationship now with someone who treats you as you deserve. Do you think you deserve to be messed about and cheated ... (read in full...)

I don’t want to cut off this friend, but his behavior feels selfish and manipulative? Or is it me who is being childish and needy?

Q.   I have a friend who I used to consider a best friend. He isa very charming person but also totally hypocritical and self interested, at other times eh can be selfless. We used to spend a lot of time together. Recently, with no notice to me his ...

A.   19 May 2018: There is something I completely fail to understand here. You KNOW what this friend has become. You KNOW he is selfish and a user and only makes time for your friendship when it is convenient for him. Yet you still hang in there, hoping he will ... (read in full...)

I don’t feel a spark with her but I still had sex with her!

Q.   Me and this girl broke up a while ago, after about a month she came over to play some video games and chat. It was getting real late and she was getting tired so I offered her to stay the night. During that we began cuddling and making out and it ...

A.   19 May 2018: You are at an age where a "spark" is still very important. If you don't feel that with this girl, do the decent thing and stop having sex with her. Women tend to be unable to separate feelings from sex as easily as men tend to do. Move on. Find... (read in full...)

Should I ask for the money again or just let it go and block her?

Q.   Hi everyone. I know this lady for few years and I can’t call her my friend but we hangout for a coffee sometimes. I find her cheap, not that she is not spending but just her attitude towards money. 2 months ago she was asking to attend an event ...

A.   18 May 2018: I feel very resentful when I have to ask for MY money from someone. It is just so rude and disrespectful. I sold someone I know something a few years ago (for a lot less money than you are owed). They only had part of the money on them and said... (read in full...)

I have a huge crush on the perfect girl but we're both in relationships. Should I still get her number in case we break up with our partners in the future?

Q.   Im in a class with a girl, who when I first saw her thought she was pretty but didnt think much of it. As Ive got to know her a little better over the semester and she is so smart! Probably the most intelligent in the class. She honestly seems so ...

A.   17 May 2018: NOBODY is perfect. You are putting this girl on a pedestal. This is understandable when you know next to nothing about her. However, people on pedestals are very vulnerable and come crashing down at the first sign of any imperfection. How d... (read in full...)

I don't think this party girl is girlfriend material. Should I break up?

Q.   I'm 32 years old my girlfriend is22. We're dating for four months and I still have doubts about her if she is gf material to me. Bottom line is she's a party girl, to me a girl who likes to party and drink and have sex with a lot of dudes is not ...

A.   17 May 2018: Only one piece of advice for you: grow up. You have CHOSEN a girlfriend (we assume nobody FORCED you to date her) who is 10 years younger than you (so at a very different stage in life to you) and who, like many her age, enjoys partying and soci... (read in full...)

Two people in as little as a week have brought me to a choice, and it's tearing me apart.

Q.   For someone bisexual who hasn't had any experience in dating or relationships, I've suddenly been forced with a choice. A woman at work has taken interest in me, and we talk every now and then. Surprisingly, she asked me out on a date. She's nice ...

A.   17 May 2018: Why do you have to make a choice straight away? Both relationships are in their infancy. Have you even met the guy you have been talking to? Dating is all about "trying before you buy". And what do you mean "there's no turning back if I reach a ... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend snub my son by not saying goodbye to him?

Q.   Something is bugging me. I drove my boyfriend to work today. His car is in the shop and he doesn't live with me. My 13 year-old son was in the car too. After I dropped off my boyfriend, I was going to drop my son off at school. Well, my boyfr...

A.   17 May 2018: Does your boyfriend have a close relationship with your son? Was your son bothered by the perceived "snub" or is it only you looking for a reason to feel indignation on behalf of your son? Did your son have his head in his mobile (as most kids that ... (read in full...)

Do I give my ex with a drinking problem a second chance?

Q.   Do I give my ex with a drinking problem a second chance? I had been with my boyfriend for about 11 months now and I recently decided to end our relationship because of his drinking habit. I wasn't happy about his drinking early on but I t...

A.   16 May 2018: I think he WILL change - for a week or two, but after that, guess what? You already know the answer. He could also have a drug problem by the sound of it. I had a short but very volatile relationship with an alcoholic many years ago. A strange ... (read in full...)

My ex said hurtful things about my body. I'm self conscious and my get up and go has gone

Q.   I I hope you guys don't mind me asking for advice. I have been feeling low since splitting with my ex around 5 month ago, I have lost my get up and go and I work and then come home and that's it or I go to bed and fall asleep crying. My ex said I ...

A.   14 May 2018: Sweetheart, listen to me. What these vile men said to you was all about THEM and absolutely ZERO about you. They felt your vulnerability and lack of confidence and exploited it because bullying someone weaker than them made them feel like proper ... (read in full...)

My wife is bi-curious and has talked about a threesome then never does anything about it! What is she thinking?

Q.   Over the years it has been obvious my wife is bi-Curious, she came home one night and told me she kissed another girl, I thought wow tell me more.. she said it was just messing around and we laughed and I though cool .. nothing got mentioned again ...

A.   14 May 2018: Firstly, you need to learn the difference between actually WANTING something and FANTASISING about it. Secondly, you need to listen and take note when your wife says "it will never happen" - unless you care for her that little that you are prep... (read in full...)

Should I tell my parents I am sexually active?

Q.   Okay, I’m 17 and I just lost my virginity about a week ago. My parents don’t know and I’ve had a few of my closest friends tell me that I need to tell my parents. The thing is, I’m terrified that they won’t let me talk to my boyfriend or be with him ...

A.   13 May 2018: Are you being responsible and using effective contraception? If so, then I personally see no reason to share this with your parents. If they ask outright, then you may not want to lie, but volunteering the information is, in my opinion, unnecessary. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says he wants to get back together eventually

Q.   Background story: My boyfriend and I broke up in what initially was in good terms last month. We were together for 7 years, we were fighting too much and became so busy with our own lives that maybe we drifted away. We figured maybe we needed time ...

A.   13 May 2018: Yes, give him a second chance if you have not learned your lesson. Give him a third chance and a fourth chance, until you learn your lesson. Stop reading his posts on social media. In fact, block him (or ask him to block you so you are not temp... (read in full...)

I have a phobia of wasps and it's consuming me!

Q.   This isn't a relationship question, but I have a huge dilemma and I need some advice. I have a phobia of wasps, such a severe phobia that it's not rational. If I truly had a medical condition, then it would be rational, but I'm healthy and don'...

A.   12 May 2018: You are not alone in being afraid of wasps. I am one of those people who hates to kill ANYTHING living, including plants. I think everything has a right to live. I have absolutely no fear of spiders or bees (I will allow bees to crawl on my hands if ... (read in full...)

I initiated a threesome with a guy friend and now my wife is having an affair with him

Q.   I just found out that my wife has been having an affair for the past two years with a single male friend of ours who we had a drunken threesome with two years ago..that threesome which was totally initiated by me alone wasnt so fullfilling for me, ...

A.   12 May 2018: IF what you hear is true (remember you only have someone else's side of this story), then she probably won't even care when you confront her, as she seems obsessed with winning back the other guy. Not defending her behaviour in any way but, if ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my arrogant, moody colleague?

Q.   How do you deal with a moody colleague? I have been with a law firm and my colleague (on my team) has an attitude. He is the possible office hunk - another girl loves to give him attention and so does another colleague - he is attractive I admit I ...

A.   11 May 2018: You are an intelligent educated woman (we assume). Why would you take this man's behaviour personally? You know his behaviour is all about HIM and NOTHING to do with you. You are on the same team so you need to rub along as far as work is conce... (read in full...)

I miss my ex girlfriend terribly. How do I cope with these feelings?

Q.   Hello Everyone, I come across this site as I'm looking for advice. I'm now a 38 year old guy. When I was about 23 I met a girl and we just clicked straight away. We fell in love. We got engaged when we were both about 28. Planned to m...

A.   11 May 2018: I suspect this is a sign that you are finally ready for another relationship. You hanker after your ex because (I assume) yours was the last meaningful relationship you had. Dreaming about her happens purely because you are thinking about her so ... (read in full...)

How I can become a better partner in the future and avoid temptation to cheat?

Q.   Hi everyone, I just broke up with my boyfriend because I cheated on him and had a one night stand with a guy friend. Long story short, my boyfriend was a rebound and he knew it. Before my boyfriend, my ex cheated on me and it really broke my ...

A.   11 May 2018: From your post, it sounds (to me) like you stumble from one man to another, looking for validation of your worth. A relationship ended to you quickly dived into another one, knowing it was a rebound. Then, when you hit a problem, you dived into bed ... (read in full...)

What would a woman feel if a man cried during marriage proposal?

Q.   Dear Aunts, after almost 10 years in a relationship with my girlfriend, I proposed to her this past weekend. I did not planed to cry or anything, but as soon as I was asking her to be my wife, y started crying and I couldn't stop. I really felt bad ...

A.   8 May 2018: Oh sweetheart, I cannot speak for your girlfriend as I do not know her, but I would be so touched if someone cried while proposing. I am sure the proposal was made even more special by your outpouring of emotion. Years from now, when you are talk... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says it’s time for me to give him my virginity!

Q.   My boyfriend tell me it's time to give your virginity I cannot wait it's has been 10 months we are together I know he is my boyfriend and has the right but am scared of my parent if one day know about it ?? my boyfriend don't have a good job my ...

A.   7 May 2018: Sweetheart, he has NO "right" to demand your virginity if you do not want to give it him. How disappointed and upset will your parents be if you fall pregnant? Tell him you will tell him when you are ready and, until then, the answer has t... (read in full...)

He love-bombed me but now has cut ties! Should I hold out hope?

Q.   I have recently started seeing a guy, who suffers with depression, which ive supported as much as i can. Our relationship has been moving very quickly and he recently dropped the love bomb, involved me deeply with his friends and family but He has ...

A.   7 May 2018: Well, you COULD hold out hope but guess what? You will be waiting for a very long time - probably forever. This guy's treatment of you says a lot about him as a person and none of it is good. You deserve so much better. Don't wait around for ... (read in full...)

We are having a baby but he refuses to talk about marriage

Q.   My boyfriend and I of seven months are now having a baby. It was not planned. He talks about a future with me. He has been married before. I have also. He never wants to get married again. He wants to get a home together. He has told me he ...

A.   7 May 2018: An accidental pregnancy at your age? Seriously? If you were an inexperienced teenager, that would possibly be understandable, but at your age? Let me tell you, you are VERY lucky he is pleased about the baby and standing by you. Many a man would ... (read in full...)

Is having a child something that you can end up thinking wow this is the best thing I have ever done or do you stick with your gut feeling?

Q.   My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years and are just in the process of buying a house. She is wanting to have children in the next 2 years. The problem is I have never really been interested in having a child. I have a good job which I ...

A.   7 May 2018: Like you, I have never had an urge to procreate. Being female and quite a bit older than you, I was frequently viewed as a freak and asked what was wrong with me while, all around me, my friends were popping babies like there was some sort of ... (read in full...)

I’ve given up drinking! How do I tell my friend before his bachelor party?

Q.   When I was in my early 20s and mid 20s, I was a heavy drinker. I would not considered myself an alcoholic but I was a drunk. After a really bad experience about six years ago (I was lucky I did not die from alcohol poisoning), I decided that I ...

A.   7 May 2018: Well done, you! Very impressed. I think YouWish's idea of volunteering to be a designated driver is a very good one, assuming this is possible. You need to make sure EVERYONE in the party knows that you are driving as you will know yourself... (read in full...)

How can I attract positive people in my life?

Q.   What is wrong with me that I am attracting these types of people ? My girls friends (envious- backstabbing - opportunist - gossip rider females-) so I learned my lesson and then I stopped hanging out with them. I noticed though even when I don’t tr...

A.   6 May 2018: When it comes to friends, I have found that, like with many things, you can either concentrate on quality or quantity. If you are going to concentrate on quality (as you sound like you need to), you have to forgo the quantity and learn to like being ... (read in full...)

Our teenager's actions are causing problems in our marriage

Q.   I guess what we are experiencing with our 15 year old son is not much different than what every parent of teenagers has been since eternity, but it is still stomping us, and leaving utterly frustrated. Our son has stopped being interested in ...

A.   5 May 2018: My only advice is stop taking it personally. He is not doing it to hurt or upset you. He is doing it because he is 15. He is at that awkward age where he is neither child nor adult. His body is changing rapidly. His hormones are running riot. This ... (read in full...)

I'm tired of my ex's manipulative behavior

Q.   What should I do? I was in a long term relationship and got dumped the other month, I got lots of abusive texts saying disgusting things about me and then the next I was getting texts saying miss you and love you, I replied and got ignored for days ...

A.   5 May 2018: Sick of the mind games? Easy. Stop him contacting you. Block him in any way he can contact you. Take back control of your life and your peace of mind. You are an adult woman. This guy has done nothing but treat you badly. You no longer have to ... (read in full...)

Partner of 5 years lied about a 'friendship and now I feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion

Q.   Hi agony aunts and uncles. I've been a long time reader and love seeing your advice and views. I never once dreamed I'd be writing in and asking for advice. So where to begin. It's currently 2.30 am where I am and this has just happened in the ...

A.   5 May 2018: P.S. In your shoes, I would apologize for over-reacting, TELL him you trust him implicitly (which I assume is true?) and tell him you trust him to behave appropriately. Then leave this behind you and move on. ... (read in full...)

Partner of 5 years lied about a 'friendship and now I feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion

Q.   Hi agony aunts and uncles. I've been a long time reader and love seeing your advice and views. I never once dreamed I'd be writing in and asking for advice. So where to begin. It's currently 2.30 am where I am and this has just happened in the ...

A.   5 May 2018: What exactly did you expect him to say to you about this friend? She is a FRIEND. Do you not have any male friends you message occasionally? Do you tell your fiance about EVERY friend you have and about EVERY message you send? I message male friends ... (read in full...)

If he still plans to move then what is his intentions with reaching out?

Q.   My ex and I broke up a few months back due to him accepting a job offer in a different state. He hasn’t moved yet but we had decided to break it off at that time because there’s no point in prolonging the heartbreak. He reached out a week after the ...

A.   5 May 2018: I have to wonder about the timing of your question. Interesting that you didn't ask it until he said he would STOP contacting you. I would say he is probably being a bit selfish, a bit weak in contacting you. After doing "the right thing" a... (read in full...)

Any advice on dealing with my ex’s odd texts? It’s messing me up!

Q.   Was dumped by my boyfriend end of jan. I kept getting texts of him and then they started dwindling , the longest with no text was nearly 2 weeks and he said he loved me and no more taking sleepers with prefabs anyway as he felt horrid. Anyway fast ...

A.   4 May 2018: You are a grown woman, not a child. You KNOW what you NEED to do. Problem is, it is not the same as you WANT to do, so you will ignore it and continue allowing him to yank your chain to stop you moving on. You can't control what others do, incl... (read in full...)

I don't want to end it so I don't say anything.

Q.   I've been seeing this boy for over a month, we're not official but we have agreed to not see anyone else. I think I might be the first girl he has ever been with which is fine but I am the one putting in all the effort. I am always the one to ...

A.   2 May 2018: So what's the worst that can happen if you broach the subject with your "boyfriend" (I use that word lightly, as there doesn't sound to actually be a relationship)? The worst (in your view) that can happen is that he finishes this non-rela... (read in full...)

My uncle says I remind him of my abusive father

Q.   I feel like ive caused a massive family rift by asking a silly question. Ive had a difficult relationship with my uncle for many of my adult years. He is often very sullen and angry around me. I get short snippy answers to anything i say. He is 48 ...

A.   30 April 2018: P.S. In your shoes I would also minimize your daughters' contact with your uncle, in case he decides that they remind him of you, who reminds him of his brother . . . . ... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend is now messaging my friend

Q.   Dated my ex boyfriend for 6 months, and we admittedly rushed into things which was probably where we went wrong. We’ve been split up about a month now and he’s messaging my friend, but the girl herself hasn’t told me, one of our friends has. I’m...

A.   30 April 2018: Your relationship is over. He is not your property, just as you are not his. You have no idea what they are messaging about, and leave it that way. You have better things to bother your head about. Next time the "friend" who's hell bent on cau... (read in full...)

My uncle says I remind him of my abusive father

Q.   I feel like ive caused a massive family rift by asking a silly question. Ive had a difficult relationship with my uncle for many of my adult years. He is often very sullen and angry around me. I get short snippy answers to anything i say. He is 48 ...

A.   30 April 2018: He is hurting and is lashing at at you because (I am guessing) he never got the chance/was brave enough to lash out at your father. You are a constant reminder of the abuse he suffered at the hands of your father (not for the reasons he gives you ... (read in full...)

Why does my ex married lover want to fix things?

Q.   I really don't know what to anymore about my situation. I left my married lover because it was the right thing to do and it was hurting me. We are both military (one outranks the other) so it complicates things in terms of actually having a ...

A.   30 April 2018: You know you are worth more than being someone's bit on the side. Words are cheap, worth zilch unless they are backed up with something more substantial. He is bombarding you with all this to grind you down, in the hope you will crumble and allow ... (read in full...)

My confidence is shot, I know I'm better off but I want him to realise it.

Q.   My ex of 8 years dumped me 4 months ago, he was and still is an alcoholic and takes heroin and crack and blues and pregabs plus antidepressants ( bought of the streets) I tried helping him and loved him so much , in the past year before the break up ...

A.   28 April 2018: Apart from this man, what else has happened in your life to make you believe you are not worth better? I find your post very sad. You deserve better, and your son CERTAINLY does. HE should be your #1 priority, not someone who abuses you and disr... (read in full...)

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