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*oucannotbeserious

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My boyfriend thinks I've gone off him but we don't have a bed of our own!

Q.   Hi I've been with my bf for almost a year now. We used to have sex and I used to make him excited but we recently moved in with my sister and her daughter so we share the living room. We have sex yeah but its not ideal considering its either on the ...

A.   27 March 2017: You want to make HIM happy but does he do anything to make YOU happy? Does he take time to ensure you are turned on before having sex or does he just expect you to be "up for it"? If the latter, then I don't think it is just the lack of a bed that ... (read in full...)

I am confused! Why didn't my professor call when I left her my number?

Q.   I'm in 4th year of Psychology school, and I am 23 years old. There's this older professor (a woman, in fact). She was married a few times (five, to be exact, all to men), there are rumors that she hooks up with students (not sure which sex), and ...

A.   27 March 2017: I think you need to find a partner nearer your own age so that you can get over this crush you have one someone who is obviously enjoying pulling your strings. It is normal for young people to fantasize about older people but they usually grow out ... (read in full...)

I think I got played and feel like a fool

Q.   I talked about this guy before, he actually manipulated me and got me as far as fooling around and sending pics (naughty pics). As soon as I cut that off, he lied to me big time. I feel like a fool?...

A.   26 March 2017: Take this as a lesson learned and don't be so cheap in future. People tend not to value something they have obtained too easily. Think yourself lucky that he is not blackmailing you about the pics as that is one of the current scams going on... (read in full...)

Phone sex with boyfriend turns out awfully wrong

Q.   I don't know where to start but I've been in a relationship with my man for 5 years and he was never very colourful or expressive when we have phone sex. We recently got into a long distant relationship for 3 months since I'm studying. So these ...

A.   26 March 2017: Be careful what you wish for, as the saying goes! Sorry, but the further I read, the more bemused I became. You have no right to demand your poor fella does anything to his body he is not comfortable with. If he doesn't feel comfortable masturba... (read in full...)

Does it sound like my boyfriend wants to get me pregnant?

Q.   So I think my boyfriend wants me to get pregnant , without actually saying it . This is more of a question for the guys since they may know more about how they think. First of all we haven't been dating for long but he's already talked about get...

A.   26 March 2017: Either stop having sex with him or use some other form of contraception that is effective all the time and leaves control in YOUR hands (pill, coil, injection, etc). Neither of you sound mature enough to be responsible for a child. He is just a f... (read in full...)

Boyfriend didn't contact me and I'm angry

Q.   My bf was at a lunch at a client today and then they went to a hotel bar with the guys for drinks. He hardly contacted me during the lunch nor told me they were going to a bar afterwards. I had to contact him and ask him what he was up to because he ...

A.   26 March 2017: While I can understand why you were peeved at him (given the previous history), you cannot live life like this. It doesn't sound like either of you is happy at the moment - you because you don't trust him and him because he has to report in to you ... (read in full...)

Going silent on me after I asked him how he felt about me by telling me he would talk to me when he is ready.

Q.   Hi. I don't know what to make of my bf's behavior. I asked him a week and a half ago ago who he felt about me, because we are in a long distance relationship and do not get to see one another very often. I don't know how he feels about me, th...

A.   26 March 2017: As I see it, there are one of two things going on here: EITHER he is very controlling and this is his way of keeping you in line, OR he finds discussing emotions/feelings very difficult (some men are really backward in this department). It co... (read in full...)

Please explain medical issues of virginity

Q.   i had sex first time before one year, in a day about 3 times and i lost my virginity , i bled a medium... and want to know that if i will sex after two years.. should i bleed again or not? and what should i do to bleed again?...

A.   25 March 2017: To answer your actual question, it is unlikely you will bleed again - unless the man is very rough with you. Virginity is not something you can have over and over again. By definition, once it has gone, it has gone, although there are (I believe)... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't want kids but I do. My friends say that I should "trap" him. Is that my only option?

Q.   Me and my husband have been together 8 years now and married for 2. Everybody that knows us have always said we are the best couple they've ever met as we love each other A LOT and would do anything for one another. It really is the perfect ...

A.   25 March 2017: Does he realize how important this is to you? If not, then he needs to be told in no uncertain terms. Tricking him into having a child he never wanted would just be the worst possible thing to do and totally unfair on all parties concerne... (read in full...)

Why am I getting mixed signals from her?

Q.   This girl at work is giving me mixed signals, seems like mostly negative. On the one hand someone asked her if she likes me ( in front of me), to which she responded "of course I love him". On the other hand she's always telling me I talk too much, ...

A.   24 March 2017: Oh dear. Have you found a girl who doesn't fall for your charms? Is she a challenge? She may just be playing hard to get, or you may actually irritate her. I would take the "I love him" as her messing about. If she really loved you, she w... (read in full...)

I suspect my fiance is cheating but he thinks I am stupid!

Q.   My fiancé was out last weekend and I was informed from one of his friends he was walking a girl home. The weekend before he was out and lost his phone and I call it and a girl answers whom he had left the phone at her house. This was the only...

A.   24 March 2017: It could all be innocent - or not. The important thing here is that YOU are not sure it is innocent and YOU have reason to doubt him. A relationship needs to be built on trust and you are obviously already wondering if you can trust him. Do you want ... (read in full...)

Just had a baby, but now I am scared about returning home, due to his abusive actions while I was pregnant. What can I do?

Q.   Dear aunties and uncles. I am a first time mom to a month old baby and my husband and I have had a fair share of ups and downs but we love each other a lot and wouldn't dream of spending my life with anyone else. Last year, while in my first trim...

A.   24 March 2017: Sweetheart, you have more to consider now than yourself. Your defenceless baby is relying on its mum to make the right decision to keep it safe. Do you honestly feel the baby would be safe around your husband? You cannot protect YOURSELF against ... (read in full...)

Am I a sex addict? 101

Q.   I just turned 31. I think about sex atleast every 30 minutes. I mentally undress every woman i See or imagine them having sex although im actually not interested in women sexually. My partner count is about 73 men and 2 women. To me a man has to ...

A.   23 March 2017: Have these thoughts about sex only started since you stopped having sex? If so, then it is probably just a normal reaction for someone who appears to have a high sex drive - or (as I suspect) a high NEED for sex to try to satisfy some longing. ... (read in full...)

How can I cool this without offending him? I'm feel anxious!

Q.   I am 70 and have been a widow for 8 years, a married man has been very kind, but recently bought me a rose plant, took me to lunch, and a couple of other visits. He is ok as a friend, the places we have visited are not of interest to his wife, but ...

A.   22 March 2017:  I'm not sure why you feel you owe him anything, just because he took you out to lunch or bought you a rose bush. It sounds like the sort of thing friends would do for each other. Although you say nothing untoward has happened, you obviously fe... (read in full...)

Whose last name do I give to my baby?

Q.   My mom thinks I should give the baby the fathers last name but I don't think I should because I'm not married to him and he isn't in the picture. Won't that be an issue at school for my son and wherever I take him, if we have different last nam...

A.   22 March 2017: A friend of mine had 4 children by 3 different men. Luckily she gave all of them her own surname, until she got married to the father of the last 2 children. The last two, because they were still very young, had their surnames changed to that of ... (read in full...)

I am considering contacting my train wreck of a dad!

Q.   Hi everyone, thoughts, insights and advice please! I'm swiftly approaching a landmark birthday, the sort where you might stop and consider your life to that point. Well, I've been doing that and am considering making contact with my father. I'...

A.   20 March 2017: The fact that you are wondering about this and asking the question on here indicates you WANT to see your dad. Given his problems, I would not have any expectations of him being too interested in your life. If you only want to meet up with him... (read in full...)

Am I being hidden from the ex and his kids?

Q.   Hello. I am hoping you are able to put my mind at rest really. I've been in a relationship with a guy for five months and it's all good. He lives about an hour away, and he has three kids who are another couple of hours away from him with his ex,...

A.   20 March 2017: I think he is being very sensible and putting the welfare of his children first - as any good parent should. I can also totally understand him not wanting to give his ex ammunition against him until things are settled with the divorce. This is... (read in full...)

He says he cares for me deeply ....

Q.   DeAr CuPiD I met this guy in Belize in January and coincidentally he lived not to far from me back home. After vacation was over we started hanging out back home and we've been having the most incredible time together. We both just got out of ...

A.   20 March 2017: Well, I personally would take that as a GOOD sign, but it really depends on the guy. You need to probe a little bit to see what HE means by it. I would take it to mean he sees you as MORE than a friend but is perhaps unsure of how YOU see your... (read in full...)

His girlfriend is coming between my old friend and me!

Q.   I've been best friends with a guy from grade school, and we were so close and I love him like a brother. We don't see each other very much anymore since I went to college, but we always kept in regular contact via text and Facebook. He has a ...

A.   19 March 2017: Assuming this guy is an adult of sound mind, he has control over what he does and who he speaks to. He has chosen to drop you as a friend to appease his girlfriend. It is HIS choice and you need to respect that. You cannot force someone to be your ... (read in full...)

Should I make a move on my crush?

Q.   does anyone have any experience with those kinds of guys who are really clever, not very masculine and all their friends are girls but they're still straight, and the signs that they like you, because I'm really into a guy like that and I feel like ...

A.   19 March 2017: Before you decide whether you would like to be in a relationship with this guy, ask yourself how comfortable you will be with his many girl friends. Are you secure enough in yourself to be relaxed about him having all these female friends? If not, ... (read in full...)

Is he scamming me?

Q.   Hi and thank you for your advice I met a male online approximately two months ago. He is very charming. We've talked daily. He tells me his wife died in an accident and he doesn't communicate with his family and he has one son who stays wit...

A.   18 March 2017: YES! YES! YES! Photographs of a random man in uniform are no proof of who he is. In any case, if he is "special ops", he should not be sending out photographs of himself in uniform. This man is SO scamming you. If you have nothing better to do, h... (read in full...)

What needs to change to improve this family situation? It has caused tension between my husband and I.

Q.   Dear Aunts please help me to solve this problem. I've been married for 3 years. My husband is a wonderful,kind,generous man. He is the youngest in his family with 3 elder sisters and 2 brothers. I always had a feeling that his eldest sister do...

A.   17 March 2017: You have to understand that men and women treat complaining very differently. Women (as in your case here) often just want to get things off their chest and get moral support. Men, on the other hand, have been raised to fix things and, if a woman ... (read in full...)

I love her but I am nervous about the pressure to marry her so soon after the start of our LDR relationship. How should I respond to this pressure?

Q.   Dear all i've been with my girlfriend since June last year and we've not had any problems. I've had 3 girlfriends before her but nothing has even come close to this. I know that she is the right one for me. She is probably the only person...

A.   17 March 2017: I think what your friends and family think should be the LEAST of your worries. THEY are not the ones who would be getting married. Also getting a visa easier is not really a good reason to marry. If your gut feeling is that this is too soon... (read in full...)

I think having sex with another girl will get these crazy depressing thoughts out of my head!

Q.   well, im in a relationship for about a year with this girl and we both love each other a lot. While she is my first gf, im not her  first bf, she had one before me who she really loved as well (i know this because a knew her back then) it was a long ...

A.   16 March 2017: I don't think you need to worry about breaking up with her because, keep going like this, making her feel guilty about something she cannot change, and she will be doing the breaking up if she has any sense of self-worth and preservation. What ... (read in full...)

He won't let go of me!

Q.   I've been in an emotionally draining relationship for the past 2 years. I say 'emotionally draining' because whenever we did fight, I always left my ego aside and went back to apologize, sometimes when I wasn't even in the wrong!! Just because I was ...

A.   15 March 2017: You have done the hardest thing: telling him you no longer want to be with him. Now you have to stick to what you have decided and not be bullied into taking him back. And stop giving him access to your accounts. If he asks for the password... (read in full...)

Do I quit my job? I feel my coworker doesn't like me, and some of the behaviour at work feels like bullying to me.

Q.   I work for a warehouse factory that distrubutes sporting things such as football tops and trophies etc. I'm being bullied at work from my boss and the assistant of the boss and they can't seem to leave me alone for five minutes. everytime I go into ...

A.   15 March 2017: This bin emptying thing has obviously become a big deal for you for some reason, judging by how you keep going back to it. Why not just make that your first duty of the day and do it as soon as you come in, without anyone asking or telling you to do ... (read in full...)

Why is he hiding these pictures from me?

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 years. We go to different colleges about 2 hours apart so the majority of our relationship has been distance, but we still see each other pretty frequently. He is an amazing guy and has proved to be ...

A.   14 March 2017: Did he actually "hide" them or did he just limit them to the people who were in them? There is a big difference. Some people (myself included) do not see the point in sharing photographs with the world. If he hid them from YOU, then I would gu... (read in full...)

Why can't she see he is not a good person? Do I just leave her to get on with things? Since she is not listening

Q.   Hello. My good close friend who is 27 has had a rough few years. Her Mother passed away, the Father of her 2 kids left her (he still regularly sees the children) She has begun having a relationship (now 10 months and I have met him once) with someo...

A.   13 March 2017: Your friend is an adult. If she refuses to see what a mess this guy is, then there is nothing you can do for her. Hard as it is - and it must be incredibly hard - you need to step back and let her ruin her own life. My concern would be her kids... (read in full...)

His behaviour has broken my trust in people

Q.   Hello everyone. I hope you're doing well this Sunday. I was recently in a 3 year relationship. This whole time I thought I had a sweet, brutally honest, loyal, friend, lover, team mate. Everything came crashing down. Turned out he was not loyal or...

A.   12 March 2017: This says a lot more about him than it does about you. For someone to break up in this way with someone they have been with for 3 years and with whom they have planned a future together is just cowardly and immature. If things were not working ... (read in full...)

Spectre of my wife's past has come back to haunt us

Q.   2-3 weeks before I met my wife she did a professional porn video in which she says she was actually coming from another man's house where she had had sex with him. Along with that she revealed other things that she never told me and that she has ...

A.   12 March 2017: Show me a person who has never done anything they regretted and I will show you either someone with no conscience or someone who has done NOTHING. we've all done sh*t we're not proud of and, if we could turn back the clock, we would choose NOT to ... (read in full...)

I feel so confused, wanting my stepfather to be happy, and not lonely. But is also reminds that my mother died. How can I adjust to this change?

Q.   Hi everyone, my mum passed away almost 3 years go. She was taken from us very very quickly with cancer. We had under 12 hours notice that she had terminal cancer before she died. It has been a very hard few years since, dealing with the grief o...

A.   12 March 2017: I am so sorry you are still missing your mum so much. Losing her so suddenly must have come as an awful shock and life can never be quite the same again. I lost my mum 17 years ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. We never "get over" our ... (read in full...)

How should we respond? My husband's ex has threatened to abandon the children on our doorstep, if we don't agree to take them at a time convenient for her.

Q.   We could do with some help solving a problem please. My husband has recently been made redundant(with one week pay) and was offered an opportunity to go on a course to improve his skills and at the end, secure a new job which he was so excited a...

A.   12 March 2017: You should absolutely NOT back down. Your husband needs to go on this course and you need the money from his new job. Does the ex have a car? Can she lend it you while she is away on holiday and not needing it? (Either you or your husband ... (read in full...)

Husband found out about my promiscuous teen years

Q.   I've been married 3 years and my husband and I have a great relationship based on trust on we don't keep secrets. I was recently contacted on Facebook by Erica, a high school friend. When we were in school, we were promiscuous. We did girl on g...

A.   12 March 2017: While technically what you did before you met our husband should not be relevant to your relationship, your husband has found out about it (why was he checking your Facebook?)and feels like you have kept stuff from him. Now that he knows about it, ... (read in full...)

We still like each other but I don't know how to make a move

Q.   I fell for a guy at a walking group a few years ago. There was a mutual attraction but people in the walking group did everything they could to make sure we did not date. At the time I thought these people were friends and were trying to protect me. ...

A.   12 March 2017: And here you are, still relying on what "friends" are telling you. Sigh. Make up your own mind about this situation. You are an adult so next time you bump into this man give him a big friendly smile, tell him it's nice to see him and say some... (read in full...)

What is wrong with my boyfriend? our conversations on the phone lapse into silence

Q.   I'm so frustrated! What is wrong with my boyfriend? He likes to be on the phone with me but has nothing to say. It will literally be silent for half an hour and it annoys me so much to hold the phone and listen to dead air like that. When I t...

A.   12 March 2017: Perhaps by the time he phones you he is really tired and his brain just wants to switch off? Can you try having your phone call a bit earlier in the evening to see if it makes any difference? Half an hour phone call every night does seem quite ex... (read in full...)

Am I being paranoid, or is he following me?

Q.   I befriended a guy twice my age (already a bad idea, I know) and knew he liked me. But I was honest and told him I didn't see him that way. We were friends and workout buddies. But after a while, I realized he was very immature and kinda creepy. I ...

A.   12 March 2017: Given that he goes to the same gym, it is only to be expected he will sometimes be near you. He works from home but perhaps 4ish is the most convenient time for him to go to the gym (he could have commitments you know nothing about). Are you sure ... (read in full...)

Am I expecting too much of my wife? I desire to make love to my wife, but she says it stresses her out when I initiate

Q.   I have been married for over 21 years. The last three years have been quite challenging as my wife, who is 3 year older than me, is going through menopause and hormonal changes. I am empathetic and offer my support and encouragement as she goes thr...

A.   12 March 2017: I know you say you are trying to understand but you clearly do NOT understand what your wife is going through. Trust me, menopause is no walk in the park. It can be HELL for some women. Not only do they have to come to terms with losing their ... (read in full...)

How can I approach my Mum, to talk to her and to share with her the grief of losing my twin brother?

Q.   My twin brother had learning disabilities, but i loved him regardless. We were always together and i never excluded him from anything.He died last year after a fit from which he just never recovered. Worst day of my life because i was holding ...

A.   12 March 2017: Oh sweetheart. Sending lots of HUGS. I can only imagine how dreadful this is for you. Someone your age should not have to go through the pain of losing a sibling. Your mum will be hurting every bit as much as you. After all, she gave birth to... (read in full...)

The guy is turning into an alcoholic. Should I keep it to myself that I'm pregnant, and raise the baby without him?

Q.   I don't know what I want to do at this point. I think I may be pregnant with the guy I'm currently seeing. I feel like he's going on a downward spiral at the moment. He had a weekend out with the boys and he got really drunk and now he is gettin...

A.   12 March 2017: Are you blowing things up out of all proportion because of his family history? I mean, a couple of week-ends getting bladdered with his mates does not make him an alcoholic. Most young men have done that at some point and got over it. Is there more ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school?

Q.   Is it wrong for for teenage son to just wear boxers around the house after school? This started happening a few months back and while it is not the end of the world it just seems out of the norm. He will change if we have visitors other then fami...

A.   11 March 2017: What is "normal"? If you are comfortable with him being so relaxed in his own home and nobody else is made to feel uncomfortable, then I fail to see a problem. He is a teenager so pushing the boundaries and discovering what he likes. It is good that ... (read in full...)

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