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*oucannotbeserious

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I'm separated and my friend of years is making subtle moves on me. What do I do?

Q.   im falling out of love with my husband do to his emotional and verbal abuse.Been married for 15 years but together for 25 there is no intimacy for the last year or so.Occassional hug here or there .However he is great with our daughter relationship ...

A.   23 January 2019: Sweetheart, after so many years, your husband knows all too well what buttons to press to make you feel like shit, and that is exactly what he is doing. My response to such an idiotic comment would have been something along the lines of "Well, that ... (read in full...)

I need my boyfriend to want me!

Q.   i recently met this guy and i feel good about things. He is well hot and seems v nice. The trouble is he is a bit backwards at coming forward. My last B/f was like a mad stud in and out the bedroomanad we would just do stuff were and when ever. Th...

A.   23 January 2019: Blimey girl, give the poor guy a chance! You have only recently met. The relationship is new. You suspect he may be a virgin. What is more important to you: this relationship or an immediate rampant sex life? If the latter, then let this poor guy go ... (read in full...)

Should I let her go unless she takes the initiative?

Q.   I have been in a relationship for many years. We do not live together because we both agreed we would wait until each of our children are grown before we combine our households. There have been "ups and downs" over the years, but never anything ...

A.   22 January 2019: If you keep chasing, she will keep running. In your shoes I would stop chasing and see what happens. If she doesn't make any effort to sort things, then her heart truly isn't in this relationship. Are you strong enough to back off and wait so you ... (read in full...)

I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!

Q.   If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...

A.   22 January 2019: I think this sort of thing is very subjective. As with anything said/written, it often depends greatly on who sends it and who receives it. Personally (and I am older than you) I would see it as a cute compliment, nothing more. He's probably... (read in full...)

Ended relationship, but already having doubts

Q.   Last week I ended my relationship with my girlfriend of 6 years. I hadn’t felt the same about her for some time, and for the last few months didn’t try to conceal the fact. I felt that I was clinging more to the situation we found ourselves in rat...

A.   21 January 2019: You are in your late 30s, possibly 40. You cannot blame your parents for what happens in your life forever. Get a grip and start taking responsibility for yourself. We are all different and we are not our parents. It takes two to make a relation... (read in full...)

Should a man break up with a woman over not getting enough sex?

Q.   Been in a relationship for two years, am 63, she is 58, I work one job she has one full time job an a part time job. I pretty much live with her, own my own house to.what's up is maybe sex once every two months, she always got an excuse.she just ...

A.   21 January 2019: So, when she wants to cuddle, do YOU accommodate HER happily, or do you sigh and do it with bad grace, or maybe even not at all? Or make snide comments? Her reluctance to have sex with you could be down to many reasons. She could just be exhauste... (read in full...)

My husband of 12 years is so secretive and refuses to talk to me just gives me the silent treatment

Q.   I am in my late 50's and have been married for second time for 12 years. I have grown up children from my first marriage. My husband is 60 and from the beginning he has been so secretive. He never shows any interest in my life and health and never ...

A.   20 January 2019: Would being physically alone be worse than being emotionally alone, as you are now? What are you getting from this marriage, apart from grief? Firstly, if he is spending money from your JOINT account without your knowledge or express agreemen... (read in full...)

My partner is unhappy with his job and I don't know how to help him

Q.   My partner has been feeling unhappy with his position at work. He feels it is beneath his skill set. He’s been looking for something different but hasn’t found anything in town that turns his crank yet. His boss can see he works hard and will ...

A.   20 January 2019: Sweetheart, commendable as your concern and support are, you have to stop over-reacting to his unhappiness. Nobody is happy ALL the time. This is life. Shit happens. We have to learn to deal with it. He is an adult, not a child. His happiness is HIS ... (read in full...)

Should I ask my married lover for baby?

Q.   So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...

A.   20 January 2019: Wow! Are you really still that naive at 34 or is the urge to have a baby clouding your judgement completely? This whole post is screwed up. You are both taking risks with contraception yet he "freaked out" when you thought you were pregnant... (read in full...)

My partner's behaviour towards me has been very questionable ever since he lost his job. What's going on here?

Q.   This is a little uncomfortable to write, I'm not sure if I'm the problem or not. I've been in a relationship for 2 years and up until about 8 months ago it was really care free, relaxed, and just a joy really. Now, however, it's... I don't ...

A.   19 January 2019: NO, you are NOT being over-sensitive. You DO have a problem here. Don't let him gaslight you into believing YOU are the one at fault when he is very obviously controlling you and ABUSING you. I suspect your partner's self confidence took a knock-... (read in full...)

Can we get married in a church if neither of us are religious?

Q.   My fiancee and I would like to get married in a church, however neither of us are religious. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Neither of our families are religious either. We have come across many churches locally and while ...

A.   18 January 2019: Depending on the religion, most clergy will want to interview you and your future husband, ask if you attend Sunday services, ask whether you intend to raise your children in their faith. It is not just a case of turning up, getting married and ... (read in full...)

My boss is not letting me move on from our affair

Q.   I posted about a month/two back about having had an affair with boss and having ended it. He wanted to stay super secret best friends. But I’ve done a great job of only being professional with him and not interacting unless absolutely neces...

A.   17 January 2019: Have to agree with the others and say you need to concentrate your efforts on finding another job rather than on what happened. This is a good time to be searching as many people, if they are going to give up their job, hold on till after Christmas ... (read in full...)

I see his ex as a threat. Am I being silly or do I have reason to worry?

Q.   I am probably being silly but my partner was married a few years ago and been divorced over ten years. He has told me that how he feels about me is far deeper than his ex wife, he said he was very unhappy with her and he looks back and knows it was ...

A.   17 January 2019: Just because they were not right for each other as husband and wife does not mean they cannot remain civil and even be friends. That is what most adults try to do. SHE is not your problem or your enemy; your THOUGHTS are. Perhaps it might be... (read in full...)

I can't climax and I'm worried he will leave me because of it

Q.   Hi, I am in need of some advice. I have been dating a really nice man for over a month. We have been intimate with him a few times. It was an amazing experience even though, I did not climax. He seemed really worried about it. Would tell me when I ...

A.   15 January 2019: Wow, no pressure then! I don't know about you, but being EXPECTED to climax would be a definite TURN-OFF for me. Does your man realize that most women don't climax via penetration alone but need additional stimulation? Does he ensure you are turn... (read in full...)

I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?

Q.   My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...

A.   15 January 2019: If you honestly want to help this lady, the only way I can see which would not upset the apple cart is to speak with HER, not her father. You need to tread carefully though as what you heard MAY be true, but it may be ill informed or malicious. ... (read in full...)

I'm separated and my friend of years is making subtle moves on me. What do I do?

Q.   im falling out of love with my husband do to his emotional and verbal abuse.Been married for 15 years but together for 25 there is no intimacy for the last year or so.Occassional hug here or there .However he is great with our daughter relationship ...

A.   15 January 2019: P.S. As you and our daughter sound close, why not discuss it with her when the time is right. She sounds like she just wants you to be happy so, hopefully, she will make a good sounding board. ... (read in full...)

I'm separated and my friend of years is making subtle moves on me. What do I do?

Q.   im falling out of love with my husband do to his emotional and verbal abuse.Been married for 15 years but together for 25 there is no intimacy for the last year or so.Occassional hug here or there .However he is great with our daughter relationship ...

A.   15 January 2019: Your first priority needs to be to split properly from your husband. You need to have a chat with him and see what you can do to help him move out. Despite your relationship effectively being over, he sounds reluctant/too lazy to move out. Offer to ... (read in full...)

What would my deceased boyfriend's family think of me moving on with his cousin?

Q.   My sons father passed away almost two years ago and I’ve been single since then haven’t even Pursue anyone since. Recently his cousin that I’ve never met started coming around a lot lately and once we started communicating we started to like each ...

A.   15 January 2019: Do the family live close by? Will they immediately know if you start dating the cousin? If not, then I would wait to find out if the relationship has any viability. You have not even started dating yet if I understand your post correctly so, ... (read in full...)

We aren’t in a relationship yet, but I’m concerned about his sister-in-law!

Q.   We are not yet really in relationship yet, we are getting close there. His brother family is living with him. Recently he told me that he feels like his brother’s wife likes him, she kept trying to be close to him. Few time she tried to hug him from ...

A.   15 January 2019: NO, NO, NO and NO again. You do NOT want someone like that for a partner. If he cannot be loyal to his own brother, he is not going to be loyal to you. He did not "fall into the SIL's trap". She did not handcuff him and force him to do anything. He ... (read in full...)

Is she The One?

Q.   Okies, I really need your help with this one. I want to make this the year I sort this out. So, I have known my female friend for 10+ years and I liked her from early on. We have lived together even shared the same bed (platonically) a...

A.   15 January 2019: Your description has PLAN B screaming all over it! Sorry, but she is keeping you on a back burner for such times as she cannot do better. She knows you are hung up on her and she plays you because you stroke her ego and, in all probability, are ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's 12 year old doesn't like me and boyfriend will not step in and do anything

Q.   Hi I’m in a bit of a dilemma and seriously need some advice. I’ve been with my bf now for 7 months. We both love each other And have spoken frequently about marriage and living together. However here is my problem. I have met and get on ver...

A.   13 January 2019: My partner's daughter was very similar when I first got together with him. An only child, she was not at all happy that her father might give someone else attention. She was moody, sullen, rude, everything I would EXPECT a child to be who is feeling ... (read in full...)

My abusive ex occupies too much space in my head and I can't move on

Q.   Hello. I ended an emotionally abusive relationship in October. He still occupies so much space in my head. I hate it. I don't know why I miss this immature person. He would mock me during arguments and smoke a lot of pot to numb himself. I know I ...

A.   13 January 2019: You haven't moved on as quickly as your ex because the relationship meant a lot more to you than it did to him. You are not as shallow or selfish as he is. We all move on at our own pace. There is no normal/average time to get over someone. Somet... (read in full...)

I have fallen for my boyfriend's cousin and don't know what to do

Q.   I was in a weird relationship with this boy , I’m 20 now he’s 24 I met him when I was 17 but it was really just a hi and bye thing he was dating my cousin at the time and they were sweet hearts . Me and him got involved when I was 18 and my cousi...

A.   13 January 2019: Being in a relationship is never going to stop you feeling attracted towards other people. However, how you choose to handle that attraction defines who you are morally. If this boyfriend is not right for you, then finish the relation... (read in full...)

How to impress a woman on a Speed Dating event

Q.   This question is mainly for men but the ladies can chime in as well. If you meet a woman for the first time and have only 5 minutes to talk what will you ask or say to her that would leave an impression on her? I am asking this because I go ...

A.   13 January 2019: Thank you for giving me permission to "chime in". You see how you got my back up straight away? You didn't even need 5 minutes! Already I am forming an opinion on why you need advice! I am saying all that tongue in cheek of course, but please take ... (read in full...)

How can I discipline myself so I can learn how to drive?

Q.   Hello aunts and uncles, Do you have any advice on how could I discipline myself and do what I do not want to do, but have to - learn to drive? I'm 41 and had deluded myself so far that I may somehow avoid having to get a licence. I'm otherwi...

A.   12 January 2019: I wonder what it is about driving which terrifies you so much? There are far more drivers in the world than people with degrees. I have seen people with driving licences who I have wondered at how they manage to tie their own shoe laces. If you ... (read in full...)

I'm tired of being the bigger person every time we argue

Q.   Dear cupid, I've been wirth my boyfriend for about 2 yrs now, we live together and are very committed to each other and growing our life together. 2 nights ago we were watching a movie and there were preganant women and kids it. I'm in my early 30s ...

A.   12 January 2019: I have to ask, why ARE you trying to get him to talk about having a child if you HAVE agreed to wait 2 years before discussing it further? Is this the only time you have done this or do you make a habit of it? I do have to wonder what HIS side of ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's 12 year old doesn't like me and boyfriend will not step in and do anything

Q.   Hi I’m in a bit of a dilemma and seriously need some advice. I’ve been with my bf now for 7 months. We both love each other And have spoken frequently about marriage and living together. However here is my problem. I have met and get on ver...

A.   12 January 2019: Op, my response is going to sound harsh but please read to the end. I have been where you are so I do understand how difficult it is. I usually read posts and try to guess the age of the person posting, then check and see if I was right. I got it... (read in full...)

My partner makes it out like I am thick and always wrong

Q.   Hi I’m in a relationship now for 6 years but he is so annoying at times he makes out as though I am thick and I know nothing about anything im always wrong in everything I do from tidying the house up after his mess to looking after our son I work 2 ...

A.   10 January 2019: In your shoes I would turn round, look him in the face and say, very firmly and slowly, "Do NOT speak to me like that. Who the hell do you think you are?" So he thinks he is clever because he can do maths whereas it is not one of your strength... (read in full...)

My FWB hookup told me he had decided to date me until he found out I had sex with someone else

Q.   Since December 21 I've been intimate with someone. He knew I liked someone else but me being conflicted didn't know if I'd act on it or not. After our second sexual encounter I asked him if he wanted to date me he declined saying he just wanted to ...

A.   10 January 2019: Yes, all the space in the world. You know the saying, "you snooze, you lose"? Well, here is a prime example. I very much doubt he had really decided to date you. He is just saying that because his nose has been put out of joint because - shock, h... (read in full...)

My boyfriend won’t stop lying to me

Q.   Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months. He just turned 19 and he goes to college 5 hours away. This isn’t a problem we started dating Way before he started college and he didn’t plan on picking a school that far away but we make it ...

A.   9 January 2019: Sweetheart, what are you getting from this relationship? You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Why are you wasting it on someone who shows you so little respect and treats you like an idiot, then turns it around to make it look like ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?

Q.   I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...

A.   9 January 2019: Have you actually told him, when you are not in the middle of having sex, so that his brain is not being deprived of blood-flow, that you definitely do NOT want to do anal? If not, then you need to. How does he treat you out of the bedroom?... (read in full...)

Boyfriend says he doesn't have time to be with me when I am sad or upset

Q.   My boyfriend of 10 months has been staying away from me for a few weeks now after we had this fight. It was over the matter regarding my promotion and i was talking to him about it and got carried away talking about the promotion related other stuff ...

A.   9 January 2019: The more I read of your post, the more sympathy I felt for your boyfriend. Sweetheart, you cannot say nasty hurtful things to someone and just expect them to act like nothing happened. You can do or say ANYTHING you want, but there is always a... (read in full...)

None of my friendships ever work out!

Q.   Feeling pained! Because I realize that none of my friendships are working out. I feel that people don't have any real respect for me and that I must be doing something so horribly wrong to keep ending up in the same position time after time. I cr...

A.   8 January 2019: Google "Friend for a reason, friend for a season, friend for life". It will give you some perspective on the fluidity of friendship and how, for the most part, friends are transient and only in our lives for a set period. Obviously we have no ... (read in full...)

How can I deal with my coworker's crazy girlfriend?

Q.   First off, I know I probably can't do much if anything about this, but I thought I would ask for advice anyway. Background: Recently I organized a secret gift swap for the holidays at my new job. I got my assistant manager, who is around the sa...

A.   8 January 2019: Totally agree. Block her immediately. If she mentions it, say you don't like to mix work and private life. Be polite when you meet her but always be in a hurry to get somewhere else so you don't get stuck with her. ... (read in full...)

Was I in the wrong to tell her to let my boss know? Is ending our friendship justified?

Q.   So My husband works in the oil field industry and we live 12 hours away from home. We are alone in the state we are in, and have no family close by. In 2017, My husband befriended his coworker and wanted me to meet his coworkers wife so I could have ...

A.   7 January 2019: If she had any true loyalty to you as a friend, she would have kept you out of this and just done her own thing. That way she would not have compromised your position at work. Telling you about it up front and expecting you to keep quiet was totally ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend sexted a guy she knew from a dating site: Is it cheating?

Q.   My girlfriend of 7 months who is 8yrs older than me have split up because I caught her Whatsapping a guy who she met on a dating website (where we met each other) recently and what turned from friendly chat, became sexting. It turns out she ha...

A.   6 January 2019: Wow, you had already had "rocky patches" in a relationship which lasted only 7 months? Walk away. You are wrong for each other. You WERE wrong snooping on her, regardless of how you try to justify this. Unless you get a grip on that side of your ... (read in full...)

Social and dating housekeeping - how to get things your way without being "intense".

Q.   I'm very triggered by people who unreliable, flakey, put you on the bench, in social and romantic situations. Say for instance people who keep their options open but keep you hanging. What is a chill way to call attention directly to the ...

A.   5 January 2019: You can't control what people do or say, or how they act towards you. Your strength lies in how you react to what is said or done. You can do anything you want in life but you must always remember that everything you do (or don't do, in some cas... (read in full...)

How do I deal with this overwhelming friend?

Q.   Hello there, I have this male friend in class. He liked me from the very beginning. Sweet guy but tries too hard to impress, is shallow in his approach to falling in love (may be due to lack of experience). I know for a fact he's smitten from att...

A.   5 January 2019: Wow! Absolutely DON'T let him meet your family or know where you live. It is not really fair to keep him as a "friend" when you two have such obviously different agendas for your relationship. You see him as a friend, he sees you as a potentia... (read in full...)

The man I have a baby with won't commit to me.

Q.   I’ve been with my daughters dad going on 7 years. We have talked about getting married but he’s never proposed or really made that step to commit. We live together and he provides for me and my daughter but when it comes to talking about getting ...

A.   5 January 2019: I think it is your developing relationship with your old flame which is driving you away from your boyfriend, just as much, if not more so than his reluctance to commit to you. I think putting having more babies on hold for the time being is... (read in full...)

My husband and his friend have a strange relationship. Is this a cultural thing or bisexual thing?

Q.   Hello I have been with my husband for two years. He is good to me and treats me well. We have culture differences and maybe that's what I am trying to understand. He has alot of friends but one is very close to him. If his Male friend joke...

A.   5 January 2019: What is your gut instinct telling you on this one? As you have taken the time and trouble to write in, you are quite obviously uncomfortable with this "relationship" between your husband and his "friend". Does your husband work or are you supp... (read in full...)

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