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*oucannotbeserious

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I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?

Q.   I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...

A.   17 July 2018: Do you seriously not understand what went wrong? You were in a relationship with this guy for a matter of weeks before getting pregnant. You already knew he was not good long-term partner material as he cannot hold down a job for any length o... (read in full...)

Why did my married ex boyfriend snap just like that? I desperately want him back in my life!

Q.   I met a guy at work 9 years ago. We flirted and had fun but he was married. We worked together and once we kissed in his office and ended up having sex. I have never done anything like this before. I was madly in love with him from this first kiss. ...

A.   17 July 2018: It's sad that someone who is as intelligent as you obviously are has such low self esteem that she thinks she is worth nothing better than to be a man's "bit on the side". You may have an intellectual connection, even a spiritual one, but he is not ... (read in full...)

My in-laws are very interfering!

Q.   Hello, I’m looking for some advice me and my husband have 3 children 8, 6 and 7 months and his parents and grandparents are very interfering, we live 5 mins away from them both, they constantly come around unannounced, which is frustrating as we ...

A.   17 July 2018: You can't stop them behaving as they see fit. Your strength lies in how you react to it. Ignore the undesirable behaviour but reward desirable behaviour by being friendly. Walk away from behaviour which irritates you if you need to; they will soo... (read in full...)

I don’t know how to move on! Advice?

Q.   I still love him and can’t move on.? We broke up after almost 2 years because I tolerated his abusive behaviour, emotionally and verbally. I broke up because I couldn’t take the nasty words and he said he wished I died. A week later he texts me...

A.   17 July 2018: I suspect it is still early days for you. You need to give yourself time to move on. When you feel the urge to contact him, remind yourself how he made you FEEL when he was abusive. We forget what people said or did, but we never forget how they... (read in full...)

How do I move on and am I to blame?

Q.   I'm just in despair right now. I absolutely love this site and it's helped me in times of need for so long now, so here goes. I've recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. We lived together for two years in his family house (his famil...

A.   16 July 2018: While most people say you don't really know someone until you live with them, MY theory (based on my own relationships and observations of relationships of family members and friends) is that you don't really know someone until you SPLIT UP with ... (read in full...)

Everyone tells us moving in together after 2 months of dating is too soon!

Q.   What's the consensus for knowing when you're ready to move in with someone? My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a little over 2 months, but we see each other every day (we work at the same company), spend hours/weekends at a time togeth...

A.   16 July 2018: If only more people put as much thought into moving in together! You may only have been together a couple of months, but you seem to have already discussed subjects some couples don't touch on till much later in relationships. You both sound li... (read in full...)

Why doesn’t he answer his phone when he’s with me?

Q.   I have been dating a guy for 5 wks we have had a great 5 wks (I know it's only 5 wks) but one thing that bugs me is when we are together he won't answer his phone if a message comes through and often put it on silent. . Why is this ?? He says he ...

A.   15 July 2018: To the anonymous female who thinks we are advocating putting a partner before children: get off your high horse. This is NOT what we are saying - as you well know. This is a DATE. A couple of hours of "me" time for dad. If it was an emergenc... (read in full...)

Why doesn’t he answer his phone when he’s with me?

Q.   I have been dating a guy for 5 wks we have had a great 5 wks (I know it's only 5 wks) but one thing that bugs me is when we are together he won't answer his phone if a message comes through and often put it on silent. . Why is this ?? He says he ...

A.   15 July 2018: Poor man. Doing his best to show you respect but you see it as being secretive. I would be completely insulted if a date kept answering his phone, unless it was an emergency. Time you spend together should be YOUR time, not someone else's. He can ... (read in full...)

Shall I stop being a gentlemen and be a man?

Q.   Just wondering what you guys would think what’s on this girls mind. She is married with 2 kids. She is few years older than me, we work together. She is quiet person, well respected and often hates guys advancing. For example a friend of mine will ...

A.   15 July 2018: Perhaps you should ask her husband? And her children? ... (read in full...)

Advice on changing appearance and health please!

Q.   I really want to change myself , I don't mean drastically I just mean in terms of appearance and they way I am . I like my hair but ive always had the same hairstyle really and want ideas of what sort of hairstyle to get or how to just not overthink ...

A.   12 July 2018: If I could speak to my 18-21 year old self, one piece of advice I would give her (if she would listen) would be that, unless it is extreme, her weight and appearance, unless extreme, will not greatly affect her happiness. The next piece of advic... (read in full...)

I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!

Q.   So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...

A.   11 July 2018: I can only speak for myself and tell you - as I am sure others have, although I haven't actually read any of the other replies yet - that women tend to take a much more holistic view of relationships than just focusing on the sex. I had numerous ... (read in full...)

Is oral sex just this amazing?

Q.   I have been with my fiancee for 9 years I'm 31 she's 29. Last night she allowed me to go down on her for the first time. It was the first oral experience for both of us, by that I mean her receiving and me giving. My question is, is it normal for me ...

A.   9 July 2018: Why would giving your partner pleasure not be a huge turn-on for you? There are people who don't enjoy oral (giving and/or receiving) but you don't sound like one of them so relax and enjoy - and stop over-thinking. ... (read in full...)

Can someone my age fall in love with a guy?

Q.   I had prostate cancer and had my prostate removed making sex imposable now that I am single I am interested in men and women turn me off I am 68 can someone my age fall in love with a guy ...

A.   9 July 2018: I've read and re-read your question, and still I am not sure I understand what it is you are asking. As you saying that, before your operation, you were turned on by women, but having your prostate removed has turned you gay? Or is it that you... (read in full...)

Why do I have a strong gut feeling that there's something going on between my boyfriend and his ex?

Q.   During the first 2 years of being with my BF, he was still in touch with his ex stringing her along, not telling her that he was in a relationship with me. When I found out how he lied about not being in contact with her, I was very upset. Since ...

A.   8 July 2018: What I find saddest about your post is that a woman in her 30s has sunk to such a level as to secretly make photographs of herself and her boyfriend public on social media so that his ex can see them. Proving "ownership" in this way smacks of ... (read in full...)

I don't want to ruin my future with this guy by not making the right choice. What should I do?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year but we've known each other for three years as we met at university. He is starting a masters degree this year, whereas I've decided to go straight into employment. His masters is at a university over ...

A.   8 July 2018: I think this is one of those situations where you have pretty much equal risks whichever decision you make. If you decide to stay put and not move in with him, you will probably drift apart. As he does not want a long distance relation... (read in full...)

My ex treats his present girlfriend so much better than he ever treated me!

Q.   I dated a guy on and off for 3 years. I’m pretty sure he is a Narcissist by everything I’ve read and researched. I’m really trying to get over him and move on. I’m really hurt by how he is treating his new girlfriend. It’s seems like she is ...

A.   7 July 2018: I know how you feel, truly. I was in a similar position when I was in my 20s. I met I guy for whom I would have walked over hot coals. He treated me VERY badly, cheating on me all over the place and lying to me about the cheating. Eventually he left ... (read in full...)

I'm wasting the prime of my life. What should I do?

Q.   Hello all, I've been in a rut for 8 years now and can't shift it. I'm alive but not living I guess. I have no drive or ambition. I can't remember the last time I thought yes I really wanna do this. Problem is I don't know what I want nothing ...

A.   7 July 2018: Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Regardless of what has - or, in your case, HASN'T - happened in the past, you CAN change things moving forward. Stop focussing on the past; there is nothing you can do to change that. Instead, focus ... (read in full...)

He’s ignoring me all of a sudden! How do I react?

Q.   I’m 27 from UK and recently reconnected with my ex from 7 years ago who I broke up with. We had an amazing couple of days together rekindling and we’ve been very romantic since. Awkward part - he lives in America right now for work. He has men...

A.   7 July 2018: I am always dubious about rekindling relationships with ex partners. With very few exceptions, they are in the past for good reason. Usually we simply replay past hurts and remember exactly WHY they were in the past. To me it's like saying "Well, I ... (read in full...)

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and questioning my relationship with my partner because I just found out that he's slept with numerous prostitutes before we met.

Q.   Hello. I am 8 weeks pregnant , was so happy with everything and looking forward to the future but now I’m seriously re thinking the whole thing. I have been with my partner a while and we were just discussing the blood tests I am getting for...

A.   5 July 2018: How does he treat YOU? I ask because I am going to buck the trend here and say, I do not think someone who uses prostitutes is necessarily a bad person. A lonely person? Probably. A weak person? Maybe. An ill informed person? Quite p... (read in full...)

How do I bring up the question of my salary?

Q.   Hi Aunts, My question is work related. I'm wondering if anyone here with a HR background or has had a similar experience can give me their insight. About 4 months back I joined a new company. I was fresh out of an internship and was quite naiv...

A.   4 July 2018: I would see how your appraisal goes and, assuming all is good, broach the subject there. Say something like "I accepted a low starting salary as proving my worth to you was higher up my priority list than a high wage. Now that I have demonstr... (read in full...)

I feel stuck because of his lodger! What do I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I in early 60s, have been together 5 years, but nothing is moving on because he has a female lodger in her 40s been there 25 years! Pays little rent, no household bills and keeps dogs. She wont move out, we gave her 6 months notice, ...

A.   3 July 2018: This woman sounds like someone who has learned to live off others (or one other, in this case), a bit of a parasite. Yes, she probably COULD get a full time job and support herself but why should she when she has your boyfriend to support her in the ... (read in full...)

I need help in letting him go!

Q.   We met online, he is kind, sweet, committed and just a good soul. I wasnt awfully attracted to him physically but he is the kindest man on this planet so I decided to meet him anyway. I was still not attracted to him but felt because he is such a ...

A.   3 July 2018: We all have preferences about looks. Sometimes we can pick partners who look nothing like our "ideal" and still find them attractive through getting to know them and their personalities winning us over. You hoped that would happen in this case but ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is nasty when we argue. Does he not care?

Q.   My boyfriend is loving and caring but when we argue he likes to name call, being nasty and defensive, as if trying to hurt me back for upsetting him (however unintentionally). I KNOW this is not the ideal conflict resolution scenario. I'm just ...

A.   3 July 2018: His nastiness when he is angry obviously doesn't sit well with you, otherwise you would not be asking for advice. Trust your gut instinct. This is NOT ok. Others will only treat us the way we ALLOW them to treat us. You ALLOW him to be nasty an... (read in full...)

It’s been 6 months, how long does it take before the hurt stops?

Q.   I met this guy in school and we were together for 6 years . I am 24 now and working . We were pretty much immature then learnt by passage of time. We had all ups and down in the relationship. Since we are indians we stayed in limits with regard to ...

A.   1 July 2018: Given that you started your relationship when you were both very young, the parting of ways was pretty much inevitable. You grew up together and, not unusually, wanted very different things. It is only to be expected that you will miss him. Ass... (read in full...)

People have called me quirky and individual but have also called me weird!

Q.   I really struggle when speaking and getting to know people nearly every time I meet someone they call me weird and I know they don't mean this offensively as I ask them , yet I take it as a bad thing . a lot of people have said I am really funny , ...

A.   1 July 2018: The term "weird" can have positive or negative connotations, depending on how it is said and meant. Perhaps you need to embrace your personality and CHOOSE to take this in a good way? Many people are awkward when meeting new people. You are in n... (read in full...)

Should I volunteer for the first time for three months in another country?

Q.   ive never known what I want to do career wise and ive never really had any ambitions or hobbies as such . I often get slightly worried that in a few years I don't know what ill be doing and I don't know if ill have a job . ive been wanting to ...

A.   1 July 2018: YES! YES! YES! Do it! It is a wonderful opportunity to see somewhere different in the world, learn about a different culture and help others less fortunate than you. It will also boost your confidence and give you something very impressive to put on ... (read in full...)

I don’t have to get married but I still want a ring!

Q.   I am hurt, Insulted and don't know what to do. My bf and i are together already for 3 years. Everything smooth and find. But there's one thing im asking him to do for me. A partnership ring. Yes ' not wedding ring but a partnership ring. He ...

A.   1 July 2018: I have read many times that someone who has experienced a happy marriage and then loses their husband/wife is far more likely to want to share the same experience with someone else than is someone who had a bad experience. This, I suspect, is the ... (read in full...)

What if they award the golf match to him?

Q.   It never ceases to amaze me how rude and arrogant some people can be... I have to play a match in a golf tournament.The match has to be played by July 29th (4 weeks time). I had agreed to play it on July 1st, but 2 days prior I had a personal s...

A.   1 July 2018: Seriously? You are so upset because someone might be awarded a golf match? Even though it's not really fair, it seems rather an extreme reaction - on BOTH your parts. In your shoes I would message your opponent and say that, if he is THAT des... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is depressed and anxious, what's going on?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. The first year was great but since then we've had alot of personal challenges. For the past 1.5 years my boyfriend has been struggling with anxiety and depression. He couldn't cope with work anymore and ...

A.   30 June 2018: Much as you love him - and I do believe you love him very much - you cannot "fix" him. He needs professional help to start healing and get back on track with his life. At the moment you are both living this "half life" because of his mental state. ... (read in full...)

Our relationship is disintegrating, and I don’t know what to do!

Q.   So basically me and my partner have been together for almost 3 years now. We live together. Recently there are more and more days where I am doubting our relationship. We have never had sex, we have done other things at the beginning of our ...

A.   30 June 2018: If nothing has changed in 3 years of your relationship, and nothing has changed for him in 10 years of a job he does not enjoy, then nothing IS going to change unless something drastic happens. Have you asked him why he doesn't want sex? Did he h... (read in full...)

Some colleagues at work are targeting me and I feel that they'll complain against me yet again and have me fired. How do I handle things?

Q.   Hello everyone, how do you deal with a petty, catty work environment? Honestly, I feel like I just need to vent to some helpful strangers with the comfort of knowing no one will ever find this. However, any advice will be appreciated. I am a yo...

A.   30 June 2018: Sending huge hugs. Being forced to work in such a hostile environment is draining. (Been there, done it.) As you work in a tough environment, where everyone is presumably stretched to their limits and many may fear they cannot stand the pace, I ... (read in full...)

How could my girlfriend move on from a 4 year relationship so quickly and already be with another man?

Q.   Two Weeks ago, my relationship of 4 years ended with my girlfriend. i have been devastated, things have not been good for a while, but i was willing to do whatever it took as i never saw myself being with anyone else. we have not been intimate in ...

A.   30 June 2018: There is a huge difference in where you both are in terms of moving on and healing. It sounds like she had drawn a line under your relationship a while ago (the arguments, the lack of intimacy). Actually leaving was just the final stage of endin... (read in full...)

I fear that he has grown controlling, though he says that I am too sensitive.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We are both 23 and met in our first year of university. I did not take uni seriously initially and ended up failing and being suspended for 2 years for it. I was struggling financially and relied on ...

A.   30 June 2018: DUMP HIM! DUMP HIM! DUMP HIM! I do not give that advice lightly but this sentence - "I never feel good enough and feel emotionally drained" - says all I need to read about your relationship. (The rest of your post made for very uncomfor... (read in full...)

To have sex or not ever have sex?

Q.   Mod note: combined posts Why are people hypocrites when it comes to sex? And by that I mean, I am a 26 year old virgin and my friends tell me to wait and how my virginity is such a great gift. They will tell me I am lucky to be virgin, that sex ...

A.   29 June 2018: Sorry, but I had to laugh at your friend's comment "when I have a boyfriend, he would never cheat on me because I gifted him with my virginity". You KNOW that is complete rubbish. He is no more or less likely to cheat on you. If he cheats, it is ... (read in full...)

How can I stop being awkward and boring?

Q.   How can I stop being awkward and boring? (and how can I tell whether or not I actually am boring) I am almost 28 and have never been in a relationship before. I have friends but I have known them for 5-15 years, depending. Basically, I hav...

A.   29 June 2018: With the exception of using it as an ice breaker, I find "small talk" boring and of little interest. This is probably why I tend to avoid gatherings like the ones you describe, because I have never felt comfortable at them and really have no ... (read in full...)

Am I being too harsh in blocking her completely out of my life?

Q.   I am currently going through a breakup. I already have a hard time making friends, for some odd reason (whcih I am in a way blessed) most of the few people in my circle are now also goiung through breakups, divorces, single, etc. so it helps me to ...

A.   29 June 2018: What do you get out of your friendship with her? Does she add anything to your life that you would miss if she was not around? If all you get from your relationship is stress and her stirring up trouble (and lying to cover her tracks and acting a... (read in full...)

Boyfriend left for a night of hard drugs and drinking and I haven't heard from him in 24 hours. Should I dump him?

Q.   Hi. My boyfriend went on a night out that resulted in me not hearing from him for over 24 hours. He said he had ended up drinking all night with some guy he met and tried to get cocaine too. While doing this he also decided to ignore my messages ...

A.   28 June 2018: Yes, stay . . . if this is all you think you are worth and if this is how you want to spend night after night, wondering where he is and what is doing. It's all about choice. It is HIS choice to go out drinking and taking drugs. It is YOUR cho... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't help with the new baby, is overpowering and dominant, and abusive when drunk. I've had enough of him!

Q.   Hi all, I am at a crossroad in my relationship/life. I had a beautiful baby month in January this year. He is my pride and joy. However I am now seeing a side of my fiancee that i hate (i know thats a strong word) I'm not sure I love him or want to ...

A.   28 June 2018: Being your son's father does not entitle him to abuse you or to expect you to care for the baby the whole time while he does nothing. He obviously CAN help as you say things improve after you have spoken to him about it, but then go back to ... (read in full...)

I'm at my wit's end about my boyfriend's constant complaints!

Q.   My boyfriend is a loving, faithful and caring person. We have been in a relationship for 6 months and dated for 6 months before that. We have good communication, friendship, chemistry and sexual compatibility. Everything is great except for his ...

A.   27 June 2018: In your shoes I would look more at your reactions than his actions. If this is a habit he has got into over the course of many years, then it will be hard to break completely. However, your reaction can help minimize the effect it has on you, which ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?

Q.   My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...

A.   27 June 2018: "Technically we never broke up"? Seriously? His text to you said "you have to decide what you want to do. But I know you won't choose me. You'll find happiness". That sounds pretty final to me. That sounds like a break-up, just without the "we're ... (read in full...)

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