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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Feel like I'm wasting my life but my reasons for wanting to leave seem petty
Q. I have being in my current relationship for the past 8 years and at the moment I am questioning whether it is what I want for the long-term. I feel that after 8 years together, we should be living together or at least have a clear plan for the fut...
A. 18 August 2019: OP, you aren't being petty at all. 8 years is a very long time to go with no commitment. I don't know too many people that would be happy with a relationship as you have stated yours is. She doesn't want to commit and that's about all there is to ... (read in full...)
Wife is angry that I hugged a co-worker
Q. My wife is angry I hugged a female former co-worker/friend that I have known for 10 years. When we seen this old co worker I have not seen her in 2 years and she is over 20 years older than me. She has met my kids. When my mother passed she sent ...
A. 18 August 2019: Wow...your wife has some issues. I agree that there are probably more things going on then you realize and she's really unhappy about something. She's acting childish, manipulative, jealous and she's trying to be controlling. She sounds very ... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel this way that my son's friend's mother didn't acknowledge me?
Q. Hello People!!! Okay so my 6 year old son plays Pee wee football. Their is a friendly competition between him and his teammate A as I will call him. Basically A’s mom and my husband have communicated hear and their about the boys and how they can ...
A. 17 August 2019: I am a very petite woman but darling I am NEVER ignored. I have no problem letting my presence be known. What was wrong with walking up, sticking your hand out and saying "Hi I am (so and so's mom/wife)??? Just because someone shows poor ... (read in full...)
Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women .
Q. Do most men see short women as less attractive than tall women . I often see descriptions of ‘hot ‘ or attractive women include the word tall and cute or sweet women as shorter . Obviously individuals have individual preferences but in GENERAL is ...
A. 17 August 2019: I'm only 5 feet tall. I've never had any trouble with finding men but I'd give almost ANYTHING to be tall and leggy. It depends on the man I think. Some men like petite women, some like tall women. Most men just like women..period. Unless a woman is ... (read in full...)
My husband has completely changed after marriage and I feel exploited
Q. Hello and thanks! Me and my husband have been together almost 3 years. Before our marriage he was mind, sweet, loving. He seemed to be the most charming man I've ever met. He would look after me if I was sick, once I passed out from heat exhaus...
A. 16 August 2019: Honestly OP you sound like one of the women on the reality show 90 day fiance. The guy lives overseas, manages to reel the woman in and all he wants is a green card but because he sweet talk the woman she thinks he means it when he says he loves ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!
Q. Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...
A. 11 August 2019: Men do not understand AT ALL what it is like to be pregnant or all the changes that we go through and yes at times they can seem to be rather uncaring. I was very ill both of my pregnancies and it just seemed like any smell could trigger me and I'd ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my boyfriend's interactions with our mutual friend/coworker
Q. Part of me just wants to vent my feelings to people who don't know my situation, but also, I just don't know what to do. (Sorry, this will be long) The situation between my boyfriend and I has been up and down. Not like big arguments or any...
A. 10 August 2019: Honeypie and Wiseowl have given sage advice as always, so all I can really do is reiterate. I don't wish to hurt you OP but the meat and potatoes of the situation is that you are "Miss Right NOW" not Miss Right. Apparently he couldn't have who he ... (read in full...)
Why does my stepfather treat me better than my own mother?
Q. I don't know my biological dad and I have never been really close to my mother, she doesn't seem to care about me a lot. She does the basic parental obligations - feeding me, etc.- but she doesn't care much what's going on in my life and how I feel. ...
A. 8 August 2019: Its really hard to say why your mom is the way that she is. It could be so many things to be honest. Some people don't know how to show affection, feel uncomfortable showing it. It could be that or a million and one other reasons. My mom could never ... (read in full...)
Do I confide in my husband's sister that he's having an affair?
Q. My husband is having an affair. Do I confide in his sister? His sister is 10 years older and raised him. She knows him the best and I think it would bring me a lot of comfort. I don’t expect her to take my side as this is his family. I also normally ...
A. 7 August 2019: There is an old expression "Blood is thicker than water". This often rings true. Remember this woman helped raise him so its very likely she isn't going to want to hear what you say or even believe you. I'd leave her out of it because what can she ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend betrayed me in front of my family. Was I justified in dumping her?
Q. My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We have an age gap relationship. She’s 22 im 33. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful. For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it...
A. 6 August 2019: OP, you screwed up BIG time and I mean big time. You just let a wonderful woman slip right through your hands and I have a feeling that you are too immature and ignorant to realize what you have done. I feel sorry for you. All she did was love you, ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with 2 men and unable to choose
Q. I'm in love with two men and unable to choose. my long term boyfriend who I have been with for over a decade but I find im not physically attracted to him anymore and don't want sex with him but I do love him and his personality is like my soul ...
A. 6 August 2019: You love some qualities that each man shows and yet you won't drop either man for the other. Why is that? I'd wager a guess because neither man has all the qualities that you are looking for. I'd also guess that you don't want to be alone so you ... (read in full...)
We are uneasy with our son's choice of a wife that we know very little about
Q. My son works abroad and is engaged to his Brazilian girlfriend for a year. They were planning to get married next year. Now he has told us that they tend to marry next month in Brazil without us being there! Both myself and my husband feel ver...
A. 5 August 2019: Mom, you and dad need to talk to your son. You need to stand united and tell your son that you love him and want him to be happy but if he and his wife are going to move in with you that there HAS to be some ground rules. They are adults and must ... (read in full...)
We are uneasy with our son's choice of a wife that we know very little about
Q. My son works abroad and is engaged to his Brazilian girlfriend for a year. They were planning to get married next year. Now he has told us that they tend to marry next month in Brazil without us being there! Both myself and my husband feel ver...
A. 4 August 2019: I caution you to be very careful as to how you approach your son and what you say. I know that you want the best for your son and as parents we can often see things that our children do not see or have not experienced yet and although it can come ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend deleted his ex girlfriend's texts
Q. I've been living with my bf now for almost 2 years. Recently, his ex texted him again. I know because he told me that she did. I asked to read the texts a few days later, but was told that they had been deleted. I asked why he had deleted the...
A. 2 August 2019: OP you are going to make a problem where there isn't one. Your boyfriend was honest with you. He didn't have to be. If there was something suspicious going on he would not have told you about it. He deleted her texts ok..couldn't it just be because ... (read in full...)
My prince charming has turned into a frog
Q. Hello and thank you My husband was very charming, and loving before we got married. After our marriage things changed. It seems he doesn't like compromising and feels he can still act single. He talks to exes( no children involved) he goe...
A. 1 August 2019: I think I would let your "frog" hop hop hop away...and in the future be more careful of what frogs you kiss hoping they will turn into princes. This man is disrespectful and uses you and will continue to belittle you as long as you allow him to do ... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to a married man at work and need to rebuild the boundaries.
Q. A gentleman in my workplace has been increasingly attentive. He is a little older and happily married. I love having a strong work ally I respect him and his commitment to his family. I have found myself having thoughts about him. At points I wond...
A. 24 July 2019: OP, you are 100% correct. This situation is not one to pursue. Its NEVER wise to get involved with someone that you work with ESPECIALLY if they are married. You know all this and I'm sure you must realize the consequences if you were to pursue your ... (read in full...)
If I could see into the future and see that our marriage would be the same for the next 20 years, then that is not what I want for my life.
Q. Hi, I need help with something. I am a 23 year old Christian man, I have been married for two years and the last year has been sexless. My wife and I got married two years ago and initially I could tell that she was nervous about sexual intimacy (we ...
A. 18 July 2019: OP, I can certainly understand your concern/frustration/bewilderment. Its very hard to have a relationship when one partner doesn't want to talk or confide in the other. You are left wondering what is wrong, have you done something. The list goes on ... (read in full...)
A Male Coworker/Friend is Confiding in Me About His Marital Problems. How Should I Handle This?
Q. I've been at my current employer for two years. I enjoy what I do as a paralegal, but most importantly, I've collaborated with a great group of smart, distinguished professionals at my company. Everyone is helpful, friendly, brilliant. We work hard ...
A. 18 July 2019: The best way to handle this situation with the least amount of trouble is to remember that you are co-workers and he is married. Stay professional and do not get so personal. You are treading in dangerous waters here and could wind up getting hurt ... (read in full...)
I've compromised so much of what I want to stay with my husband but I'm not happy
Q. I've been married a long time,no children, been through a very bad patch that we came through, have always had a strong bond, we share a lot of interests and agree on a lot of things but I've put up with a lot of things that made me unhappy for the ...
A. 15 July 2019: I think it all comes down to what you are willing to accept for your life. OP. If you are unhappy then why do you stay? Does the other parts of your life make up for what you are missing? Are you willing to continue this way for the remainder of ... (read in full...)
How can I make my boyfriend realize how awful he's been to me?
Q. My boyfriend has been horrible to me lately and I'm really upset that he doesn't feel bad for treating me the way he has. Last week he asked me to book a last minute holiday, I don't know why he couldn't do it himself but just text me his card...
A. 15 July 2019: I'm sorry OP but I doubt if he really cares how awful he's been to you. People change because THEY want to change not because WE want them to. Your partner doesn't care about you or your feelings he has proven that on more than one occasion. Don't ... (read in full...)
Can you make yourself love someone?
Q. Well. Where do I start? Six years ago I met my husband and he inspired me to stop doing the party girl thing. Overtime i realized I had been shallow and never given men like him a chance before. (He is not physically what I was use to dating) I ...
A. 9 July 2019: No I don't think you can make yourself love someone. You can grow to respect someone, to care for someone, but bottom line is that you either love someone or you don't. You can't force feelings to come. They are either there or they are not. ... (read in full...)
How do I ask our friend to take the photos of us and our home off Instagram and not sound angry?
Q. I don't want to make a big deal out of this... and... thanx for your help :) I'm a private person and I don't use social networks. My husband doesn't use them either. Unlike me, he really hates them, I just do not like them. Recently a frie...
A. 9 July 2019: OP, you have every right to be upset. I value my privacy and do not use social media because I don't want my life put on display. I would be incredibly upset if I friend took photos without my permission displaying my home/life! As the other aunts ... (read in full...)
Why has my husband of 15 years suddenly become so interested in anal sex?
Q. Hello I’m wondering why my husband of 15 years is suddenly only wanting to have foreplay with my anal it’s bern a couple months and I feel he’s prepping me slowing he started touching me there then kissing and licking and now he’s trying to do it ...
A. 8 July 2019: Maybe he wants to spice things up? Why not just ask him? ... (read in full...)
I walked in on my husband performing oral sex on my best friend
Q. Hi there. I am 29 years old and have been married for 5 years. My husband and I have been together since we were young teens. I never thought he could hurt me but I was away on holiday with my friend and we came home early, when i returned I walked ...
A. 5 July 2019: Aw..OP what a terrible scene to come home to! That had to really hurt and truth be told you are right, you will probably NEVER get that out of your head. Your friend and your husband betrayed you in the worst possible way. You aren't going to forget ... (read in full...)
Am I cheating? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Q. i never think that i will experience this in my life. im married to my long time boyfriend that actually we arent compatible to be together. we dont really know each other as we seldom meet back then we dated. we now have 8 months son. prior to ...
A. 29 June 2019: OP, I'm pretty sure you have written in several times about this situation but you do absolutely nothing to change anything. Every post is a little different but still with the same problems. You are an adult, not a child but you are trying to live ... (read in full...)
Getting over an affair before marriage
Q. I have been married for 13 years and in a relationship 9 years before that. We have 4 daughters and everything has been going well in our marriage. However we’ve been together since high school and had a rough patch during 4 year span in college ...
A. 28 June 2019: OP what are you hoping to gain by going down this road? You do realize that no good will come out of you rehashing the past dont you? I don't mean this in a mean way but do you really have nothing better to do with your time than obsess over ... (read in full...)
I escaped an obsessive ex only to get married to a man exactly like him!
Q. I don't even know where to start...I guess I'm going to tell you about this in two parts. When I was in high school, there was this guy, James, who was new in school and he wanted to go out with me. I refused because I wasn't interested. He p...
A. 26 June 2019: OP, I don't see anywhere in your post where you say that you love your husband. Forgive me if I missed it. Do you? If so then do you wish to work with your husband to make your marriage better? If you don't love him and do not see a future then you ... (read in full...)
Why is there so much pressure for women to stay youthful?
Q. As I am getting older I’m finding that outside influences make me conscious of my aging and like there is somehow something wrong with me or less attractive about me because I’m a woman getting older. It seems that every se one ad on is about how to ...
A. 21 June 2019: OP, I understand how you are feeling and society really does focus on age and looking good (God only knows what the stars go through to stay youthful!) but it doesn't mean that you have to fall into that trap. Love yourself, embrace your age and ... (read in full...)
Do I give up my baby dream
Q. I joined a dating site last year and after a few bad dates i found a guy that was perfect we had several dates loads in common enjoy each others company but he decided to tell me hed rather be friends with benefits. I agreed but now im unsure what ...
A. 21 June 2019: OP do not settle. If you don't want a FWB relationship then do not get involved in one. You are just spinning your wheels wasting time while you could be out finding Mr. Right. This man is "Mr right now". You don't have to give up your dream, just ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends contact with other girls makes me very insecure
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now. I’m 19 he’s 22. Up until about three months ago he had been in communication with his obsessive ex, texted her and talked on the phone with her once because she had some drama about ...
A. 19 June 2019: Its called R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Demand it for yourself and from yourself. This guy is just batting you around like a cat would with a mouse...playing with you..seeing how much you will take. You deserve better. Stand up and say "NEXT!" and get him out of ... (read in full...)
Should I cave in and help out a friend or not?
Q. I have a longtime friend… maybe some of you have one just like her… someone who’s funny, interesting and… always needs something. Here’s some background: Over the years I helped her a lot. The last time she needed help big time, I ended up doi...
A. 19 June 2019: OP don't give it another thought. You were polite and respectful but refused to the bait. She used you and wasn't grateful for your hard work. A true friend would have thanked you or acknowledged you or perhaps even give you a gift and let you know ... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with a woman 30 years younger than me with a boyfriend
Q. I fell in love with a woman 30 years younger than me i behave she is my true love we have spend hours talking about everything but she treats me like a dad i think about her day and night her a boy friend\ fiance lives with her he hurts and abuse ...
A. 18 June 2019: OP, I think that you are lonely and to quote a song "looking for love in all the wrong places". This young lady thinks of you as a father figure, someone to run to when things are wrong, someone she can confide in but I seriously doubt that she has ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend constantly quits jobs and I'm tired of picking up the financial slack
Q. Been together almost 5 yrs. We live together and have a joint bank account. I have been working for the same company for 2 years now, full time, doing about 50 hrs per week. About one year ago he suddenly quit the job he had been with for a long ...
A. 14 June 2019: Your boyfriend is acting immature and irresponsible not to mention uncaring. He is the type of person that will bleed you dry both emotionally and financially if you allow him to do so. I'm so sorry for what you are going through in regards to yo... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is cheating and lying to me
Q. hello to all ill try to make this long story short, i am in love with a man whom ive been with for two years, we have had some break ups along the way because he was unfaithful and got someone pregnant, he wanted to work things out so he asked for ...
A. 14 June 2019: OP, take off the blinders. You are not some teenager that has no experience. See your man for what he is. A liar, a cheater and someone you don't trust. What is there to hold onto?
It still amazes me how some women will hold onto a man after he... (read in full...)
My husband had a sexual fling while I was mourning the loss of my father. How do I get past this?
Q. My father died last year. It was a tough time for me and still is. We were very close. I found out recently that my husband of 6 years was having a "fling" with an old friend while I was mourning my dad's loss. It wasn't a full blown affair. It was ...
A. 13 June 2019: First of all I am sorry for your loss, OP. I was very close to my father and his unexpected death hit me very hard. Its been 5 years now and I still miss him every day. Almost everyone will be devastated when their parent passes on. Its a tremendous ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with a very interfering mother who's super excited after the birth of my daughter?
Q. First of all, let me say that I absolutely ADORE my mother, and for the most part, we have a great relationship. But ever since I had my first baby just over a month ago, she has been driving me crazy. The past month has been full of visiting wi...
A. 11 June 2019: I went through this with my mom with my first child. I was only 20. My mother was soooo excited since it was her first grandchild and I swear you would have thought the baby was hers! At first I felt like you but as time went on, she calmed down and ... (read in full...)
I feel so disconnected and my husband is completely emotionally unavailable
Q. I’ve been married twenty years and unhappy for around half of that . I think I was happier in the first part of the marriage because our kids were young and I Was less concerned with having a connected deep relationship. It was more about family and ...
A. 9 June 2019: OP, you have to search your heart and do what you feel is best for you. Of course we can give you advice but obviously everyone's life is different and what some people can exist with and tolerate others can't.
I am in your age range and I have b... (read in full...)
Crushing on the Walmart guy!
Q. I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible! I have been single for almost 4 years. I haven't dated anyone I just haven't found anyone that I'm interested in until now. A few months ago I seen this guy that works at my local Walmar...
A. 4 June 2019: OP if you are too shy to even say "Hi" to him how are you ever going to get anywhere? Its time to put on your big girl panties or else you are going to continue to be in a fantasy world. You don't know anything about this man and I don't know how ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is illegally in my country, wants to marry me so he can stay on and is planning our wedding which is going to happen in a week!
Q. Hi everyone, I have a situation. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he does everything for me and my kids. We first met online, he had come from a far country to visit me and he decided not to go back to his country. So now he has ...
A. 1 June 2019: OP, DO NOT MARRY HIM! That would be very foolish and you know it. Tell him the truth " I am sorry I cannot will not marry you under these circumstances." END OF STORY
He knew when he had to leave and stayed too long anyways.
I do not know how ... (read in full...)
What's it like dating someone with a young child?
Q. I'm currently seeing (nothing official yet) a guy who has a young kid, 3 years old. I never really wanted any kids of my own but I am really starting to fall for this guy and I think he feels the same way. I'm not good with kids, not because I don't ...
A. 31 May 2019: I was a single mom when my daughter was only 2. If he has full custody then his life revolves around his child AS IT SHOULD BE. It means your life really isn't your own and the majority of the time is spent making sure that your child is happy, fed ... (read in full...)
She thanked me, said she had a good time but also said she is not looking for anything serious
Q. I matched and got talking to a girl on a online dating app.. Few messages later went out for dinner. Holy smokes she is stunning. I don’t have a clue how it went. She kept thanking me and saying she had a good time. But also said she is not looking ...
A. 31 May 2019: Take her words at face value. She's not looking for anything serious. She doesn't wish to date you. Apparently she's not willing to waste time and apparently didn't feel a spark. Be grateful she isn't going to waste your time. NEXT! ... (read in full...)
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