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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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My husband is trying to bully, control, manipulate and isolate me! Help!
Q. I have recently got married again and gradully my husband is imposing boundaries and when i challenge these he becomes incredibly angry to the point of screaming, telling me i'm stupin and running down my friends and family. He is now tell8ng me my ...
A. 28 July 2017: Do not stay in this situation! He is trying to isolate you and then control you and he will slowly wear you down to the point where you may start to believe what he is saying. Reach out to your friends and family and let them know EXACTLY what is ... (read in full...)
Is this guy lying about his wifey situation?
Q. I met a guy online and started seeing him. Before I started seeing him he took down his profile as he said he found it demoralising. He told me he was separated, had been for 9 yrs. said he hadn't divorced because he wife had gotten a boyfrie...
A. 24 July 2017: I agree with all the other aunts/uncles. The man isn't divorced because he DOESN'T want to be divorced. When a marriage is really over and a person wants out, they will move heaven and earth to get out and get those papers signed. Whatever reasons ... (read in full...)
She makes up things I've said - then criticises me
Q. Hey guys, Need some advice here or just a way to avoid the unnecessary arguments altogether. In short, my girlfriend is continuously saying I've said things I've never said. It's driving me mad because if I defend myself about these things...
A. 19 July 2017: I agree with the general consensus. This is indeed known as gaslighting. I'm not sure what her motives are but she certainly couldn't be thought of as a loving, caring woman. Gaslighting is a method where an individual tries to make another ... (read in full...)
8 years of trust,broken! Can we make it back?
Q. Hi all thanks for your help first of all I have a horrible problem I need help with. Sorry about the lengh. I went on a holiday with 4 of my friends one of them is my boyfriends brothers girlfriend Side note: I've been with my bf 8 years been ...
A. 18 July 2017: I don't think you are overreacting one iota. This is sad beyond sad. Your boyfriend has just assumed that "one chick lies, they all lie". Pure BS. I know you are hurting and don't want to believe that a man you thought you knew could be acting this ... (read in full...)
Can't understand what kind of relationship I'm in
Q. I have known my friend for over a year. He has been doing little things. 1: Can you be out by a certain time? 2: I have my own place but still living with him. 3: He said he wanted to tell me something but then stops and pauses and says never mi...
A. 18 July 2017: If you are with him and can't read him, there is no way that any of us could know what is going on with him. Grab your courage and sit down and TALK TO HIM. Its the only way you are going to get the real scoop. Good luck! ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my husband because I feel sorry for him?
Q. Hi, I'm 49 and married second time for 5 years. He is 13 years older and adores me. But Iv never really been settled. Iv hankered after an ex for the first years of the marriage. Now Iv met and fallen madly in love with a guy I met . I'm so ...
A. 17 July 2017: If you don't love your husband and are seeking the attention of another man then the kindest thing you can do long term is to let your husband go. It isn't fair to him to think that he has a loving faithful wife when in reality she wants out. Treat ... (read in full...)
I'm very uncomfortable around my colleague who has made advances at me. Did I deal with him in the right way?
Q. An older male colleague made advances towards me in a (in my opinion) really creepy and passive aggressive way, half a year ago. I shut him down, almost got HR involved and we had a long frank discussion where I told him not to call me anymore, not ...
A. 14 July 2017: I worked in a government office for years and this happened to people, once to me. It didn't work being nice, he didn't get the hint or didn't want to get it. Time to stop tip toeing around go see HR. Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be nice, people ... (read in full...)
The love of my life just shamed my dressing style and said that I embarrassed him
Q. The man I thought was the love of my life just informed me that when I visited him in his home town I embarrassed him because of my outfit because, he says , it was way too short I feel totally embarrassed . I'm in my 40s and somewhat chubby ...
A. 12 July 2017: If your appearance/clothing was that important to him, it would have been nice if he had told you in advance. If he realized that you didn't have perhaps what he thought was "appropriate" clothing then he could have sweetly suggested taking you ... (read in full...)
Is my pedicure cause for concern?
Q. I am not sure if I should be offended or not? But I AM!! I just got a pedicure and I love it. I like the colour. It is bright and summery. My boyfriend did not share my enthusiasm. He said pedicures with any colour draw attention to feet, and he ...
A. 23 June 2017: If all feet are ugly then why do many men have foot fetishes?? Your boyfriend may not like feet, but plenty of other men do and they would actually swoon if you had a pedicure and had your toenails painted! Its all about what a person likes or ... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating lied he said he was 30, he's almost 44
Q. Aunts and uncles! Please help.. So I've been seeing a guy for 5 months, I'm 25 and he's 30.. Things are a bit rocky here and there, but today iced the cake. I seen a comment on Facebook and decided to Snoop... I see him address his 38 year old brot...
A. 22 June 2017: Oh yes, its a big deal alright!!! You have every right to be upset and feel betrayed. Like the other aunts have said, the first thing that comes to mind is "what else did he lie about?" Wife? Ex-wife? Kids? Who knows???
This would be a deal bre... (read in full...)
I met him online, lied about everything and now 4 years later I know I need to tell him the truth but I don't know how
Q. I met someone online 4years back when I was 17 - 18, so I joined in just for fun..members were not really serious about relationships but everyone was there after a breakup or divorce. And I decided to hide my identity and just to have chat with ...
A. 22 June 2017: I've been on DC for over 10 years and I've seen this kind of post numerous times. Sadly, it never ends too well. I'm confused about the fact that in 4 years you never video chatted? Never exchanged any more photos? Never met??
Denizen is right, i... (read in full...)
Does her telling me to move on really mean its over?
Q. Hello i was in a relationship with a woman for 17 months , she ended it because we argued, quite a bit , as she wanted to settle down,and i did , but not yet , she said at begining of april ,can,t say goodbye , so i,ll say goodnight, that was the ...
A. 22 June 2017: Sorry OP, but most ladies do not say one thing and mean another. Yes there are people that play games but I don't think this is the case. It would be best if you accept that things are over. Cut all contact and let her go. Don't embarrass yourself ... (read in full...)
What goes through a man's head when he sees his wife having sex with another man?
Q. To make it short my husband and I are into guys joining us for sex . But husband has always joined for sex until recently when at a party when a black guy paid attention to me more than normal. So at husbands request I invited him home for a ...
A. 17 June 2017: I agree with the gents that have answered. Any man will have his own opinion, but isn't it your husband's thoughts that you really want to know? Why don't you ask him how he felt/feels? ... (read in full...)
14 months into the relationship, things aren't looking good, he is criticizing and we are arguing. What would you do?
Q. Help!!! I am sorry if this is a long post but I need some advice. where to start? ok, so about 14 months ago I met the man of my dreams. He is loving, caring and we have so much in common (or so I thought) we started off slow and then got into a ...
A. 16 June 2017: If my partner was making my blood pressure go up, stressing me out and making me cry, I'd walk away. I certainly wouldn't move in with him. Sometimes we think we know someone and they seem wonderful, but over time, you get to see their true colors. ... (read in full...)
He's unbalanced and often will not take his meds. I'm scared of making another mistake but I know I have to leave him. How can my children and I leave him safely?
Q. I've decided to leave but I am scared. I've been married twice before. The first 14 years and two children and he cheated. The second was a rebound one child but he was abusive. I had 5 years on my own with my three children and we were happy...
A. 30 May 2017: Ditto on everything that Honeypie said. If you can leave today then do so. If you are afraid to leave then call the police to be there when you do so, or if you have male relatives that can be there to monitor, please call and ask them to be there. ... (read in full...)
I cheated and had a one night stand!
Q. Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years. She honestly is the love of my life and I am very happy with her and would do anything for her. Unfortunately, I made a terrible mistake a couple of nights ago , had way too many drinks (which I know ...
A. 24 May 2017: I agree 100% with Anonymous123. She isn't the love of your life. You don't cheat on the love of your life. My husband and I before we married were sometimes separated for months at a time, and we NEVER cheated on one another. I couldn't even think ... (read in full...)
She behaves so sweetly in public. But she cheated on me. What can I do to forget a crafty girlfriend, who I trusted and love?
Q. My LDR girlfriend cheated on me. I found out and I told her about her cheating. She cried, she denied her cheating. I said to her that I would not sponsor her into U.S as the fiancee. She replied to me that she did not want to go to U.S. After...
A. 10 May 2017: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/cheating-in-a-ldr-what-advice-can-you.html
This is your post from yesterday. You said that you found out that she is a prostitute. She has been lying and cheating on you. The best thing that you can do for your... (read in full...)
How do I tell my strict, military, religious father that I'm pregnant?
Q. I am a 20 year old who still lives at home. I just found out I'm pregnant with my boyfriend's child. My friend and I haven't been dating very long but I have known and been friends with him for over 6years. Because of this fact my father hasn't...
A. 9 May 2017: I concur with what the previous aunts have advised you. You know your father so timing is very important, definitely not something to bring up when he's in a bad mood or has had a bad day but it should be done as soon as possible before he figures ... (read in full...)
Is something going on behind my back? Should I trust him?
Q. Is it strange for your partner of 17 years not to add you on Facebook when he says it's for workmates ..which is a lie I've never met one person he works with in 8 years has been in the same job . By accident I came across a 3 year old Twitter ...
A. 4 May 2017: Our wonderful Wiseowl has given such lovely advice I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to say coming in after him. He's marvelous, honest and always spot on so read his words carefully and consider what he is saying to you.
I understa... (read in full...)
Confusedabout my feelings
Q. I apologise this is very long! Around 4 years ago i met this man online. We eventually met up and went for a meal, (i need to mention i was in a bad place back then and very insecure) he was a bit of a d***. He said i had bad table manners, asked if ...
A. 2 May 2017: Think...think...and then think again. I hope that in the end you will chalk this man up to bad taste, bad timing, a bad place in your life (notice all the BAD??) and make a GOOD decision and close the book on this guy. He's a user and he thinks that ... (read in full...)
My b/f made fun of me and called me a pansy because I refused to do something that I felt was dangerous
Q. I know we all say things to hurt our significant other's feelings at times. Something happened this weekend, and it might sound dumb, but I need another perspective on this. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He isn't afraid to ...
A. 25 April 2017: I am a person that likes to play it safe now that I have gotten older. When I was younger, I did crazy exciting things that now when I look back make me wonder what on earth was I thinking??? For the most part, I am not a thrill seeker. I like safe ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to tell someone who has depression that you can't be there for then anymore if they don't want to help the self?
Q. Is it wrong to tell someone who has depression that you can't be there for then anymore if they don't want to help the self? My boyfriend has depression which is not diagnosed but I've had it previously and know he does now. I've done everything I ...
A. 21 April 2017: No, there is nothing wrong with walking away. If you have tried to help someone and they refuse to seek help you have to accept that they don't want help. Its sad and its hard but sometimes you have to save yourself. I say this after being married ... (read in full...)
My housemate has invited her new Bf to stay in my home over Easter. I feel intimidated and think he's a criminal. What can I do ?
Q. My housemate (lodger) has recently starting dating someone from a foreign organised crime background and they are staying over this weekend in my home. My housemate met this person on holiday 5 weeks ago and has been seeing this person every week...
A. 13 April 2017: Do not allow yourself to be intimidated by this situation. It is your home and your rules. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting that man in your home! Tell her politely but firmly that you do not allow your lodgers to have guests. That's all ... (read in full...)
Trying to avoid attending a work function. What are some good excuses I could use?
Q. I've been asked to go to a work meeting that I really want to avoid. The meeting is a 3 hour train ride from where I live so I would have to leave very early and get home late. I don't have any children or pets that I can use as an excuse. Are ther...
A. 11 April 2017: A friend or family member is flying in from out of town, they've already bought the airline ticket and you need to pick them up and help them get situated. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to
Q. I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...
A. 29 March 2017: Most people especially women do not like to have someone commenting on their weight/health. I don't care how caring the advice might sound, the woman will probably not take it well. Your girlfriend is well aware of her weight/health and I agree with ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's insecurity is chipping away at our relationship
Q. So I am having some serious issues in my relationship and I don't know how to deal with them. I am coming here for some much needed perspective. To start, I'm a gay female. 33 years old. My girlfriend is 27. We have what I would normally conside...
A. 28 March 2017: When you are with your partner, you should feel happy. When you are away from them, you should miss them and look forward to seeing them. If you are dreading being with her and worried about what she may so or do, its time to get out.
Your ... (read in full...)
Just had a baby, but now I am scared about returning home, due to his abusive actions while I was pregnant. What can I do?
Q. Dear aunties and uncles. I am a first time mom to a month old baby and my husband and I have had a fair share of ups and downs but we love each other a lot and wouldn't dream of spending my life with anyone else. Last year, while in my first trim...
A. 24 March 2017: I have walked the path that you are walking down right now and let me tell you it is a frightening treacherous walk. I can't urge you strongly enough to not go back to that man. My first husband was physically abusive, my second husband was an ... (read in full...)
Is this man using my sister, and did she move him into her house too soon?
Q. This is really a question about my sister. She is the sweetest kindest girl, aged 45, divorced with two teenage sons. She tends to fall in love very easily, and rushes into relationships, and those relationships rarely last, so she ends up hear...
A. 23 March 2017: I truly understand your concern for your sister. My baby sister went through a very similar situation just within the last year. She is just a few years older than your sister, had been divorced for years and had not dated. She met a nice man and ... (read in full...)
Personal cleanliness? There has got to be a nice way to approach this! What would you do??
Q. I started seeing this guy about two months ago. We pretty much only hang out about two three nights a week when he'll come stay the night or weekend. We've known each other for a while now, we've taken our kids on play dates before etc. He's a...
A. 21 March 2017: OP, you aren't being too picky. Its just common sense and most people actually do like to be clean, wear clean clothes and smell nice. You aren't asking for too much. The bottom line is that although this guy might be nice, he's a pig. He's lazy and ... (read in full...)
He's so unhygienic it's putting me off him, am I being unreasonable?
Q. I have been dating for over a year. In the early days he was relatively tidy.The guy is increasingly becoming a slob. His whole place is like a teenages bedroom clothes, rushbish, hangers, money etc chucked on the floor, plates piled up in the ...
A. 10 March 2017: You are not being unreasonable. He sounds like such a slob. Yuk...I don't think I would even want to be in his apartment, let alone move in with him. The sad thing is, no matter how much you talk to him or try to coax him into being neat and tidy, ... (read in full...)
My married lover won't commit to me.
Q. Been having a relationship with a married man for 11 years, I have asked him on numerous ocassions for me and him to be a proper couple.....but even though he says he wants to in the future he can't right now because of the impact it will have on ...
A. 1 March 2017: The kindest thing I can say to you is to leave him and move on with your life. Start a whole new life. Obviously that won't be easy but you are doing yourself a great disservice by staying with a man who isn't going to leave his wife. He doesn't ... (read in full...)
He's a handsome foreigner, twice-divorced, aged 60. But all is not well in the relationship. Is it time to break up with him?
Q. Hello, I´m a single working mother of two. One is 13yo and the second 5yo. Six months ago I met a handsome foreigner twice-divorced aged 60. After 2 months, he came to live with us. He´s the first man to ever enter my household because I´ve alw...
A. 26 February 2017: I agree with Celtic Tiger. Its very troubling that after only 2 months you moved basically a total stranger into your home and your children's lives. A man old enough to be your father and their grandfather. You don't know someone after dating 2 ... (read in full...)
Teen daughter does not believe me. In your opinion did I do something wrong?
Q. I'm a single mother of two children. A girl who is 15 and a son who is 11 years old. We had a good life. We would take vacations and go back to our home country to visit every year. They both attend private Christian schools. Five years ago I di...
A. 25 February 2017: You didn't do anything wrong. Teenagers are hard to raise and especially teen age daughters can be a real nightmare. My daughter was 13 going on 30 thought she knew everything and I was a constant source of embarrassment to her. Her friends liked me ... (read in full...)
How much detail should I put in my online dating profile?
Q. I have cerebral palsy, I am not in a wheelchair but am a bit unsteady on my feet at times. I have got a dating profile on Match, should I include my disability on there?...
A. 24 February 2017: I agree that its best to be honest even though many people on the internet dating sites are not. Do you use a cane? If so, you might state as anonymous said and say something like "I'm sometimes a little unsteady on my feet as occasionally use a ... (read in full...)
I need a kick to end this toxic relationship!
Q. I am in the worst relationship I have EVER been in. I'm totally miserable and bored to tears when I'm with him. He is rude, selfish, disrespectful to me and woman in general. I'm ashamed to admit I have been with this guy for over six years. He ...
A. 23 February 2017: I am in your age bracket, so I'm going to talk to you like a friend. Friends don't watch friends deteriorate without speaking up and trying to get them help. LEAVE the relationship. FOR YOU. You aren't happy, he mistreats you, doesn't appreciate ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to see this man? He is also my boss. He says he wants to keep his independence, and doesn't want anything serious
Q. Hi all! I've recently started a new position in my work place and since moving facilities my boss and I have become very close (he is the same age as me 26). It all started with him asking discreet questions about my relationship status,...
A. 22 February 2017: Dating a co-worker is NEVER a good idea. Dating a boss? Pretty much career suicide within that establishment. I can't tell you strong enough...don't do it! Office romances rarely ever work out. Someone finds out, gossip starts, someone breaks up, ... (read in full...)
Am I normal for hoping he could overcome his alcoholism?
Q. I want to know if I am normal. I have been involved with an alcoholic on/of for ten years. I miss him deeply, like I am vexed. My mind knows the truth but my heart can not get the message. I weigh out the cons but the love I feel and felt outweighs ...
A. 21 February 2017: I was married to an alcoholic. It isn't a pretty life or a happy one and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. When you love someone, you don't want to believe that they don't want to help themself. You want to think that one day they will turn around and ... (read in full...)
My grandmother died and I've lost my job
Q. I'm not one to ask for advice but I really need some. I've been under a tremendous amount of stress and I'm not sure how to cope, I feel like everything is crashing down around me. On January 10th my grandma who I was really close to died a...
A. 18 February 2017: I'm very sorry about your grandmother. I was very close to my grandmother too, she was more of a mother to me than my mother. We knew she was going to die of cancer (she was 87) and had time to prepare, but it still felt like a knife going through ... (read in full...)
Disappointed he couldn't see me Valentine's day. Am I being selfish? Should I try and make things work?
Q. I'm 38 and have been dating a guy who is 38 as well. Our first date was Nov 5th last year and we've seen each other every weekend since then and sometimes during the week. He is part of a culture that does not honour pagan holidays...and I am fine ...
A. 15 February 2017: It appears as though he goes with the flow as long as things are going his way. He cares about himself and puts him first, not you. He doesn't do anything to exert himself in any way and you can either continue to go along or cut the tie and move ... (read in full...)
She made me wait until marriage for sex, but we are now married and still no sex!
Q. I know these questions get asked plenty of times - and I know there is no cut and dry answer, but here is my story. I'm 34 years old and my wife of 5 years is 24. She wanted to wait until marriage to have sex which was more than fine for me seei...
A. 13 February 2017: I really feel sorry for you. The kind of behavior that she is displaying isn't something that most men would be able to tolerate. I'm not sure if I fully comprehend things though. Have you EVER had sex? If not then you could easily have the marriage ... (read in full...)
Our arguments often lead to physical altercations!
Q. ive been in this relationship for about five months now and things are definitely not the way i thought they would be. I care deeply about this man but the communication is limited. We get into arguments which some end in physical altercations. Both ...
A. 12 February 2017: Allow me to give some advice that I wish someone had given to me when I was your age. NEVER stay with a person who physically abuses you. If you are touched in any manner that is not loving and kind, GET OUT!
I married a man like the one you are ... (read in full...)
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