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Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2018) 12 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, *hio2938 writes:

My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in pain and said, " owww my nose"! It sounds ridiculous, but somehow this really hurt and I was a bit stunned!

My boyfriend just looked at me with a blank expression. I continued to say "ouch" while holding my nose and he just stared at me for about 5 minutes. Then without saying a single word he put on his coat and jacket. I said, "wait! can you check if I'm ok? My nose really hurts. He didn't look at me once and kept his back to me. I then started crying because I didn't understand why he was ignoring me.

Without looking back once he left the house. I was really angry and yelled, "don't come back"! I felt angry because he just flat out ignored me when I got hurt. It was clearly an accident and I didn't blame him for it and I wasn't angry. I don't understand why he didn't ask if I was ok when I clearly was in pain. It really freaked me out that he ignored me and left. I would have said sorry and checked to see if he was ok, gave him a kiss, said it was an accident, etc. It should have been something we laughed about afterwards....

Why do you think he reacted like this? Should I be worried?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (2 November 2018):

Ciar agony auntWell, we think you were overly dramatic, and suspect your boyfriend did too.

And women who have been 'abused by the ex' are a dime a dozen so I wouldn't play that card if I were you.

I think everyone here understands you cried not at point of impact but afterward when your boyfriend just stood there looking at you with a 'blank expression' that seems to have morphed into ' an evil glare', 'with hate in his eyes'.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2018):

OMG, what a drama queen. Get over it. It was an accident. It sounds like he didn't react because he's fed up with you making drama out of nothing.

He did the right thing. He didn.t want the grief.

Grow-up. You're too old to be behaving like that.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2018):

N91 agony auntI don’t think it was intentional and you sound like you really made a meal of it. Crying and telling him not to come back over it? Childish.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2018):

Right now who cares about your boyfriend.What is important now is you need to get to the doctor your nose may be broken.A untreated broken nose can lead to a whole host of medical problems.She does not sound like an attention seeking child.She needs medical help now for that nose.Later after you go to the doctor and only then you have a talk with the boyfriend when you hand him the doctor bill.His reaction t.o the bill will let you know how to proceed.

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A female reader, Ohio2938 United States +, writes (31 October 2018):

Ohio2938 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, actually I really don't think I was being overly dramatic. To clear things up I DIDN'T cry when we bumped into each other. It hurt and I did say, "Oww my nose!" and I held my nose. And yes, I know it was a hat and I understand that may seem dramatic. The thing is that I broke my nose 10 ago and it never healed right. Sometimes even if I press it in the wrong spot it hurts and makes a cracking sound...so there's that.

I didn't start crying until later when my boyfriend just stood there giving me an evil glare like I had done something wrong to him. He was looking at me with hate in his eyes. Also he refused to answer to me, just kept staring with glazed over eyes and it was creeping me out. I wasn't yelling at him or anything like that.

I don't think it's being dramatic to expect him to say "are you ok" or just be kind in general if someone gets hurt, even a simple bump on the nose, but I guess that's just me. I most certainly was NOT rolling around on the floor crying!

To me, it seemed like a complete lack of empathy and having experiencing abusive relationships before this event caused a red flag to me. Like what did I do to him to cause that type of reaction? I guess I just wanted to see what other people thought.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2018):

Maybe he had no idea that his hat had hit your nose and didn't understand why you were clutching your nose in pain. As you didn't elucidate, he didn't comment. Yes, he could have asked if you were ok, but your reaction is rather over the top IMHO.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (31 October 2018):

mystiquek agony auntwow..I think if anyone should be worried its the boyfriend. Little too much drama over something that was innocent

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (31 October 2018):

Ciar agony auntI second that answer.

It might have been a bit painful at first, and you were caught off guard, but you milked it and the crying was over the top.

30-35, huh?

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (30 October 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHonestly? He sounds like he is fed up of you causing needless drama.

I mean, come one; the brim of his hat hit your nose. What was it made of to cause you so much pain you rolled around clutching your nose for 5 minutes? Steel? Was your nose really still hurting enough 5 minutes after the incident to warrant you clutching it and saying "ouch"?

Then, as if that wasn't enough drama for you, you had to tell him not to come back because of this silly incident? If he has any sense, he will take you at your word. You are acting like an attention-seeking child. Perhaps you need to grow up?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (30 October 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntWhy do you think you reacted like this? Should he be worried?

I get that it hurt, but it's the brim of a hat, so he may have thought you were exaggerating or overreacting.

It may have hurt, but I think you overreacted to him ignoring you. It was insensitive, but "don't come back"? Really?

You both acted immaturely. What should have happened is "that hurt", "sorry, Honey, can we talk later?", "sure". You are a grown woman and can comfort yourself when you get hurt by a hat.

Surely there's more to this? What were you talking about before his hat hurt your nose? Is it common for him to ignore you? Was he in a rush? Do you often get hurt by things that don't generally hurt so much?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2018):

As a man, I would perceive your response to be a bit dramatic. It seems like you over-played it a bit so that you could use the incident for attention. My suspicion is that your boyfriend gets tired of that kind of drama and his instinct was to roll his eyes and walk away rather than encourage you to continue that sort of attention seeking behavior.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2018):

It sounds like he thinks you over reacted and he cannot understand how it could have hurt...

How long have you been with him and are there any other examples of this kind of response?

All you can do is speak to him and ask him why he responded the way he did, but my take is he fails to see that it hurt and he thinks you over reacted.

My brothers girlfriend told me she was upset one time because she leaned in to kiss him and he picked up his phone and walked off, his version when he told me was he just didn't see her lean in and he picked his mobile up to go upstairs to get ready to take her to the cinema. She was quiet in the car, he could tell she was in a huff and had no idea why until he asked and she told him. The point is he doesn't seem to have seen it as a big thing as you did and if it bothers you, you need to sit him down and ask why he reacted how he did..

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