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*iot2017

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I keep comparing myself and feel like a loser!

Q.   How can I stop comparing myself and feeling like a looser - I am 31 and I feel like I haven't accomplished much in life nor have I enjoyed anybting . I come from a broken home - nothing I did was ever good enough - I have two degrees a corporate job ...

A.   5 October 2017: Hello OP. YOU NEED TO GO TO THERAPY, NOW. Seriously. You know, you have something called "Impostor syndrome", where you feel like you are pretending to be something you are not, because inside you are deeply insecure , vulnerable, a scam, e... (read in full...)

I feel like I have leprosy and no one told me

Q.   I know there’s only so much advice you could give but... I’m having some birthday anxiety. I’ll be 25 in the next couple weeks and I feel like I’m not where I want to be, especially romantically. I knew I would be panicked over my birthday but it’s...

A.   5 October 2017: Hello OP, You don't have leprosy, you just lack the kind of social and emotional skills required to maintain healthy relationships. I think you should seek a good therapist to help you out of this situation. You see, there is nothing wrong i... (read in full...)

Does looking at nudes lead to objectifying women?

Q.   I understand how wrong it is to regard people as objects. That's why I never stare at hot girls on the street, talk about their bodies or "hit on" them. But privately, I am curious about the female shape (being very inexperienced and never had a ...

A.   5 October 2017: Hello OP, Some (many) guys objectify women, with or without porn or nudes. That's the way they were raised and educated by family and/or environment. Watching PORN doesn't make you objectify woman in the same way video game doesn't make you a ... (read in full...)

Is life passing me by?

Q.   Hello everyone, Next month I am turning 30. Every birthday usually leads to some analysis and evaluation but this one at the end decade is feeling like an assessment of whole life. Right now I have MBA degree from one of the best schools around,...

A.   5 October 2017: If you want to be happy, just stop comparing yourself with other's successes and progress. Get out of facebook, start living your life according to you own measures of success. There is no universal rule as what is defined as good success ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want marriage. Is there anything I can do?

Q.   My problem is this, I love my Bf. I'm sure He loves me too. We have lots of things in common. But the saying is also true. No relationship is perfect. Thing is, he have this thing that we are totally opposite about. I am a kind of woman who ...

A.   5 October 2017: Hallo OP! I think you have two clear courses of actions: stay with him or leave him. Your partner is very hurt from his past marriage and his parent's marriage, and it's not likely that he'll ever change his views about marriage. You ar... (read in full...)

I think guys just want me for sex

Q.   It feels like guys only want me for sex. Every guy to ever show interest in me has somehow indicated that he wants something mainly if not entirely physical. It's made me really conscious and insecure because when a guy asks for my number or flirts ...

A.   5 October 2017: Hello OP. I want to disclose a little male secret: WE ALL WANT SEX WITH THE GIRL WE LIKE/HAVE A CRUSH. If a guy tells you he is not into sex with you, don't believe him. Now, many guys are very shameless and just stop further advances whe... (read in full...)

My boyfriend flirts with his employees and it's annoying me!

Q.   I've been exclusive with this guy for the last few weeks, its going OK but I get really jealous when he flirts with his employees (he runs a v popular Indian restaurant and has a lot of really pretty Indian girls working there). He moans at me...

A.   3 October 2017: RED FLAG HERE. He is saying those girls are dumb just to not make you jealous of them. It doesn't matter how good looking he is: if he is in a serious relationship with you, he should not be flirting around any other girls. It's basic relation... (read in full...)

I feel so guilty about leaving my abusive ex

Q.   Hi, I previously asked for advice regarding a relationship I was in for 3 years with a guy I lived with who was controlling and violent. It went on for a number of years and last December I cheated on him with a guy who had been keen on me for a wh...

A.   3 October 2017: There is no justification for you cheating your ex, but also there is no justification for him abusing you that time and way before that. Listen, if your EX was abusive way before you cheated on him, then it's A BAD IDEA TO GO BACK. It's like ... (read in full...)

How do I control these erections I get so easily?

Q.   Hello everyone! I've got sort of an awkward issue, and I'm going to try to make this brief. I get erections incredibly easily and it's starting to annoy me. Especially around my girlfriend. I'm a very physical person, it's how I show affection, ...

A.   3 October 2017: Fix: masturbate before seeing your girlfriend every time. If you are always around her, find a quite and remote place where you can keep calm that erection of yours. However, at that age is very difficult to control that. It happened to ... (read in full...)

Will men care if I live at home?

Q.   Will men care if I don't have my own place? I am 31 years old and I have been hit with a financial hardship in life at the moment. For the first time in my life I am trying to not care what people think and focus on solving my financial situation ...

A.   3 October 2017: Hello OP, I'm 32 too, and I'm also living with mi parents. I have 3 jobs, and work 24/7. You see, we are millennials, and the kind of job security our parents and grandparents used to have is completely gone now. Regardless of what other peopl... (read in full...)

Am I lacking backbone?

Q.   Hi there, I wonder if you can help me a little further. I am fundamentally unable to deal with mood swings from my wife. They are rare and for the majority of the time we’re absolutely fine. Then suddenly, out of the blue she will descend into wha...

A.   29 September 2017: Regarding: "Am I over-reacting? Should I 'Man Up' and be some sort of strong silent type....? :(" NO, you are not over-reacting. If she doesn't talks to you for weeks, she is giving you the silent treatment. NO, YOU SHOULD NOT MAN UP and be a ... (read in full...)

Why am I the one suffering when all I tried to do was help my family?

Q.   I am in some real need of help here. Or maybe just a little support. Its a long story but here goes... ok so after 25 years my husband left me, my kids were 18 and 23. My daughter moved in with her then boyfriend. My son,who was my best friend i...

A.   29 September 2017: If that house it's your house, then you should not live on the basement. Period. You need to set the rules clear: if they want to live in there, rent free, they need to help you out with the expenses. At your current stage in life, it's hard bei... (read in full...)

Can smells and tastes affect a perfect blissful courtship?

Q.   Im blessed with a beautiful and very loving, caring partner who im sure would do anything for me and I would for her as well. So when I have this seemingly silly problem, I do not know how to overcome. Her odors. She uses deo but it wears off either ...

A.   26 September 2017: Every woman in the world has a particular odor, and many persons in the world haves a bad breath right after they wake up. Why don't you guys establish a "brushed teeth before kissing" policy? In that way, you both get to smell the best breath o... (read in full...)

He says he will never marry me because of my past!

Q.   Hello, My question is...is there any hope for a future with my ex-boyfriend? We dated for six months and he always suffered from retrograde jealousy for me. During this time I foolishly, casually mentioned my exes, not fully grasping what to...

A.   26 September 2017: First of all, you never talk about your exes, and you avoid bringing the topic or giving any details as possible. Jealousy is a real thing on everybody, and it can bring misery to any relationship. One thing is being honest and straight forward ... (read in full...)

How can I last longer the first time?

Q.   I just got into a relationship, its been quite a few months in. We are about to hit 3rd base and this is my first time someone will give me a handjob or even a blowjob. I don't think I can last for more than 30 seconds. Any tips on how to last ...

A.   23 September 2017: - Do things slowly - Close your eyes - Visualize the sea or something that gives you calmness while. - Focus your mind outside yourself, and place it elsewhere. - Take breaks / pauses ... (read in full...)

I love my boyfriend but am looking elsewhere

Q.   My situation.. I met my boyfriend a year ago while while I was living overseas, he is from that country. We ended up getting into a relationship quite fast. Our parents met each other and everything was great. A week later or so, he had to g...

A.   20 September 2017: LDR relationships are way to painful and hard to maintain. I have been 10 years with my GF, with very long LDR patches. The hardest part of a LDR is the physical touch/sexual part, which affects persons on both ends. Even the highest quality ... (read in full...)

I'm 28, watched my father die, and now watching my mother die. How to deal with anger?

Q.   I am 28 years old. My parents have been divorced since I was a child. Both of my parents have had poor health for as long as I can remember -- extreme obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart issues, and so on. As I grew up, I watched my fat...

A.   20 September 2017: The older you are, the harder is for you to change your habits. Your mother and father were way beyond the line where it's almost impossible to change, and that's not your fault. To handle the situation with your mother, I Strongly advice ... (read in full...)

Should I stay .... or maybe I should go

Q.   Hi dear Cupid, so I'll break this down in for form.. Myself (24) partner (23) - together three years Before I met him - I saved $13,000. Dating him - started going halves in things cause I thought it was a great idea. In three years - partner ...

A.   20 September 2017: It's very important that he gets a financial education now, because it seems like he doesn't know how to handle his finances and he is always borrowing money from you or his mom. Unless he has a sick person in his family, every guy should have at ... (read in full...)

I'm a 27 year old virgin who just wants to be loved..

Q.   Hi I'm just looking for advice I'm a 27 year old female and I have never been in a relationship I'm also a Virgin. I just seem invisible to men or only the wrong ones I'm at the age all my friends are settled down and having babies and I can't help ...

A.   20 September 2017: I think it's time for you to find a guy for you. It's very easy for a girl to get lost in either school and work, and completely ignore their emotional side. Like you say, you should not be desperate since it's not OK to let just anyone in your ... (read in full...)

I moved to be nearer to her, now she has broken up with me.

Q.   I'm fifty years old and moved over a year ago to be near my girlfriend she is 48 and I thought she was the love of my life. Suddenly she started saying she was busy all of the time and tired So I havnt seen her in two weeks. Tonight she broke up ...

A.   13 September 2017: Sorry to hear she has been sleeping around on your back. The good thing is that you fount out what was all about her weird acting. I hope things get better for you OP. ... (read in full...)

My mother always gives me such a hard time

Q.   Have you ever felt heart ache ? well I have. The feeling of light pain and sour when you're really depressed,and I had one experience for my dying grandma, another one for myself. My mom is a very traditional woman.she always wants me to learn ever...

A.   13 September 2017: Sorry to hear that OP. Your mother is a toxic person, and you need to find help coping with her, and setting healthy limits between you and her. When you have a chance, go and see a therapist who can help you handle your mother's toxicity. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's mother suddenly seems to hate me and thinks I'm an awful influence on him. Should I stay with him or leave?

Q.   My boyfriend who is 23 years old and I have been together for about 2 years now. At the beginning, maybe the first 3-4 months of the relationship his mother and I were very close. She would text me every single day, buy me things and call me her ...

A.   12 September 2017: "My question is, do I stay with him? or do I let him and his mother be?" OP, his mother is like both of my parents (and sister). They are rich, they never gave me attention when I was younger, yet they make my life and my girlfriend's lif... (read in full...)

Is it weird that my female friend always wants a payment for favours?

Q.   Is it weird if your female friend always wants/expects payment for favours? We've been friends since high school, and she's never been the "I'll pay for you" type, unless you ask directly and you'd probably have to pay her back afterwards. I'm ...

A.   12 September 2017: It seems like she is a cheapskate, and she can't give something if she is not getting something in cash right away. There are lot of stingy people in the world, and your friend sounds like a very extreme kind of stingy. She doesn't know the... (read in full...)

I moved to be nearer to her, now she has broken up with me.

Q.   I'm fifty years old and moved over a year ago to be near my girlfriend she is 48 and I thought she was the love of my life. Suddenly she started saying she was busy all of the time and tired So I havnt seen her in two weeks. Tonight she broke up ...

A.   12 September 2017: OP, It seems that such roomie isn't happy seeing someone else happy. There are a lot of people bitter like that, that take joy sabotaging any kind of happiness other people haves. I have dealt with a ton of persons like that, it's really a pain... (read in full...)

I moved to be nearer to her, now she has broken up with me.

Q.   I'm fifty years old and moved over a year ago to be near my girlfriend she is 48 and I thought she was the love of my life. Suddenly she started saying she was busy all of the time and tired So I havnt seen her in two weeks. Tonight she broke up ...

A.   12 September 2017: It seems that her roomie is the one that controls her, or knows how to push her buttons. It's a big red flag there. I honestly think you should move on, and don't look back. You deserve better. You deserve more than a Text break up after 2 years ... (read in full...)

My crush is being weird!

Q.   last week I ended pulling a gorgeous female while I was out with my friends, and we seem to have a lot in common with each other, she always liked me at school, but for some reason we didn't end up getting together, now we are, she sent me a friend ...

A.   11 September 2017: She is dating someone else, and doesn't wants to get into trouble, but she wants to have you as a contact, just in case her plan A fails. ... (read in full...)

Are we dating or are we friends? Long distance friendship with my ex.

Q.   Dear cupid, my boyfriend and I have had a 'thing' or more like dated for just over a year. He has moved away from home to go to boarding school and we made the decision that we would stop dating once he left, we also had decided that we were going ...

A.   11 September 2017: I think that you could both be a little toxic. He left the city, you both broke up, then YOU ARE FREE to do as you please. You should not give justifications of your actions to him anymore. You don't tell him anything. Don't talk to him. Move on ... (read in full...)

He's the perfect boyfriend .... when his mate isn't around1

Q.   Ive met this guy. he is amazing and sweet and just perfect in every way. HOWEVER.. he has this best friend who has very loose morals. when they are together they drink far too much and take drugs. when my boyfriend is not with him he never does dr...

A.   11 September 2017: RED FLAGS AHEAD: - Changing moods in the presence of a person. - Use of drugs - Binge alcoholism - Not knowing how to set limits - Having bad companies This guy is not good for you, but if you want to continue with him on a relationship, ... (read in full...)

I often think fondly of my ex but don't want to get back with him

Q.   Hi everyone. So I'll start with my ex. He was a lovely guy but there was no sex or passion. we were together a number of years but broke up a while ago now. i was okay. we are 'friends' but don't ever talk. I'm now with a new partner and thin...

A.   11 September 2017: It's called jealousy. Even if you don't love that man, if he moves on, you will feel jealous of him for being able to move on. That's normal, and your subconscious is telling you what it's anxious about him moving on or forgetting about you. Y... (read in full...)

I had a friend check on what he told me and he cut ties with me. Did I do something wrong?

Q.   I met a guy online 4 months ago. All along he has been telling me about the particular company he works for and has talked about work at great length because he works really long hours. I have a friend who works for the same company. I told her ...

A.   11 September 2017: Did I do something wrong? NO, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. It was curiosity. Was his reaction justified? NO. His reaction was not justified at all. You see, you DODGED A BULLET. This guy seems like a pathological liar. Men lie a lot, but the kind... (read in full...)

I moved to be nearer to her, now she has broken up with me.

Q.   I'm fifty years old and moved over a year ago to be near my girlfriend she is 48 and I thought she was the love of my life. Suddenly she started saying she was busy all of the time and tired So I havnt seen her in two weeks. Tonight she broke up ...

A.   11 September 2017: Man, this girl was not into you. You see, when you make all the effort of changing cities just to be with the girl you love, and that girl stops contact and ditches you, it's very likely because she is already with someone else, and like you hav... (read in full...)

I like girl A but am dating girl B

Q.   I became really good friends with these two girls who are best friends. I liked them both but had a crush on girl lets say girl A. I never told girl A this. We had different styles and the few convos we did have she always talked about dating this ...

A.   11 September 2017: When you date two girls that are friends, you won't be able to date the other girl because that's boyfriend etiquette. The only way for you to date with the other girl, is if they end their friendship, which many cases that won't happen because ... (read in full...)

My mother always gives me such a hard time

Q.   Have you ever felt heart ache ? well I have. The feeling of light pain and sour when you're really depressed,and I had one experience for my dying grandma, another one for myself. My mom is a very traditional woman.she always wants me to learn ever...

A.   11 September 2017: Mothers are genetically designed to be that way. What you should do is learn to say NO, and set healthy limits. You don't have to do everything she says, you have priorities. Mothers don't always know what's better for you on the long run, so if yo... (read in full...)

Now that he's abroad he doesn't contact me at all!

Q.   Hi, I'm in a strange "relationship" with my colleague and I don't know what to do..One year ago I've got this new job..when i met with my coworker, it was instant chemistry, he always look at me, trying to contact me..but i heard he's a player s...

A.   8 September 2017: "I'm so sad and confused why he acts this way, because it seemed like we had connection, but maybe i am naive...what do you think of his behaviour?" You are being naive. Listen, when your friends and co-workers tell you that a guy is a player,... (read in full...)

How do I ask him 'what we are?' Where do you think our relationship stands?

Q.   I haven't dated before (own personal choice) so this is new to me. After lot of coaxing, I joined Tinder. I met a guy there and we exchanged numbers after two weeks of casual texting. He makes me laugh, actually cares, puts in effort to meet me, ...

A.   8 September 2017: How do i ask him 'what we are?' WARNING: You need to be very careful with HOW you make that question, or you can drive him away. Get your facts straight, and analyze coldly any evidence or clues he has given to you. Don't be very aggressive, don'... (read in full...)

I'm tired of being the other woman and need to break things off but how?

Q.   I once met a guy that by just shaking hands with, I forgot my existence, I don't know why or how but before even knowing his name I felt something so strong inside me that made my legs weak. Anyways, I got to know him and you know the rest, I fell ...

A.   8 September 2017: NO. There is no way of breaking that without someone getting hurt. You are very young and you have a lot to live. Staying attached to a married man will only make you loose your youth with someone that may never love you back as you want and nee... (read in full...)

Why did it hurt so much seeing him with another girl if we are just friends and I don't have feelings for him?

Q.   Why did it hurt so much seeing him with another girl if we are just friends and I don't have feelings for him? I'm talking about my guy friend. I don't know if friend is the right word, we've known eachother forward nearly two years and always...

A.   8 September 2017: It's called JEALOUSY, and we all are sick from that disease, but some have that disease more severe than others. You felt that way because it's a friend (with benefits) of yours, and you felt threatened of seeing him talk with other girl. It's... (read in full...)

Job not how I thought, girlfriend dumping me

Q.   I'm having problem at work and I'm not enjoying it currently, ive had time off because of the stress it's caused and my assistant boss doesn't seem to want to leave me alone and he's up my backside every five minutes. I work for a sports company and ...

A.   8 September 2017: I think that you should go to therapy man. You are in a path to self destruction, which will leave you in a worst situation than the one you are right now. What if you got into a fight with a guy with a gun, or part of a gang, and you got crippled... (read in full...)

How should this family go about dividing my late Grandmother's jewelry?

Q.   My family is dividing my grandmother's jewelery this weekend. The divide is between my mother (daughter), my cousin (granddaughter), me (granddaughter), and my cousin's 15 year old (great-granddaughter). My mom insists that my grandmother told her ...

A.   7 September 2017: When it comes to the assets of people who passed away, there is always people that feel entitled to the whole enchilada. The fairest thing to do in here would be to split equally, regardless of your mother's tantrums. The one that should be t... (read in full...)

What's with the condoms? Is he lying to me?

Q.   Hello, My fiancé and I been together for almost 6 years and about 2 years ago I've found a condom in his jacket pocket and I asked him about it and he told me it was from us from the beginning of us dating. And now I found another condom in his ...

A.   7 September 2017: O.o Not to be paranoid, but it's a red flag. The condom in his jacket sounds legit (we all find crazy stuff on our jacket pockets), but now in his wallet? Do you know that condoms have expiration dates? I think you should check the expiration d... (read in full...)

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