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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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What's it like dating someone with a young child?
Q. I'm currently seeing (nothing official yet) a guy who has a young kid, 3 years old. I never really wanted any kids of my own but I am really starting to fall for this guy and I think he feels the same way. I'm not good with kids, not because I don't ...
A. 31 May 2019: I was a single mom when my daughter was only 2. If he has full custody then his life revolves around his child AS IT SHOULD BE. It means your life really isn't your own and the majority of the time is spent making sure that your child is happy, fed ... (read in full...)
She thanked me, said she had a good time but also said she is not looking for anything serious
Q. I matched and got talking to a girl on a online dating app.. Few messages later went out for dinner. Holy smokes she is stunning. I don’t have a clue how it went. She kept thanking me and saying she had a good time. But also said she is not looking ...
A. 31 May 2019: Take her words at face value. She's not looking for anything serious. She doesn't wish to date you. Apparently she's not willing to waste time and apparently didn't feel a spark. Be grateful she isn't going to waste your time. NEXT! ... (read in full...)
Seeing my ex at works makes it hard for me to make a decision about my job future. Do I follow my heart or my head?
Q. I've posted on here a few times about a relationship I had with my colleague that went south to say the least! We currently only speak with each other about work (barely even that). I basically see him and see red! I didn't behave well after the ...
A. 30 May 2019: I realize it may be hard right now to see the man, but I wouldn't leave a great job because of him. Great jobs are too hard to come by. I'd try really hard to find a way to cope with him and move on. Is he worth you running away from a place that ... (read in full...)
What is the average age for first time sex for a girl?
Q. how old is the average age when a girl has sex for the first time?? ...
A. 28 May 2019: First of all OP I find it puzzling that you can write on here but you couldn't google it? Just seemed an easy enough question.
The average age at first intercourse in the United States is currently 17 years old, with only 16 percent of teens ha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend dumped me he said he couldn't be himself with me
Q. Dear cupid, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, like every couple weve had our ups and downs but love each other greatly. We were living together and decided to not renew our lease because we wanted to buy a house together s...
A. 21 May 2019: I realize that this had to hurt OP. I'm sure it wasn't what you were wanting or expecting to hear BUT...long term he has done you a favor. What if you had married him? You are who you are and shouldn't have to change. He couldn't accept things about ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to deal with people who ignore other's worries while making theirs sound worse than they are
Q. How do you all deal with people who like to make a mountain out of their molehill and when they encounter people who have actually overcome a mountain they act uncomfortable or belittle that person's experience? It's so upsetting to have a serious ...
A. 20 May 2019: Some people are so involved in their own lives that they can't imagine anyone but themselves having problems. They may lack compassion or understanding unless it is related to THEM. Its a ME ME ME world...and you will not be able to make people like ... (read in full...)
My husband looks at young women in porn and tells me I should just be happy he's still having sex with me despite my shortcomings
Q. My husband looks at porn of women around 18- 20 . I’m entering menopause and feeling extremely depressed about my changes to my body such as less elasticity and lubrication wrinkles etc . I’m fit and healthy but nothing makes me as young as the ...
A. 17 May 2019: Sorry but I'd be out the door. Your husband is rude and insensitive. Who should have to put up with that? I doubt if the ladies would be knocking down his door if he were free. I realize if you start throwing snide remarks back at him it might start ... (read in full...)
My husband takes very little interest in my life and I feel deeply unhappy unloved and lonely in my marriage
Q. My husband takes very little interest in my life . I’ve noticed that although I enquire about his day and things in his life he rarely asks about mine . If I have an appointment he will rarely remember . Today is a perfect example . He was going to ...
A. 14 May 2019: Has your marriage always been this way or is this something that has happened recently? You don't mention how long you've been married and that can make a difference. Marriages take work and if one or both people stop trying and become indifferent ... (read in full...)
How do you deal with getting older and society treating you like you are invisible?
Q. Just looking for a little advice on how to deal with getting older as anwoman and losing looks and it seems visibility in society . Some seem to say enjoy the invisibility but I find it heartbreaking when I’m basically ignored say in a store for a ...
A. 12 May 2019: I think its all about in the way you look at things OP. I am in your age range and I have never felt like you feel. I enjoyed my youth and I took care of myself and had male attention sometimes too much and to be honest, it made me uncomfortable. I ... (read in full...)
Just found out he cheated the entire relationship. Should I give him chance?
Q. I have been dating my current boyfriend for 3 years now. Our families have meshed and we've gone on many trips together, have gone through many experiences and have even told each other I love you half a year into our relationship. He lives on...
A. 12 May 2019: This is a no brainer for me OP. I wouldn't even consider staying with a man who had cheated on me for 3 years. I'd be out the door, block him and moving on. There is no respect and you shouldn't trust him anymore than you could throw him. He'd be ... (read in full...)
I ended the affair but the man I was involved with is blackmailing me into talking to him threatening me that he'll tell my husband
Q. I’m a married woman but was going through a really bad patch with my husband and I started to get depression... while I was going through that I started chatting to a man online... we met and started an affair.... he knew I was married.... anyway he ...
A. 11 May 2019: OP, you made a mistake but instead of owning up to it you are running and hiding and then getting defensive to us after you asked for advice. You are letting this man control you and instead of taking control of this situation you are sitting back ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but has a girlfriend. How do I get her out of the picture?
Q. I’ve been dating a friend that I have known for over 30 years. Only thing is that he has a girlfriend. He has been with her since August 2016. My husband passed away in 2017 early and he has been there for me. We started seeing each other in Late ...
A. 11 May 2019: OP I am sorry that you lost your husband that had to be very difficult for you and I'm sure that it felt nice to have someone to lean on. The sad part is that your friend took advantage of you and is continuing to do so. In times of grief, people ... (read in full...)
I've been a mistress for a long time and am starting to get bored with it all.
Q. Hi guys. I've been a mistress for a long time. I can't really talk to people about this. But I'd like to know if it's normal to grow tired of being in a "relationship" which never grows or evolves? I am feeling tired of being a sex toy. Tired of ...
A. 9 May 2019: OP you have the power to walk away anytime. There is no marriage license, no shared property, no children so it should be relatively easy to just end things. If you are bored and don't like being a man's sex toy then just end it.
I will be hones... (read in full...)
Is this relationship even worth it?
Q. Hello and thanks So my fiancé and I have been together over two years. He has cheated in the past and I forgave him. Lately our relationship has been strained he has been irritable with me , less affectionate as well. I began t...
A. 8 May 2019: I doubt if he's worth it OP. You know the expression "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"?? This is where you are at. Yes, I do believe in giving someone a second chance. Sometimes people just screw up. Yes people can change. ... (read in full...)
I want to hear from you - especially the male ‘aunts’ - if you think he likes me?!?
Q. I'm really confused and need your help. Sorry, buckle in... it's gonna be a bit long but the details are important. I promise. I started University in August, and my major is really small. There's this really shy/quiet guy in my major, so he's e...
A. 7 May 2019: Put yourself in the place of the girlfriend. What if the guy in question was YOUR boyfriend. How would you feel knowing some other girl wanted him? I doubt if you'd be too happy. So do the right thing, accept that he's a friend he has a girlfriend ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girlfriend her bed isn't comfortable?
Q. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a few months. So far everything has gone great. The problem I have is that I think her bed is super uncomfortable. Her mattress is a 3 inch thick piece of foam. Her blanket is 4 or 5 layers of thin blankets that ...
A. 5 May 2019: "Hey honey I would love to stay with you but I'm afraid your bed isn't quite as comfortable as I'd like. Why don't we go out and see if we can find something that will be comfortable for both of us? My treat."
Honeypie made excellent suggesti... (read in full...)
My friend lead me on, flirted a lot with me.. then ditched me for another girl forgetting that I existed. I feel hurt and embarrassed, help?
Q. So I'm 25 and I've been friends with this guy for about a year, he's in my friendship group and he previously had a girlfriend, nothing ever happened between us and previously i always just saw him as a friend. Anyway he broke up with his girlfriend ...
A. 4 May 2019: Fake it till you make it. Pretend like it didn't mean much and never talk about it or let it show that he hurt you. He'll never know if you don't let on. Lick your wounds in private and just act like it was no big deal. It hurts now and its ... (read in full...)
Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?
Q. I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...
A. 3 May 2019: OP, I agree with you that some of the comments are not so nice, some even rude but the MAJORITY of us on here are just stating what we believe to be the honest truth. I was not trying to be unkind or demeaning to you in my comment but the fact is ... (read in full...)
Do they really have these outrageous bills in Nigeria?
Q. I have wrote here before. I had some good advice. It was about my Nigerian husband. I mentioned his mood swings , and I’m unable to ask any questions without his temper flaring up. Ai also mentioned his spending ways and his expections that ...
A. 2 May 2019: Wake up and smell the coffee honey...you are being scammed....that money he's begging for isn't being used for bills...at least not like he says. How long are you going to continue to keep the rose colored glasses on? Read on the internet about ... (read in full...)
I had sex with another man because its what my husband wanted and now he's mad
Q. How can I fix my marriage? We are married 5yrs and both age 27. For 2yrs my husbby has had a fantasy for me to fuck a hung man. I have resisted. We have used this as fantasy sex talk. Fri night we went out together to a bar and met friends. Later ...
A. 28 April 2019: Be careful what you wish for. What you may THINK you want may not be what you really want at all.
This situation has disaster written all over and I agree with the other aunts/uncles your marriage will probably not survive this.
You humiliate... (read in full...)
He's 30 years older than me and doesn't want sex as much as I do
Q. I’m engaged to a man 30 years older than me. We’ve been together seven years almost eight. The only thing we’ve had minor discussions about is sex. I want sex more often than him. We’ve never done it twice in one day even! He’s the only man I’ve had ...
A. 25 April 2019: This is one of the downsides of marrying someone quite abit older than you. You are in your sexual prime and he is probably experiencing possible erectile dysfunction, lowered libido and honestly other than Viagara not sure what can be done to solve ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with me? I've always been conditioned to want certain things out of life but none of them fit my idea of my most honest self
Q. How can I accept who I am? for the last 30 years all I have been conditioned to want is 1. Get married 2. Buy a house 3. Make babies and compete with your neighbor to show who is happier - fancier - richer etc . My family is quite dysfunc...
A. 21 April 2019: Its called choices OP. Here in the USA we are lucky enough to get to make most of our own choices, others in the world are not so lucky. Why do you think you need to follow along with the crowd and do something just because everyone else (you ... (read in full...)
Does my post break up regret suggest we should stay together?
Q. Hi guys, I feel at a dilemma here. I have been in a relationship with my current BF for 5 months now. I am 26, he is 26. I have asked questions about this relationship on here in the past, basically not wanting to deal with his issues. Most ad...
A. 18 April 2019: The kindest thing you can do is either end it for good or stay with him. This breaking up and getting back together just to break up isn't good for either of you and truly isn't fair to him. I am sure it is making his anxiety even worse. Honestly I ... (read in full...)
One night stand why didn't he call back
Q. To make a long story short, I had sex with a guy from my office last week and he bailed right after. I noticed he had been staring at me over the last several weeks, but we were never introduced. At a late office party at a hotel last week (where I ...
A. 17 April 2019: OP, I have been on this website for a very long time, probably longer than 99% of the people on here. I have moderated thousands of posts. I don't know why you are acting like you don't know what a one night stand is? YOU made the title for your ... (read in full...)
I’m afraid his drinking will kill him—am I overreacting by giving him this ultimatum?
Q. Hi, My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He is an excessive drinker and over the years I have done everything to help him. He was recently diagnosed with heart failure and i blame myself for not doing more to stop him.When he was ...
A. 16 April 2019: I was married to an alcoholic for years. Their biggest game plans are lies and denial. They absolutely cannot accept that they are addicted and will play their every card like they have a winning hand. I tried EVERYTHING to get my husband to quit. ... (read in full...)
I have read some horrible things about a singer I loved. Should I stop listening to his music?
Q. I have really enjoyed listening to this person's music ever since I was around 10 , I danced to all his songs and sung them on karaoke at weddings and bought his albums . I have a full bookshelf full of all his greatest hits . He is not alive ...
A. 16 April 2019: I am not sure which singer you are referring to but I can tell you that I have the same feelings about MJ. He was just a few years older than me and I watched and listened to his music since he was very little. I get a pang in my heart now every ... (read in full...)
Adult son's fiance is too old for him
Q. My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...
A. 15 April 2019: OP, I truly do understand what you and your wife are feeling. As I stated before, my son is 31 and if brought home a woman almost 70 (I am 57) I know I would be thinking "WHAT THE HELL???" It would be hard to wrap my head around it. I get it. I am ... (read in full...)
Adult son's fiance is too old for him
Q. My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...
A. 15 April 2019: As a mother, I truly understand where you are coming from. I have a 30 year old son and if he brought home a woman older than me, I am sure I would be shocked at first. I love my son though and I want him to be happy so I would try my hardest to ... (read in full...)
Could this teenage boy be having a CRUSH on me?
Q. Do teenage lads get crushes on middle aged female authority figures? This is a bizarre situation and you can rest assured nothing will be acted upon - but as a female tutor in her late 40s I work with young men of teenage years aged about 16 or...
A. 14 April 2019: Absolutely he could have a crush on you. Teenage boys often have fantasies about being with an "older" woman. Watch the situation carefully and never let yourself get into a compromising situation with any of the young males. You are being smart ... (read in full...)
I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew
Q. My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...
A. 13 April 2019: This is a sad situation from any angle that you look at it. I'm not too sure that anyone is really going to come out the winner. Someone is going to have to make a sacrifice and it looks like no party wants to do so. Out of everyone involved, being ... (read in full...)
How can I resolve these emotions with my parents?
Q. How can I put this bad episode in my life past me? I am in my early thirties and am living at home hiding my life from my family and everyone around me . I grew up in an old school Italian family where appearance was everything . My parents ...
A. 9 April 2019: I have a similar history with my mother. Years and years of never feeling good enough no matter what, being mocked, scolded and shamed in front of friends, husbands and children. I had to let go. I had to accept that sadly that was who my mother was ... (read in full...)
I still resent the way my husband proposed to me.
Q. I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see ...
A. 9 April 2019: OP, I do understand that you aren't happy with the way you were proposed to. It showed very little initiation or romance and I think most ladies would have been disappointed. I get that. You did say yes though. You didn't have to. It was 6 years ago ... (read in full...)
How do I chose the one to spend my life with?
Q. i got into so much mess its driving me insane. I cant find my way anymore im in two long term relationships one of 21 years and one of 2 years I don't know what to do. I cant seem to make a choice through uncertainty, feeling scared of the pain and ...
A. 8 April 2019: I honestly don't even know why you posted on here OP. We have given advice and you apparently don't like it and just keep saying "Its too hard to decide." Not its not. You don't want to decide. You like the excitement and drama of having 2 men. Give ... (read in full...)
I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me!
Q. Hi To keep a long story short, I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me, her parents and a few of her other friends. It's the first time I've seen her since she rejected me a few weeks ago. We're trying to be friends but i just ...
A. 8 April 2019: Pretend that you are an actor and this a role you are playing. FAKE IT darling....As Honeypie suggested, make sure you look your best and act as though everything in your world is perfectly fine and you didn't even skip a beat over her rejection. Of ... (read in full...)
How do I chose the one to spend my life with?
Q. i got into so much mess its driving me insane. I cant find my way anymore im in two long term relationships one of 21 years and one of 2 years I don't know what to do. I cant seem to make a choice through uncertainty, feeling scared of the pain and ...
A. 7 April 2019: Your situation brings to mind the 1976 hit "Torn between 2 lovers" feeling like a fool, loving both of you is breaking all the rules...."
If it was me, I'd probably go with option C..end it with both of them and start over with someone else.
... (read in full...)
I have a crush on my boss - How do I get over it, and fast?
Q. Hi there - thank you for reading... So I am a Personal Assistant (Secretary in some countries) and I have a really good working relationship with my boss. My issue is that I have started dreaming about him and have started to develop a bit of...
A. 6 April 2019: You have already been given great advice so I will just reiterate. Its a job you are there to work get paid and that's it. Its not the place to flirt date and get involved with a worker so you can become the water cooler gossip. Restrain yourself ... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend wants me to pretend to be his daughter.
Q. I dont think age should matter in a true loving relationship. My dad thinks otherwise and so I have moved out and anto my bf's place a few months ago. Although he is about 10 years older than me he is just so adorable. I like so love him to pieces ...
A. 5 April 2019: He has a fetish. People do all kinds of things in privacy and its pretty much "as long as no one gets hurt" attitude for most people. If you are ok with him acting out this way, who are we to stop you?
Some food for thought though and you may ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me, was violent but it now feels things are back on track. So why am I not happy?
Q. I really don't know how I feel anymore, my head is all over the place and I'm so mixed up. I've been with my boyfriend for 8years. When we first met things moved very fast and I knew i loved him very early on. We had what I thought was the perfect ...
A. 30 March 2019: OP, I want you to sit down and read your post as if it had been written by your daughter, your sister, your best friend..or any female that you care about. What kind of advice would you give them?? THINK THAT OVER VERY CAREFULLY.
I bet you woul... (read in full...)
Is my fiance's treatment of me emotional abuse?
Q. Hi I have been with my fiancée for over two years. Usually he’s charming and sweet. He has a mean streak though. He feels entitled like I should pay for everything cause he makes less money. If we have a disagreement. He says to shut up ...
A. 29 March 2019: OP, if there is one thing that I could instill in your way of thinking, it would be this. It doesn't matter what anyone else around you thinks, if you are in a relationship and feel mistreated or unhappy in any way, its ok to walk away. Who cares ... (read in full...)
What kind of body language is this?
Q. Can anyone tell me what type of body language the following comes across in a male (apart from just being a comfortable position). I was sat next to a male friend on a sofa, he had chosen to sit next to me when there were other chairs in the ro...
A. 28 March 2019: Rude behavior from a man who clearly didn't want to share the couch and didn't care if you knew it or not. He was basically daring you to sit there.... (read in full...)
I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...
A. 26 March 2019: Sorry sweets but I seriously doubt if you are going to find anyone on here that will agree that you should be allowed to have a sleepover with a boy when you are 16. It doesn't matter how innocent you may make it sound or what religion the parents ... (read in full...)
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