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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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My husband cheated while we were separated
Q. Hi, I have been married for 14 years now and have a 11 year old son. I walked out of his home 7 years back when I couldnt get along with his parents and he wasnt ready to live separately with ME. He would come and see me and my son on weekends. But ...
A. 4 September 2018: A little bit of friendly advice here. Stop holding onto anger and resentment. You pushed your husband away and then forbid him from seeing his son, hanging on to a marriage that is dead and upset because your husband is seeing someone else when you ... (read in full...)
He'll do anything .... except come fishin'
Q. My family are a big fishing family (both my side and my husband's family loves fishing). We tried to teach our children to love fishing. We have three children and three grandchildren. Our youngest son, Justin, is 33 years old and he hates fis...
A. 26 August 2018: Speaking from one mother to another (I am your age and have a son your age)...back off mom. I realize the whole idea that you want the whole family to be there but your son doesn't want to go and won't be happy there. So why are you pushing it? No, ... (read in full...)
Do people change? He wants me to accept he has and wants to have another baby!
Q. After years of my husband being very neglectful , toxic, drunkard and bullheaded.. i decided to stop caring and do my own other things.. Now that he has realized that i might leave the relationship...he says he agrees with me about everythi...
A. 21 August 2018: People change because they want to change, not because someone wants them to change. Its difficult to change as a person, it takes much hard work and its very easy to slip back into who you are, who you are comfortable being whether its a good or ... (read in full...)
I am neglected and forgotten by family and friends! How do I accept this?
Q. I've had a very difficult childhood, i suffered from physical and emotional abuse by my dad, I've been bullied, people always made fun of me and the way i am by calling me a weirdo (because i was doing art that represented my feelings). I've lost ...
A. 18 August 2018: I can understand where you are coming from. Its really hard when the people that should love you the most aren't there for you and don't seem to care. I have always had that problem in my family. I moved 1/2 way across the country from my family ... (read in full...)
Am I having these doubts because the honeymoon phase is over and we've been together for 8 years? Or am I with the wrong person?
Q. I am really struggling with myself at the moment. I don't know whether my doubts are justified or if I'm just having some sort of quarter life crisis. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 16 and at school!) and ...
A. 17 August 2018: The person you are at 16 isn't the person that you are 8 years later. We all change, and dating someone at 16 may have been perfect, but it doesn't mean that the relationship will stay that way. I caution people to date only one person and marry ... (read in full...)
My husband lies and the trust is gone.
Q. I just recently found out that my husband has been in touch with an old girlfriend .. email.. and had sent her $200 for her birthday and $400 last Christmas .. and he refuses to put my name on his bank account... I saw all of this on his email .. ...
A. 16 August 2018: I think you have already decided what you need to do but are feeling a little hesitant to go forward so let me give you the little push you need. In 3 years time he has been 1. deceptive 2. secretive 3. more than likely cheating. What else do you ... (read in full...)
How do I get past this abusive false relationship and move on?
Q. I left an emotionally abusive relationship. I thought we were head over heels in love but it was just false. He lead me on and tried to use me financially and to help him with his kids. I fell for it for about 2 months. Tried to work things out but ...
A. 13 August 2018: OP, don't be so hard on yourself. Many a woman has been bamboozled by a sweet talking man. It happens all the time sadly. As the other lovely aunts have said the most important part is that got out without extensive damage. You seen him for what he ... (read in full...)
He’s chubby and it turns me off!
Q. So I went for a date with this guy on Monday and it went gd, he's asked me to go to a wine tasting evening after he comes back from holiday with his parents in a fortnight. However, he’s cute (he’s half French and has the accent), has a h...
A. 12 August 2018: You aren't attracted to him physically. That happens. Most of us have a preference in looks as to what WE find attractive. Its not a crime, its just how it is. Don't try to make yourself attracted to him no matter how nice he is..it won't work. ... (read in full...)
Two guys and I'm confused about which one to pick
Q. Hi guys! I am starting to date again after the end of my 6-year relationship that ended last year. This has never been a problem of mine before, but I am currently seeing two guys. Guy 1: 10 years older (35), is decently successful in h...
A. 10 August 2018: I agree totally with wiseowl. You shouldn't have to agonize over someone. You either feel something for them or you don't. If you have to ask other people or make lists ect..then neither one is really right for you. Its just that simple... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I am after her sister. How do I convince her that is silly?
Q. My wife's sister is a year older than she is. Overall, I have never known them to be competitive or jealous. Recently, her sister got a job at my place of employment. I played a part (but only a part) in getting her the job, which resulted in her g...
A. 6 August 2018: The situation might seem silly to you but can't you see that your wife might be feeling jealous? threatened? Sibling rivalry does exist. Her sister now has a job making more than her, she works with you and the two of you are going out to lunch ... (read in full...)
My husband slapped me on the face because he didn't like what I was wearing and I wouldn't change
Q. 3 years ago, i thought i met the love of my life. I've been in the US for 4 years, since I've been working there i met this man, we got into a relationship and after 1 year, he proposed to me. I was madly in love with him. Since we got married, he ...
A. 5 August 2018: I lived this life with my ex husband. I knew he had a temper, seen him punch holes in walls, break windows but never thought he would turn on me. At 19, I was very naive. We had only been married for a few months when he got angry and slapped me. I ... (read in full...)
I just moved into a new rental apartment and now I realise that my creepy stalker of 3 years ago lives here too!
Q. Help! I’ve just moved rental apartments and have found out (via over hearing something at work) my Facebook stalker/creepy guy lives here too!? He stalked me three yrs ago and asked me out 3 times over fb, to which I said no! He’s weird and cree...
A. 5 August 2018: I can understand your concerns but as youcannotbeserious said, he might be just as freaked out as you are to discover you are in the areas he was in first! I would just try to enjoy your new place and just live your life. IF he would approach you ... (read in full...)
Suspicious texts, long trips to the toilet and deleting his browsing history. Is my boyfriend cheating?
Q. Me and My Boyfriend have been together for 5 years. In that time we've had alot of difficult times with trust. My Boyfriend has had a few wired texts in the past saying this like "Hey baby wanna come over". He said he doesn't know who they are. I ...
A. 4 August 2018: You know the old saying "If it walk like a duck...quacks like a duck....its probably a duck". Never ignore those little warning bells and the little voice in your head telling you something wrong. It probably is. Its hard to say for sure but usually ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cannot stand up to his family and is commiting fraud!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating two years, living together, and discussing marriage for a couple months now. We have always acknowledged and accepted our differences in family culture however they have not affected us until now, and I am ...
A. 3 August 2018: Many people make the mistake of thinking that they can change someone. Its usually a mistake that can actually end a relationship. Don't make that mistake. Your boyfriend is how he is, and tbh..it sounds like blood is thicker than water in this case ... (read in full...)
Are my parents right to punish me with a prison type punishment ?
Q. IS IT RIGHT THAT MY PARENTS HAVE PUT ME IN PRISON ? AND ARE THEY BEING MEAN FOR NOT LETTING ME GO OUT INTO OUR GARDEN ? I got caught shoplifting, my parents said they don't want to see me go to jail, so are punishing me severely, they h...
A. 29 July 2018: You are looking at this through the eyes of the wronged but you must see that you did something wrong, and you actually wronged your parents not the other way around! Stealing is a crime, you can go to jail for it. Your parents are trying to teach ... (read in full...)
Are cheaters ever unhappy? They seem to be winning it all...a wife at home and a mistress outside!
Q. Are cheaters ever unhappy? I work in the entertainment industry and work long hours - lately my video editor and I have been working on an editing project and during lunch hours he basically confided that he has had an External affair with another ...
A. 28 July 2018: PS..cheaters usually wind up losing their mate, their home and full time with their kids if they have them. Certainly doesn't sound worth it to me. And forget about anyone respecting them.... (read in full...)
Are cheaters ever unhappy? They seem to be winning it all...a wife at home and a mistress outside!
Q. Are cheaters ever unhappy? I work in the entertainment industry and work long hours - lately my video editor and I have been working on an editing project and during lunch hours he basically confided that he has had an External affair with another ...
A. 28 July 2018: If you are smart you will keep things strictly professional with this man, he's not a great guy and like they always say..if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you. I wouldn't say cheaters are happy..as honeypie says..why would they be cheating ... (read in full...)
Fallen for a hook up does he like me?
Q. I hooked up with this guy and really really like him! I had had his number for a while but never met up then one day I just said let’s meet. We met, slept together we spoke a little, he told me some of his likes little bit about his family, ...
A. 27 July 2018: He liked you enough to have sex. He'll probably like you again if he wants sex but other than that OP, you sort of screwed up any hopes of a real relationship. Its fine if you want to have FWB relationship but you need to understand the basic fact ... (read in full...)
I'm too shy to tell my boyfriend that some dominant sex acts are painful to me
Q. My boyfriend have always been into dominant sex. Recently, he was asking me to slap him during sex, i found it really odd but i did anyways. We do love each other, however, his dominance in bed is sometimes painful. Im too shy to tell him to calm ...
A. 25 July 2018: OP, you have to find a way to tell him that you don't enjoy what is going on sexually. I agree 100% with Tisha-1. If you are too shy to talk to him about sex then you shouldn't be having sex. End of story. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for BOTH ... (read in full...)
I'm sitting here alone and pregnant, can I get any advice?
Q. I dated this guy for almost six months during the time I got pregnant.Issues between me and his mom became apparent when she and her daughter begin writting shady comments on my fb page I finally confront both of them and his mom end up call me a ...
A. 18 July 2018: It sounds like the two of you didn't know each other very well, you got pregnant very early in the relationship it added stress, and he is a grown man who acts like a child and lets his mother and sister tell him what to do, and he's lazy.
Focus... (read in full...)
I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!
Q. So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...
A. 11 July 2018: I understand that your pride has been wounded..but think very carefully about EVERYTHING she said and don't focus on the one part that hurt you. She said she would never cheat on you and that the guy was a douche bag. THAT is what you need to focus ... (read in full...)
I'm married he's married why can't I just walk away?
Q. I am married and have been with a married man for 4 and a half years. He has continually asked me to marry him, sent me houses online and tells me that we are ‘one’ and meant to be . I have asked him to leave and be with me and he says he is not ...
A. 9 July 2018: The other aunts have nailed it so I'm just going to add my own thoughts. He isn't leaving his wife because he doesn't want to. He probably never will leave her. You are the little side dish, the forbidden desert that he can have and meanwhile he ... (read in full...)
I cheated and want to fix my relationship, but how?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, since I was 23. He is a wonderful person. I love him, he loves me, and we've always worked so well together. We've never had any problems beyond whose turn it is to do the dishes. ...
A. 3 July 2018: OP, don't kid yourself. You knew what it was all leading up to and you let it happen. Anonymous123 let you have it and its exactly what you needed to hear. She's spot on. You may love your boyfriend but I don't think you are in love with him ... (read in full...)
What if they award the golf match to him?
Q. It never ceases to amaze me how rude and arrogant some people can be... I have to play a match in a golf tournament.The match has to be played by July 29th (4 weeks time). I had agreed to play it on July 1st, but 2 days prior I had a personal s...
A. 1 July 2018: Is there some kind of prize? Award? Money? If not, then is it honestly worth getting all worked up over? I agree its not right that the other guy is being so mean and aggressive to you, not willing to compromise but maybe you just need to let it go? ... (read in full...)
Everything was perfect... until he lost his nan!
Q. Hello everyone. My boyfriend and I had been together almost five months but have been friends for about a year. We had the most amazing relationship. We both had said that we had a stronger bond than we'd ever had with anyone else. We tackled any ...
A. 30 June 2018: OP, I'm sorry that you are going through this. When someone we love is hurting, we want to reach out and comfort them, do everything we can to make them feel better. Everyone has to grieve in their own way, in their own time. Some people cannot ... (read in full...)
What do I do when I'm not ready for this to be over and fear that's what will happen if I told him I read that?
Q. Even my boyfriend and I got together, he told me "You can read my diaries, but do not tell me about it." When I asked about it he said it's because he wants to be understood, but he doesn't want anyone to read his deepest thoughts. So, after his ex ...
A. 30 June 2018: There are so many red flags in this relationship OP, its really sad. I truly hope you will take the advice of all the wonderful aunts/uncles who have written before me. Everything that has been already said I will say "Ditto". He is playing mind ... (read in full...)
Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?
Q. I plan to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to let him know until I delete all our photos together from his phone. Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone? I never wanted to take pictures with him in the first place because I ...
A. 26 June 2018: whoa..put yourself in his place. Would you like it if he did that to you? If anyone did that to you? I think not. Be mature, break up with him but don't be sneaky and underhanded. Its his phone, not yours and unless he gave you permission to do ... (read in full...)
How do I ask for a sex toy?
Q. I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...
A. 24 June 2018: If your dad can't handle you saying you aren't going to live at home forever I highly doubt he will take it well that you want a sex toy. I'd wager a guess he will totally freak out. I agree with Aunty BimBam this would be an extremely uncomfortable ... (read in full...)
I ask women I sleep with about their opinion on abortion because I don't want kids. How do I know the girl I'm seeing is on the same page?
Q. So I met a wonderful girl online and we hit it off really well. We kissed on the first date, had lunch on the second, and ended up sleeping with each other on the third when she invited me over to her apartment for pizza and a movie. We used ...
A. 22 June 2018: OP, I understand where you are coming from and its great that you are upfront about your views. One thing you may not be aware of though as other aunts have stated is that abortion is truly a very big deal to most women. Its not like going to get a ... (read in full...)
The death of my pet caused me to perform terribly at work!
Q. Hi everyone. This is a coworker relationship question. Nothing romantic. Just wasn't sure where to go to ask this as I like going here. I started this job about two months ago. It is a unique job. Without getting into too many details, I...
A. 16 June 2018: First of all, I am sorry for the loss of your pet. No matter what pet a person has, they love it, its a member of their family and it is hurtful when the pet passes. I lost my cat of 18 years to cancer 2 years ago and there are times when I still ... (read in full...)
Me and my dad's friend want to take it to the next level
Q. Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's ...
A. 15 June 2018: Bad idea all the way around but if you are going to do it, why don't the two of you go to your dad TOGETHER and talk about it. I honestly don't see this whole scenario ending very well. Its not cool on so many levels! ... (read in full...)
Should I just resign myself to the fact that my looks are going bye bye?
Q. This isn't a relationship question, but it's been weighing heavily on my mind and heart lately. I know that I'm setting myself up to be judged because I'll be perceived as "vain," or "shallow," but I have a huge dilemma because this is causing my ...
A. 10 June 2018: OP your post made me really sad. I feel so sorry for you that you have such a low negative opinion of yourself! Don't you know that a woman can and is beautiful at ANY age??? Its all about your attitude and how you carry yourself.
Yes its true... (read in full...)
Love triangle--why is he good to her and pushes me away when I am the one who is always there for him?
Q. Ok here it goes. I have been seeing this guy now off and on for almost 3 yrs. But he treats me so horrible. There is another women involved. I'm the one that is always there for him no matter what. But now he is in jail and the first time I bail him ...
A. 9 June 2018: OP, you are being treated this way by the man because you are allowing him to do so. Apparently the other woman doesn't let him take advantage of her and perhaps in his weird twisted way he admire that in her? You bend over backwards to help him, he ... (read in full...)
How should I handle finding these texts?
Q. Some back story: My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. Aside from a few normal bumps and turns in the road, our relationship has been quite a breeze. We started off in a very unconventional way, though. I actually had a fling ...
A. 8 June 2018: Bottom line is that if you don't trust your partner and have the tingling spidey sensation telling you to snoop, investigate whatever you want to call it...things are not good. Honeypie gave fabulous advice. Your boyfriend sounds very immature and ... (read in full...)
Have you ever felt perplexed by a person's disinterest towards you?
Q. To keep it short, I've been having sex with this guy for almost 2 years. I'm fine that it's not a relationship. Things have been good, but there is one thing that's been on my mind. Firstly, yes, we always talk before sex, he'll sometimes tak...
A. 7 June 2018: You're in a FWB what do you expect? He's in it for sex and apparently that's ALL. He doesn't care about you, just the sex. If you can't handle the coldness you shouldn't be in the relationship..its as simple as that... (read in full...)
Is she interested? Or did she just want a little bit of fun?
Q. Try to keep this brief! Male, 44, been single eight years (I don't want children or to be a step parent, which makes it very difficult). Have several female friends, one of whom is 47 and been single eight months and has been away studying fo...
A. 5 June 2018: She doesn't know what she wants but she trust you very much as a friend and somehow she knows you won't push your advantage. I caution you to be careful with your heart because she really is sending out mixed signals and there no way any of us can ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is stingy, what should I do?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 8 months now and he doesn't get me anything, he doesn't buy me gifts, he doesn't give me money when am in need,and whenever I complain to him about it he always complain that he doesn't have money but yet he always ...
A. 2 June 2018: OP, you are young and sound immature. You shouldn't be expecting your boyfriend to buy you gifts. Maybe he doesn't have the money either! Its not his job or his responsibility to buy you things. I agree that you sound like you want a sugar daddy. ... (read in full...)
I’ve made an ultimatum for my cheating husband. Is it reasonable?
Q. Hello Cupids, Short question. My husband, who I have been with for 13 years, compulsively cheats on me. Last time, I kicked him out and begged him to get therapy, which he said he would. He didn’t, but kept telling me he planned to. Things got b...
A. 31 May 2018: I don't think an ultimatum will work. He's a serial cheater. He knows he can cheat and you will take him back. So STOP taking him back. Tell him this is it..one more and its OVER. You have to mean it though. It will never work if you back down every ... (read in full...)
Should I lie and say the baby is his?
Q. Ive made a mess but now ive got to grow up and sort it out. Me and my 'ex'boyfriend had a break , we didnt say what each other can or cant do and if we were going to get back together. I had a feeling he was seeing someone else but just left him to ...
A. 28 May 2018: OP don't lie. You know its not the right thing to do. I totally get that you feel alone and are afraid but considering lying about something so monumental is just wrong. Yes, you do need to "grow up" as you put it and take responsibility. That means ... (read in full...)
It drives me nuts! I can't live like she does.
Q. Does anyone else avoid thier partner? When I have time off I don’t mind, but my job has got really intense recently, I been working 10-11 hour days, and can’t sleep at night because of stress that I might lose my job. I don’t live with my partner, ...
A. 26 May 2018: Op, I see nothing in your post that says you love or need your girlfriend. You sound miserable and almost resentful. So why are you with her?? Life is too short, and spending time with a partner should be something you look forward to..not dread. ... (read in full...)
Which is more important Love or Sex??
Q. I have been married for 40 years this year. It was only 10 years ago that I discovered my husbands porn stash, he promised me he would never do it again, I believed him, only the cycle continues, he tries to hide it , I find it, he tells me he does ...
A. 23 May 2018: I would always chose love over sex. Its not that difficult to get sex if you really want it, but being loved is something precious and special, something to be cherished.
It all depends on who you are, what you have experienced in life and wher... (read in full...)
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