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... Send *omany a private message | | | *omany's profile:Hi, I'm Romany, 42 from the UK, I run my own business, from home, have 2 children, and 2 grandsons. Before I tell you why I love helping here on Dear Cupid, can I just say, this is not a dating site, I am not looking for a partner, So please do not contact me with personal details of yourself, or asking for mine, what is below is all I'm prepared to disclose. Thankyou, and sorry for that ickle rant.
I was asked what qualifies me to help people? nothing, just life lessons, and I've had alot, Pregnant at 17, Married for 13 years to childhood sweetheart who was in RAF at 8 month pregs, 2 kids by 19, cheated on 3 times, before I cheated back, with one guy for 18 months, then finally left him few years later, taking my children and running far far away, at aged 30, (for the safety of my children) We moved 8 times in as many months, cos he kept finding us.
Became bankrupt, coz I stopped working as my children got involved with unsavoury characters, they needed me and several hours of counselling, then just as things become enjoyable, my mum died.
A year later when my children were 18 and 17, and both had settled, and had become well rounded young adults. I had a mental breakdown, that was 7 years ago now, lost 8 months of my life, now I suffer with clinical depression, which I have pretty much controlled through medication, and agrophobia, which is also somewhat under control.
I have learnt to become compassionate despite the pit falls, sometimes too compassionate, but I've also learnt how to fight.
I was single for a few years after marriage breakup, and since then I've had a few long term relationships, been cheated on, and also cheated, been used, never been loose tho, and never had one night stands, Also was a mistress for 2.5 years(mainly cos of fear of attachment and committment, plus he was gorgeous and stirred things that have been dead in me for years) I regret being a mistress, and I feel guilty as hell toward his wife, we only ended because he started an affair with her best friend, and apparently this is the 3rd best friend he has done this with, but It was a blessing it ended, I wasn't really stable for relationship, I fell for him big time, but it taught me alot about heartbreak and healing.
Currently I'm single, but dating. I want the whole romance story, fall in love and live happily ever after, I wont settle for anyone though, and I dont believe that you have to fight tooth and nail to make a relationship work, if it works it works, if it dont, get out, you will survive. I also believe that if you think you've met your soul mate, but the other aint feeling it, then it aint right, move on, because I'm a big believer,that if its meant to be, it will be, fate will bring you back together someday.
I answer all questions, genuinely and sincerely, I really want to help you to find some resolution to your problems.
As for what makes me tick, my family, my friends, I surround myself with those I love, I'm quite content with my lot.
Oh, and In life I'm quiet, but on here I type alot, and use more words than neccessary. lol.
Romany. |
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I'm back with my ex but I'm worried he's still lying to me.
Q. My ex asked me back after he came back from holiday with a woman who he says he dated only once and ended the relationship on their second meeting. He also had her picture as his screen saver which was taken at her house in her kitchen and was still ...
A. 2 July 2013: Oh Amber, none of this sounds good does it.
I'm one of these people who always tries to see both sides, but he don't have a leg to stand on.
Red flags everywhere for me, he may not be seeing this woman now, but he still lied like a cheap watch, a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has lied so much in the past that I don't know if he can truly change.
Q. Guys please help! I am in a relationship with this guy for 3 years now. 1.5 years were long distance.. it was a mess. He was a casanova during his college years before he asked me out. He had nothing but girls in his life. He even lied to me about...
A. 2 July 2013: We all grow up, and when we're faced with losing something we care about, we buck up and make it right.
You used to throw fits at him, you don't anymore....so you've changed.
He lost you, he suffered, he got you back, I suspect that its been a r... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a virgin, has performance anxiety that makes me feel undesired.
Q. I'm 17, nearly 18 and I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 and a half months. I was not a virgin when I first started dating him - I lost my virginity to my ex boyfriend - but my current boyfriend is still a virgin. At the beginning of our ...
A. 2 July 2013: He is probably well aware of the way he is disappointing you, which could be why is developing stage fright. By doing all those lovely things for him, dressing up, stripping, showering, etc, its pretty much telling him that his job is to perform, ... (read in full...)
I found condoms in my girlfriends drawer but we don't use them since she is on the pill
Q. im in a 1 year 3 month long distance relationship with my girlfriend. we see each other every two months due to school and work and we live in different countries. I have been her first one and she is on the pill so we dont use any kind of ...
A. 2 July 2013: I'm with HoneyPie on this, I think she is girl after my heart, I'm always saying things like, Oh I'll keep this, as you never know if I'll need it, and I too would have stashed those free condoms in a safe place 'just in case'
Long distance... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting here? Or do men do this??
Q. Ok, my bf and I have been together for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. We've hit a rough patch the past year, where we've had more fights and just can't seem to get along as much anymore. Sometimes when I ask him a question he won't give me a full ...
A. 2 July 2013: I think your over reacting, he had just asked his brother in law Jim for a lift, who obviously said no, and so when you asked him what was happening, he talks in code, as he obviously doesn't want Jim knowing he is discussing him, and doesn't want ... (read in full...)
Worried that ex friend is vengeful after she found me on facebook.
Q. Hello dear Aunts, Thank you for being here for every problem all of us have. Well my problem is about an ex-friend of mine. She was mean and abusive (both psychological and physical abuse), so i ended the friendship and moved away about a year and...
A. 2 July 2013: Hi, Block her from facebook, and then go into your facebook privacy settings, and hide yourself from being searched for, she may have found you through email or phone number search. Also hide your friends list from public view.
... (read in full...)
How often do women wear wedding rings when they're not married?
Q. I have a question. How often do women wear wedding rings when they're not married? I know why they do it. To scare away guys who want to ask them out, or annoy them with sexual advances. It's a sneaky trick. I'm thinking of doing it myself to kee...
A. 8 February 2011: I've never heard of anyone I know wearing wedding rings to ward off men, my group of friends and I just usually growl at anyone who shows us unwanted attention. lol.
... (read in full...)
It doesn't feel normal and all of it is making me massively frustrated!
Q. Hi there, Ok I am a 40 year old Woman who has raised 3 children who are now 21, 19 and 17. I was single for 11 years so for all you single mums out there, hang on in there, I know its hard but we are women therefore stronger than we believe ourse...
A. 8 February 2011: No, your not overeacting, Your an amazingly patient woman, alot more than I'd ever be. I'm really quite shocked that this 'wonderful man' you described that you've met isn't able to see how much you are sacrificing to be with him.
Like you, I'v... (read in full...)
My husband drinks and stays out till 3.30 in the morning. Is that normal?
Q. I've been married 2.5 years..My husband is british born and loves going out to a party. but his parties are all at the pub...they start in the evening and he doesnt come home till 2.30 or sometimes 4 in the morning. Earlier, it was once a week..but ...
A. 8 February 2011: I dont think your overacting, Tisha has given you some excellent advice, and I agree that he has alcohol dependancy. The fact he is getting so obliterated is enough to make you lose respect for him, unfortunately, until he accepts he has a problem, ... (read in full...)
Can't get pregnant
Q. Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, I'm 25 and he is 29, we both have good jobs, we both have a car, we own a condo, we have a great little life, but... We want to have a baby. We have been trying for a few months, we want it ...
A. 24 December 2010: Thats fab news, congratulations!!!! Merry Xmas to you both.... (read in full...)
He just doesn't get it!
Q. Hi there , i'm the ex partner of the guy who posted 'i think i'm wrecking everyones lives ' on november the 18 . He says he has now finished with his girlfriend of the last 7 months who i caught him cheating with when i was 8 months pregnant...
A. 23 November 2010: Awww, I'm so sorry your having to deal with this, right when you should be having a blast, having a young baby, planning for his first xmas.
This guy is un-blooming-believable, he knows he is a waste of space, then continues to think of hims... (read in full...)
He just doesn't get it!
Q. Hi there , i'm the ex partner of the guy who posted 'i think i'm wrecking everyones lives ' on november the 18 . He says he has now finished with his girlfriend of the last 7 months who i caught him cheating with when i was 8 months pregnant...
A. 23 November 2010: For those wanting to help, the previous thread this OP is talking about is this
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-like-im-wreaking-everyones-lives.html... (read in full...)
Stepfather vs. Daughter with mother caught in the middle!
Q. My husband continues to nag at my 15 year old daughter. She is a slop and can be moody, but she is 15. When my daugther is not around, my husband and I get a long awesome...we never argue unless it is about her. She is a good kid (honor roll for ...
A. 23 November 2010: I can't believe you'd let your daughter go and live with her father, yeah, she may want to be at her dads, but I bet its only because she cannot live this way anymore.
Now dont get me wrong, I'm not saying that her father, or any man cannot be a gr... (read in full...)
Stepfather vs. Daughter with mother caught in the middle!
Q. My husband continues to nag at my 15 year old daughter. She is a slop and can be moody, but she is 15. When my daugther is not around, my husband and I get a long awesome...we never argue unless it is about her. She is a good kid (honor roll for ...
A. 23 November 2010: I agree with Aunt Honesty 100%, (fab answer Honesty)
I would never allow this, You say you love him, but how can you respect him, when he has no intentions of making your daughters life happy.
You say you feel stuck in the middle, well its time... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should believe my boyfriend or not?
Q. Hello every one well my boy friend and I have been for two years and we have a baby together and I found out that he hAs twitter and facebook and etc... Well he tells me that he doesn't get in it but I don't believe him so what should i do should I ...
A. 23 November 2010: Nothing! so what? I have all of them, dont now how to use twitter, but apparently its a great way to keep up to date with your favourite celebrities, and facebook is a great way to keep up with old friends, events etc. I use it alot.
He may not use ... (read in full...)
She I ask for her back at her housewarming party?
Q. I broke up with my ex 4 months ago. We had been together three years and were very close - being each other's first loves. I decided to end it as I was moving town for a year (2 hours away) and was thinking I'm too young to be in somethingthis ...
A. 23 November 2010: I dont think this is going to happen overnight, You are obviously very intouch with how you feel, however, I dont think she is yet, and by what you said about your meeting last time, she was definately into you when face to face, once she was away ... (read in full...)
Does a girl always fall in love with the guy she loses her virginity to?
Q. is it true that when a girl loses her virginity that the boy/man she loses it to she kind of falls in love with him?...
A. 23 November 2010: No not true, altho I would advise not to do it with anyone, unless your in love with him first, and he loves you too.... (read in full...)
What cologne should I get my boyfriend for christmas?
Q. Not really a relationship question as such but something most people will have an opinion on I hope. I want to get my boyfriend some cologne as part of his xmas present, but I'm completely clueless when it's comes to male fragrance and was hoping ...
A. 23 November 2010: My son who's 23, likes Cool Water, and Joop Jump. (superdrug had jump on special last week, may still be on special ;o) )
But........if you want him to smell phwoar, deffo look at Armarni Code, but Cerberus is right, go sniff about. ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to show him how I feel.
Q. I don't know how to express myself with my boyfriend; I have noticed how much i actually care about him and I want him to know that but I don't kno how to tell him or show him!...
A. 23 November 2010: I would suspect he already knows hon, Its in the way we act, look at them, laugh at their corny sometimes unfunny jokes.
However, if you really feel the need to express it somehow, a good uncommitted way is take him into an automatic photo boot... (read in full...)
My new guy makes no effort to pleasure me, Opinions please.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months (I've known him for years) but we havent had sex. I was with a guy before and we had done everything so it took time to adjust with my new boyfriend. I know this isn't what a relationship should be about but ...
A. 23 November 2010: You haven't said if you've discussed with him that you would like him to do more to you, and what his reactions were to that, so I'm inclined to just encourage you to have a word, Your obviously not embarrassed around him, so just come out with it, ... (read in full...)
Problems in my relationship and I'm falling for another woman. What should I do?
Q. I am a lesbian and have been with my girlfriend for little over two years. Most of that time has been very, very happy. However, a few months ago, she cheated on me with my friend, but after some time apart, I decided to take her back. Since ...
A. 23 November 2010: You've over thought this, hence the confusion, its simple,
if your prepared to leave your girlfriend if this other girl would give you the commitment then you shouldn't be with your girlfriend.
If your afraid to leave your girlfriend only because ... (read in full...)
Would you cheat on a guy you were falling for just to have some "closure sex?"
Q. I'm curious what goes on in a woman's mind when she is dating a guy she claims to love, but still has feelings for a former lover whom she only had sex with and maybe a slight friendship. I've had several relationships where I found out some time ...
A. 23 November 2010: No, I can only have sex with someone I'm emotionally attached to, if I'm dating someone who I feel a strong attachment with, and we've already started a physical relationship, then I'm emotionally free of the 'previous' bloke. However, this said, ... (read in full...)
I think he likes me but he turns down every invitation!
Q. Hi I have never done anything like this before so I hope it works! I am sorry if its long winded. I need some advice. There is this guy who I work with who I really like but he is giving off really mixed signals, it doesnt help that he isnt Eng...
A. 22 November 2010: I dont think your wrong, but he sounds like he is struggling with himself, a committment phobe maybe, or just unstable in his personal life that he feels he is not in position to commit.
I think if you have an open communication with him now, just... (read in full...)
My special needs daughter is sleeping with someone, I worry if she understands what she is doing
Q. my teenage step daughter has special needs i have just found out shes been sleeping with an older man and im worried that she may not understand what shes doing or he might be taking advance of her should i stop her seeing him or just make sure she ...
A. 22 November 2010: Could you be more discriptive as to what special needs your daughter has please, and also her age, and where this is happening.
I have had extensive work with special needs and mentally challenged adults.... (read in full...)
I am having an affair with my boss and his wife knows about it!
Q. I m in love with my boss, he loves me too. He is 15 years senior to me, is married and has 2 kids. it all started from his side andhe says that he wants to marry me... we are in a relationship for 5 years now, there have been all sorts of problems ...
A. 22 November 2010: I was a mistress, and I loved him soooooo much, that it actually hurt sometimes, he was attentive, thru text, I had texts morning and night, I thought I was his first thought, and last thought of the day, I ignored the fact he snuggled up to his ... (read in full...)
Acne,no makeup what do guys think?
Q. okay im the type of girl that never leaves the house without makeup,i was bullied in school so makeup became part of my life and i hear the way peple talk,so my question is what does a guy think about a girl that has acne like the t zone on her and ...
A. 22 November 2010: Hiya,
I know this one, I have a condition, which looks like i have red freckles, its actually called Osler Webber Rendu Syndrome, and because my skin is often hot, due to the lessions under the skin, I have open pores which block and I can get some... (read in full...)
I kissed a guy when I was drunk, told my boyfriend and now I don't know what to do!
Q. As background, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and were quite happy together. We were near engagement, so it's a very serious relationship. I went to a going away party this weekend and got blackout drunk at the end of the ...
A. 22 November 2010: Hiya, If you have told him what you've told us, then I would tell him you gonna leave him to sort his thoughts out.
He really does has alot to deal with and sort out, so i dont think it is gonna be a quick turnaround, he is hurt that this has happ... (read in full...)
We have totally different views on lying, who is right?
Q. How do I deal with this??? Me and my girlfriend are in mad love, and could probably make it if there weren't these issues. One is that we both have very different views on lying. I view lying as not very glamorous but a part of life, it...
A. 19 November 2010: I'm with quiet echo on this, she is manipulating the situation to be in control, and its wrong.
When it comes to lies, my opinion is like yours, give her the films Liar Liar and The invention of lying, and maybe she'll see that the implications of a... (read in full...)
Why is she avoiding me?
Q. I know a girl and we dated for a couple of months. She moved then for no appearent reason stopped talking to me. Then i seen her around and she acts like she isn't avoiding me. Whats up with that? ...
A. 19 November 2010: Leaving like that was horrible, its not a nice thing to do, very cowardly wasnt it, but I think she figures that its done and dusted, and just says hi, as she probably liked you as a person, just not as someone who she wanted to date anymore.
D... (read in full...)
Is my ex mentally ill and dangerous?
Q. why does my ex bf breakup, forget me for long time then out of the blue appear when i get a new bf and then disappears out of the blue when i forget about my new bf for him???? This happened 4 times. I know its part my fault but why does he keep ...
A. 19 November 2010: He is dangerous, anyone that needs to continually mess up someone elses life is dangerous.
The other aunts/uncs have said it all already, but you really do need to cut all ties, not answer calls or texts, knowing that the possiblities of him gett... (read in full...)
Too embarrassed to dress up for my boyfriend!
Q. my boyfriend wants me to dress up for him and i get embarrassed and once im dressed up what should i do???...
A. 19 November 2010: You sound like you have confidence issues, I'm the same, I giggled like mad when my previous partner asked the same thing, but he was serious, and looking back now, I would imagine him asking was a harder thing for him to ask, than it was for me to ... (read in full...)
I'm worried he has told other people at school that I'm a virgin after our failed attempt at having sex! What should I do?
Q. so i'm just going to start with my question. few weeks ago, a new guy in my class began to send me messages. i wasn't interested i'm not even now. but anyways i talked to him. he told me he likes me and so on. because he wanted to meet with me so i ...
A. 19 November 2010: Hon, I can assure you, that being known as an easy shag, is alot worse than being known as the virgin, you'll end up attracting loads of horrible boys, all wanting that girl that f**ks, and none of them caring about you as a person.
By all mean... (read in full...)
We're back together and he's dating other women too!
Q. My boyfriend is dating other women. We've been together (on and off) for 6 years now. He told me that he's involved with others a few months after our relationship started and I always thought that when we'll get to know each other he'll stop. He ...
A. 18 November 2010: What on earth are you confused about!!!! he's a dog, get out, get out now, forget about the time you've invested in him, think about the amount of time you'll save to give to someone else worthy of you.
He has no respect for you, he is getting his ... (read in full...)
This female friend of his is sticking her nose in where its not wanted! What can we do?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. When we met for the first time, he was with a friend who was a girl, and she had made a comment to him that "he was going to marry me someday". Anyway, as much as that was a cute comment, I ...
A. 17 November 2010: WOW, I know this feeling of being too old for this crap, I've been exactly where you are.
And now, I wish I'd just let her hang herself, but I dint, I let her wind me up by 'trying' to involve herself, and all that happened was a breakdown in my r... (read in full...)
How do I become more comfortable meeting and talking to women? I'm sure once I can manage this I will finally get a girlfriend!
Q. This is going to sound like a really stupid question but I'll ask it anyway. I'm a 22 almost 23 year old guy, getting ready to finish school in a few months, but I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, etc. I would consider myself a fairly ...
A. 17 November 2010: Reading your letter, you sound like you know what your about, you just need to be confident in all that you know about yourself, realise that all that you have would enrich someone elses life.
You dont need game play, most women dont like it much... (read in full...)
Need advice on intimacy and getting pregnant, please help!
Q. Me and my husband have been trying for a while now to get pregnant, but it just hasn't happened yet, I was just wondering what is the best tips for being intimate? Can you please help us, we want a family but it hasn't happened yet, and just hoping ...
A. 17 November 2010: Mistiquek has just got 5 stars from me, perfect answer!
My mum told me she had the very same problem, mum and dad still laughed 30 years after, when they reminisced about how dad found mum stood on her head, her explanation was I'm helping grav... (read in full...)
Why would a person say "If I was not with my current boyfriend, I would have this other guy instead"?
Q. Its just a simple question, why would a person say "If I was not with my current boyfriend, I would have this other guy instead"? What does this show? Should I warn the boyfriend? This guy is my friend and I over heard this from a friend and worries ...
A. 17 November 2010: Gosh, I wish I had some of that girls confidence, to just say, I'd have him, if I weren't with this one lol.
The fact she has that confidence and is with current boyfriend, tells me she wants her current boyfriend, for some window shopping is life... (read in full...)
Should I wish him happy birthday? I don't want him to think I'm rude if I dont, but then again I don't want him to think we can be friends either!
Q. Hi all now I really need your help. My ex's birthday is in a week's time and I don't know if I should wish him a Happy Birthday or not. I was planning to maybe send him a Facebook message and wish him. We broke up around 10 months ago, but we had r...
A. 17 November 2010: I dont think your going to look an asshole or rude if you dont, If I were him, I wouldn't be expecting it from you.
... (read in full...)
Is she confused or just plain upset that I didn't propose to her?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over five years. Last spring we moved in together, and things seemed fine. Three weeks ago I came home and she told me she wasn't happy and she didn't want to be with me any more, and she said she ...
A. 4 November 2010: I think the best thing you can do is to get out with your friends and start to live a little, you have both had alot on your plate with study and work and life, and I'm sure your both very different from the people who met each other 5 years ago.
T... (read in full...)
Love him or "in love" with him?
Q. Well my boyfriend and i been dateing for almost 3 months now. he tells me he loves me, and i tell him i love him back. but im not sure if i really do. i know i like him and i care about him so much, but in love with him no. or am i just confused ? ...
A. 4 November 2010: If you have to question if your in love with him, then your not in love with him.
You may just be in love with the idea of being in love.... (read in full...)
Can't get pregnant
Q. Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, I'm 25 and he is 29, we both have good jobs, we both have a car, we own a condo, we have a great little life, but... We want to have a baby. We have been trying for a few months, we want it ...
A. 5 August 2010: Hiya,
You've not stated what form of contraception you were on before you started trying for a baby, but if it was implant, coil (IUD) with hormone, contraception pill, it could take months before your body is clear enough to concieve.
If however,... (read in full...)
Can't get pregnant
Q. Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years, I'm 25 and he is 29, we both have good jobs, we both have a car, we own a condo, we have a great little life, but... We want to have a baby. We have been trying for a few months, we want it ...
A. 5 August 2010: Hiya,
You've not stated what form of contraception you were on before you started trying for a baby, but if it was implant, coil (IUD) with hormone, contraception pill, it could take months before your body is clear enough to concieve.
If however,... (read in full...)
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