A
female
age
41-50,
*clyse
writes:We are certainly not young in age: I'm 45 and my partner is 61 years old but both are new in LDR world.2 years ago my partner has lived and worked in different country and we have been apart since then. He is workaholic. As a result he focuses on his work very much and he has been starting giving less and less attention to me. Many ways I have tried to communicate with him with hope that he will be more attentive to me but it came with little success. His silence often makes me wonder and my mind goes wild with negative possible scenarios. To say short: he ignores me and it hurts because I don't know actually what is going on with him. I also feel that I am the one who makes the effort more than him to be in touch :( He is a guy with beautiful heart and I am very lucky to meet him. We think to spend our old-ages together at some point of lives. For this I won't give up. I wish to hear your experience on how to deal with this situation.Thanks! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 October 2018):
 For many people LDR just don't work long term.
If I were you, I'd get busy with life where you are instead of putting so much focus on this guy. I get that yo u care for him and hope for a future WITH him, but as things stand... it doesn't sound like HE feels the same. IF he did I think he would find time to talk to you about his day, ask about yours etc.
So I would dial it back. If you are the one who ALWAYS initiate contact, stop. Give him a few days to miss you. See if he pick up the slack.
MAKE yourself the priority. Go out see family, friend, hobbies, local events.
IF HE doesn't pick up the slack, then you kind of know that he is not as invested as you. You NEED two people to have a relationship. Two people who INVEST in each other, emotionally and time-wise.
He isn't investing in you. It doesn't take more than few minutes to send you an e-mail with a little update (if there is a big time difference).
For some the "out of sight/out of mind" takes over. He might feel he doesn't HAVE to pay as much attention to you now that he isn't near, and well, that isn't a good sign.
I'm not saying go out and start dating other men, but DO go out and LIVE life.
And it's a LOVELY fantasy to spend your old age together. It really is. But for now, due to distance and his LACK of investment... it's nothing more than fantasy.
A
male
reader, Notsobig +, writes (22 October 2018):
Is it possible that you are in a LDR but he isn’f?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2018): You're an intelligent, mature, and experienced woman. Easy remedy! DUMP HIM! Forget all that fantasy and nonsense about growing-old together; when you can't even get him to respond when you try to contact him!!!
Your relationship is strained by distance; and frustratingly conducted through the use of digital devices. There is nothing like the real-thing; experiencing romance and intimacy in real-time.
Romances created and carried-on long-term online are more make-believe, or fantasy, than real.
When was the last time you touched him, felt his heartbeat, the warmth of his skin, his arms around you, or took a whiff of his manly-scent? When is the last time he stroked your hair, held your hand, kissed you, and held you close? It's what you wish and crave for; but get in little doses, when you get the time to visit each other. Like distant relatives or a whirlwind-romance on vacation.
Married-people or people in long well-established relationships, have strong enough hope and commitment to hold-out over time and distance. Even what they have can be strained by separation and through frustration. They are promised to each other, and they have an understanding to wait; because their endurance depends on what's had a chance to be established and connected. It's only a test, not all they can look forward to. LDR romances just aren't the same.
If you are separated while you have a well-established relationship; your mind knows eventually that distance will close, and your partner is promised and scheduled to return. Many relationships still end; because the time apart and distance proves too much. Feelings change, fade, or fail!
LDR's are risky, frustrating, expensive, and in my opinion futile. It's hard enough binding and maintaining a good relationship when you can be together. The harsh reality of miles, oceans, or continents between people who met online. It's just a fantasy relationship. Sexting, text-messaging, and video-chatting; while one of the couple is probably secretly dating, and having a real love-life on the other end. While the other wonders, why are they always so busy?
I will tell you, men are not as good at LDR's as women.
Find yourself a good local man. You deserve tenderness, affection, his time, and loving-attention. Digital-relationships may be the modern-trend; but nothing substitutes for something real and tangible. We were not biologically nor psychologically designed to love through social media. People don't know how to interact or communicate like human beings anymore. Making-love to a smartphone is or tablet is so cold and unfulfilling.
He's ignoring you, because he's busy seeing other women. He has physical and emotional needs. So do you! Work is just his convenient excuse.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (22 October 2018):
 Long distance relationships are very difficult and to be honest not too many couples can survive them for a long period of time. They require extra effort just because you can't always see or hold or touch your mate. They also require extreme trust in your partner.
I know how hard it is because I have been in several LDR in the past. I am married to the man who used to be my LDR man. We chatted several times a day, had at least an hour for each other every night and I ALWAYS knew where he was, who he was with and what he was doing. He wanted me to feel important and part of his life even though we were not together physically.
If the man isn't giving you time why stay with him? Relationships are hard enough without adding the stress that you don't know what he is doing and you don't trust him. Why are you holding on?
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