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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Should I fade my manipulative friend out?
Q. I have been "best friends" with a woman for over 25 years. I started to notice when the bill came at dinner, or anywhere we were, she'll begin to complain about how broke she is and I'd end up either paying the entire bill or some of her ...
A. 12 November 2019: OP, you sound like a sweet and caring person. The type of person that most people would treasure. Unfortunately your "friend" is a user and a manipulator and she takes you forgranted. There are givers and takers and she is definitely the latter. I ... (read in full...)
Will I be able to stay away from my abusive ex when he turns on the charm?
Q. I am gutted that my relationship that I clung onto has turned out to be nothing more than an abusive relationship. Someone warned me at the beginning but I couldn't take it in. It's taken an episode of near strangling for me to face facts. All...
A. 10 November 2019: Will you take him back if he tries to woo and charm you? We can't answer that only you can. Think about this though. The next time you see him he might kill you. Send shivers down your spine? I hope so. Its a very real possibility! How much do you ... (read in full...)
Why are straight guys upset when gay guys don't like them?
Q. Today I had a conversation with a guy who found out I'm gay. Him - It's fine with me, just don't come on to me. Me - Don't worry, you're not my type. Him - What do you mean I'm not your type? Me - I don't find you attractive. H...
A. 8 November 2019: Its all about the ego. WiseOwl gave a fabulous answer as always. It would appear your friend thinks quite highly of himself and was stunned to think you wouldn't be attracted to him. ... (read in full...)
Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to
Q. I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...
A. 7 November 2019: OP, are you serious?? I mean really??? You are basing 40 years of marriage on the fact that your wife won't give your a bj and now you think you chose the wrong person? This is really sad that it all comes down to this for you. You poor tortured man ... (read in full...)
Don't like to see the signs of the girls he's been with in the past
Q. In love with my boyfriend of a year sex and love life is great but I feel like I can’t fully give my self to him he has so many back scars scratches from another or other females in the past I hate seeing him in the light with no shirt seeing other ...
A. 7 November 2019: I have never heard of someone having scars on their back like your boyfriend from an ex partner. TBH the whole thing is VERY strange. Are you sure that's how it really happened or is that what he told you happened? Geez...who on earth was he ... (read in full...)
Would you be scared to email someone you treated badly?
Q. if you knew that you had treated someone very badly and they left you and changed their phone number, and they lived in a different country from you and so you asked a mutual friend to contact them by email and they more or less ignored that mutual ...
A. 5 November 2019: Why do you want to contact them? What is so important that you feel the need? They have made it clear by their silence that they don't want to hear from you. I think you'd be wise to leave them alone. If you are looking for closure, please realize ... (read in full...)
Should I return the call of my estranged aunt?
Q. Hi All, I've been estranged from my father's family for over twelve years. It's a very long story but in short, after he and my grandmother died, there was a lot of anger, resentment and accusations. Because he and my mom were separated at the...
A. 4 November 2019: I would call her back. The other aunts have given you fabulous advice. It is very hard to find the courage to reach out and you said she was kind to you when you were a child, so I would at least return her call. Keep in mind how much info you wish ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets nasty when I don't do what he wants!
Q. My boyfriend gets nasty and angry if I don't spend the night staying over with him every weekend and refuses to come over to see me and take me out for the day because I wont do what he wants which is stayover and have sex all night and day. the ...
A. 31 October 2019: I understand if you are afraid of leaving him because you won't find someone else but I think you need to accept that the two of you don't want the same things. Sometimes its better to be alone and happy than to be with someone who makes you ... (read in full...)
I took my boyfriend back and he hurt me physically
Q. So here I am. I took him back after dumping him for emotional abuse. This time he told me that things were going to change. A week later he was back to his same verbal abuse. This time tho I stood up to him. His five year old daughter was screaming ...
A. 30 October 2019: He is acting in the way that controlling abusive men act. They act all sweet and nice to get you to do what they want but they can't hold up the facade for long and before you know it they are back to being what they truly are.
I know..I was marr... (read in full...)
Co worker body shames customers
Q. I began a part time job at a fast food place where my son works to earn extra money and to keep an eye on him. (He's mildly autistic and often misunderstood). This isn't the problem. The problem is my co-worker "Xena". Yesterday, a man came in an...
A. 29 October 2019: I would say very firmly "You have a right to your opinions but I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't express yourself around me. The customers might hear you." She knows better, she's just mean. I don't know if going to management will help and it could ... (read in full...)
Am I settling to accept deep compatibility and companionship and a medium level of sexual attraction?
Q. Hi all, I am looking for some advice. Basically, my question is how attracted do you need to be to your partner for a relationship to last? I’ve seen a lot of people asking questions about not being attracted at all versus intense passion, but what ...
A. 27 October 2019: Sexual attraction should not be dismissed but I also don't think it should be number 1 priority. You obviously don't want to be in a relationship with someone that you can only drum up feelings for as a brother or a friend but never underestimate ... (read in full...)
What can I offer that porn doesn’t when porn offer endless variety
Q. I know this may seem trivial to many people but I have struggled with the issue of men and porn for many years . I have no problem with my partner noticing someone attractive we all do that but when I’m with a man and he feels the need to master ...
A. 24 October 2019: Porn is fantasy and a quick off for when a man just wants to do it now do it quickly. I believe that most men watch/look at porn to some extent but MOST men do not equate a live woman with a porn star and most men would prefer a sweet voice, a soft ... (read in full...)
Accidentally held up an Ambulance and can’t forgive myself!
Q. Tifu accidentally held up an ambulance Accidentally held up an ambulance, feel awful So today as a fairly new driver, I was driving along in the left hand lane, in rush hour. traffic in the right lane queued up at some temporary lights that on...
A. 21 October 2019: In total agreement with everyone else. You didn't do anything wrong OP. It sounds like the driver was very stressed out and frustrated but I'm sure he wasn't just yelling at you and even if he was..you did what was required of you. Just an ... (read in full...)
I'm a grown man and yet my mother controls my life. Help
Q. My mother hit me, threatened me, and made me break up with my girlfriend after one day. Here's what happened: Throughout my entire life my mother has disapproved of any women that I choose to bring in it. I know now that she is a classic example ...
A. 20 October 2019: This post is very disturbing. Why on earth at your age does your mother have so much control over your life? How did you allow this to happen? This is a very abusive relationship and the smartest thing that you can do is to get out and move into ... (read in full...)
I'm upset that I'm feeling hesitant, has anyone else experienced this?
Q. I've come here for help when my heart has been broken and always appreciated the thoughtful, insightful responses complete strangers have given me. My question today is about a personal issue I have in moving forward with a great guy. I've been...
A. 17 October 2019: I am afraid that if you stay with this man that somewhere down the road you are likely to regret it and start with the "Could have..should have..would have...or the what if". You come right out and state that you aren't physically attracted to him. ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with an assertion of cheating after the death of my s/o?
Q. In Janury 2017, my beloved girlfriend suddenly passed away unexpectedly. We had been dating for nearly six years at this point, and serious talks about moving in together and our future were underway. It took me a few months of hard grief to ge...
A. 16 October 2019: Aww..hugs to you OP. I hope that you have many happy memories of your girlfriend to hold on to. Saying that, I would suggest that you hold on to what you know of your girlfriend and ignore what the man said about her. I cannot say for certain but he ... (read in full...)
I'm having a tough time with my new, older boyfriend.
Q. Hi There is this guy at work and for some time now he has deffinately been trying to chat me up ,the thing is im on work experience. He is probably in his 40's.A few weeks ago we went out and it got more serious and eventually soon after we ended up...
A. 13 October 2019: You have bitten off more than you can chew OP. You are getting in waaaay over your head. This older man is manipulative and controlling. He will continue to do so because you are younger and don't have the experience to put him in his place. The ... (read in full...)
Am I being an egomaniac or does this matter?
Q. Hi, I am a 38 year old female and have been dating a 45 year old man for 4 months. In that time 2.5 months has been long distance. We were recently having a conversation and I mentioned that a long time ago I was dating someone who a lot of people ...
A. 9 October 2019: Pot meet kettle. You are upset of what your boyfriend did and yet you do the very same thing. It appears that even though you consider yourself very attractive you are insecure not to mention conceited. Thank God not everyone in the world bases ... (read in full...)
Is it ever OK to meet an online contact for sex?
Q. Is it ever Ok to meet an online date for a hook up? I am not looking for anything serious but have been online dating for about 6 months. This one guy who favourited me and I was messaging gave me his whatsapp and keeps asking me to come over being ...
A. 8 October 2019: Seriously OP? Your thirst for "wanting to have fun before settling down" could cost you your life! Desperate and stupid go hand in hand. Read what WiseOwl wrote and then read it again.
If you dont value your life then yeah..I guess its ok. ... (read in full...)
Am I too old at 54 to meet any men who will want anything more than sex?
Q. I’m recently dating after a divorce . He was interested in much younger women all the time we were together and had now found one and is happy . I took quite a while on my own and felt I’d really like to meet someone special one day. However I’m ...
A. 7 October 2019: My mother in law and my mother both lost their husbands when in their 70's. My mother in law remarried at 74 and was happier than she had ever been. My mom has been dating the same man for over 6 years and is very happy. Its never too late OP! Not ... (read in full...)
I want to end my relationship with a married man
Q. I am in a relationship with a marrired man for past 8months. We had known for last three years. I am truly in love with him though its wrong. I don't have any intention to destroy his beautiful family. Hes got a heart of gold. I wanted to end the ...
A. 2 October 2019: Its up to you to end this once and for all. I'd wager a bet that he will allow this affair to continue as long as you are willing to put up with being second best. Why would he want to end it when he's got the wife and a home and you as his ... (read in full...)
My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it!
Q. My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it. 7 months ago they slept together behind my back. He ended up making her pregnant as well. I’ve forgiven them both and am trying to move on and rebuild relationships wi...
A. 27 September 2019: Its really a crying shame when you can't 2 of the people in the world that you should be able to trust! I had almost the exact thing happen to me when I was 19. My best friend, my boyfriend and I were like the 3 Musketeers. We did everything ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or leave my mentally ill boyfriend?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 31. We met online and moved in with each other very quickly in a new town to both of us due to me getting a new job. There were some things I didnt know about my boyfriend until a ...
A. 20 September 2019: OP, we can love someone with all of our heart but it doesn't mean that they are good for us. It comes to a point where you need to know when to look out for yourself, be selfish and walk away to save yourself. You are not his ... (read in full...)
I started a lie that my dad was dead before I met my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him the truth
Q. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father who would beat me, my mum and occasionally my younger brothers. I grew up with low self esteem and anxiety relating to this situation. At 14 my mum left him, he threatened to kill himself if we chose to ...
A. 17 September 2019: OP I truly believe that anyone with a heart will understand your actions. Sometimes people are so toxic in our lives that we need to distance ourselves from them so that they can no longer hurt us and disrupt our lives. This is what I always tell ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage
Q. My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...
A. 14 September 2019: Dont mean to start a flame war here but I agree with Chigirl and Honeypie. Abortion is NEVER something to be taken lightly. While it may not mean much to the man, it can affect a woman for the rest of her life. I know. I was married and had 2 ... (read in full...)
The Guy I'm Dating Apparently Abused His Ex Girlfriend. Should I Dump Him?
Q. So I met this guy on Tinder and I've been for a drink with him. It went pretty well and he's really attractive TBH (tall, dark, handsome, muscular, works in IT which I also do.) There are a few things about him that bug me a bit like it takes ag...
A. 13 September 2019: Even if you had never checked out his ex's social media page and seen her comments, you stated that you have seen some actions of his that are worrisome. Never ignore signs/red flags. Listen to what you are feeling. His behavior is troublesome. I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage
Q. My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...
A. 13 September 2019: I'm sorry for your loss OP. A miscarriage is not easy to go through no matter what the circumstances may be. Take time and let your body and your mind heal. Its hard to say why your b/f acted as he did but if I had to guess I'd say he was feeling ... (read in full...)
My ex girlfriend's relationship with her brother in law seemed too cozy to me
Q. My ex gf 5yrs+ and I just recently broken up few days ago . Long story I went to go visit her for the second time at her place (long distance relationship ) stayed 3 weeks. The first week was hot romance and she couldn't get enough of me and than ...
A. 12 September 2019: OP, you're broken up so at this point wasting your time dwelling on the situation doesn't matter. Look towards the future and close the door on the past. ... (read in full...)
I cheated my husband and don’t know how to stop it and it’s getting over the head now ..
Q. I am 29 Indian living in US past 2 years after marriage. I had a arrange marriage in India and came to US with my husband. After 2 months of my marriage I was in US with my husband alone and spend time alone when he was in office .(cause I can’t wo...
A. 12 September 2019: I'll be honest I went ahead and posted this but I agree with youcannotbeserious, I don't think this is real. It just sounds waaay too much like something from a cheap porn movie. Let me tell you something, if its real then you are in way over your ... (read in full...)
I’m still trying to understand why she did what she did 26 years ago!
Q. Hi I was married more than 26 years ago. The problem troubling me is that when I knew my wife then, she was going out with someone whom she will never and can't get married to. She didn't inform me of her status then, and we went out. Only after ...
A. 10 September 2019: The only person who knows 100% way she acted the way that she did was HER. Ask her. Why can't you talk to her about it? If you were so unhappy with her then why did you marry her? Why didn't you sort this out a long time ago?
I still stand by... (read in full...)
What can I put in a letter to my ex to make me feel better?
Q. A while ago, I broke up with my first boyfriend after a 18 month long relationship. We, unfortunately, went to the same school and so I had to be around him for a year. Within 3 months, he found a new girl, who acted very oddly towards me, fairly ...
A. 8 September 2019: The best advice I can give you is to write a letter and express everything that you are feeling. Pour our everything that you are feeling and then BURN it. NEVER under any circumstances mail it or give it to your ex. ... (read in full...)
Does she see me a just a work colleague or a friend as well?
Q. a female student has started working at a company. I work for and has been with us for a month and a half. she’s funny, a bit of a barbie and not the brightest bulb in the lamp. despite this, she’s well liked by the staff. since she has started ...
A. 7 September 2019: Op, do the girl a favor and stay strictly on a co-worker relationship ONLY. Right from the start you spoke disrespectfully about her " a bit of a barbie and not the brightest bulb in the lamp". I mean really??? If I knew a man thought that about me, ... (read in full...)
I’m still trying to understand why she did what she did 26 years ago!
Q. Hi I was married more than 26 years ago. The problem troubling me is that when I knew my wife then, she was going out with someone whom she will never and can't get married to. She didn't inform me of her status then, and we went out. Only after ...
A. 6 September 2019: Let me get this straight..instead of talking to your wife and trying to work things out you come on here ask questions and then brag about cheating on your wife all the time?? Wow...sad. I've been on DC a very long time and it isn't too often that ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work and last if it began with an affair?
Q. It’s messy it’s complicated but I need advice. I started working in a local bar about 8 months ago. I’m 24 and when I started working there I met a man he’s 40. It started as friendly. He would always advise me on customers and always told me ...
A. 3 September 2019: OP, I hope that you will read carefully what other aunts/uncles are advising you but sadly I doubt that you will follow what we advise. You are young and often when we are young we think we know everything and refuse to see what older more ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend might be married. What should I do?
Q. I think my new boyfriend might be married and I have no idea how to bring up the subject. We've been together for almost three months and while things have been good, some of his behaviour has always been a bit off. Nothing I can put my finger on, ...
A. 1 September 2019: We all have that little voice that tells us when something might be wrong. Never ignore it. If you feel something is wrong, then its very possible that something is wrong. I wouldn't wait around to see if your boyfriend is going to confess or come ... (read in full...)
She was texting and working during our date and seems to be ghosting me! Do I go on our next date?
Q. About a week ago I went out with a girl that I dated and was intimate with for 5 months a year ago. We drifted apart as she moved to another state but remained in contact during that year apart, texting and calling on and off. She's now moved ...
A. 29 August 2019: I think it would be best to start distancing yourself from this woman and not hold out hopes for something romantic. She's acting very wishy washy and her behavior during your "date" was downright rude. You don't act that way towards someone that ... (read in full...)
I need to end my marriage but I don't know if I have the strength to move on
Q. I need to end my marriage. But I do not know if I have the strength to move on. My husband has cheated on me 3 years before we got married. We were technically on a break but still had sex so I forgave him. He is the only man I have ever been with ...
A. 28 August 2019: OP, I am going to reiterate what the other aunts have already said. Do not belittle yourself and put discouraging thoughts in your head. You loved your husband and you trusted him. That doesn't make you stupid. A good relationship should always be ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't anyone care?
Q. Is it me or everyone else? I can’t take it anymore, nobody cares at all. I feel let down by my friends. I am 100% sure nobody cares. I am not being negative, I am not in some bad time in life. But every event that happens it causes me stress when I ...
A. 28 August 2019: I totally get where you are coming from. Trust me OP you are not alone in your feelings. If you are a kind sensitive thoughtful person the world can often seem like a very dark cold place. Its hard to stay strong and optimistic when all around you ... (read in full...)
Should I pursue a formal, legal route over what happened to me when I was younger?
Q. I need help please, about something that has confused me for 36 years and which I am only now able to speak about. When I was 15 I agreed to have sex with an 18 year old male. This has, one way or another, plagued me all my life. I am now...
A. 26 August 2019: OP, I am not sure that going the legal route is really going to help you at this point. Its been so long and without any proof it would turn into a "he said, she said" situation. Would you really want to put yourself through that plus court costs ... (read in full...)
Nervous about returning to abusive husband
Q. When my husband gets jealous he sometimes assaults me and becomes very intimidating and threatening to me and I get very scared. It’s even worse when he’s been drinking alcohol. I have been with him for nearly 8 years and he had jealous rages wi...
A. 20 August 2019: My heart aches for you. I was married to a physically abusive man once. He broke my arm after countless times of hitting me. I left the day he broke my arm because I was afraid of what might happen the next time he hit me.
OP PLEASE..DO NOT RETU... (read in full...)
Feel like I'm wasting my life but my reasons for wanting to leave seem petty
Q. I have being in my current relationship for the past 8 years and at the moment I am questioning whether it is what I want for the long-term. I feel that after 8 years together, we should be living together or at least have a clear plan for the fut...
A. 18 August 2019: OP, you aren't being petty at all. 8 years is a very long time to go with no commitment. I don't know too many people that would be happy with a relationship as you have stated yours is. She doesn't want to commit and that's about all there is to ... (read in full...)
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