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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Am I being unreasonable and over protective in following the guidance of the midwives and my own desires.
Q. Hi all, I am pregnant with my first child and due to give birth in the next couple of months. I have decided that due to covid and the guidelines based around it ATM I do not want my newborn to have any visitors or meet anyone from the outside...
A. 17 February 2021: In times like these you need to protect yourself and your children/child to be. You can respectfully ask others around you to follow guidelines for the pandemic, but it doesn't mean that they will. If that is the case, then do what you must to keep ... (read in full...)
I get angry and depressed sometimes because I didnt date when I was younger
Q. I didn't really start dating until near the end of my 20s, i'm in my early 30s now, i'm dating someone new, while of course i am happy and glad to have met her, i do have these thoughts. I wonder if it is a common mindset or thought for peop...
A. 16 February 2021: My husband didn't date or get intimate with a woman until he was 26. He was studying to be a doctor and his career came first. He is now 53 and has only been with 2 women his entire life. His ex wife and me. He did express once that he wished he had ... (read in full...)
Is this appropriate conversation between a father and daughter?
Q. do you think its appropriate for dad to tell his adult daughter in her twentys that he use to change her diapers and when he gets older she can change his ...
A. 13 February 2021: Without knowing the father I'd say this was all said in a joking matter. I am guessing you are reading far too much into the comment? ... (read in full...)
Should I get to know him again? I was not attracted to him in the past
Q. Someone who i used to speak to has recently got in contact with me again ,when we used to be friends , he said he was attracted to me i never felt the same way . Shall i get to know him again ? i try to meet people to take my mind of things but in ...
A. 12 February 2021: No you should not. If you weren't attracted to him before why would you be now? It would actually be rather cruel because you would be getting his hopes up when all you want is a distraction. Please have compassion and just leave things alone. Think ... (read in full...)
How long do I wait? Stuck in a LDR
Q. Hi I’m in a long distance relationship for a few years now. I’m older and settled in career but he is not. He stilll trying to find his feet. When we talk about marriage, every time he says not now, firstly not ready, then he wants thing in l...
A. 7 February 2021: I have been in long distance relationships and they are rough. Definitely not for the faint of heart. You really have to be strong to keep them going. Sadly many times they don't work out for a variety of reasons. Its easy to become complacent in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he needed space to go "find himself" in a tropical destination. He said our relationship is over. Should I move on?
Q. I have a very big decision to make and I could use some advice from the good people here at Dear Cupid. My boyfriend ended our 2 year relationship a few months ago and travelled to a tropical destination; he has been there since. He said he neede...
A. 4 February 2021: OP, based on the information that you gave us, in a nutshell it sounds like he has decided to work things out with his wife, and wanted you to be completely in the dark. If he just wanted to think, he probably would not have been so adamant that you ... (read in full...)
My ex blew me off, but he won't stop contacting me
Q. My ex and met on Face book 10 years ago and we hit it off. However, after 5 months he broke it off because he felt like we don’t live within reasonable distance to support a relationship. We live 5 hours away from each other of driving distance. We ...
A. 3 February 2021: OP, this isn't nearly as hard as you are making it out to be. Cut the ties one and for all. Block him. Move on. He is just using you and playing with your feelings. You know this. OF course you don't trust him! Why would you? He doesn't have your ... (read in full...)
My LDR husband is asking for $4000
Q. Hi and thanks I wrote here before about my husband. I received alot of good advice. So we have been married for 4 years. We don't live together yet. He doesn't live where I do, so I was working on his visa. We have spent alot of time tog...
A. 3 February 2021: It looks like it has taken you awhile but it appears you have finally figured out your husband for what he is. Sad but true. The smartest thing you can do is to end the relationship. Hes been using you and apparently is planning to keep doing so. ... (read in full...)
I agreed to get married but I'm not sure if its the right thing to do
Q. I [28F] have a successful career and live in a different country to my family. They have been putting huge pressure on me to meet guys they set me up with and get married. I have never had trouble dating but it's been a while since I've had a long ...
A. 3 February 2021: You need to talk to your parents and the sooner the better. Marriage is never something to take lightly or to "hope for the best". Its a hard road for even the deepest in love and if you are unsure of your feelings, you need time to decide what is ... (read in full...)
I cried during a film and he handed me a box of Kleenex
Q. Hi. Would this bother you? My boyfriend and I were watching a movie a few days ago. I cried during one scene as it reflected a situation I had gone through in my real life. All my boyfriend did was hand me a box of kleenex. He didn't say anything, ...
A. 1 February 2021: Men have emotions they can/will cry but for the most part they are uncomfortable with women crying. They honestly don't know what to do. My father (rest his precious soul) used to actually try and make us laugh when we were crying. He just couldn't ... (read in full...)
What does it mean that I'm thinking about this colleague?
Q. I have a co-worker who is flirty at work. I told him to stop as I'm in a relationship which he mostly has. But I still see him staring at times and he makes little jokes like "if you aren't texting me you shouldn't be on your phone". I laugh it...
A. 30 January 2021: We are all human and any of us can be tempted by a look a wink or a flirteous remark. My friend used to say in regards to hot looking men "I'm married..not dead". Its what you do and how far you let your thoughts go that matter. We have crushes. If ... (read in full...)
I feel like the man who left his wife for me is regretting it. Can anyone tell me what to do?
Q. My married boyfriend left his wife for me. We were having an affair for 8 years prior. He moved in with me in November. But instead of feeling happy about this new beginning like I am, he acts hot and cold. One day he is loving and attentive and the ...
A. 10 January 2021: This is just one of the reasons why being the other woman rarely ever works out. Honestly OP, the best thing you can do is to end things. Its very unlikely that things will work out between the two of you because more than likely he will always ... (read in full...)
He proposed I said yes but I don't want to marry him!
Q. My boyfriend of a year proposed. I said yes because his family was right there. I don’t want to marry him and I’m freaking out because I’m not married. He’s just not what I want....I don’t know what to do . He’s also still married to his first wif...
A. 10 January 2021: OP, you need to end this relationship ASAP. Just tell him that you didn't want to embarrass him in front of his family so you said yes but you've thought it over and you can't go through with things. Keep it short and simple. It isn't fair to either ... (read in full...)
I would do anything for my husband but I know he won't for me
Q. My husband is an alcoholic. Idk why it wasnt so obvious before except that I recently quit drinking and I guess his drunkenness is more noticeable. He is active duty. He somehow excels at work and no one knows he is a raging alcoholic. He c...
A. 2 January 2021: My ex husband was an alcoholic. They aren't very nice people to be around. I can really sympathize with you. The truth is OP, that you know what you need to do. The odds are that he won't get better, he won't get help, and you and your child will be ... (read in full...)
I don't like the choices my girlfriend made in the past getting involved with someone who was involved with someone else
Q. Hi, Need advice Bit of a tricky one. Been with my girlfriend for seven months Everything is going well. A couple of months ago my girlfriend told me about a past fling/relationship she had with her cousins brother in law she met at a fami...
A. 30 December 2020: I think this whole situation has disturbed you in a number of ways and you are trying to decide if you can accept your girlfriend for what she did. You certainly aren't wrong or being judgmental when this someone that you care about. Its normal to ... (read in full...)
How do you process the death of a parent.
Q. In 2017, I lost my father to cancer. We fought a lot, he was really over protective even when I was an adult. I can’t look at his photo. A pain shoots through my chest. I tried anti depressants to see it will help it has not. I tried therapy it...
A. 27 December 2020: OP, I am sorry for your loss. You are relatively young to lose a parent, although it isn't easy at any age. I lost my father 6 years ago and I still miss him every single day and would give anything to hear his voice and hear him call me his pet ... (read in full...)
My always broke boyfriend asked for money and when I offered him some he said it wasn't nearly enough
Q. Hello So I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and hes always broke. Always some scenario happening. I have grown tired of it. His most recent request is hes broke can I help him. I offered 80.00 and he declined. He said it's not enoug...
A. 23 December 2020: This is where you ask yourself if you want a relationship with a man or a boy? If this has been his behavior for 4 years and you've always been his "bank" do you honestly think he's going to change? He asks, and you give in. So close the bank. Tell ... (read in full...)
I believe he is a scammer. Your opinion?
Q. Hello and thank you ! A man contacted me on Instagram. We've been chatting a couple of months. Seems nice and sweet but I've been very cautious. We're from different countries, different cultures and an age gap. He says he works but whe...
A. 18 December 2020: scammer... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to say I am straight?
Q. I am a man and I do not consider myself bi or gay but I do like an occassional get together with another man from time to time I like to give him oral nothing in return I prefer to give oral to a straight married man My question is is it wrong to ...
A. 7 December 2020: I think because you like both the company and pleasure of men and women that the majority of people would consider you to be bi. You can label yourself if you need to as anything that you want but for all intents and purposes I'd say you are ... (read in full...)
Would I be selling myself out if I dated a girl who bullied me in school?
Q. A girl who used to bully me at school started messaging me out of the blue and has asked me out. She hasn’t apologised or even acknowledged what she did yet is being nice as pie to me now. I suppose it’s partly my fault because I’ve not brought...
A. 6 December 2020: I believe the other aunts/uncles have already covered this so I will just be reiterating the majority of what they have said.
I would not trust this girl as far as I could throw her, OP. I was bullied in high school by some of the most popular ... (read in full...)
How can I make amends from 16 years ago? I bullied him because I was attracted to him
Q. When I was in high school, I was bisexual (I'm still am bisexual) but I was too scared to admit it. There was one classmate, a boy named Andrew, who I started being sexually attracted to. He could walk by and I would get erections. I eve...
A. 4 December 2020: I realize my opinion is different from many of the responses you have received but my advice is to leave the guy alone. You honestly don't know what your bullying did to him but if he changed schools I'd wager that the abuse was so bad that he ... (read in full...)
How are others dealing with the anxiety caused from the pandemic?
Q. I know I am not the only one experiencing problem with this ongoing pandemic but I'm wondering if any of the wonderful aunts and uncles could give me some advice that perhaps I haven't tried or thought of? I am having such a hard time just trying...
A. 30 November 2020: I think that everyone is frightened in some way shape or form, OP. If you have any knowledge at all about Covid-19 then you realize how very dangerous it can be for some people. Yes, they say that 80% of people experience "minor symptoms" and yet so ... (read in full...)
I'm horny and think my daughter in law might be interested
Q. Hello and I am a 75 yr.old man who horny all the time. My daughter in law is 52 yrs. old. She pretty and loves to dance. Not too long ago she and I were dancing a slow dance when I got a hard on, she felt it and smiled at me. About a week later she ...
A. 28 November 2020: I will give this post the benefit of the doubt that its real. If so, OP you have to know that this isn't a good idea any way that you look at it. You will ruin the relationship that you have with your son and will destroy your marriage as well. Did ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to handle my insecurity and paranoia about my boyfriend's social media account
Q. Here goes my insecure, slightly paranoid post. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years, we live together, have a puppy together and want to spend our lives together. However I keep getting caught up in things, mainly social media thi...
A. 27 November 2020: I always thought I was in the minority with my way of thinking about social media but after reading the responses of some of the wisest aunts/uncles on here, I see we all think along the same way.
Happy people don't need to boast and brag abo... (read in full...)
What's going through the head of this man when he responds strangely to me pointing out him being married?
Q. There is this man who works in the same building as I do. He is not a coworker but works in facilities. Not knowing be was married, we would sometimes flirt with each other. However, after 4 months, he recently slipped into conversation tha...
A. 26 November 2020: The point is that he's having fun messing about, playing it off as just harmless flirting but the truth is he is fishing to see if you would be up for more. If you'd take the bait, he'd run with it. He's bored and more than likely looking for a ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but can't help being intrigued by a Secret Admirer
Q. Cupids I need help! OK so about a month ago I got a random email from a man who claimed to have known me in the past, telling me that he 'had to get off his chest' that he really fancied me and was crazy about me and that even YEARS later sinc...
A. 23 November 2020: I would be more creeped out than intrigued or fascinated. This is weird and even stalkerish behavior. I agree with Honeypie, check your social media and tighten things up. You really don't know who this is or what their intentions are. I think you'd ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend ignored me when I was having a panic attack
Q. I just had an anxiety attack. I was trying to reach my boyfriend. He knew I was having this panic attack and ignored me. He read all my messages and was online and ignored me as I frantically typed message after message trying to reach him. I told ...
A. 13 November 2020: I am sorry that your boyfriend wasn't there for you OP. I have suffered from panic attacks for years. Unless a person has experienced them, they don't really understand how frightening a panic attack really is. Some people of course will be ... (read in full...)
I'm not very attracted to my wife anymore
Q. I'm not very attracted to my wife anymore. What should I do? I've sat and thought about it for a long time now and have realized it's not even physical attraction that is the problem, although it doesn't help. What I mean is we both have gotten ...
A. 13 November 2020: As a father, its your obligation to protect your child. That should be top priority! Anything else should be behind what is going on between your wife and your attraction or lack of it. Your child needs a safe healthy environment to grow up in, not ... (read in full...)
This has never happened to me before, Is my female boss being friendly or wanting something more from me ?
Q. I don't know if it's harassment, her being friendly or she's wanting something more and I'm very confused about it and haven't laid a finger on her. I'm male and in my ninth week at a new job in a warehouse and within the first week my female b...
A. 13 November 2020: Your boss is out of line. She's making you uncomfortable and the sooner you address this, the better it will be. I'm not sure what her game plan is but you either should address her directly or go to her superior. She has no business acting the way ... (read in full...)
He came out to me as a trans woman and I'm straight
Q. So I (a girl) have been dating a guy, J, for quite a few months now, and last month J came out to me as a trans woman. Since then, J has been acting more and more feminine. I am straight and have never felt attraction towards women, and the more ...
A. 9 November 2020: You need to be honest with him. You can't have the right kind of feelings for him and you both deserve better. Wish him the best and move on. ... (read in full...)
We're dating he says he loves me but he's still hung up on his ex
Q. I've been dating a guy for 6 months and I feel like I love him. About a month ago, he told me that he still loves his ex girlfriend (lasted 3 years and ended when she meet someone else while working abroad). I have split up with him a couple of ...
A. 9 November 2020: I wouldn't want to be with someone that was still in love with his ex. I'd end it because he can't devote his full love and attention. You are like a stand in. You deserve better!
End it, get rid of all information you have on him and block hi... (read in full...)
My husband disrespects me. I think he's lying and spending time with his baby mama
Q. hello ill try to make this as short as possible, my husband and i have been together for three years. when we were dating he cheated and impregnated someone and we broke up. he asked for another chance and i forgave him. i moved to virginia with him ...
A. 3 November 2020: OP, the best course of action to save you tons of tears, frustration and pain is to give your husband a divorce. If you continue on in this marriage, you are just going to get more and more upset/depressed and throwing your life away being unhappy. ... (read in full...)
What is an open marriage like?
Q. I have a problem with my sexlife. Usually it is the other way around but my wife always wants it and I dont feel like it. This has been going on for awhile. I think part of it is the stress from my job and just life in general but my libido is ...
A. 28 October 2020: I honestly don't have any information to give you about what an open marriage is like. I will tell you that I have been on DC as a moderator/aunt for over 13 years and every time open marriages are discussed, the end result is never good. They don't ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my friend about her teenaged son's attraction to me?
Q. Hi I am 44 and I have been divorced for 6 months. The divorce was hard on me and I have very low self esteem and ended up having to move in with my friend and her son. Over the course of the months I have been staying with my friend I noticed...
A. 27 October 2020: No you don't. Leave the kid alone. You were offered a place to stay respect your friend and her family. Grow up and act like an adult. Don't let your hormones go into overdrive and damage a young man and his family. Lock your door and be on your ... (read in full...)
I want to buy a sex doll to be my gf
Q. hi, im Owen. i'm 39 and i live in california. i have a thin 4 inch penis and haven't had sex in 15 years. i am also a premature ejaculator, and because of these things i am intimidated and nervous near women. i don't feel comfortable trying to date ...
A. 23 October 2020: If that makes you happy darlin and you have the money to throw away...who are we to tell you no? I'll be honest I'd rather have a man have a silicone doll and pleasure himself than to be going around all creepy stalking women and possibly getting ... (read in full...)
Why can a guy cheat and it's ok but not ok if his gf does it!???
Q. Maybe somebody here can tell me why a guy who cheats on you when the opportunity comes up cheats on you but gaslights the hell out of you every time? Why does he do this to you? Why does he profess his love for you and try so hard to hold onto you? ...
A. 20 October 2020: Cheating is NEVER ok whether its the man or the woman doing it. Unless people have open relationships and both are ok with being with others, its just flat out not ok.
You shouldn't be with someone who cheats. End of story.
If you cheat on him... (read in full...)
Should I tell my mom that I think my stepdad is cheating on her?
Q. I am a 19 year old male living with my mom and my step dad. I have a growing suspicion that my stepdad is cheating on my mom, or at the least watching porn behind her back, and here are some reasons why I think this: First, I have seen him take ...
A. 20 October 2020: OP, we can only caution you and hope that you will listen. Its apparent that you love your mother and want her to be happy. Please be careful though where you are treading. If you go to your mother with allegations and no absolute proof you could be ... (read in full...)
How would other have handled the relationship I was in?
Q. I have the highest respect for the aunts on this website. So any tough love is more than welcome. A year back I met a guy who works in retail. Three years younger than me. I have a STD. He doesn't. So it seemed like a fairy tale. He earns mu...
A. 20 October 2020: I don't think I can add much more than the other lovely aunts have said so I will just hit the high points.
Yes, you made a bad choice in a partner. It happens. Most of us have done this. In the future make sure that you NEVER loan money to a lov... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is happy with sex every 3 months. I want more!
Q. Hello, in my early sixties, my girlfriend couple years younger, well it happened agin tonight, i wanted to make love, she just said go to sleep, only once in three months, she says i should be slowing down, been together three years, i still ...
A. 18 October 2020: I concur with the other aunts/uncles. You are not sexually compatible sadly and she isn't willing to participate more and you aren't happy with what you are getting. Its time to end things and find someone more suitable. The way it stands you aren't ... (read in full...)
I need to know if people are capable of change when it comes to cheating?
Q. I need to know if people are capable of change when it comes to cheating? I broke up with my partner of 10 years and father to my child 18 months ago. We had a good relationship. There were a couple of niggles - he was slightly stricter bringi...
A. 15 October 2020: ANYONE can change if they want to. Its just that change isn't easy and most people don't want to go through the trouble of changing. For the most part, cheaters continue to cheat and will do so in every relationship.
My ex husband has been mar... (read in full...)
Is it ok to share nude and erotic photos with best friend?
Q. Is it ok to share nude and erotic photos with best friend?...
A. 9 October 2020: I wouldn't say this is a smart thing to do. How much do you trust this friend? Is this someone who will keep them to themself? Or possibly hold onto the photos and use them to blackmail you or even worse? If you are exchanging the photos through the ... (read in full...)
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