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Do I tell my friend about her teenaged son's attraction to me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 October 2020) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2020)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi

I am 44 and I have been divorced for 6 months.

The divorce was hard on me and I have very low self esteem and ended up having to move in with my friend and her son.

Over the course of the months I have been staying with my friend I noticed her son staring at me and then turning away.

This helped my self esteem grow as it made me feel that I was desirable, sexy and attractive even though it was her teenage son.

I have to admit that I did occasionally tease him by showing my cleavage more than I should.

Any how the other day I went into the bathroom to take a shower and caught he son waking with my knickers. He didn’t notice me enter the bathroom as stood there for a min shocked then left the bathroom.

What should I do about this? Do I tell my friend? Do nothing or try approaching this with him?

View related questions: divorce, notice me, self esteem

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A female reader, Tuatara New Zealand +, writes (29 October 2020):

Tuatara agony auntThis situation is a time bomb waiting to go off. You cannot excuse your actions in this situation and my feeling is your enjoying the attention and encouraging his behavior. If your self esteem is delicate, get some professional help. Do NOT encourage or put this teenager and your friend for that matter - who gave you a roof over your head and support - into this inappropriate situation. I think as you clearly are aware of how this isn't okay you also know you are crossing a line and have the ability to stop this dead in it's tracks. You are the adult and should know better.

Definitely time to move out. If you were my friend and this was my son I would be furious and the friendship would end! So my advice is to leave your friends home and get some distance from this young man, you will screw him up for sure! Sort yourself out without using him to make you feel better. Not on!

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (27 October 2020):

mystiquek agony auntNo you don't. Leave the kid alone. You were offered a place to stay respect your friend and her family. Grow up and act like an adult. Don't let your hormones go into overdrive and damage a young man and his family. Lock your door and be on your best behavior. Start looking for a new place to stay. you are being inappropriate on several levels. STOP IT!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2020):

Move out don't be pathetic!

Have you sin a film Another Year?

Well watch it!

It's Mike Lee's film and happens to be an excellent one.

What bothers me is that you were encouraging him!

Even if you didn't, but found it agreeable would be bad enough.

He is a kid! You cannot imagine what kind of a damage you can do.

You are also risking a friendship with someone who obviously is a good friend of yours.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (27 October 2020):

I wouldn't tell her, it's completely natural. Obviously you should be a little more careful about cruising a line. Little things don't seem like a big deal but they often lead to bigger things if left unchecked.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2020):

Leave the kid alone. You were offered a place to regroup and recover from your divorce. Therefore you should observe very strict propriety and conform to an especially high standard of decency around members of the household where you are a guest. Who's next, your friend's husband?

There is no-way to put this but bluntly; because there is a kid involved. No need to rationalize or excuse your behavior by establishing his age as consensual. That would only make it worse. You know better! You're the adult!

This has less to do with your self-esteem and more to do with your hormones. Your unrefined-behavior, as you've described it, is more along the lines of a horny-lady; than someone suffering a dip in her self-esteem. He's just a kid, and his behavior is what is expected of him; although it is very inappropriate. To encourage it places you in a very dubious position; bordering on opportunistic or exploitative. To tell your friend would probably humiliate the boy, enrage his mother, and get you thrown-out on your bum! He's not attracted to you per se, he's attracted to the idea of an unrelated-female in the house.

May I strongly suggest that you cover your cleavage, pack your things; and find a place where there's just you, and one other adult. You're brewing-up trouble; and you cannot blame any of this on your divorce, self-esteem, or the boy. This mess is on you!

Meanwhile, lock the door to your room, dress properly, put your garments out-of-sight, and behave yourself. Offering the boy live-porn is beneath you. Your friend deserves better than this for the kindness you've been shown. Trust that she's keeping an eye on you as well! Mother's intuition!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 October 2020):

Honeypie agony auntTime to move out.

YOU are being inappropriate. It is NOT OK to get your geo boosts from a teenager, you are a GROWN ASS woman!

Your friend took you in IN KINDNESS because you were in a hard place after a divorce and you repay her by flaunting your tits to her son?! You should be ashamed of yourself!

I mean WTF!?

If you were a man the the teenager were a girl, you would find it PREDATORY, right? So why is this any different because the kid is a BOY?

Have some common sense and GET a grip!

You need to find a place on your own. Because this is NOT good. You keep doing this kind of shit and you LOSE this friend and find yourself in the gutter out on your ass!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2020):

You certainly do have low self esteem if you see it as a compliment that a horny frustrated teenager uses you to wank. It is not a compliment. It is not personal. It does not mean that he fancies you or likes you, not as a person, just the idea of having sex with any woman who is available. You just happen to be the person who is living there and supplying some thrills, he would be just as eager if you were some other woman. Find somewhere else to live and stop being so naive.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (27 October 2020):

kenny agony auntI would not broach the subject with your friend.

I think you should concentrate on finding alternative accommodation as soon as you can.

For the remainder of your time there you should refrain from teasing him and showing your cleavage, and you should also stop leaving your underwear in the bathroom.

He is a teenage boy, hormones racing around everywhere. I don't think your friend would be to happy if she knew you were teasing him with your clevage.

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