A
male
age
30-35,
*akeCJ
writes:I don't know if it's harassment, her being friendly or she's wanting something more and I'm very confused about it and haven't laid a finger on her.I'm male and in my ninth week at a new job in a warehouse and within the first week my female boss and i started talking about how we both use to work at the same company at different times and how working at this new company was a refreshing and relaxed change and while we were talking, she started rubbing the middle of my back straight up and down with her hand and that's the day that it started.After that she has come up from behind me 3 different times and put both her hands around my neck for making a data entry mistake, patted me on the back as she walked by me, and started bumping her hand on my thigh to talk to me.She's asked me to dance with her in the warehouse in front of coworkers and even asked if i was going to whip her one day when my belt broke loose while putting boxes on a skid for inventory.When i was putting boxes on a skid one day the bottom of a box broke open letting glass bottles break on the floor and when she seen it, she told me to come over to her and she playfully slapped me.This last time i was bubble wrapping glass bottles for protection for shipping and i had a large roll of bubble wrap at my feet on the floor i was using and she came over to help on the other side of the roller conveyor and looked at me and said gimme some, so when i started to bend down to get her the bubble wrap, she said to me, If you think i'm going anywhere near down there to get the bubble wrap from you, your crazy, well, i didn't say anything to her but, just looked at her confused and was saying to myself, i wasn't expecting you to go down at my feet to get the bubble wrap but, i felt she was implying something else, maybe i'm wrong.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (17 November 2020):
 THIS reply of yours says it all for me:
"Sorry to disagree with the lady from Canada but, being male and a new employee and a complete stranger working there, if I would do any of the things she has done to me, I would be in deep trouble right now.
"I never did anything to make her feel i was wanting her attention by laughing about it or encouraging her behavior, she has made working there like being on egg shells and having to worry about making her mad if i say something or have to report it and lose my job over something she started being in a position of power."
Not sure which post you are referring to as I can't see any from Canada. All I would say is that, while you may not have actively done anything to encourage your manager's behaviour towards you, you don't mention having done anything to let her know you are uncomfortable with it. I'm not excusing her actions (although, from your post, it all seems a lot of drama about very little); I'm just a little surprised that a man in his 30s hasn't thought to actually make it plain - by word or deed - that this attention is unwelcome. Chances are, if you were to do this, she would back off and not touch you again. Why cause drama where there is really no need for it? Or are you looking for a way to "make her pay"?
You seem to have this chip on your shoulder about a man not being able to get away with this sort of behaviour, whereas it seems a woman can. I think you need to be 100% honest with yourself, admit what this is really about and take it from there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2020): Most, if not all warehouses, are kept clean and most are well-run. That's neither here nor there. If it's mostly women, then I guess you'll just have to deal with that too! You can file a complaint, no one here discouraged you from doing that. Filing a sexual-harassment complaint before you've completed your probationary-period just might not be wise. Inform her she makes you uncomfortable first. File a complaint if that doesn't work.
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A
male
reader, JakeCJ +, writes (15 November 2020):
JakeCJ is verified as being by the original poster of the question Your way off on your description of this warehouse i work in, it's kept clean and neat and people that work here have attention to detail, this is not your average warehouse.
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A
male
reader, JakeCJ +, writes (15 November 2020):
JakeCJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, there's not a lot of tough language here, it's a e-commerce warehouse that's climate controlled for herbal products and it's workforce is dominated by female workers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2020): Typo corrections:
"You'll toughen-up through initiation; because everyone goes through some teasing or playfulness as a rite of passage."
"Don't expect much to come of it, if other employees have witnessed her kidding around; they will protect her before they'd help you."
Speak to her first; then file a complaint with HR, if the behavior continues.
Companies with a good reputation will become highly defensive when they see someone very new threatening legal liability. Rather than deal with it, they'd let you go first. Not because she says so; because everyone claiming harassment aren't doing it because they feel offended. They smell a payoff or settlement after a lawsuit! Yes, you're right, they're well-prepared for that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2020): No siree, a guy would never get-away with that kind of insinuation and innuendo you've experienced! However, you work in a warehouse environment, where blue-collar workers are not so formal; and tend to be more brazen, or ruff around the edges, than an office-worker. There's a lot of swearing and tough language. You toughen-up through initiation; because everyone goes through some teasing or playfulness as a right of passage. Then there is going too far!
You didn't say, but I'll assume she's an older-woman. I can't dismiss inappropriate behavior between someone in power and their subordinate. Institutions and work-establishments with a certain number of employees are required to have written policies on employee conduct and work ethics; and are mandated to have sexual-harassment training for both employees and management. Your boss apparently hasn't attended one of those seminars; or the business may be too small to be required to comply with the regulations set by the U.S. Equal Opportunity Commission (EEOC).
I don't think you're as afraid for your job as you're claiming. You are allowed to say something when something said or done makes you feel uncomfortable. Are you trying to build a case for yourself?
Most of what you've explained is pretty benign; but just a word about your discomfort should resolve it. It's when you've addressed the issue, or have tried to avoid it; that it actually becomes necessary to submit a complaint.
If you say nothing and don't signal your displeasure; it can be construed that you're taking it all in fun. It does not dismiss the fact it is inappropriate. You're a big-boy, not a female. You can speak-up and ask her not to make such references. She does it in-front of others; not hidden like most men would do, if they were up to no-good. That's when you can pull her aside; and just let her know you're not comfortable. If she doesn't take you seriously; report her to HR, and file a complaint. If she's well-liked, others may vouch for her character; if she's known to be a jokester. If she has standing complaints; there may be an investigation. Don't expect much to come of it, if other employers have witnessed her kidding around; they will protect her before they help you. You're the new-guy, and they may really like her. They will likely warn her, and re-assign you to another supervisor. This doesn't rise to the level of a major investigation.
I recommend you pull-away and keep more than arm's length away. Then you can get through your probationary period; and you'll be taken more seriously. They would get rid of you, quicker than they'd let her go. You might be considered a possible opportunist. Not because you're a male, but because you haven't been around that long; and nobody really knows you, or what you're all about.
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A
male
reader, JakeCJ +, writes (14 November 2020):
JakeCJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry to disagree with the lady from Canada but, being male and a new employee and a complete stranger working there, if I would do any of the things she has done to me, I would be in deep trouble right now.
I never did anything to make her feel i was wanting her attention by laughing about it or encouraging her behavior, she has made working there like being on egg shells and having to worry about making her mad if i say something or have to report it and lose my job over something she started being in a position of power.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (14 November 2020):
I work for a company where we are very relaxed with each other so, while I understand your boss is making you feel uncomfortable, I don't see anything in your post which would indicate she has overstepped any marks. I suspect, because you used to work for the same company previously, she feels she has something in common with you and is, therefore, being friendly. Pretending to choke someone for making an error or patting them to get attention is hardly sexual harassment (in my eyes, at least). To me it just sounds like "banter", or even a bit of friendly flirting.
Is this lady "touchy feely" with other members of staff as well, or only you? If the former, then that is obviously her way. If not, then there is a number of possibilities here. She might be flirting with you. She might be trying to make you feel accepted as you are only new. Do you get my drift?
I would strongly advise against taking a sledge hammer to crack a nut. Why not just make it quite obvious you are not comfortable with her touching you by moving away when she reaches out. You could even say (jokingly if that's easier) "I'm not comfortable with people touching me without my consent". If you are just putting up with it, or even laughing about it, how is she to know you are uncomfortable? You don't have to be rude to discourage her.
If you report her to your HR department without giving her a chance to change her behaviour towards you, the repercussions could be unpleasant. You are new while she is a long term employee. Chances are your colleagues will side with her and the atmosphere will be unpleasant. I would urge you to try to work this out between you first. If that doesn't work then, by all means, if it is such a big deal to you, report or ask for advice from HR.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2020): This is way out of line, BUT ...what are you like with her? Do you retaliate? Do you laugh at her? What do your coworkers say? (They've obviously noticed!)If you laugh at her and play along then she will carry on as she will see that as encouragement. I just have to wonder as it's been 9 weeks and she still hasn't taken the hint.If however the above is completly inaccurate I apologise.In either case scenario though, you have every right to go to HR as she is way out of line to even put her hands on you in the first place, that is sexual harassment right there. She is your boss, she is in a senior position and that is intimidating. She is abusing her position of power to put her hands on you and say those inappropriate things to you. She knows you will be frightened or feel to guilty to raise a complaint (because you know each other) and she is taking advantage of that.Your HR team will treat this the same way as if it was a man harassing a woman and rightly so. She will be immediately suspended pending investigation and then probably sacked following interview.For future reference though I have to add that this is also unacceptable in any work place whether there is a hierarchy or not - even if she was a colleague on the same level, this is still harassment.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (13 November 2020):
 Your boss is out of line. She's making you uncomfortable and the sooner you address this, the better it will be. I'm not sure what her game plan is but you either should address her directly or go to her superior. She has no business acting the way that she is.
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A
male
reader, JakeCJ +, writes (12 November 2020):
JakeCJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advice, I appreciate it and i hate to say, I'm very naive with something like this at work but, not anymore, Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (12 November 2020):
 She is a boss/manager and should be setting an example to fellow co-workers. She is being unprofessional and being very inappropriate.
If it was reversed and a male manager was doing this to a female worker he would be deemed as a pervert and be out on his ear.
If you are uncomfortable with this and you don't want to make a scene on the warehouse floor, then i suggest going to higher management such as HR and reporting it to them.
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A
male
reader, JakeCJ +, writes (12 November 2020):
JakeCJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can understand how this may be unreal but, it's happening to me and i need the job badly and do love receiving inventory as my job but, I'm in a bad spot because, I don't want to lose this job.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 November 2020):
 Yep, totally inappropriate of her.
She is WAY to familiar and if I were you I'd nip this in the bud. By telling her (NOT in front of other coworkers) that it makes you uncomfortable with the handsy stuff.
If she gets mad or doesn't stop, then go to HR
It's not OK.
What IS OK, is for you to say no thanks to backrubs and touching.
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