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anonymous
writes:I'm not very attracted to my wife anymore. What should I do? I've sat and thought about it for a long time now and have realized it's not even physical attraction that is the problem, although it doesn't help. What I mean is we both have gotten bigger over the years and I know I'm not as attractive to her either. But it seems my issue is attitude. Quite frankly her anger has a hairpin trigger and she goes to over the top angry at our 6 year old very easily and it's actually affected my attraction to her. I've come to realize that even if she looked like a model I don't think it would help much because of how she turns me off with her behavior. Now, don't get me wrong. She's not a terrible person overall and I do still love her otherwise I wouldn't be looking for help. I'm afraid to go to therapy because I honestly think it may make it worse. She's become as stubborn as her old man. She wasn't like this until we had our child too so I didn't really see it coming. She's just so rough now, she's not "feminine" as much anymore and the whole thing is just turning me off. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question" there are times he is absolutely unreasonably angry over little stuff"
Honeypie, that is the exact sentence I would use to describe the situation. You nailed it. I totally agree and I do all the stuff you suggest already. When I say "everybody yells at their kids" I really mean that I understand parents get frustrated with there kids. That happens. It's the unreasonably angry over little stuff as you said. To me, she(our child) is a typical sometimes whiny and doesn't want to do what we say child. But my wife has no tolerance level or bedside manner or anything. Zero to angry instantly. I'm setting up some therapy for us now. Hopefully this can help both of us. Thanks everybody.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 November 2020):
 Amen to Code Warrior,
I can see why you lost your attraction, it doesn't take an Einstein to see that. HER behavior is VERY unappealing!
Yes, parents can get upset at a child, but HOW you handle this upset is WHAT you kid learn from in dealing with conflict. So if you and your wife yell and scream and gets pissed at a drop of a hat... WHAT do you think your kid learns from you?
They are MANY ways to correct a child if they do something you don't want them to do. He is only 6.
" Parents often get angry and tell at their kids. "
No they don't.
Your kid sounds like he is seeking attention and this "misbehaving". What you are teaching him (both of you) is that ANY attention is better than none, even negative attention.
You need to sit your wife down and TALK (not in front of your son) - you two need to find better coping and parenting skills. And you probably ALSO need to spend more time with your son. Are you all stuck at home during quarantine? If so, get outside with your kid when the weather is good for it, go kick a ball, go for a walk, go do yard work together - SOMETHING to wear him out a little physically and I am willing to bet he will also be better behaved because he isn't bored out of his skull.
My husband has combat PTSD, so there are times he is absolutely unreasonably angry over little stuff. His anger is VERY disproportionate. It's taken him YEARS to be more in control than he used to, but still to this day I find it utterly unattractive - which he knows. (probably why he has worked on it) BUT with that said, I also understand there are things I don't understand, going on in his head. Does it mean I just let him "rage" on the kids? no. Because it is MY job as the more level-headed parent to take charge, JUST like it is YOUR job to nip this shit in the but. OR your wife WILL become abusive.
If she is depressed, stressed, grieving a loss - whatever it is, SHE needs help and she NEEDS to find better ways to deal with her frustration. Not take it out on your child.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2020): I'm with the others, you say she's a good person otherwise but your 6 year old needs your attention more than your wife right now. But that little person first and protect them from the anger.
Forget how you feel about your wife for the time being but get straight with her and tell her she cannot shout at your 6 yr old that way or he/she will be scarred for years to come.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2020): You only live once and you are entitled to be happy in that. Everybody is. From my experience if this situation continues it will only get worse not better. I agree with the others, you have a child and it is your duty to insure his/hers well being. I don't know how old you are or how long have you been married and whether financially secure or if you are capable of living alone. I suggest that you should discreetly see a marriage counselor and seriously think of leaving her if that is the only choice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPerhaps some clarity. There's no abuse going on. Parents often get angry and tell at their kids. I get angry and sometimes raise my voice. However she just seems to get angry at the drop of a hat. In other words she just has no patience for a disobedient child. Now, I'm not worried about it getting to abusive levels but I do know all it's really doing is teaching our child to yell too. Yes we should probably seek counseling about that aspect but again I know that she loves our child and won't get that far. But her overall attitude has become so rough that I just have a hard time being attracted to her. I don't think any amount of therapy will soften her up.
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reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (13 November 2020):
 As a father, its your obligation to protect your child. That should be top priority! Anything else should be behind what is going on between your wife and your attraction or lack of it. Your child needs a safe healthy environment to grow up in, not a mom with a hair trigger temper going off on a 6 year old! Get your priorities straight.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2020): If an adult man who understands her wife's attitude to a certain degree, I wonder how it must feel for your child who can't understand why he has an angry mother who is always snapping at the slightest thing.
I suggest she goes to her GP and address this problem, it is not acceptable for anyone to live with a timebomb. Hopefully, it is an issue that is resolvable, maybe she needs some ME time and help around the home.
Really not good to have angry moms and so unfair on a child who should feel comfort and emotional security from their mother.
Weight problems and attractivness is easily resolvable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2020): I agree with the other answer. The fact that your wife is repeatedly losing her temper at your 6 year old is a much worse issue than your loss of attraction to her. I think you need to bring up the idea of therapy with your wife again, despite her stubbornness. If she tries therapy, even if it doesn’t end up helping, it’s unlikely that it would make the issue worse. She needs to at least put forth some effort to changing her behaviour for your child’s sake.
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